http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart .cgi The inevitable nuclear

>>49000861
>It's a blow-up doll that can be assembled from common household parts and is guaranteed to save you a hundred pounds a month.

I'm fucked. I can't even kill myself with it.

>>49000928
>it's a blow-up doll that plays a mean game of go and knows what you want before you do
Blow-up doll apocalypse

>it's a whiteboard with a +2 against the undead and protects against bees
Anyone here need a beekeeper?

>It's a pudding that can be used as a metal detector and stays exactly where you leave it.

>>49000987
>it stays exactly where you leave it
Wow, this should really help treat that object permanence phobia I have.

>It's a necklace that produces 240v of electricity and picks up data from any nearby alcoholic drink.

Hell yeah, not sure how much 240v would actually be able to power, but at least it's something. Also it'll lead me to the booze!

>It's a newspaper! It disables itself if it's taken more than 100 feet away from its base!

Amazing, so I can only read it in my base?

>>49001121
Or a wheelchair pops out of nowhere and the newspaper flies onto the seat. You are unable to remove it from the chair until you make it back to the safe distance, after which the paper recovers.

File: this_kills_the_tank.jpg (116KB, 730x486px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 730x486px

>>49000861

>It's a glass bead that floats in water!

>>49000861
>It's a skateboard that can be used on the move, can help you lose weight and scans its user's fingerprints.

So... it's a skateboard, but it scans my fingerprints?

I guess I die. I have shit for balance.

>>49001248
>not just riding face down

>>49001248

Imagine Dredd's Lawgiver, but a skateboard.

>>49000861
It's a tricycle that lasts forever and is slightly hallucinogenic.

Well, at least I have a vague form of transport, although if I ride it for too long I start hallucinating

File: dean29.jpg (19KB, 323x323px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 323x323px

>>49001293
Does that mean it comes with incendiary wheels?

>>49001306

W-well...No, but it can help you lose weight?

"It's a waffle iron that tells you when people are lying, glows in the dark and can move faster than the speed of light."

Even in random generators I end up being the overpowered munchkin.

>>49000861
>It's like a normal burglar alarm, but it never needs repairing.

...fuck. At least it doesn't need to be repaired, I guess.

File: Golf_Fights_Article2.jpg (109KB, 600x443px) Image search: [Google]

109KB, 600x443px

>>49000861
>Design #2551303827
>It's a golf club that doesn't take no for an answer and can be used to scrape ice off of windscreens.

I got a really sturdy whacking stick

>>49001397
I think we've got a ready post-nuclear debt collector here.

>>49000861
>It's a toothbrush that keeps drinks hot, cleans itself and traps small animals.

Whelp, at least I won't go hungry.

>It's a robotic dog that encrypts all of its data!
Yes, but can it hunt?

>>49000861
>It's like a normal pair of underpants, but it communicates with wireless devices.
I'm going to be murdered for these.

>It's a shoe that works underwater! It crushes ice.
Fuck me.

>>49001591
>reroll
>It's a samurai sword that moves from side to side! It responds to temperature changes and can move faster than the speed of light.
>MFW

File: 1468075806912.gif (330KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

330KB, 400x400px

>>49001608
>FTL heated vibrokatana
Don the trench coat and become the hero the wasteland deserves

>It's a belt buckle that folds away when not in use, bounces and shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger

Well.
I'm fucked.

>It's a computer monitor that contains alcohol! It works at twice the normal speed and is different every time you use it.
so unlimited yet diferent alcohol everytime
not so bad
reroll
>It's a WAP device that moves from side to side and contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.
not bad

>>49001949
You and I >>49001488 can work together to rebuild society using the power of pantsu

>>49000861
>It's like a normal cardboard box, but it moulds vegetables.
Guys, I can't determine just how useless this is.

>>49002130

Just fuck up someone's food supply.

>>49002146
That can work I guess.

File: erghl.png (11KB, 785x193px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 785x193px

I... create a nuclear apocalypse.... seemingly.

