Tales from /tg/

>>49242489
Will tell story after yukata incident, I'm waiting OP

>>49242489
Benny comes up to the table, dressed in a full Japanese Yukata, complete with the wooden sandals. He'd apparently bought all this at the latest anime-con. We were honestly pretty creeped out at this point, but nowhere near as suprised as we might have been. He'd been going full weeb for more than a month now, this was just the logical progression.

We start playing without too much fuss. By this time, as you've probably already guessed, Benny had re-rolled his character to be a Wood Elf Batlle Master, playing it off as a Samurai. It was annoying, but not too unbearable.

A few hours in Benny stands up, and marches over to the table in a huff. Apparently members of the other group had been making fun of the Benny's getup the entire night, and Benny finally managed to hear some of it.

Benny is standing in front of these guys, and without hesitation PULLS OUT A FUCKING TANTO(OP pic related) and points it at the guy's neck. He looks him dead in the eye, and I shit you not, says "You've soiled my honor, prepare to suffer." Then starts to lunge towards the guy.

Needless to say, Benny is immediately tackled by three of the biggest guys in the store, the knife is pulled out of his hands, and pinned to the ground. Benny is now sobbing, and screaming about his "Honor!" and how "We'll all pay."

Cops are called, everyone gives their input, and long story short Benny is definitely going to be serving some time for this.

Thus ends the tale of Benny, and a cautionary tale about the dangers of being a Weeb.

>>49242617
I bet the knife wasn't even sharp. Sounds like he got it at the con.

>>49242617
That's not the dangers of being a weeb, OP. that's the dangers of being a fucking spaz.

>>49242489
>>49242617
I would call bullshit, but I have known people who are this creepy [spoilers]and way creepier.[/spoiler]

>>49242617
What's the word on the GF's opinion of the incident?

>>49242811
We're pretty sure she blames the store for the incident, and is trying to get it shut down.

>>49242722
Fucking true, man. I'm pretty much weebish myself, but everything goes alright anyway exactly because I'm not Autism, Destroyer of Social Awareness.

>>49242617
This sounds like a bullshit greentext I made up years ago about going to anime club and attacking someone with a katana for talking to their oneitis

>>49242617

Nice story op

This is the story of how my playgroup almost ended because of me and a crazed ex, and why we don't allow couples to go anymore
the story is kind of shit, but it's a good warning

>play with the same group every friday for the last 10 years
>literally been playing ever since we were 12
>lots of people coming and going, but the core keeps the same
>me, the DM, a weeb friend and a That Guy + his brother
>remember that guy
>core becomes best bros
>around year five of playing I start dating this girl, dumping her at year six for being a lunatic and going through my e-mails
>she won't take it
>befriends that guy, she knew he had a crush on her
>he brings her to our games
>think cringeworthy weeb feminist
>as in, she actually whined about the fact that the weeb had a female cleric and tried to make him change his character's sex
>I play as a devoted paladin, so of course she builds a fucking bard succubi
>can't expel her because we like our that guy and he begs us not to
>literally all she does is try to corrupt my paladin using charm and shit
>never fall for it
>deus-vult.mov
>eventually start to attack her whenever she tries to get me, but as soon as I prepare to smite her our of this dimension our that guy necromancer stops me
>she then proceeds to fuck (with great detail on her descriptions) every single priest from my god's church
>and that guy irl
>one day she tells him that he could "rub it on my face" the fact that she was with him
>the poor guy finally got it
>next game day he outbursts on me
>tries to hit me
>DM kicks his sorry ass
>he, brother and thot expelled

We were left with too few players for around a year, until one of the DM's brothers started playing, after that his friends soon joined and we now have a pretty nice group, but moral of the story is that you shouldn't date thots and never allow them near that guys
also deus vult I guess

>>49242997
>weeb feminist
These people are always the craziest, because their chosen form of entertainment is actually chauvinistic as fuck and they pull some really weird shit to rationalize it

>>49243025
They are all batshit crazy and think that bring a tsun-yan-bullshit-dere is cute, while also fighting big evil man

I hate her guts to this day
Worst part is that she seems really nice until you get to know her, so everyone thinks I'm insane for around a year when I warn them about her

>>49242997
Damn... I honestly feel sorry for That Guy. He's just caught between the bitch and her stupid shit about not getting over you.

>>49243215
Doesn't matter, had sex

>>49243215
I tried getting him back once, but he hates me and the DM for the expulsion

Really a shame, served me right for not warning him enough

>>49243305
Well, you tried, can't help if someone acts like a bitch after the fact.

>>49243372
Which one anon?

>>49243484
kek.

>>49242489
Alright /tg/ you asked for it.

Today I will regail you with the tale of..... fuck. For the life of me I cannot remember this guy's name. Oh well, we'll call him by the name which has been immortalized in my group's lore forevermore;

Stinky.

Stinky was someone I met during my slight weeb phase. I'm an oldfag who grew up watching Saturday Anime on the Sci-Fi channel so I joined the local anime meet up to see if they were watching anything that hearkened back the dark, ultra-violent sci-fi that I remember anime being.

I was disappointed.

Still I manged to meet a few gamers, most of whom are still my friends, and I met Stinky.

Stinky wasn't so bad when first we.met. He was the kind of perpetually underweight, skinny nerd who looks eternally 12 years old. He didn't seem overly creepy at first and since Dark Heresy had just been uncancelled by FFG I found myself in need of a group.

Stinky didn't know much about the 40k universe but seemed like a quick learner, he rapidly picked up the lore. For a while, all was good.

>>49243789
The first problem, and how Stinky got is name, came along when the campaign had been running for about 6 months.

Out of the blue, Stinky gave me a call. While before his room mate had been reliable transport, Stinky suddenly needed a ride. We went to pick him up, and immediately realized that he stank to high heaven.

That was one long game session, as soon as he stepped into the game room at the FLGS the scent of unwashed feet, ass, and moldy cheese suffused the entire room. I joined my fellow gamers on their smoke breaks just to get away from the smell.

On the ride back to his place, we questioned Stinky about his scent. It turned out that his room mate had been spending the rent money on cough syrup for the last six months. When the Landlord's men came by to change the locks, Stinky hid in a broom closet and was now squatting in an empty apartment with no electricity or running water.


Truth was the rest of the group felt sorry for the kid. A few of them had also been fucked over by room mates and significant others.

We let it slide asked him politely to wear deodorant next time.

If only we knew how much worse it was going to get.

>>49243789
but everthing changed the fire nation attacked

>>49243789
>>49243828

>Stinky didn't know much about the 40k universe but seemed like a quick learner, he rapidly picked up the lore. For a while, all was good.

Sounds like you turned him into a Nurgle cultist anon.

>>49243789
>>49243828

The next session rolled around and Stinky's behavior rapidly worsened. He showed up next time having tried to disguise his BO with the old "French Shower" read he completely fucking drowned himself in AXE body spray. The body spray somehow succeeded only in accentuating the undertones of unwashed ass and rotting onions.

I don't want to get down on someone just because he has BO, some people can't help it, but he straight up made the game room uninhabitable.

His behavior rapidly worsened.

The pizza place across the way has having a 3 for 20 deal so I picked up 3 medium 1 topping pizzas which should be plenty of food for 6 people if everyone only took 2 pieces. However, no sooner than the pizzas were out I look up from my notes to see Stinky grabbing HALF of the Pepperoni pizza, about 8 slices and ripping the lid off the box to use as a plate. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I asked pointedly.

