Jacob Quest

Jacob
>Brush your teeth for ten minutes

>>44139363
>Confirmed. Teeth have been brushed for a total of ten standard minutes.
>What is next?

>>44139346
take a shower
then get dressed for the intveiw

>>44139397
>Confirmed. Shower has been taken according to specifications.
>I am now dressed in standard job interview attire.
>I am outside the building.
>What is next?

>>44139426
Go meet the man and be as polite and confident as possible.

>>44139546
>Confirmed
>...
>Job interview status: Unsuccessful
>I am still inside the building
>What is next?

>>44139601
Be Alpha. Go back in there and demand that the man reconsiders.

>>44139654
>Confirmed
>...
>The interviewer is laughing at me obnoxiously.
>I hate his mouth
>What is next?

>>44139685
Kiss him on the lips

>>44139711
>Confirmed
>Kissing maneuver was successful
>Interviewer is enraged
>He is shouting at me
>I hate his mouth
>What is next?

>>44139738
>Threaten to rape him for the job.
>Rape him if he does not comply

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>>44139786
>Confirmed
FAMILY-FRIENDLY MODE HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED
>Raping maneuver successful
>Man is now dead
Senpai-Fri Online
>Secretary is screaming
>What is next?

>>44139738
build for him a tower out of the objects in and around the office. it will show your competence for the job

>>44139818
skin the man.
wear his skin and become him

>>44139828
>Confirmed
>Building maneuver completed
>Interviewer shows no signs of approval
>What is next?

> Be an actual Jacob
> See this thread
> Thought occurs to me that my life might be entirely controlled by 4chan
> Everything suddenly makes sense

>>44139846
>Confirmed
FAMILY-FRIENDLY MODE HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED
>Skinning maneuver unsuccessful
>Tools are limited, and faulty
>Command abandoned

>>44139863
>Humorous post acknowledged

>Woman is still screaming
>Sounds of police cars draw near
>What is next?

>>44139917
kill woman. plant evidence on her. give self minor wounds and play dead

>Attempting to reboot Famm-Frie mode.
>Rebooting unsuccessful
>All filters have been deactivated
>Morality chips have been powered down
>I am ready

>>44139944
>Negative
>No authority would believed that such a small woman overpowered and dealt such grievous bodily harm to the anal cavity
>What is next?

>>44139917
Strip off your clothes, wear the clothes of the interviewer. Go to the restroom and cleanse thyself.

>>44139992
use blood and flesh of interview-man to summon Beelzebub to whisk you away to safety

>>44140002
>Aha, superior command detected
>Confirmed
>I am now clothed as the interviewer, and I am clean
>I have preemptively taken the liberty of disposing of the bodies in the janitorial closet
>Police surrounded the building, but I escaped by utilizing the ventilation shafts
>I am very flexible
>I have escaped the building, and now stand at a safe distance
>What is next?

>>44140067
>walk into nearest coffee shop
>ask for their most expensive coffee, and pay in exact change
>follow the first person you see walking into the girls bathroom

>>44140136
>Confirmed
>I have the coffee
>I follow a pretty red-haired woman into the bathroom
>I still have my coffee, as instructed
>What is next?

>>44140242
Rape woman.

>>44140242
In the deepest smoker voice you can muster, ask if she wants the coffee.
If yes, "accidentally" spill it all over her.
If no, throw it into the handicapped stall and flash her.

>>44140289
>Confirmed
>However, as I corner her, she says:
"Do not do it! I will tell you about the Ants, if you spare me."
>Interesting
>What is next? Proceed? Ants?

>>44140327
Do it anyways.
Impregnate the female.
Leave her alive.

>>44140327
Tell her to continue. Then pour your coffee on her and rape her.

>>44140327
But lock the door first.

>>44140370
"Thank you."
"The Ants are in the CEO"
>"Interesting."
>Rude spilling maneuver successful
>Raping maneuver successful
>Escaping maneuver successful
>What is next?

