Inquisitorial Penal Regiment /tg/: Chasing untied ends Edition

>Lance would be busy checking and double checking all systems before the jump
everything seem in order.

>>48567698
Excellent. Initiate warp jump.

>>48567755
>grunts at the Admiral before doing as he's told
so long to this cursed location, now let's get ready to fuck up and or save the next one.

>>48567609
>Meanwhile, on the bridge of a massive ork Kroozer by the name of "Depherion 'Splosion" traveling the warp.
>A certain ork warboss, recognizable by his trademark "'Splodeh Vest". Can be seen seated upon a leather chair made from several dozen, sown together (and still living) Grots. A old timey pirates hat that is far to small for him, placed upon his head.
Mist'ah Dakka Blastahs! Make speed to ta nearest git filled planet! WE'Z gotta WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Ta FOIGHT!
>"But kap'n B'Ork! De only bear by planet is filled with dose Tau Boyz!"
>Krump!
Mist'ah SQUIG beard! Take ovah dat gits seat, an' set course for da nearest Git filled planet!
>"Yes Warboss B'Ork!"
>The ship would then switch course to a desert controlled tau/human world by the name of Au'Sen'Var.

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>Is at the armory, checking to reclaim a new flamer assigned to him.

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Ever get the feeling that something incredibly stupid is about to happen? Because I am...

>>48567838
>Mot simply shakes his head
stupid sir? now that Larrs is gone I don't think any of us left have the balls to do anything stupid.

>>48567850
Mot... we're with a Penal Regiment assigned to the INQUISITION. Anywhere we go is liable to be filled with stupidity. Especially when we're chasing down a suicidal Ork Waaaaagh!

>>48567891
>Comes out of the armory with a newly engraved Flamer.

If we're lucky they'll blow themselves up mid-chase.

>>48567891
ayy, however that's external stupidity, what i'm talking about is the fun internal stupidity, times like this makes me miss Bob and theDreadnought. .

>>48567816
>Meanwhile, on an orbital station over the world of Au'Sen'Var (formally known as the imperial world of Syventi IV).
>A young member of the Tau's Air caste, can be seen eatting his lunch while monitoring various consoles Infront of him.
>One of the consoles begins loudly beeping. Causeing the Tau to throw his lunch into the air in shock.
>He quickly swivels his chair towards the monitor, before looking it over.
>A moment later, his mouth stands agape at what he sees. Before he quickly calls it in to his superiors.
>An Ork fleet of 80 or so large ships has just dropped out into the void, and will be within firing range within 15 minutes.
>The Tau prays to whomever is listening, that they can hold out until reinforcements arrive.

>>48567912
Mot. Stupidity is still stupidity, no matter where it comes from.
>The young officer would sigh as he goes about cleaning his new bolt pistol.

Honestly, this regiment has worse luck, than most deathworld regiments...

>>48567980
so you're saying the times we get attacked for no reason are the same levels of stupidity as when Larrs had a drinking contest with a genestealer? those are the same to you?
>he's clearly rambling and goes on to compare several of the regiments deeds to the ludicrus acts of the late Eldar.

>>48568007
What's with you? Loved the xeno or what?

>>48568007
Yes I am trooper! Stupidity follows this regiment around like a bad hangover!

>>48568016
not really, he was a good musician though and I respected that.
>>48568017
well then! just checking! thank you very much for explaining the details for me!
>he performs a half arsed salute before leaving to clean his shotgun.

>>48567956
>scroll over your post
>see the word 'agape'
>mentally pronounce like the Greek word
wew I've been spending too much time on /lit/

>>48568036
>Looks at him go, then turns towards Malak.
I think the boy was attached to the Eldar as a friend. He might have had it heavy on him. Apparently many people on this ship liked him around.

>>48567956
>As the Ork fleet makes its way towards the planet. The Ork warboss would have a smile, not unsimilar to that of a child who's parents just bought him a fourty pound bag of candy, upon his face.
Wellz... it may not be filled with 'umiez. But it IS filled wit fingz fo' ya Boyz ta loot! So ALMOST as gud!
>Picking up a nearby loud speaker (which would just be a cup, attached to a grot, attached to some wires, which would be attached to thousands of other Grots in similar positions round the ship). Micheal B'Ork, would begin to squeeze it harshly, in order to turn it on(read as "awaken it").
>A cough would come out of his mouth. After which there would be a long pause.
....
....
....
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH~!!!!
>A similar sound would resound from the ships ork population.
>"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
>With this settled, the massive Ork warboss, would turn to face the ships weapons officer.
Alrioght mist'ah Boom Goomz! Target da nearest ship, an foire at will!
>"Yes warboss B'Ork!"
>The ships weapons officer would target the nearest ship.
>This however... would be an allied Ork ship.
>Enough dakka to rip apart a city is fired upon it. Turning it to molten scrap.
>B'Orks eye would momentarily twitch, before he'd krump! The officer.

NOT OUR SHIPS YA BLASTED GIT! DA TAU SHIPS OVAH DER'!!!

>The officer, now rubbing a large bump on his head, would be quick to respond

>"Y-yes warboss B'Ork!"
>The fleet would Then target their weapons at the lead Tau ships, before dozens of rokz and roketz are launched from the assembled fleet. Their targets bring the planet below, and the orbital stations before then.

>>48568133
>>The ships weapons officer would target the nearest ship.
>>This however... would be an allied Ork ship.
>>Enough dakka to rip apart a city is fired upon it. Turning it to molten scrap.
>>B'Orks eye would momentarily twitch, before he'd krump! The officer.
Lol.

>>48568070
I'm just wondering how Hawthorne is going to take it... I haven't exactly told her that I ordered her lovers death... let alone that he kicked her to the curb for an old fling right before that...
>He'd sigh, has he puts his bolt pistol down.
I'm pretty much expecting a punch to the face for that one...

>>48568170
let's be honest. This happens FAR more often then we ever hear about.

>>48568182
You should wear a helmet when delievering the news, Malak. And carry some alcohol for her to drink.

It used to work when I had to tell my wife I was going to be moved to the front again.

>>48568182
>Walks past carrying some scraps
>Grumbles a litany of unconnected facts as he goes, ranging from agriculture to metallurgy

>>48568133
also, anyone want to play the Tau forces whilst we wait for the regiment to reach Syventi IV? Or am I doing it?

>>48568227
>His head would instantly turn at the mention of the word "Wife"!
>A look of utter shock and awe would br plastered upon his face. His mouth open in the form of a large 'O'.
>If the human jaw was capable of it. One would figure that Malaks would have gone through the ship, and fully exited the warp at this point.
>It would take the officer the exact span of two minutes, thirty-seven seconds, and seventy-eight milliseconds for a proper, verbal response to come from him.

YOU HAVE A WIFE!?!

>>48568277
Had. A wife, one son, a brother and two daughters.

They died, like the rest of my planet.

>>48568230
Huh... I did not know, that Balhest VII was recently converted from an agri-world, to a forge world.

>>48568298
>The man would give a small nod if his head at this. A saddened look upon his face as he responds.

I'm sorry o hear that Sergeant... I guess I really was lucky growing up. My planet has never actually seen any kinds of fighting upon its surface, or in orbit. There's not even an Ork presence for a good couple of systems.

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>>48568322
I wouldn't ever dare to call anything like that home.

I was born, raised and trained a soldier. We had two kinds of citizens back home: Soldiers and Miners.

Noble classes and anyone with power were millitary strategists and or geniouses. Our planetary governor being the best of us all. We were all also very closed people, commissars never really did fit in by having the rule of being off-worlders.

The orks where our natural enemy, a reason to keep sharp and ready for fighting. We specialized on taking them down, later we learnt that there were less of them if we burned them down, so we specialized on flame weapons.

Up to a point were after many millenia of warfare we burned out our jungles and built cities of concrete over them, and kept driving them off to the coasts.

Then they went underwater, hoping we'd not be able to catch them there.

Heh...

Poor idiots...

>>48568301
Decision made by Cult Mechanicus. Multiple new colonies had to be established to fill the void left in local food production.

