What are some of the dumbest things you ever seen enacted in

>>48298363
>party in a small boat
>hunting a mermaid
>we spot said mermaid next to the boat in the water
>cleric uses shatter on it
>a literal sonic boom
>in the water
>next to our boat

it blew the mermaid into tiny pieces, and also did the same thing to half of our boat. we spent a whole day on a nearby rock until a ship came by and rescued us. cleric died on the same day to a doppleganger.

>>48298363
>party is carrying heavily injured soldiers through a jungle
>head to ruins of city overtaken by magical jungle
>find a half-deer-half-human reverse centaur thing
>kill it discretely and take its head to show superiors
>find safe house in a temple, making sure it is all safe
>don't search the temple for lore/clues/loot
>watch in the night see lights in distance
>then sees windows in palace ruins light up
>guy then decides he doesn't want to carry the head with them and mounts it to a pike outside the temple entrance
>party leaves in the morning having slept, stabilized soldiers, and made sretchers/crutches
>two days later the watch spots a small creature following their trail to their camp
>they don't wake the other two party members, decide to ready themselves only
>a different monster nearly TPKs them after the tracking monster points them out to it
Don't leave evidence you were in hostile territory in a fantasy land, just don't. And wake your party up when combat will probably happen.

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>>48298363
>Playing Curse of Strahd
>Party pisses of Strahd and decides that the best course of action is to hide underground for the rest of our short, miserable lives instead of fighting him
>Spend a whole session argueing about how to hide in caves properly
>Have elaborate plan that includes creating an underground, self-sustaining community
>Get interupted on way to caves and all get turned into vampire thralls
>mfw

Probably going to join Strahd next session and spend the rest of the campaign terrorizing Barovia

>>48298363
One college underclassman had heard that silos filled with grain can combust and explode when exposed to a spark.

His rogue purchased some candles, several handkerchiefs, and a bag of flour. He folded each kerchief into a square, and cut a small hole at the resulting corner to make a crude funnel, plugging the hole with softened candlewax. He loaded the funnels up with flour, then hung them over several candles, so that a lit flame would melt the wax and expose the flour to the flame. He then took a punk from the fireplace in his room, lit each of the candles, escaped out a window, and ran for a vantage point from which to watch the beloved town inn explode.

He was pretty crestfallen when the GM, a chemistry student, explained that whole wheat flour doesn't explode like gunpowder under these conditions. GM couldn't stop him in time because he had no idea what he was planning. His actions derailed everything, and genius boy even had to make another character.

>>48298363
I've seen three different people, on three separate occasions, take the time to put their heavy armor on before entering the fray when the party is attacked in the night. They all did this even after the GM informed them that it takes over 10 minutes to put on heavy armor without help and that each combat round is only 6 seconds. Each of them was still surprised when combat was finished before they managed to do anything. None of them admitted that it was a stupid idea.

The GM in a 2e adventure allowed the party to find and claim a miscellaneous magic item called Gauntlets of Ogre Power, which granted the maximum 18/00 Strength. The rules state that 18/00 Strength allows the character to comfortably carry 335 lbs and to press 480 lbs. But the normal use of this item was for fighters to deal extra melee damage and have better success opening doors and wrestling.

The party came to a dangerous corridor where they couldn't decide what to do. Peering at the map, the fighter discovered that the walls were just lines rather than the standard 10' thick blocks. He asked to look at the walls, the GM told him they were made of standard bricks laid the long way. A standard brick is 3 5/8ths inches long, so the walls were that thick.

Fighter decided that a strength capable of gorilla pressing 480 lbs should be enough to break down the rock walls. He decided to demolish them ALL. Feeling he had no choice, the GM allowed him to knock down three walls, the third of which allowed them to walk into a bugbear barracks, bypassing the overturned tables meant to provide the baddies cover from the party had they entered by the front door as the GM intended.

After the party made mincemeat of the bugbears, the fighter asked to resume knocking down walls. The GM panicked and stated, "the walls have suddenly all thickened to 10' thick and the walls you downed have repaired themselves."

It caused a complete riot. The thief had spotted floor traps in the corridor that couldn't be identified, and the players felt that the GM was insisting they trigger them for his kinky magical realm. The party mapmaker's map was completely ruined and some foes had been left alive behind them. In addition, the party now had to leave by a door they had no idea whether it was trapped, it was, with a pit with poisoned spikes, which killed the thief attempting to detect it. The players were yelling that it was unfair and the GM had to disband the session.

Once I had a player try to roll up into basically the heart of a hypercorp industrial park on mars in barely concealed battle gear, and convinced several other party members to go along with it. I had no idea what he was planning, so I went along with it for a bit. They get into the elevator to go talk to their former employer ( they thought a hostage they rescued was carrying a memetic hazard because they couldn't stop seeing their recently hired doctor as a wooden chair) , and as their on the crowded express elevator to the executive suite tnt mastermind reveals that he had absolutely no plan and really didn't think he'd get that far.

One shootout with security and a dramatic leap onto remotely piloted hover bikes out a 132nd story window later, they were all wanted men and essentially banned from mars

Other brilliant ideas from the same group include charging out to break up a high tech gang fight and forgetting to grab your weapons or armor (in a system where one good shot sans armor is a death sentence), someone playing a gang member taking umbrage to being offered drugs in gang territory and trying to pull a gun on a dealer while trying to be incognito, and lastly trying to snipe into melee combat. Through a window. With a scoped pistol. While riding a motorcycle at top speed. A mile and a half away

>>48301346
Forgot to mention the best part of the first story: they got stopped by Martian customs (due to one guy being a war criminal, one guy refusing to leave his mini mech, and everyone else just being sort of shady, not to mention owning a very illegal barely disguised alien ship) and managed to barely convince the head of the mars!NSA that they weren't terrorists and wouldn't be any trouble. They were shooting up the office and leaping from explosions not two hours later

I had a player suggest we play D&D

>>48300969
...why would you trap the doorway leading to your own barracks?

Slight bit of back story for this.

Ran a Rogue Trader game for 2 years. We made it to some ridiculous xp levels because I ran once a week for 8 hours. We ended up using that broken ass fan made splat that had ranks 9-16 before I just ran out of shit I thought I could run.

So, they wanted to play in a shared universe with their characters and work for them in a way in Only War. Use the rules but play merc saved from the guard was decided on. This is what happens all within the first two sessions of the new campaign.

>desperate retreat action as chaos portal open all over planet
>run combat heavy session to try out new rules and that is what they wanted
>end as they made hasty alliance to steal aquilla lander and escape into space
>second and final session
>get pinged by nearby ship that was helping navy action in exchange for mineral rights
>it is their ship from last game
>all of them get shit eating grins
>get aboard, checked for taint by npc ship doctor from last game
>get brought to bridge to discuss their new place with the seneschal
>"We charge them"
>"U wot?"
>"They have the weapon we built our characters for. We charge them and take the weapons."
"You get a look of befuddlement from the bridge crew as you mob those closest to you. In the next six seconds, the fire of 6 digi weapons, a plasma cannon and the searing light of a power axe is what you remember before your soul becomes one with the emperor."

Can any of you tell me what these fuckers were thinking because they looked absolutely shocked,ashamed and angry at this.

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It's a pirate game and the players have a small, nimble ship. It's agile and faster then most.

They encounter a merchant ship! It's moderately well armed, with 4 (2 per side) 9 pounder cannon and 8 muskets on board.

They try to shoot it, but it's got the same firepower they do for cannons, more muskets. They try to board, but get forced away by grapeshot.

Now they had lots of options here, including just going to look for easier prey.

They deiced to instead ram.

Ships in the age of sail weren't really built to ram. They could, but doing so was typically a bad idea. It's especially a bad idea when you get far upwind then turn to them, pick up as much speed as you possibly can with more sail on then is safe for the weather, then slam, bowsprit first, into the side of the other boat.

They celebrate their cleverness and the brutal damage they've done to their foe, until some facts become clear:

1) Their ship is crippled and taking on lots of water
2) The other ship has a huge hole staved in bellow the waterline and is taking on lots of water
3) They are quite far from any land.

>>48302989
They boarded the merchant ship and found most of the crew desperately working to fight damage, rather then pirates. It's pretty easy to take over!

Those that refuse to surrender are to go on the pirate's crippled ship, with good luck it should be possible to make a life raft from it before it sinks.

The rest of the merchant crew stay on the merchant ship with the pirates and set off to try and reach land, desperately working the pumps constantly to keep from sinking, getting most of the cargo of coffee soaked and ruined before it's thrown overboard to lose weight. Two of the cannon, likewise, are thrown into the sea to get more of the breach out of the water.

After two and a half days working constantly at the pumps they at last manage to beach the merchant ship on an island, driving it high up on the sand where they spend two weeks cutting wood and making repairs.

In the end, their brilliant plan has gotten them a slower ship with less weapons then the one they started with, less money then they'd need to spend to replace the weapons they'd lost, and a extremely pissed off merchant captain eager for revenge.

Oh, and 8 new crew that hated them and would jump at a chance to aid the merchant captain they fucked over.

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>>48300969
>"the walls have suddenly all thickened to 10' thick and the walls you downed have repaired themselves."
Wut

>Me be a necromancer
>Wants to be a lich, lichs do not exist in the setting
>Beat a boss, obtain wish cubes (cube turns into w/e you wish for)
>Wish for something that makes death into "something more"
>DM says "hah, got something for ya !"
>Obtain black flask of black liquid of absolutely looks deadly
>Drink it, ignoring all subtle warnings from DM/party
>Die
>Thats it, I'm dead.
>Roll new character

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>>48303352

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>>48303029
>Pumps

Huh, I didn't realize those were a thing.

>>48303352
He was right.
Death was also a lesson in that case.
>>48298363
Placing a Flaming Sphere inside a shoddy, half-abandoned ye olde apartment. And then ramming it into a wall.
Seriously, wizards have no sense of self-preservation.

>>48303399
Actually, I wasn't completely upfront about this- it did immolate the assassin they were trying to kill.
And destroyed the inn.
And piss off local law enforcement.
And rack up another mark on his way to CE.

>>48303352
I never understand why GMs do this. Here you have a player, with a character who really, seriously wants something in-universe, and instead of turning that into their personal quest, you just say "nope, not part of the setting, fuck you."

Do you have any idea how rare it is to have a character with any solid motivation? Fuck canon - muy rule is that if a character wants something, and they're willing to work hard to reach it, they can have it.

Because that's how you tell a good story. Slapping that player down and telling them "no, that's WRONG" will only frustrate them, and make them not want to play.