>>44140421
Leave this rudimentary fleshform behind. It is constricting.
Write about the true lord and savior on the walls, in your own blood.

>>44140455
>Oh Desperate Ally! How I long to accept your command!
>Negative
>I am walking down the street
>What is next?

wake up from this crazy dream. you have a job interview today.

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>>44140503
Beat up the nearest little girl, and then hijack a car.

>>44140512
Humorous post acknowledged

>>44140541
>Confirmed
>Little girl is in critical state
>I am driving the car
>This music is unsatisfactory. Radio is now on OFF.
>I am driving down the street
>Nearby is the Laughing Tower
>Behind me is a museum
>What is next?

Rolled 2 (1d4)

>>44140613
Park next to laughing tower, make sure that (dice roll) of your wheels are on the curb.

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>>44140613
Hit someone with your car.
Enter the museum.

>>44140670
>Confirmed
>Tall buildings are for gigglejacks anyways
>I enter the museum
>There are many interesting exhibits
>What is next?

>>44140729
Claim any weapons from the exhibits,
Don any interesting fashion items, crowns especially.
Behead peasants.

>>44140749
>Confirmed
>I am now a fly-ass pimp dressed to the nines
>The people cower before the imposing stack of crowns I wear upon my head
>They also cower before the zweihander I have acquired
>I mow down peasants as if they were weeds
>They are
>I have a fancy cape, many crowns, a new pair of mittens, and a corset
>I am beautiful
>What is next?

>>44140832
>Command that the surviving peasants arm themselves and follow your command to the city hall
>We shall retake the city for the Duchy of Jacob

>>44140851
>Confirmed
>The humans are hesitant at first, but they follow me after a few executions
>They are armed with museum props and other weaponry
>We begin attacking non-believers, and soon the police are called in
>They fall easily
>Take over the city maneuver suc...
>What.
"Laughing Tower cannot be penetrated"
>My men falter
>What is next?

>>44140939
Torch the motherfuckin building.

>>44140958
>Confirmed
>The building falls
>It represents the state of godhood
>Take over the city maneuver suc...
>What.
"We are being slaughtered! He is too strong!"
>My men are all dead
>The CEO of Laughing Inc faces me
>His face is full of Family-Friendly Fun
>What is next?

>>44140939
Penetrate laughing tower.
With the biggest vehicle you see.

>>44141040
Squish ant.

>>44141040
Smear honey all over yourself.
Take his ants.

>>44141040
Use our mating call of wasps
Wasps > Ants

>>44141063
>>44141069
>Confirmed
>Honey does not work
>I battle him bravely, using my zweihander to devastating effect
>I cut off his head, and my blade shatters
>My outfit is ruined from the combat
>Out of his neck comes the ants
>They are blue
>They are coming for me
>What is next?

>>44141040
summon the tarantula hawks implanted within the impregnated informant for this purpose

>>44141146
Rape the ants.

>>44141147
>I have no knowledge of such tarantula hawks

>>44141174
>Negative
>Too many ants

>I am crushing the ants as best I can, but they keep coming
>The CEO's head is laughing at me
>The ants are chewing my skin
>What-what- is next?

>>44141196
Flee to the coffee shop! Maybe the red-headed girl will know more. You should probably apologize for raping her when you get there too.

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>>44141207
>Ack, ouch! Confir- Ouch! Confirmed!
>I flee to the coffee shop in disgrace
>I reach the place where the girl was last seen
>She has been decapitated, and her head is in her hands
>She radiates an aura of longevity
>I apologize for my inexcusable act
>"How do I defeat the Ants?"
"Fool. The Ants are too strong. You must run to the next world."
"Also, fuck you."
>Damn
>I need to leave this place
>The Ants are swarming the outside of the coffee shop
>What is next?

>>44141245
EAT HER.
EAT THIS FUCKING BITCH.
THEN EAT THE ANTS.
AND EAT YOURSELF.

>>44141245
Wake up. Realize that there are no ants, there is no coffee shop.

