Mages Guild: Better representation edition

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>>48852482
Wait, they're not going to show up right now are they?
Like, we're at the bottom of an ocean for Criticus' sake!

>>48852530
Yeah, I've been meaning to ask who let the Hydromancy department decide that was a good idea.

>>48852560
I don't know about you, but I love it.
Say, what kind of magic do you think the students will want to learn? The representative students I mean.

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>>48852482
So we're letting amateurs in here now?
>>48852530
If they don't have enough magic to make it down here then I doubt they will be worth our time anyway.
>>48852560
Whoever decided it was a good idea should get a raise, the number of troublesome idiots bothering us has gone down considerably since we moved the guild down here.

>>48852629
I hope they'll want to learn necromacy. Unfortunately, adventurers don't much like necromancers, so...

Eh.

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Archwizard Antruthius, on behalf of the department of necromancy please ensure that the incoming students are aware of the current ban on creation "swarm" classes of undead and that the basement is out of bounds for all non necromancy or fire evocation personal. we are still working on clearing out sections A through G of the basement of the zombie mosquito experiment. which contrary to popular belief I had almost nothing to do with

>>48852482
Thats sweet. But I do need to ask when Im going to get those eldrich tomes the eldrich research students stole back.
Having the new students obtain them would allmost certainly be for the worst.

>>48852629
If they're adventuring mages, they will want to gravitate towards the ones that cause pretty explosions. as usual.

>>48852663
a shame really its a dying art.

>>48852672
Damn apprentices, have we found out who's responsible for this incident yet?
>>48852676
More pyromancers, because that's just what the world needs isn't it?

>>48852661
Well, if you haven't noticed, it's making the whole guild about as cold and damp as hydromancy usually is.

>>48852692
I say it's more an undying art, personally.

>>48852661
I guess so.
Do they even know we're here? For all we know this could have been a deal for months and Antruthius just decided to make the meeting out of a random fit of cocaine fueled decisions.
>>48852663
I hope they become Oozemancers...
>>48852676
Some of the oozes can explode.
Some.
>>48852692
That has got to be a bad pun because the Necromancy Department is one of the biggest Departments in the Guild!

>HITTING HANDS ON WINDOW WEAKLY WHILE DROWNING

>>48852749
You would.

>>48852782
>SUDDENLY
>MAGIC
>THEY ARE INSIDE
>THEY HAVE STOPPED DROWNING
>BUT NOT BEING WET

>>48852482
Stevecus here, I was told by my school I was a joke and you were all the only hope I had of becoming a decent wizard. Caw!

Excuse me, where is "Bargaining with beings beyond my comprehension for unfathomable power" being held today?

>>48852802
Hm... I feel my department needs more teachers.
>>48852832
Demonolgy Department, just like every Wednesday.
>>48852830
Well, what kind of magic do you want to do?

>>48852832
Can you tell the demonolgy team to give me the tomes they stole back, that would be grand,

>>48852728
I have in fact noticed. It's quite pleasant, and it helps prevent accidental fires. As long as we can keep the corpse storage dry there shouldn't be any problems with our current situation.
>>48852749
I have no idea, but if they do know then there are always teleportation magic. If they are incapable of setting up a portal, or something like it, then they aren't worth our time.
>>48852782
Hmm... crude, but impressive. How far down are we now again?
>>48852830
Well, welcome to the REAL Mages Guild. By reaching the meeting hall despite our relocation you have passed the first test, good job. Here, have a map and an entry form.

>>48852725
yes and no, we know who did it thanks to the interrogation of what's left of first victims/experimenters but the corpses refuse to divulge the secrets of their accomplices for fear of academic discipline on behalf of their comrades.

>>48852749
yeah but we still only have a third of the budget of the divination wing, paying gravediggers for corpses isn't exactly cheap you know.

>>48852851
Transformations. Caw!

>>48852802
>VIOLENTLY PUKES OUT WATER

>>48852832
Down the hall and to the left.

>>48852851
Well hire some then.

>>48852896
True.

>>48852910
Well, at least you're alive.

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Oh sure, I come to talk professional to professionals and get ignored, but they give you a fancy staff and hat and you fully merge their student base. More corrupt than the government I swear.

Wait a second..where the hell is Mr. Pierre?

>>48852910
Wonderful! A projectile vomit-mancer. Again.

>>48852901
Well the next time you interrogate them you can inform then that if they do not give you names soon then I will run out of patience and take care of it myself. And I'm not known for my mercy when I'm out of patience.

Good initiative on your part though, what was your name now again? Jane?
>>48852910
Welcome to the Mages Guild, and congratulations on making it here.
>>48852957
In this particular case, I couldn't agree more.

>>48852957
Don't look at me, we bribe him with cocaine.

>>48852851
I hear the Drow academy of enith-moz are looking to begin an oozmaster exchange program. according to my vampire peer at the academy.

>>48852986
It shouldn't be based on bribes at all!
>>48852985
Its mostly the principle, None of the students in my school are worth submitting to the mages guild anyway.

>>48852896
True. The mages guild doesn't really have any defense against portals being created in it, does it?
>>48852901
You and I both know that is bull shit. The Divination Department gets their money from investments and stocks.
>>48852902
Ah, of course.
Well, I have other people transform me. And I don't know the direction of the department right off hand.
>>48852920
Like my graduated students?
>>48853009
Drow? I didn't realize they had ooze magicians.
I should see if they can trade notes with me.

>>48852896
>Puts one of his feet in an inkweel and signs it by planting them on the dotted line, leaving a signature of a birds foot and passes it back.

Where do I go now? Caw!

>>48853057
Well compared to the insitution of a 1000 years ago. Its one hell on an improvement!

And what do you mene none of your students are worthy? We take all sorts of misfits.

>>48852985
Janet sir, iv been with the department for quite some time, although to be fair I spend most of my time in/under the field rather then teaching per say.

you know what they say a rolling bone gathers no bloodmoss.

>>48853058
indeed, according to what he sais thieve been working on some sort of eternal burning fire elemental ooze hybrid. fascinating stuff , if you care for that sort of thing.

>>48853076
Its more a matter of deserving it, They would do nothing but insult the already barely known name of our institution.

>>48853057
Look, you want him to do stuff, you bribe him. That's how it works.

>>48853058
Well, yeah. That's usually a good place to look.

>>48852972
Last I heard he was still working on some project of his.
>>48853057
I'm glad you have the insight to see that.
>>48853058
It has defences against mass portals, as well as portals in certain parts of it. But as long as its a single stable portal aimed at the Hall of Portals or the Main Hall, which we are currently in, then no, no defences.

Well, unless they are portals from other planes at least, there are wards against those, on Adam's inssitance if I'm not mistaken.
>>48853067
You either sit down and complain with the rest of us. Introduce yourself and try to convince us how great you are, or you ask around until you figure out what department you should be part of.
>>48853122
Yes, I'm well aware of the expression. Made any progress out there? Or are you more of a problem solver?

>A man in ink-flecked robes, directing a quill with one hand and a scroll of parchment with the other walks in.
"Who was responsible for building accommodation for the new intake? I was going to talk to Rogok and Rogob, but they didn't return my memo."

