Your DM is Dumb

>>44201850
Familiar, obviously.

>>44201850
Can multiple options be combined

I choose all three. In one character.

>>44201850
Love interest, likely.

>>44201850
>Not just killing an orphan's siblings after burning down the orphanage then using a potion to erase his memory and tell him he is your son.

>>44201850
familiar, that is my adopted.

done.

Familiar probably. adopted child is too easily abused for emotional impact, and I've seen and suffered the DM's love interest NPCs.

>>44201901
you want to make love interest adopted daughter, don't you, anon?

because "its okay, we're not blood related" reasons?

File: 1436899070428.jpg (500KB, 1280x1707px) Image search: [Google]

500KB, 1280x1707px

>>44201901
>>44201903
>love interest
>adopted daughter/son
Anons...

>>44201903
Paladin adopted a juvenile succubus familiar, and while she is slowly growing more kindly and honorable, he's slowly being corrupted into wanting to give her the "hot lawful dickings."

Who will win the race? Will it end in a compromise? Oh, the tension.

>>44201970
Familiar treated as an adopted child is kind of adorable and love interest familiar is also within my sphere of depravity so I'm leaving my options open.

>>44202017
>>44202039
>>44201970
You guys make it difficult to post here.

>>44202109
Sorry.

File: Cute horse fluffy.jpg (41KB, 480x436px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 480x436px

Why not familiar and love interest as a combo instead?

File: image.png (157KB, 600x436px) Image search: [Google]

157KB, 600x436px

>>44202319
That mane makes me think of the horse guy from BraveStarr

>>44202109
I took an anon insinuating something horny and turned it into an actual plotline. I refuse to apologize for such creativity and re-purposing.

>>44202598
I think the issue is that it's not a particularly good plotline. You're congratulating yourself on your efforts a little early.

Also, you decided to try and treat what was likely just a joke seriously, or at least without much humor. In common parlance, we call that killing a joke.

turning shit to lead is still impressive, even if you were aiming for gold.

>>44202658
you can't kill what's already dead.

>>44201850
I request to hire a cleric from a nearby temple. God's know they could use the money. The experience he earns is likewise invaluable.

Other than that, I guess I'd be open to Paladin mguffin of the church o DMPC

File: 17397-t3flzh.jpg (115KB, 550x413px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 550x413px

>>44201903
Mah nigga.

>>44201850
>The group unanimously vote for the Familiar/love interest
>so the next session is braving the ice queens fortress in the killfuckistan wilds
>You rescue her, a seemingly normal human girl
>ye gods is she beautiful
>long straight silver hair, eyes the color of bright starlight
>her supple body the color of milk, and soft as a silk pillow
>you learn that she is a flesh doll of the God of beauty, her name is Vanessa
>she specializes in healing wounds
>you spend the next few sessions getting beaten up.
>she heals you without a word, her hands caressing your injuries away
>though her touch his gentle, her face is as blank as a canvas
>The party barbarian dies valiantly in combat
>After the fight the Paladin buries his body, grim determination and tears in his eyes
>Vanessa turns to you and grab your sleeve between two fingers getting your attention
>"Why is there waters falling from his eyes?"
>"That is called sorrow, it's because we lost a friend"
>She purses her lips in consternation
>She's silent the rest of the night
>so is everyone else
>Your travels take you far
>Vanessa grows more interested in emotions
>You decide to tutor her
>"Mirth is the emotion people feel when they laugh"
>and so the lessons continue
>until one day she see's a couple walking by holding hands , and stop to kiss each other
>"What is that anon?"
>"That is a kiss, Nessa, that's love."
>You see determination in her eyes
>"I wish to try it" she says turning to you
>Unsure how to respond, and captivated by her beauty, you agree.
>She takes you by the hands and pushes her lips to yours
>The softness of her lips, and the inhuman cold of her body take you by surprise
>you feel your mind begin to fog up, as your heart beat is sent into overdrive

>>44203760
Cont.
>"I don't think we did it right."
>You are harshly brought back to reality as these words slam into your conscious brain
>You open your eyes to see her slightly disappointed face
>You go to speak again, but your breath catches as she speaks
>"Hey anon, it's getting pretty late, you look pretty tired. Let's head back to camp"
>She starts walking
>You follow soundlessly