"I have a painfully fast metabolism" Stinky replied with a shit-eating grin.

I demanded that he put back all but 2 slices so others could have some. Stinky refused and then proceeded to slap his hands into the cheese, firmly marking the pizza as his.

The session after that, Stinky had somehow gotten hold of a printer and printed out dozens of loli anime pics from the internet which he ogled rather than pay attention.

The last straw came that very evening. During post-game socialization, without being prompted, Stinky brought up the subject of sexual experience. In a loud voice, in the middle of the FLGS, he talked about how his mother had sexual abused him when he was younger.

That's not even the worst part.

HE WAS BRAGGING ABOUT IT.

>>49243789
>>49243828
>>49244099

At this point the group had pretty much had it with Stinky. We met up at an IHOP during the week, sans Stinky and all agreed that Stinky was to be kicked from the group.

Of course, due to Geek Social Fallacies 1-3 just calling Stinky and telling him to fuck off was a non-starter. So with the group present I called Stinky and told him that my course work had gotten too intense and that the campaign was on indefinite hiatus.

A week later, Stinky was forced to vacate the apartment I didn't see him at our FLGS anymore. I thought this would be the last I ever saw of Stinky.

I was wrong.

>>49244139
>I thought this would be the last I ever saw of Stinky. I was wrong.

Well, Shit's about to hit the fan.

>>49244099
Oh my.

>>49244194
Inb4 OP kills Stinky

File: ZOG.jpg (24KB, 216x282px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 216x282px

>>49244139
>A week later, Stinky was forced to vacate the apartment I didn't see him at our FLGS anymore. I thought this would be the last I ever saw of Stinky.
>I was wrong.

go on

>>49242489

Unrelated entirely, but due to a character of the same name numerous street gangs in my setting use "Benny" as a derogatory term for gang members who sell out their crew to rivals or the cops. You snitched? you're a Benny to the underground. Thought that might be amusing.

Hey, Garth, post the screen cap you made about Cecilia

I was going to talk about that time my group tried to modify griffons so they'd drop molotov cocktails on a town, but right now I'm hyped for the finale to the Stinky story.

>>49243789
>>49243828
>>49244099
>>49244139

About 5 years later, myself and Fuck This I'm Getting Tacos (a long suffering gaming buddy of mine who was there for Stinky) were busy doing nothing on a Friday Night. It was late, but we had no intention of going to sleep so we stopped at a Starbucks for some coffee.

I should point out that this Starbucks was just across the street from an apartment complex.

I ordered my venti mocha latte and then we stepped onto the patio so Tacos could smoke. Suddenly the asshole manager poked his head out of the door and yelled at us for smoking on the patio, demanding that Tacos go around back of the building by the dumpster if he wanted to smoke. We complied, making a mental note to never stop at this particular Starbucks again.

We got behind the building and Tacos lit up. Somehow we got on the subject of internet creepers and we start making fun of people who like anime loli art. Suddenly a third voice joins the conversation.

"That's not true. Loli is a respectable form of art."

Tacos and I turn in surprise to see none other than Stinky poking his head out of the fucking dumpster to defend is beloved anime pics of little girls.

Tacos and I feign pleasant surprise at seeing Stinky and strike up a conversation, mostly out of morbid curiosity and schadenfreude. Eventually we ask Stinky what he's doing sleeping in a dumpster.

"I was rooming with some asshole who just kicked me out of his apartment for no reason."

Stinky described your average Military guy. Tall, muscular, with an eagle tattoo on his arm, close cropped hair.

"That guy was pretty pissed, I think he might beat me up. So if you see him, don't tell him where I am okay."

Tacos and I shrug, finish our coffee, toss the cups into Stinky's temporary abode and leave. As we turn to go, Stinky asks plaintively if I have any room at home. My only response is nervous laughter.

As we leave Starbucks, we pass the very man Stinky just described.

>>49244414

>Literally popping out of a dumpster to defend loli

I'm gonna guess this never happened.

>>49243789
>>49243828
>>49244099
>>49244139
>>49244414

He's talking very loudly on his cell phone obviously quite agitated, and he seems to be talking about Stinky.

".. I can't fucking believe this. I let this mother fucker sleep under my roof, stink up MY fucking apartment out of the goodness of my heart and THIS is how he fucking repays me.

I swear to God, if that son of a bitch ever goes anywhere NEAR my daughter again I'll fucking kill him."

Tacos and I exchange meaningful glances, then we approach yelling army guy.

"Hey, are you looking for a little blonde guy. About yea high? Smells like unwashed ass and onions?"

"Yeah"

"Why are you looking for him?"

Turns out that Stinky just ran out of this guy's apartment after he'd caught Stinky molesting his 8 year old daughter.

"He's in the dumpster behind the Starbucks."

Mr Military Dad calls the cops and we get to see Stinky get arrested for being a fucking kiddy fiddler.

>>49244467
I hope that you're right.

>>49244467
>He's never lived in an urban population center with a high homeless population.
>giggling_wenches.mov

I once had a delightful conversation with a homeless man living in an (admitedly empty, "clean," and upturned) dumpster about the benefits of a technocracy. I'm sure the tale of Stinky has been reasonably embellished for the purpose of an entertaining tale, but it's close enough to my own life experiences that I'd wager it's about 60-80% true.

>>49244598

Oh, it's not that I don't live in an urban center. And it's not that I haven't seen people in trash cans. It's that the trash can guy, at that one specific moment, happened to be there, overhearing this argument, to make the most obvious antithesis to the teller's argument...it's too convenient. Shit doesn't happen like that in real life. I don't buy it.

>>49245738
He wanted to, but he would have gotten in trouble with his commanding officer.

>>49245738
Dude... Look no one likes pedophiles but don't be that guy.

>>49245889
Excuse me for a moment.

I need to clean the vomit off my keyboard.

File: images (2).jpg (3KB, 160x160px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 160x160px

>>49245889
Ill be in shower. For a day. Trying to forget I read that.

>>49245889
Shouldn't be that guy that announces his opinion of pedophiles. How many people do you think like pedophiles? Now how many people do you think you know like pedophiles? Now how many people do you think go on a Chinese cartoon BBS, play games that are considered immature by a large portion of society, and browse the Internet during work, how many of them do you think hate pedophiles. Everyone hates pedophiles. Ultimately, it's negative to publically share your opinion.

>>49245889
>Now that I think about it, pedophiles are always molesting peoples daughters/sons.
No shit you fucking retard how do you think children are made

>>49246190
>i just forgot the basics of family while getting outraged about how criminals wrong families
Paedophiles are dumb and so are you

File: tumblr_inline_oc20wmjGsM1txzj31_500.gif (2MB, 287x216px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 287x216px

>be me, working for secondhand shop. Taking donations to be sorted.
>guy comes and donates a bunch of random rpg books
>mostly assorted 3.X 3rd Party trash and star wars, some L5R and Deadlands too
>oh, hey, Wraith the Oblivion
>read some of it on downtime
>fuck this is pretty cool
>tfw company policy says I won't be able to buy wraith or any of them
>tfw because we just get so many books, most of em will end up getting recycled

If we do put them out, they'll end up dirt cheap, like less than $5 apiece.

File: image.jpg (35KB, 217x409px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 217x409px

>>49246190
>I've read so many pedophilia stories
W-what...

