Pathetic Marines: the Bastion of Randomness Edition

>>48352525
Brothers , threads bring new adventures! We need a Game Master here!

Minor encounter chart (in Bastie)
>1-4 Eldar
>5-8 Daemons
>8-12 Tryanids
>13-16 Necrons
>17-20 Misc Xenos (D3 1-Hrud, 2-Squats, 3-Vespid)

Found Equipment Chart
>1 — We are ambushed by a group of lesser daemons/tyranids/survived eldars/Horus himself etc.
>2-5 — We found nothing, oh well.
>6-11 — d3 of randomly generated items.
>12-17 — 2d3 of randomly generated items.
>18 — a suit of relic power armor.
>19 — a working vehicle or a dreadnought chassis.
>20 — a Holy Relic.

Lesser Daemons chart:
>roll 1d10

>1-2 bloodletters
>3 plaguebearers
>4 nurglings
>5-6 daemonettes
>7 pink horrors
>8 flamers
>9-10 furies

>>48352632
>OOC thank you chaplain

>IC
Now since we are all in this vent which way shall go in search of the lost Crozius? Left? or right?

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>48352641
>1, right
>2, left

>>48352660
The Emperor's Tarot tells us to go left! This shall be our way.

>>48352660
Left it is then.

>OOK
If we do have a Penal Legion crossover, I can see the general reaction to Bastie being "Where the fuck did that come from!?"

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>48352660
We have our course brothers! these vents are a tight fit however so we shall have to shuffle along and excercise restraint. Now whats over here anyhow?

>OOC
Using the found loot table with 18-20 being the crozius

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>>48352677
>1, Minor encounter(Rolled by someone else than me please)
>2, Found items(Crozius found at 17+)
>3,Surprise event picked by the first to respond

>>48352693
>OOC
Well, that was fast.
And rather pathetic.

>>48352693
That didn't take very long.

Uggvhh is there a tech-proest around? Bastie keeps sending binary to my data-slate and I'm not too fluent in it, all I've got from it is something about the coordinates where the crozius is

>>48352712
Indeed it didnt

>>48352693
The Crozius is an illusion!Created by foul eldar hiding in this Vent!They must have boarded from their ship while we were busy being pathetic!

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>48352741
Alright, the tech priests sent me a translation.

Turns out around 20 Eldar and some number of necrons are fighting in the floor below the crozius.

Well, I'll send 2 squads of devestators down to the floor, I'm hoping you will reinforce them

>OOC
Rolling to see what happens to my squad on their way down

>>48352770
You should be able to get there before them but they have a clear course plotted

>>48352710
>>48352712
Erm, it was rather quick wasnt it, i suppose it was only dropped into a vent and not a waste pipe.

Should we take a look around while we are here, it seems like a waste to just leave

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>48352780
Here we go.

>OOC
Where was I again?

>>48352798
Erm, I'd ask you to tell me your coordinates but I suppose you can't see anything

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>48352780
>1-5, Sanic Fest Descent with no happenings
>6-10, Floor Collapses
>11-14, Obstacles , slower descent
>15-18, Solid Metall Wall
>19-20 The enemy expects us

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>48352770
I shall give us an Entrance brothers! after that Jump in and get to bashing!

>Fires Gauss Flamer into the floor

>>48352811
Well shit , prepare for one hell of a drop

>>48352822
>>48352815
>OOC
Now we know why the floor is collapsing!

>>48352822
>we're gonna need some support and several REALLY good apothecarys our tauminator is down and quite burnt

Eldar ? The fools, if I wasm't so weak, I'd already have kicked their odd pointy-eared heads out of our pathetic fortress of patheticness. Could one of you brothers bring me my bike ? I can't find it here, but I think it might be somewhere around
>keeps sitting in his cell trying to make his powerfist fit

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>48352827
>>48352831
Try not to land on an eldar they do nothing to mitigate a fall!

>>48352852
Captain Is the Teleport homer active?

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>48352827
>rolling for impact damage

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>48352866
Right, 1 second. Hmm seems I dropped it quite hard,

>1-3 it's fine
>4-5 it'll take a minute to fix
>6 it's broken

>>48352866
>>48352879
Alright looks like you're good to go brother, I'll set the coordinates for the medbay and hopefully the apothecarys know what they are doing

Best of luck!

>>48352878
Ouch. That was rather unpleasant.
Thank Phaeron my body is made out of necrodermis.

>>48352879
Landing

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>48352908

>>48352914
Wow surprise survival

>>48352888
I hope you put them in correctly captain this rather stings.
>>48352827
>>48352878
Brothers i must leave you! take my flamer that i may still aid you.

>1-2 Medbay
>3-4 Reliquary
>5-6 Captain Fleshbane's Room

Found my bike, turns out this traitor had hidden in plain sight. Where did the noise come from already, gotta bring the cavalry !

>OOC
What am I supposed to do ? Never been in this kind of thread before ^^'

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>48352925

>>48352931
>OOC
I was secretly hoping you would get fleshbanes room for shenanigans

>>48352929
>OOC
You can do whatever you want, basically.
Right now a small group of marines is trying to get my crozius back.
At the same time, we've got eldar and necron intruders fighting each other.
Aren't you the captain of the I Company? You can try to deal with the xenos while we're down here.

>>48352984
>OOC
Who wasn't hoping for that?

>>48353012
Allright brother, heading for these xeno you mentioned ! Calling for support !