Several months later
>Vanessa is learning at an astronomical rate
>She emotes almost normally now
>Yet she still knows nothing of love
>Then one day, on the field of battle, an enemy get's a lucky hit on you.
>You fall to the ground, your lifeblood escaping rapidly
>The paladin finishes the enemy quickly and guards your body
>Vanessa's face enters your foggy vision
>You get lost in her deep dark eyes
>You feel a warmth as her hand touches the skin inches above your heart
>You feel your body thrum as she sends energy from herself inside you
>color returns to the world
>you feel yourself come back from the brink
>Vanessa is staring at you, a small tear escaping her eye
>You stare into eachothers eyes for awhile, waiting for the spell to complete
>Then suddenly, you take both her and yourself by surprise
>You grasp her by the back of her head and pull her into a kiss
>You pour all of your passion into kiss, all of your bottled up feelings, pent-up passion, sorrow, and outright lust
>You feel her mouth work in concert with yours
>When you pull away and open your eyes, you see her face, confused, her brows knitted together
>"What was that about?" She asks
>You only smile back at her

>>44204064
>the battle comes to it's bloody close
>you return to your camp with the party
>Vanessa's quiet the entire way back and the rest of the night
>She immediately goes to her tent
>Somewhat put-off you go to yours

Night falls
>You are awoken in your dreaming
>Something soft, and deliciously naked sidles on top of you
>Vanessa, bathed in dim starlight, naked sits atop you
>curiously, her breasts are devoid of nipples, like a child's doll.
>you go to caress them but are stopped by her as he takes your hands in hers
>she puts holds them above your head
>her slight weight slides farther back
>you discover, your cheeks flushing that she is not totally similar to a doll
>the moment isn't too long, nor is it bread
>you both hit climax
>you feel a wall inside you crumble to dust as you lay in the afterglow
>you glance aside and ask "How did you know how to do that"
>her emotionless face turns to you "The Bard taught me that's what I should do after he kisses me like that"

File: 62092932.jpg (239KB, 500x656px) Image search: [Google]

239KB, 500x656px

>>44204256
>The Bard taught me that's what I should do after he kisses me like that

>>44203760
>>44204064
>>44204256
man fuk you, if i wanted to be cucked in fantasy id go to /d/

>>44204343
Nah man, I'm a sucker for tradgedy. If that happened in real life I'd cut the bards dick off for using the girl as a sex doll.

>>44203760
>>44204064
>>44204256
...Frankly, it seems a little dishonest of the DM to offer a "Potential Love Interest" and, when taken up on that offer, introduce a character who is factually incapable of love. Unless between the stated scenes the characters missed one or more hooks for ways to imbue her with that capacity.

>>44204414
Guess no one pointed out that the party didn't actually kill an Ice Queen in that fortress, eh?

Also, that GM would be a dick, but man those role play oppertunities would be worth it. I'd even try to steer the campaign into finding a way into imbuing love into the girl. Bard would probably still be castrated though.

File: 132942885117.jpg (106KB, 554x439px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 554x439px

>>44204343
>>44204389

Oh, see, I thought the bard just told her that's what you're supposed to do after you kissed her. He didn't actually demonstrate.

But I guess that's the more cynical version.

>>44204256
>nor is it bread

wat

Was I expecting her doll-vagina to be stuffed with baked goods?

>>44204550
Nah, he was totally fucking her on the side. Hell, he was part of the reason she couldn't learn love. He perpetuated the notion that sex is just something someone does, not something someone does out of affection.

>>44204574
>brief
I'm still getting used to this phone

...I should really proofread better.

File: 1450235410385.jpg (411KB, 1024x1598px) Image search: [Google]

411KB, 1024x1598px

>>44203760
>>44204064
>>44204256

>>44204256
At this point what punishment would be fit for the bard?

That's assuming he fucking her semi-regularly.

>>44204588

I think I like the "bard was the wingman" interpretation better.

>>44204784
Yeast infection on his penis from all that bread in her vagina.

>>44201850
>Adopted Son
>"Daddy, why did that man call you a 'bitch'?"
>"Because he's a barbarian, and barbarians are mentally stunted clods with the attention span of a minnow."
>"But there are barbarians on our side, too."
>"Yes, well, sometimes it's nice to have a mentally stunted clod on your side of the battle, especially when he's very strong."

>>44204808
>it seems that my dick isn't the only thing that rises.

File: Lily_Red.jpg (877KB, 1062x1500px) Image search: [Google]

877KB, 1062x1500px

>>44201850

A fairy. Make it a fairy! When my character is inevitably killed, convince the DM to play said fairy.

>>44201850
>Familiar
Easily.
The others could easily become a DMPC.

>>44204343
Yo hold up

cuck

>>44205209
Awh shit desu senpai, filter's gone.