File: 1450967801246.jpg (25KB, 463x454px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 463x454px

>>49246190
but...why? And where do you find these stories?

>>49246301

So...Pedo stories just magically appear around you?

My condolences.

File: 1459544019824.jpg (42KB, 486x572px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 486x572px

>>49245889
That's fucking horrifying. I'm a peaceful, law abiding citizen, and I would cornhole that guy with a pineapple.

>>49246301

Jesus fuck man, I shouldn't have read that. If anything would turn me into an edgy punisher knockoff it's folks like this. I mean shit I'm an asshole but this is genuine monsters we're talking about here.

>>49246339

Enjoy the watchlist, bud.

>>49246339
You are probably on some sort of watch list you know,

You are doing gods work anon, keep it up and share the worst/best stuff here from time to time.

>>49246356
If any of it actually happened. I'm getting a rather stupid /b/ tier edgy bullshit to bullshit vibe from it.

Which I'm glad for, I don't particularly want it to be real.

>>49246230
get a friend to buy it for you?

>>49246395

Man I can hope. Could just be weirdos jerkin it to some sicko fantasy which, I mean, if nobody gets hurt I guess is okay but still, fuck, makes me a mix of uneasy and angry even knowing its out there.

File: face in the cream.jpg (34KB, 366x372px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 366x372px

>was going to post a story about that one asian Izzet player who cheated in EDH but lost when I kruphix'd a hydra broodmaster for 8 8/8 hydras
>now I'm going to get off the internet, have a shower, and clean my bathroom
I don't think a lot of these stories are real, but if they are...

File: zdgh9mdqvcx2t3afa0p7.jpg (9KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 200x200px

>>49246300
where do you think?

>>49246190
Ok, I will try you - biologist (or was it botanist?) from The States traveling to South America on research grant getting it on with a local girl that he rented from her parents... rings any bells?

>>49246627

From what I can tell from the homepage it's just a yahoo groups stand-in that has next to zero fucking moderation, so there's shit like this.

So exactly like yahoo groups, then.

Does anyone have an archive link to that series of threads about a party wandering not!britain with a not!american doing fantasy things? If I remember right they were killing of liches in the first thread, and one of them had to get a robot arm or something. I think the guy writing it was the dwarf? Dunno, but I never got the chance to read it all the way through and I'd like to.

>>49244638
You're probably right but don't underestimate the power of coincidence. I could give anecdotes but they aren't really that good stories. Also, it's story time who cares for embellishment here and there.

>>49246408
I probably will of I can, but in the meantime it'll be in the purgatory of post-sorting pre-pricing, and there's no guarantee it'll make it to the sales floor.

>>49244467
This. Plus "average military guy" being a GI Joe...

But still a fun read, I'm sure its at least based on a true story.

>That one guy who was the glue holding our group together
>That one guy who met a batshit crazy girl one day, and instantly became pussywhipped
>That one guy whose now girlfriend incessantly talked about having a baby just a few weeks into the relationship
>That one guy who impregnated said girlfriend and was never seen again
>That one guy who caused our group to dissolve forever

My policy anymore is that any male friends must be gay, completely undesirable to the opposite sex, asexual or otherwise totally dedicated to lifelong celibacy.

>>49244414
Is this guy the real deal, or is he just ripping off the guys story?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JN8AbDYyCA

>>49247108
Yeah, that's Fuck This Shit, I'm Getting Tacos

>>49245889
>>49246027
What the fuck is wrong with people?

I want off this damn planet.

File: image.jpg (257KB, 1200x752px) Image search: [Google]

257KB, 1200x752px

This just happened
> Party fighting Mad Science creation
> Mess of body parts from dozens of animals
> how the fuck its even alive is a riddle for the ages
> can't even find its front end
Anyway
> it's killed
> my Barbarian announces he'se gonna thourghly re-kill the corpse
> GM gets upset
> "It's dead. No point to re-killing it"
> Dude, we don't know how it was alive
> GM declares that I can only re-kill it if I role perception and find it's not dead
> Role 16
> "You think it's dead"
> of course
> "hey Druid, this looks dead. You wanna take a look? It's your area"
> GM gets pissed and declares we all leave the chamber
> it's gonna come back, I just know it

Next session
> Barabarian tries to bring Cane-sword into meeting
> "I'm sorry sir, you can't take that in here"
> you would deprive an old man of his walking stick?
Oh yea, barb is 60 year old mentor type
> "I'm sorry sir, were not letting anybody take anything that could be a weapon"
> But its not, look
> "drop the cane or leave sir"

Someone here is being a dick and its not me.

>>49247057

Man, I feel bad for you. My GF just plays in the damned group like a normal person, and we keep the relationship shit for at home.

File: 1424678664092.gif (212KB, 525x525px) Image search: [Google]

212KB, 525x525px

>>49245889
DEATH

File: seen some shit.png (53KB, 264x200px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 264x200px

>>49245889
Fuck

>>49242489
Most of my stories are either about how I got rid of old groups, or how I found love (or maybe just some bangin') through RPGs...
But let's go for a positive one.

>Assembled new game group after old one fell apart due to multiple friends becoming horrible drug addicts
>Contains new GF (met at FLGS), brother-sister combo who are 100% noobs, and a surviving member of the old group
>GF runs a couple of sessions of Cyberpunk
>Not skilled enough to be able to handle our - okay my - ludicrous ability to bypass obstacles through amazing planning
>I get voted GM.
>ForeverGM
>Run Lovecrafian game in victorian era
>Party consists of 2 extremely Lovecraftian protaganists, an engineer and a folklorist with like 3 Ph.D.s
>And a rich hedonist who inherited a bunch of money from the opium trade
>1st adventure
>Some guy is building a flesh golem underneath an orphanage
>Rich guy impulse-adopts his own illegitimate child
>Figured out what was going on because his adopted son told him about creepy things

>2nd adventure
>Party gets inducted into a secret society kinda like Kingsmen vs. Cthulhu set in 1859
>Investigate disappearance of another society member out in the boonies
>I foreshadow the horror which is to come with a pregnant woman (bitches were going to be pregnant with dark spawn)
>rich guy rolls total success to seduce
>finds the eldritch abomination with his dick
>they go into town knowing that the plethora of pregnancy is because abominations

>3rd and 4th adventure
>Folklorist develops love interest
>Rich guy uses everything in his power to cockblock it
>Because of the cockblocking, the plot actually moves much faster and the folklorist stays on task with saving the world from being torn to bits or set on fire, 3rd and 4th adventures respectively

Here's to Viscount Georik von Schein, the worlds best worst investigator!

File: image.gif (80KB, 350x263px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 350x263px

>>49246895
>>49246895
Legit this is gonna sound dumb but like, dude, if you want it so bad why not just steal it? You just said moments ago that it's basically a donation to the book burning club. Just accept it from the guy and don't log that shit as ever coming in. Worst case scenario some random books went missing at some point in the life cycle. I doubt the hammer is gonna come down hard on what are gonna amount to being recycled paper or bargain bin fodder. Stow it somewhere. Take it home. Done. Jesus you're a beta normie

>>49246230
Real talk, is it illegal for you to take non-sensitive recycled materials home?
I mean, shit, I worked in a pizza shop and we ate crew pies (a pizza made for the employees) without paying for it when the manager let us.

