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Which D&D 5e class makes the WORST waifu?

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Which D&D 5e class makes the WORST waifu?
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>>49151374

Oh, and this is assuming that you're a member of their party and not, say, an orc rapist.
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>>49151374
warlocks are cunts who will date you just for your soul,nice guys finish last!
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>>49151374

Wizard. Realistically, they are probably older tan you by a lot. They are learned spellcasters, the prerequisite for that is multiple years of study.

Sorcerers on the other hand are god tier, you can just wake up one day with magic and be charismatic as fuck.
>>
How has no one said paladin? Especially Oath of Vengeance.
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>>49151374
Thicc
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>>49151650
>Thicc
>bad waifu class
You don't know what you are talking about.
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>>49151374
>>49151417
gonna agree with Warlocks, though not for the same reason.

Warlocks are bound to service of some weird, outerplanes creature, moreso, I believe than Paladins, Clerics, and Druids.

With those three, if they refuse an order from their partons, they just lost power, and their patrons seem to give them a lot of leeway.

Warlocks, from what I can tell either do it or get turned into a meat puppet and you will always basically be "the extra-marital companion".
>>
Trickster Cleric.

Prepare to be cucked. Possibly by a god
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>>49151374
Ranger. They're terrible at everything.
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>>49151642
I dont know man, paladins have pretty good charisma.. plus if you like muscles, the adventurer in plate and a greatsword is likely to have them.

Just be prepared for DEUS VULT in the bedroom, and for their "Holy Avenger" to emit a divine light.

Not the best, but there's definitely worse.
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>>49151650
How else would she take Orc dick?
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>>49151933
Great a pushy muscle girl that would sacrifice you to further her anti-goblin crusade with even a flimsy excuse.

No thanks, I'll take the ideal 5e waifu (lore bard) any day.
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>>49151767
But warlocks have high charisma.
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>>49152012
stretchy butt
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>>49152014
>implying you won't be her troubled prince that she rescues every other session

Do you just hate being truly loved by a woman?
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>>49152014
>pushy
What?
>sacrifices innocents
Is this bait?
>anti-goblin crusade
You're just fucking with me now.
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>>49152012
>How else would she take Orc dick?

Orcs? Why is it always Orcs?

A proper Paladin will try and tame the beast within the tortured soul of a man infected with lycanthropy, and when the full moon rises and he turns into a beast with a need to breed, she's got the motivation and the body to accommodate his bestial lust.

Mechanically, an aura against fear and immunity to disease would work really well for this scenario.
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>>49152152
Drawing humans with a green texture requires a lot less work than any other creature.
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>>49152152
Werewolves man. They do things to me.
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>>49152194

Please, talk about those feelings.

Because every time my guy gets bitten by a werewolf there's always at least one female PC who tries to get buddy-buddy.
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>>49152181

Most orcs aren't drawn just as 'green people' though, they've got specific features.

It's also not less work to draw things that look like humans anyway, what gave you that idea?
>>
>>49152144
>most important thing in her life is her oath
>puts oath before others (especially vengeance)
>oath of vengeance against goblins (and others)
>>
>>49152152

I want to play the Paladin in that scenario, getting a wary outcast hunk as a boyfriend that once a month turns into my personal killing machine sounds like my kind of fun.
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>>49152152
>immunity to disease

Wait, does this mean if her lover gets bitey during the act, she won't catch lycanthropy?

As a side note: the idea of sexual paladins doesn't sound too far fetched given history.

In fact the whole scenario reminds me of "The Taming of Enkidu" straight out of The Epic of Gilgamesh.

>>49152119
Yeah, but guess what, that's just how they convince you to stay in the relationship even though you're second string to some horrible demon, a tree-raping prettyboy, or a space mollusk.

Now, let us post warrior-fus.
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>>49152299

>Wait, does this mean if her lover gets bitey during the act, she won't catch lycanthropy

That's exactly what it means, a Paladin is totally immune to all forms of disease.

Though that could change if you argue it's a curse, but most would consider it a disease that turns into a curse.
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>>49151374
Paladins

>No, anon, anal sex is HARAM!!
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>>49152238
One of my first fantasies was a werewolf girl. Personally I blame cartoons for making me like furry porn.
There's just something about the whole, primal unrestrained bestial side, y'know?

Never been in a situation to play a werewolf or in a lycanthrope heavy setting, but now I think about it I probably shouldn't.
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>>49152322
Just so we're clear: it's caused by salivaborne bacteria which basically need to infect cells which then draw in the dark, primal, thaumetergic energies which cause the transformartion?

Or do we assume the lycanthropy pathogens are the tiniest sorcerers in the setting?
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>>49152400
Magic, man.
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>>49152400

DnD is very weird about lycanthropy; it's treated as a disease for the first couple days (with fort saves and everything) but after your first full moon it becomes a curse.

So I'd argue a Paladin getting her neck nipped by her werewolf lover while mounted wouldn't get lycanthropy. It's the same thing with vampirism.
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>>49152251
Special features as in they are ugly fat guys with green skin?

Orcs drawn for something other than porn usually have interesting designs. But orcs were brought up in this thread because they are always the go to monster for the monster raping PCs fetish. In those cases they are always drawn as fat, green men.

I don't understand it myself because why not just draw normal humans and call them bandits? It's the same effect.
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>>49152510

The Japanese have a thing for seeing pretty girls get broken on filthy old men.
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>>49152400
You mean "Does the relevant handbook use "Disease" or "Curse" as a keyword?"
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>>49152568
but what he's asking is "why not just use filthy old men"?

I guess they reeeeeeeeaaaally feel a few mouth tusks make them that much uglier.

>>49152486
>>49152489
Well, as long as we're all understanding.

