Have you ever been on Earth? Is it true you can go outside on

>>43714227
>eat the things that fall from the sky
>eat
Only if it is quite cold, most of the time you have to drink them.

>>43714227
Well, you technically can eat the things that fall from the sky, but they're not very tasty. The really good stuff is the stuff that come out of the ground. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. The natives showed me this thing called "potatoe" and it was to die for.

>>43714252
ARE YOU FROM EARTH?

>>43714331
I already know what flavor potato is.

>>43714331
That's nothing. I heard they take each individual thing, some hunted like we have to, some just growing right out of the ground and mix them TOGETHER!

I had it just once. They called it 'mash in bacon'. I'm not lying when I say I would kill every last one of you for just one taste of that again. It was... Indescribable! Earth is a planet that's been truly blessed - the only world in the arm where plants have evolved to live in harmony with the herbivores, even spreading BY being consumed! Hyu-mans must live lives of such ease on their homeworld, it's a wonder they've even started new colonies!

im from earth ama

>>43714227
>Have I been to Earth?
yes
>Is it true you can go outside on Earth without a sealed suit and eat the things that fall from the sky?
yes
>It must be great to live there.
not so much

>>43714429
>im from earth ama

What is your mass? Do you have any body hair? Have you ever seen an insect? Are parachutes real?

>>43714429
What's earth sex like?

>>43714558
>What is your mass?
71kg.

>Do you have any body hair?
I have too much.

>Have you ever seen an insect?
Not in a while

>Are parachutes real?
Well sure. why wouldn't they be real?

>>43714623
Hot? that's kinda of a broad question.

>>43714700
Hot? How hot exactly? Is it much higher than room temperature?

>>43714775
Would also like to know average gradient.

Terrestrial fornication has been a curiosity of mine for quite a while.

>>43714775
>>43714810
I call shenanigans and supernovae. If mating raised hyumun temperature too much, it'd sterilize them!

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You're horrible attempt at reverse psychology to have me tell you about my species capitol has failed horrid xeno.

>>43714775
sure feels like it
>>43714810
average gradient of sex? I'm not sure i'm following.

>>43714906
Carl sweats as gross xeno blood pools against his palm.

"Just take the fucking picture, asshole" he thinks to himself.

>>43714952
Maybe if we put it in different terms... What is the average human sexual flux density?

>>43714993
I dunno, but there's hundreds of different positions we can do it in.

>>43714993
forgive me but i have never actually studied and measured semen's properties. But if i had to make a guess it's sort of like watered Yogurt.

>>43714227

"It's a nasty place; you hurt yourself when you fall down. Besides, there are too many people,"

>All these humanaboos

AYYYY LMAO!

>>43715178
Cry me a river. Earth's only got 87% of our homeworld's gravity and two billion less people!

>>43714906
Oh god, not you crazy "Human Survivalist" racists again... Look, we LIKE humanity! You guys are the darlings of the arm!

Do you have any idea how rare it is to find a race who's first-contact protocol was to TALK?! You are LITERALLY the only race to have EVER done that! There's nine other sentient species in this neck of the razorwoods and every last one of them, whenever they've met ANYONE new, has immediately started out by shooting! Sure, cease-fires were signed later, but EVERY time, there's been a war!

Then there's you guys with your "We seek peaceful relations!" and your food and your 'cultural exchanges' and- Do you have any idea how the rest of the galaxy sees you? You people are fucking SAINTS! And sure, the Yen'chla attacked your colonies, but did you forget how three other races immediately jumped to your aid and everyone else sold you food, munitions, materiel and medical aid at about a fifth of market price?

You humans are... Unbelievable. You wander around like children; YOUR children mind you, not ours. You expect the universe to treat you well and it DOES because I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to meet a human who's greeted them with a smile, shaken their manipulator and offered them a drink.

>>43715412
Thinly-veiled HFY pls go

>>43714227
Nah man, I've been there. It's REALLY gay in there.

>>43715499
Why would being joyous be a bad thing?

>>43715412
>Then there's you guys with your "We seek peaceful relations!"

The phrase you're looking for is "We come in peace."

It's been fairly standard operating procedure for our space explorers since the beginning.

There's even a monument, placed on our moon by the first humans to ever go there, that reads "We came in peace for all mankind."

It's only when "We come in peace" and "Take me to your leader" don't work that we lock on target and fire all weapons.

>>43715954
Except the Americans, they just fire whenever.

>>43715966
We're trying to work on that.

>>43715966
The people who founded our country expressly gave us the right to fire our lasers indiscriminately whenever we see fit.