>>49000861
>have /b/ on my other computer
Great I could rule the world with autism

>>49002184
Well, looks like we found the one responsible for this. Can the guy with the golf club that won't take no for an answer come down?

File: 030a680bf48c3148100e47e6cea1b47abc914c0b_hq.jpg (46KB, 1024x586px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 1024x586px

>>49002184

>>49000861
>http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi
>It's a pogo stick that has been blessed by a priest! It has adverts on the side and gets +2 to kill undead.

Sick, dude.

File: towel.png (9KB, 526x141px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 526x141px

>>49000861
it's perfect

>>49000861
>It's a security camera that pings when it's ready!
Alright, I guess I set it up outside of my bunker. Do I get to know what it's ready for when it pings?

>>49001364
Technically setting you on fire would help you lose weight

File: I've got electricity bitches.png (162KB, 736x228px) Image search: [Google]

162KB, 736x228px

It looks like I've got myself a well-designed power plug.

File: image.jpg (67KB, 666x483px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 666x483px

Detecting evil is useful, so is sanitizing work stations.

File: condom.png (7KB, 526x119px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 526x119px

this sounds like a funny prank

>It's an eraser that operates on a quantum level!

Time to erase evildoers.

>>49000861
>Design #773773550

>It's a cigarette lighter that's perfectly safe to use, will drive you insane and mows your lawn

W-wait, what was that second thing?

>>49000861
>It's a fax machine that can move faster than the speed of light and cannot be moved.

So.... it's an immovable fax machine? CLANG and all? Or is it hardlocked in place relative to earth? Either way it's useless.

>>49000861
>It's like a normal parachute, but it craves attention.

>"U-use me senpai!"
>randomly deploys
>sprays you with strange liquid when deployed

I'm going to make it as long as I'm in the air during the apocalypse.

>>49002482

>cannot be moved
>moves faster than light

hmm

>>49002482
Nonono, it can move faster than the speed of light and can not be moved.

Meaning it can't be pushed away, whilst being able to act as a relativistic missile.

>>49002467
Don't worry about it, it's perfectly safe! RUN

>It's a walking stick that cannot be moved! It runs on compressed air.
I think by definition that voids it from being a walking stick.

>>49002482
>unstoppable AND immovable object
If physics doesn't just shit the bed and end the universe, at least something interesting will happen.

>It's a rocket launcher that jams mobile phone frequencies! It comes with its own storage kennel.


This sounds OP as fuck

>>49002603
>What's that, I can't hear you, reception's getting bad!
Ruh-roh

>>49002649

I re-rolled that shit because i thought it was OP, but i actually got pure cheese.

>It's a first-aid kit that's fully recycleable and looks better than it sounds.

This is some star trek shit on the fucking apocalipse.

>It's a hammer! It entertains children.
okay

I think this is actually useful.

It's a coffee cup that works at any altitude, folds out into a tent and kills fleas.

Wow, Jackpot: It's a small plastic pyramid that dispenses tea or coffee, tells you when people are lying and kills cockroaches.

I mean, that's one major need down (coffee and tea still rehydrate you), along with feeding my caffiene addiction, it prevents me from being tricked into joining cannibals for dinner without some forewarning, and I don't have to worry about cockroaches getting into my food... assuming I can find any.

You know what, this nuclear apocalypse is looking pretty good, really.

File: woops.jpg (14KB, 497x93px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 497x93px

>>49002184
...I think you might not have been alone in that

>>49000861
>It's a jetpack that clamps to your wrist! It tells the time and is audible only to dogs.

If my arm doesn't come off, I'll do really well. Not as well as >>49002258, but still very well.

>It's a postage stamp! It is ideal for the kitchen!
Uh,no it isn't?

>>49000861
>Design #1122032479
>It's a wireless network device! It makes money fast!
I open scrap&weaponry shop after I make money with this, I guess?

>It's a coffee cup that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect!

I'm not honestly sure what this entails, but I am sure it's not going to help.

>It's a TV remote that repairs itself! It is unbreakable.
Well fucking wonderful.