>>49244414
>We got behind the building and Tacos lit up. Somehow we got on the subject of internet creepers and we start making fun of people who like anime loli art. Suddenly a third voice joins the conversation.
This is when I realized this never happened.

>>49248085
Yes because I'd rather have an RPG book that I can just download from /cofdg/ for nothing than a job that pays for my student loan debt.

This organization does in fact bring the hammer down on anything they consider theft... At least by employees. Don't do jack to shoplifters, though. It's a load of dogshit, I know. No wonder someone took a dump in our dressing rooms.

>>49249583

Best bet is getting someone you know to buy it for you. I really can't see how that plan would fail.

>>49249602
Yeah, I know. The Exalted Players Guide and Wraith are probably going to make it to the floor, it's just kinda sad that a bunch aren't gonna see the light of day again.
>inb4 they weren't anyway because basement dwellers

>>49248133
It may not be illegal, like they can't really prosecute, but it's still a terminable offense if they catch you.

File: 1468805067429.jpg (63KB, 706x706px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 706x706px

The first time I DMed was also with a group of first time DnD players.

It was a disaster. 3 of them managed to get themselves nearly killed before their first encounter with an enemy, they also constantly withheld information from each other and the backstabbing begun as soon as someone got slightly better loot than the next guy. One of them actually tried to rape another player character ingame, another one who found the antidote to a dangerous infection a portion of the group were affected by intentionally hid the antidote for a while until the members of the party who were affected by it were near-death. Then he pulled it out and told them that he's going to sell it to the highest bidder basically forcing dying party members to negotiate with him only a few minutes before they would surely die. Eventually he was satisfied with the offer of one of his party members made, as he was handing over the antidote the guy he sold it to called him an asshole for pulling that shit on the party, he quickly pulled back the antidote, opened it and poured it out. 3 of his party members died that way, only leaving the guy who attempted rape, himself and the only girl on the table. When I told the dead party members to reroll their characters an argument broke out that they would never ever fucking play with that asshat of a backstabbing asshole again.

File: 1466122380084.jpg (19KB, 314x353px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 314x353px

>>49247057
>D&D group consisting of a not-in-your-face but easily detectable and open bear who plays unassuming fighters with theatrical flair, pale kid who looks like a novice necromancer and plays a devout cleric of something lame like wheat or rocks, !robot engineer who plays strange unoptimized class/race combinations to attempt to force themselves to roleplay and a priest who's calm and the moral bastion of the group out of game but half of the time plays off the hook rogues or barbarians
I'd watch that sitcom.

>>49248194
It took you too long, m8.

there was this one time where a guy in our group who rolled a female character started simulating giving birth. Like he actually made noises and shit.

>>49245889

saved for later.

You pedo librarian motherfucker
Goddam i hope you burn in hell

>>49245889
Where can I find this man and destroy him?

>>49246627
... the last post was made just five days ago. They are still active.

Can we like, do something?

>>49247652
>Someone here is being a dick and its not me.
t. A Dick

>>49249856
>When I told the dead party members to reroll their characters
Where you just that calm like it was totally reasonable? I wouldn't want to play with that asshole either.

File: explain this shit.jpg (90KB, 324x250px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 324x250px

>>49245889
>>49246027
>>49246301
I don't have a reaction image capable of expressing my disgust.

These people should fucking hang.

>>49247652
>> "I'm sorry sir, were not letting anybody take anything that could be a weapon"
even a simple cane IS a weapon, and many were either weighted and used as clubs or spiked and used for stabbing.

Even an ordinary cane is still a long sturdy stick

matt easton did a good video about it

>>49251858
Go for it, mate.

File: 1472922320417.png (324KB, 414x459px) Image search: [Google]

324KB, 414x459px

>>49251858
Nothing to lose.

>>49251858
I've said it once and I'll say it again.

Fuckin' do it

>>49251810
They've got to stop somewhere, right?

>>49251881
>>49251894
>>49251661
>>49251916
Alright, I'm typing this up live, so expect delays.

>>49253519
gaming

Well, looks like anything related to the shitlord is banned.

>>49251776
if you're afraid that old man would use his walking stick to kill you, you're some weak pussy

I was happily reading about overweight , autistic , weebs as expected and then bam incest meth pedo rape.

Fucking /tg/

>>49245889
>>49246027
I'm going to go take a loooooong walk and eat some icecream and pretend I never read this shit.

>>49249856
This is what happens when you play with assholes and let PVP happen.

Did you play on Roll20, perchance?

File: pPA6rRX.png (1016KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

1016KB, 1280x720px

>play worm that walks wizard
>LE (LG in his mind)
>wants to create a kingdom that isn't corrupt and cares for its citizens (subconsciously with himself as ruler)
>originally sees party as means to an end
>things change
I've been given a lot of shit from you guys for playing a LE character among a good party before, so I'd just like to say everything is fine and it hasn't been a problem yet or ever will be because he's slowly turning good [\spoiler]
>party has a young cleric (18) who's underdeveloped socially/intellectually and very naive / innocent
>human, but has clipped angel wings due to plot reasons
>worm that walks (calling him Azan) feels pity for him
Is probably worth mentioning that party knows who Azan really is, and he hides his face with a mask and otherwise uses disguise self to appear human to important NPCs
>Azan goes out of the way to start protecting cleric, subtly at first
>eventually offers to teach him when he finds out he can't count
>Azan hosts a school for him every long rest
>soon, cleric starts trusting Azan more than the other party members
>out of the two other party members, one is weary/distrustful and the other neutral of Azan
>Azan feels more responsible for cleric when he finds out his father abandoned him (even though cleric believes it was an honest mistake)

File: Wtw.png (337KB, 433x700px) Image search: [Google]

337KB, 433x700px

>>49255064
>fucked up the spoiler that bad
Anyways:

Last session
>cleric wants to go buy flowers, Azan accompanies him so he doesn't get lost
>Azan instructs him to count out the 5 silver pieces for the flower
>successful after a few tries
>Azan expresses that he is proud
>cleric has never been happier
>leave shop, hear shopkeeper explaining to someone about "a wonderful young boy and his father"
>cleric gets a little nervous
>back in tavern, halfelf princess NPC who has been accompanying us requests to speak with cleric (she has suspicions of him being angelic / having wings)
>politely asks Azan to leave
>comply, as Azan seeks to win her favor (part of his long term goal is marrying said princess for political power)
>by the end of conversation cleric is very stressed out (he is very shy of his wings/tries keeping them a secret)
>dashes to Azan's room
>smoking a pipe, reading a Spellbook, legs crossed, looking very fatherly
>cleric nervously explains situation, Azan calms him down before sending him to sleep
>subconsciously says "Thanks dad" before he leaves
Best necromancer I ever played. Completely unrelated but half the players (including the cleric's player) are kind of annoying artistic tumblrinas. Good thing I put up a pretty normalfag disguise and get along with them. They're actually phenomenal players and it's been a lot of fun so far.

File: cryingkid.png (9KB, 190x159px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 190x159px

>>49245889
Jesus Christ...

>>49242939
I want to be Autism, Destroyer of Social Awareness

>>49242997
The only problem here is your THAT GUY didn't have enough misogyny. If he had enough misogyny he'd have seen right through that stacy's passive-aggressive revenge bullshit.

File: what in gods name.gif (911KB, 296x291px) Image search: [Google]

911KB, 296x291px

>>49245889

>>49255074
>playing with alignments
anon...