And you have to admit that that one time we did save all of humanity.

>>43714227
>It must be great to live there.
It's a fucking deathworld. At least 3 of its major landmasses is full of things that either can kill you or is actively trying to kill you, one major landmass is a frozen wasteland. And don't get me started on the locals...

>>43715954
Translator's on the blink again. I swear this thing gets more viruses and your average pornographic database...

And see, that's another thing that just makes you hyumuns so... Hyumun! I mean, our first moon-landings were one-upmanship, just like yours, but we left marks that said basically, "This is ours now, get lost!" You hyumuns were fighting each other and you went up there and said, "This is for all of us and for peace." Even the Jriians claimed their moon for expansion and strength, never "For peace!"

No offence though, but while I love you guys, you're going to be missed. I mean, the galaxy treating you with kid-gloves can't last, especially with you terraforming worlds like you do. EVERYONE'S going to want worlds that have food just grow right out of the ground and so on and well, you humans kind of suck at warfare, from what I've seen. I mean, how bad can it really have been on your homeworld?

>>43716139
HA! You need to take a vacation to Ro Hess one day.

Actually, really really don't. You'd die in like, five minutes. Ten, tops.

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>>43715966
Don't mind them, shooting and getting shot is a key part of their culture.

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>>43715438
Fuck off nigger.

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>>43715966
>Except the Americans, they just fire whenever.

You forget that the Human subfaction known as "Americans" are the ones who placed the "We Come In Peace" monument on their moon.

That being said, the American subfaction also has a great deal of proficiency in warfare.

The infamous Human soldiers most commonly known as "Space Marines" are almost always volunteers from the United States of America.

>>43716084
>And you have to admit that that one time we did save all of humanity.

The Americans have one of the largest most technologically advanced military forces on their planet.

The first human Battle Cruisers were designed by the American air forces and built by American factories.

>>43716235
So much this. That image has never been this appropriate.

>>43716334
Friendly xenos, tell me, do you support the movement for the United States of Terra? Truly, only America is fit to guide mankind as explicit leaders!

>>43716334
Dude, there's a new mass shooting like every week in America. Bastards love shooting things.

>>43716395
Wrong, there are mass shootings in Europe; there are mass firefights in America.

>>43716164
>No offence though, but while I love you guys, you're going to be missed. I mean, the galaxy treating you with kid-gloves can't last, especially with you terraforming worlds like you do. EVERYONE'S going to want worlds that have food just grow right out of the ground and so on and well, you humans kind of suck at warfare, from what I've seen. I mean, how bad can it really have been on your homeworld?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? do NOT go near the Sol System! what do you think that interstellar no-travel edict was for? PRESERVATION!? you go near earth with a particle caster, photon bomb, or, preserve us, a ship with interstellar travel and all you will accomplish is to give them ideas! then these lunatics will be unleashed upon the galaxy!

Look, to all the Humans reading this, don't take this the wrong way, it is nice that you do attempt peace first when making first contacts but your species is certifiably insane, and to be honest, most scholors are convinced that your kind will blow themselves up in some science experiment gone wrong. The last thing the Intergalactic community needs right now is to have your kind spreading out beyond your home system.

>>43716164
>you humans kind of suck at warfare, from what I've seen. I mean, how bad can it really have been on your homeworld?

Search your information database for any information you might have about the second world-wide war that the humans fought.

It was a brutal conflict. It lead to them harnessing the power of the atom for it's destructive capabilities before they even considered using it as a power source.

You people are a total and complete embarrassment and I despise that you've infested this website.

>>43716164
>you humans kind of suck at warfare, from what I've seen. I mean, how bad can it really have been on your homeworld?
HAH
The very first thing we figured out how to do with nuclear energy, right after turning it into a bomb, was figuring out how to use it to power prototype battleships and global cruise missiles.

20 years after the first successful detonation of a nuclear device, and we had schematics for directed nuclear energy cannons drawn up! The only reason we never built them was because we were afraid the other humans would build them too!

>>43716489
Don't worry bucko, you usually grow out of misanthropy around 16 or so.

>>43716498
>>43716445
Sweet sands-!

They set those off not even knowing if it would IGNITE THEIR ENTIRE BIOSPHERE?! And they lost HOW many people in this war? Just one generation after the LAST one?!

Black hells... Just read up on what followed too.

How are you still alive? Any of you?! I mean... How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"

>>43716426
I think I'm cancelling my ticket for that cultural exchange.