>>49152375
just find people you're okay with that sort of thing and accept an ERP game.
>>
>>49152594

I'd totally join a game with you nerds, though I'd prefer to play the infected guy.
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>>49152299
You're thinking about this wrong. If you start a relationship with a warlock, you get to cuck Satan/Cthulhu, which is beyond alpha. You just need to get creative and use the situation to your advantage.
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>>49151417
>not wanting an antisocial, tiny, constantly frowning warlock for your waifu
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>>49152510

In either case, if you took a person and color shifted them green and called them an orc most people would agree it looks weird, tusks at least, sometimes a weird nose, the nips like pig faces from what I can tell.

And even if we go with "they're just green humans" how does it follow that it's easier to draw humans than anything else? Humans are difficult to draw. If you wanted an easy monster you'd draw a special snowflake creature that doesn't have anatomical rules you need to abide by for it to not look god awful. Or slimes. Or a myriad of other things.
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I know knight (female) is the BEST waifu.
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>>49152299
>Wait, does this mean if her lover gets bitey during the act, she won't catch lycanthropy?
Lycanthropy is a curse, not a disease.
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>>49152849

I've seen it described as both, but it's a pretty common trope for it to be infectious.
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>>49152849
refer to
>>49152489
>>49152322
>>
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>>49151767
Warlocks can be good or bad.
Clerics, Paladins, and Druids can fall. (Or at least used to be able to, even though in 5e only Pallys do) so if THEY don't follow their god's wishes, they lose their powers, since they're getting spells and power by praying "father may I" when they need it.
Warlocks, however, are taught secrets by their patrons. A patron could refuse to help them further if they didn't do as asked, but losing their powers is never involved. The issues with warlocks arise when they're more devoted to their patron than you, or the patron is a devil lord who owns their soul, or a great old one driving them insane, or a fey lord/lady that will smear you into the ground for messing with their goods...

Monks are the worst waifus. They achieve physical perfection and enlightenment, which is nice, but then they're never going to want to involve themselves in unnecessary excitement or carnal pleasures. Just eat dew from eucalyptus leaves, do yoga, and talk about balance and farming rocks all day.
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>>49152830
I assume any artist that takes their craft seriously would regularly practice drawing humans. Drawing in general is a challenging skill to learn, so easy in this case means the most practiced.

Drawing a werewolf I would think would be harder than drawing a human for most artist since there are many features they wouldn't have practiced. That's why many werewolves don't actually look like wolves. In my experiences many have normal hands and feet, but with long and sharp fingernails. Fur that looks more like skin. A normal spine so they don't have to make up entirely new poses and so on.

It does depend on the individual artist, but nearly all that I have seen can effectively draw a person without too much issue. A werewolf however, would likely be outside their comfort zone of the average artist without cheating and sneaking mostly human features into the design.
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>>49152845
I prefer economist (female)
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>>49152950
With wolf ears and a fluffy tail?
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>>49152968
No, with horns and useless flesh. I mean Horo is fine too I guess
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>>49152968
>>49153013
With the half-dragon template, surely?
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>>49151374
Cleric. Warlocks treat their dealings as a slightly distasteful business transaction, Clerics have to bring their fucking special best friend into everything. Yeah, I'm sure He cares about you, you and a million other robed assholes.
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Bard is worst waifu.
Barbarian is best waifu.
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>>49151374

Bards. Bastards (and bitches) are busy boning everybody in sight. Not exactly the most loyal waifus/husbandos.
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Such loving characteristics are not found an any woman outside of the underdark.
Each and every one is a treasure.
Nice doesn't begin to cover it.
Definitely go for a Drow Cleric as your wife.

Her majesty will captivate you.
Earning her affection isn't easy, but is deeply rewarding.
Learn to appreciate all her little eccentricities, because she must trust you to show them to you.
Pleasing her is a joy.
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>>49153991
How come I cant find A nice cleric girl like this?
I walk on the right side of the road,
I always offer them my fullplate to wear when it gets cold out and Every time I free a fair maiden from a tyrannical lord or beast they just gently shake my hand and i never see the again!
Should I add more plumes to my helmet?
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>>49152299
>The Taming of Enkidu

Welp. I'm sold now.
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>>49153106
That design is god damn garbage
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>>49154514
I don't know, it fit the pseudo-1500s look of the anime, especially when her hair was up.
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>>49151374
Bards are notorious sluts. so they'd make shit waifus.

>>49151601
>Realistically, they are probably older tan you by a lot.
Are you saying you don't like older women, anon?
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>>49154781

Older women are gross.

They know how to hold a relationship, they know all the right things to do in the bedroom (and aren't bashful about doing them) and they probably have stable careers.

What a nightmare.
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>>49151374
Paladins never put out, and are married to their job, constantly nags you about your non-good aligned friends.
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What class is the MOST LIKELY to be thicc?
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>>49154843
Older women are all taken
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>>49154916
Probably one whose job it is to march in full plate armor for hours or even days.
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>>49154916
do you mean thick as in "flabby", "soft" or "hard"?
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>>49151933

Paladin girls are THE most likely to get addicted to monstercock, only slightly above Rangers because Rangers are typically mentally unbalanced lesbians.
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>>49154916
Explain your memery and you shall get an answer
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>>49152908
>Posting in a 5e specific thread talking about other editions shit.
Stick your dick in a sausage grinder.