File: reaction_drinkcoffee.jpg (16KB, 267x274px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 267x274px

Most of my best anecdotes revolve around a single dude, one of my first players, who had no familiarity with tabletopping whatsoever. His idea of it was "World of Warcraft with papers and dice".

So when the party found a dungeon, or a cave, or an ancient temple or whatever, he would always ask me if they had "entered an instance". He would ask me how they could best grind for levels, and one time he raised his hand to call a petition for "more loot".

And while all this was amusing in a low-key sort of way, I admit it was also frustrating to deal with. It messed up the pacing because he would always interrupt whatever was going on so he could ask if the monster they were hunting "had any drops for his class".

But the crux, then, was that he would actually attempt to roleplay. I'd talk to him, explain what everyone else in the group expected from the game, and he'd agree to try. I told him that roleplaying is like writing a story together, and he took that to heart.

In fact, he took it quite literally. Instead of trying to figure out what actions and reactions made the most sense for his character (a sneaky rogue type who wanted to become the best assassin in the world), he would try to think of stuff that would make for a good "story".

An example. One time he picked up a camp follower and paid her a silver a day to follow the party and be his personal whore. This he did SPECIFICALLY so he could get her pregnant with a bastard child, because bastards always make for good drama in fantasy. Eventually, after she failed to get pregnant quick enough, he slit her throat in a baron's guest room so the party could have an escape scene with the city guard.

And so it went on.

>>49254523
Because no one was afraid of Andrew Jackson when he was president.

>>49255311
Bless his little cotton socks for trying.

Get him to watch some LPs/APs online, maybe? Preferably with a group that plays in a way you're cool with.

File: 1473282203828.gif (3MB, 400x225px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 400x225px

>>49255311
>he slit her throat in a baron's guest room so the party could have an escape scene with the city guard

>>49245738
Kiddy Fiddler here.
Sometimes the kids are asking for it tho and their dads are being unreasonable in repressing the kids' sexualities.

>>49255277
Oh come down off that high horse and let him have his fun.

>>49255277
Not my first choice either. Sometimes, you just have to consent to the majority's opinion. It really doesn't matter though, they're pretty arbitrary when we actually play. Although I have to admit, it's fun to engage in the out of character discussions about alignment.

File: 419961fec6bf7ee15174d62790ac1c81.png (103KB, 420x420px) Image search: [Google]

103KB, 420x420px

>>49255335

>>49255335
Here's your (You). I hope everyone in this thread is satisfied to leave it at that.

>>49255339
Sure, whatever.

>>49255340
Alignment discussions that don't end in flame wars and
>muh morality and ethics?
Where the hell are you living that it can happen?

>>49245938
>>49245961
>>49254608
>>49247573
Welcome to 4chan! There'll always be more fucked up shit than what you just saw. And someone will be masturbating to it.
Better powerlevel your resistance to grossouts!

File: rwfmASd.jpg (111KB, 1000x871px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 1000x871px

>>49255360
I don't know how this even happened. I regularly stay up with the tumblrites up to 4am after the sessions exchanging bantz and talking about the campaign without devolving to politics or any other shit topic. Is this my recompense after lazy players ruined my last two attempts at DMing, having my last DM disappear randomly, and having the previous one devolve to some magic realm bullshit?

>>49246027
Oh, gay people and their wacky fetishes.

>>49246056
> Everyone hates pedophiles.
I don't! Great stories. Plus they're less likely to be "BAN WHAT I DON'T LIKE" prudes.

>>49246339
>Using facebook

Changed my mind. Jew pedo is worst pedo.

>>49246606
>It reminds me of a piece of news where a neckbeard chatted up a 9 year old girl for three or so months. Then drove to her house and the two of them went on a roadtrip. They fucked regularly as they went around the states. Were eventually caught and prosecuted.
I didn't get arrested.

>>49249856
Haha nice.

>>49253093
Oh! Oh! I can explain this one since I have the same thing!

It's his sense of justice.
People don't deserve to be beautiful, so making them mutilated and ugly is bringing the universe back into balance.

As for why he'd think that people don't deserve to be beautiful? Low opinion of people. Doesn't like them. So he thinks they don't deserve nice things.

>>49255542
>>49253093
He probably likes the flawed and damaged prostitutes since those people are honest - they know that they are low-quality and shitty, and the prostitutes have what they deserve (a low quality shitty life)
That honesty and faithfulness to justice is an attractive quality.

>>49254605
>I was happily reading about overweight , autistic , weebs as expected and then bam incest meth pedo rape.
>Fucking /tg/
stay on 4chan for a few weeks and you'll enjoy the stories of the incest meth pedo rape too.

>>49255572

I've been on 4chan since 2008 and pedo rape shit still pisses me off. That and animal abuse.

>>49249856

Sounds like they did a pretty good job of roleplaying a chaotic evil party.

>>49255074
Comfy. I like it, way better than pedo stories that make me want to wait in a dark ally and kill sneaking pedos and rapists.

>>49242489
i have a short story about someone i played 2ed dnd with who had never played tabletop before. i will call him "tertiary reality show character"

tertiary reality show character decided to play a ranger. he initially wanted to have a lobster as his animal companion, but, the dm and my other friends managed to talk him out of it as lobster was a delicacy in the seaside village we were starting in. so instead he chose a bear. we went into town and met up with the mayor who gave us our objective: to slay some beasties who had taken up living in the sewers beneath the village. when we got there, everyone but tertiary reality show character entered without incident. the entranceway was too small and narrow for him to fit his bear inside, so, he ended up having to leave it in the town stable. later we get into combat with some goblins and he has the genius idea to use his telepathic link with his bear to tell it to come to him. so he does. and the bear runs through town and ends up getting slaughtered by a group of townsfolk who are terrified at the sight of a bear running through town, so, he ends up taking damage and starts bitching that he's useless now since his bear is dead. later on he kept talking about how he wanted to get a sentient owlbear as his companion. in the next session, we found an old witch in an encampment of soldiers who were fighting goblins. stuff happened and the wizard asked her to teach him grease, which she agreed to on the condition that he make a sacrifice. i don't remember if the dm meant human sacrifice or some other sort of sacrifice, but, the wizard ended up choosing tertiary reality show character. he passed out, woke up bound to a tree and was surrounded by a bunch of spectral bears. upon waking up the first thing he did was look over at the wizard and witch or druid or whatever she was, and tried to command the spectral ghostbears to attack them. suffice to say, it did not work. as he was being torn to shreds by the bears,

>>49255740
he tried to curse the wizard and druid/witch/whatever the fuck she was which worked as well as him trying to command the bears. after being devoured and conveniently leaving only his gear, he ragequit the game for being used as a sacrifice so the wizard could learn grease

>>49249856
Should have played Paranoïa.

File: 6 LRMS.jpg (193KB, 600x576px) Image search: [Google]

193KB, 600x576px

>>49245889

>>49255740
This seems more like "DM was a dick to a ranger" than anything else. Can't blame the guy for being useless when some of his primary class abilities (i.e. his animal companion) have been taken away.

File: image.jpg (92KB, 762x1048px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 762x1048px

>There are actual honest to goodness real people who would rather fuck babies than reptile-girls
>There won't be a reptile-girl option

Damnit I just wanna stick my dick in a consenting lizard partner of legal age for the purpose of having fun and I can't do that, but other people in this world have actually raped babies. Yeah, no, uhuh, that's cool, that's totally fine, thanks real life, you're a cool guy, let me just down a nice cup of arsenic to that

>>49246301
meth is a hell of a drug is an understatement here

>>49247175
Really? I all always thought he would be fatter...