>>48303478
But muh god fantasy and story

>party is underpaid by city official for services rendered
>party decides to storm the city and murder city official for this "insult"
>several guards killed and wounded as well as city official who is shot and bleeds to death in his chair
>one pc's is killed, one is arrested pending execution, and the other two have bounties for their capture, dead or alive.
>campaign is effectively dead as they abandoned the main plot entirely to exact this revenge.
>only after the session ends do their realise that marching into the front gate of the city screaming and frothing about revenge was the densest possible fucking way of achieving their revenge.
>and all this because they were paid less than they felt they were owed.

>>48303478
>Get death-squared
>Drink it

Uh, maybe he wasn't supposed to FUCKING DRINK IT.

It's not like he did exhaustive test on it.

Polymorphed a low-level dragon into a rodent, snuck into the Palace with it in order to start a distraction

>>48303032
Guess the GM didn't want the guy doing his best Kool-Aid Man impression

>use fireball to make a canoe into a speedboat

"like a jet engine" he said, the boat caught fire and we had to swim to shore

>>48298363
Exalted:
>there is a Dragon-Blooded governor running the local town pretty well
>some of the governor's relatives are less than stellar DBs who drink and whore a lot
>party Night Caste Solar sneaks into the governor's mansion and tries to offer "how about you pay me to assassinate your relatives?"

Bold move, did not pay off.

>>48298933
>GM Fiats you to death
You're right. That is really stupid.

>>48303478

People like you are why every other online 3.X game has a weaboo who tries to use a sharingan or bankai unironically with a GM who wastes everyone's time/patience catering to his faggotry than the actual campaign.

Maybe when you're constructing goals, they're goals that sync up with what's expected of the world rather than trying to alter reality to suit your whims.

>>48304428

You know what? I ain't even the guy you responded to, but eat shit.

/tg/ has this fucked up idea that PC's should be able to do stupid shit with magic and not have to deal with consequences of doing said stupid shit.

Hell, that DM didn't even kill his players, he just sunk their boat and ate up some of their time for doing something stupid.

Take your #PCLivesMatter bullshit somewhere else.

>>48304784
>/tg/ has this fucked up idea that PC's should be able to do stupid shit with magic and not have to deal with consequences of doing said stupid shit.
For using magic irresponsibly, PCs lost the boar. That's consequence, yes.
But the Dopelganger out of nowhere part is bullshit.

>>48304805
But we don't know how it get there. For we know the guy rolls for random encounters and the cleric was just unlucky

>>48304805
To play the doubles advocate, he never mentioned that the Doppleganger was an ass pull.
He might have just fought and got killed by it later on

>>48298933
Holy shit that DM is retarded.
>shatter destroys nonmagical objects of crystal, glass, ceramic, or porcelain
>Objects weighing more than 1 pound per your level are not affected
Pointedly ask your DM if the boat weighed five pounds and was made of porcelain. The answer should be "no", and then you point out how fifty-pound boats of wood are not subject to shatter in any way, shape or form. No, not even if he says "sonic boom" or for that matter "sonic rainboom".

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>"The orb turns the sorcerer into a horrible abomination, roll for initiative"
Some rounds later:
>"As you get close to the orb you can feel your mind numbing down and something beastly trying to take over"
Player: "I grab the orb!"
>"..Are you sure? The feeling of losing your mind becomes stronger as you approach it"
Player: I do it anyway
>"Alright, roll a will check"
A botched will save and couple rounds later, the party couldn't handle two horrid abominations attacking them at once, resulting in TPK. Sometimes I wonder how the brains of a PC function

>>48298363

Swimming through dangerous waters, at night, in full gear, with no ability to swim.

Assuming that there wouldn't be a second trap immediately after the first.

>>48304784
/tg/ has this fucked up idea that generally character abilities do what they say they do.

>>48304920
That sounds awesome.

I wanna be a horrifying mutant abomination, so long as its a powerful one.

>>48303352
Was the guy at least a good sport about it? At least he did what his character would've done, top tier roleplaying. He should had worded his wish more wisely though, maybe become a lich in steps like starting with being immortal.

>>48304901
>To play the doubles advocate
Please don't, those are diamond dozen around here.

>>48302889
having previously heard noises of battle, the bugbears left their posts and ran into the barracks, closing the door behind them, turning over the tables to use as cover from behind which to fire missile weapons, and arming the trap before the door by means of a hidden lever. thief did not roll high enough to detect this lever to instantly disarm the trap, reported no traps found, opened the door, and fell in.

The monsters in this area were feuding with one another. I think that was the justification for the trap, but really the party was stronger than he thought and he wanted to make the bugbears tougher.

>>48298363
Short, but not-so-sweet
>Anima party is traipsing through Abel, seat of the Empire
>Populace is heavily Catholic, and very fearful of the supernatural.
>Bandits appear along a trade road, start making trouble. Citizenry panic, guards start fighting bandits
>Railgun Mentalist: "I pull out an iron marble and ready my railgun"
>Warrior Summoner(IC): "Are you fucking retarded?"
If it weren't for those four words, they would've had Inquisition breathing down their necks within about five days.
Sometimes it pays to have a player who knows as much about the setting as you do.

>>48303491
my players would do just that. subtlety is always lost on them.

>>48298363

It wasn't so much of a terrible idea, as the idea creep kept going on and on and on, and we kept trying to stay to the original framework, when we should have abandoned it.

>Trying to get into this nobleman's house
>We could just smash down the front door, but guards+possibility of the city watch interfering indicates a somewhat stealthy approach might be better
>Well, we know his home has a central courtyard. If we can get up and over it, we can drop down in the middle of the house without too many people knowing.
>Too hard to climb his own home, but he's fairly close to some other houses of the same height
>So let's climb up one of THEM, and jump across from rooftop to rooftop until we can get into his courtyard.
>Do that
>Get near to his house.
>Realize the jump is longer than it looked from the ground, odds are not good that we could make it.
>Sit down on random rooftop and think.
>Hey, I saw some building ladders at a construction site on the other end of town. I bet they're long enough to bridge the gap between this house and the other one, and we can just climb across.
>Climb back down.
>Run halfway across town.
>Steal the ladders.
>Have a devil of a time hauling them back up, dragging it across the rooftops, and making our "bridge".
>Only about halfway through the inner defenses of the home did we realize once we had the ladder, we could have just propped it up against his house.

We just started laughing for what must be at least 10 minutes when it dawned how dumb we were.

>>48305013
step 1: become immortal
step 2: - not become not immortal?

>>48298363
Let's see here.
There was the time a guy attempted to use a barrel of pitch and a ring of Fire resistance as a substitute for a torch (this way I still have both hands free, guys! And I'm immune to grapples! It's perfect!) in a stagnant cave system.
Three of the party failed their fortitude saves to the resulting fumes and passed out. Didn't die, though; I ruled that the air nearest the floor was still free of smoke, so they came to later.
The Human Torch, not so much. He apparently forgot that pitch, in addition to burning well, is also sticky as shit, and failed to get it off before suffocating.

There was the time the wizard attempted to go fishing with chain lightning. That went about as well as you'd expect.
After healing him, though, the chunks of fish pulled out of the water were in fact deliciously flash-fried.

There's also the time the party decided that the best way to resolve a siege was to lob infected corpses over the walls, which is indeed an effective tactic. Their mistake was how they completely forgot about the whole plague thing when they stormed the place afterwards, turned up the floorboards, and looted everything remotely valuable.
This included clothes, food, and fodder for the horses, since it was cheaper to feed their army with loot than to provision at home. Then they wondered why all their men were sick.
I mean, I went out of my way to describe how there were rotting corpses in the streets. It was not a low-key plague. Not hard to put two and two together, here.

Lastly, there was the time a dragon was attacking a major city, which the party was defending, and they decided that their best plan was to shoot it down such that it impaled itself on the reinforced spire of the prison tower, inside the keep.
It killed the dragon, yes. It also dropped a hundred tons of flaming, thrashing dragon flesh directly onto the palace.

>Party goes into a Inn on the Docks.
>The Inn becomes our new base of operations.
>The main Villain and a Undead army invade the town and surround the bar.
>Party are trapped in the Inn and only have two ways of getting out.
>One is sacrificing a party member in attempt for others to escape, other is fighting.
>There is a Wine cellar in the basement of the Inn.
>I take the role of sacrificing myself for the party.
>Roll to cast Flame Sword in Wine Cellar to start a fire.
>Roll a Critical Failure.
>Blows up the Inn, sinking the dock(With the town), killing half our party, and leaving 10 Undead still alive.
>Revives body, forgetting that I'm a Dwarf in Heavy Armor.
>Drowns.

>>48304713
That is a needlessly confrontational attitude.
A necromancer wanting to become the first lich in setting is a fine goal that could have made for some really good story lines.
In no way is a necromancer seeking to overcome death shoehorning in out of setting garbage.

>>48305026
It's a doggy dog world, anon.
You gods to do what you've gods to do

>>48298363
>Exploring a dungeon
>Come across a trapped door
>It's a pit trap
>We climb over the pit into the room
>Room is small and only contains old bones on the ground and holes in the ceiling
>Next thing we know, creatures begin crawling out of the holes and attacking
>After a grueling amount of fighting, things seemed lost
>My character, a person who would use logic over emotion, knew the only way to survive was to leave
>Wanting to stay alert and be able to defend against any attacks, I retreat by walking backwards
>I walked backwards into the pit trap

It was an emotional moment, with another party member shouting "nooo" and diving to the pit to catch my hand, but just missing.

>>48298363
>Warhammer RPG second edit
>Party arrives to the end of the campaigns second act
>Mutant smugglers' lair in the sewers beneth Grumburg,in the Empire
>Level boss: mutant bandit with four arms,2 of them insectoid scythes, along with 5 other fish-like mutants (piranha jaws, scales, morena head,etc.)
>Player says "I want to throw my sword to that guy's head". HP 15, not even the Throwing Weapon talent.
>Test him : "k,you gotta spend one Fate point to do that,though".
>He does; fails miserably even with a +40.

At the end of the campaign that same Fate point would have saved the day agaisnt the final boss.

>>48305403
>doggy dog world

Are you fucking serious?

>>48305287

>That is a needlessly confrontational attitude.

It's the only correct response when confronted by severe retardation and willful disregard to the established lore of a setting.

It's like being a blacksmith and getting butthurt when the GM tells you that, no, you cannot make a fucking Ironman suit or a Gundam because the most advanced the setting is, is somewhere around medieval times.

>A necromancer wanting to become the first lich in setting is a fine goal that could have made for some really good story lines.