>>48853122
I already made that.
>Creates a fire ooze
>Creates a lava ooze
>Creates a bunch more oozes of various types of magical fire
>>48853151
Hm, I guess I can offer them jobs. Especially Dylan.
>>48853204
Ah, that's good to hear.
>>48853218
Um, was it already decided?

>>48853218
There is allways room in the archive, they can set up on the 196th floor if they want.
We recently moved the Arakzaz Anomaly out of there anyway.

>>48853204
Noted.

Let me tell you all about the problem with that other mages guild! It was all rules this and rules that! Stop polymorphing other students. Don't true polymorph yourself, Stevecus I know you were the gibbon who shat on the archmage's hat.

You make one little mistake, get stuck as a bird and they tell you to hit the road. Caw!

>>48853151
Why?
>>48853204
I miss the days when magical talent was the requirement for magical teaching, not rich parents.
>Slight anger

>>48853287
Because he really likes being bribed with cocaine.

>>48853256
See? There, you've got a at least one you can hire.

>>48853287
Eh. These days it seems to be neither, makes it more interesting.

>>48853256
"Well, thats why I'm here. To make sure that we don't have the new intake sleeping in the corridors"
>>48853264
"and where did it move to? Really, it so hard to keep proper track of all these experiments."

>Guisome pulls out a scroll case and pulls out a scroll about 1 metre thich. It unrolls about 10 metres of itself, and the quill crosses something off. The scroll Guisome was holding floats inside the scroll case.

>>48853327
Exactly, Its getting WORSE! anyone with a bag of gold gets to send their brat off to study magic!
>>48853321
Not what I meant...

>>48853287
>Raises his hands
My parents weren't rich! In fact I used to be a Kuo-Toa.
>>48853321
Fair enough. How's your department been this week?
>>48853333
>QUINTS WITNESSED
So, do we need to do renovation?
Because if so maybe try the Geomancy Department?

>>48853218
The goblin duo?

Well they don't seem to be here at the moment.
>>48853256
Portals usually aren't that big of a problem. Few have the resources, or are mad enough, to attack the Mages Guild. Other than the Drow invasion two years ago we haven't had much to worry about.
>>48853275
Don't worry about that here. We're pretty loose on rules, I'm not quite sure how harsh the rules we do have on polymorphing is. But what I've seen in the last few years seem to indicate you shouldn't have a problem.
>>48853287
In my department it still is. If you can't teach, then you study, if you can't study then you're studied.

>>48853333
Whereabouts do we stay while here? Caw!

Some of you guys are alright. Don't come to Cyrodiil in 3E 433.

>>48853373
We've been alright.

>>48853333
Im going to take that as an insult. We here at the archives take documentation quite seriously.
It was moved to the 503rd Floor.
>>48853368
Your eliteism is actually quite funny. Tell us your tale! How did you get your doctorate?

>>48853204
A fair bit of both id wager, I was actually on to something interesting in terms of calcivor research a few months back when my work was rudely interrupted by the local branch of the paladins of righteous order, despite having all my permits in order.

Honestly for an order that seems to represent the law you think they would heed the laws of the local government.
>shrugs

>>48853384
There are dorms.
>>48853387
Is that where, and when, you've been all this time? Take a seat, I'm interested to hear what you've been up to.

>>48853373
Yes, Occasionally magical talent makes it through, and its great until someone /tells/ them they have magical talent and it goes to their head and they become even more insufferable than the nobles.
>>48853376
A great way to handle it.
>>48853400
Sixty thousand page thesis detailing how to solve world hunger using simple spells any farmer can memorize and apply.

>>48853416
I often find myself thinking the same, it's a good thing at least some paladins respect the law. Makes them better than the druids who bother you about "upsetting the natural order" and other such nonsense regardless if you have permits or not. I hope you haven't had any problems with them, have you?

>>48853416
Which paladin order was this?

We'll have to have a chat with them about respecting guild business.

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Time to grind some fresh meat

>>48853384
the morgue is also available during those odd times when we have an overflow of living non extraplaner visitors.

>>48853429
Managing my order, raising corpses, sabotaging the mages guild... nothing special really.

>>48853474
I'm glad someone approves. Apparently the diplomancers think it's poor form.
>>48853501
>raises an eyebrow
I thought you were disbanded, and with extreme prejudice.

>>48853474
Could I get a copy of that. sounds like a decent read.
I've got plenty of time to read it now days with all the retainers I've managed to aquire to run the archives.

>>48852482
>Aaliyah wonders in, copper cup of kave in paw.
What did this one miss, shi was awoken late.

>>48853501
Holy shit you're alive again.

Did you bring the rest of your department with you?

>>48853517
What was that last one?

>>48853501
>They jump out from behind him, wearing sunglasses and crossing their arms
Fuck yeah, we're back with the boss of all badasses!

>>48853373
"Not really renovation, more allocation of space. We will have new students as well as the intake from the Adventeurs, and I want to make sure they don't feel like a 14th wheel, or under anyones feet."

>>48853400
"Well apparently being dean of students wasn't enough to find that out. Thank you."
>The quill makes a note on the scroll, before it rolls back up and moves to float behind Guisomes left shoulder.
>>48853384
>The scroll unravels again to about 50m this time.
"I believe the dorms were fitted with shielded windows and perches for your exact situation."

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>>48853520
That motion was never passed, amigo.
Only suggested with extreme prejudice

>>48853517
That Tamriel Mages Guild I hope? They sounds like a dreadful bunch, banning Necromancy? Such a waste of talent. I hope you manage to destroy them eventually.
>>48853542
Don't make us wake up Arthurius again.

>>48853376
Yeah. Just the occasional paladin order and they aren't a big deal.
>>48853393
That's good to hear.
>>48853474
Ah, yeah, I know about that.
And really? Sixty thousand pages? That's incredible.
>>48853501
Hey, you finally recovered.
Lurco was distraught when he was told you were dead.
>>48853530
Not much, chainsawmancers are making a come back.
>>48853542
Hey, can you guys not try to take over the guild again?
>>48853554
Well, which Adventurers?

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>>48853536
You can't kill justice.
Not when there's skeletons around
>mauls a random skeleton

>>48853527
I believe there is a copy in your library, One of my colleagues saw fit to publish it under his name, With a small note detailing that it was my thesis on the last page.
>>48853520
Times are changing sadly.
>>48853595
Well I had to tackle several problems, Such as difficulty translating without altering the spell, different climates needing different spells, so on and so forth.

>>48853574
No, I'm fairly certain the Archwizard dealt with you.
>>48853595
And even less so now that we're at the bottom of the ocean.
>>48853607
Oh for crying out loud, please stop destroying the minions.
>>48853623
That they are, that they are...

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Sorry I'm late for the meeting. Anyone able to clue me in, and does anyone have some way that I won't have to listen to the chainsawmancers?

>>48853623
Well now that is rude, I'll make sure our copy is ammended to your name at once.

>>48853577
>dubs
Hah, we may have lost a bit of guys..well..actually..two..three..a..dozen..two d- Ah, but we're the badass mothafuckas around here, and we run this town!
>>48853595
>One of them frowns
That depends, will the guild try to disband us again?

>>48853595
Yeah.

Bit of a mishap with a cake yesterday, but aside from that, we're fine.

>>48853607
Hey!