File: 1449171606316.png (730KB, 1679x979px) Image search: [Google]

730KB, 1679x979px

>>49256056
Snake is best reptile. I wanna marry this snake

>>49255740

Awful DM.

>haha, your bear is too small to fit into the area I'm telling you to go to. Even though I could easily arrange for a nice bear-sized well around the corner, I'm not going to let you actually play the character you just created.
>haha, the peasantry that I control with my imagination have decided to kill your bear. Even though I could just decide to have them shit themselves and flee.
>haha, a player just decided to sacrifice you for the sake of a single moderately useful spell and I'm just going to let it happen. Even though I could just have the witch say "no, not that kind of sacrifice".

And to make everything just slightly more shitty, this was someone's introduction to the entire PnP genre of entertainment.

File: oomies.jpg (41KB, 540x540px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 540x540px

>>49247652
oh man I fucking know that feeling. Here's a story:
>playing a campaign centred around the gods having gone missing, trying to get them back and discover what happened, suddenly off the main story and in a town trying to kill some necromancers for some reason
>Be in coroner's office
>necromantic magic causes the hands of the dead to come alive at night and murder random citizens
>we bust in because so far the clues he's given us lead us to believe it's just one corpse
>take the corpse
>hands come alive, we kill them all and clear out the place, not so hard.
>singular suspect in this is the coroner himself
>ask him about it
>he refuses to cooperate, answer questions, let us look around, pushes us to leave
>i'm playing a human warlock who's whole aesthetic is that he's a 7ft tall well muscled human from the far north who takes no shit and has his own morals
>decide to try and push past him
>succeed, knock the guy down, his head cracks open and he dies
>the DMPC, an elf cleric, gets pissed and says that I need to face justice.
>I say that perhaps for the sake of the greater good we should at least use this opportunity to gather info in the office, which is the whole reason i bust in.
>not having it, a small, 5 ft tall elf, tries to grapple me into submission to face the town's law
>he doesn't even roll, just tells me it's a success
>get sent to town jail
>that night when i'm dreaming he tells me my fiend patron pulls my warlock powers out for a whole day to teach me a lesson about "getting along with the party so I can get this mystery solved quicker, per his orders"
>he essentially made me weaker, in order to motivate me to do his bidding faster.
logical. my DM has great ideas but good fucking god he railroads like a motherfucker. I feel like i've been creatively lobotomised.

>>49256223
Time to tell him, "My character leaves the group, since he is now a liability." Then "This player is leaving the group, because the GM is a liability." Then leave.

>>49256223

>DMPC
>he doesn't even roll
>fiend patron pulls my warlock powers out for a whole day to teach me a lesson

And for a special-needs cherry on top of this retard cake, said lesson is...
>"getting along with the party so I can get this mystery solved quicker, per his orders"

Even though said "party" was really just the DMPC actively interfering with the investigation.

Good gods, you've got a fucking terrible DM. You claim he's got "great ideas", and yeah necromantic hands coming to life and killing is certainly unique, but good ideas aren't worth shit. It's the execution what matters, and this is some pretty terrible execution.

>>49256297
>>49256240
I know, he's a friend, and a writer, but because he's a writer he's used to setting everything that happens. I try and rebel in story but he doesn't quite get the idea. I even told him before the campaign to avoid railroading. I can't even leave the campaign because I see him every day and he's still a bro, he just needs to be in control too much.

>>49256316

Then perhaps it's time for someone else to sit behind the screen until he learns how to DM right.

>>49245889
Wtf. No seriously what the actual fuck.

File: 1466885884101.jpg (42KB, 800x587px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 800x587px

>>49245889
I don't come to /tg/ for this

>>49246627
How is this even legal, like how is this not raided by the police super hard. I don't understand how the fuck this even exists on the surface web.

>>49249959
Wait... What?

>>49255740
>someone have not played PnP before
>DM being dick to him for no reason
>does rookie mistakes
>DM doesn't try to talk him out of it saying what could happen but just kills his bear
>DM kills him with spectral bears for no reason
No idea how how good or bad that person could be if he had decent DM and not that flaming faggot

>>49255740
man that's just sad. why can't he have a lobster for a pet. make it enormous and easily pissed off. maybe the lobster is aware of the villagers lust for lobster and has a whole backstory based on vengeance for his family by teaming up with the singular bro ranger who comes by.

>>49255740
>2e
>ranger has telepathic link
Stories that didn't happen.

>>49256223
>succeed, knock the guy down, his head cracks open and he dies
This happened to me except my character was the one getting pushed. I was at full health and was like level 3 or something.

>>49258160
tbf that's the most believable part of my story because he was like 80

File: 545451545154.jpg (49KB, 493x828px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 493x828px

>>49245889

File: 1473266009851.gif (489KB, 497x373px) Image search: [Google]

489KB, 497x373px

>live in a college town
>work at a comic shop
>it's easy to get groups together to play Pathfinder
>at the height of it all I DM'd a 5 man party that was perfect and had no "thatguys"
>Start a Darksun campaign and everyone is having a blast
>time passes, people move away because they finish school
>only have 2 friends and a co-worker left and they all hate each other
>girlfriend has no interest in RPGs
>spend most of my time drawing stuff that happened in our old games

I hate my life.

File: Anon's GM.jpg (31KB, 394x499px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 394x499px

>>49247652

>>49245889

MY EYES

MY FUCKING EYES

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME

KILL ME

>>49258368
My guy was an elf thief with 19 dex (2e 84 points for stats, 1 point is 1 point, racial adjustments make the maximums instead of adding/subtracting).

>>49259780
fuck man, did you roll bad or was it bullshit?

>>49259883
I didn't roll anything. New player playing a half-orc shoved past me. DM ruled that it slammed me into a tree and I fell on the ground. Group's cleric failed perception check to see me bleeding out on the ground.

>>49259897
well that's stupid. i just killed the dude because my DM wanted to flex his power muscles and send me to jail so he could put in a small, relatively useless plot point that ultimately dentrimented me.

>>49259932
>well that's stupid
I agree. That was the last time I played with that guy. I played with the group some more, but I didn't want to play with him. Didn't yell at him or anything, guy playing the half-orc felt really bad and apologized, he turned out to be a really cool dude.

DM honestly just didn't like me. Don't know why, he just didn't.

>>49256211
If this was Dungeon World and not D&D people would rejoice and cum all over the place in hipster happyness.

File: smuggriffith.jpg (218KB, 1680x709px) Image search: [Google]

218KB, 1680x709px

>>49255655
It's funny, Azan is based of Griffith, and I planned for him to be Griffith-tier cruel. However, since I'm a firm believer in character development rather than railroading muh master plan, things progressed to where he's quickly becoming a Necrodadmancer

File: jim.gif (393KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

393KB, 250x250px

>>49245889
thanks doc

>>49260080
oh boy, will this end with a sacrifice?

>post my rdw deck in modern thread
>not even a minute later some autist is calling me brain dead

>>49243215

He tried to hit his friend after 10 years of friendship just because some slut was using him to get back at the guy.