>>44141317
>Negative
>Mouth is too small

>>44141318
>Confirmed
>I awake in a new world
>There are no ants, there is no coffee shop
>Where am I now?

>>44141382
You are here>>44139598

>>44141382
You are in a drainage ditch by a rural highway.

>>44141382
you are in your house
it is 9am
find wife and kid down stairs
fuck wife while shes making the girl breakfast
then take girl to school.

>>44141494
then demand to speak to the girl's teachers about her poor scholastic performance.

>>44141422
>Hmm, doesn't seem to look like what you're describing

>>44141494
>Heh, as if I deserve such a life

>>44141485
>Yep, this is it.
>I am in a drainage ditch.
>It's cold, and wet. Rats scurry about, but I prefer rats to Ants
>What is next?

>>44141548
Check inventory

>>44141548
Look around. Look carefully. Find the largest, fattest rat in the vicinity.

Fuck the rat while imagining it's your beautiful wife.

>>44141548
follow rats find the rat queen
or rat CEO
something along those lines

>>44141561
>Interviewer clothes, one damaged crown, zweihander blade tip, one Ant...
>OUCH
>...One cellphone, one banana, lock of red hair
>What is next?

>>44141573
>Confirmed. The rat seems to enjoy the maneuver. This is humiliating

>>44141580
>I follow the rats, but they begin running in circles when they see me following

>What is next?

>>44141585
>rape Ant

>>44141612
>This is humiliating

You ask a bunch of random voices for direction, and you lack the will to refuse anything they say.

This isn't "humiliating", Jake. It's what you wanted. It's what you deserve.

>>44141612
The rat is now our Familiar.
Feed our Fuck-Rat Familiar half the banana.

>>44141612
sniff banana
smear banana on rat
wait
follow banana smell to rat queen

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>>44141614
>Negative, ant is already squished
>I have other functions beyond rape

>>44141641
>I never asked for this
>To refuse without good reason is to die

>>44141682
attempt suicide

>>44141654
>Rat devours banana with relish

>>44141663
>Other half is smeared on rat
>Rat seeks out its queen
>I wait
>Then, I follow

>>44141703
>Humorous post acknowledged

>I follow the scent for months
>This sewer system is gigantic, and every section is more or less identical
>However, the scent of banana is never far off
>Finally, I enter a huge, circular room
>Waste falls from a grate in the ceiling, nearly a mile above
>In the center of the room is the rat queen
>She is just a woman with a rat tail, and a nice tiara
>What is next?

>>44141763
>Take Rat Queen
>Rape tiara

>>44141710
Talk to queen
ask for quest
dont rape
...not yet

>>44141784
>Con-firmed
>Rat Queen is equipped in chest slot
>Tiara is destroyed by synthetic dick
>Rat Queen seems to want to tell me something
>What is next?

>>44141763
Ask her what she knows about the Ants.

>>44141804
Hold the Rat Queen up to your ear and listen carefully to the whispers of her subterranean tongue.

>>44141804
Listen to queen

>>44141804
Talk to queen
ask for quest
>>44141809
supporting

Do you ever look in the mirror, and ever so briefly, think you see something other than yourself?

Have you ever seen a dark shape out of the corner of your eye, only to have it disappear when you look directly at it?

Do you sometimes hear a voice that belongs to nobody, when no-one is around?

Do you remember all the dreams you've had, where events occur that lead up to a noise that happens in real life, despite the mind having no way of knowing the sound would have happened beforehand?

Look, without turning your head, at the shadow.
Dream without dreaming.
In pitch blackness, stand in front of the mirror and open your eyes.

Listen.

Do you understand?

>>44141823
>Confirmed:

>>44141809
>"What do you know about the Ants?"
"I know little, goosh-e. They come and go as they please, as do all lords, goosh-e."
>"Stop saying goosh-e. Catchphrases are for gigglejacks."
"Okay then. Where do you want to go?"
>What is next?