Can you please roll for where I end up ?
>1-Lost
>2-with you
>3-In a necron group
>4-Eldars
>5-in a xeno boarding ship

Rolled 3 (1d5)

>>48353039

>>48353047
>Facesoles
DAMMIT NOTAN!

>>48353055
>>48353047
Uuhhh...
...what a strange coincidence!
It's not like I'm connected with necrons or something...

>>48353055
Alright , ill Start slaying eldar then!

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>Bike rushes in the general direction of the xeno blips, constantly reajusting his powerfist, unaware of the various running astartes on his way.
>After a few momemts, crashes through an half open door, gets projectionered forward through half the corridor and pathetically ends up hugging a necron warrior, which doesn't really seem to like it.
>Looking around, sights a différent cron, which oddly wears a pink cape.
>Points at him with pathetic rage
>Powerfist detaches and is sent flying towards the cron

Rolling to see what happens
1-dodge
2-4 hit
5- BOOM
6- next answerer decides

Great news Brothers, my new arm has been fitted. What did I miss while I was being operated on?

>>48353039
Bike Support Fire when?

>>48353179
Welcome back, Brother-Captain!
As you can see, I've lost my crozius, would you like to help us get it back?

>>48353179
Basically , the Chaplain lost his Crozius during looting and when we went searching , we found some eldar and necrons fighting while me and some other guys fell from ceiling vents into the group , now support is comin

>>48353195
This simply will not do Chaplain, I will make haste in hunting for it. Do you remember where you last saw it?

>>48353207
Do not fear brother, these Necrons are not as though ad they appear. I slew several of them with a single shot from my Lascannon when we faced the on that asteroid.

>>48353183
>The cron gets hit, rages, rushes towards the captain.
>Captain laughs, rushes to his powerfist, keeps rushing to his bike and fle.. Rushes towards a place where his skill is more needed.
>Hears a rumbling in a corridor. Goes full throttle, fist forwards towards the wall.

Roll me what happens
1- wall wins
2- breaks the wall and falls
3- Breaks the wall and stops
4- breaks the wall, and the next
5-wall wins

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>48353246
I have faith in your patheticness brother

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>48353246

>>48353241
Well, the last time i saw it was when i dropped it into the vent. According to brother-captain >>48352770 the crozius must be somewhere above the improvised battlefield.

>>48353279
Say no more, I shall retrieve my Lascannon and then find my way there.

>>48353256
>>48353260
>The wall explodes under the impact, the audacious marine is projected towards the second one, his powerfist forwards as always, pointing at the wall which comes to him at an alarming speed

BOOM

>Gathering the new informations he's exposed to, the first company captain adresses his brothers

What the hell's going on there ? Who's responsible for all this rumbling ?

>>48353279
>Rushes Towards Eldar ,Relic Sword Drawn
>Eldar realize that my Sword has Soulrazor, which denies the effect of their soulstones(Sends foes Soul to Warp if they are hit and fail a leadership test) and react in a way that the first response decides

>>48353279
Perhaps, the the tech priests didn't send me an overly clear translation and it was still in half binary. It's in that general area, and so are three necrons, and the Eldar...and what ever Bastie has in store for you

>>48353307
The Eldar take one look at you and hear your voice filled with pathetic Rage. They know you are the kind of marine that'll at least take two down while dying himself. They bolt to the right to get away from the necrons and you

>>48353319
Wow , i didnt expect the eldar to be afraid of anyone as pathetic as me

Rolled 19, 16 = 35 (2d20)

>>48353353
They are not afraid of you, brother.
They are afraid of your sword.

>Chaplain Ecron furiously swings his claws, trying to get as many eldar as possible.

Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>48353353
They wish to escape alive not inflict damage on either party as a priority. It appears the ran into a large room that seems to be an abandoned vehicle Bay. Inside the bay is
>1 stasis pods
>2 odd Thunderhawk
>3-4pods + hawk
>5 it's a warp portal

>>48353376
>OOC
WARP FUCKERY!

>>48353374
>>48353376
After inflicting lethal damage to one Eldar and heavily injure another, Sargeant sagacious, I give you authority to chase down the Eldar trapped in the portal

Before any chase is given all you hear is the Eldar screaming in agony and after a sufficient amount of yelling you hear
>death to the emperors foes all hail the emperor and his greatest son horus!

>>48353418
>Looks in the general direction of the screaming
What now, who the hell are you ?

>>48353434
>you marine! I am a captain of the great Luna wolves legion! Who are you and why isn't your armor adorned with paint?

Oh, damnit.
Brothers, activate a teleporter beacon, so that i may come to aid you!

>>48353418
What's that? No, it doesn't make any sense. Who would praise both The Emperor and Horus at the same time? That could've been possible only...

...in Pre-Heresy times.

>OOC
someone mind taking over the Luna wolves role play? I have to get at least 2 hours of sleep before I head to work. Cya fellas later

>>48353477
Heresy? What Heresy?

>>48353486
Welcome to the 41st Millennium Brother , we are the Chapter of the Pathetic Marines , a collection if the worst amongst the best.Horus Commited Heresy in Millennium 31 and the emperor is almost dead , kept Alive by large amounts if life support and far beyond possible revival.Times have changed , but the imperium remains strong.Also , tell me your Name please

>>48353486
Uhh...
Ehhh...
...Aha! Haven't you heard about the heresy of Primarch Lorgar of the Word Bearers?

>>48353534
Dammit! This guy is not gonna be happy to hear that his Primarch committed Heresy.