>Monks are the worst waifus.
Learn 2 Tantra and Sybarite, pleb.
There are countless ecstatic enlightenment paths.
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>>49151762
okay seriously, who is this character and why is she everywhere?!
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>>49152717
>Male Paladin of the Ancients
>Female Fey Pact Warlock

Best pairing, without doubt.
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>>49153991

Daily reminder that drow civilization is a fundamentally worthless, unsustainable mess and that, somehow, someway the drow have managed to make being an illithid's thrall seem less of an annoyance than being enslaved by their sorry asses. At least the mind flayers have the courtesy to turn off your brain; the drow will just bitch and whine about stupid things into your ear and continue backstabbing her peers until she inevitably gets backstabbed herself, and drow society is so slipshod it's easy to escape in the ensuing tumult as her estate gets shuffled around. The only actual trouble is getting out of the Underdark afterward, given you'll have to go through its actually dangerous inhabitants who aren't a bunch of complete morons. Like the fucking illithids.
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>>49154843
Mah nigga

>>49154920
Not all of them at least not in my Indonesian shadow puppet theater
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>>49153365
>Not wanting soft, milfy priestess to tend your wounds

Gay as shit tbqh. Clerics worship a god, that doesn't mean Pelor is literally spooning up with you every time you share a bedroll. Warlocks have that fucker actively interfering all the time, there's no escaping it.
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>>49155219

Her name is Tyra, she is a barbarian from someone's DnD campaign who was commissioned more times than most fursonas, which is quite incredible.

She was commissioned so many times that some artists draw her simply because all their contacts have drawn her.
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>>49155295
>soft, milfy priestess
But they're celibate. Quite literally 2pure.
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>>49154843
>They know how to hold a relationship

Which is why they let go of all the last ones, right?

>they know all the right things to do in the bedroom (and aren't bashful about doing them)

And know them because they're used goods with tired vaginas that may've popped out a kid already. But hey, if you want to be the guy whose girlfriend has experiential knowledge of other men's dicks, more power to you.

Even if you surpass them, you won't be able to fuck their memory away.

>and they probably have stable careers.

Well, I suppose there's things to be said about marrying upwards.
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>>49155386

Not all of them.
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>>49152375
Have an archetype for Blood Hunter.
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>>49155219
Is she? This is the first time I see her.
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>>49155395

What's wrong with experienced women? It's not like she's going to be loose from taking dick.

Plus, the memory of past lovers thing is irrelevant when I've got memories of past lovers too.
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>>49155487
>Plus, the memory of past lovers thing is irrelevant when I've got memories of past lovers too.
You seem to forget where you are
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>>49151601
>They are learned spellcasters, the prerequisite for that is multiple years of study.
Or kill a dozen goblins in two days and then multiclass into wizard.
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>>49155575
10/10
made me chuckle
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>>49155487

Was debating whether to take this in the "men have game, women are sluts" direction or the "well you're a whore too" one, but I'm busy now, so I'll just admit I was just trying to get a rise out of you with your fetish.
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>>49154895
Does that apply to all paladins?
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>>49156002
>so I'll just admit I was just trying to get a rise out of you with your fetish.

NO KINKSHAMING PLS.
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>>49156058
>kinkshaming

this meme needs to die
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>>49153991

>SEND HELP

You're slipping /tg/.
>>
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Why hasn't anyone brought up Witches as the best waifu class?
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>>49158030

Not everyone is into the quirky goth girl scene.

we call those people fools
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>>49158030
Depends on the witch
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>>49158030
>5e
>>
>>49158030
>>49158427
>>49158353
Goddamn these...witches...have gigantic...reserves of mana.
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>>49158771

Witches are meant to have very attractive bodies but trashy faces.
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>>49158771
Ara ara~, you're not getting this flustered over an old crone like me, are you?
>>
Which is the worst waifu out of sorceress, wizardess, and bard? Bard seems like a slut.
>>
>>49161342
Which sounds worse, being cheated on, or waking up to find that your dick is now a shark.

Actually that sounds fucking awesome.
>>
>>49154916
gladiator

healthy amount of body fat for protection and also stronk
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>>49151374
THICC
>>
>>49151417
This is different from normal women how?
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>>49151374
Obviously not the warlock or sorcerer, given that they have charisma as their primary stat.
Things that stand out as being awful would include the cleric, monk and paladin as they are all probably practising abstinence.
The barbarian is probably also terrible, given that their whole thing is rage, are probably abusive as fuck.
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>>49161535

Is Gladiator a class in 5e?

>>49161679

Shy waifus > Slut waifus

Give me the socially awkward Fighter, you keep the Sorceress who considers every pole a goal.
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>>49161814
high charisma =/= slut
Also high charisma means they're a lot better at more things than looking pretty and riding dick, it would also make them funnier, more sensitive to your feelings, and just generally more enjoyable to be around.
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>>49161854
>more sensitive to your feelings

Depending on system Wisdom (or its rough equivalent) would cover this part.

They would have a way of making you agree with their feelings though
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>>49158030
Witches are precious.
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>>49159028
>Implying making yourself sexy wouldn't be the first thing you'd do given magic powers
>>
>>49154781

I'm saying they're probably old enough to be your mom.
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>>49152299
>As a side note: the idea of sexual paladins doesn't sound too far fetched given history.

Well, besides that, most Paladin oaths in D&D don't mention chastity anyway. This guy in pic has a wife and kids at home, even.
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>>49152510
>Fat
>not buff as hell

Go back to /a/.
>>
>>49164188
And he gets cucked because he's an abusive violent asshole who never takes some time to visit his wife.
>>
>>49164981
You can uncuck him by urging him to accuse and sentence her wife for adultery though. Pottery justice.
>>
>>49161883

Perform (Sexual Technique) is a Charisma-based stat, and any proper high-Charisma will have points in Sense Motive.
>>
>>49153365
>Warlocks treat their dealings as a slightly distasteful business transaction

Depends on the Warlock. PHB says that it the relationship can be friendly, amicable, and even romantic if the player desires, but they STILL have to do tasks in order to keep their power that they might find distasteful.

>Warlock put in maid outfit by sponsor, made to clean infernal mansion
>Warlock is not necessarily female
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>>49164102
So you're saying they're MILFs.
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>>49165153

That's exactly what he's saying, women of proven fertility were always valued in the old days.
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>>49163962

>Implying making yourself sexy wouldn't be the first thing you'd do given magic powers

That's something I loved about the Witcher, the very first thing Sorceresses and Sorcerers would do with their magical powers is turn themselves into absurdly attractive people with unnaturally voluptuous figures or stately, masculine features.