>>48568133
>The Tau forces in orbit. Out manned and definitely outgunned (The world below having only months ago left the Imperium). Would launch everything they had at the massive Ork fleet.
>With only twelve medium sized warships, and a handful of light patrol ships. The fleet would be forced to fight on the defensive. Their capital ships doing everything they can to keep the Ork fleet at bay, whilst their fighters attempt to limit the number of Ork landing forces that make it to the planet below.

>Ork fleet however, would simply force it's way through the Tau fleet. Their vast numbers ensuring that at least a decent force will make its way upon the desert world below.

>>48568407
>After a short time, a destress signal would go out on all open channels. Requesting aid from anybody willing to fight against the Ork menace in the name of the greater good.

good god, low turn out today.... what gives?

>>48568526
I don't know really... it's just one of those threads...

>>48568439
Tau... possible research subjects. Will have to look for oppoturnity to study a few.

>>48568531
apparently steam groups are down too...
I mean, I an get into steam, it just won't allow me to access any groups.

>>48568541
Hm? Something's wrong with the radio?

>>48568591
Broadcasts. Pleas of help from the Tau. Nothing of high import.

>>48568591
Can you tell what it is?

>>48568619
Tau pleas of help in an open channel? We must have entered Tau space... they might have detected us, what's it saying?

>>48568672
>>48568644
>is there

>>48568672
Ork assault. Probably ours. Possibility of interesting research subjects is high.

>>48568701
>>48568709
I think it's time to get out there and kick some ork ass.

>Holds flamer.

By lightning strikes and boarding actions if at all possible.

>>48568733
Let me retrieve my surgical equipment...

>>48568733
>checks over his shotgun and grins.
who's ready to smash some greenskin skulls.

>>48568825
>Returns with a circular saw
Leave a few brains intact for me to study.

>>48568845
>eyes the man and saw nervously.
you alright there buddy?
>steps back from Callidon.

>>48568901
I am fine! Do I not look perfectly fine!?
>Looks like he hasn´t slept in weeks

>>48568926
I must admit you don't look all that well, maybe it's the twitching.

>>48568951
Bah. worthless loitering like this shall not bring me research subjects...
>His angry expression turns into a smile
Shall we?

>>48568951
Ach he's fine, kid, he's just seen war from up close these days. He's getting used to it.

>>48568987
getting used to it, ayy, that's what concerns me.
>shuffles away.

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>>48568982
That sinister change of behaviour scares me...

Emperors throne, you three are riled up about this.

>>48569100
I'm just waiting for the admiral to tell us we're ready to jump out back to realspace to get myself into a boarding torpedo.

>>48569110
We are approaching our destination. It would serve you to remember that patience is a virtu, trooper.

>>48569132
With all due respect admiral, patience leads to disdain, disdain leads to death.

>>48569110
You think we're going to be that close to the action at this point?
>There would be a dubious look in the mans eyes.

>>48569100
It is not too often I get to extract Ork spinal cords and brains. There is so much to learn from their primitive minds...

>>48569144
Far or close to the action, it doesn't matter. I know how to get close, where my flamer is most effective.

>>48569142
and death is glorious when done so in the god emperors name.

>>48569178
>Looks at him, anger returning to his face
Well, as it still takes us some time, I will return to my experiments... To die with my work unfinished, undone... Preposterous...

>>48569178
It's better to live and continue the Emperor's service in life for the years to come.

>>48569254
true but it's far more fun to go down in a blaze of glory.
>he grins at the Sgt.
much like how you went down if I do say so myself.

>>48569274
I preffer death to failure. These bionic limbs and this mask are a nice price to pay to complete my task.

>>48569312
death over failure? so you're saying you'd like to avoid your real responsibilities? that's a real shame you know.
>pats him on the back and moves on to harrass other troopers.

>>48569132
>Meanwhile, aboard the Ork Kroozer "Depherion 'Splosion".
>A one of the consoles Infront of the communications officer would begin loudly beeping, while flashing a variety of colours.
>This would annoy the HELL out of the Ork stationed there. Still wishing he'd been assigned to one of the fourty-seven weapon stations on the bridge.
>After beeping and flashing for the span if about five minutes, the Ork would start to get physical with it. Bashing his hands, fists, feet, legs, head, and even another ork against it, in an effort to turn it off. All of which fail miserably.
>Eventually, having become annoyed and exhausted by his new foe, the Ork does the only thing he can.
>He tells the Warboss.
>"Warboss! Da git fin'da is sayin' dat som'fings coming dis way!"

Well? Wot is it ya flaming nob!

>"I fink it moight be some o' dose 'umies from dat last world wez was at boss!

Well nowz! Lookz loik I moight just get me revenge aftah allz!

>He'd turn his attentions to the bridge crew, before, with a hardy sounding voice, would shout out.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

>The assembled bridge crew, would reply in kind with their own hearty shout.

Turn da guns ta da 'umie ships comin' in! And foire everyting ya gitz got! Leave 'em floating as piecez in da void!

>>48569339
>Grabs him by the neck of his coat and pulls him to eye-to-eye view.

Watch your tongue, mutant.

>>48569355
>With this said. The communications officer would begin to contact several other nearby ships. Each of which takes about five minutes to do. Seeing as how the orks stationed there have similar feelings about not fireing any dakka.
>By the time the imperial fleet arrives, more than half of the remaining 68 ships would have spun about. Their guns aimed right where they need to be.

>>48569375
>has to be pulled down quite a way to be brought down eye to eye
>clicking his tongue the man smiles warmly before headbutting the Sgt. and walking away.

>>48569144

We've always preferred melee when fighting Chaos and I don't see why a wall of death would halt an Ork squad with the accuracy I've seen from the riflemen. It's no wonder requisitioning new weapons is always such a travesty in the ship docks.

>Returns with a load of surgical tools and a webber
>Seems gleeful as he double checks the tools and makes sure they are clean

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>48569415
Brace yourselves! Master gunner, open fire with the bombardment cannon!

>>48569375
>>48569436
Stand down! Both of you!
>Thr officers voice would have lost its usual "older brother quality". Having been replaced by both a look if anger, and a loud, resounding voice, that could terrify an Ork Warboss.

We don't have time for in fighting! And I'm willing to put you both down if need be!

Now apologise this instint, and prepare for a fight! I've got a feeling that things are going to get chaotic!

>>48569436
>Aims his flamer but is stopped by the armsmen, they need the navigator alive.

Grrr. No matter where I go I always find a new enemy to add to my list of people to kill.

>>48569502
I'll apologize when I'm dead. For now I let him go unroasted and that's a lot of effort I'm placing on not pulling the trigger.

>>48569502
>>48569510
>smiles smugly,
you're not going to shoot the only Navigator this ship has, don't be daft though for what it's worth I apologise for my unsightly actions.

Rolled 8, 15, 18 + 5 = 46 (3d20 + 5)

>>48569496
>The lead ork ship would take the hit. It's good shields absorbing the damage.

All Kroozahs! Foire at will! Fill 'em wit Dakka!
>The Ork fleet would then immediately retaliate. Firing everything they've got at the newly arrived Imperial battle group.

>The other half of the Ork forces, would proceed to fight their way towards the planet. Blasting away anything in their path.

>>48569524
>>48569527
Exactly, Eisen! Not before I inspect his brain, that is.

>>48569527
>Grumbles.

>>48569553
>Holds onto something because of the ship shaking.

>>48569553
>The young officer would be forced to grab hold of a near by bulkhead as the ship would begin to shake rather violently from the incoming shots.

Welp! I guess that means we're here!

I hope the Admiral has a plan!

>>48569558
you will do no such thing my good man, my brain is my own and it shall be sent to my wife along with the rest of me, my staff and my robes.
>>48569553
the 7foot of man does not flinch when the ship shakes and shudders he simply leans on the staff.

>>48569553
>Grabs hold of something
I swear, if they keep shooting, the first Ork I get hold of will meet an end in a gruesome surgical accident...
>>48569631
Oh... But on the other hand, I won´t need it for long... She probably won´t mind if the brain is shipped a few days later than the rest.

>>48569665
>grins
tell ya what, you can have my eye.
>he taps his forehead which is covered by an old Bandana of an old world flag with stars and stripes.

>>48569665
Enough Adept! I don't need to hear this sort of thing!
>He'd quickly activate his vox.

All assault forces! Prepare to deploy! We've got an Ork Warboss that needs a good couple rounds to the head!