>>44204256
In character, I'd get revenge(likely through some ridiculous explosive runes set up)
Out of character, if the player did it for dramatic reasons, it'd be fine. If they did it cause they find it funny, I'd be finding a different group.

>>44201850
All of the above.

File: w_030.png (927KB, 1119x1600px) Image search: [Google]

927KB, 1119x1600px

>>44204343
>>44204389
>>44204784
>>44205342

You all are doing it wrong.

>>44205721
That's the only good ntr mango there is.

>>44206052

In the entire world, my friend.

Even then it's kinda mediocre. Could be better.

>>44206079
How does it end?

>>44206262
everyone fucked happily foreverafter

>>44204256
The path is clear. Time for a threesome with bard.

File: lewd.png (636KB, 2500x2641px) Image search: [Google]

636KB, 2500x2641px

>>44205721
Best way of dealing with this.

>>44204256
Oh wow, you NTR'd that bard good.

>>44204784
Castrations to cruel.

Just talk it out with him. Make him understand what he did was wrong and harmful. Make sure he apologizes. Then be a man and threaten him with horrible horrible violence should he ever commit such a grave sin again.

>>44201850
The DM offering me "a potential love interest" sounds like a one way ticket to the magical realm

Love Interest would have the best stats and be the most helpful.

>>44201850
Have sex with it OP.

>>44202109
Then don't post here faggot.

File: 1268449070720.jpg (236KB, 764x614px) Image search: [Google]

236KB, 764x614px

>>44201850
It doesn't matter because my party is gonna turn it into an undead slave anyways.

>>44208024
>my private club

You need to learn how to be more inclusive, rather than exclusive, and that also involves recognizing when you're being repellent towards everyone except a small insular group.

>>44208564
>this is my safe space now! Cater to my whims or suffer the force of my endless whining!
Lolno

>>44201988
Could either be
A) adopted child of one party member, love interest of another
or
B) the setting could be fantasy West Virginia

>>44208682
>please stop criticizing me for my shitty posts!

It looks like you're the guy trying to form a safe space.

>>44208683
>Fantasy West Virginia
The the child would be blood related, anon. Not adopted.

File: Doctor_Who_-_The_End_of_Time.jpg (42KB, 512x294px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 512x294px

>>44208564
>sees a group he has no interest in being associated with
>Well I could ignore them and go about my business, but I'd much rather insist they conform to my standards. Sure would be great if the whole world were like me.

>>44208694
Not if your only criticism is "this makes me uncomfortable".

>>44208718
Familial love knows no bounds in fantasy WV. Shared blood or not, the lovin is a'comin.

>>44201850
Familiar maybe, absolutely not any of the other.

>>44201850
A familiar, mine would be either a black cat, a lion or a direwolf

>>44208734
It's not that it makes me uncomfortable, it's just that you guys really don't have much of a sense of humor, and you're nowhere near as clever as you obviously think you are.

You're not really breaking any new territory by reaching the lowest hanging fruit with humor that basically amounts to "I'm going to mention sex! Crazy, huh?", but what's really embarrassing is watching you guys think you're being so novel by treating lame jokes seriously, and "developing" ideas that anyone with an ounce of sense would tell you "if you drop the lewd business, the idea still is worthless or at the most mediocre, but with the lewd business it just makes the whole pretty pathetic."

I know you want a safe space to just say things you think are amusing or insightful, but you also need to recognize that those kind of posts are pretty annoying when you can't even mention something that might have to do with... well, anything at this point outside of perhaps metallurgy, without people like you making the same unfunny jokes that are always made, followed by people using those as an excuse to promote their Slutwalk-style culture.

File: Fucking Pawns.jpg (163KB, 790x1011px) Image search: [Google]

163KB, 790x1011px

>>44208754
Direwolf, you say?

>>44208844
It's almost as though humor is subjective. And once again, instead of brushing off something you don't find interesting, you go on a rant about how no one is allowed to be different from you.

Also, no one claimed the jokes were novel.

I adopt a familiar cat, and leisury fuck it from time to time

>>44208929
The person who makes the joke thinks it's funny/novel, otherwise they would not make the joke.

What you see as a rant on how no one is allowed to be different is actually just a rant about how you rely on reducing everything to pure subjectivity in order to defend some of the least funny posts that crop up in almost every thread, like they're made by teenagers who just realized that they won't get banned for posting dumb sex jokes like they would on the forums they used to frequent.

Ignoring your strawman, the mentality of "defend this post because it is lewd" or "this post referenced my fetish, it's time for me to discuss it" is exactly the kind of behavior that deserves criticism.

