>You spot a young woman climbing the castle wall

>>44575346
>knees on wall, no foot support

Shit climbing desu senpai

>>44575346
FELLOW AESTARTES! MY SENSORS HAVE PICKED UP A HERETIC AT BEARING 129! RANGE 20 METERS, ON THE WALL! OPEN FIRE!

>>44575346

I snipe her down for interrogation.

>>44575467
BROTHER GRIMALDUS, IS THE USAGE OF MULTI-MELTAS PERMITTED?

>>44575472
How do you interrogate a girl that's fallen off the wall from being shot?

She's going to be awfully quiet and motionless, don't you think?

>Shoot her down
>It was the princess
>??????

>>44575541

Dead?

No problems, my cleric can cast speak with dead.

Besides, the fields always require more fertilizers than the prison need occupants.

>>44575346
>everyone assuming she's climbing the outside of the castle wall.

Alert the guards. The princess is escaping. Again.

I tell her to get down and if she doesn't I start throwing sticks and rocks at her

>>44575346
i piss on her, then i invite my friends to join in.

>>44575589
>>44575632
>Not just firing 60 Multi-Meltas, even if it is the princess
Why do you think she's sneaking out? She's obviously going to the meeting of a Slaaneshi cult.

>>44575503
ALWAYS, BROTHER DANTIOCH

>>44575639
>reasonable anon

Wait at either the top or beneath the wall, and grab her when she gets close enough. Then keep her as a prisoner of the party, ideally to reform and eventually marry her to a PC.

What we did with the ninja girl who attempted the same thing, at least.

>>44576140

>What we did with the last ninja girl who attempted the same thing, at least

Storytime. NOW. This sounds hilarious and off-the-wall bonkers that I *MUST* hear this ditty of yours.

Stand on the wall, and hold my sword above.
Tell her to jump down or else I will.

>>44576320
We were supposed to be protecting the lord's son and a rival had hired a far east group of assassins that were a group of ninja women traveling as a theater troupe. They kept trying to use different means of getting to him and one of them who was an acrobat tried scaling the walls. We found out by sheer luck when the rogue got thrown off the walls of the castle and landed on her on the way down, so the next time she tried it we were ready. Basically two of us just went one to the top of the wall and one to the moat and shined a light at her and waited for her to act. Eventually she just climbed up and the player at the top of the wall helped her up into his arms to restrain her.

Things progressed from there.

>>44576513

Continue. This sounds like a trainwreck that I wanna see go down.

>>44575346

"Evening Princess. Your young gentleman still can't be bothered to call a taxi for you?"

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>>44575346

>>44576546
For the duration of that quest? We either ended up capturing or stopping the ninjas for awhile till they succeeded and kidnapped the son as a ransom means to get their fellow ninjas back. We all got played when the son and one of the ninjas eloped and left us all high and dry, leading to a fight breaking out and the fucking alchemist detonating the bridge we were all on.

At the end of it we ended up with two of the ninjas still as prisoners while the rest left to hunt down the lord's son and traitor ninja, so we ended up just keeping the two ninjas with us since they were useful, and got a ton of shit from the lord.

>>44575541
You eat their brains, duh.

>>44575346
"You've been selected for a randomized search. Thank you for being considerate and already assuming the position."

>>44576669

>lord's son and ninja waifu ended up eloping

Goddammit, stop making me laugh! The loss of my sides is waking up my entire dorm!

>>44576140
>reform
Sounds more like brainwashing

>>44576780
Maybe stockholm syndrome? We certainly didn't torture or force them to do anything, other than just remain our prisoners, whom we generally treated as well as we could afford. We just wanted their cooperation and figured treating them not like shit would get it.

>>44575346
I'd probably just fap at the top and see if I can hit her with a squirt or two.

And then, you know, shoot her down.

>>44575346
Why the fuck did Four-Finger Farnir send two agents on this job. I am a professional I will not have this.

Rogue duel now.

>>44575346
Wall sex.

>>44576710
I don't see what's so funny about it. Think about it - as a lord's son, he gets a bunch of ladies paraded before him that are beautiful, but very dull, and don't know how to handle themselves.

Then along comes this amazingly athletic woman, who is far more worldly than he is, with her troupe experience. And I'm not sure how it happened, but romance blossomed, and ninja waifu would be cute as fuck.

>so stealthy you thought you had slept alone that night but she was in your arms the whole time

>>44578554
Also Eastern so a completely different race, culture and language. The one he eloped with was more a face type though, she had all the ninja skills but was the kind to enter the castle as an artisan high lady in a kimono and such to perform, and would kill by poisoning drinks or following someone to the toilet or luring them to a larder and killing them there.

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>>44575346
"Velcome to my home, may invite you to join me for dinner?"

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>>44575346
Well assuming she's able to climb up despite the lard that's been liberally slathered onto the castle wall on my orders, then I kick her in the face when she reaches the top. No one liners, no joke, no laughs at the action, just a boot to the face and a report to my superiors along with a request that they make a request that the king write a letter to enemy kingdoms asking them to kindly stop sending assassins to climb the fucking walls. We have a gate for a reason and i'd very much love it if people tried that instead so I didn't have to continue ordering my men to clean and reslather the wall in smelly ass lard every day.