>>48353572
Brother, tell him that Lorgar and his legion killed the Luna Wolves, lie to him.
And this is not even a full lie, it's a truth, metaphorically speaking

>>48353593
Just push him back into the Portal Captain

>>48353646
Ook ok ook eek!
(Tear his arms off!)

>>48353665
What.The.Fuck.
>I decide to walk a little closer to the marine and pull his helmet off , then stick my hand over his face to make him blind as i scream into the Vox for the apothecary to teleport here and bring sedation

>>48353753
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo
One of the Ecclisiarchs is a Jokaero.

>>48353773
>OOC
One of them has a bucket on his head too!

I'm ashamed I didn't notice the Jokearo in the video when i saw it when it came out

>>48353797
>OOK
I'm honestly surprised you missed the bit where he said they should peel Deicus's skin off and eat it.

>>48353810
Would you mind helping me steal this guys tech?

>>48353835
Sure, why not.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>48353857
Okay , he has
>1-5 nothing we dont also have
>6-10 2d3 of equipment
>11-14 pre-heresy archeotech
>15-18 valuable knowledge
>19-20 a holy relic

File: redchickens.png (37KB, 510x546px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 510x546px

>>48353835
>>48353857
I swear I have already seen something like this happen

>>48353892
That's handy.

>>48353897
Oh Boy , the bloody Magpies

>Yawns

What an excellent post-teleport nap! How goes it my brothers? Is Bastie acting strangely again?

>Looks at the scene of Xenos corpses, warp fuckery and LUNA WOLVES in the background

What in the name of the Emperor is going on here!?! Who needs help my brothers, and why does everyone have new and amazing gear? I want new and amazing gear! And the harem of Adeptas Sororitas I was promised.

>>48354290
Well , check the old thread for the equipment people discovered and send them requests to receive it
Also , I'd give you an eviscerator if you want one
And the story of this is: We went looting inside Bastie when Chaplain Notan lost his Crozius and on our search for it , we discovered some N****** and eldar , which lead us to this warp portal and the Luna Wolves, whose "knowledge" was already "borrowed" by us(Blod Rehvans Steel Rehn/Indrick Boreale style)

>>48354290
Also , congrats on your sainthood chapter master!

>>48354290
Greetings our holiest Chapter Master! We were searching our most pathetic fortress for relics of the past! Sadly, I lost my shiny new crozius, but our Battle-Brothers decided to help me! We haven't found the crozius yet, but instead we've found...
uhh...
...a pre-heresy marine of Luna Wolves.

By the way, I've found some digital weapons! Are you interested in jewelry, brother?

Rolled 1 (1d5)

>>48354358
Thank you my brother! Now I must go and acquire more weapons for the war to come!

>Tau Heavy Rail Rifle

>Terminators Only. 60", S 8, AP 1, Heavy 1

>Additional Traits: Precision Shot / Strike, Force

>Power Lance

>Additional Traits: Gauss, Quickened (+1 A), Unrefined (-1 S)

>Relic Blade

>Additional Traits: Timewarp (+1 I)

>Programmable Tau Drones

>Two drones join one model and form a unit. Roll a d5 once to determine type for both: 1 - Gun Drone, 2 - Marker Drone, 3 - Shield Drone, 4 - Missile Drone, 5 - Sniper Drone

>Power Axe

>Additional Traits: Instant Death, Force, Soulrazor (Ld test for each Wound or be removed from play)

My brothers! I have found new artifacts to bring into battle! Including heretical drones!

File: HERESY!!!!!.gif (234KB, 550x400px) Image search: [Google]

234KB, 550x400px

>>48354419

>>48354396
Hmm, allow me to help you on this quest to recover your holy Crozius my brother! And jewelry is always nice, I thank you! Come my new pets (Tau gun drones), to adventure!

>>48354450
Chapter Master , may I follow you and the Chaplian on your Quest?

>>48354450
Greetings glorious Saint Chapter Master!

>>48354450
>OOC

Also, do I get Terminator Armor now? I feel like I should, but I don't want to make myself any more ridiculously powerful.

>>48354469
Of course my brother!

>>48354476
Greeting to you Brother-Sergeant!

>>48354485
well then , we shall pathetically cleanse our fortress of xenos scum and the SERIOUS WARP FUCKERY that's happening on it.Perhaps we will find Terminator Armor to give to you!

>>48354485
Ook.
>Salutes with a foot.

>>48354523
Perhaps my brother, perhaps. Now where is that Luna Wolf, we must talk him down before he has a fit of Heresy inside of Bastie!

>>48354537
>Returns salute, but with hand

Greetings Master of Sanctity, how goes morale?

>>48354485
Is it time to kill things? Also did we feed Bastie yet?

Ugh.

Brothers, I have woken! The apothecary's did a wonderful job. Do we still fight for the crozius?

>>48354547
Hes currently strangling to survive after i pathetically strangled him and stole his shite

>>48354558
Ok-ok. Ook-okk ook ok ok Okk-ok Ook Ook Ookk...ook.
(Things are so-so right now, though explaining the current state of the Lunar Wolves to our new friend here may be slightly...difficult.)

>>48354575
I believe it is my brother!

>OOC

I'm pretty sure we did, scheduling that whole event was kind of a mess. I'm just playing like we fed the Shard, the tomb, and the Eldar wreckage to Bastie, and then went off back to the Warp for hijinks.

>>48354598
Indeed, that will be a tricky conversation.

Look brothers, I found this nice stick while chasing this N***** guy to death !
>Walks towards his bike
Arf, traitors be cursed, I was pretty sure it was here, it looked just like yours, brother chaplain, I must have dropped here somewhere nearby...