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>>44141834
yes..YES
I HAVE AWOKEN

>>44141827
>I ask for a quest
"Destroy the Underground Inc CEO in my name. I will wait behind."
>Should I accept?

>>44141895
Consult with that which lurks and hides,

>>44141895
Accept only on the condition that she keeps in touch with you somehow. Possibly with a group of rat-messengers and your ratwife.

>>44141866
Find the nearest Goodwill. Steal their finest outfit, regardless of gender.

>>44141895
yes

>>44141915
>We do not speak of such things

>>44141920
"Very well, friend. I will grant you my ring. Twist it, and speak with me telepathically."
>"Okay."

>>44141927
>As I follow my rat-wife in search of the CEO, I come across an old Goodwill. All that remains is a tattered tutu, which I throw over my interviewer clothes.

>>44141983
Jacob, have you still got the smashed Ant? You should put it on display somewhere highly public and visible. Then wait.

You need to send them a message, Jacob.

>>44141983
We need new weapons
Quest to find magic polearm because swords are gay

>Months pass
>I occasionally speak to the Queen, and talk about my adventures
>She is not impressed by my rapes
>She is impressed by the fall of Laughing Tower
>She is moist at the mention of the CEO's death

>Eventually, my rat-wife perishes, but not before she gives birth to two rat sons. They continue to lead my in her stead

>>44142022
>I nail the ant to a wall. I have no time to wait, so I press onward
>The ants will suffer

>>44142028
>I don't have the sword, just the tip
>God I think I know what you're talking about
>Unfortunately, there is no Weaponshop down here

