PC lines that make you realize the session has gone on too long

>>48679537
Bitch that happens all the time. Especially when players are drinking.

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/

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Yup

>Exasperated paladin

>>48679734
No one was drinking, but all of us were pretty tired, me especially. Same player, same scene, different quote: "So, she's a wizard so I can't imagine that she's all that big. So, is she, like, petite? Or even smaller? Is she verging into being loli?" And at this point I realize that I would feel less tired were I drinking but I couldn't drink because I still had to drive home.

>>48679537
Well, does she?

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>>48679858

>GM: You don’t know that psychics exist.
>Me: I’m a werewolf, she is a werecrow and we have a gargoyle the back seat. I think we can throw arbitrary sceptism out the window.

>“That must be one of those roaming Christmas trees I heard about.”
>A bandit, after the mostly wooden Warforged Paladin rolled a natural 1 followed by a natural 20 on his Stealth check to sneak up on him
Can you help me? I seem to have lost my sides.

>Okay, but who’s REALLY more of a furry: the elf who turns into animals or the human who’s fucking the elf who turns into animals?

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>>48679858

>“You can’t seduce the guards! You’re in shackles!”
>“Hey! There’s a lot you can do in shackles!”

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>Lamia (standing next to a magma dragon): Please help me. I’m cold.
>Rogue (ooc): Would you like to try that again?

>"I pin the goblin on the ground." "Then I put my dagger at its neck." "And I ready an arrow." "I point my sword in his face." "Will one of you just tell me what you want?!"
>Murderhobos during a long night.

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>>48679858

>Warforged bard is named Gender
>It’s a social construct

>>48683015
Except that gender isn't a social construct?
Read your Stirner again my man.

>>48683119

Are you going to make me explain a joke from a tumblr blog, Anon? Is that what you're here to make me do?

>>48683138
I understand the joke. The joke is made on flawed assumptions however. A picture of a man pointing to a map of the United States midwest saying "and this is the breadbowl of the Soviet Union" is a good joke. A man pointing to a map of Siberia saying "and this is the breadbowl of the United States" is imply wrong.

>>48683119
Bards are social
Warforged are constructs

Are you tumblr? Have you been triggered?

>I spend the night reading to the whores, telling them that they live a life of sin. But also, that it is not too late for them to save their souls.

>>48683152
If that were the joke, why include "is named Gender", since it's irrelevant to the Warforged Bard part.

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>>48683170

Holy shit dude.

>>48683191
I am autistic. Don't bully me.

>>48679858

> “When last we met, your party just discovered that the criminals you captured had all been brutally murdered overnight, but you all then spent 20 minutes buying crabs and describing how you ate them.”
>— Our very frustrated and confused DM

>Text games in a nutshell

"So the reindeer refuses to get out of the SUV we're trying to steal, right?"
"Right. And the Russian villagers are going from confused to angry really fucking fast."
"...I open the door, toss a flashbang in, and close the door."

That was only halfway through the session. It just kept getting worse.

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>>48682839

>>48679537
"Now that I've convinced him he's a dog, I want to use Handle Animal to implant a subconsious trigger phrase."

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>>48682839
The only appropriate answer is "Yes."

Sensible halfling "Ok, I grab the swashbuckler's head as we escape down the pier."

Less sensible undead swashbuckler "I grab my hat and sword with my teeth as he picks me up"

Long-suffering GM (me): "Uugh fine, roll for it."

Natural 20...

GM: "Um ok, so the skull flops over and grabs your sword and brim of your hat between its teeth as the halfling stoops down and scoops up your head. And on that note I think we should end gentlemen!"

>>48682839

I don't know, but I volunteer to be the human who's fucking the elf who turns into animals so maybe it's me.

>>48682839
Depends on if the human is fucking the elf WHILE the elf has turned into an animal.

>>48679537
I don't see a problem?? It is a legitimate question to ask about the NPCs appearance, that includes if she is hot or not. Which is in your guideline a DM to deliver. Maxbe if she is hot, the ranger would be more friendly towards her - like people in real-life are more friendly towards attratctive people.

>>48683015
I lol'd.

>>48683119
>>48683151
>>48683170
So this is concentrated autism. I wonder if we can actually use this as some kind of fuel to solve the energy crisis. It seems like a limitless source.

>>48687000
It is a dumb and weird way of phrasing it.