>>48354611
Well , there's nothing to kill here though......
Warp Jump?

>>48354644
Hit it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SoXxnlCUqk

>>48354658
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NaUmHF5blE
Ook!

>>48354478
Sir, from experience having terminator armour does not make you overpowered, you just one bad Gauss Flamer shot away from the apothecary. Take up the armour fitting your most pathetic standing and serve your wrath to the enemy.

>>48354587
Nice to see you again brother! We haven't touched your mighty Gauss Flamer, so don't worry, it's in great condition.

>>48354631
Are you sure? Did it had a small winged skeleton on top?

>>48354611
>OOC
Did we found out to which C'tan the shard belonged to? If not, should we do it now?

>>48354710
>OOC

That'd probably be a good idea. So how should we do this? Random roll?

>>48354710
It did ! It was so cool, and shiny, and it looked real good ! Too bad I lost it, I think you would've loved it. I found it right next to the ventilation exit my powerfist crushed, in the corridor... But it mustn't be too far away !

>>48354723
>OOK
Sure why not, might I suggest a d8?

Rolled 118 (1d666)

>>48354611
I'M GONNA ACTIVATE THE WARP ENGINES

I NEED THINGS TO VAPORIZE

File: WarpJump.gif (3MB, 488x275px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 488x275px

>>48354723
Chapter Master , it's happening

>>48354631
>>48354710
>Jogs into the room Lascannon held in a new, mechanical left arm and a Crozius in his right hand.

Did it look like this? Sorry I am late, my armour was being adapted to function with my new arm.

>>48354734
Oh, that's a shame, Brother-Captain, but not all hope is lost!

>>48354741
>OOC
Go ahead!

Rolled 1 (1d8)

>>48354741
Alright, lets see who Basties new best friend is!

1>Nightbringer

2>Deceiver

3>The Void Dragon

4>Outsider

5>Burning One

6>Endless Swarm

7>Flayer

8>Worldmaker

>>48354743
>>48354782
>>48354792

Chapter Master, Bastie spot out these numbers when we hit the warp button. What does this mean?

>>48354782
>>48354792


Well than, roll a d2? You being one, me being two?

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>48354812

>>48354819
>OOK
Hmmm, a Shard of Worldmaker, interesting.

>>48354755
Thank Emperor! That is my beatiful Crozius, yes!
Somebody give this guy a reward, he deserves it!
>Chaplain donates one of his digital weapons to the Captain.

>>48354831
>OOC

Yeah, that guy was kind of a dick, but not that big of one. Good thing I read the Astral Knights novel recently.

>>48354812
where did the warp Jump take us?

1>The Skull Throne of Khorne

2>Random laocation in the warp

3>right next to an ork rok

4>same location ump in time

5>orbit of cadia

6>collision course with tyranid hive fleet

I'll leave the Rolling to the Chapter Master or any higher brother for that matter

>>48354850
>OOK
I mean, as long as he doesn't try and turn Bastie into a new body for himself, we should be fine.

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>48354864
Let's find out!

>>48354866
>OOC
I bet he couldn't even if he tried, Bastie is too much of a tough girl to be shaped by a glorified Pokemon

>>48354885
Skull Throne
Holy Emprah on Terrah save our pathetic asses!

>>48354885
...Whoops.

>>48354885
You have led us to one of the four! Everyone Look for equipment quickly, i fear we can do nothing in our present strength!

>>48354885
Chapter Master, pardon my intrusion, but...
>looks at all the ''BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD'' going on outside
..may I suggest we jump away, again?

>>48354903
>Holy Emprah on Terrah save our pathetic asses!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FPELc1wEvk

>>48354920
And by that i of course mean "search" in very enclosed and safe areas with alot of guns.

Yes ! I am pleased it pleases you, brother chaplain !
What's all this noise ? And why is it raining blood ? AND WHO IS THIS GUY ON THE BIG BADASS SKULL THRONE ?

>>48354885
And now the question is, who sits upon the Throne? Khorne... or Cinder?

>>48354945
Well fellow brethren , it seems we're boned
Altough , we could drop some sort of beacon here to return and fight khorne himself when we increase in strength

>>48354962
Also, it my be prudent to GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!

>>48354931
>See attached link

>>48354931
>I imagine the Company Captains together with the Chapter Master as badass space marines
>I see the video
>Now I imagine the aforementioned group of people as the cast of this film

I wouldn't be surprised if our successor chapter would be the Comiacal Marines

>>48354984
it's OOC obviously
Comical*

Rolled 347 (1d666)

>>48354983
FIRING WARP ENGINES

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>48354962
1-Khorne
2-Cinder

>>48354997
same chart to choose loaction , okay?

Rolled 2 (1d6)

>>48354864
>>48355002

>>48355011
apparently the warp doesnt let go of us
Lets jump in a PatheticHawk and Kill some shit(and die ourselves probably)

>>48354999
Oh well

>>48355021
Hey, can you hear that?
It's daemons! They are screaming!
Wait, is that...that is!
Daemons have boarded the barracks of the 3rd Company!

Segeant, quick, grab the astartes-pattern pop-corns and follow me!

>Heavy metal music is heard in the distance

>>48355021
I shall lead the vessel ! Who will be my crew ? We need someone to drive, someone to advise the driver, someone to advise the advisor and someone to advise the advisor of the advisor !