That was probably someone's!

>>48853595
The new mages, Oozemancer. The ones from the International Adventurer Mage Collaborative, which we are providing with world class teaching and the greatest campus in the worl... Sorry, went into open day mode there for a moment. Also, when do you want the plumbers to look at the drains of the junior apprentice lab? They need to know so they can hire out the potions of acid resistance, and they'd prefer not to have to kill whatever is blocking the drain while you or one of your staff members is teaching."

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>>48852482
Apologies for being late esteemed colleagues... or was it early? No matter, for now.

This is truly a marvelous development Archwizard. The Chronomancy Department could use more Aspirants in our continued work on Retrocasuality Manipulation.

Hopefully this time the Necromancy Department shan't have the lions share of the students. In all timelines I might add!

>>48853657
I appreciate it.
>>48853646
Did you know I'm not allowed to turn students into mice anymore as punishment? Just because some dukes son was eaten by a familiar, That's the ENTIRE POINT of the punishment!

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>>48853646
He dealt with me.
I got over it. Mostly, he took my arm, now I have this awesome chainsaw-bow
>>48853670
Come on now, spooky guy.
It's not like you can't just resurrect it again like the diabolical bastard you are

>>48853482
no, no real problems, well until the giant snake made entirely of the bones of condemned criminals got loose thanks said paladins turning off the containment field then fleeing into the woods next to the municipal graveyard, but I suppose that's the druids problem for now. until they ask us to fix it, for a modest fee of course got to pay for those intern burials some how, or what's left of them at least

>>48853492
as I said the paladins of righteous order unfortunately im not sure unto which god of order they cleave to so that may be difficult

>>48853607
pleases refrain from mauling the skeletons that was jimmy in class c's I wanted to present that one. the kids got a good headnot on his shoulders mind you but a good head none the less hes going to go far

>>48853623
Yeah, that's simply incredible.
How long did it take you?
>>48853646
True.
I love the location change.
>>48853668
Probably not.
>>48853670
Cake?
>>48853688
Right, those Adventurers. Hm, I guess I should great them as the representative of the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island.

>>48853721
We'll have someone pay them a visit then.

>>48853717
Well, I mean, that's a fair point...

>>48853744
It exploded.

It wasn't that tasty, either.

>>48853744
A good ten years of my life, It was worth it though.

Anyone from Pyromancy willing to work with us to investigate the fissure vents outside our new location? or are you still too busy with the whole basement issue?

I think one of those new under-water boats from the engineering lads would be good as well, much classier than just getting an air bubble (no disrespect to the Hydomancers though)

Question to my esteemed colleagues. When will we be getting live test subjects for recent experimentation? Using month old storage blood to teach classes is all well and good but my god it loses it's power if it's not fresh. Have you ever tried to teach basic fighting techniques with old blood? It's like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

>>48853721
You quiet your hush mouth, lady. I don't take sass from people past a '6' on "looks like a bad guy" scale
>>48853761
Your damn right it is.

>>48853656
You haven't missed terribly much, we discussed how the new applicant would make it to the guild now that it's at the bottom of the ocean. Then we revived a few new applicants who managed to make it. And now the chainsawmancers have showed up.
>>48853668
Try not to cause too much of a mess this time. The corpses you leave behind tend to be useless for necromancy with all the damage you do to them.
>>48853704
We'll see how it goes. I don't think I have to tell you that history has favoured the necromancers when it comes to raw numbers.
>>48853707
Nobility should mean nothing inside these halls. Eithe you have magical power, or you have no power at all.
>>48853717
I'll give you credit for sheer determination, I can respect that.
>>48853721
They broke the containment field? They need better education before they go necromancer hunting, or stay out of our way so we can do our jobs.
>>48853744
You and me both. Do you know how much it has done to keep fires down? It's incredible.

>>48853786
We don't house many criminals so Im afriad I can't help.

>>48853595
>>48853607
>>48853717
Chainsaw what?
>Shi pauses to look at the carnage.
Wait... This one saw it, somewhere.... A haunted pumpkin patch somewhere yes?

>>48853744
Then we wont fuck with you sons of bitches!
>they walk over behind their department head, still acting like try hard cool kids
>>48853789
Tell that wench, boss!
>>48853819
Psh, whatevs!

>>48853819
I'm here to stay.
Plus I left my DVD player in the department.

>>48853786
>The 1 m wide scroll vanishes back into the scroll case and a small one on black vellum comes out.
"Maybe you should talk to the Necromancers about this list of people potentially thinking of taking the Lichdom retirement package. We're looking to add in unnecessary body part donation to the list of requirements, but are having trouble justifying it."

>>48853761
Okay? Um, what were you guys doing with the cake?
>>48853776
That's really diligent of you.
So, you said you were from an outside group?
>>48853819
Yeah. Plus there's fresh food just swimming around us!
>>48853828
Yes we do. They're called co-workers!
>He laughs
>>48853837
Good.

>>48852482
Here's the coffee for everyone

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>>48853837
>thumbs up

>>48853704
to be fair we in the Necromancy Department due have a lucrative undead labor job market post graduation while along with tax breaks. The Chronomancy Department is a very theoretical field. no offense of course.

>>48853862
It was Obsidia's birthday.

I know Justin was there, he didn't tell you?

>>48853870
Thank you, Mort.

>>48853819
Don't...don't open portals underwater. The pressure alone does nothing good, and I don't want to have to deal with any of that.

That's probably not going to have any-

>>48853870
Oh thank you Mort.

>>48853839
What player? This is some new BetaMax technology yes? Much rained down from the heavens a few weeks ago.

Does this mean.. I finally get students?!
>gleam of hope

>>48853554
Caw! Perfect. Will there be seed bells?

>>48853898
The DVD player of "Shut your god damn mouth"

>>48853828
ah, a shame, the blood of the wicked carries some hostile properties, much better for combat magic and rituals.
>>48853858
would taking the blood of a lich's former body not have some troubling effects? or would it imbue said blood with additional power. I shall have to get right on that this question requires answers ASAP.
>>48853870
thank you Mortimer. How's your day so far?

>>48853780
Looks to be an uncharacteristic amount of pyromancers at this meeting. I think they might be sulking about the whole bottom of the ocean thing getting in the way of their magic.
>>48853786
The necromancy department might be able to provide you with some recently dead, as long as we can get them back once they are drained.
>>48853839
Of course you did...
>>48853862
Yes, for those willing to get it at least. Personally I haven't the time to acquire such things.
>>48853870
Thank you Mortimer. Has the guild's relocation to the bottom of the ocean caused you any problems so far?
>>48853895
Well of course the portals would be opened inside the guild, not outside it. It's not the first time we've had the guild submerged.
>>48853910
If you can grab one.

>>48853819
Chainsawmancers? Bah! I'm still questioning how the timeweave managed to lead to such a begrudging state of affairs that such a 'school' of the arts has appeared.

Oh, it is understandable, your department is large and it's experiments expensive. Perhaps though, an exchange agreement could be reached for our department funneling off exhausted human resources for your furitive testing. I am sure whether they be hot or cold, it suits at least the majority of your purposes for the calculable future.