He deserved everything that came to him

>>49261875
Imagine thinking that you'd finally gotten a bit lucky for once, but then it becomes undeniable that this girl - a girl you were crushing on, mind - was only with you to get back at some guy. You dragged your heels and got in fights with that guy because of her, and god knows what else to keep an illusion of a relationship going out of game.

>>49255360
Reasonable real life people, and not the caricatures of people that fa/tg/uys like to say are real.

Let's be honest, 9/10 arguments are started by trolls and the 1/10 is some autistic idiot who takes alignments completely seriously. The ONLY argument I've ever had about alignment in real life was a party in a game I wasn't playing bragging about massacring an entire village for not giving them a reward they weren't even promised and insisting it wasn't an evil act.

>>49247108
Yes and he has a new video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdbGottWlJw

>>49251661
>posts about Virt get deleted
>posts about legit, violent child molestation remain
Jesus Christ, mods, where is your humanity?!

>>49251810
>people start pushing for pedophilia
Except no one actually does that, moron.

>>49246671
I believe you're talking about the Tale of the Purple Penquin. I have it, but not on my phone, which is all I have currently. I'm sorry to have failed you.

>>49258801
>he doesn't rebuild his group with a glorious new generation to teach them the grandness of pnp games
No, anon, YOU are the failure.

>>49255331
...Carl?

>>49265033
If serious question - no. If reference, not familiar.

>>49264579
Please don't be real. Just please don't let this be real.

Repost the psych report on another board?

>>49242489

wat

File: Southern_Chivalry.jpg (68KB, 565x370px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 565x370px

>>49254523
Preston Brooks?

>>49264631

Apparently some leftist try to

and then you have retards here who defend lolis

>>49267712
its true its basically all libtards try to do on here

>its ok to rape babies stop triggering me!!!

fucking sick of it, s . j. w . trash
i think theyve got people on the moderating team by this point so watch your wordfilters people

>>49267767

Say SJW Jesus christ

File: worst mistake a player ever made 2.png (29KB, 522x247px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 522x247px

>>49244338
You asked for it. You can't un-ask for it.

>>49242689
You ever see someone go at someone else with a butter knife? If they put enough feeling behind it the results aren't pretty.

>>49247652
So your GM denied a barbarian his birthright to mutilate his kill regardless of reasons? That's kind of fucked up. I've had barbarians declare that they were gonna split open skulls just to see what the brain smelled like and I've allowed it on principal. Fuck, if there's a barbarian in the group you should just assume that they'll declare double tap whenever they please.

>>49255381
>Not just specing immunity to grossout and eldritch horrors
baka desu senpai

>>49256223
That's fucked up

>>49257882
That legitimatley sounds fun, if it was a giant lobster that probably means it would be super old too, so it could be like an angry racist grandpa giant lobster.

File: are you a bad enough dude.jpg (74KB, 1024x894px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 1024x894px

I've been waiting for an opportunity to tell this story for a while now. It isn't a story about shitty GM's or That Guys or any kind of woe whatsoever. It's more or less the most fun game I've ever had in a long time. It was a game of Feng Shui, now if you don't know Feng Shui it's purpose as a game is emulating old action and kung fu films. This was all done in one night with six players and a GM. The game we played went on one premise:

>Are you a bad enough dude to save the president's life?

I'm going to try and see how best I can write this up

>>49246230
I actually bought a copy of Wraith the Oblivion at Goodwill once for $2.
Everything about it seemed really cool but i doubt i will ever get to play it.

>Want to play a blind character
>Ask GM if that's ok before I finalize my character's creation
>GM says ok provided that I invest in a power that I can use to see
>I acquiesce
>Get through a bit
>Find out that the GM was expecting me to be using the power at all times

I don't know what I was expecting to be quite honest thinking and of re-rolling the character since part of the concept is pretty much dead. Maybe I can fluff it so it's not quite so boring.

>>49270645
just play an oracle.

one of their curses is they are blind but get tremorsense or some shit.

File: 1456284405167.gif (979KB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

979KB, 320x320px

What the fug did I miss

>>49264579
>>The legend of Stinky

lol

>>49271207
Not that kind of game, senpai

>>49271207
I think the guy actually wanted his character to struggle with being blind

Which desu sounds like a recipe for ass pains in most settings

>>49271631
I had a sapient companion animal built in with my character, I would have been fine. Also the setting is quite abstract so it's not like the GM would have had to do a whole lot to deal with it. It's just something I wanted to play with for a while now and I haven't gotten the chance to do so yet. Then when I finally ask and get permission I'm really quite disappointed with the lack of follow through.

I'll manage though, at worse I'll just ask to roll another character and if that's not possible I'll politely bow out.

>>49271942
Oh, alright. Tbh i thought you were going to end up being one of those guys' whose character is the equivalent of a one atmed fighter, but thats much less dumb then what i imagined. Sorry for having little faith in you anon

>>49272069
>one armed fighter
God, no. Fuck that. I wouldn't want to play as a combat class without some kind of vision.

Actually, that reminds me of the time where one of my PC's who was playing a Gnoll Barbarian stuck his arm into a damaged teleportation nexus after he had seen it sparking and had received "warning" from "the gods" that he really shouldn't do that.

He was still easily the biggest badass in the group as far as combat went. Fried eyeballs and optic nerves or no, he fucked shit up.

File: griffithsacrifice.jpg (46KB, 639x479px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 639x479px

>>49260272
No. Yes.

what the fuck happened in this thread to cause all the anti-pedo rage and deleted posts? Did Jared Fogle play DnD or what?

>>49270645
I had a player playing a blind character. He homebrewed a race that was pretty much crippled with more cons than pros.

Anyway, his character was a blind winged female who used crossbows and hand crossbows. She had a yelm (some sort of dragon skull) that enabled her to see normally but whenever she saw someone taller than her, she was forced to challenge them to a duel. Mind that she was 5"5' and most people were above that, so most of the time she had to keep the yelm away and be leaded by someone, and that someone was the lesbian kitsune rogue. If I recall correctly the kitsune tried to seduce her. Obviously failed because she didn't engage in glorious melee combat.

Also, that kitsune was the waifu of the player, so obviously any dangerous situation was avoided by him. Laying plot hooks to start something without being to rail-roady was rather hard.

My first time playing TTRPG and DMing and already had to deal with homebrewed races, scaredy cats, and That guy. Luckily things became better with time.

>>49267712
What they are actually trying to do is make the child porn/rape laws less "I feel like using this against you because the law says I have complete latitude to choose to" and more "This is the correct and stringent definition of what quantifies this crime".
Lolicon art is that, and the arguments against it are either absurd reaches with no actual proof or motive power save emotion, or the same anti-art arguments that have been routinely overturned in America for decades.
You don't need to like or be party to something to realize that blanket bans on any creative medium is as unAmerican as it gets.

>>49273543
>>49271280
Someone posted images from a message board or something. I can't go into detail about what they said because I honestly couldn't bring myself to read them. The first one was someone posting about a boy ~11 months old and that is as far as I got since my own son just turned 1 last week. I couldn't deal with that shit.

>>49269391
>tt version of DragonNinja
I want to read this

>>49244099
>BRAGGING ABOUT IT
wot

>>49244385
>my group tried to modify griffons so they'd drop molotov cocktails
>tried

>>49265008
When you've been the DM for 9 groups, all of which you've had to make, over 6 years it gets old. Also what the fuck is pnp games?

File: 1407370834187.png (37KB, 777x654px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 777x654px

Lifesaving bump

>>49255064
>>worm that walks

A what?