>>48569693
Hmm... That should be a worthy object of study, maybe even repurposing... Yes, The design already forms up...
>Starts scribbling in his notebook

>>48569715
Excuse me? did I say something wrong?
>walks into a carrier

>>48569715
>boards with them.
I'm rather looking forward to this little outting I must admit.

What did I miss?

>>48569914
orks led by Micheal B'ork invaded a recently acquired tau world (used to be imperial but they switched sides), and we just arrived in system to be fired upon by about 28 or so ships. Meanwhile the Tau fleet is attempting to keep the orks if world but are failing miserably. Otherwise not much at all.

>>48569914
also almost nobody has shown up so far. Which is really weird

>>48569946
Thanks buuuddy, current location? Ship? or hwat? Just gotta make sure that I'm not by mistake in the wrong god-emperor-damn place

>>48569966
Checked, and noted, I was surpirsed the thread is this "fresh" comparing to the usual timeline which, by now, would mean that the thread should be a filthy fucking slut with no holes un-fucked As in, there really isn't that many posts

>>48569436
>>48569510

What did I tell you; we're having a royal rumble. Do try taking care of the guardsmen as when we can't cover you the head butt you have wouldn't even make a knob squeal if I'm not wrong in my learning.

>>48569527
technically the weapon fires a spray if anyone wanted to get into it, now what do we do about that noise?

>>48569946
I can't believe it took me this long to get the joke behind Micheal B'ork.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qg2X_wYTFk

>>48569992
location: a planet formally know as Syventi IV. Now known as Au'Sen'Var by the Tau and Imperial population. Planet is known for various rare minerals, but is currently in the begining stages of being terraformed by the Tau.

Regiments current location. Still upon the ship waiting to deploy or for he ship to be lost.

And I know what you mean. Almost nobody is online.

>>48570043
seriously? THIS LONG!?!

Rolled 8, 11, 1 = 20 (3d20)

>>48569553
Fire torpedoes! Break their shields and launch a lightning strike!
>a pause
I hate fighting orks.

>>48570043
You got it wrong, the player stated that the ork is based on Michael Bay, not Ball, that's why he's the explody ork.

>>48570109
well the player is me after all.

>>48570109
>the player stated that the ork is based on Michael Bay, not Ball

...nobs.

>>48570096
And I STILL missed by three miles.

>The veteran sergeant wakes up from her daze
>Apparently a corpsman had decided it to be wiser to let her sleep (by pumping her full of tranquilizers)
>Rather than letting her lose her temper and loot the ship that is
>The Acid dog was awake, and she was, still high enough on tranquilizers not to really know what in the name of holy Terra was going on
>She walked out of her quarters, first having un-restrained herself, considering her quarters was being strapped to a surgical table in the medbay, it was quite a feat.
>After this she went on to secure her equipment, and walking off to see if there was someone who could inform her why all the lights were red and the annoying noise was on

And for what purpose does the god-emperor need a servitor, which screams... with its little tiny kid voice... all the time

Rolled 4, 2, 15 + 3 = 24 (3d20 + 3)

>>48570099
>the Ork fleet manages to shoot down, or avoid most of the torpedoes.
>All except one ship, which loses power to its starboard engines, as the torpedoes breaches it's sheilds, and the resulting explosion rips the engine from it.

Ohhhh! Dat's quite da 'xplosion! But dat don't mean it don't peeve me off!

Mist'ah Boom Goomz! Foirez back! Mist'ah Grug Bugz! You'z iz en'charg o da fleet! I'm headed down ta do what Orkz do best! FIOGHT'N!
>He'd then remove the tiny hat from his head, and place it upon the smaller orks head.
Give 'em a roight good krump'n!
>"Yes Warboss!" All cannons! Foire at will!

>The ships then begin begin fireing back at the imperial fleet. Even as they begin to deploy additional landas

>>48570099
At least they're predictable, admiral, expect boarding actions.

>>48570099
>An incoming message appears upon the Heralds communication station.
Sir! We've got an incoming message! It appears to be coming from the Tau station!

>>48570233
Orks, predictable? Ha!
>>48570289
Patch it through.

>>48570289
>at this his brow hardens and Aleks begins to clench his fist

>>48570310
>The channel is quickly opened up. The view screen showing a smoke filled room, with red lights fleeing in the background.
>Seated at the center of it, would be. Tall, slender looking Tau male, wearing what would appear to be the one blood stained uniform of a member of the Tau Aircaste.
>The look on his face, despite the amount of blood dripping from it. Would be surprisingly calm, and collected.

Imperials? Now of all times! I suppose I shouldnt have expected anything less from your speci-

>The monitor goes to static for a moment, before quickly recovering. The sound of an explosion heard in the background.

Unless you're here to assist us against the orks, or too join the greater good. Then I suggest you leave here. Otherwise I will be forced to order your destruction as well.

>>48570414
>mutters about Tau conscription

>>48570490
We are here to destroy the orks, xeno. Then we will liberate this world from your filth.

>>48570541
>Would smile to that reaction if he still had a mouth to smile with.

>Walking along the hallways

Wow... this ship is huge... and like, The Emperor's all good and all, but you bitches would not believe the shit I went trough...to protect the imperium... and like... weeeeee

>The veteran sergeant has stolen a fire extinguisher, which she is talking to.

I just want to see my mommy again, or meet my daddy...daddy was never home y'know, mommy said that daddy was a war hero, and that daddy saved a lot of lives...

I don't remember my daddy... and I haven't seen my mommy for like... how old am I?

>She looks at the fire extinguisher, and then seems insulted

AM NOT! And besides... I haven't had the time to go and find some chow so I can't be fat.. I think?

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>48570541
>The Tau' eyes would furrow,and his slender lips would frown at ar hearing this.

Then so be it Imperial... I would have prefered we work together to fight against the Orks, rather than waste additonal lives fighting you. But thr greater good requires that I make sure your forces do not touch the men and woman of this world. Even if it costs me my life

>The air castemen motions to someone off screen, and the channel is then disconnected.
>A moment later, alerts come in from various different stations.

>Admiral! Their ships have begun targeting us as well!"

>"Sir! Their station is firing weapons!"

>>48570635
Trooper! What the hell are you doing! And why are you wearing your pants on your head!?
>The man looks more confused then mad. Even as he diverts his gaze away from her.

>>48570694
Send a strike team to the surface. Shut off their planetary guns. We will deal with the orks in orbit.

>>48570722
Already assembled Admiral!

>He'd turn his attentions to the gathered troopers
You heard the man people! Last one on-board a transport is getting shot in the knee!

>snaps ammunition into his las rifle and leaves the bridge, heading to the hangar and waiting on the first boarding party to invade.

>>48570761
>is already on board sat next to Mot, he's tapiing his fingers on his knee and humming a happy tune with a smile on his face.

>>48570761
ONE TWO! ONE TWO! TROOPERS! MOVE IT! WE'RE LANDING IN HOT!

>>48570717
Shush you...uh...you kinda look like my uncle Jeb... he was nasty...but you don't remind me of the nasty you like... did you take my pants?

I'm not wearing pants?

I still... can you check that I'm uh... wearing my...uh...y'know, that my uh...

Andy? Where's my pants?

>She consults the fire extinguisher, who seems to tell her she's wearing them as head apparel

Why are my pants on my head?

Wait...where am I?

>>48570794
...
.............

Did you take any suspicious looking pills?

>>48570866
Has anyone seen my recreational pills?

>>48570866
Sergeant... initate protocol "Clean it up". Skip to procedure 2-74.3

>>48570794
I... don't know how to respond to that...(especially when malak looks like >>48567838 )

>>48570866
I woke up and then there was this man...or thing, it was this white blur... and I was being held by...xenos I think, so I tore the xenos to bits...funny brown xenos, attached to a cold...thingy...and like, the white blur tried to get me back to sleep but I... I'm not sure if I punched it or kissed it but I ran away... and... then there was...I'm not quite sure... aren't you the guy who almost broke my wrist?

>The veteran sergeant, still wearing her pantsu
>Where she shouldn't, given that her pants are on her head

Where we going...uh...techpriest? Magos?
You with the admech? Those guys are freaky like, no offense but man, I saw them replace this one ogryn's uh...thing.

Where we going, and could you help me find my pants? I've kind of lost them?