>>48853870
"Ah thank you Mortimer"
>>48853916
The huge scroll floats out of the scroll case and unrolls again. The quill makes a small note underneath the section 50m in.
"Seed...Bells...etc...form...appropriate snacks...for professors only."

>>48853885
Ah, no, he didn't. Tell her congratulations for me then.
>>48853946
I caught one over the weekend. Had some chefs cook it. It was great.

>>48853946
That would be marvelous, I'll make arrangements for my Golems to pick them up at your leisure.

>>48853819
Less lucky in my college.
>Or wherever I said they were from
>>48853862
Yes. I came to visit in the archives and was quite ignored. Very rude.

>>48853870
Not really a coffee person mortimer but thanks anyway. Is there any chance of a cup of tea?

>>48853946
>pokes your name tag
How long ago is "recent"? You've been "recently re-resurrected" For about 6 months. What's your game, old man?

>>48853937
>A yellowing scroll flies out of the case and opens in-front of Giusome.
"Well we did have that incident where the lich complained he was getting drunk off the alcohol his liver was being stored in at the time, but we think that was a one time thing."

>>48853937
Its been ok. Besides, you know, relocating the entire guild underwater. Do you have any idea how much harder that has made my daily commute?
>>48853946
Yes, it has. It makes getting home that much harder

>>48853973
I will.

>>48853873
None taken in this timeline, though my counterpart is sure to be furious! Ah, yes, there is much that we have yet to test but the recent developments in High-Density Portal Accelerants has allowed us to begin large scale Asynchronous Probes. Hence this entire business with running low on Aspirants, the survival rate for transchronological insertion is woefully terrible you see.

So far the best we can do is retrieve the bodies.

>>48854013
Ohoho, I believe I know, it's been quite the nightmare getting to and from the surface, though the VERY friendly nymphs are certainly not the worst part of the journey.

So, which department do you all think I would be suited to best?

CAW!

>>48853982
Ah, sorry for that then.
Say, what are you doing with your degree?

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY NEW SHIPMENT OF ARCANE MUSHROOMS? I EXPECTED THAT YESTERDAY!

>>48854013
"I've been stepping into my scroll case and having it mailed here by triton."

>>48854097
Do you really think that will work for a giant like myself?

>A silver portals open
>Steps back while yelling into a portal
I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S (incoherent swearing) FOUNDER'S DAY! YOU GET THAT STATUE UNANIMATED OR I SWEAR BY THE NINE I'LL TURN YOU INTO A LICH MYSELF AND TOSS YOUR FURRY MOTHERHUMPING SNACKLEBARF INTO THE VOID!
>Turns back, sees the gathering of mages.
Sorry, sorry. Where are my manners? I am Richard Regalius the Seventh, head of the Hermaticism Department and recent Archlich.

>>48854096
Have you checked every mail room?

There's like, a dozen.

>>48854052
perhaps a collaboration between our departments pending the departmental heads approval.

sending intelligent undead could work or if that's two complex perhaps a zombie with a scrying stone attached to its head, although I don't think the divination department will be to pleased with the requisition request, especially if there's the possibility said stone could get lost in an alternate timeline

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>>48854141

>>48854096
"I countersigned a slip permitting one of your students to pick it up, it had you rsigniature on it. A Mr Gemy, I believe."
>>48854115
"Its a pretty big scroll case."
>Giusome opens the scroll case and shows it to Mortimer. Inside is a library. Despite the opening being less than 30x10cm, a scroll 1m in diameter floats out.

>>48854081
Transmutation?
>>48854141
Huh. What exactly is an Archlich again?

>>48854081
You could certainly help with our experiments, polymorphed blood has the most unusual properties, we're still attempting to find a unified theory as to how to change the composition of blood alone to suit various needs. Of course you would be in a great deal of pain often and it could cause death. Maybe apply to the druids instead?

>>48854141
By the Nine?
I could have sworn we were into triple figures by now.

>>48854141
hey Rich, we got new blood so the once in a while big fight for "disciples" is going on.

>>48854169
Do you want the dictionary definition?

>>48854179
so many aspiring gods and devils today. It's been ages since anyone has stepped into the Blood god's shoes though. I can't even remember the old chant, how did it go...

>>48854096
Yesterday... ah, yes, Yesterday may have been transplanted to the day after tomorrow. We must apologize for any inconvenience caused by the temporary transplanting of Yesterday.

>>48853952
This sounds like an exchange I can agree on. You get some of our live applicants, and those who don't make it gets sent back to us? What's your turn out rate? How many survive their first five years?
>>48853973
I'm sure it was.
>>48853982
Let me guess, you're funded by the local nobility? It's quite unfortunate how it tends to go that way.
>>48853992
Six months is nothing, remind me when it's been six years, at least. Besides, I feel it a much less distasteful title than the one I had before.
>>48854013
That's, unfortunate. I'll make sure someone gets you a permanent portal, I'm sure you've done enough work for the guild to deserve one.

>>48854199
I thought it was the same as the entry for Lich, just with an ever added after the "Never" in "Never betray a Lich".

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Just stopping by to remind you all that Super Science is and will remain the most glorious and efficient form of magic.

Ray guns and jetpacks, not wands and seals of Solomon, are the wave of the Future. Get with the times.

>>48854221
Not in here you fool. Don't make me lock you up.

At least have the decency to do this outside.
In the ocean.

>>48854236
Unless it was "Master of the Bone Zone" Then it was fucking lame.

>>48854236
I know I have
>>48854167
Ain't my style

>>48854221
>Crashes through the window on his assault bike
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
>Leaves by crashing through the window on the opposite wall

>>48854289
SOMEBODY PLUG THE LEAK

>>48854267
oh pish posh, I told you I can't remember. That reign ended long ago and we don't speak of it anymore. Now, if you'll excuse me I have plaguerats to drain.

>>48854250
Not quite.

It's kind of like a lich except less likely to get all murdery.

>>48854254
Says the man with a fin on his head.

>>48854289
>And somehow water doesn't come flooding into the guild
Hope he likes drowning.

>>48854199
Sure.
Also the meaning of the word as used by people today.

>>48854169
Now there's an idea, who do I talk to for that? Caw!

>>48854175
Thanks but no thanks, I don't like getting stabbed with things generally. Caw!

>>48854289
oh goodness. That's the fourth wall we've broken this month.

>>48854289
>Giusome sighs. He brings out a small pocketbook, and writes a note down, before folding the paper into a bird, and sending it off. He then stands on a chair, hitching his robes up to avoid the suddenly rushing water

>>48854289
>>48854302
Things like this wouldn't happen if you simpletons would consider teaching acolytes how to use my Quantum Restabalizers to patch interdimensional rifts.

But nooooo, some of the old Merlins in this Guild still refuse to admit that mixing Science with your Magic is the Reeses of the Art.

>>48854157
Certainly an interesting idea. Though yes I could see the issue that Divination would raise. Throwing away Scrying Stones willy-nilly generally get's their willys in a jilly.

What of those... what do they call them now. Ah, Wraiths. From what I remember back from days in the Academy, they have a certain level of intelligence. Transplanting acorporal beings would also be more efficient in terms of magicka requirements per experiment.

An idea certainly worthy of consideration.

>>48854331
Well, they're liches who prefer simple research over traditional necromancer pursuits like raising undead hordes.

Imagine me, but as a lich.