I feel kind of sick. What the hell even are you people? You're mentally diseased. Thank the GODS you don't have anything like hyperspace technology yet and you're just puttering along on chronodynamics. I don't think there's any way for you to accelerate enough to really use those, is there?

I don't think hyumuns are stupid though, are they? I mean, you're still using chemical propellant kinetic weapons for personal arms, with chemical or atomic-motor missiles and some light lasers for ship-to-ship. No-one in their right mind would start a fight with that against particle blasters and photonics. You're crazy, but at least you're harmless-crazy.

I feel dirty... Like I've been living a lie...

>>43714623
You know about as much about it as I do

>>43716368
You Americans are an odd bunch. You're among the most scientifically and technologically advanced nations on your planet, and among the most militarily powerful as well.

But you also have a lot of internal conflicts and your politics are unpredictable.

The only thing I can say for certain is that the Humans from America tend to be some of the most well known leaders on your planet, but there are a few other nations that are similarly strong in various scientific, technological, and military accomplishments.

Although my limited experience with Human popular culture does seem to indicate that world-wide human culture is heavily influenced by America.

I have a healthy respect for what America can accomplish for humanity. Your competition against the Russians in space accomplished wonders for the technological advancement of Humanity.

But I still think you occasionally need some guidance and oversight from the rest of your species. Or at least cooperative efforts with them.

This is definitely a HFY thread. Oh god.

>>43716543
>Don't worry bucko, you usually grow out of misanthropy around 16 or so.

Don't listen to this guy. I'm close to double that age and I still tend to highly dislike most people most of the time.

>>43716793
And? If you don't like it hide it and move to another thread

>>43714429
Have you met Pepe?

>>43716644
>How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"


We got better.

>>43716644
Humans are highly psychologically volatile. The base principles of their minds are either immutable or nearly-immutable, but the higher behaviors are malleable.

This means that, even though on the whole they want to be peacefully helpful (in general), there's enough internal volatility to do things like use precious Period 7 elements to make really big thermal weaponry.

>>43716827
Growing old is mandatory.
Growing up is optional.

>>43716644
>How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"

"We come in peace" is an ideal. It's something we strive for. Especially because of the atrocities of our past. We don't always like up to it. But we try.

It's why our exploration ships can also double as warships when required.

We always try for the peaceful option. But when all else fails, we do know how to fight. And we've fought some tough battles.

Have you hear of the Battle of The Line? Our military stood no chance. Enemy warships we're almost in orbit of our home world. And even then, knowing that the mission would probably be suicide, we gathered all of our remaining forces for one last fight. And we held the line. The enemy fleet was held at bay long enough for Allied Forces to come to our aid. And with the help of our allies from other worlds we broke the back of the enemy fleet. They threw everything they had at us, and we won with the help of our off-world Allies.

>>43716644
>How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"

Let me tell you something my non-human friend. I don't understand the religious fanatics on this planet either.

They're obsessed with death. And a "life" after death. They're convinced of this otherworldly reward that awaits them if they die doing the work of whichever god they worship.

Holy wars were waged over whose religion was right, whose god was more powerful. Or who had the stronger claim to locations scared to more than one religion.

Far too many battles have been fought by humanity because of idiotic reasons like "God wills it!" or "Death to the non-believers!".

Not that wars for resources or territorial expansion make much more sense, but at least they're motivated by something a bit more real.

>>43717163
yes, yes, look, the problem is not nessisarily that you have a violent past, it's more the insane amount of risks you take in advancing science and technology and utter lack of concern for self preservation that worries us.

Technically we honestly cannot even accurately gauge your species' technological advancement because you pursue technologies that no other species chose to develop due to the potential dangers they presented. so honestly the bigger fear is that your species could cause a major intergalactic disaster not as an act of war, but because you 'wanted to see what would happen'...

>>43717494
A fine hat you have there

>>43717494
You say that like we don't have religions too. Faith's important. I'm faithful.

I just have never heard of anyone but a human killing someone over faith before...

A great example to teach about human culture, >>43717608 is clearly imitating what is often referred to as a 'faggot' on Earth.

>>43717576
That sort of behavior is to be expected on a species that developed on a planet as safe and convenient as Earth. They don't comprehend apocalyptic risks in the same way every other species does, because there weren't any of such risks until recently.

>>43717576
Are you seriously trying to tell me that over-cautiousness is why so many species in the galaxy aren't really all that much more technologically or scientifically advanced than humanity?

Surely you must have great geniuses on your worlds. Beings whose insatiable scientific curiosity has driven your civilization forward.

Surely the entire concept of "What could possibly go wrong?" isn't exclusive to humanity.