>>48570920
(I know what he looks like, do note, the Acid dog... is living up to the name)

>>48570908
That explains a lot...
>The young officer would sigh before continuing.
Lieutenant! Get on a Dropship before I give you a taste of the Commissar treatment! WE. ARE. LEAVING!

>>48570908
>>48570794

>Turns his head to Rex, then back to Kara.

All makes sense now.

>>48570920
>He stretches his hands and opens his palm, ready for some slapping.

>>48570948
Clean-up...
Coming up...
>He begins slapping some sense onto the trooper.

>>48570948
the pic that was in >>48567838
That's what he looks like

>>48570949
Leaving, where?

And where in the emperor's name is my meltagun?

>>48570963
You took some didn't you? I had to borrow those from the medicae.

>>48570963
Ow...ow...ow...hey...Stop..that...

YA FOOKEN CUNT!
>she slaps him back, although, luckily, not quite effectively...
>Eisen could've been slapped with a limp dick for all that matters.

Dude...man of steel...

But seriously where are we going and where the fuck am I and why in the name of holy Terra am I wearing my pants on my head?

and where the fuck did I get this fire extinguisher? I don't remember it?

>>48570949
Which reminds me...

WHERE THE HELL IS HAWTHORNE!?!

>>48571005
Perfect.

>>48571006
I've awoken this one from her lapse, sir, she has questions.

>>48570998
Don't be daft, I don't take pills.

>>48570998
Planet side lieutenant! Haven't you been listening! We're here to stop those Tau planetary guns before they, and the Ork fleets. Tear us apart!
>He'd then quickly make his way up the dropships boarding ramp.

>>48571005
Eisen will explain later sergeant! In the meantime...

>>48570963
Get her on the ship, and help her with her pants and other gear while we're on route!

>>48571061
>Nods.

>>48571005
You took pills that you shouldn't have.
You did things that you shouldn't have.
You're in our inquisitorial ship.
You're going to embark on that transport...
>Points to it.
...And help us kick some Blue Tau and Green Ork asses.

ON THE DOUBLE!

>>48571082
Da! I mean..Si! ..no...wait...YES!

>In the blink of an eye, the "slightly disoriented" veteran sergeant was...combat "ready" she had her lasrifle and all set, then again her pants were still on her head, althoug none of the regular troopers seemed to mind

>>48571110
*cough*Yourpants*cough*
>He embarks as well.

>>48571123
What about htem? I have them safe and sound and I'll wear them when I got the time to put them where they belong, and besides, your...augmented eyes don't like to look at a Mordant woman NOT wearing pants?

I mean I get it if you have a thing for uniforms but still...

>It seemed as if she was fully aware of her situation, albeit, she didn't seem to care much.

And besides? What help are the pants if I get shot in the leg? None. I could be going around wearing only my flak and I'd still be protected on an equal level, than if I were wearing clothes.

>>48571110
>>48571123
>With a loud sigh, Malakhe would face palm himself in exasperation, before taking his seat.

I'm surrounded by stupidity...

>>48571177
>He'd silently mumble out.

I'm surrounded by idiots...

>eventually marched into the hangar to board after seeming to acquire a rebreather mask. He pauses a moment to consider the lack of pants on Lucky.

They named you after a dog too didn't they? Are you on tranquil capsules?

for those just arriving. This video is pretty much this whole thread so far
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UpVQFBW5yT4

>>48571262
Mind explaining who the hell you are?

>>48571268
Team Deathmatch!

>>48571268
>>48571290
there's soup

>>48571199
>>48571216

You may be, however, you're surrounded by stupidly lethal idiots, with guns, and we, fuck the enemy up, so that some un-trained un-experienced children won't have to, except on cadia, and catachan, and krieg...and...well there's a couple places but you get the general idea.

>>48571262
First off, the "lucky" is for the regiment, 'Mordant "Lucky" 13th' secondly yes, yes she is tripping, a lot, and thirdly, who the fuck is you?

Oh last but not least, welcome aboard

>>48571290
oh don't you start too!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aT_YCqpJ2_E

>>48571286

I transferred here to engage the Tau, if there isn't some problem with it.

>after noticing the jacket he wears is worn backward he adjusts it so the identification is visible to the Lieutenant.

>>48571311
what do you mean "there's just soup"? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FAUnDDTz30k

>>48571346
Well then, take a seat sergeant and let's go! Otherwise I will shoot you in the knee!

got REEEEEAL quiet in here... is everyone watching soup videos now?

>>48571493
Had a quick chat about apartments and shit, also found chocolate

>>48571493
This was the first time I ran into this and I am now looking at more material. So yes, pretty much.

>>48571526
you've never seen code mentioned or none piece!?! Jesus Christ man! Where the hell have you been living!?

>>48571524
other than the chocolate, I tell most of my morning doing the same thing!

>>48571551
Code ment (dammit auto correct!)
>With everyone now aboard. The hanger bay us emptied of atmosphere, and the bay doors are opened.
>A few moments later. The dropshios lift off and begin making their way towards Syventi IV. Avoiding enemy fighters and AA guns along the way.

>Even though she did not approve of it, she decided to abide to the suggestions, and put her pants on, where they should be

I was just thinking, how large the percentage is...for like, combat castrations in this regiment, if you're not encouraging a woman to be showing off her Imperial Guard standard underwear... by not wearing pants at all, I mean, how many of you would actually focus on the enemy if you saw me prancing around butt naked...

Just saying, most of the men here have either gotten their nuts shot off, or then you guys really are dull desensitized machines...

Or both, I mean, I don't know, I just kind of stumbled upon you guys...

But I don't mind, it was getting a little chilly anyway...

>While she was on a rant which basically insulted the entire regiment for either lack of testicles and/or lack of humanity the sergeant, had indeed gotten her pants on where they belong.

So..anyway, what are we killing today?

>>48571607
>Checks his boltpistol sidearm is locked and loaded before holstering it and holding his flamer in "ready" position, aimed towards the exit ramp.

>>48571609
Orks and Tau.

>>48571609
>The officers head would shake for about as the Dropship is forced into various evasive maneuvers.

First off all. I'm not desensitized, nor have I been castrated sergeant. All my "equipment" works perfectly fine. Just as the nature, and the god Emperor, intended.

Secondly. The men would be focusing on you, not because you're half naked. But because they'd be laughing their asses off. Or, if Larrs were still alive. Would probably be "beating the meat" as they would say.

And finally... We're killing Tau, and Greenskins! So I hope you're ready for a fight. Cause we're being dropped in the middle of theirs!

by the way. Since this thread was a little lack luster. Would anyone be interested In doing one tomorrow? Just because it seems half our usuals either forgot, or couldn't make it

>>48571689
Okay, here's the plan.

Punch the nearest Ork you can find in the face and say the blue-ones made you do it.

Then we sit back and wait to mop up the remains.

>>48571712
Sorry m8, have plans tomorrow by thread start hour, won't be able to assist

>>48571730
Here's the alternative:
Punch the nearest Ork on the face and then punch the Tau, then dare them come at us whilst we purge them all dead.

>>48571675
Roger.

>>48571689
Solid copy on your last, sir.

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, what is the quality of our supply drops? Specifically munitions and field rations?

And do we have any word on hostile forces? Any intelligence? Or are we doing it the traditional way? Just blindly going in and praying that we don't die?

Because honestly I'm ready for either scenario, and you never know, maybe the blueberries are having a bikini party by some beach and we'll get to fuck them up good.

>>48571689
>Revs up his circular saw
Please save a few Tau for me, I'll be busy collecting Ork samples for a while.

>>48571775
>Suspicious tone.
>Heretic Xenophillic thoughts might be detected.
"Fuck them up" in which sense trooper?

>>48571803
Forgot name tag...

>>48571816
The fun kind, sergeant, tie them up, beat them long enough until they shut up, but not quite until they're dead, and when their xenos fuckboys come to save their whores, boom.

Detpacks, sergeant, detpacks.
>She flashes a toothy grin, and reveals that she had, stashed a rather large quantity of imperial guard explosives on her person.

Or y'know playing dead among them if the beating goes too far and when the Tau fuckers come close enough, gut them.

With a fork.

Because I've lost my knife, also, you wouldn't have a spare knife?

>>48571758
That sounds tiring.

