Imagine that you meet up for a game with a pick-up group, and

>>49056674
I play Kender.

I play a male human fighter based on Gaston, I won't go magical realm, but being the pinnacle of what a man should be I will restore the DM's hope for humanity.

>>49056688
Sometimes the classics are the best.
There's nothing that pisses people off quite like a Kender or a Pooka played like a hyperactive kid on ketamine, because you can always just point to the book and repeat that the rules say that they have to be played like that.

Play anything but throw in weird fetishes that you don't even have
I know most of you have the acquired tolerance to do that, tolerance that most people just don't have and will be immediately weirded out by them.

>>49056674

A ultra-strict Lawful Good Paladin of I'm fucking with you.

I tell my friend to grow the fuck up. If he doesn't want to play with this group anymore just end the game and stop being a pissbaby about it.

>>49056674
I play an angry mercenary from not-Rhodesia and spend most of the game going on /pol/-inspired rants about all the other races in a bad south African accent.

>>49056674
>on-topic posting

Too bad these threads only are superilficially about traditional games, and are always offtopic.

>>49057164
would play with/10

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>>49056674
I play reapfield

>>49056688
Kender Xaositect.

>>49057189
>and are always offtopic.
pretty sure OP doesn't care if it goes off-topic.

>>49056688
First post best post. Double dubs confirm.
My plan? Go full /d/M and bring out muh magical realm to the max. However I can do that as a PC.

You know how in a comedy duo there's always a Straight Man? That's me. I'm the suit. The set up. Zeppo Marx. Even if I could go full magical realm, that realm consists of lolis, girls smiling and having fun, tender love-making, and cuddling afterwards.

I guess I just set up everyone else and laugh internally as everything burns.

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>>49056674
Well I make the loli ninja orphan assassin who's now a reformed paladin of the most powerful order in the realm (but secretly still an assassin), of course.

>a Tumblrkin who changes their three pronouns based on the Tibetan calendar.

Okay, I lol'd.

>>49057164
Godspeed, brother. Pic related.

>>49056674
Play an Ungermaw and eat the rest of the party.

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>>49056674
>Magical realm
>Fedoralords
>Tumblrkin

Oh, dis gun' b gud. I play a highly patriarchal medieval setting where women are generally confined to traditional gender roles (this kills the tumblrkin) but there is also an order of highly skilled female knights. However, these female knights still value their femininity (this overkills the tumblrkin). They're part of the order of St. Jeanne, which means they have to preserve their virginity until marriage, after which they leave the order (this destroys the soul of the tumblrkin). Did I mention all of this takes place in France, the country most likely to piss off Americans? Oh yeah, and everyone's super-Catholic, a pre-requisite of joining the order of St. Jeanne is being a good Catholic, God is real and Saints regularly appear before the knights to give them quests or support (this kills the fedoralords).

And here's the magical realm: it's a dating sim. The system we're using is MAID and all the players are European noblemen competing for the affection of a ladyknight of the Order of St. Jeanne. The apparitions of Saint Valentine functions as the DMPC who guides the players through the story and keeps everything on the rails. You "win" the game when you convince the ladyknight that you'd make the best househusband.

>My fetish
Check
>Pisses off fedoralords
Check
>Triggers tumblrkin
Check
>Crashing this group with no survivors
Check, check and check

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>playing magical realm with a bunch of 14-year-old children

>>49058076
>France
>most likely to piss off Americans
There is a place called England, ever heard of it?

>>49058635
Do you know an American? It's called the "Special Relationship" for a reason.

>>49058670
I am an American.

>>49056674
I play drink the koolaid and take the whole group with me on a trip to meet the Sky Spirit as a comet passes by. The ultimate mercy both for us and society.

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I build Requiem, the Vampire Knight, the edgiest character in all of existence. He's a Nazi soldier with a Jewish mistress who was reincarnated as a BDSM vampire. I out-edge the entire table and be a tremendous dick to everyone. I rape the women, crush the munchkins, and murder the fedoralords.

>>49056674
How would /tg/ leverage a serious, professional killer type of guy in the vein of The Punisher or Goblin Slayer with a cute, scarred up young teenager slave in tow against this group and crash everything with no survivors?

Hard Mode: No fucking the slave.

>>49058691
Why does Britain piss you off? Apart from from Aussies and Canada they are the Western country that's most like us. Sure they sometimes think they're better than us but Brexit proves they definitely aren't. Also their food is considered shit, but as a fat drunken asshole it's pretty much perfect for me.