I like the occasional dumb sex joke myself, but when you can't even mention dragons without three idiots lining up to talk about how much they want to have sex with a dragon, it get's a bit tiresome.

File: 1264833046609.jpg (54KB, 400x463px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 400x463px

>>44208844
it's time to stop posting son.

>>44208844
I never said their posts were good, just that if shitty posts #TRIGGER you this hard, maybe you need a cuddlier website. Something like tumblr or the neopets forums

>>44208844
None of those posts you originally moaned about explicitly mentioned sex. They just said "all of the above" to OP's question, which was enough to make you all rumpravaged

>>44209125
I'm glad you need to resort to memes in order to try and hold your ground, because that means I don't have to treat you as an actual thinking individual, and just a needlessly reactionary child.

Turning your own thing against you, I'll just say that if people criticizing your shitty posts triggers you, you might want to get off the internet, or, better yet, learn how to post in a way that won't earn you so much criticism.

Defending bad posts just because they support your "agenda" is really sad, and I'm hoping that you are instead just defending them because you're argumentative and dense.

>>44209191
>implying you ever regard anyone who disagrees with you as a person
We all know your kind, friendo

>>44204256
>the moment isn't too long, nor is it bread

>>44208999
Tiresome for you. That doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to shut up and conform to your standards. How are you not getting that?

>>44209162
Not even the same guy who initially complained. I just thought that the response of "Don't like it? Leave!" is the kind of thing that makes a site become an intolerable hugbox.

But, looking at the posts linked, they're all fairly explicit, Mr. Rumproast.

>you want to make love interest adopted daughter
>wanting to give her the "hot lawful dickings."
>Familiar treated as an adopted child is kind of adorable and love interest familiar is also within my sphere of depravity

File: Pripyat,_Ukraine,_abandoned_city.jpg (116KB, 726x510px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 726x510px

>>44209191
The USSR is gonna have to create a 30 km exclusion zone around this post.

>>44209244
What I'm not getting is why you think that subjectivity is enough to protect your ideas.

If you always have to say "Not everyone thinks the way you do!" instead of actually providing anything even close to a convincing argument, you're just going to end up convincing people that the only legs you have to stand on are extreme permissibility.

What I don't get is why you want to defend the same oft-repeated jokes and the same pointless inflations of those jokes, without even bothering to look at their quality.

I mean, are you actually trying to attack me for having standards? Aren't standards a good thing?

>>44209259
His original post was "you guys make it difficult to post here", so the natural response to that was "okay, then don't instead of being a whiny fag".

Nigga tried to throw himself a pity party and got shut down, ain't no hugboxing about it

>>44203760
>>44204064
>>44204256

Saved, this will be forever remembered as "Love Doll"

The fact you did this on a phone apparently makes it all the more impressive.

>>44209385
The natural response was actually made.

>>44202207

See, you lack empathy, humility, and possibly even humanity, so you don't recognize that getting on people's nerves pointlessly is just trolling.

If someone doesn't like that you're doing something, you should have a good reason to continue doing it. "I want to" isn't a good reason, nor is "I have a hilariously pathetic agenda to promote."

If you're just here to lower the quality of discussion by abandoning your reason and intellect thanks to your ability to hide behind being anonymous, than you might just be better off posting in /b/.

>>44209448
Not really. It's your bog standard anime autism waifu and melodramatic greentext tearjerkers are universally shitty

>>44209469
Not really. When someone is being a petulant child, it's best not to humor such poor behavior, lest your youngling become a spoiled brat.

>>44209625
Agreed, but when someone says "Do you really need to make such stupid posts all the time?", I wouldn't call that being a petulant child.

If anything, the petulant children would be the ones who cry "leave us alone! you're not my real dad!" whenever they get reprimanded.

So, by your own reasoning, it's best not to humor people who insist on making the same unfunny jokes, lest they become spoiled brats like yourself.

>>44209354
Hold yourself to your standards, but don't try to impose them on random anons making dumb jokes.

>>44209469
Howzabout you park your high horse over there, get down off of your dildo-saddle, and consider the idea that someone other than you might 'ave 'ad a giggle at the stupid comments? If I wanted high-brow humor, I sure as hell wouldn't be on 4chan.

You aren't representative of the /tg/'s userbase. You don't get to decide what is and isn't a valid post.

>>44209764
What about expressing a wish that they would raise their standards?

>>44201850
Adopted daughter/son

>Come youngling! You must learn how to please Pelor and how to destroy the undead hordes! Take this mace, and come with me!