>>48571828
typical me... I probably should go to sleep soon.

>>48571870
this one.
>points at the savage girl and grins.
I like this one.

>>48571870
You...

... I like you...


>>48571888
Duty is always tiring, yet it is it's own reward.

>>48571775
We are going in more blind that a man without eyes sergeant! What little information I was able to pull up, suggests that 97.6% of the planets surface is composed of deserts, with a few sparse mountains mixed in.
The population lives either by the sole planetary body if water, or deep within the mountains.

So if the Tau and human populace are having a beach party, then we have to ruin it!

>>48571906
WHAT THE WARP ARE YOU DOING IN AN ASSAULT TRANSPORT?! THEY'LL NEED YOU UP THERE ON THE SHIP!

>>48571938
>shrugs
little bit of eating muffins little bit of waiting to kill some orkz,
>offrers the man a blueberry muffin from a pocket in his large overcoat.

>>48571914
>>48571906
>>48571870
Emperors throne you three... Get a fucking room.

Hell! Send the inquisitors pictures why don't you!

>>48571970
ARE YOU INSANE?! WHAT IF THE SHIP NEEDS TO JUMP INTO WARP TRAVEL DUE TO AN EMERGENCY?!

>>48571973
I doubt the Inquisitors would enjoy such imagery in their field report...

>>48571993
>weak gestures are your only answer as the man continues to eat muffins.
too late for that now my friend.
>shows a toothy grin and gets crumbs everywhere.

>>48571906
>Blows a kiss to the navigator, not questioning why he's there with them

>>48571914
Oh that was just some dirty talk, you should get up close and personal and experience my handling for yourself, I would rock your world, and probably rock theirs, literally, I'm going to make enough foxholes for the entire regiment in the blink of an eye

Or y'know, find their filthy little holes what they call homes, and send them sanguinala presents from the Emperor, what's in the box?

Detpacks.

>>48571937
So...old school, groovy.

>>48571973
Do you want copies, sir?

Or do you want to take the pictures, Sir? I imagine these boys will keep me busy on the front...

>>48572015
Nonsense! They'll love it, watching xenos get blown...sky high

>>48572045
If you say so... Please leave a few of the aliens for me to study.

Just noticed the thread
Whats going on

>>48572045
I get close and personal... with a flamer... tends to dig them out of their holes...

...I Wonder what would happen if I also added Detpacks to the "burn their holes" strategy...?

>>48572045
>blows a kiss back and slips her a choc chip muffin

>>48572106
the video here >>48571268 explains everything.

>>48572045
First off. No. Secondly. No as well. And finally, I counted at least seven sex puns in there...

>>48572155
It would be a rather singeing experience.

>sits in a small open ventilation shaft. Tags is ripping out numerous wires and shoving in his own, while blasting music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89F5fpvwPr0 that can be faintly heard throughout the ship.
Deze wireys go ova here...
>sparks fly
Zog it, gotsta remember ta hook up a surge protecta... I'm seein' weird shadeza green now.

>>48571758
>>48571888

If you think Orks won't just chop us to bits and the Tau won't hide you might have some bad news by time we land, and yes I've finished letting you know what it is.

>>48572269
does not one read the first few posts? The ship is currently fighting to exist under the combined firepower of an Ork fleet, and a Tau fleet. Which, by the way. Are killing each other too

>>48572105
I'll consider it, for you sweet cheeks

>>48572155
Boom barbeque...

I like the idea... I throw the boom, you grill, and then we do it in reverse.

Burn, boom
boom, burn.

Rinse and repeat until we run out of supplies, or enemies. Whichever comes first.

>>48572156
>snatches the muffin with a smile

>>48572186
Yes, sir, question: does it matter? Sir?

>>48572354
Yes, and?

>>48572361
>The Lieutenant, would just shake his head in silence.


>A moment later, a voice would come over the dropships intercom.
>We've managed to break through the fighting, and are preparing to land outside the suspected planetary gun location. Be advised. The terrain is a little bit... rocky."
>With that, the dropships ramp would open up. Filling the room with the sounds of combat.

>He'd quickly stand up, and make his way down the ramp.
Let's move! GO! GO! GO!

>>48572186
Im still confused as to what's going on after watching that

>>48572441
>almost on his knees the giant of a man clambers out of the dropship and stretches out before leaning against his staff with a smug grin.
lead the way good sir.

>>48572269
>a short high-pitched tone comes from Tags' electrical work, and he freezes up for a moment. Several tense seconds pass, before a second, lower tone is produced. Tags screams out an excited burst of static, and runs for his workshop/hanger

>>48572441
>Mot hops out with a grin and his shotgun at the ready
I bloody hate Tau, can't wait to blast a few of them.
>>48572475
we've just landed on a Tau controlled world and are going to disable the guns I thinkalso people are tripping balls

>>48572441
>Remember that rocket launcher the Acid dog had "found" ?
>Well she brought it along

COVER ME AND CLEAR THE BLOODY BACKBLAST YA FILTHY FOOKEN CUNTS, EMPRAH'S FUREH COMING TROUGH!!

KRAK LOADED LET'S BREAK THE FUCKING ENEMY!!!

>She rushes right out of the dropship, rocket launcher already shouldered
>although she wasn't technically in any place to bark orders, people usually do what the person with a lot of firepower tells you to do
>especially if it's in order to preserve your face, literally

>>48572361
I appreciate it...
>continues scribbling down notes and drawing...
>>48572441
>Until the ramp opens up at which point he readies his webber and circular saw, and follows

>>48572535
Sup' Mot. Meatshield for me would you.

>>48572441
>runs up beside the Lt
Hey Malak, me and the boys just finished setting up the guns, what's our objective?

>>48572557
maybe next time friend
>he starts to strum a tune but thinks better of it when he gets a dirty look from a large guardsman holding a large trenchgun

>after taking a moment to adjust the sights with a mask he leaves the drop ship and cuts off the navigator to allow cover fire

I'll shoot the blueberries and you tag whatever gets in range that's armor.

>>48572574
How the hell did you already set up Augue!? And where!? The whole place is fucking filled with Orks and blueberries!
>He'd quickly jump into one of the hastily dug out trenches. Blasting a few Tau, Gue'Vesa, and Greenskins that were duking it out.

(Wouldn't surprise me if the tau call in reinforcements as I'm sure we are close to their space sector.)

>>48572660
how about we both shoot the Tau and leave the armour to those with rockets hmm?
>draws a bolter and fires at a Tau running away.

>>48572668
Listen, there aint no time to explain. For now, lemme just say it involved 20 abandoned ammo dumps, fifteen hundred gallons of flamer fuel, and one Litany-class artillery shell

>Stands above a trench containing various enemy and blast them all away with a plasma cannon leg shot

>>48572714
I meant Tau armor, it isn't just foot soldiers you know.

>after missing the majority of shots he replaces an ammo pack while attending to take cover

>>48572802
I'm sure it isn't nothing a good bolter shot can't cut through though, weak Tua in there plastic armor
>spits on the ground and fires more shots into the fleeing Tau.

>starts collecting samples, living and dead using his Webber and surgical tools
>mostly ignores the battle around him
that's it for me. Unless this thread is still up when I wake up, see you in the next one

Rolled 1, 3, 9, 13, 1, 18 = 45 (6d20)

>>48572844
>Even as he speaks about "weak Tau armor". The ground begins to shake, as many heavy "something's" land upon the ground above the trench network.
>Several seconds later. Six Tau XV8 crisis battle suits stand at the edge of the trenches. Their weapons firing into the assorted guardsmen force, as Gue'Vesa Auxiliaries decend into thr trenches, various imperial melee and Tau ranged weaponry drawn as they begin to counter attack.

>"For the Emperor! And for the Greater good!"

Rolled 15, 2, 18, 11, 3 = 49 (5d20)

>>48573059
Fuck you blue-berry tucktails!
>Johan loosed a volley of stubber fire admist heavy resistance

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>48573059
>fires his bolter at the limbs of one of the battlesuits
my what glorious looking tech, to think what a real human bean could do with the pwer they posses

>>48573059


FUUUUUUUUCCKKK


YOOOUUUUU

BLUEBERRIIIIIEEEEEESSSS

>Fires her rocket launcher which was totally not stolen
>At people she has no intent on killing
>seriously, she really doesn't want to kill them
>it just "happens"
>Which is utter bullshit, she's fucking them all up on purpose
>and probably getting horny while doing it

Rolling for countering blueberry scum with A FOOKEN KRAK MISSILE

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>48573143
Naturally I forget to roll, FML

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>48573059
>lobs a krak grenade at the feet of one of the battlesuits.
eat krak grenade you blue fucks!