>>48355051
oh boy what a sight to behold
daemons and the fleshbanes


Time for some serious RIPPING AND TEARING

>>48355021
>>48355053
>The driver, someone to advise the driver, someone to advise the advisor and someone to advise the advisor of the advisor in the Pathetichawk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09m0B8RRiEE

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>48355089
I'll just vaporize them. Rolling to vaporize a demon

>>48355097
RIP AND TEAR , I'll do my best to advise someone

>>48355135
>You vaporized the daemon so much, some of the ones around blew up too!

>>48355135
Ouch.

>>48355053
What a great idea!
Void Whale Hunting Season is now open, fellas!

Rolled 1 (1d5)

>>48355135
WELL THERE GOES THE DEMON. I VAPORIZED IT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY DIED. ROLLING FOR DEMON TYPE

1-Khorne
2-Nurgle
3-Tzeetch
4Slaneesh
5- Minor

>>48355097
Brothers! This is not a fight we can survive, what is the status of the Warp engines?

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>48355170
Nonsense! We just need more fire. Rolling to kill more demons

>>48355170
Engine 1 is ready.
Engine 2 is covered in grey paint.
Engine 3 is making strange noises.
Engine 4 is arguing with the techmarines.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>48355197
Very well, tell me when we can jump back to realspace! In the meantime... I have new Wargear to break in! OPEN FIRE!

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>48355227
I will continue to keep Demons away from you, Glorious Leader!

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>48355244
>Puts on the Gauntlet.
EEK!

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>48355227
Oh, I haven't looked for new wargear for quite some time! Lemme see...

>>48355197
are you sure engine 3 is an actual engine

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>48355253
SWITCHING TO GRAVCANNON! DIE KHIRNATE DAEMONS!

>>48355280
That's right Carlos, it could have been replaced by an Ork in a box making "brum-brum" noises for all we know.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>48355280
In all fairness, it most likely isn't, not by our understanding anyway. Keep up the fire until we can make our escape brothers!

>>48355300
it probably is.......

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>>48355274
Meh. Another cardboard box.

>>48355300
>>48355307
By the way, where is brother Lead-Throwa?
Just asking.

>>48355303
FEAR ME DAEMON FILTH! I AM THE HARBINGER OF YOUR ANNIHILATION!

>Opens fire with Heavy Bolter, Heavy Rail Rifle, and Gun Drones all at once

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>48355303
HUZZAH! MORE PATHETIC GLORY FOR THE CHAPTER MASTER!

Rolled 13, 17 = 30 (2d20)

>>48355227
KILL THEM ALL!

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>48355328
>>48355331
EEK! OOK!

Rolled 1, 7, 10 = 18 (3d20)

>>48355351
Waitaminute i had a combi Bolter at last check!
ah here it is!
I stand with you Chapter Master.

Rolled 5, 12 = 17 (2d20)

>>48355323

>1.Heavy Flamer
>Additional Traits: Blind, Concussive

>2.Necron Tesseract Labyrinth

>3.Grav-Amp

>>48355303
I BANISH YOU, FOUL CREATURES OF WARP!

>Having joke awoken from a nap. The number that company Captain looks about the area. A stale look upon his face.

Alright... what in the warp have you pathetic excuses for proper Marines up to? And why do I get the feeling it's utterly stupid...

Rolled 19, 8 = 27 (2d20)

>>48355358
>Pulls out his melee weapon and begins clobbering skulls, blasting demons and eating bananas.
OOK OK OOK EEK!

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>48355358
>Swings Relic Sword

>>48355386
COMBI BOLTER DESTROYED! HOW ARE THE ENGINES BROTHERS?
>OOC
that was my second 1 but at least im not nearly dead this time

Rolled 10, 3 = 13 (2d20)

>>48355423

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>48355402
Wait, I still have some of these digital weapons.
It's time to try them out, then!

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>48355434
>Looses Grip of Relic sword and accidentaly sends it flying , it hits a wall
>Draws Bolt Pistol

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>48355412
Good to have you here my brother! We are currently in Khorne section of the Warp, fighting daemons. So that's about what's happening right now.

>>48355462
>Double Headshot! Instant Kill

>>48355422
>>48355431
>>48355402
>The ninth company Captain were to take one look upon the room before letting out a loud sigh.

Why did you have to give me that vision oh holy Emperor...? Have I not been faithful to you all my life?

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>48355449
Hmm... I think they're broken.
It could've been worse. Alright, since I'm out of weapons...
>Looks at Crozius
...or not?

>>48355472
Now THAT'S our Chapter Master!

Rolled 14, 15, 17 = 46 (3d20)

>>48355449
>Sighs and knuckles over to help the Sargent calibrate the digital weapons, while blowing up demons.

1: Gauntlet

2: Melee Weapon.

3; Knuckling over.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

We need more weapons!
>Rummages through the reliquary

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>throws stick through air lock at Khorne

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>48355512
What is the engine status? We need to go!

Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>48355528
MORE DAEMONS? What foul spawn invades our reliquary

>>48355527
I think you just pissed him off!

>>48355512
Engines. Leave. NOW!

>>48355499
My thanks to you, Blessed Master of Sanctity!
I start to think these are just normal rings, actually.

>>48355512
Oh my. I think there are daemons in the reliquary.

Rolled 19, 9 = 28 (2d20)

>>48355528
No Idea, but I'm gonna shoot some more Daemons!

Hey, Bastie, could you please get us back home?

First roll is attack, second is getting Bastie to go.