>>48854169
A lich, without the 'sacrificing a thousand virgins to detach your mangled soul and put it somewhere filthy' bit.

>>48854179
Shut it, you narglepoof whippersnapper! I don't aspersionate on your religion, don't you dare start on mine.

>>48854188
Disciples? I'm not interested in any scav-loving, cur-fighting, navel-gazing stripling who thinks they're god's gift because they can throw a (more incoherent swearing) fireball

>>48854350
Mixing science and magic has been happening for centuries. Trust me I remember.
The first arcane jet engine was a mistake.

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Hey so, I've been told to meet down here if I want to learn /real/ magic. So I tunneled down and am looking who to talk to about manipulating the Earth around us.

>>48854254
Until you can make jetpacks and ray guns that don't require such ridiculous amount of resources and maintenance to keep working I think I'll stick to what I'm best at.
>>48854270
Fortunately even when I was young and foolish I had the sense never to call myself "Master of the Bone Zone", if I did then the liches who're still around from those times would never have let me live it down.
>>48854289
You're lucky we already have spells in place to re-seal that.

>>48854236
Currently the survival of an Aspirant in the de facto timeline is 1.25 years if involved in field experimentation.

Out of every 10 Aspirants, 8 are currently allocated to field experimentation. As you can see, the turn-over rate is rather large, certainly not something we were prepared for seeing as how the majority of the Chronomancy Department has been alive for... I be-... I'm frankly unsure.

>>48854395
It would have worked! The Artificers only mistake was using geometric magic instead of simply using rubber adhesive to bind the damn thing together!

>>48854331
I can't remember. Orsipan I think?
>>48854392
Ah. So, a morally good lich?
>>48854414
Geomancy Department.

>>48854435
Well maybe if the Alchemy Department stopped hogging all our funding we'd actually get some work done around here.

>>48854414
Manipulating the Earth is bad kids. Exploiting our mother earth directly interferes with the ecosystem, a fragil balance that we are also part of.
So remember hurting the planet is hurting yourself.

>>48854456

Much appreciated. Anyone in particular who might assign projects?

>>48854392
Whippersnapper?!
Listen pal I've lost count of the centuries I've guarded this glorified jail cell and I won't have some upstart tell me that there is an upper limit on the number of dieties the multiverse can have.
Take your narrow worldview out of your ass and read a book on the subject.

>>48854448
See what happens when you stop insulting us and start working with us! Get a pen, write that down and tell the gnomes to build that thing asap.

>>48854302
>Thrusts his staff out
>Windows are sealed with ice
There, done. No thanks to Jackoff the pointy snarglebarf finhead

>>48854479
did someone say hurting yourself?

>>48854479

Tell that to me mother. A landslide buried her and half me family, you twat.

>The small paper bird Giusome made flies back in, unfolds itself, and a small circle is visible on it. A planar rift opens and a huge figure steps through, made of glass and bits of metal.
It walks towards the window, and begins measuring it with a small pink measuring tape.

>>48854414
I believe you're looking for the Geomancy Department. The current head of the Geomancy Department would be Samantha, she doesn't appear to be here at the moment but I'm sure she won't be hard to find once the meeting is over. There was another Geomancer around here not long ago however.
>>48854442
Very well, then we're in agreement. I'll make sure we start sending over some of our applicants to the Chronomancy Department as soon as I get back to my office.
>>48854474
Good luck with that, they got Lupa watching out for them. And I think they are providing the Archwizard with his "good stuff".

>>48854479
But what if all the animals are just polymorphists stuck in tricks.

>>48854521
Oi listen oop wanker. The window was already fixed, so get yer interplanar glass ass out of 'ere!

>>48854086
Furthering my research. I came here mostly to discuss some things with an archivist here.
>>48854236
Yes, Its hard to secure funding otherwise.

>>48854360
a decent enough idea however using a wraith, ghost or any other spectral entity posses a problem with "hands on" research, in addition to a host of other(admittedly minor) problems.

perhaps sending in a living person first and then having said wraith posse the newly created corpse for "hands on" research.

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The figure manifests a huge metal blade, and sticks it into ice. As it moves it around the window, it is replaced with a beautiful stained glass window. The figure shuffles over to Giusome and holds out a hand.

>>48854542
well now you're thinking philosophically. maybe humans are just smart animals stuck in a polymorph. souls are what's immutable crow man, but I don't fuck with that.

>>48854482
Well, the Head of the Geomancy Department at the moment is a woman named Samantha. Helping her is one of my colleagues from the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island.
>>48854558
Hm, it wouldn't happen to be an elven woman named Ivy, would it?

>>48854576
Great it's one of those bleeding bastards that only talk to themselves.

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>>48852482
Greetings fellow madoshidas, magicians, whatevermancers and liers, i'm Mr. Kcuf, a newcomer in no way related to the last cookmancing incident. To which guild section should i go? do we, err, i mean, you guys already have a new brewlab?

>>48854584
But if that's the case what if every time a bird shits on something hand made it's in their anger they're stuck in such a form?

>>48854576
*Taking a few steps back to admire the figure's work, Magnus gazes sadly through the new window*
You scared off all the nymphs...

>>48854491
You blithering nether-humping whalebarf! There are no limits on number of (incoherent swearing) deities. The Nine are the cornerstones of my Hermaticism, you pontificating, useless, fluff-eating, maggot-riding, bone-sucking titbagger!

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>>48854619
perhaps you should ask them. you are a bird after all.

>>48854593
Of course, We share some goals. Though our approaches differ greatly.

>>48854551
No, this is our contractor, he did all the work on making the original glasswork for the main building. I asked him here to fix the window properly, rather than a rushed, patch job using Cryomancy.
>>48854576
>Giusome takes out a small pouch, and empties two glowing gems into its hand. It steps back onto the paper circle, and vanishes with a sound of shattering glass.
>>48854620
Well he does the best work with panes in the planes. And look, they're choking that little armored man who broke the window in the first place. They'll be back once they're finished.

>>48854558
I hear it tends to be. I would help, but my lands are probably quite remote from your institution. As it tends to be when you live on the north-eastern corner of the continent.
>>48854602
I believe your branch would be a new one. My suggestion would be to present an example of your work.

>>48854647
What are these goals if you don't mind me asking?

>>48854657
>Magnus brightens up immediately
oh goody! Men who yell the loudest have quite potent blood. We've yet to find out why, but rest assured angry men are high on the list of desired test subjects.

>>48854698
And if you are on good terms with the nymphs they might bring him back in one piece.

>>48854687
Improving the daily lives of all, Or as nobles put it 'Uplifting the peasants and inciting revolt'
>>48854665
I would not force anyone to deal with the boorish bureaucrats in charge of our school.

>>48854641
AN excellent point! Know where there are any? Or perhaps some familiars? I wonder if there's a school of magic based around making familiars more familiar.

>>48854732
Ah, yeah, good luck with that. It's really great what you're doing.
Like, if you think of a way for oozes to be used, just come to me and I'll help you out.

>>48854630
Huh. I never realised a side effect of being a litch was only being able to expel drivel.

>>48854732
>Squints heavily at her
Wait a cat-bamphing second, aren't you Prat, the Prat Master?