Rolled 7, 6, 13, 5 + 2 = 33 (4d20 + 2)

>>48573059
Ah, yes, time for some REAL action
>turns on Vox
Alright boys, did you get the Tau guts unjammed from the engine? Alright, good! Fire at those blueberry cow vaginas (first roll)

>fires bolter at them (2nd, 3rd)
>fires plasma cannon at the cluster of them (4th roll, +2 for plasma)

>>48573165
>>48573059

Rolled 7, 20, 5, 3, 8, 2 = 45 (6d20)

>>48573124
>>48573124
>>48573140
>>48573143
>>48573165
>>48573172
>With the massive amount if fire power being thrown at them. One if the battle suits is destroyed in a hail of artillery, and rocket rounds. And another is left missing an arm and a leg.
>The remaining four however fire back against the imperial forces.

>Considering that everyone had ignored them. The Tau Gue'Vesa (human soldiers!) Use the time to close the gap, and engage the mix of attacking Imperial forces in close combat.

For the god Emperor of mankind! And for the Greater Good!
first four are Battle suits, the other two are Gue'Vesa and fire warriors attacking via long, and melee attacks

>>48573124
>>48573140
>>48573124
also you're all incredibly racist to blueberries!

Rolled 1, 6 = 7 (2d20)

>>48573289
>Johan pulls out his meltagun and revs his chainsword and charges the auxiliaries

You can still offer your worthless lives to the emperor you treacherous scum!

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>48573289
>trips up one of the humans with his staff and blams his brains out before opening fire on the battlesuit again.
look at these weak minded fools being brainwashed so easily. the God Emperor is not on your side I say!

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>48573289
>Reloading her rocket and preparing to unload it on, anything that gets too close for comfort, the deranged sergeant prepares to fire again.
>She had decided to hang a bit more back, than usual, because she had made the observation that a rear guard position was rather healthy, and increased her reaction time by like, a second.
>yet again, she fired in the...general direction of the enemy, certain that she would hit SOMETHING

Rolling for effect.

Rolled 3, 1, 9, 9 = 22 (4d20)

>>48573289
>pulls out his powersword and boltergun and charges at the Tau Gue'Vesa
>when possible delivers a kick to the nearest one with his prosthetic, both acting as a power-leg and plasma cannon in one attack
>artillery continues to rain down on the battlesuits
Traitorous scum, I shall wipe you from the face of this planet!

>>48573172
>>48573289

Wasn't paying attention to them.

>he takes a grenade and hurls it at the charging gue'vasa like it were a javelin and waits to see which maintain interest in a charge. He also draws a las pistol and a chain sword in the event a charge continues.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>48573289
>is caught up in closed quarters combat
>swings his guitar down heavily on a traitors head
you lot are worse than cultists!

Rolled 14, 12, 10, 3, 19 = 58 (5d20)

>>48573386
>Unfortunately for the Lt. The god Emperor is not with him, as sevrral shots from a tau battle suit, manages hit him.
>>48573445
>She manages to destroy one of the suits, along side a few fire warriors. Leveling the playing field slightly.
>>48573423
>Several Gue'vesa would fall to the Navigator shots.


>The combined Tau forces would not back down from this fight. Their hopes of holding this planet and destorying the Ork fleet above resting entirely upon this cannon and it's base.
first three are Battle suits, the other two are a mixture of gue'vesa and fire warriors

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>48573610
>is hit by a lucky fire warrior shot before letting out a blood curdling scream
>ripping off his hood the Navigator would reveil two horns petruding from the side of his head to those close by him as he charges into the fray, smashing his staff down on a fire warriors head.

Rolled 19, 19 + 1 = 39 (2d20 + 1)

>>48573598
>One of the men he is fighting, holds his grounds, and manages to remark
We may be traitors! But the God Emperor knows that we fight in his name-
>He's block one of your attacks, before bringing in his own.
Against a corrupt Imperium! RAAAAAH!

>The man would thrust his combat knife towards your heart.
+1 for Emperor's might!

>>48573486
>The shots would miss anything of value, as the combined force brings on the pain!

>>48573697
>the dagger would pierce it's mark and Mot would fall to the ground clutching at his chest, his mechanical organs shooting into overdrive from the shock.
shit.

>>48573697
AND NOW IVE KILLED MOT! or just ripped one of his limbs off.. either way Miranda us going to be PISSED at Hawthorne... not to mention I just blew up some of Augues boys

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>48573697
Mott!
>bleeding on the ground Johan whips his laspistol "crotch blater"
Die you fuck!

Rolled 11, 18 + 3 = 32 (2d20 + 3)

>>48573610
>>48573697
>>48573739
>his boltergun having jammed on the first shot, he instead uses it as a club and dual wields it and the powersword as he charges in against the Gue'Vesa, attempting to save the Lt (first roll, +3 for Look Out Sir!)
>his artillery still fires at the Battlesuits

>>48573739
>>48573770
>>48573771
>bleeding out he starts to giggle from the shock.
I guess that's what I get for bringing a guitar to a knife fight.
>he passes out his arms going limp.

Rolled 11 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>48573610
EMPEROR AKBAR!!! EMPEROR AKBAR! EMPEROR AKBAAR!!!

>the Mordant guardswoman raises her rocket launcher in celebration

SUCK IT BLUE!! YEAAH! RED TEAM ALWAYS WINS! FUCK YOU!!

IF I HAD BALLS I'D MAKE YOU SUCK THEM!! LIMEY ASS BITCHES!!

ON SECOND THOUGHT I'LL CALL UP THE ADMECH AND HAVE THEM MAKE ME A PAIR OF MECHANICAL BALLS, AND A HUGE DICK WITH A PLASMA GUN IN IT! SO THAT I CAN HAVE YOU LICK MY FUCKING NUTS AND SHOWER YOU FUCKERS IN HOT PLASMA!!!


RIGHT AFTER I'VE FINISHED FUCKING YOU WEENY BASTARDS UP!! YOU FUCKERS ARE WORSE THAN ME!! AND I'M FUCKING DEAD FUCKERS!!

SUCK!! IT!!! BLUEEE!!!!

>During her volley of insults and fantasizing of something borderline heretical, the deranged sergeant is at it again, shouldering her rocket launcher once more

THE EMPEROR GUIDES MY MUNITIONS, I WILL SHOW NO FEAR, I WILL HAVE NO MERCY I WILL BURN YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN I WILL FUCKING KILL YOUR TREACHEROUS FAMILIES I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOUR TAU OVERLORDS FUCKING EXTINCT FUCKERS!!

Rollan for effect, +2 for righteous fury

>>48573598
>>48573697

(Bare with me can't roll at the moment)

>he fires the las pistol at the traitor and catches him in the shoulder to effectively stop his attempt to stab Mot; perhaps he is better at close quarters than ranged combat and as a side note the chain sword is simply a normal saber.
>>48573573

>>48573697
>>48573739
>>48573770
>a shadow falls on the Fire Warrior that stabbed Mot. From the sky, a red dot can be seen racing towards the earth. Music starts to become audible. Seconds later, the Diggamek Tags, with his new mechadendrites absorbing the impact, hits the ground and assumes a menacingly octopus-like attack stance
I'z gots me tentacles attached! Now, oo'z gunna help me test 'em!

>>48573833
ALMOST FORGOT THE MUSIC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciTWkbtIKN4

>>48573843
nice choice

>>48573833
>looks on in awe and just grins as he gets to work, cutting through traitor and Tau alike with his bolter fire.

Rolled 9, 13 + 2 = 24 (2d20 + 2)

>>48573880
eh. Not my music but I digress.

>>48573819
>Sadly whilst the guards woman is cheering her minor victory. Two Gue'vesa, one of which is armed with a chainsword, and wears an outfit similar in style to that of a Commissar attack her. Each one managing to catch her by surprise.
+2 for mix of "SURPRISE BITCH" and the influence of a traitorous Commissar.