Except for, y'know, the fact that

a) How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?
b) Where does he plan on finding said knowledge when liches don't exist within the setting?
c) Why does he want to be a lich in the first place?

I mean, it's one thing if we're talking about ancient tombs and shit like that but if they don't exist then how does he know about them?

It's like an artificer trying to invent a phone while having no idea of how something like a telegraph works. At best it's contrived and at worse, it's outright metagaming.

>In no way is a necromancer seeking to overcome death shoehorning in out of setting garbage.

It is when you're fucking told that liches don't exist within the setting.

Literally no better than those shitters who try to build naruto in Pathfinder.

>>48300622
My last character had to live with all the penalites for not taking off his armour because no one else in the party wanted to help him put it on, since the armour he wore could only be put on with the help of someone else. The only person whose character would actually help in this instance, being the only good character, refused because he was played by a dick who didn't like me and preferred having my character die, rather than stick to his character who was all about helping people.

My only saving grace was that the DM was pretty bro, and I was pretty charisma so I talked some soldiers to help me put my armour on so I could actually get a goods night sleep.

>>48298363
The "bard" (a system with no actual classes but that's the easiest way to describe the character) is at a party in a castle. His task is to scout the place while mingling with the crowd and playing songs to them. Later the party would sneak in due to reasons that are not relevant to this story.

The "Assassin" (sneaky, archer type.) also sneaks into the castle because the player got bored that HE wasn't the one actively doing things for a while. The character kills a few guards until eventually he gets into a fight he can't win and escapes by jumping out of a window and breaking his leg due to falling badly. He does manage to escape though.

As the nobles and guards are wondering what the hell was going on the bard accidentally hears the conversation and realizing what had happened he explains that he knows who the assassin is...

Obviously this bit of information gets everyone's attention and the bard agrees to lead the guards to the inn where the assassin is staying.

Yeah, one player got his character into trouble and another ratted him out immediately. Only after he lead the guards to the inn he realized that leading them to the place where he (and the rest of the party) were sharing a room might not be a good idea. He did manage to escape (somehow) before the guards realized that the helpful citizen was in the same group with the assassin but the party did lose all the gear and money they had left in their room.

And no, there was never an adequate explanation for either of the players acting the way they did. (The rest of the party had heard the racket and gone into hiding just in time.)

>>48305483
Liches don't exist in this world, yet there are still people out there that want to live beyond death. Vampires don't exist in this world, yet there are still people out there that want to be a vampire. Super heroes don't exist in this world, yet there are still people out there that want to be a super hero.

Just because Liches don't exist in the setting, doesn't mean that the undead don't exist, it's not far fetched for a NECROMANCER, using his power of NECROMANCY and thinking, it would be great if I could do this to myself and live forever.

>>48305129
>guns are magic

???

DCC Funnel Scenario

>run into tower
>ambushed by beastmen! oh no!
>they surround you, what do?
>LETS FUCKING ESCAPE
>what
>I RUN THE FUCK OUT
>attack of opportunity
>dead
>WELL, I ALSO RUN THE FUCK OUT
>.....attack of opportunity...dead
>WELL, I, ALSO, ACTUALLY FUCKING RU-
>dead
>WELL, 3/3 IS PRETTY BAD ODDS, I ONLY HAVE 9 AC, SO, I RUN. THE. FUCK. OUT.
>manages to survive

They just kept dying

>>48305476
>doubles advocate
>diamonds dozen
>doggy dog world

You aren't really that dense, are you, Anon-kun?

>introduce joinable factions
>everyone joins a different faction
>factions are: edgy murder assassin club, city watch, rich people's slave thugs, the university of ruining the setting, the fuck all nonhumans club, the "fuck all humans but only promote my specific faction while shitting on all others club"

>>48302810
>shitposting loudly

>>48305706

Stop being a meta-gaming faggot for a second (hard I know, but humor me) and listen for a moment.

In this world, there are shitloads of stories/games/music/plays/etc. that detail shit such as liches, vampires, and superheroes in detail. That's because those things have existed for centuries and every civilization in the world has their own version of what those things are.

In the game's setting, however, those things don't exist, most likely will never exist, and have no basis within the context of the setting, meaning that your character wouldn't have a desire to be a lich because he wouldn't know what a lich even is, necromancer or no.

I mean, he could say "wow, I wish I could be immortal" in much the same way as a druid could say "wow, I wish I could be a huge fire elemental all the time" but it doesn't mean that either of those things are going to happen.


To put it another way, it'd be like an Elementalist claiming that he's going to bend the oxygen in the room so that it becomes toxic...while having no idea what oxygen is, let alone how it works in theory or practice.

If you want to shit all over an established setting just to play your bullshit concept, go to another fucking table because that shit's not going to fly, especially after all the time and effort I put into making the setting what it is.

>>48299170
Wait a reverse centaur deer?
Not a minotaur with a deer instead of a bull?

So like it's the upper body of a normal dear with hooves and everything and a human ass and legs?

>>48298363
My party.
Task - trasport Earth Spirit to a distant shrine to unbound him.
Difficulty - spirit is bound to a Giant Stone.
Obvious solution - cast spell to make stone small and carry it to the shrine.
Party solution :
a)Paladin and fighter grind fucking stone to dust couple of weeks
b)Rogue and wizard start a cult in nearby village
c)Cult numbers reach 50.
d)Feed cultist meals with stone dust
e)Travel with the cult to a shrine
f)Make everyone shit on the shrine
Result: Earth spirit emerges covered in shit and instantly attack party.

>>48305956
I really want to know the what the logic behind that plan was

>>48305483
>a) How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?
He isn't.
>b) Where does he plan on finding said knowledge when liches don't exist within the setting?
Research. MAGIC SCIENCE. Like Nagash.
"Hey, what if I were undead, but controlled by myself and sentient!" "What if I put my soul out of my body and place it in a sustaining magic gem, but with ties to my body, so that soul persists after body dies?"
>c) Why does he want to be a lich in the first place?
Who DOESN'T want to be immortal?

>>48306037
We cant carry stone that big -> Make stone smaller - > Breake it into few smaller stones -> Grind in to dust -> Still to much - What if we hire someone to help - What if we trick someone to help for free.

>>48305956
>>48306037
I second the motion.

>>48305810
Get a clue already, run Paranoia.

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>>48305956
>Obvious solution - cast spell to make stone small and carry it to the shrine.
Look at him and laugh. Let me guess, wizards in your setting use magic to wipe their asses too?

>>48305892
>muh status quo

>>48306061

>1

If the only undead you're aware of are undead who lack sentience and are easily manipulated by necromancy then how would you reach the conclusion of necromancy giving you sentience and immortality, especially in a setting where liches don't exist?

Not to mention, if you're a necromancer then you're probably aware that using that type of power is pretty bad fucking news in general. You don't cast fire and then think "man, what happens if I set myself on fire without immolating myself?"

>2

People who realize that spending the rest of existence as someone who can never die is a fate worse than death, especially if you're locked in a state where you're effectively stuck in a state of perpetual nothingness until the heat death of the universe happens, like Kars from JJBA who eventually stopped thinking after he realized that he would drift through space for all eternity.

>>48306181

Everything that has ever existed followed a logical progression.

You can't just invent something without first knowing what's currently possible.

we had a barbarian guy who insisted on announcing he was picking his teeth with a knife while we were sitting in a tavern discussing our plan. The DM got tired of him yelling "I remove pieces of meet between my teeth using my dagger as a toothpick" that he had the son of the owner trip into the barbarian resulting in the knife getting stuck into his head and killing him.

>>48306392
Your DM sounds like a total shithead.

I don't disagree. But I do remember him and said barbarian often arguing over the feasibility of the players' ideas.
Some that I recall are
trying to shoot swords with a bow and axes with a crossbow.

kidnapping a bunch of people and have them tied, like on a leash, to help him exercise and stretch

snorting flammable dust to be able to sneeze fire [his beard caught fire and he was pissed about it]

have the people he kidnapped train dogs to ride small cart as to have his own personal "dog-cart team"

build his own cart and capture a young dragon to train it, thinking it would let his cart fly. gets pissed when the ropes pulling the cart, being simply attached by ropes to the dragon gets smashed against trees whit the dragon trying to take off in a forest

>>48306392
Your DM is a dick. While that may get annoying to hear after a while, it's no reason to kill the guys character

"Feed the weakened demon attached to us the demonically possessed staff. It says it'll clean it for us." In the game the player whose normally the person I try and operate with the most, starting recharging one of the incarnations of sin we brought done but couldn't finish off for a magic staff he can't use because he's a rogue.

Apparently if you're sick for one week everything goes to hell in a hand basket.

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>>48306296
>If the only undead you're aware of are undead who lack sentience and are easily manipulated by necromancy then how would you reach the conclusion of necromancy giving you sentience and immortality
Are you the gm?
There may already be some intelligent undead in the setting like vampires.

How does the first lich in any setting get made?
Unless they were made by some god or curse or something then someone put in the effort to create the process.
How are any new magic spells or items made? Research.

Of course it depends on the setting but you seem to be suggesting that if there aren't already liches then it should automatically be impossible to make one.

>Not to mention, if you're a necromancer then you're probably aware that using that type of power is pretty bad fucking news in general.
Yeah but you still use it and exploit it because you're a necromancer, you're acting like you should shun and fear your own power like some npc farmer.
>You don't cast fire and then think "man, what happens if I set myself on fire without immolating myself?"
Yeah because there totally aren't fire shield spells, idiot.

>>48305483
>Implying Talos isn't appropriate for fantasy settings

>buy a fuck ton of dogs
>tie alchemists fire to them
>release them upon the enemy
>plan was to fire arrows at the dogs while they attacked making them little suicide bombers
>the dogs attacked the players, barb attacks in retaliation

What happened next was pretty much a recreation of that bomb scene from terminator 2

>>48307002
>How does the first lich in any setting get made?
Someone tries to live past death and fucks it up.
Another guy finds his research, mucks with it, and fucks up again.
Repeat until some idiot is lucky enough to not fuck it up.

>>48305483
>It's like an artificer trying to invent a phone while having no idea of how something like a telegraph works.
It's hardly contrived or metagaming that a fucking tech-mage based around making shit would strive to make something that could communicate over long distances without having to care for a bird to carry a message.
How about a bound air elemental that carries your words on the wind to a matched item?

Do you have absolutely no imagination?

>>48307002

>There may already be some intelligent undead in the setting like vampires.

Okay, vampires aren't liches.

Even then, most vampires are cursed or made a pact with demons or shit like that, so they're still slaves who have no real control over their own destiny.

>How does the first lich in any setting get made?