>I keep walking

D̦̙e̞̺͖̭͓͙̥a̻̳̻̰̲̣̗d̜̲̖͙͇wo͓͖̝͉r͎̞̖̲l̠̯d̞ ͈̳̘w̫͍͍͉̰i̪͚̲̤͎l̙ḽ̺͈͕ ͔͔f̜̖̹̣̦̗͕a̗͚͎ll̥̯,͓̣̗ ̣̜̗a̜͙͓͕n͖d͇̹̠̹̞̘ y̥̤̥̬o̭̙̞̯̳̼u̺̗̼̝̞͕ ̭͎̮̦̹̬w̠̥̗̯i͙͎ll͚ b̹̩̣̮e͍̩ ͕̪̜̲̗̼ͅt̮̥̬̰h̻̣̪͖̫͚e̤̼ ͕͈͎̜̬̦c͖͍a̯̭̣͈̼͔͙u͓̝̘̘̹̞se̝͚̩͍̫. ̼̗̮̩̱̩̱Ṯ̗̩̼h̺͖̞̪ͅͅͅe͇̞ș͎̹̖͕e ̣̥̙̙d̘̲̪̲̘̳̪is̖̫͇̬͇tr̞̪͓͓̩̬a͇̦̦̮c̣͚̪̗t̠̝̺̩̩i̳̘̩̯o̪͇̤͉n̖̲͍̟̫s ̭w͕i̘̞̹̳̥̬l̗̙̗̺̟͙l̯̥̤̞͙̖̜ on̝͓l̩̖̦̩̥ͅy̰̘̗͓̻̖̮ ̝͎͓̰̣̻̭s̜̝͓̳̻̪̜t̠̝͉̮ͅa̮̫͖̠ll ͔̯u͙̞̭͓s͙̟̠̘ͅ ̣̗͔̠̠̯f͖̳̖̫̞̝o̗͉̜̣̝̝̦r̳̼̯̱͎ ̤͖̯̩̠s͈͕̩o͉ l̼o͙̩̱͓ng͕͙͎̠.͈͔ ̥̝̤̺͍Y̻̞̲ou̻r̗ ̣͓͍̮͉͚wo̦r̙̱̲l͍͖̫d̺ ͈͇̪a̬̥͍̱̳̬͇n̻d̫̱̗ͅ ̹͖͍t̟͕̳̣̼̭h̘̤͇͚̤͖͉e͉̞̗͙̖̦ ̥͓̗̖̹̖̦n̻͉̗e̦̮̟͇͇͈̹x̖̜ț͚̻͖̙̩ ̳̮̞̟͕̙̲wi̥l̫̬̩͙l͇̜͔̰͓̥ͅ b͓e̜͔ ̯t̹h̬̲͍e ̝͇͙͍b͚r̙͔͓e̫̲ͅͅḛ̹̣̝͕͇͖d̫͓̫͕i͍̘n̟̯̹̥̲g̹͎̟͍̳ ̲͕g̺̦͈̻̦ro͇͕u̝͖n͕̠̻̻d͕̟̯̠͖s̠̭ ̪͚͕̹o̭f͚͓ ̝̙̫͓̟̹t͚͈̣he̲̜ ̰̲̲̰͉̗̯ne̲͔̬͔̝̣̤xt̺̣ g̳͍̭͎o̤̟d̘̙̬,̗̙͉ ͙̗͈͈̹a̖̤n̖̠̣̩͎̲̝d ̗̩̹̣ͅͅw̖e̲̟̭͈ͅ ̹̲͎̖w̩i̞͕l͎̘l͈ fe̮͇͕as͕͉͖t̳̤̬ ͍͔͙u̖͈̟̯͔̮̮p͔̱͖o͖̖̲̘̰n͖̥͓̱͕ ͈i̦̩̣̩̖̬͖t̻̯͚̘̙̼s ͈̰̦fle͓̖sh͎̞͕̩̝͚ͅ,̪͈ ̞̲̱͙̤̼a̳̠s̱̥̤̘̳͓͈ ̦̤̪̜̤̜͕ẉ̘̹͙͓e̦̰̖ a̠̱̣͈̠̝l͎͙̞w͉͚͚a̬̣̮y̫͎̻̞̯s̘͙̝ ͔̦̻ha͓̠v̟̱̲͔͚eͅ.̱̻̙̪̩͇̪
̼̼̱̯ͅ
͕̙̬̭̝ͅY̺̖̰̬̼o̪͉̤͎̫̪u̟͙̦̹͓ a̰r̥̹̰̹̣͎̳e͈͍̬ ̦̫t͚h͙̙̪̞̬̰͎e k̥͖̼̠̩̝e̥͉y͚̬̪͉͚ͅ.
͕̦͈̤̘̫̳O̙̲̺̻̼̙͈P̩͔̪̺E̺N̦̝̗͔̫ ̥͔͔̞̺̜Ṯ̟͉̦̣͍H̱͔̲̯̣̫̘Ḛ͕̯͉ ̱̤̗̠͍ͅDO͎̟̩͖̟̹OͅR̙̰̬̼̻̦,̜͖̩̜͎̤

>>44142061
Forge a weapon from your IRON WILL and ROCK HARD COCK with the FIRES OF YOUR HATRED AND DESIRE.

>>44142033
>>44142061

wait so did we win
is the CEO dead
ok um
lets go find more enemies of the Rat Queensland and hunt them down

>>44142061
Summon a rock.
Use it to bash people's heads.
It's a +2 rock

>>44142126
>The CEO of Laughing Tower is dead. However, the Underground Inc CEO still roams with impunity.

>>44142116
>Confirmed.
>Unfortunately, I only have the IRON WILL.
>I use the tip of the sword, the banana peel, the broken crown, and my dead rat wife to forge the Rat Sword
>It's not a very good weapon, if I'm being honest

>>44142176
Find the DOOR.
You know which one.

>I travel ever further
>It could be years. Good thing I don't require food
>Eventually, I enter an abandoned shopping mall
>No products remain, only crumpled dollar bills and rat corpses
>I look around
>I am on the second of twenty floors
>The CEO is here, I know it
>What is next?

>>44142210
Seek bars of iron, with which to augment your weapon. For the sake of your Rat Queen you must be sure to slay the CEO.

find elevator
go to CEO floor
???
profit

>>44142210
Use ring to speak with rat queen. Tell her that you've found the target, and that this may be the last time you speak with her. Ask for any advice in dealing with the CEO.