>>49056674
>Edgelord
>14 year old
>Tumblrkin

The only way out is down. We FATAL now.

Or just deliver the mail.

>>49058732
>Sure they sometimes think they're better than us but Brexit proves they definitely aren't.
Meanwhile you guys are about to elect Donald Trump as your next president.

>>49056674
I pull out an old shame.
The backstory starts with the words, "The secret son of Doctor Doom," so I'll spare everyone present from the pure concentrated cringe.

>>49056674
Show up as a Dwarven Barmaid.

No special abilities, no magic, not particularly combat effective, just an stout, bearded woman who used to sell alcohol to the drunkest bastards who ever lived. Being on the adventure means she's not currently working. Not currently working means she probably won't be serving you. Being that she's professionally required to bring cheer, while remaining one of the only sober people in the room, she probably isn't going to waste her cheer off the clock. And she can no longer bring herself to drink after a hundred years of watching it ruin people's lives.

In Unearthed Arcana, they upgraded the Expert to be a PC class, and it's ogl, so it's on the srd.
Totally valid character.

>>49057164
>South African accent

Literally THE WORST accent in the entire fucking world.

>>49056701
>what a man shouod be
So all men should be spoiled, egocentric man-children, who can't read, broods like a bitch when he doesnt get his way, and is so stupid, he passes over three hot triplets and instead goes for crazy chick who hates him?

I mean, it wouldnt even be hard to charm Belle; All Gaston had to do was just pretend to be into similiar intrests. Just humor her ideas, buy her some books, and not act like a total douchebag, and she would have been all over him

>>49058820
To be fair, we haven't had a good candidate in 30 years.

>>49057164
Rhodesians never die. ;_;7

>>49058076
Please dm for me.

>>49058732
we aren't that like you desu - australians seem more like americans to me than other brits do, we identify more with candians.

>>49058725
Holy shit this is a real comic. Man the French are fucked up.

>>49056674
Genderswap, forced feminization, and kidnapping
>Oh no your character has been turned into a girl
>Oh no we need someone to seduce the prince at the ball in order for reasons and your character has the highest charisma
>Oh no the prince falls in love with you and proceeds to have his army try to track down the party to bring you back

>>49058156
Have you ever played with a 14-year-old hyperactive munchkin?
They've found things on the Internet that you'd get arrested for, and no matter how hard you try to gross them out, they'll probably just laugh. The only things that can creep them out instead of excite them to even more intolerable levels of shrillness is any fetish that fundamentally threatens their nascent delusions of masculinity.

>>49058635
I literally do not know a single person who hates England. Most Americans fawn over England as America but objectively better.

Now Russia and Iran are fairly hated by the US, and the latter makes an even better setting to piss off Tumblrinas.

>>49059342
So it's a coin flip between turning them into a trap or gender bending... heads or tails?

>>49059342
So >>49059333

>>49056674
I go mesmerist and mind control rape everyone. Gamebreaking, magical realm, and hard-ish to stop.

>>49059399
>>49059400
That's probably the perfect weapon. It makes them irrationally mad because their stats might very well still be the same and they're thus sperging at a roleplaying problem. and it forces them to either roll with the punches or admit their insecurity at the table.

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>>49059331
I'm reading the first issue right now, because I only just found out about it. It's even worse than the pic. He gets his powers by being ritually tortured and having all sorts of tattoos and shit placed on his body. Training also involves drug addiction and demonic possession. It's as edge as it gets.

>>49059437
Okay so we've taken down the munchkin and the tumblrite, how do we defeat the fedora lord edgemaster?

>>49058725
>belts and chains everywhere
>even the subweapon has belts

10/10 Nomura design.

>>49059499
Actually not that edgy. Just seems like it. Comic is really really metal. Becomes apparent when the war starts

>>49059550
I think I'm gonna read it all the way through. It looks totally insane, but not in a cringey way. I'm interested enough to see where this goes.

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>>49058076
>Stronk but feminine ladyknights
Yeah I'd play your game

>>49056674
>agree with GM that there is an upcoming secion where the party members have to enter a sex harem for an obese orc.
>they have to dress the part, no trying to use swords and spells to bruteforce your way through
>not to mention you're doing this to curry favor with the Orc lord
>essentially the entire party has to court the fattest, ugliest motherfucker that looks like he came straight out of a loli hentai mag
>force entire party to do this
>massive orgy
>your character is playing a retarded wizard
>decides to cast flesh to stone
>everyone is trapped mid fuck amidst a giant fleshpile of orgy.
>die falls
>everyone rock

>>49059601
I'd go so far as to say it's intentionally outrageous, to the point of stupidity or self parody.

