Other than the kelpie, what fantasy creature is the biggest asshole?

>>48340055
Powries are pretty big assholes.

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>>48340055
Humans

>>48340055
define "asshole" just so I am clear what specific 'flavor' of douche-baggery you are looking for.

>>48340055
Kender

>>48340055
theres probably a japanese mythological creature that's a literal asshole isnt there

>>48340055
Nukalavee.

Red Man of Cairn

Dryads

Red Caps

Basically if it came from the land of the Faeries you better not be without iron. Except with the Red Caps. Then you better run fast because iron doesn't work.

Rust monsters.

You know I'm right!

>>48340055
Sirens
Demons

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>>48340055

The Astrosphinx is a huge douche.

>tfw you one-shotted him

>>48340055
Kelpies are super cute tho

Satyrs be climbing in your Windows he's snatching your womyn up.

Possibly the shadowcat. But you never see 'em.

>>48340055
Technically, that would be the dire awakened anus.

>>48340055
The kumiho.
It's like a kitsune in that it has adorable fox ears and fluffy tail, only instead of being waifu, it rips out your liver and eats it.

>>48340265
Actually, it would be better to pack a handgun with you when you have red caps, they can't be outrunned.

>>48342155
If you touch a kelpie, you're stuck to it harder than a pair of super-glued fingers and it drags you into the water, to eat you after you drown if you're luck, while you drown if you're not.

They. Are. Not. Cute.

>>48343654
What if something touches it and is stronger than the kelpie? Can they beat the kelpie to death, or is the kelpie just going to stick to them until one of them dies?

>>48343687
At that point, yes. It essentially becomes an endurance competition between Kelpie and whoever the poor sap is stuck to them. And yes, by nature of where you find the Kelpie, they have the advantage.

>>48340055
Kappa.
Or the Baba Yaga
Admittedly, having called her/them an asshole/s, my life expectancy has dropped dramatically now.

>>48343738
Is the Baba Yaga that bad? I recall her being helpful sometimes.

>>48340137
Lamias.

>>48340055
TURNS OUT IT'S MAN

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>>48340055
Dwarves

>>48343852
>All those facial piercings
Vomitingfratbroguy.jpg

>>48343775
Yeah, when threatened by bogatyr that actually can kick her ass Baba Yaga will cooperate to save her old rotten hide.

>>48343885
To be honest family piercings are my fetish

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>>48340055
Kappa.
They'll prolapse yours with a yank of their thumb and eat your dangling pooper-parts.

>>48343899
Hey, I don't talk shit about your grandma.

>>48340055
Djinn.

>>48340770
> Questions are nonsensical
> Answer with a nonsensical answer

> Thread starts with an actual riddle
> Someone replies with a logical answer

Uh...

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>>48343926
djinn are only asses to the people who hold them captive, which admittedly is most of the people who ever meet them

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>>48343733
but if you were strong enough and had something sturdy to hold on to like a tree or whatever then you could pull it out of the water and fuck it

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>>48344422
Put it in the Kelpie Clutch
Break its back
Fuck it in the ass
Make it humble

>>48340265

Okay, hold up. I have read a decent amount of fairy lore, and I have never, ever seen any reference to the Red Man of Cairn outside of /tg/. I need a source.

>>48344509
>The Iron Sidhe

>>48340178
well there's one whose defining feature is that it;s a person with an eyeball in its asshole, so you're kind of right

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>>48340178
There's one in Yo-Kai Watch.

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>>48344422
wait would my dick get stuck inside of the kelpies vagina

would i go the way of the angler fish

>>48340055
Gremlins.

They exist to fuck your shit up.

>>48340055
Fairies are pretty dickish even when they don't try to be. ESPECIALLY when they don't try to be.

>>48343654
What i want to know is what would happen if you wore gloves/oven mitts. Would you get dragged down or would it just take the oven mitts and fuck off. If it can't get past fabric could you just get a bunch of people together to cover it in a couple blankets and beat it down?

>>48345443
What Would happen if you wore a condom?

>>48343572
What if that's my fetish?

>>48344509
Crazy Hassan's animal-loving uncle

>>48343919
>family piercings are my fetish

Uhhh, that's a new one. And this is coming from a guy who visits /d/.

>>48347686
Seriously? It's really not that uncommon

Will o the wisp are the human equivalent of a bug lamp.

Most Witches are gamma-to-omega level reality warpers who use their god-like powers almost strictly to eat children for the lulz.

Monsters who, if you do not meet wierd-ass requirements, kill you. Being a child, solving a riddle, never looming directly at them, etc.