>>48854732
Well then I can only wish you the best of luck. As for me, I need to get going. I have things I need to get back to dealing with.

>>48854801
Irrigation?
>>48854864
Hm?
>>48854871
See you around.

>>48854736
oh well blood magic is quite certainly the most effective way to magically make yourself more familiar. lots of blood pacts. of course if you ever stray from a blood pact the wronged parties' blood will rupture in your veins, either killing you or causing an enormous amount of pain. if you wanted something more peaceful nature magic is probably the way to go.

>>48854882
Could work.
Would you like a compilation of all current ooze variants to help with new ideas?

>>48854918
Couldn't hurt.

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>>48854665
>pull a cake from uder the robe
-Well, my nearly almost but not quite dead friend, my field is quite unique, kind of, i mean, last era dude made almost the same kind but we know how he ended, anyway; i search for the most delightful way of doing all our things.
-I mean, you like disturbing the deads rest, i'm not judging you, but, here, eat this cake, err, if you can still feel something, but if you can't feel anything we can arrange that... Aaaaanyway, eat this perfectlicious vanila cheesecake and you will call tormented souls back to their bodies while eating a cake, isn't that a genious move? Why haven't someone done this before?

>>48854882
Prat, who demolished the Archives of Iberia, who set fire to the Summer Palace of King Forst, who animated the statues of Novalisks to simulate the entire act of Nero? That Prat.

>>48854801
A simple request, do you think blood oozes would be a viable way to magically keep blood fresh by animating it?

>>48854954
the prat must fall

>>48854976
"I have a more complete compilation of the actions downstairs. Several students thought a lawsuit would work against the Guilds Hieromancers, and contacted several complainants. I was asked to scribe for the court."

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>>48854983
>pull another cake from under the robe
oh, i got you covered.

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>1491 DR
>not getting your magic from devils and demons

top plebs

>>48854968
Because, you scone-sucking baker, you can't shove a cheesecake down a ghoul's throat while his (incoherent swearing) are trying to eat you.

>>48854976
Not that prat.

>>48854954
Alright. I'll have a small book made later tonight then.
>>48854983
>Snaps his fingers and a blood ooze appears

>>48855031
Oh do be quiet Orvatticus, not all of us get our kicks from sacrificing our left testicle to some succubus for an extra inch.

>>48855018
oh my. I've heard of blood pudding but this is a whole other level. Is it animate? Will it remain fresh? As any novice hemomancer knows the freshest blood is the most potent.

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>>48855031
>implying i don't

>>48855045
Oh, distant relation then. Could I have a drop of your blood? Need it for divining that (incoherent swearing)

>>48855031
>Not creating demons and devils with your magic

ishygddt

>>48855031
enjoy your afterlife as a devil's footstool. Devils and demons never offer proper immortality, they always come to collect your soul. With hemomancy I stay looking young forever! Bathing in virgin blood is getting harder to do these days though. Damnable horny teens.

>>48855096
OOZES CAN'T DO THAT YOU NIGGER

>>48855063
ooh perfect. I shall study this later.
>Magnus siphons the blood ooze into a glass bottle.

>>48855071
It will last 2 to 3 weeks, after that mold will start to grow on it, it won't interfere with the freshness but it's gonna taste bad, really, really bad. So just don't eat it after 2 weeks around, you can still use it for casting and shit though.

>>48855114
Don't encorage him. containment wont be pretty

>>48855071
there is a soft bonking from the window.The now drowned armoured man is floating there, with a number of letters in nymph chiselled into his armour. They seem to read, "I implore you to establish contact. I have the deepest admiration for scholars"

>>48855104
This is why Hermaticism don't get good students anymore. All them striplings want is edgy gods and whatnot instead of basking in pure sunlight.

>>48855092
No.
>>48855063
Blood transfusions...

>>48855142
Don't let it in. It's a trick. A TRICK I SAY!!!

>>48855096
Oooooozer, my fellow mancer, i was thinking about doing a sufle with a animated ooze for filling. Which type would you recomend me?

>>48855104
I'm going to hell anyway so I might as well kiss up to the guys in charge

>>48855096
>being a literal ball of jelly

I think you want the foolish adventurer school, it's two blocks down

>>48855166
quiet you fool, these are hot nymphs
>>48855142
>Magnus breathes on the window pane and writes "Come to the window at sundown" backwards in condensation

>>48855114
It can and did! It took twenty years each for both of them but I fucking did it!
>>48855162
Yeah, just write down whatever comes to mind.
>>48855179
>Looks like this actually >>48852530
I'm actually the representative of the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island.

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>>48855166
>>48855177
>>48855179
Oh for the love of all that's holy can you all shut up? You all are lucky I'm in a good mood.

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>>48855034
try a soup instead

>>48855177
Um, a chocolate ooze.

>>48855270
ooh fancy name. why are you on probation?

>>48855334
Still new to the job, my initial probie period isn't over for a bit yet.

Nothing that I did, at least.

>>48855351
so what's a scrub like you doing yelling at three distinguished mages? sorry, two distinguished mages and a demon's bitch.

>>48855303
Chocolate ooze? You actually have those?

>>48855440
They. Are. Delicious!

>>48855452
>Ponders this revelation
What would it take for me to get one for my niece? They're low-maintenance, right?

>>48855385
Because you're being loud, annoying, and you're scuffing up the ritual circle I was working on. Need any more answers to dumb questions?

>>48855440
I have managed to create thousands of ooze variants.
>>48855470
>Not talking to the guy that made them
>ishygddt

>>48855486
fair enough, i'll stay out of your way then. If you ever need any blood i'm your guy! Well technically every guy is your guy but i'm the guy with the most blood. Lots of bottles. You know it's actually quite difficult to keep a blood collection labelled and organised. Well i'll see you around.

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>>48855440
Here, take one, it won't do anything but still alive, so make sure to chew a lote, or just poke it for some time before eating. Aaand try not thinking about it.

>>48855486
There are other rooms to do these things in.
Y'know, other than the meeting hall.

>>48855486
>Takes out his pocketbook.
"Use this. Write the correct symbols, and then fold it into something that can move. It'll go and get the necessary reagents and then come back and activate. I already summoned Parthanax to fix the window.

>>48855505
Okay, how much? Are they low-maintenance?

>>48855527
>Takes it
>Hands it to a skeleton
>The skeleton takes it away
I'm sure my niece will love it.

>>48855544
So, besides tormenting the dead, what else do you do?

>>48855544
Um, what else does your niece like?

>>48855525
Not many rituals need blood, but if I run into any, I'll give you a call.

>>48855528
And?

>>48855536
...What is this supposed to be?

>>48855573
I don't torment the dead!

But I do teach others my art. And I am in charge of setting up an entire country's educational system, building it from scratch.

>>48855584
She did speak fondly of your negative energy oozes. She liked sitting on one, apparently.

>>48855599
>Giusome sighs.
"Right I could use a drink due to this meeting."
>He takes the notebook, draws a small circle on it. He then folds it into a spider shape, and it scuttles off.
"It'll be back in a few minutes, bringing the best bartender in the planes. One of the perks of having all the paperwork handed off to you is that you meet some rather skilled people over contract negotiation."

>>48855603
If it isnt you who does the tormenting? we can't let all those idle souls without torment.
Is there a tormentomancer of some kind?