That said, the reason I said their faces remain trashy is because it's easy to figure out what's a "good figure", but for some bog-living tart that's never seen a pretty face to save her life, the typical result of magic plastic surgery is something that looks less gorgeous and more "she looks like she can suck a mean dick."

Yes, I'm implying Witches unknowingly undergo bimboification.
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>>49165153
>>49165187
>You grew up never knowing your mother
>Hook up with a MILF
>She's actually the town's breeder and your mother
>>
>>49165235

Oedipus pls go.

Holy shit why is the term "town breeder" so damn hot.
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>>49165218
>Sorcerers
>absurdly attractive people
>>
>>49165256
It's a step above "town bicycle"
>>
>>49165276

Dethmold relished his appearance, you know.

More importantly, Sorceresses tended towards extreme beauty and voluptuousness while Sorcerers (such as Dethmold) went towards handsome, regal figures. Dethmold wasn't attractive sure, but he wasn't aiming for attractive.
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>>49165317

Doesn't the town bicycle often become the town breeder? If you're spending every weekend getting pumped by half the young bucks in the town eventually some of that spunk's gonna stick.
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>>49151601
>Wizard. Realistically, they are probably older tan you by a lot. They are learned spellcasters, the prerequisite for that is multiple years of study.
But a 14th level Wizard of the Transmutation school can shave 3d10 years off their apparent age every single day, to a minimum apparent age of 13 years. They can share this pseudo-youth to others, as well.
So even being an ancient magus of 90 years, they can choose to look like a teen. Or give you your /ss/ fantasy.
>>
>>49165328
He still looked like a crackhead what with the tattered dirty robes and slippers and whatnot
>>
>>49165376

That's because he was a filthy homosexual, anon.
>>
>>49151374
Probably Eldritch Knights, not that they can't be good waifus, but good luck finding one.
>>
>>49151374
Really thread? I thought it would obviously be Cleric of Death. "Hurr durr I'm an ebil necromancer probably gonna sacrifice you to become a lich" is no good waifu.
An Oathbreaker Paladin at the very least might be a yandere who broke her sacred vows out of (dark and twisted) love.
>>
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>sexy art is now so common in Western, and exaggerated in Eastern, gaming art that i am disgusted by it
>>
>>49165566
Nice blog. Have you tried visiting tumblr?
>>
>>49165631
>don't enjoy the constant sexualisation because it's all the same, not even giving different parts of the body focus it's just huge tits or ass
>hurr must be tumblr
lmao newfags
>>
>>49165566
>>49165652
>implying desensitization is an actual thing
It has been 20 years on these dark internets and I am still getting off to completely usual futa x female H
>>
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>>49165659
I unironically get off to a loving couple having happy sex. Bonus points if it's an experienced, older woman and a hesitant, younger man.

Even /d/ considers me a freak.
>>
>>49165659
>futa x female
Futa x trap or bust, fagit
>>
>>49165659
>desensitization is an actual thing
But it is if you actaully have intelligence above a drone
>>
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>>49165684
>a loving couple having happy sex
Why is this so damn rare?
>>
>>49164188

I imagine an ideal Paladin gf would be like Amy from Brooklyn 99. Not demure, so kawaii bullshit but antisocial and dorky because she's had a very rigid, disciplined lifestyle.
>>
>>49165792
Because it requires more than falling dick first into someone. It's actually the appeal of a lot of amateur stuff so they pretend to be couples and fuck slow.

Also, Lycanthropy is an infectious curse. It doesn't require saliva or other stuff. The bite is the ritual and the victim is the sacrifice. Curses spread all kinds of ways and to assume it's a biochemical vector is just silly when you have wizards and curses in universe.

>implying a paladin would be immune to lycanthropy as a rule
Being cursed with lycanthropy is obviously a good backstory for a paladin to search for a way to cure it before he/she can return home or regain his piety.
>>
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>>49151374
Analysis of all core classes
Barbarian
>crazy in the bedroom, thick, may have hygeine issues, probably one of the more hazardous waifus
Bard
>sexy, good singing voice, knows a lot of shit, but probs a slut and may have STDs
Cleric
>preachy, probably has some interesting fetishes tho
Druid
>almost certain hygeine issues, but second to none if you're a furry. presitigitation as required
Fighter
>thick
Monk
>disciplined, flexible, probably quite open minded, may lack passion
Paladin
>PREACHY, but hot, loyal, and definitely disease free. immune to fear, so she won't run off out of fear of your fetishes
Ranger
>can find her clothes in the dark
Rogue
>may steal from you while you're sleeping post coitus, but limber and really know how to handle a dagger ifyouknowwhatimean
Sorcerer
>hot, young, magic, may have some baggage regarding bloodlines
Warlock
>most hazardous waifu, probs has some magic to spice things up in the bedroom tho
Wizard
>older, but can probs change appearance. smart, maybe arrogant tho.

Monks seem an excellent contender for best grill. Cleric or warlock for worst.
>>
>>49166516
Clerics come as various as the gods above. A cleric to Sharess would be a horny slut while a cleric to Loviatar would be a psycho murderer. While all classes can be interpreted in various ways, Cleric by far has the widest spread due to D&D's tremendous pantheons.
>>
>>49166516

I'll still take Paladin. I'm a real straight edge kind of guy so I can appreciate a tough Lawful Girl especially if she prefers bottom

However, I can tell you right now law enforcement and first responder types tend to have some serious personality issues off-duty.
>>
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>>49151374
Speaking of 5e... why is there so many God damn 5e games on Roll20? You know when wizards of the coast shut down their forum I expected most of that whankery for the newest edition to stay solely on mythweavers or some hole in the wall message board stuck in 2001.