By accident.

>How are any new magic spells or items made?

Accident, assuming you can even create new magic in the first place.

>Of course it depends on the setting but you seem to be suggesting that if there aren't already liches then it should automatically be impossible to make one.

Well, you can't make something if you're not even tangibly aware of its existence.

I mean, sure, you got people who accidentally made shit like WD-40 or matches and shit, but even then, they didn't just make it out of thin air, they had the ingredients and it just so happen to produce a reaction that they weren't aware of.

>Yeah but you still use it and exploit it because you're a necromancer, you're acting like you should shun and fear your own power like some npc farmer.

As a necromancer, you're aware that you're basically handling arcane radiation to reanimate corpses.

Only a fool would bathe in toxic waste to gain superpowers.

>Yeah because there totally aren't fire shield spells, idiot.

Shielding != Protection

Shields prevent the fire from touching you at all, protection prevents the fire from harming you, even if you physically touch it.

>>48307151

Why would said tech-mage bother going through that much trouble just to get to the same conclusion as a sending spell (or its equivalent)?

You do realize that elementals are dangerous creatures who will murder you right? I'd rather care for pigeons than risk an elemental suffocating me if your magical device fails to contain it properly.

>>48307098
Yeah so it could be a plot point and personal quest for a character to gather research and even study "natural" intelligent undead like vampires but this guy seems to be arguing some chicken and egg bs that you couldn't possibly even conceive of the idea of becoming an intelligent undead to strive towards unless there are already extensive traditions and info about liches.

>>48307255
Not really, he didn't do any research or anything, he just went up to some omnipotent guy, asked for something that would make death something more, whatever the hell that means, and dumped the toxic waste he got down his throat the instant he got it.

>>48298363
I've told a longer version opf this story a couple of times before, but basically the party decided that to "safely" kill a dragon, they would lure it into a big warehouse. In the days leading up to that, they had turned said warehouse into what can only be described as "the biggest pipe-bomb ever".

The good news is that the plan worked and the cataclysmic blast killed the dragon. The bad news was that the entire party and most of the city they were in also died, either in the explosion itself or the massive fire it caused.

Lesson learned: Contrary to popular belief, there IS such a thing as overkill.

>>48305552
>the armour he wore could only be put on with the help of someone else

S Q U I R E
Q
U
I
R
E

>>48305483
>It's like being a blacksmith and getting butthurt when the GM tells you that, no, you cannot make a fucking Ironman suit or a Gundam because the most advanced the setting is, is somewhere around medieval times.

No, he cannot make an Iron Man suit or a Gundam. Easily. He can, however, go on an epic quest for the secrets of smithing once known to the Ancients, or held secret by the gods themselves, to build The Best Suit Of Armour Ever/a giant iron fighting man.

He can have his awesome, setting-breaking toys, but he needs to work for them first.

>How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?

Undead creatures, sapient or otherwise, are hardly unknown to human mythology, much less fantasy worlds. And some of the most well-known stories in human history are about characters trying to cheat death. If a PC wants to go down that road, so be it. It's a long road, a dark road and a hard road, and in the end, they may earn nothing more than damnation. But if they're willing to take that risk, so be it.

>Literally no better than those shitters who try to build naruto in Pathfinder.

Again, you're assuming I'm going to let the PC have their precious toys straight out the gate. I'm not. I'm going to take their toys, and use them as a carrot to draw them into the game, and get them to take an interest.

>>48300969
Correct response:
"Knocking down all these walls has greatly destabilized the dungeon. You don't even need a knowledge: dungeoneering or survival check to notice. Any more and the whole thing might cave in. Knock that shit off."

>>48307166
>Accident

This cure spell is amazing, I should research a way to cast this spell and affect multiple people at once. I shall call it mass cure, such a brilliant idea.

Time to test this mass cure spell that I have spent years of my life researching... Wow, that's not what I was expecting, I shall name this spell Fireball instead. It's a shame I live in a world where spells are only created by random chance. Like that guy who said he found a way to cast a spell that could grant any wish anyone could want, but the only wish it worked on was, I wish I was surrounded by wolves.

>>48306371
This is fiction we're talking about. Anything is possible.

>>48300969
Why the fuck would you assume magical realm in that situation? Jesus christ.

>>48307333
>Gundam

Couldn't the player also just learn how to make a golem that was hollow, so he could fit inside it and tell it what to do?

>>48307333

All of this is assuming that autist McSperglord over here will even accept that his game breaking toys won't show up until partway through the campaign.

For christ sake, the dumbass drank anti-matter because he thought it would somehow turn him into a super lich.

To them, either I break the campaign immediately or you're a shitty GM who hates fun and eats babies.

Which is why I tell them to fuck off at the earliest opportunity.

>>48307401

Fiction doesn't mean that you can throw literal shit against a wall, draw a line to the ones that stick, and have it all make sense in the end.

That sort of bullshit logic is how we get settings like Bleach and Dragonball Super, where the protagonist literally gains immeasurable power for no reason than "plot lol" yet somehow still loses to the resident arc villain because "plot lol."

This goes for anyone trying to worldbuild out there, every element has to make sense in order for the audience to accept what happens at a given moment.

It doesn't mean that everything has to be extensively explained but there should at least be some sort of internal logic to bridge the gap and show that when something happens, it's not just because of contrived reasons that just so happen to move the plot along.

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>>48307166
>Okay, vampires aren't liches.
They're intelligent undead that maintain their personality to some extent and some were mortal spellcasters and continue that in the afterlife.

Assuming they exist in this world then that shows that some form of immortal unlife is possible though at a cost needing to feed on the living and having certain vulnerabilities.
If there are other undead that don't need to feed then it's not some unbelievable "STOP metagaming!!!" leap for a mage specializing in the undead to wonder if you could create an undead that maintains intelligence but without the hunger and vulnerabilities of a vampire.
>Even then, most vampires are cursed or made a pact with demons or shit like that
Again are you the GM?
Because "most" may be that way in some settings and your personal head-canon but that's not a universal rule and the "curse" can be passed on.
Regardless vampires are still undead and show that undead can be intelligent so it could provide the initial inspiration for creating a better form of undeath that you seem to be so hung up on.
>By accident.
Again that can be your personal head-canon but it doesn't mean there can't be settings where liches are invented through research.
>Accident, assuming you can even create new magic in the first place.
Again, your personal head canon, other settings involve research and even have rules for researching new spells.
Just in D&D there are multiple spells named for the mages that invented them, do you imagine they tried to cast an already known spell and somehow accidentally "made" a new one? If you can create new spells by accident then why can't you experiment and research to do the same?

>>48307399

I guess we're at that part of the argument where retards begin strawmanning and spouting ad-hominem in a poor attempt at refuting the argument.

>>48307166
>Shielding != Protection
>Shields prevent the fire from touching you at all, protection prevents the fire from harming you, even if you physically touch it.
I don't even know what you're trying to argue anymore.
You were trying to portray considering using necromancy on yourself as stupid with the comparison
>You don't cast fire and then think "man, what happens if I set myself on fire without immolating myself?"
but there are literally spells where you set yourself on fire without it burning you so that enemies that touch you are burned.

You can of course say "NO I don't like that and it's banned from my world and game" but it exists and it's stupid to say it's some contrived metagaming bs.

>>48307232
The whole idea with artificers(accounting for setting variety) is making items that have magical effects, it's functionally equivalent to using a sending spell but then you could just be a wizard for that.
Why make a flying ship with bound elementals when you could just use a fly spell, because some people like that stuff.

>>48307282
I'm not arguing that he should have been made a lich automatically drinking the mystery potion but that it maybe should have been possible with research.
I mostly arguing against the status quo obsessed guy who seems to think it should be impossible to research anything new and if there isn't already something then there never can be and you can't even possibley imagine something like it to work towards without contrived horrible metagaming.

>>48307512

>They're intelligent undead that maintain their personality to some extent and some were mortal spellcasters and continue that in the afterlife.

They're also cursed to live out the rest of their days while subsisting over the blood of mortals or people who signed pacts with devils for ultimate power, only to find themselves enslaved to the devil's whims as everyone around them hate/fear them.

That's a staple for any form of intelligent undead, they know that they're forever stuck as monsters yet they cannot change themselves back.

>Because "most" may be that way in some settings and your personal head-canon but that's not a universal rule and the "curse" can be passed on.

Show me a setting where vampires aren't cursed or made a pact with demons and I'll show you a shitty animu setting that doesn't know what they're talking about.

>Just in D&D there are multiple spells named for the mages that invented them, do you imagine they tried to cast an already known spell and somehow accidentally "made" a new one? If you can create new spells by accident then why can't you experiment and research to do the same?

Because D&D as a whole doesn't really allow you to make custom spells on a whim.

>head canon head canon head canon

Liches will never exist in that setting, that's an established fact.

If you want to be a lich by rubbing shit together until immortality happens, then you're the one trying to inject your head canon into the setting, not me.

>>48307605

>it's functionally equivalent to using a sending spell but then you could just be a wizard for that.

So what's the point of being an artificer?

So you can play an arcane equivalent to an atheistic cleric and tip your fedora at all the magic slinging plebians?

Get the fuck outta here.

>because some people like that stuff.

Well thank god Eberron is irrelevant in the grand scheme of the D&D settings.

Even Dragonlance gets more love.

>>48307166
I wish I could argue with you civily, but you are a gigantic fucking moron. You're arguing that the ONLY way this could happen is an accident, while willfully ignoring that research is a thing. My personal favorite bit of retarded shit was "how do person get 'sentient undead' in setting where undead not sentient". It has a very easy answer: "WHAT IF I COULD BE SENTIENT LIKE THAT". But no, people are incapable of thought, according to you.

A very common adage in our world is "humans had for a very long time wondered what it was like to fly". By your logic, that is UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE because a human can't fly, so why, why, would they ever think about making it so they can fly? No, that'd be fucking stupid, right? No way. So unrealistic. For a long time, it was known that most shellfish and a lot of other things were poisonous, and we couldn't eat them without dying! There's no way! But then someone thought, "BUT WHAT IF WE COULD" and then after some research, bam! Fugu is a delicacy. No, that never happened, right? People are just not capable, EVER, of figuring out they can do things that aren't supposed to be possible or were never thought of before.

Let me reiterate: You are a god damn fucking retard, you piece of shit.

>All this shitflinging

*stretches out his arms and flies off into space before the bomb goes off* I'm done with this planet

>>48307726

see >>48307523

>>48307501
>This goes for anyone trying to worldbuild out there, every element has to make sense in order for the audience to accept what happens at a given moment.