>>44209469
>abandoning your reason and intellect thanks to your ability to hide behind being anonymous
Maybe reddit is more of your groove then, or perhaps tumblr?
Yes indeed, there are many other places where anonymity is not an option, why don't you give 4chan a break for now and come back to us later.

>>44209820
Whoa, slow down there, Mr. I-want-to-prove-I-have-a-sense-of-humor-but-failed-utterly.

No one claimed representing anyone, and, more importantly, you're also not the one to decide what is or isn't a "valid" post.

What DOES matter in an open forum is being able to recognize when someone has a valid point or concern.

Hell, I love low-brow humor. The key word is "humor." If people just want to post low-brow... quasi-jokes? Almost-jokes? Proto-jokes? Whatever you want to call a "post that exhibits the format of a joke and is a non-committal response, but without actually being funny."

People complaining about lame jokes isn't a new thing.

I mean, I'm glad you've got such a simple mindset that the almost automatic response of "Wait, i have to choose between a dog and my wife? Why can't I just fuck my dog?" makes you hee-haw and guffaw, but at least let the people who are tired of seeing these same kind of jokes voice their opinion that people shouldn't always settle for making the same easiest jokes whenever the opportunity arises, especially when there's people looking for the chance to spiral those jokes off into laughably bad posts discussing their personal fetishes.

>>44209972
The quality of posts is extremely important to this community. Contributors are encouraged to provide high-quality images and informative comments.

>>44209673
>"Do you really need to make such stupid posts all the time?"
Too bad he didn't say that. He said "stop hurting my feelings and cater to me, you meanies!"

Thread officially derailed thanks to one faggot who decided that one bad sex joke didn't meet his standards. Moving on.

>>44210087
Yes, and I did so by proposing that the anon in question try a different community for a limites time to add some perspective.

>>44201903
>>my little familiar can't be this cute?

>>44210099
>I'm a petulant child who's getting spanked, so I need to strawman and insinuate implications!

Too bad you're just trolling at this point.

>>44210104
If anything, I'd say that the guy demanding a hugbox where lame is celebrated was the guy who started the mess.
>>44208024

Just because he can't really defend himself beyond heaping fallacies on top of himself like armor and hoping to get the last word in doesn't make him any less of the instigator.

But you're right. This has gone on long enough, especially since it's clear that the only way to defend his stance is to say "there's nothing wrong with being an idiot," at which point it's the same as admitting that he never had a point to begin with.

>>44201850

Point out that my character is the support

>>44210205
A party can have more than one support character.

It would actually be interesting to see a party with everyone except one guy acting as support, buffing him to ludicrous levels.

File: 1435750484146.jpg (7KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 225x225px

>>44209469
dude fuck off

>>44208564
>that also involves recognizing when you're being repellent towards everyone except a small insular group.

What if that "small insular group" is the fucking group that was there from the start?

>>44208999
>The person who makes the joke thinks it's funny/novel, otherwise they would not make the joke.
Then how the fuck are memes such a big deal?
Also, I'm pretty sure that the post you're complaining about weren't even a joke in the first place.

>>44209469
>If you're just here to lower the quality of discussion by abandoning your reason and intellect thanks to your ability to hide behind being anonymous
>>44209191
>because that means I don't have to treat you as an actual thinking individual, and just a needlessly reactionary child.
>>44209354
>instead of actually providing anything even close to a convincing argument, you're just going to end up convincing people that the only legs you have to stand on are extreme permissibility.
>>44209673
>this entire post

Jesus Christ, do you even look at the pretentious shit you write.

May I remind you we're talking about 3 shitty post and one whiny cunt who was told to not be bitchy about thinks he doesn't like, but rather ignore them.

I really hate to bring out the fedora maymays, but if there was ever a fitting moment to use them, it would be now

I firmly hold the belief that every party needs some sort of mascot. The more toyetic, the better. A familiar or animal companion is practically a neccesessity.

File: hahaspicy.jpg (52KB, 733x481px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 733x481px

>>44210034
nice meltdown.

>>44210195
I'm glad my throwaway post made you freak out for fucking hours.

File: mel-brooks-revealed-the-secret-to-the-hunger-games-money-making-power-back-in-1987.jpg (86KB, 400x300px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 400x300px

>>44210832

>>44206262

Wife still likes the trap's cock better, but loves the husband, and the trap is utterly enthralled by the husband's cock, thus becoming the husband's waifu, so they spend their days having lewd, wild threesomes.

>>44201850
Adopt daughteru

>>44201850
Well, I'd want an adopted daughter/son. It sort of goes in line with my desire to get a squire, so they can just hold my shield for me and try not to get injured while I use my remaining arm to fuck up monsters.