But cruelty bordering on idiocy has to go to the Greek Gods. You so much as thought "I wanna be as good as [god] at [their thing]" and everyone who ever knew you suffered for eternity. Oh, and artemis killed a nigga for accidentally seeing her in the bath. First anime-protag-sees-girl-in-bathroom moment in history. Complete with "kyaaa" and violent overreaction

Rumplestiltskin

>>48343572

I don't know man, "and then it eats you" is a pretty common endgame for mythological creatures.

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>>48340055
Lobstrosities.

>>48340055
Mimics.

>>48340055
They're all assholes.

>>48343852
source?

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>>48340055
>kelpie
DELET THIS

>>48340055
Do "the gods" count as a fantasy creature? Because those guys are dicks.

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>>48345328
What the fuck, why is this gaining traction as a thing

>>48344865
I can offer no source other than my grandmother.

>>48350272
If you're going with Dark Tower monsters there's way worse stuff than Lobstrosities, all they want to do is eat you. The vampires always play mind games with you and try to terrify and traumatize you before they drink your blood, and then there's the creatures like Pennywise or Dandelo.

>>48340055
fucking mind flayers

>>48351222
Nice digits.
All gods are fantasy creatures. *tips fedora*

>>48351768
*kisses naked man on a cross*

>>48350170
Posing as best waifu isn't, though.

>>48351446
>Pennywise
Would be scary if it wasn't also massively stupid and relied on everyone else being stupider.

>>48343885
>implying she has a lot of piercings

>>48351146
Bitch your kelpie 'friend' tried to kill you! Don't act like you know as much as you make out! You're a great CHEF, not a fucking ranger!

>>48349634
>>48347686
Good ol' linguistic ambiguity. #ThanksEnglish

>>48343572
That's actually what kitsune are in China and most folklore of Japan too as a point of fact, evil fox spirits.
After the roughly mid-1500's worship of the Shinto deity Inari got really popular however, and she is associated with foxes, so there were "good" foxes called "inarikitsu" that were her servants or something and less evil.
Gradually this "mischievous but not malicious" thing blended into the rest of Japanese folklore and kitsune in general became a "good or evil" type thing rather then a purely negative force.
China and Korea never had any worship of Inari at all so fox spirits basically never got away from the whole "always evil tricksters" thing mythologically speaking.

>>48351446
>Did-a-chick?
>Dad-a-chum?
>Did-a-chee?

>>48343687
>>48343733
>>48344422
>Super strong adventurer with barely any understanding about monsters, just sort of muscles through it all
>Meets a Kelpie
>Pets it
>Kelpie attempts to drag the adventurer into the water since it's stuck
>The guy doesn't even fucking budge, and just thinks the Kelpie is a cutie
>He pulls the Kelpie out of the water and takes it with him as a pet
>Kelpie is stuck

>>48352968
>he makes the kelpie live in his bathtub
>he feeds it carrots and apples

>>48344068
The die roll is the important part, famalan.>>48344068

>>48351446
>not the things that live in the dark between dimensions
Tbf, I guess they probably can't comprehend 'beyond an asshole'

>>48354780
Yeah, 1%, I got that. Too bad the rest of the screencap's inaccurate to what it's trying to portray.

>>48355098
>but close enough to accurate that only faggots like you will call it out.
To be fair, one of the best astrosphinxes i ever saw ran relied on context clues from the DM's description. the sphinx asked "what is, but isnt". It had a pile of magical tomes mixed in with its treasure hoard. the answer was "fiction". fiction "Is" written but it "isnt" real.

>>48351441

Anon, I think your grandma might have been a fibber.

>>48355247
But that shit's not a nonsensical question. It's just a regular riddle. The answer isn't even nonsensical either. The astrosphinx is insane, it's "riddles" aren't supposed to make sense, it's why there's only a chance you're right, because there's only a chance he'll accept it as the answer to his dumb bullshit. It isn't "close enough" because it completely ditches that entire aspect and instead portrays a regular sphinx that just has a 1% chance to blow up whenever you answer, right or wrong.

>>48355397
So a correct question would be 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?' and a correct nonsensical answer would be 'Because it can produce a few notes, though they are very flat; and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front.'

>>48355463
The question, sure, or at least maybe. People have come up with so many answers for that, it almost feels like an actual riddle now, though maybe that's the point. The answer could be fucking anything though. I could answer with "In July" and still possibly be correct because the astrosphinx is completely bonkers.