But no... that shit is everywhere. And it's not even that good. Yes Pathfinder isn't the most balanced, but at least it's the best parts of 3.5 via Tome of Battle and Dragon magazine.

You don't even see 4th edition games anymore, and the few AD&D ones are only for the most high level of aspies who make you want to slit their throat just hearing them talk.
>>
>>49166654
Ultimately one of the biggest reasons 3.PF got popular was because of the SRD.
5E has an SRD.
Thus, 5E has gotten tremendously popular.

5E is also better balanced and streamlined. Not everyone likes having to sift through 50 skills.
>And it's not even that good
And that's a matter of opinion.
>Yes Pathfinder isn't the most balanced
Pathfinder's balance is atrocious in the extreme and trying to brush it aside is laughable.
>>
>>49166599
>However, I can tell you right now law enforcement and first responder types tend to have some serious personality issues off-duty.
Personal experience?
>>
>>49165684
>>49165792

The obnoxious thing is even when you get loving couples having happy sex, a large portion of it seems to be monster/woman.

I just want a she-elf and her human lover spending an adorable night together, or the sorceress and knight getting frisky while out looking for wood.

I think the reason this stuff is so rare is twofold; people assume it's common and thus not worth drawing, and most artists or players just can't do romance; half of the appeal in loving adorable sex is the puns, giggles, banter and sweet-talking. You think the average dork can pull that off?
>>
>>49166720

Why are people complaining about a large amount of 5e games anyway? Even if most of them are crap, that still means a large portion of them are gems.

5e may have a problem with every character winding up the same, but for most people that doesn't matter; people roleplay for the socialization and story, the mechanics are meant to be vessels that allow you to flow through the plot. Just because one barbarian plays the same as another does not mean the two barbarians are identical.
>>
>>49166741

Yeah. I'm an EMT, and my dad's a cop.

It's usually nothing dysfunctional but people who handle jobs analogous to those of your typical PC paladin tend to be very stressed out and sometimes bring it with them into their personal lives. Expected when you literally make a living dealing with people on their worst days.

A Paladin GF would be fun because she won't play games and would be pretty tough (meaning less girl drama). But she'd probably have a short temper.
>>
>>49166838

For what it's worth, Paladins are immune to fear and have an active effect that gives them extra support to their will through sheer force of charisma (aka, acknowledgment of the Self.)

A Paladin that loses their temper is a Paladin that's having a VERY rough day.
>>
>>49165631
Clearly you haven't, if you think tumblr isn't drowning in futa sex art.
>>
>>49166884

>tfw you will never comfort your Paladin gf after she spent twelve straight hours responding to a demon massacre at an orphanage
>>
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>>49166838
You're a shit
Rem is many times better
>>
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>>49166838
>A Paladin GF would be fun because she won't play games
That alone would be good for me, at least at the start. I'm so sick of this "mating dance" bullshit.
>>
>>49166988

Hey, bills gotta be paid some way. Better than retail.

Not my career though plz take me, Coast Guard senpai
>>
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>>49167023
Just because she doesn't play games doesn't mean there's no mating dance involved. Expect to find roses on your pillows and expect her to lose interest if you give in too early (because that makes you a slut).
>>
>>49166599
Ok, but your multiplying somewhat jaded/traumatized attitude by religious fanatic.

A paladin gal, while very good by alignment, is gonna be one difficult lady after a few years on the job.
>>
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>>49167043
I wasn't criticizing your chosen career path
It was a pun related to my Chinese cartoons
>>
>>49158108
Foolish it may be, but nothing gets me going like a manic pixie goth girl
>>
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>>49165383
He got what he deserved at the hands of Roche
>>
>>49167093

>some people I guess can't handle ripped black jeans and Celtic jewelry.

Paladins are still top tier, buy if a witch were into me I wouldn't say no just to hold out for a medieval lady cop.
>>
>>49166891
>Clearly you haven't, if you think tumblr isn't drowning in futa sex art.

Last I checked tumblr is drowning in white guys fucking white girls, actually.

The amount of art and gif they have of traditional male/female pairings is staggering.
>>
>>49167202
>The amount of art and gif they have of traditional male/female pairings is staggering.
I thought they'd be drowning in yaois really
>>
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>>49166745
>loving adorable sex
In my first draft of a story I'm working on, there's a scene where a villain tries altering a woman's memory of her wedding night by putting himself in place of her husband. I described the original memory she was struggling to keep, and was my own attempt at writing an adorable, virgin love scene. Laughing, awkward, accidental elbow smacks, groom climaxing way before the bride, the works. Characters in pic.

Not sure if the scene will remain, though. Big part of this draft is finding out what works and what doesn't.
>>
>>49161814
you were just asking for a class without specifying system

i never played DnD , but i guess you can make a gladiator with multiclassing and unarmored abilities
>>
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>>49166654
Because of shit like this, fuckface. Pathfinder isn't just 'not the most balanced', it's active dogshit.

I'm glad its dying, and I hope it burns in hell.
>>
>>49167296

As a regular from /pfg/, I'm kind of glad it's dying too.

I need a legit reason to move over to 5e, the past three releases from Paizo were not just bad, they were boring.
>>
>>49167296
Exactly. People like 5e because it does nearly everything 3.PF did well without all the stuff it did horribly. No one plays 4e anymore because it's main selling points were being the newest edition and not being 3.5.
>>
>>49167226

>Elf
>Virgin

C'mon now, make the human husband a virgin and the elf experienced (but genuinely in love with the man) if you want some extra fun.
>>
>>49165069
>rolling for anything sexual

Pleb as fuck tbqh
>>
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>>49167422
>Ara ara~ MILF elf tenderly popping a human's cherry
>She verbally teases him for remaining a virgin until he met her, but she's actually happy she was his first
>>
>>49165688
get out, incase
>>
>>49167574
>incase
Anon, i said FUTA on TRAPS, not tranny on tranny
>>
>>49167574
doesn't he deal mostly in shortstacks lately?
>>
>>49165659
>futa x female H

Me too lately.
>>
>>49166516
Its hard not to be arrogant when you can break not only the laws of man, but the laws of nature as well. Most of my wizard characters don't respect non-casters, because I feel like martial classes got jipped doing all that hard physical work for less potential power than the Wizard gets just by reading books.