>>44575346
I literally run up the castle wall faster than an arrow and bisect her.

You probably thought this was a low level campaign but you were so fucking wrong.

>>44575346
She must be here for the boiling oil special. I'm more than happy to oblige.

>>44575346
Throw my shield at her, then proceed to bash her head in with my shield, then decapitate and strap her head on my shield

>>44575346
I call the guards.
What is she going to do? Jump down and break her legs? Not like she can rush climbing up or she'd be over the wall already.

>>44575623
>Speaking with the dead
>"What were you doing on the wall?"
>>"Fuck yourself, that's what."
>"No need to be hostile.."
>>"YOU KILLED ME!"

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>>44575346
I ask her if she's trying to kill the vampiric lords of this castle too. And then ask if she wants to race me to the leeches.

>>44575346
Call her and ask what she's doing, duh.

>Shape Stone

>>44575346
Same thing we do every time we find any one scaling the wall. Do a quick rock-paper-scissors, to see who gets to run to the guard shack, get the honey bucket, and pour it over them.

>being a guard is pretty boring

God fucking dammit, is Phedre trying to stop ANOTHER coup?

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>>44575346
>You spot a young woman climbing the castle wall
I go tell the guards.

I laugh at her inability to fly, and resume my postal route.

>>44575346
>Ctrl+F "grease"
>0 results

I am saddened.

>>44575346
I can see how this would go down in my group.

>DM: You spot a young woman climbing the castle wall.
>Cleric: I call out to h-
>Wizard: Fireball.
>Cleric: No, wait. We should try to talk first. Get some inf-
>Wizard: You're a wuss. Fireball.
>Cleric: Can you for a second not waste perfectly good fireballs on everything that looks even slightly suspicious?
>Wizard: You don't get to boss me around. Fireball.
>Fighter: Oh hey there's someone on the wall.
>Wizard: Yeah, we're fireballing it.
>Fighter: Oh, OK.
>Cleric: Fuck this shit.

>>44580295
I fucking hate mages

>>44580356
Uninventive mages, certainly. Seriously, this situation is crying out for grease or spider climb.

>>44580889
B-but fireball works too!

Grin menacingly as I gaze at her in my crystal ball. This one will do nicely...

>>44580927
Unless she's immune to fire, or has enough hit points to just not care.

>>44580942
>has enough hit points to just not care
Those types usually just go through wall, not climb over it.

>>44580927
you know what works even better
magic missile

>>44575639
what are u, monkey?

>>44575346
Watch. I'm a mercenary, not a wall rabble remover.

Plus climber chicks are sexy.

>>44575632
Maybe it's the princess sneaking back in.

>>44575632
>Inside of the castle grounds looks like a forest
shit rulers apply yourselves

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>>44575346
I roll to seduce

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>>44575720

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>>44575346
Do a 360 and moonwalk out of there.
I know she's obviously a thief and/or assassin up to no good in the castle, but apprehanding her might end up with me getting rape charges on my ass.

The Empire sure went to shit after Big Red inherited the throne.

>>44580227
You can't search for text in images. Oglaf has got you covered.

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Who /CE/ here?

I hide and wait until she has almost reached the top to pop out and scream to scare the shit out of her

>>44576692
This.

Watch some Xavier. Jeez.

>>44581947
>smear nasty stuff on the ledge above her
>she has to put all her weight on the nasty stuff at multiple points just to make it over
>report her to guards as the one covered in pig's blood

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>>44575735
I SHALL DELIVER UNTO THEM THE EMPEROR'S MIGHTY FIST!

I spook her

>>44575346
If she looks like that? I throw down some food. Jesus.

>>44583704
She has pretty obvious fatty deposits, silly. She wouldn't have those if she were malnourished. She's just athletic and trim.

>>44583704
American please. She could do with some more muscle mass but she's not anorexic.

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>>44581882
This looks so bad I felt the need to rework this.
Good thing I didn't delete the psd.

>Ctrl+F "boiling oil"
>>44579381
Good guard.

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>>44575503
>>44575735

You two are such massive faggots goddamn0

I make her fall, obviously. She isn't beating me to the fucking vault again.

>>44575623
Speak with dead tells you what the CORPSE has experienced. Not the soul that occupied it.

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>>44585044

>>44584102
Wrong. That's not Sixty Niggers. That's Forbidden Love. Completely different screencaps, for completely different uses.

>>44586615
Go fuck yourself, some shit is just embarrassing. That's not a response. If you want to *teleports behind you* then do it in privacy or on Gaia Online, like God intended.

>>44575346
THE CASTLE IS UNDER SIEGE
BRING THE OIL

>>44580889
Or combine Grease and fireball to start a greasefire that water will make explode.

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>>44586645
not any of those anons but damn son you are on 4chan, On /tg/ no less, this whole board is a reason to be embarrassed.

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>>44588453
Too real anon...

>>44575423
Look again at her left foot, there is a foot hold there.

95% of these posts are fucking cringe.

I have a decent sized Ork army now and want to go to a local games night. Is this what i'm in store for? Nerds acting virginal?

>>44590332
Yes, always