The Vampires live in a world that is so Metal and Brutal that it lost it's collective shit a long time ago.

Like, the awful little fat vampire is ridiculously evil, and famously makes a comment about how he'd like a baby boy of his very own - to punt like a football.

It kind of strikes me as a possible influence for Metalocalype or at least the general idea of the kind of joke that show was trying to make. What seems normal to these people, is comically over the top to the logical extreme possible. (Sometimes to extremes that you wouldn't even consider, which is why it's funny.)

>>49059717
That's the impression I'm getting. It's interesting, I'm enjoying it so far. It might be fun to play as a setting for an all-edgelord campaign with my group.

>>49059006
But that behaviour goes against the concept of hypermasculinity which Gaston is supposed to represent, albeit comically exaggerated. He isn't supposed to woo her because he's the desirable one.
The joke is that socioeconomically low and shallow women go for Gaston's type and he/they can't understand Belle's higher position and why she isn't all over his dick.

>>49058725

>the edgiest character in all of existence

Yet it works within the context of the setting. None of that shit seems out of place in Resurrection.

>>49058932
seth effriken

>>49056674
Ok, who remembers the story of the guy who made a gnome whos goal was to be a lich, acted like Elton John and threw glitter and confetty around with his pyrotechnic spells, and murdered all his party mates one by one.

Something about being the anti that guy.

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>>49059967

>Magical realm

Well it would be too awkward for me playing a bondage-loving vore lamia at the table, so I'll settle with Kender or Lawful No-Fun Paladin

>>49060488
You're dealing with some of the worst spergs on the planet.
Being embarrassed is admitting that you care about their opinions and are giving them the right to decide what you are allowed to play. No matter what you do, you're better than them simply because you're self-aware, which is a trait none of them have.

>>49060044
Yeah, this guy. Loved it.

>>49059006
>found the beta

>>49060488
could be worse, you could have a magical realm so vanilla it wouldn't even phase the other players.

>>49056674

I'd offer to run a separate game for the tumblr folks and bow out of the main group.

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>>49058076
Here's my sorcerer, where do I sign up?

>>49058076
>Did I mention all of this takes place in France,
I was going to say that bullshit, then i remember that France is perfect for trigger any political body.

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End up playing a full-on furry fox milf Cleric with big tits and glasses that gets her spells from worshiping (and fucking) human cock.

I'd prefer to be the human in this situation with my character concept being the NPC, but hey.

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>>49059413
My nigga.

Well, it depends on the system.

DnD: If I'm going to stir shit, might as well pick something like just a random dude with 3 magical items and maxed sleight of hand (or relevant skill) and using that skill, I wait for the party to be close together then slip one bag of holding into another to create a rift to wherever the DM plans to send them, and my character will have a ring of dimensional anchor. Reality spy comes in to unfuck the problem. Repeatedly send away party members who cause issues at the table. Obviously only tell the GM when I use it so the party doesn't realise what happens and only thinks I escaped because of my ring. Once they start building characters with those rings, steal them to sell. If they're going to munchkin, I'm going to set up a business.

For fetish, it's obviously gotta be the loli vampire with femdom to rustle the fedora, with an item of reverse gender to turn into a boy to torture girls to trigger the tumblrina, and play her as a cheery magical girl all the rest of the time to annoy the edgelord.

Exalted: Probably play a character with max Craft Genesis to create my own waifus and just overpower the rest of the table with an army of OP dickgirl angel demon dragons or some shit, with the song Power by Kanye playing in the background. I'll strongarm us back onto the plot, I don't care.

MAID: I don't know what the DM expected. Play a Power Ranger, drag the other players into it too because Power Rangers gotta have the buddies and everyone loves Power Rangers.

Monsterhearts: Same first sentence as MAID, but curse witch. Build curses that seduce because seduction is the most broken ability in the game. Play Tharja from FE:A, because I can.

Basically, I either become the plot train or riggidy-rek the players' characters.

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>>49056674
make the most racist,homophobic and all around shitty character possible.literally trigger incarnate.constantly complain about how the female pc's belong in the kitchen or how elves are all faggots.maybe frame someone for murder depending on my charisma.

also minmax the fuck out of him until i think i can take a least 2 of the other party members.then i either wait until one of them gets fed up and tries to attack me.depending on if i stocked up on drow poison i knock them unconscious and rape them.

knowing tumblrites chances are someone would assault me at the table but it would be worth.