>>48855599
What even is this ritual you're working on. Why is it so importent it needs to be done while this meeting is in session.

>>48855603
Alright then.
>He summons one the size of a bean bag chair
Consider it as her birthday gift from me.

>>48855642
What is it with you and tormenting souls?

>>48855669
Thank you, I'm sure she'll love it.
>A few undead pick it up and carry it off

>>48855684
Nothing with me, but aren't we supposed to keep the world balance at least some times? we made a vote for it guys, err, a mean, you dudes made a vote, totally before i apeared over here...
Anyway the Happymancers recent acts are creating a huge unbalance.

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>>48855652
I was working on it before the meeting started. And I'd have hoped that the caution tape would have kept people away from the glowy magical circle.

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Alright! Sorry I'm so late everyone! I busted watched a bard get turned Into a skeleton...

And not die...

Also. New students? That's sounds great! Now if only we could rid ourselves of the old ones...

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>>48855735
>The small paper spider runs back in and unfolds itself. A smell of expensive alcohol rises off it. A portal opens and a figure made of barrels steps through. It hands a glass to Giusome, and offers a second one to Diana.

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>>48855734
I propose a be evil campaign to teach kids how to act evilish. And a torment factory.

Needing votes 1/10

>>48855763
>Cringes
Sounds painful.

>>48855734
Us? Keep the world in balance?
>He laughs and points to the archwizard
>Who is almost certainly high

>>48855735
We're in a Mages guild dammit! People around here don't just Ignore "things on the floor that glow".

That's like hoping your two year old won't go into the cabinet under the kitchen sink and drink all the cleaners you have hidden away because they have the words "keep out of reach of children" on it!

>>48855735
You knew the meeting was booked. Unless somehow you missed the timetable.
>>48855763
I want the tomes back that your students stole. This has gone on for far too long.

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My most humble apologies for being late, I appear to have miss placed my body. Nobody minds if i project an illusion in my own place right?

>>48855812
Thats why all my magical artefacts look really boring.
>Holds up a plain scroll case about 35x12x4 cm in size.

Whats this I hear of new students? If they join the illusion classes can we finally get that budget increase we were promised? Phantom chairs my look stylish but are not very functional.

>Tippary pours a small glass of brown liquid, then accepts a small glowing gem from Giusome. He steps back onto the circle, and vanishes, leaving a smell of Baileys.

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>>48852482
Calling all Barbarians. We're crashing the wizard's party. We're going to take all these nerd's ladies and beer.

>Fuck you, foureyes!

>Suddenly a portal opens and shoots out a lich wearing robes and wielding a staff along with quite a few bones

Ow... I knew I shouldn't have left him alone in there with the portal... Hey where am I and who are you people? And why are you all strangely calm, most people run when they see me?

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>48855914
>Sighs
>A bunch of skeletons begin punching Skumdog

Voting to Let the nymphs deal with the Orcs?
1/10

>>48855774
...No offense, but I don't drink.

>>48855812
They should when there's someone working there!

>>48855790
>He'd give the evil wizard a rather strange look.

I don't know who you are... but I don't think we're going to get along...

>>48855806
Indeed it was! The poor man only recently lost his right arm after trying to grab o to the flying staff of the recently deceased druid. And now he went and submerged himself in a car full of unknown liquid belonging to some lich that who apparently died off without a phylactery thousands of years ago. Thinking that it would give him back his arm!

... it didn't...

>>48855806
Well, do you remember that city being keept back in time so someone could ask some questions thing from some meets ago? in which, just to be clear, i had nothing to do with. Someone made a promise of keeping balance or anything like that, we should do it at least once, i mean, can't you see that on this rhythm in close to almost no time we will have to deal with whiteknights and other lawspitting bulshiters over here?

>>48855914
Hey! Skumdog! I haven't seen you since that day two years ago, where me and some of the guys slaughtered your entire village because you were threatening the local caravans! How have you been man? How are the kids?

>>48855914
Yes, some fun that would be!

>>48855925
If you here for the interviews, head to floor 256, room 8123. We're bringing on a lot of new people, and you might have slipped through the paperwork.
>Giusome hands the lich a small piece of parchment that floats above the liches head. It says, "Applicant Teacher, do not curse"

File: Cake of DISCOVER THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T KNOW.jpg (124KB, 700x525px) Image search: [Google]

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>>48855971
Also i toooootaly only know about this because of my cake, also you should try one, i feel something about your niece

File: clockwork_golem.jpg (487KB, 744x950px) Image search: [Google]

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SO I BETTED A PYROMANCER A VILE OF ALCHEMIST'S FIRE IF HE WOULD GO AND SET A DWARVE'S ALCOHOL ON FIRE
HE ACTUALLY DID IT
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN!
>A Loud explosion can be heard

>>48855950
Well, that just sounds like a bad idea in general.

>>48855971
You sure you're in the right timeline?

>>48856002
You feel what about her?

>>48855947
You really believe that?

I mean... this guild is full of the weirdest fucking people I know... you really think they wouldn't go and touch "the glowy circle"? That's pretty damn naïve!

>>48855914
There's no wizards here, why are you gathering around this empty field barbarian. A large empty not enchanted field.

>>48855926
>Skumdog try Whirlwind yee-haw bone killer spin! (Trademark special move) ((Oc pls don't steal))

dice+4d6

>>48856044
>Put that dice code in the options field, silly.

>>48856044
Skumdog new to board. Not know how to roll yet.

>>48856043
>Whispers in the illusionists ear
"We are underwater"
>>48856044
>Skumdog sends up a few bubbles to the surface due to exertion.

>>48856031
EXACTLY!!!

This is what happens when you're dealing with a bunch of newbies!
this actually happened tonight at dnd! best thing ever! He's no fully undead and can't be healed by anybody in the party!

Rolled 3, 1, 5, 2 = 11 (4d6)

>>48856044
>>48856060
Skumdog try again.

>>48856081
>Skumdog sends more bubbles up to the surface, as Giusome waves from the window.

>>48856060
You still haven't answered my question Skumdog...

>>48855997
That still hasn't answered where I am, and why do I sense so much magic here? Literally every mage I've seen back where my home was got lynched by peasants for being pathetically weak. Unless the fool sent me to a different plane...

>>48856011
Have you always been a golem? i feel like you ate too many cakes.

>>48856031
>You feel what about her?
i don't know, thats the problem, the cake only works for things you shouldn't know about and i think i should know this.

>You sure you're in the right timeline?
i'm nearly, almost but not quite sure about it, maybe it just happened a lot more time ago than i think.

>>48856081
Skumdog is smart now. Will start doing magic. Have put aside barbaric ways to do good.

>>48856105
Barbra good. Skumpups good too. How stinky elves?

>>48855942
2/10 they did that screamy dude in pretty good. Then they left me a present!

>>48856117
Oh don't worry, some confusion is normal when passing through the anti-god shield. Give it a few weeks and you'll remember everything. Which department is your specialty?

>>48856124
Wait a minute...! Are you that guy who created an entire golem out of pasta a few months back?

>>48856080
Damn, I think the department would like to look into something like that.

>>48856124
Well, think harder.