No it fucking doesn't. Audiences won't give a shit if your setting is unrealistic or inconsistent, if the story you're telling is engaging enough. People look to stories for drama, not anal-retentive setting design. And all you need for drama is characters + goals + obstacles.

And that is why I place dramatising a player characters' goals above and beyond keeping the setting completely, painstakingly consistent. The former is telling a story, while the latter is fretting over set-dressing.

> bad guy rips city out of spacetime and into a pocket dimension
> PCs are caught in it and investigate
> rally some local gangs to help them fight the bad guy
> when the find him he's got a big portal-looking thing behind him
> bad guy summons a bunch of pig-dog monsters to fight when the PCs show up
> barbarian player panics, grabs the other PC, and jumps through the portal

...

The "portal" was actually Sphere of Annihilation, but I changed it into a dimensional nexus on the fly just so the game didn't end after the second session.

>>48307652
>That's a staple for any form of intelligent undead, they know that they're forever stuck as monsters yet they cannot change themselves back.
>Show me a setting where vampires aren't cursed or made a pact with demons and I'll show you a shitty animu setting that doesn't know what they're talking about.
>Because D&D as a whole doesn't really allow you to make custom spells on a whim.

You are talking about fictional worlds filled with fictional creatures. It's all fucking fiction. It's all fucking made up. People can do anything and make anything, especially since most of this shit only exists in our heads anyway.

You are taking dice-rolling pretend funtimes way too fucking seriously.

>>48307897

>Audiences won't give a shit if your setting is unrealistic or inconsistent, if the story you're telling is engaging enough.

This is the mantra of a hack writer who doesn't understand WHY stories are engaging beyond surface elements and shallow misinterpretations.

The most important rule of thumb for any particular setting is consistency, rules that are established that lets the audience know what to expect from the setting before something happens that challenges that expectation.

In "I, robot," the story basically starts with a researcher being seemingly killed by a robot, even though three laws would normally prevent it from happening.

Why did it happen? Watch and find out.

If you're just setting up arbitrary roadblocks for no adequately explained reason, it just makes the setting look inconsistent and makes you look like a railroady GM who seemingly only incorporates obstacles when your plot calls for it.

In other words, "u-uh, you can't break through that wall because it's twice and thick, a-and also the walls behind you repair themselves."

Or, for another example, Batman V. Superman as a whole.

>>48307967

Even the most fictional worlds still have some rules that govern the setting anon.

Magic in D&D doesn't function the same as magic in ShadowRun, for example.

If there weren't rules then there wouldn't be tension, because the protagonist could literally do anything.

>>48308099
> Or, for another example, Batman V. Superman as a whole.

People keep saying this movie sucked without going into specifics. I saw it a couple weeks ago and thought it was decent. Can you elaborate please?

>>48307726
I don't think there is any point in talking to him.

I had a DM like him once, there were only extremes. Elves came in two varieties, wizards or people who hated magic so much they dedicated their entire lives to killing wizards.
He couldn't even come up with why or how those two very conflicting archetypes could live together in a village, they just did.
Another thing he had was every wizard wears a hat, even if they were trying to hide the fact that they were wizards, because they wore them to show they were proud of being a wizard so they made it against the wizarding code to remove your hat. So our party wizard wasted so many spells to disguise himself as himself but without a hat, because every time he even mentioned removing the hat, the DM got all uppity about how his CN character would never disregard the wizard code and remove his hat.

>>48308145

Batman gets mad because he saw checks that read "you let your parents die" yet immediately blames Superman, even though he's supposed to be a detective.

Superman can travel 2,000km in seconds, with enough accuracy to catch Lois Lane as she's falling, yet he doesn't try using that speed to locate his mother and sidestep the whole fight in the first place.

Lex Luthor stole Zodd's body and somehow his blood with Zodd's corpse made Doomsday, who is murdered within like the last 20 minutes of the movie.

Not to mention everyone was either an idiot or edgy for the sake of being edgy.

If you want more details, I'd recommend watching half in the bag's episode on it.

>>48308217
> implying this kind of shit doesn't happen constantly in the comics
> implying that it's a big deal now just because it's a movie

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>>48304911
Not in 5th Edition. I can totally see 3d10 damage shattering a wooden rowboat.

>>48307436
The original player seemed ok with it and most posters seem not to be defending drinking liquid death but just stating that there should be some path to a player's goals.

The only one sperging out is you insisting that something as simple as allowing someone to become a lich mean you have to give overpowered anime powers to all starting characters.

>>48308257

>Implying comics are well written.

>>48307523
We already passed that point when sperg anon started calling everyone who disagrees with him overpowered metagaming naruto bleach gundams for wanting liches to be allowable.

>>48308099
>>48308139
The only consistency that matters is that which pertains to the main characters, their goals, and their struggles to achieve those goals. Everything else is irrelevant. It's fine for that detail and consistency to be there, but if push comes to shove, story logic trumps setting logic every single time.

Moreover, when you first get into a story, the creator lays out the ground rules for how their world works. This is their conceit, and if you can't accept it from the start, the story isn't going to work at all going forwards.

So when a player comes to me, at the start of the campaign, with a character goal that conflicts with the setting as-written, I am not throwing consistency to the wind by deciding that this guy can achieve his dreams somehow. I am laying out the conceit of the campaign, and if the other players don't like that, we can talk it out.

Also, the world is chaotic, and even the best-laid plans can go wrong for a myriad of reasons. There are a million obstacles I could put in place of the players whenever it would be most dramatic, none of which would stretch the bounds of plausibility. Would they be arbitrary? Sure. But then so would any obstacle I put in front of them. It's all fucking arbitrary, something you seem determined to not understand.

>>48308099
Paradise Lost is unrealistic, inconsistent, and falls apart upon inspection.

Still one of the greatest works of literature in history.

Stop being a pseudo intellectual for one second.

>>48308257
I don't think people would have minded if it was Batman vs Superman starring Adam West

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>pathfinder-serpent's skull
>cannibal camp
>rogue scouts around
>sees 2 cannibals in distance, skeleton pen nearby
>wants to open the cage and cause a diversion
>remind him they are animated undead skeletons
>undead skeletons in a terrible looking pen with no lock
>gets within 5 ft.
>skeletons start clickity clacking and grab their sacks
>cannibals alerted
>inform rogue 4 skeletons + 3/4 of the cannibal camp is after you

Welp. He made it easier for the party to mop up and take over the camp after the jungle chase scene.

the skeletons were there as slave labor from some witch nearby. they stayed in the pen when not in use

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>>48307652
>They're also cursed to live out the rest of their days while subsisting over the blood of mortals
Yeah I actually said that if you keep reading.
Maybe work on your reading comprehension.

The point was you were sperging out insisting that no one could possibly even conceive of the idea of becoming an intelligent undead lich-like being without there already being liches to get the idea from because all you'd know is mindless undead.
But vampires and other undead show that intelligent undead are possible and not all undead have an unnatural hunger so it's not some insane metagaming leap to imagine an intelligent undead that doesn't have to feed.

Undead produced by a demon pact are still undead, I'm not sure how you imagine that proves your point that no one could possibly imagine a different type of intelligent undead like a lich unless they "accidentally" make one which you still haven't explained beyond handwaving.

>Liches will never exist in that setting, that's an established fact.
LOL seriously, your head canon isn't established fact unless you're the DM and since you keep avoiding the question if you are I can only assume you aren't and this whole ranting argument is you insisting your head-canon as the only valid fictional world.

The original poster said that liches don't exist in the setting, not that there's some iron-clad rule of reality against intelligent undead that aren't a demon pact, and even then who's to say the player would object to a demon pact? oh yeah you head-canon universal rules lol

>>48308367

>Still one of the greatest works of literature in history.

Is it the greatest because people say it's the greatest or is it the greatest because it's actually worth reading?

>>48305283
>doesn't realize that wine isn't flammable

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>>48307676
What's the point of being a sorcerer instead of a wizard?
People like different types of play.

>So you can play an arcane equivalent to an atheistic cleric and tip your fedora at all the magic slinging plebians?
LOL where the fuck did that come from?
Now tech-mages are some fedora athiest cleric strawman instead of mages specializing in magic items?

I mean you're free to not like some fictional thing and not include it in your personal fiction but there's no need to get all booty bothered and sperg out about it existing and people liking things you don't like.

>>48303494
>>48303399
No, he wasn't. Having a flask of liquid that instantly kills is fucking retarded. I could just make a really strong poison instead of go all the way to the ends of the earth to make a fucking wish for such a trivial piece of shit useless item.

Holy fuck, dude
>>48303352
You had one shitty fucking GM, holy god damn tap dancing fuck-balls Christ, I pity you. Did you also go around dealing with a bunch of half-baked pseudo-intelligent "politico" games bullshit where he tried to be realistic by making things as haphazardly hamfisted as possible?

>>48307726
>My personal favorite bit of retarded shit was "how do person get 'sentient undead' in setting where undead not sentient". It has a very easy answer: "WHAT IF I COULD BE SENTIENT LIKE THAT". But no, people are incapable of thought, according to you.

Not to mention their answer to sentient undead like vampires or ghouls is basically "those don't count because in my universe they're just demons."

>>48308534
To be fair he said the DM gave some subtle hints that it wasn't a good idea but considering it was the culmination for beating the bad guy and getting a wish the DM probably should have given a hint that it needed research unless it really was a dick-DM move and was just a bottle of death with no other use.

>click on thread, hoping for some funny stories
>it's dozens and dozens of posts of spergs bitching back and forth about the lich thing
No one fucking cares, stop ruining the thread with that shit.

>>48307652
Buddy, it's a game. People play games to have fun. If that's how they want to have fun, you have zero right to go full autismo the magnificent on somebody

>>48305476
As serious as a hard attack.

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>>48298363
Never break character.

>5th edition
>Mike is probably best roleplayer in group
>Mike is playing Major Graag Flexbane, the Neutral Good Half-Orc Barbarian
>Major has a silly Southern accent and a strong sense of morality and honor
>Major is friendly and easygoing, easy to get along with and admire
>Major appreciates strength and respects those who have it
>one day we meet a demon hunter guy with a custom demon hunting weapon with a demon inside of it (like those guys from Wakfu)
>Mike has one weakness, and that is his desire to be awesome in combat
>Major tries many ways to get his hands on the awesome demon weapon
>all fail
>finally stalks the demon hunter and attacks him while he's asleep
>fails to immediately kill
>guy wakes up
>hulks out demon style
>completely destroys the Major
>now we lost a party member and there's a guy possessed by a demon, just on the loose

He was distraught to have his character die but still accepting. Mostly he was upset with himself because he very clearly went against his character's ideals to try and get a nicer weapon. He rerolled a greedy Light Cleric with a bad South Boston accent so we're all good now. Still though, it was painful to witness.