>>48573833
>The Gue'Vesa (human, not fire warrior) manages to back away from the man, before he is crushed, or can land a finishing blow against the Lt.

DAMN TECH-PRIEST! YOUR WAYS ARE WRONG!

>>48573833
>with the newly arrived opponent and fallen ally forced him to make a moral check. He passes yet decides engaging without a chain sword may be a death sentence.

Rolled 13, 3 = 16 (2d20)

>>48573833
>A voice can be heard coming from one of the battle suits.
>"Kill him! Before he kills anyone else!
>The two battlesuit then open fire against him

Rolled 8, 10, 1, 2, 11, 2 = 34 (6d20)

>>48573988
>Tags sees the blood on the man's knife, and his eyes turn red. The Techpriest screeches static at the Gue'Vesa, then launches himself at the traitor with his 6 mechadendrites

>>48574021
>using his staff as a bat the Navigator bats across a krak grenade one of the battlesuits
eat this you Bluefuckers

>>48573833
Hey....

those puny tau called you ugly.....

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>48574059
oops forgot my roll

Spectator here - Aren't you guys getting your asses kicked by the Tau right now?

Better lube up and get ready to spend some time being indoctrinated into the greater good

>>48574085
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0I4mTEdAf8

>>48574085
nah, since I actually have to go sadly. I promised my grandfather I'd help him out with something, since he lives at an old age home in town

Rolled 10, 1 + 4 = 15 (2d20 + 4)

>>48573988
Well where the fuck did you two fucknuggets come from?

Doesn't matter, prepare to get gutted traitor! Traitors! fuck if it matters, you all die!

>the, now crazed, Mordant warrior grabs her trusty close combat weapon.
>A fork
>Not her proudest moment
>but it doubles as a shank and a good way of making sure that in case of ration shortage, the enemy is edible.
>She charges the enemy, both of them, with her trusty fork of hunger.
>hunger for murder.

Rollan for how ded killy she is with a fork separately for the two traitors. +4 for suicideal fury, which divided is +2 each

>>48574085
I wrecked two suits, pretty good, and then got caught up in celebration... protip: don't celebrate on the battlefield

>>48574085
I would say no but I'm currently lying on the ground bleeding out so yeah... maybe

Rolled 16, 5 = 21 (2d20)

>>48574021
>fires another plasma cannon shot at the battlesuits
>then charges in again at the Gue'Vesa with his dual-wielding shenanigans

>>48574124
Shame really, but you gotsta do what you gotsta do, in the end "-][- Penal regiment: /tg/" prevails. We always do.

Have to wonder if there's a malfunction on this mask because I could have been way off looking at Tags, sort of guessed he was some enemy.

>Back in the swing of things and starting to try a new grenade on the XV8, preferring a real throw instead of pretending he threw a stick.

>>48574337

(don't know if grenade can be thrown when there isn't a charge, fire las pistol if not permitted.)

hello sorry I'm late what did I miss?

>>48574545
Lost our antagAnon, someone needs to step up, so far we've only met Tau resistance, but thinking imperials made it through, there should be ork roks coming in all the time... anyway, it's dying if we don't get an enemy, or as the chaos marines say in DoW: "ENEMIES! WE NEED ENEMIES!"

>a single Fire Warrior captain stands up and points to the sky,
>Orks are coming and they're coming in fast.
>the Tau retreet back slightly to there trenches and bug down as the Orks land and rush out.

>>48574616
thanks for clarifying

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>48574652
an Ork Boss Nob leads the charge into the group of guardsmen, he's screaming about explosions and he doeesn't look very happy.
rolling for effectivess of charge

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>48574652
WOO ACTION

>>48574678
Not much of a cohersive tl;dr but I suck at everything which doesn't include heavy cursing

Rolling for survival in case of fuckups such as rocket launcher misfire

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>48574947
>Boss Nob Pie, for it is his name lumber forwards and swipes at you angirly
you stoopid gits always interryupt our planz!

Rolled 18, 7 + 3 = 28 (2d20 + 3)

>>48574652
>fires with his plasma cannon leg at the horde, before unjamming his bolter (first roll, +3 for plasma cannon vs ork blob)
>turns on Vox
Hey boys, see that massive wall of green? Shoot it! (second roll, +3 considering how its a massive blob of orcs)

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>48574989
>Tags looks over at the Boss
Oi, ya zoggin green git, yer planz er wots stupid!
>using his tentacles, he launches himself at the big Ork and attacks

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>48574989
>The Mordant guardswoman is flung away by the force of the strike
>Unfortunately her rocket launcher was loaded, and it may misfire by accident.
>which it does, aimed at the Tau lines, luckily

Never been hit that hard by an ork, I think my guts are in all the wrong places, and I might've shat myself...not quite ladylike...

Rolling for misfire damage

Rolled 2, 15 = 17 (2d20)

>>48575127
Pie attempts to smash down on you but before he can-
>>48575013
the cannon fire smashes through the ork lines and sends the Boss Nob flying where he lands.
>>48575079
>ready to fight the Diggamek, he lets loose a mighty WAAAAAGH before charging into the fray

first role for boss nob second roll for the other Orks charging into battle.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>attempts to hack tau drones because of the whole no physical body thing

Rolled 13, 3, 7 = 23 (3d20)

>>48575210
>the Sgt unleashes a torrent of bolterfire at the incoming wave of greenskins (first roll)
>meanwhile artillery strikes down on the horde as well (2nd)
>and for good measure he spams out the plasma cannon as well (3rd)

>>48575228
WiFi for this sector of space suddenly cuts out

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>48575210
Aw...dicks... I'd rather be giving a blowjob to some uppity commissar than being here right now, in this condition at least...

Well, no help moaning...

Time to get up
rolling for combat readiness

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>48575210
>tinny laughter fills the air as Tags begins twirling through the Orks, whipping and slicing
Wot a good way ta test da limits! Gatherin' data haz neva been dis fun!

Rolled 12, 5 = 17 (2d20)

>>48575250
>as effective as the bolterfire is it can only kill so many orks, who are now more aware of your morter fire patterns and are moving away from them, dodging between cover as they get closer.
>the plasma cannon does well thinning their numbers but more keep coming.
>>48575351
>Boss Nob Pie easily swats away the tentacles and swings a heavy punch at your face.
>>48575324
>Pie thenturns to greet you with a large toofy grin.
I'm gunna smush you like a bug!
>raises his powa klaw high above her and brings it down like a hammer.

Rolled 8, 17 = 25 (2d20)

>>48575404
FUCK YOU YE FOOKEN WANKER!

>The lovely deranged sergeant was having none of this shit, and she was going to bite in tooth and nail on that ork, even if she'd had to use the entrails of her own mother to strangle the fucker she would
>unfortunately, she had no idea where her mother was, so her own entrails would have to suffice if it were to come to that.

Rolling for evade&rampage/assault

Rolled 1, 7, 3 = 11 (3d20)

>>48575404
implying these are mortars
I see you, you fucking greenskins! Come here so I can kick you with my robot boot!
>continues firing his bolter and plasma cannon
>the Basilisks continue to rain down on the enemy

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>48575404
>the punch lands and staggers Tags, but either the lack of nerves in his mask or the anger he feels takes away from the blow
Oh, dat wuz a good punch it wuz. Da statistics I got from dat will 'elp later.
>he tries for another attack

>>48575464
>the Ork smashes down and removes the arm in one clean blow however.
>so enraged by this was she that she locked eyes with the Ork, only two words we're spoken
"my turn"
>18seconds later the Boss Nob is lying dead in the sand with an arm lodged down his throat.
>>48575496
>the bolter jams before exploding, a piece of shrapnel hurtles into the sky before landing and stabbing Mot in the leg.
>the Orks however keep on coming.
>>48575515
>you rip the dead Boss Nob in half.