>>43717608
The translation matrix must be broken again. I'm not wearing any hat.

But I do appreciate the compliment on my non-existent head covering.

>>43717494
>Not that wars for resources or territorial expansion make much more sense

Come on, there's essentially nothing that makes *more sense* than conflict over resources and territory. Virtually all sapient life in the galaxy, even those of species that renounced violence long ago, owes their existence to the fact that their ancestors were the ones who succeeded in obtaining those resources. You aren't going to find intelligent life that developed on worlds where everyone had enough.

Also

>Or who had the stronger claim to locations scared to more than one religion.

Territory.

Those conflicts which are over seemingly irrelevant things like whose deity is better are still fighting over whose tribe will be ascendant, and thus it makes perfect sense.

>>43717899
It's less that we fought over religion, more that religion was used to justify wars

>>43717944
Except that people back then actually believed in their religion so most of the holy wars were actual fucking holy wars. They got land and shit from them but that was more because they believed themselves to know better about religion and a desire to change the people living there than anything else.

>>43717944
Yeah really. An attempt to link up one of the most typically demoralizing of acts (wandering off with your mates to go kill and possibly die, getting filthy, stranded and far from home) with some sort of higher, transcendent meaning is not an ignoble impulse.

Can anyone here confirm if humans are mostly known for their "Dank earth memes"

I had sex with a human once (don't judge me)
It had the biggest glhbark I have ever seen, it was unbelievable.
Their penises are tiny though.

>>43718062
Yes, human culture and economics on their homeworld anyway is primarily based off memes supposedly.

>>43716426
>>43717576
>>43717762

Hello, I'm a human currently living on Lunar Transfer Colony 7. I work as a low-grav and vacuum work instructor teaching younger humans how to work in such environments. The gear we use is pretty crude compared to your standards. Humans are still just getting their foot in the door even though we have colonies on Mars (Sol 4 in Interspecies Trade Encyclopedia), Europa, moon of Jupiter (Sol 5), and we have several colonies on Saturn's (Sol 6) moons. You're worried about us leaving our home system, but it's going to happen eventually.

Earthlings are space niggers
They they're fat slobs that secrete smelly liquids all the time
Their only interesting traits are their deviancies and madness
Do not feed the earthlings

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>>43715178
"Your reference is to subtle, Dave."

What's worse; you said it or that I got it?

>>43716368
Fuck you and your jewish overlords.

>>43718665
And boy are we going to spark some fires! Well go forth with the fury of ten thousand suns.

>>43721281
Go scorch some frogs, muzzy.

>>43721248
>to

>>43716644
>How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"

I was fortunate to have a discussion with a human in which the topic of military doctrine was broached. During this conversation I learned of a little known earth saying that you may find illuminating. It went like this:

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

Think about that for a moment.

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Query: What do Humans mean when they refer to "genitalia"?

>>43716426
Listen to this guy, there's reason that we don't go near Earth. Humans are tough, clever and breed VERY quickly, hells, we're still researching defenses against them. Turns out they can drink most of the ammunition we use in our weaponry, they call it "soh-dah" or something

>>43727138
See, that soda thing was cool, but you had to ruin it with that unashamed wanking about "hurr tough clever breed fast hue hue".

This is why people complain about HFY.

>>43727271
Honestly, aliens that use soda based weapons might be used to fighting things weaker than humans. Unless they are Mentos men that explode on contact with Coke or something.

>>43727406
I don't find it hard to imagine that some chemical mundane and harmless on earth could be the deadliest substance ever to a possible alien species, and vice versa.

>>43714227
Where you from friend? Do you hail from the eternal flesh halls or the great underground?

>>43726309
Organic data transferring ports that also decide their function and programming.

>>43727271
I meant "clever and tough" as compared to aliens what use soda guns, but I can see why it could come across as HFY. Sorry.

>>43727686
Well, if they use soda guns, then most of the enemies they've encountered probably react to it as if it were an acid or sedative or something like that.

>>43715832
We have explaining for you.

>>43721248
>>43725461
That gives me an idea for a story where a crew wake up on what seems like their ship but is just a copy and they're being studied by an alien species. The only clue is that their AI is suffering from spelling mistakes that should be beneath it.

>>43716644
>How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"

i would like to think that this explains it somewhat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbuUW9i-mHs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NC45TRP4lq0

>>43716644
>How the HELL do you go from systematically slaughtering millions of your own people over the course of decades, over differences in RELIGION, of all things, to "We come in peace?!"
The human meta-society's collective memory is way way shorter than any individual human's memory.

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>>43729074
>meta-society