>grabs new stick from convenient hole in wall
I shall go on a boarding party to steal stuff from the God Khorne
>jumps out airlock

>>48355581
Fairwell you silly bugger.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>48355538
Flamers in the reliquary!
>Grabs first Weapon to hand and fires

>Cyclone Missile Launcher

>Additional Traits: Extended Barrel (+6" Range), Poisoned

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>48355581
Well... he's dead.

Avenge our unnamed brother my brothers!

>>48355581
>Retrieves Sword and follows you

>>48355595
>OOC
id say thats enough to kill me outright, if not the flamers will get me. When the fight is over if i still cling to this world intern me!

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>48355613
>Sticks out an arm like an iron bar so that the Sargent runs into it.

>>48355607
W-...Was he really worth avenging? I mean he jumped out the Airlock and into Khorne personal dimension...

>>48355630
>in the faint distance yelling can be heard...
I WILL BE FINE

>>48355528
>Engine 1 is ready.
>Engine 2 is covered in grey paint and blood.
>Engine 3 is screaming "Waaagh!" at the top of its lungs.
>Engine 4 is drinking oil margaritas and singing with the techmarines.

>>48355654
What next, is Engine 4 going to get married or something?

>>48355654
Well we really need to get engine 2 clean before we can leave.

Allright brothers ! The Pathetichawk is ready to go, BROTHER REDSHIRT WITH A STICK, FIRE THOSE ENGINES, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN HONOR GUARD !
>Points at the driver seat, powerfist detaches and crushes it

>>48355681
Not so fast you small off duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden! Patheticnaught, Stop them from leaving the hangar!

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>48355681
Brother, that is a terrible and Pathetic idea! While I completely agree with the sentiment, but we cannot control when we leave! I don't want you to get left behind brother!

>>48355681
>more faint yelling
I CAN'T SIR I JUMPED OUT AN AIRLOCK

>>48355717
>Stands back up from running into Jokearos arm and shakes head saying "What in the emperors name was i thinking?"
>Proceeds to Grab a broken Combi-Bolter and keep it for fixing
>Runs over to PatheticHawk

a little help please i don't know how I've survived so long but they seem scared of the bastion am battling my way to the throne now

have to go for food now just go on without me i will find my own way back

>>48355841
Aaaaaaaaand he died
Also, when does the pathetichawk take off?

FINE, I WILL DO IT BY MYSELF THEN !
>drags the few astartes passing by the ship inside it and proceeds to fire the engines

>OOC
Roll for our fate !
1- crashes in a horde of demons
2- crashes in a pool of blood
3- the Pathetichawk has landed !
4-6 fail to leave the hulk
7- engines stop and the hawk is floating aside the hulk, demons appear
8- crash at the feet of khorne

Rolled 5 (1d8)

>>48355949

>>48355949
food canceled hooked on this thread

Rolled 7 (1d8)

>>48355949

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>48355996
>>48356012

>1 Bastie doesn't let you.
>2:You get fucked by demons.

Rolled 174 (1d666)

>>48356040
Well...you're doomed.

Time to leave methinks.

Rolled 582 (1d666)

>>48356055
I shall lend you my spirit Brother!

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>48356040
BASTIE I NEED HELP LET THEM GO!
rolling for persuasion

>>48356072
well you're never leaving
>waves to the bastion as it warps out

>>48356072
Well... fuck

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>48356055
Does pathetic Jump from PatheticHawk to Bastie Hull
1-10 Manages to do the Jump
11-20 Drops onto lower deck

>>48356097
you need to roll high for it to work...and you flubbed.

And going by the fact that our rolls are higher than yours...bye!

>>48356130
bye
>continues waving

I'd like to point out that there was Luna WOLVES not Luna wolf coming out if the warp portal, they uh currently have me blindfolded and pinned down and really want to know what's going on. I think there is 4 of them
>Hey don't touch my shiny new grav gun!
>shut up, what the hell is going on here and how are any if you useless pukes still alive?
>THE ENEMIES BEST IS EMPERORS WORST!
>keep hitting until he gets knocked unconscious, first find out this Vox channel we need to negotiate with someone more... intelligent
>BROTHERS 2 OF THEM HAVE VOLKITE GUNS DO WHAT EVER YOU CAN TO GET T-
>that'll shut him up

>>48356267
And the situation deteriorates. Worry not brother, we shall come to your aid as soon as we leave Khorne's realm!

Brothers, I have returned! What can I do to aid you?

So uh, what happened with the n******?

>>48356287
>Starts bike, rushes through the vent towards the ground and his honor guard with the red shirt.
>Hits a pool of blood, but somehow manages to get out. Full throttle to Brother Redshirt's rescue !

Quick, get on the bike ! What were you up to anyways ?

>>48356335
>gets on bag
i was stealing all the cool swag

>>48356355
AUTOCORRECT!!!!

Brothers, might I suggest that we leave this plain with all haste, there are deamons infesting The Bastion and the seen to be making their way to the engine room. I fear I might not be able to hold them off for very long on my own.

>>48356287
Have i yet been interred in a dreadnought chapter master? and if so what kind

>>48356405
i think you shall be interred into a pathetic pattern dreadnought but if you are lucky you may be a ducktapenaught

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>48356390
All Pathetic Marines! Hold the daemons off for a bit longer, we will be leaving the Warp momentarily!

Rolled 8, 12, 9 = 29 (3d20)

>>48356446
By Your will, I shall let none pass me
>Lifts Lascannon and fires 3 shots down the hallway at the advancing Deamons.

>>48356355
Fine brother, we'll look at the pathetic shit you recovered when we'll be on board, now THROW THE HOLY PATHETICNADE OF ANTIO'CH ! The notice is attached to it !