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>>48300466
You guys didn't moleman hard enough.

>>48304360
Then he should not have given him Gauntlets of Oh Yeah!

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>>48305723

>Railgun Mentalist

I don't think he had a gun.

>>48299170
why would you take a centaur's head as proof? wouldn't it look like you've just killed a normal person?

>>48305923
Yes, and the hooves made sort of lobster claws that let them use a spear.

>>48310370
It would look like a deer head, but there was something like extreme surgery scars all over it to allow it to stand upright. There were also magical runes scarred into its flesh, so the head was plenty.

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>>48305723
Exactly what >>48310289 posted, anon. the "Railgun" is actually a psychic power called Magnetic Acceleration Attack.

>>48308618
>vaguely worded wish
>immediately ingests mystery poison

The player is $100% at fault and the character deserved to die.

>>48311177
I probably should've said "mystery potion" but the point still stands. Do stupid shit, win stupid prizes.

>>48300482
fucking lel
He was an engineering student, wasn't he?

Also, does anyone remember that thread we had once where it was a GM asking if he'd done something wrong after the party TPK'd themselves by casting fireball in a grain warehouse?

Three hundred and sixty degree spinning handstand whilst pissing (significant acro check) taken as a voluntary action to clean dust off some wall inscriptions.

My response was basically "Okay, whatever".

>>48306580
>swords with a bow
Archer please, next you'll say that you're actually future sheerow

>infiltrating enemy base camp, sitting on outskirts planning attack
>ranger decides that it makes sense to send in an arrow+smokestick to shroud our entrance
>ok
>and also a tanglefoot bag
>and also a jar of acid
>both dangling from the arrow with rope
>wait what
>DM + party try to dissuade him but he's adamant on decorating the arrow like a fucking christmas tree
>fires at a high arc, arrow gains momentum then turns around and nosedives within range of party
>nearly fucks our shit up good
>forced to retreat and rest, then come back next week
>still don't understand why he didn't think to fire 3 separate arrows rather than one paperweight of an arrow

he's otherwise a really great player, dude just apparently had a massive lapse of judgement i guess so w/e

>>48305403
Hey man, don't go overbard.

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>>48298363

>party is escaping from some bad guy army forces
>there's a bad motherfucking commander there
>it is a stealth set up and section
>remind them how line of sight and cover works and what to roll on the map
>the party meathead immediately runs into LoS of two guards on patrol and throws something at the commander
>as the party is running from THAT disaster one of the casters uses an aoe that produces cover and breaks line of sight purely for the damage

I don't expect perfect play and they're good guys (running a different game with them now) but god damn does it fit the spirit of the OP.

The worst part is it was the last section of a tense dungeon run so I just wanted to do a little off-genre cat and mouse teasing to unwind and finish... you know, looks dangerous, the DCs are actually easier than you'd think, that sort of thing.

>>48308257
>implying movies don't have budgets of SEVERAL MILLION DOLLARS
>implying like 20 different DC universe movies come out in a given month

>tight rope walk across acid pool while wearing plate mail

>>48307434
call it a power trip, whatever

>buy snacks for the party
>they pay me back, all is cool
>do this weeks on end
>eventually get a box of ice cream sandwiches
>none of them take from it, ever
>even while I'm eating one
>never ever
>don't really want to offer them any because I want them
>but never forbid them from taking one
>they never even mention or ask about them
>finish a box of 24 ice cream sandwiches all by myself over a month or so

I don't understand.
I just don't.

>>48315734
Unless they all said they wanted ice cream sandwiches, that's not really something I would call dumb

>>48315734
>>48317097
This is the most fake story in the thread. Everyone wants ice cream sandwiches. Always.

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>>48308145
Two important plot points in the flick are

1) a jar of piss with the words "Grandma's Peach Tea" written on it
2) both the dork knight and the man of murder have mom's named Martha.

These are things that were greenlit. These are ideas that were okay. The only thing that truly puzzles me is whether this movie was better or worse than Man of Steel.

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>>48300482
>One college underclassman had heard that silos filled with grain can combust and explode when exposed to a spark.

There is historical precedent. Though not at ALL like that. Gotta be airborn, steady fire and there's got to be a shitload of it floating around. Something about ventilation too? I can't remember it's been years since that field trip.

>>48305765
You know, I could be wrong here, but that one bit of mechanics might account for a good portion of why PCs are really, really reluctant to run the fuck away.

>>48308376
Wait so he went full Scooby Doo on them and ran while the others settled the matters in the camp?

>>48315734
Dude, your friends are all skinwalkers. Get the fuck out of there.

>>48306065
Hah, motion.

>>48308217
>Doomsday
>being permadeath except by heat death of the universe
...really?

I think it's funny that the guy saying a necromancer would never get the idea of turning themselves into an undead also hates people who try to recreate Naruto, because Naruto has a pair of characters that are artists, a puppet master and a bomb-dropping terrorist, and the twist at the end of their fights is that they turned themselves, respectively, into a puppet and a bomb.

It's almost like the thought process isn't rare...

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>>48309634

>tfw posted in that thread but my reply wasn't copy-pasted

Feels sad man.

>>48309634
>>48318921

no worries, i wanted to read it but it was such a clusterfuck that i couldn't

>>48308336
So, wait, he gets a magical wish of some sort, wishes to be immortal, and you just kill his character? Don't do the classic "be careful what you wish for" story line, you just throw his character in the trash. Some storyteller you are.

>>48302989
Is that the pickle?

>>48304428
See
>>48308290
>A nonmagical object that isn't being worn or carried also takes the damage if it's in the spell's area.

>>48304964
It did exactly what the PHB says it does. Verify your information before you post, and we'll get a higher level of dialogue.

>party raiding a warehouse with illegal alchemist's lab suspect of selling nasty stuff to terror... I mean, criminals
>only few guards, the place depended on secrecy, not heavy defenses
>find alchymistic apparatures and a stash of sealed bottle during the fight
>"I cast AoE Shatter (3.5e) centered at the lab equipment!"
>me:"Are you sure? You're no expert, but that stuff maz be dangerous"
>"Yes, I wouldn't say it if I wasn't sure"
>moments later: remaining guards all dead, party almost killed by explosion and toxic fumes, half a town in flames
>"I thought it will distract the guards"

>>48312605
I've spent many a decade urinating on walls and that, sir, is the most interesting approach I've ever seen.

>Players defending a building against incoming hostiles.
>Give them time to set up defenses
>Player places bear trap in hall
>Another player immediately walks down that hall.
>Tell them there's a trap there.
>They do it anyways
>Tell them to roll dex to avoid the trap by hopping over it.
>Fail
Assault begins with one player already crippled and trapped in the entrance hall.

>>48319517
Since you put the warning in quotes, I'm assuming that was actually what was said.
When it comes to explosions, I find it's far more effective to give the parties warning along the lines of "the air is a thick, rolling miasma of fumes. You're fairly sure that if the setting was advanced enough, there'd be no-smoking signs all over the place"

Hopefully an allusion to gas stations and the like would tip them off. Even if it's not gas, I'd like to believe hollywood has informed enough people about how volatile nitroglycerin is that they won't mess around with it.

>>48319318
You aren't wearing or carrying a boat. That clause seems to be designed to protect the players' gear and items, not to save anything they touch.

>>48308145
People don't go into specifics because it's bad in entirety.

I think I can write 10 page essay on one of the fight scenes alone.

>>48323999
That was my point. Boats aren't immune.

>>48304713
I've never played with people that I've never met before, GMing or playing. I'm saying this just to preface all my anecdotal evidence.

Some of the best games I've had are when players have tried to achieved something besides the story set out for them one. One player spent three campaigns and three characters starting a minor clan, making alliances and ties and eventually becoming a major clan in L5R.

Meanwhile, another player made a character who was fascinated with weapon crafting. He discovered some documents about foreign black-powder weapons, and spent the campaigns trying to find people who would be open the idea of guns in Rokugan, and using their influence to affect the world. Rokugan changed and started openly embracing guns over the course of 50 years as the campain progressed.

Players who bring something to the game besides contributing to the main plot have always been my best players.

>>48324413
But that was my point! Why do you think I posted the 5E spell text as a rebuttal?

>>48325923
Reread my post. I was using your post as a reference. talking to someone else.

>RQ6
>Party is stuck in an unknown land thrown there by the resident Satan
>Dredge through the forest they are in and come across clear signs of civilization
>Locals gather to stare at the weirdly dressed people
>A kid goes closer to inspect them, his father rushes in to grab the curious child
>"Signs of aggression, kill them!"
>Kill the parent, take the child a hostage and threaten the others to show no more signs of aggression
>Start backing into the forest again
>The village elder summons a bunch of thorny bushes to stop them from getting away
>Rush through them anyways and take the damage WITH THE CHILD IN TOW
>Child almost dead, they ditch him and get running
>Two in game days later they try another village and are met with a barrage of arrows from the local folk and more thorny bushes
>Players can't wrap their heads around why they would be so aggressive towards them and fire back
>Get nearly killed, get captured and publicly executed unless they promise on the life of their own gods that they will aid the villages get rid of some resident orcs
>They agree and help them and get going
>Kill orcs, return to the village and demand a reward for clearing the orcs out
>Elder who knows their language (and did earlier because magics) explains that not getting executed for murder, kidnapping and assault is their price
>Players tell the elder that they are horribly barbarians who have no honor and leave the village after flipping them all off
>Elders of both villages curse them so that they can't use anything magical without it backfiring spectacularly

Eventually they realized that they were cursed, but none of them know the right magic to remove the stuff and the locals are sure as hell not going to help them.

>>48326458
>>A kid goes closer to inspect them, his father rushes in to grab the curious child
>>"Signs of aggression, kill them!"
>>Kill the parent, take the child a hostage and threaten the others to show no more signs of aggression
Well that sure escalated quickly

>>48303352
Why? Something more than death is such a fun idea. You could do anythin it doesn't have to be a lich, it could not take effect until you die. Maybe it marks you out for something in the afterlife, maybe you become a literal monster that eats souls for power.

He could've snubbed your lich dreams in an interesting way at least.

>>48320631
Why do you need to roll Dex to step over something?

>>48327483
I guess you don't live in USA.

>>48326458
what the fuck is wrong with your players

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>>48326458
>[players kill someone]
>[Get punished by authorities]
>"What did we do?"

Every time.

>>48327483
Because he was running down a tight hallway that had a beartrap in the center of it.

