>A gigantic eyeball is terrorizing the kingdom.

I poke it with a giant eyelash

What is it doing?
Stare into windows?

I cast "summon newfag" to get someone in this thread complaining about the thread's existence as if we haven't had single-line greentext fluff starters since 2007.

Then after the giant eyeball is distracted and begins to roll itself, I stab the vulnerable undereyebelly.

>>43575618
Fucking beholders.

>>43575670
Under eye?

>>43575666
It will shoot little mini eyeballs out of it's eyehole.

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>>43575670
I HAVE ARRIVED!

OP is a huge faggot!
This thread is shit!
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT!

>>43575618
POKE THE MOTHERFUCKER

>>43575618

I get that motherfucker some giant eyedrops.

Holy shit.

>>43575618

Have an alchemist make it some visine. Now calmed, the creature leaves peacefully.

>>43575618
I lick it.

>>43575618
How?

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>>43575618
Stand back peasants.

command peasants to only grow onions. Kingdom will starve of hunger but at least the monster eye will cry.

>>43575948
This

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I have the party artificer craft a giant monocle then have the wizard curse it with a curse of progressive macular degeneration; and offer it as a bribe to leave the kingdom alone.

>>43576016

IT SEES THROUGH YOUR PETTY TRICKS AND VAPORIZES YOU WITH IT'S EYELASER, THEN PROCEEDS TO DESTROY THE KINGDOM, EXCEPT FOR YOUR WIFE, YOUR WIFE IT WATCHES GET RAILED BY THAT ONE GUY YOU HATE.

>not getting together a party of 9 mercenary murderhobos, killing the eye, and then wearing it as a hat.

I kick the ground, creating a big cloud of dry dirt.

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>Sign up stating "NEED ADVENTURERS"
>Small snake in the middle of the road
>Been there for a couple of days and doesn't hurt people that walk by but looks mildly annoyed

>>43576371
I roll to detect vorefaggotry.

>>43576371
Sounds like a cursed Druid. Or an annoyed snake. Either way I defer to the Druid to deal with it.

>>43576437
All right, perception check. d20.

>>43576510
How do I roll?

>>43575963
necessary sacrifice
who needs the peasants anyway, my food comes from servants

>>43576510
dice+d20

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>>43576525
>>43576544
nice

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>>43576525
>>43576544
Put "dice+1d20" in the "Options" field when you post. You can change the type of die and the number of dice rolled by altering the proper numbers, e.g.:
>"dice+1d20" rolls 1 twenty-sided die
>"dice+3d6" rolls 3 six-sided dice
...and so on. Welcome to /tg/, read the sticky.

>>43575618
I hire 9 mercs to fight this giant eyeball.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

Thought email mean't comment.
Fuck my life, been on this board for years and I never thought to do that.

>>43576589
Why 9? Why not 8?

>>43576589
You can't just hire mercs that's like hiring other mice to go through the mouse trap for you so you can win.

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>>43576622

It's obviously one part of a giant head that has been torn asunder. I will need to find the OTHER giant eyeball, the giant mouth, the giant nose -hear that one's in the merchant district-, and the giant ears, form a giant head out of clay and let nature take its course.

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>>43575618
DON'T WORRY GUYS, I'LL BE REALLY DEPRESSING AND INCONSISTENT AT IT!

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>>43575618

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Fucking hell... Dick is at it again!

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>>43575944

>>43576585
>Welcome to /tg/, read the sticky.

The sticky that tells him to put the syntax in the email field.

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>>43575618
>A highly incompetent evil wizard has welched on a seedy loan from a local gang, and has requested your help in smoothing things over before they cut off another one of his fingers.

>>43577194
Oh, huh. I hadn't even realized that was outdated. Who should we shoot an email about this?

>>43578480
Mods obviously.

>>43575769
Get a Thorns potion and kill it with the Ball 'O Hurt.

>>43577357
Call upon the US Marshal from Beyond the Void. Have him put in wizness protection.

>>43576007
The eye is possessed after the original owner made the mistake of reading an occult explosives manual. He's a great bomber now though

>>43575618

Onions, a lot of fucking onions.

I go to sleep.

>>43575958
I came here to make sure the threat posed by this menace was properly addressed.

Well done, anon.

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>>43575618
Release the hornets!

>>43579893
The giant eye watches you sleep.

>>43580133
I close the curtains.

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>>43580108

>>43576074
>sees through

kek'd

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>>43580108
This isn't the picture I was looking for, but it'll do.

>>43580200
The giant eye is in your house

>>43575958
Wow...

>>43581371
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

>>43575618
but can it see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch?

>>43576615
Because then the joke wouldn't work

>>43575618
run for my life because the necrons are not around to deal with the enslavers

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>>43575618
Oh, hey, a Roy Thomas' comic, cool!

>The eyeball is recruited to be the king's astronomer.

>>43575769
What are THOSE eyeballs doing?

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>>43576967

>>43583969
Ramming into people.
VIOLENTLY!

>>43583987
That sounds about as effective as using wet gummi bears as a ranged weapon - at best, it's both messy and annoying.

>>43585397
The mini-eyeballs explode.

Also, if you do sufficient damage to the big eye, it gets angry and fires them faster.

>>43575618
>I annoy it with a Lazer pen.

>>43575618
i know exactly why its here its looking for vizine because it wants a clear eye

>>43580108
>>43581371
My Foreman has a phobia of wasps. Not just a casual fear, an actual phobia.

These images are going to prove useful in the immediate future.

>>43586240
godspeed you crazy bastard.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>43575618
I offer the eye a tribute of eyedrops and pornography.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>43575618
>tfw my Fighter is finally usefull for once
I roll Improved Dirty Trick to throw sand at it.

>>43575618
Have the salt mines run dry? Weaponized salt will fix that.

S A N D
A
N
D

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>>43575618

Give it a dab of pic related, it'll chill out Probably join your merry band.

>>43575958
What's Ben Stein going to do about it?

>>43575618
>A giant eyeball is making the entire kingdom incredibly self-aware.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>43576585

>>43587882

I think you mean "self-conscious", mate.

>>43587923
Self-aware would be more terrifying however.

>>43588121
>oh god I'm a kingdom
>why do I know I'm a kingdom
>how am I thinking

>>43587920
...you do not detect any obvious signs of vorefaggotry in the area...

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>>43586573

>>43586403
The eye is angered by your shitty eyedrops and porn. It doesn't like vorefaggotry.

>>43576543
>2015
>not just eating the peasants and saving on money

Build a giant robot, and call him birdhead

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>43575618
I smite the eyeball!

>>43575618
>red eye
I offer him the dankest of weeds the kingdom can offer and weed incense as a gesture of good will.

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I roll for tabasco.

>>43575618
>give it a pickle
>Laugh as it cannot eat the pickle

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>>43575618
look for the other one, they always come in pairs

15 and eye dies

onion it

>>43587678
He was the mascot of a company that sells eyedrops for decades.

>>43575618
What does it look like?

>>43575618
I show it what I've got.

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>>43575618
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fTas8gvitI
>28:30