>>48355311
Given that she also told me there was a dragon under the stairs that is not outside possibility.

But I know it's been mentioned on this board at least once by someone other than me.

>>48351291
Because it's fun.

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>>48354301
if they eventually fall in love then it could make a great romance anime

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>>48340055
gnomes, catfolk and jews

>>48355397

If you read the thread, OP made up the riddle, thinking (incorrectly) that there was no answer. In this way he was much like the crazy-ass Astrosphinx that just makes up random bullshit.
My answer was correct, though, so he accepted it and exploded.

>>48356001
source? without the hotdog

>>48355911
Tell us what you know anyway. Second hand story time.

Nisser(tomte) are such massive monolithic assholes

>I'm the protector of your farm
>But I swear if I catch you doing anything I don't like your life will be a hellscape
>What's that, you fucking swore?
>I'm gonna kill your fucking cows you rude god damn piece of shit

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>>48340178

>>48343885
>4 piercings
>a lot
nigga some people have 4 in a single eyebrow.

>>48355463
"What has purple swords and jumps across a litch's peanut farm?" is a completely nonsensical question, and an equally nonsensical answer would be "the time between 4 and 5 AM."

Sounds randumb because it is.

>>48352743
Actually you just needed to add a comma between "family" and "piercings", then it might have been easier to surmise what filtered contraction you were actually re-elongating.

Punctuation is important.

>>48344068
It's not a riddle, it's a joke. It counts.

In fact, a sphinx which wanders roads telling jokes and slaughtering anybody except people who have heard the joke before is a pretty good idea in and of itself.

>>48360952
Jokes aren't nonsensical riddles, doofus.

>>48361124

The answer was a joke, dingus.

>>48360719
well I'm not the same guy who has the family piercing fetish, but without a comma it's still a perfectly valid sentence, if unclear in meaning.

>>48361231
Well the answer wasn't nonsensical either, donkus.

>>48356131
OH SHIT ITS THE ASTROPHINX

"Then who was phone?"

Roll a 1dPhone

Like that?

>>48361282
Unambiguous communication is useful desu.

>>48340152
Why don't YOU provide examples that you think fit your OWN definition and you validate those reasons here.

>>48340055
Stepmothers.

>>48343775
That really depends on the story. You can check them at sacredtexts.com, including the one with all three Yagas.

>>48351484
fucking mini cthulhus man

>>48356018
especially when the town rabbi brings his golem to play

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>>48362389

>>48358456
Short dude dressed all in red.

If you walk along the road an you are alone you might find him.

He paints himself I fresh blood.

Can outrun a horse.

Can be frightened of with iron.

Can't cross running water.

>>48340055
Every single creature in slavic mythology.

They will either drown you, murder you , eat you, or suck you dry

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>>48340770
>>48355397
>>48359487
>>48361602
>yfw there's an astrosphinx that browses /v/

>>48340055
Will-o-Wisp

>Not a camp fire lol! Have fun dying in a swamp traveler. I've gotta go guide a lost mother off a cliff with the voice of her child!

>>48352409
*eats the chicken tendies his mommy makes*

>>48351768
>>48352409
>>48366765
*wwalks into thread*

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>>48358721
>it's eyes glow mahogany

>>48366797
*teleports behind u*

>>48358521
The tomte liked his porridge with a pat of butter on the top. In an often retold story, a farmer put the butter underneath the porridge. When the tomte of his farmstead found that the butter was missing, he was filled with rage and killed the cow resting in the barn. But, as he thus became hungry, he went back to his porridge and ate it, and so found the butter at the bottom of the bowl. Full of grief, he then hurried to search the lands to find another farmer with an identical cow, and replaced the former with the latter.

>>48356001
>>48358233
Seconded, tried Image Search did not get anything useful from it, I dont know why you guys seem to get the right answer.

>>48343572

There's a badass (but sadly dead) webcomic called The Fox Sister about a Korean monster hunter/shaman and an American ex-military missionary hunting one of these. Come for the Hunter: The Vigil, stay for the Elvis impersonations.

>>48344422

Source? WTF?

>>48366820
********

>>48340055
Fae
They don't even need a reason, they just exist to be absolute dicks.

>>48367551
Looks like the empowerred comic.

>>48368118
>>48366820
BACK THE FUCK OFF???

>>48365915
The Rail Tracer?

>>48365915
So basically just a red cap

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>>48340055
Kobolds

>>48369325
>I get my superpowers from wearing this special latex suit, but it only works when I have nothing else over OR under it.
That thing?