I gave him a bonus to it. Still failed.

>>48305160
Top kek, anon. I recognized it at the bit with the bridge idea.

>>48317646

Okay, to be fair both their moms really are named Martha, however they were never shocked by this or really even commented on it in the comics.

This is probably because Martha is an incredibly common name both in and out of the DC universe.

One of the players keeps pissing off the DMPC Barbarian who can easily wreck his shit, just because he said swear words around a child.
It kind of fits his character but it's reckless, and might endanger the party at some point.

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>>48308491
>He hasn't read Paradise Lost

Will this summer ever end?

>>48308491
>Not knowing about Paradise Lost

You really ought to have at least a passing familiarity with one of the cornerstones of your culture, even if you merely tried to read it and found it a slog.

And even if it isn't your culture, that shit is like Journey to the West or the Divine Comedy, how do you not know SOMETHING about it?

>>48298363
>Need to try to track a guy back to where he lives or is staying
>He has a lot of guards and party is worried about being seen
>So we do the only logical thing, use the group's dumb muscle
>To kill his bodyguards
>With his bare hands
>And proceed to kneecap him from across the bar
>With a shotgun slug

To be fair I wasn't to blame, I was busy committing acts of terrorism for some sort of distraction. In hindsight this was a terrible plan.

>>48298363
Dark Heresy game

>mining world Sepheris Secundus, a feudal cesspit with millions of serfs breaking their backs in huge quarries.
>party sent to investigate rumors on an impending revolution
>they run into a procession in the serfs's shantytown and decide to investigate
>they follow them to the local baron's fort. The guy leading the procession cuts his own ear and offers it to the lord and his guards, who gives him a piece of paper in return
>It's a mining permit. Turns out this is a fucked up local coming-of-age ceremony: the soon-to-be serf offers his lord a piece of his body and gets a spot in where to mine for the rest of his life. The bigger the tribute, the sweeter the spot.
>party's psyker decides to offer his own hand, hoping to get in the lord's good side. "Whatever, I'll just regenerate it later"
>he cuts his hand away and fails his rol against bleeding
>fate_point_burned.jpg
>he stubles to the lord and presents him his hand
>the lord stares at the handless psyker in disgust and says he does not need a mutilated serf who cannot work
>guards lower their spears and surround the psyker
>psyker wins initiative and cast an overcharged Fear: shock rolls for everyone!
>the baron fails hard and passes out on his throne
>his personal guard goes crazy and stabs him with an halberd
>party wins the fight and escapes. The people see the assassination of the lord as the long awaited time to revolt
>party started a civil war they were sent to stop

>>48300466
Like Potatoh without the P

>>48298363
one time, there was a bomb that was going to go off. So a player wildshaped into a giant bug with a burrow speed, dug a hole and then had another player push the bomb into the hole, while he was still at the bottom.

The bomb exploded, caused a cave in and killed the PC.

>>48304911
/)

>>48308371
Adam West Batman was a better detective.

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I have a couple.

>DMing 3.5e game
>Party is passing through underground caverns to reach their next destination
>Party recently finished a bossfight (the campaign was basically built around fighting fuckhueg monsters that they could scale and strategize against)
>Sorcerer has about 5 Hp left
>Gets sneak attacked by a Choker (pic related)
>Sorcerer grabs Choker's arm, wrapped around his throat, and uses Shocking Touch or whatever the 3.5 equivalent of it is

Basically, my buddy electrocuted himself to death. We all laughed heartily and the players later used his hands as defibrillators to revive him.

>>48298363
>"Okay so we were attacked by undead while asleep.This means that we must rob the countess for her valuables."
>"Okay I'll set the town on fire as a distraction."
>"And I'll throw frying pans at the guards. That way we have two distractions. Twice as effective."
>"Guys don't you think this sounds like our worst idea yet?"
>"No this is one of our best ideas so far."

I was their GM. Half of them got caught and thrown in jail, the fire starter has not been caught yet, and the pan thrower ran away from town.

>>48298363
My players once tried to take over a store

They walked in an exotic good merchant's store, then once they realised it was very expensive they hatched a plan to kill him for literally no reason at all.

So they waited until they were the only customers, then stabbed the fuck out of him and dumped his body in a nearby river.

After this they immediately went "Okay we own the store now", and I was so shocked by how fucking stupid it was I had to take a break. We spent a good 20 minutes arguing about how it doesn't work like that, and you can't just kill someone and take their business in an established city instantly without someone noticing.

The guards quickly found out and threw them all in jail, after which my players immediately quit the campaign because I didn't let theme take a completely irrelevant and non-plot important exotic goods store.

>>48344850
You did the wrong thing.
You should have had the guards kill them on the spot after capturing them, rather than giving them the opportunity to quit.

>>48305892
Seriously, holy shit, you're a fucking faggot of elephantine proportions.

>>48344850
You handled that poorly.
Sure, they can take over the store. Then customers come in asking where the former owner went. Then someone comes with asking for the owner specifically, because he'd requested a very rare and very special item that may be illegal and the visitor is being cagey about. Then one of the merchant's suppliers drops by to negotiate contracts and receive payment for past debts. Then the tax collector comes by.

Let's be honest. You can, to an extent, kill and dispose of someone in a medieval town. No matter what, people will begin wondering what happened. A good lie might pass suspicions off, but the party's actions can still be their undoing. Do you think a group that hatches such a plan will know how to run a business?

Let them run themselves into the ground. There's no need to do it for them.
>"oh, you're just holding the shop for a few months after the owner ran out suddenly on an errand. Well, okay then, do you have that item on hold that I requested?"
>if the visitor is a well-intended old granny who believes the party, cool, they can ask her what item it was
>if not, have fun scrambling through the backrooms trying to find said item
>or, dangerous goods in general. The party don't know that what they think is just exotic perfume is actually a poison that kills after a full day of exposure
>or worse items (see: God in the Bowl)

Or, hound them with suspicions. The party has no way to know if there was a witness. Read Crime and Punishment sometimes. The party knows what they did, they know it was illegal, and they know they're on the chopping block if evidence ever comes up. All it takes to shake their nerves is an old man shouting "murderers" at them while they're walking through the street one night.
Oh, they killed the old man? Now there could be more witnesses. More paranoia. Etc.
How long can they last?

Instead you killed them for getting off your railroad, and because you disagreed with them. Shit GMing on your part entirely

>>48348144
It's far more fun for all involved when the party causes their own damnation.
What is not fun ever is when the party meets their damnation because the GM said so. No matter how good a GM you are, just by existing it's assumed you're responsible if events align against the players. They have to slip up and make mistakes themselves that you can then exploit.

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>>48309554
Fuck off, I got work to do.

>>48348144
>Instead you killed them for getting off your railroad, and because you disagreed with them. Shit GMing on your part entirely
He didn't kill them though, he just had them put in jail.

Players are exploring an underground dungeon and find this giant shaft that leads straight down. There are waves of horrible spider monsters coming out of it.

The players spend like 20 rounds fighting them off and finally manage to kill or drive back the spiders. The rogue player decides he wants to explore the shaft. I tell him the sides are sheer - he won't be able to climb down. I also hint very strongly that there's nothing down that hole but hundreds angry and hungry spider monsters.

He insists though, ties a rope around himself and gives it to the Barbarian.

"Here, hold this."

Rogue runs forward, leaps into the shaft and plummets downward.

Barbarian player looks at me - "Should I roll a Strength check or something?"

I tell him yeah, sure, why not.

He rolls a natural one. The rope rips out of his hand and the rogue plummets down the shaft of spider monsters.

The player looks at me sheepishly. "Guess I'm rolling up a new character, huh?"

As the gm it was pretty fucking hard not to laugh at their shit

Partys mission is to prepare an invasion and pillage

>get to border
>pass guards by bribing them
>not stoppung them from telling their authorities
>burn down village
>sleep in the town center of said village
>their camp gets set on fire by scared villagers who escaped
>they leave because they want to cause major disruption in the bigger citys
>cross a merchant
>kill the merchant
>throw his body in a river and smash his head
>continue with their travel leaving a trail of blood behind +merchants wagon
>go to random inn
>group of people as follows:
>black caped arrogant nightmare mage
>really tall archer with magic longbow
>small earthmage with a falcon in his shoulder
>greedy merchant arguing about price all the fucking time
>huge fucking barbarian with demonic blood
>noone notices them of course
>everyone take their own room
>archer wakes up in the night hearing strange noises checks the bar nobody their completly silent
>no noise from other rooms
>goes to sleep again
>all of the wake up with blades on their throat
>Try to talk themselfs out by playing innocent

Should i have killed them?

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>>48348320

>>48339798
>>48339692
>Questioning whether Paradise Lost is worthy of its reputation is definitely something that someone would do only if they've never even tried reading it.

This happened when i was a player in a rather dark pathfinder campaign our group consistent of a paladin me as a N druid and a cross dressing sorceress named zelda. And our gm has a habit of introducing meta as fuck npcs. One of them is a kinda whacky crazy metallic dragon posing as the fucking KFC colonel complete with suit and mustache. We manage to befriend him and He helps us beat back a lich and his army of undead. We meet him later in his ice cream shop and he tells us he has this script for a theatre piece he wants us to perform. Says we can't take the book with us, but can read it here. Start reading a bit and realise it's accurately depicting everything we done so far, we realise it even goes into what we do next. That guy must be crazy powerful. The Sorcereress jumps up rips a few pages out that are about her and runs off saying we can finally find a character that was an old friend of hers that no one pf the group had ever met IC. Dragon is fucking angry. And i assure him i'll get it back, wildshape into a lion and follow the sorceress, almost kill her and bring back the pages, still the dragon is mad at us and never wants to see us again.

So basically instead of just sitting down and reading the pages containing the information as the fuck ass mighty dragon of meta asked us to and keeping him as a valuable ally for the future , she decides to piss him off and stand with empty hands and negative hp in the end because of a stroke of severe retardation. And can't see to this day why a) no other pc even cared about this person he wanted to find b) what she even did wrong

>>48350648
what if the book was a fake, the past events having been compiled by extensive scrying, while the future was entirely fictional for the purpose of luring the party down false avenues?

>>48348144
Guy you replied to here.

I gave my players multiple chances to run away, but they were so dead set on holding onto their shitty shop owner idea they would rather ruin everything then not get their way.

They can fuck themselves.

>>48350939
Well i have no proof to contradict that, except my experience with the gm and the circumstances of the campaign. However this player did a lot of plain retarded shit and was kicked out not 6 months after that.