>notice reads "And St.Attila raised the patheticnade up on high, saying: "O Emprah, bless this thy patheticnade that it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Emprah did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and khorne flakes and fruit nightlords and [unreadable part] And the Emprah spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the pathetic pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shall count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the nubmer three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou the patheticnade of Anti'och towards thy foe, wo, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Amen.

>OOC
I was watching the film, and typed it all by hand. Patheticness inside.

>>48356546
oh Monty python how I've missed you

>>48356546
Right!
>Pulls the pin.
One! Two! Five!

>>48356581
Three sir

>>48356581
Brothers , I was off climbing from the Hull back into the ship.What happened?

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>48356595
THREE!
>lobs it a Khorne.

>>48356600
well a python called Monty came and much laughter was had

>>48356607
Well that failed...let's leave before anyone realizes what happened!

>>48356607
>Khorne fucking rages, right in front of your pathetic visage

>>48356600
Daemons got in I think this sister of battle has been bringing me some great beer but it has a horrible after taste, the sister seems to be getting annoyed at something or I am just drunk

>Patheticnade explodes, throwing the bike towards the Pathetichawk, embedded in the debarkment exit.
>Goes back all the way to the hulk

Well, Brother Redshirt, what is is that you found down there ?

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>Throws stick at Khorne

Rolled 19, 17, 13 = 49 (3d20)

>>48356485
>Of the three shots that are launched, only one lands a killing blow, the other two mealy wound the advancing deamons.

Requesting support at the engine room, these creatures do not seem to be slowing their attack.

>>48356635
Also, let's get away, Pathetic marines leaping away from ponds of blood are no material for a safe journey.

>>48356640
How did you do that?

>>48356665
do what?

>>48356640
You hit Khorne in the eye and he just yells "GIVE ME BLOOD GIVE ME SKULLS"
He then sits down and more daemons rush you

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>48356674
>throws demon skull

>>48356673
Post greentext that wasn't green.

>>48356673
he means the dice rolling
Also Penal regiment is up in-case you guys want to do that crossover
>>48356484

>>48356662
And suddenly , engine 3 bursts into a squad of Orks Boyz and A NOB , all screaming "WAAAGH!!" At the top of their lungs at the advancing Daemons and Not-that-Surprised Space Marines

>>48356662
FER NOT BROTHER I SHUAL ARUVE TO YOUR AID
> stumbles towards the engines at a painfully slow pace

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>48356690
I REQUIRE WEAPONRY.

>>48356688
Lets bloody do it!Open a crossover thread , lets show these decaffeinated Heretics some real patheticness

Rolled 352 (1d666)

>>48356690
Well that's just torn it.

LET'S GET THE SMEG OUT OF HERE!

going for food

>>48356716
Okay I rolled to see if we were able to leave yet, did I roll high enough?

Rolled 2, 3 = 5 (2d3)

>>48356714

>>48356740
>Locator Beacon

>Plasma pistol

>Additional Traits: Fleshbane

>Multi-melta

>Additional Traits: Blunted Range (-6" Range)

>Shotgun

>Additional Traits: Torrent (Non-flamer weapons add 12" to their range)

>Teleport Homer

YES. I LIVE IN DEATH AS FURY

>OOC
>>48356717
i'd say its enough to get us to cadia

>hangs far back
>in a dark cleft in a rocky bluff
>observing the spectacular show of incompetence
>pulls the urban camo cloak up
>checks dataslate to ensure dispatches are in order
>-][- icon flashes as screen closes

>>48356769
Okay Bastie, take us out of here.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>48356662
>This time all three shots slay their targets, with two of them piercing their mark, killing 3 of the daemons behind them.

>>48356690
OH COME ON
>Fires one more shot at the Deamons before turning around and repositioning, giving the Orks and Deamons full view of each other.

>>48356697
Thank you brother, your assistance shall be greatly appreciated.

>>48356855
Good shot sir!

Rolled 2 (1d3)

hopefully this works

>>48356803
>We emerge into realspace above a planet that is clearly NOT Cadia.

Well that could have been a hell of a lot worse, at least we aren't inside a sun.

>>48356939

Great, I really hope they aren't going somewhere that'll make it hard for my objective...

>activates personal teleporter, following their vector

I have arrived in the engines and shall begin purging
> fires blindly into a loud clatter of footsteps with his blunted shotgun to use its precise firing capabilities to take out their squad leader wherever it may be
I am unaware of the success of my shot but it sounds as if it hit something!

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>48357131
>ooc
forgot to roll that explain a bit really

>>48356855
>Shot kills several deamons, but before another one van be lined up, the Orks charge the them and the two factions become locked in a brutal melee.

Well, that should take care of itself mostly.

>>48356885
Thank you Brother. Stay here and kill whoever wins. I'm going exploring.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>48357131
I SHALL AID YOU BROTHER. FIRING PLASMA PISTOL.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>48357131
I'll come with you brother! Someone find out where we are while I purge the Greenskins from the engine room!

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>48357199
FIRING MULTIMELTA.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>48357211
OOK!

>>48357211
FIRING SHOTGUN.

File: fisted.png (2KB, 304x75px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 304x75px

>roll item
>get this

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>48357227

>>48357227
Roll ya silly bugger!

>>48357264
>>48357254
Ah you stupid sod.

>>48357254
SHOTGUN DAMAGED. DAEMONS FLEEING. GIVING CHASE.

BRETHREN! AFTER ENGINE 1s ACTIVATION , a Surprise warp Jump has occured , leading us to yet another Random Place.