>>48575577
>Tags immediately starts disassembling the Nob, sorting the limbs and organs and neatly folding the skin. The entire process takes around 5 seconds, and Tags' photoreceptors are white the entire time
Data archived. Stored fer later review, it is. Great zogload of infermation gained dere.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>48575644
>a young Ork Boy looks at you in shock before shouting
OY! you killed out boss Pie! that means I'm in charge now!
>"you ain't in charge! I am!
>krump!
Like hell you're in charge itz me, I'm bout an inch bigga dan you anywayz.
>the new boss nob unholsters his melta and aims it at you before unleashing a torrent of flames.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>48575741
>the melta weapon sears through Tags, carving a path through his torso
Stings a little, dat does.
>somehow still upright, Tags tries to fall back, whipping his dendrites at the Orks as he does

>finishes a tea break with the Ork Boyz once agreeing a chain sword does better in scraps than the combat knife and saber.

>makes a dash back to the navigator and makes with switching his las rifle to automatic; following said change he begins attempting suppressing shots against the closest foes.

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>48575577
With one, rather important limb now stuck in the throat of an ork nob, Sisarius has no option but to retreat and keep pressure to her bleeding wound
>maybe she does have a chance of getting to someone medically competent before she bleeds out and dies
>on a wretched planet before even becoming what she always wanted to become, a fucking baneblade.
>Ambitious dreams no less

ANYONE GOT A FLAMER? OVERHEATING PLASMA? DEAD MEDIC? LIVE MEDIC? Someone who could stop the fucking bleeding?

rolling for percentage of blood left

Rolled 18, 17 = 35 (2d20)

>>48575813
>Skorcho grins at the damage he's caused and is unfased by the damage he recieved.
I'm gunna cook ya up reall tasty like and eat ya!
>another torrent of flames burts out pf the combi melta flamer.(first roll)
>>48575871
>nearby orks are dropping dead around you but a particularly large ork chases you down and tries to swing his powa klaw at you (second roll)

>>48575897
>robes on fire and several tentacles non-functional, Tags finally begins to worry. The damage is piling up.
Gah. 'uman physiology ain't cut out fer dis, and me upgrades is all wrong fer fightin'. I'z gotta get lucky.
>Tags begins directing his attacks at the Ork's head, beginning to get a little desperate

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>48575946
Course I forgot the roll.

>>48575897
Orks aren't supposed to be sneaks!

>has little choice and makes an attempt to sidestep the attack while offering the rifle he holds as a shield.

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>keeps walking, trying to find some sort of staging area, or at least a triage or something where she could get patched up, or if necessary, patch herself up.

I have not...come this far...to FUCKING DIE...now...

Not yet... Not yet... not yet not yet NOT FUCKING YET!

rolling for blood percentage left

Rolled 5, 7 = 12 (2d20)

>>48575961
>>48575961
>one tentacle smashes through the orks goggles and into his right eye, blinding him into a fit of rage.
ya stoopid bugger!
>drops his combi melta burna and swings a fist at you instead. (first roll)
>>48575975
klearly youv neva met a kommando!
>the kommando ork grins before trying to shank you with a rusty knife. (second roll)

>>48576019
>Tags sidesteps the punch, and continues to go after Skorcho's face
I'z gonna give ya a makeova, greenie!

>>48575975
Hey, read >>48567609 bro! You've gotta roll a d20 for combat

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>48576073
FUCKING ROLLS

>>48576019
>somehow the weapon remains intact although likely malfunctioning and he then switched his grip to use it likes some Morningstar and smash the Ork in the jaw

Rolled 8, 9 = 17 (2d20)

>>48575577
>with his bolter gone, all he has left is his plasma cannon and his Basilisks
>he promptly uses both, then draws his powersword in his freehand

>>48576092
I've seen worse than the likes of you with my gun and I'm not dropping it quite yet!

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>48576073
>>48576091
>the Ork looks on in confusion as the tentacles shoot right past him,
did you err... mean to do that?
>he's got a concerned and puzzled look on his stupid face.
>>48576092
>the kommando flails backwards and lunges again with knife. (first roll)
>>48576100
>one ork gets closer and moves to engage with you in sword to choppa combat (second roll)

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>48576153
>forgot my second roll, oops.
>battle music
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwNOmS78q-o

>>48576092
>>48576153

>after impact the power cell explodes sending shards and burning the man yet maybe allowing him to avoid the rusty shank.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>48576153
>Tags pauses for a moment. The damage must be affecting him more severely than he though. Quickly, he tries to take advantage of the Ork's inattention, but several of Tags systems are hitting the red line

and I'm back!

>>48576224
welcome back, I took over as the orks but let the Tau fall back a bit.

>>48576170
Alroight ya gitz! Oi'z backs from krumpin' dat der' Tau mecha boy! Where's da FIOGHT'N!

>>48576224
Welcome back, while you were gone, the orks proved more competent soldiers than the Tau, and everyone knows orks fight retarded.

Which works for them.

>Sisarius is still trying to find someone who's alive, or at least intact enough for her to get her to patch up the bleeding wound left by her arm being torn off by an ork nob

>she has been doing it for at least twenty minutes now, it's a miracle she's even alive.

>>48576198
>the kommando is ripped to shreds by the shrapnel.
>>48576207
>skorcho takes the hit and staggers back readying himself for the next charge he draws his choppa.
>>48576269
>over vox squig
dis is da new boss nob skorcho, we lost a lot of boyz to arthillery but we pushed forwards and we're fioght'n ummies boss!

>>48576018
>The man would grab hold of the wounded sergeant.
Easy there... I got you.

>>48576286
>naturally what few know is that she used her arm as a blunt weapon and jammed it so far down the ork nob's throat that the fucker choked on it
>It may be a case of bleeding somewhere else too, other than just the huge wound where her arm should be attached.

>>48576304
Eh patch me up and I'll get back into the midst of it L-T
>She manages to chuckle, although notably pale now, due to losing, a lot of blood.

Rolled 14, 1 + 5 = 20 (2d20 + 5)

>>48576170
>kicks the orc with my robotic leg, firing the plasma cannon at the same time (first roll, +5 because combined firepower)
>retreats back as his Basilisks barrage the Orcs (2nd)

>>48576296
Den dose wut Orks do best! Foight'n 'n winin'!
>The Ork would then quickly grab on of the nearby human troopers with his powerclaw, before ripping him in half!

>>48576331
>the ork is ripped apart.
>one of your tanks explodes.
>>48576347
youz got it boss!

>>48576328
>The Lt, would grimace for a a moment at the sight, before forcing a smile.
C
Good thing you've got me to help!
>He'd then scoop the guards woman up in one go before getting her into one of the nearby Tau tunnels.
Hold on tight, and shoot anything you see that isn't human!

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>48576296
>leaking blood, coolant, and other vital fluids, Tags takes in his situation. A large Ork, blind in one eye, is trying to kill him with a rather large bladed weapon. Tags himself is severly injured to the point where he could actually be doing a countdown to organic death. This is a poor way to collect data. Even as he thinks, systems are shutting down. His robe is still on fire. Only 2 dendrites are still functional, and both of them are sparking like that won't be the case for very long.
This is fun, it is.
>Tags tries to go after the Ork again.

>>48576354
>implying it explodes
Ive got nine of the things
>gets report on Vox
What?! What do you mean the Tau guts jammed the engine?! What do you mean the shell is stuck between the barrel and an Orc skull?! Dammit!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>48576399
>skorcho just headbutts the human and grins down at him.
I fink I won!

>>48576354
Use da vests ya damned gitz! Dat'll show 'em the true powah o xplo'deh Boyz!
>He'd then charge directly into the enemy lines. Fully prepared to use his suicide vest as he charges Augues Basilisks!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

>>48576296
The Emperor protects and today is mine!

>draws the saber from his belt and attempts to fight his way back to the Ork leadership after the moral boost from defeating my foe.

>makes an attempt to rescue Tags and gut the war boss from behind.

>>48576445
>the headbutt is rather comically met with a dull thud. Tags is a Techpriest, after all, and his skull has been replaced by metal.
Er... Wot?
>Tags keeps up his attacks, struggling to maintain life-support functionality

Rolled 19, 20 = 39 (2d20)

>>48576448
>sees the Ork charging my Basilsk
OH WARP NO YOU EXPLOSION FETISHING GIT
>fires a plasma cannon shot at him (1st roll)
Come at me, ya knob!
>charges with powersword (2nd roll)

Rolled 63 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>48576448
first off. Forgot to roll for damage done. Secondly, as an Xplo'deh ork, I'm immune to any form of explosion
finally, I'm rolling for how much damage I cause. Each point is one meter of radius that the explosion reaches.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>48576493