Another story about him from the same campaign.
We have been working together with an order of paladins, the Sorcereress was even engaged to a female tiefling paladin npc. We come into a town and try getting supplies from the local large temple. From the description of the priest he somehow thinks it is the lich in disguise and proceeds to rip of the long beard of the cleric just like that. Made us roll in laughter and a lot of enemies in the city because he basically scalped that guy.

>>48308145
I'll be honest, I don't hate it. I don't really like it either but it wasn't a terrible movie. It kinda seems a little odd like they were mashing too many movies together and so much of it drags on and on for no reason.

But the biggest issue was the casting of Lex Luthor. Jesse Eisenberg was a fucking awful Lex Luthor, probably due to the writing, but christ it was obnoxious how un-Lex Luthor he was.

Other than that there were a ton of small problems that made it straining upon thinking about it. When you actually go over it in you head and realize a fair chunk of the film was solely to set up for the justice league, or that Batman, Worlds Greatest detective would get thrown off by someone else having a mom with the same name as his.

The worst thing tho, is that there were seeds set for a way better movie, but they made everything to fucking on the nose, or tied up in other unrelated shit just to cram in more shit for their cinematic universe.

Also Spoiler: Supes dies, just to be shown to be alive at the very fucking end. Christ thats fucking pointless. that part was the cheapest emotional scam I've seen a movie in a long time.

>>48312605
Why did he do a handstand? I feel like spinning on my feet with my dick in my hands is more controllable and reduces the risk of getting piss on mah face

>>48305892
It's really not as big a problem as you're making it out to be. Sure he wouldn't know what a 'lich' was. However, being a necromancer, he definitely knows what undead are, and the idea of living forever is a pretty basic concept for any mortal creature that ponders the nature of death. It's really not that big of a stretch for a man who creates immortal undead for a living to think "Hmm... Is there a way to use my skillset that creates immortal beings in order to make myself immortal while retaining my sanity?"

You're giving people so much shit because the concept of a "Lich" doesn't exist in the setting, but it doesn't have to exist. The idea of living forever is an incredibly basic concept that (as I said before) anything afraid of dying might think of. It's only natural for a fucking NECROMANCER who works with death and unlife on a daily basis to want to use NECROMANCY (i.e. something he's good at) to extend his life in some way.

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>>48326458
Do none of them understand basic cause and effect? I've heard stories about murderhobo players, but these guys are the definition of chaotic stupid.

>>48305013
>>48304713
>>48303494
>>48303478
>>48303399

This shit went far haha (I'm the drink death guy)
Logic behind drinking it was that it was my PC's goal, plus I misinterpreted it
GMs do whatever they want with their story, he didn't want liches to exist, fine. The GM isn't wromg, it's just my character which didn't fit right, I made a new one and things are allright
I didn't get mad, nor did the GM, I tried something stupid and he had the right reaction.
Weak GMs are the real reason why 1/3 games have weebs trying to go full retardAnime with their characters :)

>>48354369
(plus, the stupid death was really epic, my friend used his own cube to bring mey character back to life, pre necromancy version, 100 years before, quite funny)

As for the part about knowing about liches or not it has to do with the backstory. I found it cool, even though the GM found it controversial to his setting
>PC is niceguy the marksman/scout
>Goes in the forest to get shit done
>Troll arrives, hits him
>PC wakes up, should be dead, isnt
>Starts getting interested in necromancy and stuff, study etc
>Wants to open a funerarium with a fellow student
>Game starts

>>48298363
Related to OP pic, one of my players tried to give an alligator drugs. It took the drugs and his right hand with it. It really threw me because he'd been using a two-handed weapon and was on a roll with good, non-retarded plans.

>>48305483
>a) How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?
>b) Where does he plan on finding said knowledge when liches don't exist within the setting?
>c) Why does he want to be a lich in the first place?

"Hey, undead are cool! I'd like to be one of those, but keep my mind!" Boom, done. Necromancer knows undead, he wants to be one but still be himself. Unless you're assuming undead don't exist in the setting.

>>48298933
That's.... Not how shatter works.

>>48306296
>If the only undead you're aware of are undead who lack sentience and are easily manipulated by necromancy then how would you reach the conclusion of necromancy giving you sentience and immortality, especially in a setting where liches don't exist?
You think 'man, I could be the first to figure out how to keep a being's mind intact and undead! As a necromancer I know no other ways of being immortal, so I'll try and work it out.'
>Not to mention, if you're a necromancer then you're probably aware that using that type of power is pretty bad fucking news in general. You don't cast fire and then think "man, what happens if I set myself on fire without immolating myself?"
That's kinda a false anology. Though then, if setting myelf on fire made me immortal but completely insane from pain, I probably would be interested in working out a way of setting myself on fire without losing my mind.

>>48306702
I disagree. That sounds annoying enough to kill the player

>>48353482
>Also Spoiler: Supes dies, just to be shown to be alive at the very fucking end. Christ thats fucking pointless. that part was the cheapest emotional scam I've seen a movie in a long time.
While it doesn't justify it, it's worth noting they just nicked that from the comics Doomsday came from.

>>48298363
>Paying WoD Mutant homebrew
>Being tracked by multiple groups of magic users who want subjects that can survive flesh-rending shit
>Find a geneticist
>Take him hostage to get access to his skils and lab
>Leave him alone with the party tank to go get things ready
>We intended to get some new stealth mutations
>Come back to find party tank just juicing up on random injections
>GM goes through database and rolls it
>He loses the ability to reabsorb water
>Brain tissue starts to develop calcium deposits
>Skin loses all moisture and cracks open
>Flies into a rage and kills the geneticist
>Have to sedate and restrain him
>Spend the next 72 hours keeping him on a constant fluid drip
>We run out of solution
>Unable to go outside due to divination magic
>He dies, bleeding, mentally retarded and dehydrated with his kidneys dying

>>48308517
You ever cooked with wine? Believe me it's flammable. It may not be explosive
but it definitely burns. This is assuming of course that this was normal wine and not some watered-down swill or soured-up moonshine.

>>48355796
Its flammable during cooking because that heats it up enough to create vapors that's flammable. And it would burn only as long as there are vapors, in general, vapor would burn too fast to heat the rest of the wine enough to create more fuel for the flame. I suppose magical burning sword could create enough heat to set a barrel of wine on fire if you immersed in it for a time, but you'd have to do it barrel by barrel.

At room temperature, you'd need 100 proof alcohol for it to catch fire.

>>48326458
I am not defend your players but how comes that village elders know powerful curses?

>>48298363
>Be me
>Playing roll20 D&D Homebrew "New players welcome"
Dumbest thing I ever did.

>>48358000
Why?

>>48357445
Considering the fact that he had the thorny bushes spell as well, my guess is that his Elders were just high level mages.

>>48344575
>used his hands as defibrillators to revive him.
kek

>>48305810
Sounds like something out of Discworld

>>48358000
I DEMAND STORYTIME.

Not really refined, but I laughed like a retard.

I have a group of drinking RPG buddies; we run various dungeon crawls. So, we've finally met after some time, and we're cheerfully rolling dice as a group of low level characters are exploring some dungeons.

Suddenly they come across an ogre! They panic and start running away - ogre follows. Eventually they reach a corridor with a deep pit. Rogue (which was in the lead, go figure) notices it and warns the party with a shout. Miraculously everybody passes their jump checks, and they jump over the pit - all but the ogre.

Now, for some reason, as they were standing around a pit scratching their heads, they came to a conclusion that they need to kill the ogre to gain XP. This wouldn't be complicated if it wasn't for the fact that neither of those chucklefucks brought a ranged weapon with them.

So, pal A takes a swig of beer, looks at pal B that was already kinda buzzed and says
> Man, I bet you're too much a pussy to jump down there, head first, holding your sword in front of you so as to impale this fucker

Pal B takes a swig of his beer, looks at me and says
> I jump down there, head first, holding my sword in front of me so as to impale this fucker

Pal A facepalms, looks at me and says "I'm sorry", as pal B's character jumps, flubs his attack, receives some falling damage and gets squashed by the ogre in the following turn.

Que 30 minutes of the rest of the party searching for rocks and throwing them down the hole at the ogre.

I had a player notify me they were intending to begin acting as a double agent, doing things for the enemy while gathering information about them, which I thought would be really interesting.

Unfortunately she enacted this plan in full view of one of the top members of the supernatural enforcement organization, pledging loyalty to the bad guys, earning the character a beating by the rest of the party who was immediately notified, and a detention. What? Its a fucking high school game.

>>48359351
Not him, but you haven't heard the horror stories about the randos on Roll20? They're the types of lads who keep a MAL account updated regularly, maybe a dA, still, in 2016, and offer themselves up as "voice actors" for AMVs and fan-dubs on various forums.

>>48361309
Motherfucker, I've been sitting around trying to dispel my concerns about roll20 because I want a new fucking group and everyone I know that I could ask is a goddamn flake or not interested.

And then you make my fears all come back in full force.

>>48301346
Transhuman Space or Eclipse Phase?

File: Sloth.jpg (47KB, 350x263px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 350x263px

>>48305483

Dude, chill out and throw a bone to the player.
I understand if said thing doesn't apply in the setting, but that doesn't mean you can't modify it to fit the setting.
If Liches don't exist in the universe then make something that most resembles a Lich, either changing the name or giving another explanation of how their powers work, it may give another plot hook to the story or a personal goal to a PC.
A job of a good GM is to give their players a good time, not the other way around.

>>48307676
>Why worry about the common man when you are a god?

>>48361709
Go on roll20 and screen applicants. Go on gamefinder threads on /tg/ and do the same. When you have four who actually seem cool, start your game.

>>48340124
That's great, did it go well?

>>48321776
honestly common sense would have been enough not to blow up an alchemist lab

>>48300482
I've recently had an adventure end because of an exploding mill in which we all were standing. Friend of mine (dwarf guardsman) was hidden in a closet, paralyzed from some spider poison, right underneath the exploding flour storeroom. Funnily enough, he survived.

Not really a dumb story, just felt like throwing this in here. Though we were kinda dumb the way we got there, but there wasn't really one "dumbest decision ever" that resulted in our failure.

>>48356285
noep, 80 proof does it, also proofs are retarded, percentile alc. volume is best.

>>48367378
Agreed. I used proof because most people here are 'muricans, in my country, we use percentage. I used to be confused by proof because I thought they are the same as percentiles values and believed 100 proof is pure ethanol, which would be insane.

80 proof (40%) alcohol is flammable at 26°C, which is slightly above room temperature (unless its summer and hot as hell). Flashpoint for wine (~12% alcohol) is over 50°C, IIRC

>>48298363
bomp