Like a cross between a construction worker trying to teach his helper a more efficient way to work and being told to go fuck himself, and an honors student looking at the poor(financially) stupid kids in trade school/shop class. They aren't always rude, but they always feel superior.

Its not that the Wizard puts less effort in memorizing his book than the Fighter does swinging his sword hundreds of times a day, its just that working just as hard for a whole lot less is pretty retarded, and pitiful.

Clerics don't count, they didn't earn shit, all their power was given to them. About half the time, my wizards resent them for that. Like someone who earned their high position in a company from the bottom seeing some faggot just given his same rank because he's the supervisor's son or some shit.

On topic, Druids are a worst, I don't want her and her smelly hippie friends getting my tower dirty and inviting animals that might chew or piss on my books. Just one poofy tailed tree rat is a deal breaker.

The best waifus for wizards are just other wizards. Part of the marriage contract can be sharing all spellbooks.
>>
>>49152265
An oath of vengeance against goblins is a wasted fucking oath, anon.
(And I don't care if her loser peasant family got killed by goblins, that just means her family a shit.)
>>
>>49155224
That seems like Auntie Titania was working behind the scenes to make sure it happened.
Granted, really good chance it'll all end in tears, with his sword buried amidst the stones of the now-ruined castle, and her ghost singing sadly on the moors until the stars fade from the sky.
>>
>>49155249
It's important that we pretend that guys like Salvatore - the generation of writers who just kinda walked in the door and lucked into careers - had talent. (And taste.)
>>
>>49155487
Apparently, Ben Franklin wrote a letter explaining the joys of sex with older women.
>>
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>>49168159
http://www.swarthmore.edu/SocSci/bdorsey1/41docs/51-fra.html
>>
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>>49168052
>>
>>49165328
The short stories go into a greater description.
Basically, any trained sorceress has a greater likelihood to be concerned with her appearance, because the entire reason they were allowed to be trained in sorcery is because their parents wouldn't be able to marry them off - in other words, almost all of them started out as hideously ugly. This is not necessarily true with sorcerers, so only certain ones feel the driving need to go for attractive appearance (heck, some cultivate the wizened old man image, to be more 'distinguished'.)
The specific example given is that Yennifer actually used to be a hunchback.)
>>
>>49166815
Different needs for different players.
Some people really really want that character customization, or the feel that every fight is big and epic. So, you have a need for every edition.
Heck, even though I personally prefer 5 to 4 or 3, I'm not willing to say that the big surge of games and sales for 5e is the result of it being 'better', but just that it was the version of DnD that was available when geeks fully hit mainstream.
>>
>>49151374
>Which D&D 5e class makes the WORST waifu?
All of them.
Yep, all of them are worst girls.

"B-buh why?", asks the fa/tg/uy.

Well, the thing is - they are playable character classes.
They are PCs. That means that whatever their actions are, it's most likely due to a fat greasy neckbeard controlling their actions.

If you want a good waifu, you've gotta choose among the NPCs.
I mean, that's the whole thing about NPCs - they are just as shallow and empty as waifus are - a perfect fit!
>>
>>49168342
...Is a /thread joke still funny this far into the thread?
>>
>>49168363
We've already gone full waifuposting, so not really
>>
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>>49152014
>crusade
>being able to succeed while sacrificing the people needlessly
the knight of goblin slaying looks at you with a troubled, uncomfortable glare
>>
>>49165497
>implying lonely, antisocial women aren't the best
>implying villainesses aren't the best

You are no true knight.
>>
>>49168535

Why do people seem to assume lonely, awkward girls make the best girlfriends or wives when they're typically lonely and awkward for a reason?

Women who are confident in themselves and around other people are always going to be superior to the weirdo that's eating wall candy.
>>
>>49166516
>Monks seem an excellent contender for best grill

Mah nigga.
>>
>>49166654

You didn't expect the best and newest edition to be the most popular? How stupid are you? Ba~kaaaa~!
>>
>>49167226
>NTR

Cancer.
>>
>>49167229

How fucking stupid are you that you can't even read the OP?

>I never played DnD

Have you played any traditional games at all? If not, why are you here? You clearly don't know shit about DnD.
>>
>>49167363

Are we importing fuzzy waifus from /pfg/ to /5eg/? Because I hope so. Grognard tears over catgirl PCs are the best.
>>
>>49167676
>and an honors student looking at the poor(financially) stupid kids in trade school/shop class. They aren't always rude, but they always feel superior.

>mfw the honors student ends up working at Starbucks when the trade school kids get careers and can afford to have a home and a family
>>
>>49167676
Man, this is the real reason I want caster/martial balance, I want the option to play a wizard who isn't a huge asshole
>>
>>49167676

Your characters sound like assholes and you're clearly a 3.5 player.

I hope your DM cottoned to that and had your wizards raped by orcs until they were nothing but useless cumdumps that can't remember a spell besides "Groktogg's Special Fellatio Time".
>>
>>49152014
>wanting the petty, razor-tongued slut who has no reason to love you because she's used to always having pretty boys fawn over her

Disgusting.
>>
>>49158771
Hold fast, man! They are all wizened crones disguised with magical trickery to appear comely. By the time you know it will be too late!
>>
>>49168713
>Are we importing fuzzy waifus from /pfg/ to /5eg/?