>>49003351
Instead of coffee it's decaf.

File: 1466531540785.jpg (130KB, 618x564px) Image search: [Google]

130KB, 618x564px

It's a bar of soap. It dissolves dirt.

>It's a piece of string! It responds to ambient light changes!

Fucking fantastic.

File: Check em.jpg (22KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 480x360px

>Design #2355278545
>It's like a normal deck of cards, but it clamps to your wrist.

File: 1471020518460.jpg (54KB, 768x768px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 768x768px

>It's an alcoholic drink that may cause drowsiness! It is transparent.

File: BIG.jpg (41KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 400x400px

>>49000861
>It's a pair of sunglasses that moulds vegetables!
>mfw

File: 1469910075872.jpg (13KB, 339x302px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 339x302px

It's a pair of roller-skates that craves attention!

im fucked arent i? or will a pair of sentient rolleskates keep me safe?

>>49000861

>It's a stereo system that displays pornography!

Once I find a method of powering it I will use the power of audio porn to bring peace and establish a sexy new world.

>>49000861
>It's a sofa that's bigger on the inside than the outside and works underwater.

So, I'm a NEET Timelord now? Sounds legit.

File: image.jpg (214KB, 960x960px) Image search: [Google]

214KB, 960x960px

>Design #4287065555
>It's an electric drill that craves attention, self-replicates and plays the American national anthem.

It's a bubble-car that can be taken apart and reassembled in thirty seconds! It contains a tinier version of itself and runs on six little wheels.

"We heard you like cars so we put a car in your car so you can drive while you drive!"

And it only takes 30 seconds to put together, I'm set.

>It's like a normal blender, but it counts your loose change.
Welp.

>It's a newly-discovered breed of fish that detects background radiation, speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and collects litter.
All I need now is a way to assemble the junk and I'm safe.

File: 1458828630495.png (60KB, 592x492px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 592x492px

>It's an office whiteboard that swears!
why is this so funny

>It's an armchair that increases your sex appeal, makes money fast and shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger.

>I'm rich, surrounded by women wanting me to bone them, and an early warning system all in one.

I think I'll be ok.

>>49000861
>It's a fizzy drink that looks really, really good, keeps drinks cold and kills all known germs dead.

>It's a handheld genetically-modified sheep that hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet!
If I can get it to rampage on command I'm set.

>>49000861

Design #3250253029

>It's a letter-opener that shoots laser beams! It can move faster than the speed of light and shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger.

I'm set.

>>49002467

ALL lighters are capable of shortening a lawn.

It's a tricycle that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect, folds away when not in use and is not suitable for children.

>>49000861
>Security Camera
>Also an automated gourmet coffee/tea maker.
Huh.

It's a walking stick that comes in seven different colours, talks and responds to temperature changes.
It's gonna be my best buddy and i'll never feel alone. I feel like i've found the best item i could ever find

>>49000861
>It's a hearing aid that cures all known illnesses! It can be used by several people at once.

Huh. Pretty well, actually.

>>49003924
FUCKING DRAW SOME FUCKING SHIT ON ME YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! I FUCKING DARE YOU!

>It's a newspaper that fits in your pocket and can pick locks.

Well shit, that is actually really useful. I'd want that before the apocalypse.

>>49002482
It's not the fax machine that moves, it's the time-space continuum that moves!

>It's like a normal newspaper, but it detects background radiation.

Who said print was dead?

>Fuck'o'matic 9000 is a button-badge that blocks spam email, folds out into a tent and emits a powerful searchlight beam
Well that's not as bad as i fought

>It's a candle that sorts your mail! It dispenses tea or coffee and has a million household uses.

Assuming that's literal this must be useful, right? Right?

>>49000861
>It's a fork that fetches help in the event of an emergency!
Oh god, I'd love the shit out of this. His name would be Forkoolio, and he would be an overly helpful aspiring haberdasher. No matter how tough the situation, he would break the tension by talking about the various hats he would make at his dream job, and various hat-related puns. Unfortunately, he's a fork, and doesn't move particularly fast, so in order to get help in a reliable fashion, you need to throw him in the general direction of help. If help is slightly out of reach, or gets stuck in something, no help would be coming.