>>49246838

Coincidences happen; at the bar I used to frequent, there was a local politician on the TV (bartender liked to watch the news); I made a disparaging comment about the dude, and one of my friends observed that he was sitting next to me.

Which he was.

>>49272323

My fantasy character concept is a right-handed swordsman who's lost all the fingers on his right hand and then sworn to never use a sword again I swear I made this before I read ASOIAF.

>>49277649
Paper 'n' pencil, I think.

>>49246671
You mean Britbongsteros?
You can find a good archive on 1d4chan

>>49255381
Reminds me of the /an/ thread where a guy talked about eating cat shit
You never expect it until it happens

>>49245889
>>49246027
What the fuck did I miss? Do I even want to know?

>>49264631
Read up on a Australian school that is trying to push for acceptance in their 'Safe Schools' program.

>>49242617
>long story short Benny is definitely going to be serving some time for this.
Nah, not likely. That's simple/5th degree assault at worst, he'll probably get a fine of up to $500 and be on his way, if he gets any time at all.

>>49283084
>implying weebs have $500
He probably spent all his money on the dress and pocket knife.

>>49244638
>Shit doesn't happen like that in real life.
You live a boring, sad life.

>>49279843
Fuck, now I want noodles

>>49276136
>Anons getting this triggered over fictional stories
Normalfags really need to go to reddit or tumblr, clearly they can't handle freedom.

It deserved to get deleted for being off topic, not for offending anyones sjw sensibilities.

>The first one was someone posting about a boy ~11 months old and that is as far as I got since my own son just turned 1 last week. I couldn't deal with that shit.
You should honestly consider if 4chan is the right website for you. You're a grown damn man on a website founded on anime that got famous for raids and child pornography complaining the content is too extreme.

>>49242489
'Kay

So around the time that "The Rehash Awakens" got released a friend of mine wanted to run an Edge of the Empire game because hype is one hell of a drug.

He's a new DM, this game only being his second, but he's great at improv and making things funny for the players so we get the same group from our previous Rouge Trader game he ran.

The group is about 6 players, bit unwieldy but we did alright the last time around. Sadly more people found out about the game and wanted in. Me being the oldfag of the group I suggested for him to cap the number of players, but he insisted that he could handle it. Oh well it'll be a good learning experience for him.

Final group count ended up being 9 but one of them stood out in the worst way possible....

Can someone just report on the facts that happened because this'll appear in the archives and shit anyway

>>49283481
Because he turned up in a punk darth Vader and refused to take it off, using the voice modulator the whole time

Just played my first session of a new campaign. My character is a dragonborn paladin/warlock, dressed in a suit and tie, with a 1911 in a shoulder holster. Anyone interested?

>>49283537
Oh if only.

>>49283481
For the purposes of this story I'm just going to call him newdouch because this was his first experience of an TRPG and we tried to ease him into the experience like you do, but rather than taking the advise of the more experienced players and GM he always wanted to do his own thing and was always too stupid to do it correctly.

For instance during character creation he looked at the races of the game and decided he wanted to play an race, the name of which escapes me, whose main shtick is social subterfuge and shapeshifting.

So logically we think "Okay so you want to play more of a social character right?"

"Nah I want to play a thief."

We suggest that if he want to change his race around so he's better suited to do that type of thing. He promptly ignores us and starts filling in his sheet.

After examining his character sheet we come to find that he's put his points into shit that makes no sense whatsoever, stuff like swimming, piloting, languages, and history.

We sort of tell him that he might want to focus his points on things like sneaking. He does so but for some reason he holds on to piloting and languages.

No bad so far, no quite up to speed on the rules but that's to be expected our first session with him of sets our main problems with him.

>>49283902
So the set to this session is that we'd stumbled upon a slaver ship who happened to be cutting in on our spice trade profits. So we decide out of the "goodness of our hearts" that we'd "liberate" the spice and slaves from their evil hands.

After boarding the ship and getting into a gunfight with the crew we had our sniper shoot the lock of the cage the slaves were held in so that they could make a break for it. Newdouche was in the cage.

So upon being freed from the cage the GM declares that a gun flies out the hands of our foes and lands at his feet. He picks up the blaster and asks the GM who the nearest person from our crew is to him.

He then says "I sneak up behind him and try to pick his pockets"

Long story short he steals the keys to our ship and tries to bolt without us, which he fails horribly at and ends up damaging the ship in the process because he didn't have enough points in piloting.

>>49283502
I wouldn't recommend looking into this, unless you want to be on the partyvan's fun list.

File: wtw.jpg (39KB, 477x479px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 477x479px

>>49281357
>he doesn't know about The Worm That Walks
The better version of Lichdom. Instead of a phylactory, you can fall apart and have your individual worms/maggots/caterpillars (that compose your form) slither away as quickly as possible. As long as a single vermin survives, you can reform. Furthermore you can do some pretty neat stuff like engluf foes, or the best yet cast animal growth (vermin) on yourself to become colossal. Pic related.

>>49284477
That seems like it would be very vulnerable to a single area of effect spell after your death.

File: download.jpg (7KB, 228x221px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 228x221px

>>49284477
So this.
Now I want to play this.

>>49251621
As a DM I have to be impartial. I knew it sucked but it would have been even crueler to tell them that they just have to sit there the rest of the session and watch the other assholes finish the adventure.

>>49283816
No.

Idiots Part I

How to NOT be a Rogue.

3.5 new, team decides to run a "fun" campaign. All of us try new classes, characters, etc. I run goofy Bard, dude runs clumsy Cleric, etc etc. Our "that guy" is actually TWO guys, one scrawny little shit who is a pissant, one who was a BVMNB who never bathed. WERE my friends from school, so I should have known better. Eh.

Anyway, we get on the game. Getting down through towns, falling over explosions, etc etc et al, having fun. Scrawny, call him Remmy, is running Rogue. And pissing us off. Why? Well, Remster decides it's gonna be hellafun to rob the party. Continuously. AND everyone else. ALWAYS. Party quickly goes from carefree goofy to pissed off and frustrated, because we're always missing shit like HPots and gold, and cause guards are always catching him steal or pickpocket fail and we have to ditch town. We start REALLY getting tired because our team can't freakin deal. He keeps stealing treasures from Dungeon Crawls, etc. FINALLY we have had enough when he take ALL the loot from a crawl and we are sick of it, so they all look to me, the DM.

I sit there and think out the issue for a while. Finally I come upon a solution. Remmy is bad for charging into a room under sneak and stealing everything, so I place a plain, white face mask inside a round room on a marble pedestal. Remmy asks the mage to ID Mag. It's magical. He goes hide and promptly takes it and puts it on. At that moment, the curse goes off. Mask is the "Cursed Mask of OH MY GOD LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

So, as soon as it's on, it melds with his flesh, his face now shines out a bright light ala maglight 5D cell, and he is forced to scream at the top of his voice "OH MY GOD LOOK AT ME!!!!"

We crack up like crazy, Remmy gets pissed. You'd think that'd stop HIM and encourage the other "that guy" to not be like that. You would be wrong.

>>49255311
>Eventually, after she failed to get pregnant quick enough, he slit her throat in a baron's guest room so the party could have an escape scene with the city guard.
My sides

>>49244509
This sounds like a horrible story of the downward spiral of someone who was sexually abused to me.

I feel sorry for stinky.