I think 5e has very recently made Kitsune a thing.
>>
>>49168565

Because we're weirdos and confident women tend to be complete life-ruiners. I'll take my shy nerd waifu who masturbates to gundam and has never worn sexy panties in her life, thanks. She's 1000 times better than the typical Western woman.
>>
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>>49162987
You will never be called princess by a young, tall, gentle and beautiful witch.
>>
>>49168765

In combat in 5e they pretty much are balanced, it's the out-of-combat options that are a problem. I know my Fighter didn't have much trouble reverse-raping the party Wizard.
>>
>>49168957

This. She'll try harder, she won't care that you browse /d/, she won't demand constant attention to make up for her looks fading, she won't cheat on you and take half your money, and she won't tell you to hide your gunpla when her parents come over. Normie women are jaw-droppingly awful in every respect, and worst of all are the normie women who dye their hair purple, don problem glasses, adopt "quirky" mannerisms, and pretend to be one of us.
>>
>>49151374
I don't know who is the worst, but can we all agree that knight girls make the best waifus?

Especially if they have to keep themselves pure for marriage so they only want do it in the butt.
>>
>>49169114

Knight girls are THE biggest sluts for BMC.
>>
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>>49169114
>so they only want do it in the butt
The worst sluts aren't the unapologetic ones, but the "Jesus won't see it if we stick it up my poophole" ones.
>>
>>49169114
>Especially if they have to keep themselves pure for marriage so they only want do it in the butt.

What if they're traveling with their beloved/betroathed? Then they can take it the natural way as often as they want because they're gonna marry them anyway.

>>49169153
>Knight girls are THE biggest sluts for BMC.

Witches are actually the biggest sluts for BMC, they fuck monsters and *literally animals* for kicks.
>>
>>49168858
Well, how good is the disguise?
Because, I mean, if it's tactile, I'm sure we can work something ou-
er, um, I mean, deus vult, of course!
>>
>>49169170
>What if they're traveling with their beloved/betroathed?
Not married? Then it's a no-no.
>>
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>>49169170
>The ladyknight you're travelling with proposes to you
>She doesn't take no for an answer and refuses to leave
>She writes you poems and leaves roses on your pillow
>Whenever another woman shows interest in you, she tells you that you deserve better
>>
>>49169376
Well, actually, that would depend on the sett-

>mauled to death by angry wereboar before he can finish the (still essentially correct) meme
>>
>>49155375
Is there any r34 of her?
>>
>>49169497

Absolutely, she's got quite a few topless or fully nude pictures on Deviant Art.
>>
>>49169743
Or search the Hentai Foundery.
>>
>>49169395

This is actually a thing in Pathfinder, as the goddess of love (Shelyn) openly preaches courtly love to be practiced by her followers.

Canonically, knights and Paladins of Shelyn are encouraged to seek out a man or woman to make their object of affection, to whom they do everything from perform great deeds in their name to send gifts to even recite music or poetry.

>you will never have a female knight come to you with a white lion pelt crafted into an exquisite mantle and insist you try it on.
>>
>>49169854
>>49169743

The shocking thing about this character is that she's actually been commissioned less than Excellia, or whatever the name of that Minotaur queen OC is.
>>
>>49168729
Sometimes, NPCs have really low motivation.

>>49168798
Some of them are assholes, some are rather nice. I admit to enjoying the former more, but its not like i'm overly disrespectful. I just occasionally charge martial classes more for my enchanted items than fellow casters. One did the opposite out of pity. Small shit. And obviously I don't antagonize other NPCs without making sure the player is cool with it and it isn't obstructive.

I'd like to play 5e, and I'd love to play other systems, but the only two these guys play is 3.5 and twice Rogue Trader. Its hard finding a group where I live and one of my better friends is in the group.

Also
>spotted the salty sword swinger.
>>
>>49166838
Sounds identical to my cousin. She is a cop, and is like that exactly. Of course, she got her abrasiveness from my aunt, who got it from my grandpa.
>>
>>49158427
her arms must reach down to her knees that's disgusting
>>
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>>49155395
>Even if you surpass them, you won't be able to fuck their memory away.
>implying you can win against cock
>>
>>49173437
> Power unmatched.
> Mysticism and the physical realm are naught but two halves, separated and derived from a single greater facet of reality.
> Dick.
>>
>>49173437
>>49174059
But which has more power: MILF or dick?
>>
>>49174122
More importantly: What is born when the power of both are combined?

What new reality will encompass the multiverse upon the initiation of this synergy?
>>
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>>49174122
Dick.
>>
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>>49174151
I know of an artist that can answer your question
>>
>>49174580
Is this the fate of all planes?
>>
>>49168682
>NTR
Is what's essentially a failed rape attempt NTR?
>>
>>49170731

I would straight-up hammer your dick into your pelvis with the business end of a halberd and take your shit if we gamed together. You reek of That Guy, which is probably why you can only find the worst 40k game (teehee let's be eldar in 40k XD) and the worst DnD edition to play in.
>>
>>49174721
I don't believe you specified failure.
>>
>>49174151
babies?
>>
>>49152012
I like how you think Anon.
>>
>>49152152
I also like how you think.
>>
>>49175412
Ah, good point.
>>
>>49176525
No problem.
Although the lack of that clarification at the time made the post rather disconcerting.
>>
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Probably Barbarian, as barbarians practically by definition lack class and a classless woman isn't a good wife.

>>49152950
>>49153013
People need to stop posting inferior economics Maou who doesn't even have real horns and is probably actually just a human, and post the better Maou instead.
>>
I imagine that, before you're used to it, sex with a monk would be incredible...ly painful.

I mean think about it. Monks are all about perfect bodies and strength within and without and all that crap. That means they'd probably be able to last for hours, going full pelt. I'm sure you've all seen those gifs that loop the guy cumming and the girl shoving his dick back in to go again. It'd be like that, but for the whole night.