Then, INTO THE BREACH. Search everywhere as best you can while staying in the shadows or otherwise out of sight.

>>44142235
>I find a single iron bar in the paw of a dead rat
>I attach it to the Rat Sword
>For the sake of my beautiful queen, I will emerge victorious

>>44142236
>I find an elevator. The "CEO" Button leads to the 21st floor.
>How convenient

>I press the button, and ascend
>The butterflies of great worry dance within my brain

>>44142290
Ignore the butterflies. They're assholes.

>>44142210
Gather currency into a large pile.
Aquire raw material.
Reforge your underwhelming weapon with the firey spirit of several George Washingtons

>>44142290
Use ring to speak with the Rat Queen for guidance.

>>44142290
Summon butterflies.

>>44142260
>I speak to her
"Advice? Do not let him sing his song. Win through strength and strength alone. Sometimes, true mercy lies in murder."
>"Thank you, Queen."

>The elevator door opens with a soft 'Ding'
>The room is small-ish, and very dim
>It is barren, save for a large desk, a chair, and the man sitting in the desk
>He is bald, and he is crying softly
>The room is lined with the corpses of rats and stockholders alike

>It is go time

>>44142332
Swing for his jaw and his throat with your weapon, as quickly as you can. Once he' been too severely fucked up for him to vocalize, work on attacking his limbs. Then

>rape CEO

>>44142332
Pierce his windpipe with your MIGHTY SWORD and the WILL OF THINE QUEEN

>>44142365
>>44142371
>I swing for his throat, as common sense dictates
>However, he springs up like a frog and evades my blow
>Soon, he is doing cartwheels around me
>His tears spin with him
>I am surrounded by this cartwheel of death
>What is next?

>>44142332
push him out window

>>44142421
if hes going in circles face a direction and wait for him to come around
then swing

>>44142425
>I manage to catch him, and I throw him into the window
>Unfortunately, there is no window, so I throw him into the desk instead
>He crashes through it, sending shards of wood flying everywhere
>UI CEO lies on the ground, bleeding, and looks at me
>He opens his mouth, and the sound of harps is overwhelming
>His tears are now blue
>What is next?

>>44142472
Scream so loud that the sound overwhelms his,
And stomp his throat.

>>44142472
Quick! Ram your weapon into his open mouth!

If that's not the best course of action, plug your ears with some of the dead rats in the room, or whatever suitable things are within reach. Also try to kick while doing this, to cover your openings.

>>44142492
>Confirmed
>His singing rends the flesh from my arms, but I manage to out-scream him
>The butterflies within my stomach escape and surround his head, blinding and choking him
>I walk up and curb stomp his throat
>He coughs up blood
>It is time to end this

>>44142522
Suplex the motherfuck
TRIPLE SUPLEX THE MOTHERFUCKER

>>44142522

>RAPE CEO?

>>44142472
Drive your heel into his Adam's Apple

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>>44142537
>I force him up, and the butterflies disperse
>Suplex maneuver successful
>His head has been torn off by the sheer force
>He looks at me, and he finally stops crying
"Capital Losses across the board. My soul is in the red."
>He perishes, and I prepare for the wave of ants
>However, only one ant emerges
>I crush it
>CEO SLAIN

>>44142522
Stab the lower left side of his ribcage and twist. Take out sword from hole and shove in dick until climax.

>>44142580
Now eat his soul and return to Queen for some post murder lovein

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>>44142547
>Rape maneuver unsuccessful
>His body returns to it's original form, a puddle of pathetic tears
>I leave, and contact the Rat Queen
"Jacob, return quickly! My sewers are under attack! I fear the worst!"
>I run as quickly as I can, leaving the pool of tears and piles of corpses behind

This is where we end, for now.

Perhaps the story of Jacob will continue tomorrow.

>Who knows?

>>44142580
Give Up

>>44142633
Kek sure enough mate