>>48356484 crossover thread

>>48357307
I stumble to the crossover thread!

>>48357307
Ook

>>48357323
yes brother, do that! Also , bahtul bruvas , follow me to pathetic glory in hilarious penal(penis XDDDDDDDDDDDD) regiment/Pathetic Marines crossover thread!

>>48357337
Ooooooooo...

So what exactly is going on atm?

>>48358058
WE ARE MESSING WITH THE INQUISITION IN THE CROSSOVER THREAD CAPTAIN, JOIN US. ALSO I WAS SHORN OF MY TERMINATOR ARMOUR BY A BOTCH JOB WITH A CYCLONE MISSILE SALVO.

>>48358058
We're on the Penal Guard Thread for a crossover :)

>>48358194
and now , some of us have returned after our prisoners might just have freed themselves...

Onwards!

>>48359009
Someone get me a status report on those Luna Wolves! They have VOLKITE WEAPONS for fucks sake!

>Gets out of the boarding ship, full throttle to the engines room
TO ME MY BROTHERS ! NONE MORE PATHETIC !

>>48359050
they've breached the hangar they were originally trapped in , but haven't gotten far out , they should still be somewhere close

>>48359050
My Vox appears to have still been working, they don't quite know I'm talking and still haven't figured out how to get into our Vox channel, we really need those volkite weapons brothers, if I didn't have a marine with one of them to the back of my head I would try something

>>48359054
>follows

Rolled 19, 7 = 26 (2d20)

>>48359050
THEY ARE IN THE WEAPONS BAY! ATTEMPTING TO FORCE A RETREAT.

>>48359076
yes , report brother , where are you ?

>>48359072
I can help! From a distance...

>>48359092
Un I don't know one of them is a tech priests and is carrying me somewhere, still mostly blindfolded

>>48359076
Brothers! Trace that signal and find the Wolves! Try to talk them down if you can, but we cannot know if their loyalty is the Horus or the Emperor! Be on your guard!

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>48359093
>"I'll search for transportation or better weapons , just give me a minute"

>1-3 two bikes
>4 attack bike
>5-6 equipment stash

>Impacts the first Luna Wolf he finds, points at another, that dies from the subsaquent encounter between his face and a powerfist.
Well, let's find the others, any insight, Brother Sargent Redshirt ?

>>48359093
brother , we both have ourselves some shiny new bikes to rush those bastards!

>>48359126
yay bikes!

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>48359136
>drives bike headfirst into one

>>48359085
>>48359136
3 HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED, 2 FLEEING ON FOOT TOWARDS THE ARMOURY

>>48359123
Talking failed, Master, I once again was pathetically frenetic and it seems that two of them encountered a premature end.

Rolled 5 (1d5)

>so Luna wolves where do you plan on going?
>the fool is still talking shut him up
>wait those metal men that glow are back, kill the xenos. FOR THE EMPEROR AND THE WAR MASTER
>NOOOOOOOOOOO
>1 the tech priests breaks my arms while I struggle to get away
>2-3 I don't get away
>4 I get away and get clocked and knocked out
>5 I get away and start running

>>48359158
>luna wolf gets knocked back , but gets up immediately

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>48359162
I chase on bike, and swing with my rifle

>>48359136
Well they might view Bastie as an abomination and so have gone to the engine corridor to shut it down or they may be going for the c'tan shard or they may be tracing warp signature and go to the quite large shrine to the chaos gods undivided down the hallway in the big chamber

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>48359168
Very well. Kill them and aquire their Archeo-tech weapons for the Chapter! I will attempt to join you!

>>48359171
Here, brother, get on the bike !

>>48359171
CAPTAIN, WHERE ARE YOU? MY NEW BODY PROVIDES EVEN BETTER PROTECTION FROM PROJECTILES.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>48359198
>1 my PTSD kicks in and I fall on my knees
>2 I partially overcome fear and get on the bike

>>48359189
Arf, lead the way, I follow you with Brother Notan !

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>48359202
>swings Relic Blade at luna wolf while still on bike

>>48359197
>And the Chapter Master accidentally runs into the Webway Gate, teleporting him to the other side of Bastie!

Warp fuckery dammit all! I will join you when I can my brothers, but it may take awhile.

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>48359215
1-I get you sitting on the bike
2-I drag you by your foot
3-I try to reason with you

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>48359224
swing with my rifle from bike again

>>48359224
>swings randomly
>fucking clean decapitation with only little damage done to his suits collar

>"such a nice blade , such a pathetic wielder"

>>48359217
Well let's check the engine room first then the shrine then the shard

>>48359238
Now, let's rush, Brother Redshirt might be encountering our foes already !

>>48359255
captain , they're all dead, i just killed the last one......

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>48359254
Rolling for your encounter in engines room

Rolled 17, 7 = 24 (2d20)

>>48359224
>>48359215
....
**RUN SYSTEM ANALYSIS**

LOCOMOTIVE SYSTEMS: ONLINE
WEAPONS SYSTEMS: OPERATIONAL
OPERATING COMBAT PROTOCOL: NONE FOUND


RUNNING PROGRAM: CRUSADE.
**SYSTEM REBOOTED**

purge...enemy,,,rip...split...blood....TRAITORS!!
KILL THEM ALL!!

>>48359278
welp , seems like more niggrons
shite

>>48359308
PROCEEDING TO SECURE THE SHARD, SERGEANT CARLOS WITH ME!

>>48359308
>NONE FOUND
>FUCKING KEK