>It's a freezer that follows a target of your choice! It communicates with other copies of itself and is made of glass.

Garbage.

>Design #2139988676
>It's an umbrella that freezes anything it touches and cures all known illnesses.

Holy fuck, I am the new king of the apocalypse.

>>49004911
>Design #2859241530

>It's a cufflink that holds up to twenty cigarettes! It freezes anything it touches and is covered with realistic fur.
That sounds... interesting? I can't even visualize what it looks like.

>It's like a normal toaster, but it makes clicking noises.

Fuck. I'm fucked.

File: Capture.png (357KB, 1017x372px) Image search: [Google]

357KB, 1017x372px

Well, okay then.

>>49005092

>Mjolnir

>>49001608
>>49002257
>>49004911
>>49004965

>FTL Samurai and Pogo Priest vs the Freeze Brother Warlords and the Undead Army of the Apocalypse

>Design #2675975066
>It's like a normal ornately-engraved sphere, but it can cook small meals.
LITERALLY A GEORGE FOREMAN WITH STICKERS ON IT

>it's like a normal ironing board but it's used by the U.S. military

It's gotta be good if the military uses it, r-right?

>>49000861
>It's a gas-mask that can only be operated by a trained professional and disposes of kitchen waste.
A NUUU CHEEKI BREEKI

>It's like a normal kettle, but it smells a bit funny.

A way to disinfect water, nice.

>>49000861
>It's like a normal pen, but it sends and receives text messages.
That's actually really handy. I'm going to die, but at least I could talk to somebody else.

>>49005136
Can we get some art of this?

>It's like a normal handgun, but it induces lucid dreaming

sshhh, only dreams now...

File: nic cage bees.gif (716KB, 350x230px) Image search: [Google]

716KB, 350x230px

>>49000977

>>49006640
Instead of killing them, they have freakish lucid dreams? Or does it make you dream when you shoot people?

>>49006857
i assumed that it induced lucid dreams in the victims
if it worked after death it would be a pretty good way to go, unless youre locking their consciousness out of some other afterlife

>>49000861
>It's a mousemat that's made of solid gold!
I guess I can con people into thinking that gold is the best post-apocalypse currency, and shave off bits of it to trade for supplies

but also:
>mousemat
>not mousepad

>>49000861
>It's an earring that hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet!

Fantastic.

>It's an energy drink that disinfects work surfaces!

What do?

>it's a hoe. A hoe that can slap the absolute shit out of someone, till fields EXTREAMLY well, very low maintenance, always good looking, and and after use the seeds planted with it are definitely going to yield a "bountiful harvest"

Now good luck figuring out if I'm talking about a hoe the kind pimps live off of or how the farming tool.

>>49000861
>It's a webcam that has a million household uses, displays pornography and folds out into a tent.

Ah, to be young again.

>It's a knife that's unbreakable! It loves you as a person and is smaller than a matchbox.

I'll stab you all with my tiny adamantium knife.

It's a pair of trousers that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and jumps like a frog.


At least I have Darth Vader pants to keep me company

>It's like a normal ornately-engraved sphere, but it's built and maintained by tiny nano-robots.

I've got some weird alien technology here. Maybe this is a good thing?

>Design #4032697858
>It's a crematorium that can be used by the whole family!

;_;

It's like a normal rocket launcher, but it produces 240v of electricity.

FEAR MY ELECTRIC ROCKET LAUNCHER

>It's a pair of underpants that costs less than a penny a day to run! It follows you around and pushes things down staircases.

This might be useful. But surely if it's following me around, the only thing that it could possibly push down the stairs is... ME!

>>49007101
Both

>>49007522
Sure. It now turns into a woman or tool at will.

>It's a pair of sunglasses that keeps drinks hot, keeps children amused and shoots laser beams.

I think I'm okay.