>>48856081
>>48856135
That's good, no invading the guild.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>48856135
ah screw it actually i feel like trying to pop your eyeballs from your skull

>>48856068
Are you sure? How long was I dream sculpting? Is this still the era of the jabberwocky? Do you think the orcs still might be fooled? I put a lot of work into that spell at least a good 5 minutes.

>>48856164
Prepare for Smackdown!

(Do we have base health? Wanna say 50?)

>Skumdog throws his newly flame-enchanted axe at the necromancer.

>>48856169
Well, maybe. when was the last time you led a class?
>Giusome takes out the 1m thick scroll and scrolls through about 200m of parchement.
"Hmmm. It would appear it was over 400 years ago. But that doesn't mean you have been sculpting that long if some of the faculty here are typical."

>>48856037
You underestimate people.
>Diana gets back to work.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>48856218
I will learn to roll tonight. I promise.

>>48856135
>He'd give a shrug of his shoulders.
El-tio and Felenel are fine. El-tio got married to Jen last month.

So did you guys ever end up moving the tribe away after we slaughtered most of you? Cause if not, I'm going to have a few choice words with your chieftain.

Most of which will involve "slash", "bash", "crash", "stab", and "explosion". On his face...

>>48856221
Shit I left the students in the dream sculpt

>>48856124
...MAY-
>Bzzzt
Ah, my dear chap. Even I do not know that an-
>BZZZTT
SHUT UP! MAYBE.
>>48856153
AND YOU!
>POINTS AT VEILHEX
DO NOT THINK I HAVENT FORGOTTEN MY GLLOORRIIOOUUSS PLAN TO DESTROY THE NECROMANCY DEPARTMENT FOR YOUR TREACHERY-
>BZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT
I am so, so very sorry for his behavior, gentleman with robes and wearing black, but I simply cannot con-
>BZZZZZZZZZZZT
SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID FANCY TALK!

>>48856153
It's out in the Dalelands. You know. That place the Alterrian Empire has sole colonization rights to?

>>48856233

So do you apparently...

>>48856152
No, no, no, i'm Mr. Kcuf, a newcomer in no way related to the last cookmancing incident. I have nothing to do with the salt stealing, apprentices abundance nor any other past matters that i only know because of the cake.

>>48856262
Its fine, we'll put the blame of the chronomancers, and then wipe their memories.

>>48856218
>>48856242
damnable orc, I'm not a necromancer i'm a hemomancer. we're much more refined.
(i have no idea how combat in these threads works i'm just pretending i do)

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>48856251
Skumdog have words for Brell. They are as follows. DIE!

(Roll 20, we both have 50 hp?)
>Skumdog summons a furious whirlwind beneath the waves and attempts to smash Brell into the ground.

>>48856151
What do you mean "Confusion" I vividly remember what I was doing and my old home! Bah! Whatever, atleast I was smart enough to appoint a regent in the case I'd disapear suddenly. If you must know I am necromancer. Now I just need to figure out how to get back...

>>48856297
>>48856242

I think it works by have fun and agree how it ends.

>>48856297
(Lets just roll 1-20s till one of us dies. we both got 50 hp. Im currently fighting you and Brell.)

>>48856289
Maybe not, then.

>>48856269
>Frowns
No, you're never going to do that. On fact, I will install wards, tonight, that specifically keep out sentient golem spellcasters.

File: Cake of BECOME METAL AS FUCK.jpg (55KB, 736x552px) Image search: [Google]

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>>48856269
Maybe even more will help

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>48856331
Then I shall try and rupture the veins in your arm again

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>48856269
>A large bipedal hyena wearing a denim vest steps up to Granitori and taps it on the shoulder
Hey, fagitron, you fucked up my windshield.
>ROCKET PANCH

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>48856304
OH SHIT!
>He'd attempt to dodge out of the way.

Also! Thats a SINGLE word! Not multiple!

>>48856361
damnable thick skinned orcs.
you're making me look bad in front of the nymphs

>>48856316
floor 256, room 8123. Teachers lounge is floor 6241. Coffee is being carried around by the giant. Only once you've been assigned a class to teach can you use the ritual component stockpile. Now what are your pre-existing qualifications. And ones taken from the future with Chronomancy don't count. We're not hiring potential knowledge here.

File: Cake of CHAIR INVOCATION.jpg (437KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

437KB, 1024x768px

>>48856304
>>48856361
>>48856331
Oh, look, a battle, good thing that i brought my chair.

>>48856295
Ah somethings never change, you can always blame chronomancers.
>>48856304
Well if there's going to be a battle here lets do it properly,
>conjures an arena and a small orchestra to back the combat.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>48856362
>1
>swung fist and missed, however the robot laughed uncontrollably and choked a little bit causing 1 point of damage

>>48856361
Eat lightning, buttheads!

>Skumdog causes a thin bolt of lightning to arc between his two adversaries.

>>48856431
my my we're all fucking up today. hmmm. i sense no glory in a meaningless death. i'll bid you fairwell
>Magnus dissipates into a pool of blood and seeps into the cracks in the floor.

>>48856334
Hey, they're giving away five-hundred gold to Anybody willing to go out and settle the place. And it's not so bad, as long as you don't mind getting attacked six times a night by primitive tribal humans wanting nothing more then to steal anything made of metal. And the giant snakes.... and giants.... and the centaurs... and the often undead filled ruins...

But other than that, it's fine! And there are thousands of untaped ruins filled with magical treasures that have yet to be seen in over ten thousand years!

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>48856334
ALREADY I HAVE PLANTED MY FIREBOMBS, FOOL! YOUR DEPARTMENT WILL ASPLODE! ASPLOOOOODDEE!
>>48856346
...
maybe.
>>48856362
....
>as she misses he raises a hand and casts magical missile at her face

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>Lurco walks in
I heard things have become hectic.

>>48856484
It has gotten a tad violent in here.
Grab a chair.

>>48856480
Only five-hundered?

Oh, wow.

>>48856481
>Snaps fingers
No it won't. It's in the negative energy plane. Your firebombs will be snuffed out before their explosions can harm anyone.

>>48856384
You know what fine! I'll go along but dont expect to actually be compliant.

>Conjures a scroll detailing My various skills

Here. Now if you'll excuse me I'll have to actually figure out where I am. At least my servant are still intact from the trip.

>I hold out my hand and the bones littered around rise into a trio of skeletons

Rolled 2, 6 = 8 (2d12)

>>48856481
>Aaliyah ducks the attack and clinches Granitori's arm
>TK GROIN CRUSHER KNEE ATTACK!!!

>>48856463
Get back here, wet dude!
>Skumdog clumsily attempts to swim over to the Hemomancer's position, only to dizzy himself.
VICTORY TO SKUMDOG! Now only one fool left. Lets go, puny one!

>>48856484
>>48856502
If the chair is changing colour pick another one, solid chair illusions have always escaped me,

>>48856542
Thanks for the warning, what should I do if it trys to communicate with me?

>>48856502
I'm good.
I also heard Doss was here, where is he?
>>48856542
I'll be standing.
>>48856536
Who are you?

>>48856502
>a tide of blood washes over a nearby chair as Magnus reapparates in it.
well I've gotta stick around to collect the blood at the end obviously. My bet's on the orc, he's slow but he packs a punch