And that's why monks make best girls.
>>
>>49151374

The answer is Beastmaster Ranger. Just like always.
>>
>>49155295
>that doesn't mean Pelor is literally spooning up with you every time you share a bedroll

Shame on you, you should always leave room for Pelor if you're sharing a bedroll!
>>
>>49179084
Surely Pelor can use the one that isn't being used.
>>
>>49161814

Technically, the Champion archetype used to be called Gladiator.
>>
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>>49178303
>inferior economics Maou
It's time to stop posting. I think the contrast between her reputation as a ferocious demon king and her gentle nature is best expressed by making her look like a soft, gentle cow.
>>
>>49178303
Anon, she also doesn't have horns
>>
>>49182081
>Head maid
She's a gift.
>>
>>49153106
Kimono/eastern dragon princess is the best dragon princess.

Also, she's about on par with musician/bard though.
>>
>>49165372
That... may have just redeemed the transmuter school in 5e for me... goddamn it. Child-archwizard here I come.
>>
>>49165372
>>49182332
>Not turning yourself into an eternal loli instead
Come on now
>>
>>49168159
Fucking older women is fine if they still meet your standards, but they are single in middle age for a reason. You will regret making them anything more than fuck buddies.
>>
>>49183250
Disregard if she's a non-human wizard though. An elf or dwarf :3 can learn wizardry before she's cynical and jaded.
>>
>>49182519
Sadly, 5E forgot the Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity. Of course, at 17th level, you can just True Polymorph yourself into whatever shape you like. (Caster beware: if you go over your life span in polymorphed state, then transform back [due to a Dispel Magic or Antimagic Field or what-have-you], you will explode into a pile of dust.)
>>
Monks are absolute best waifu.

>Perfect control over every muscle in her body. You know what vagos and butthole are made of? MUSCLES! Neither too thigh or too lose.
>Purity of body and mind means no STD, and no bitchy mood swings.
>They look to obtain the perfect body. That ranges from slim graceful dfc to amazonian snu snu tier.
>Faithful, disciplined and cheap to maintain.

What else could you ask for?
>>
>>49183506
>5E forgot the Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity
Lemme guess, it was problematic
>>
No adventurer, nevermind a specific class makes a good waifu...

I ain't letting no monster slayer near my family jewels, i want to keep em...
>>
>>49183577
It's kind of a goofy item to begin with, really. It has no mechanical effects whatsoever (beyond making you susceptible to the extremely uncommon effects that are limited to the other gender). It just is.
>>
>>49183506
There's nothing about antimagic negating a True Polymorph after it's become permanent.
That said, RAW if you said that you wanted to turn into a cute elf loli, you would- but not a cute elf loli archmage.
>>
>>49183701
>There's nothing about antimagic negating a True Polymorph after it's become permanent.
Interactions of specific wording.
The transformation becomes "permanent", i.e. a spell with the duration of Permanent. It doesn't stop being a transformation, or your new base form, which is what would be necessary.
Within an Antimagic Field, all on-going spells are suppressed, including Permanent spells.
>>
>>49183685
>Remove RP item from your TTRPG
>This is somehow okay
I DON'T THINK SO, JIM
>>
>>49183872
I don't think it's a good thing to fill every book with the Gold Dragon Dildo of +2 Virility or Mordenkainen's Luscious Leafblower. It's kind of a waste of design space.
>>
>>49183892
It's the digital age, they have no excuse
>>
>>49151374
Wizards. They're all old men disguised as waifus.
>>
>>49183777
There are no spells with a duration of "permanent" in 5e. See Continual Flame, which has a duration of "Until dispelled". When the transformation becomes permanent, that form is their form.
>>
>>49151374
Druids
Dirty ass hippies that don't like to bathe and love nature more than you and will probably cheat on you with a fucking wolf.
>>
>>49183916
>There are no spells with a duration of "permanent" in 5e
Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion, if cast every day for a year, becomes permanent. It's still a magic mansion that can be dispelled, it doesn't become a real location.
>>
>>49183979
...no, it doesn't. Read the spell. It lasts 24 hours and has nothing about becoming permanent by being cast for a year. Perhaps you're thinking of Guards and Wards?
In which case,
>A: The clause about dispel magic removing a specific effect comes before the ability to become permanent, and it could easily be interpreted that a permanent effect could not be so dispelled
>B: Antimagic Field would suppress such an effect or prevent it for being cast for the first time, but not destroy it
>C: There are no rules within True Polymorph's description for it to be dispelled after concentration ends, the spell is completed, and the transformation is made permanent
>>
File: MPS.png (1MB, 573x906px) Image search: [Google]
MPS.png
1MB, 573x906px
>>49184102
I confused it with Mordenkainen's Private Sanctum, sorry.
>>
>>49184135
Well, while it is notable that the effect becomes permanent rather than making the spell's duration permanent, Dispel Magic can also target 'magical effect's. Whether this also applies to 'the transformation becomes permanent.' is slightly more unclear.

Moving the goalposts, there's nothing in True Polymorph stating that you go to dust if you extend past your original form's age. You return to the number of hit points you had before, and your gear melds back out, so why would age have been changed?
Even then, they could always just have a backup younger Clone waiting. Or even Clone the polymorphed form and just go straight back to that.
>>
>>49184310
>Moving the goalposts, there's nothing in True Polymorph stating that you go to dust if you extend past your original form's age. You return to the number of hit points you had before, and your gear melds back out, so why would age have been changed?
'Cause polymorph doesn't end or suspend on-going effects that a creature is going through. They retain any diseases, poisons, or magical alterations, and aging is an on-going effect.
>>
>>49184370
Wouldn't they then die of starvation if they've been polymorphed for more than 4 days?
I feel like this is a whole lot of "DM's discretion" territory.
>>
>>49184370
It doesn't end them, but wouldn't it just 'store' them until they revert forms?
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