>>49061484
I think your fetish build would be great to be a third party to. I wouldn't want to be in the trainwreck, but I'd love to hear about all that rustling.
Of course, maid is maid. Power rangers is the norm.

>>49059504
Whenever edgelord does something somehow get the prince to respond with him thinking it makes her more attractive.
>I crush the skulls of kittens and suck out the brains
>Such a beautiful flower yet she still has thorns

If by fedora you mean edgy Atheist just make him get more and more butthurt about religion.
>A god(dess) decided to swap your gender
>Asa a punishment for defaming them and other gods
>And a reward to the prince for being so pious and loyal
>Paladins are also hunting down your character to bring her in to the prince
Depending on how anti-religion they are a religion that is supposedly good forcibly swapping the sexes of nonbelivers and allowing men to take them as wives against their will with support from the members of the religion and their god might piss them off to the point where they just leave in anger.

>>49056674
full noble bright cherecter, and i mean FULL ON, Yugo levels of hopefull and Drziit level of determination. Than gimp the fuck out of my cherecter, make shure he is well over the party powerlevel. Now all that is left to do is to do good and derail all the retarded edgy shit the party will throw at me. Want to kill the dragon protecting it's eggs? Nu-uh we are going on a quest to make the fucking town and the fucking dragon work togheter for the beterement of all. Want to assasinate the kings doughter because you have a fetish? Guess whos going to be the new loveble new party member that will get 24/7 protection from my cherecter. Want to insert your magical realm, time to crash the party in the stupidest way possible and kill your horny mood. That litch terrorizing the relm? You bet your ass im going to convince him to set up a school for orphans

>>49060878
>sample

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>>49056674

>>49059381
True, but France anytime before the mid to late 20th century is good enough to piss off any tumblrina, especially the medieval period with all those Frankish knights romping around the Holy Lands and shit.

>>49059381
England can't be better than America if we're talking modern amenities, and there's a greater number of people in Washington than the entire island.

>>49066573
Of course that shit would be from tumblr.

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>>49056674
A fanatical lawful good Marxist-Leninist cleric based on old Soviet propaganda posters.
Marxist-Leninist cleric is granted spells by the will of the proletariat through physical work at early hour.
Marxist-Leninist cleric is religiously obligated to resist the illegitimate authority of every noble the party comes across, as well as the clerics of all the other religions which are, after all, opium for the masses.
Marxist-Leninist cleric is religiously obligated to protect the rest of the party from the temptations of wealth. Your abs are harder than the products of corrupt for-profit merchants, comrade.
Marxist-Leninist cleric is not allowed to let any infraction go, being Lawful.
Marxist-Leninist cleric is not allowed to skip any chance to prech the glory of Marxist-Leninism, being Good.

>>49056674
I play a warrior priestess from the far east, proud of her femininity and has a very strong sexual appetite. I'd play her as a realistic samurai, always mounted and preferring a bow and a spear over her sword, lightly armored with no shoes, the only covering on her feet being stirrup style stockings. She'd also have a secret the party mustn't know, the secret being that she used to be a man.

I think that should trigger everyone onboard and fulfill my magical realm as well.

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>>49056674
pretty simple really, i just play a flind gnoll the way the fluff describes them.

out edge the edgelord, kill steal, take over his rampages and outdo him at every turn. he kills a hobo, i burn down a town. he rapes an elf, i acquire 20+ elf slaves and drag them along to rape or eat whenever i get bored. he tries to kill me, i beat him down and rape him before slapping a collar on him to.
the muchkin i belittle as weak or stupid at every turn, showing him how much more min maxed i am and taking all the good loot for myself cause im the biggest and the strongest. play on his youthful insecurity and insult the player, dismissing his feeble attempts to get even in game as beneath my notice as long as i can before he actually stands a chance of ganking me, then he gets the same as the edgelord.
if all this hasnt sent the feminazi into a conniption fit by now i'll just treat her special snowflake like the other whores i have chained up, smacking her around but denying her a real fight until she's crushed and collared like the rest. soon the game is just get drug around on a chain by the murder dog and used as cannon fodder/fleshlights/emergency rations. if that doesnt send this ship down in flames just kill them and enslave their new characters again and again until it does.

honestly the hard part would be keeping a straight face throughout the whole affair. i dont usually enjoy being cruel but i do so love taking assholes down a peg or six.