*passes the ball to you* C'MON ANON

>>78095580
But i am grill

*pass the ball back*
Tucaball, bitch.

wogball is gay

>Rolls ball up the back of my leg
>flick the ball up in the air
>turn around
>BICICLETA

Cringe

Just hoof it

>
*lose it*
eh, nothin personnel, teammates

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>>78095580
*jump up*
*kick goalie in face*
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY

>>78095663
heh

*does a kickflip*

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i-i got it

*scores own-goal*

>match ends 0-1

Next time dont pass the ball to me, punk

*takes a touch*
*gets head up*
*lines up easy 10 yard pass*
*takes eye off ball*
*watches as bouncing, off-target pass results in teammate getting brutally tackled and losing the ball*

*flick it up under my shirt*
*grab the bottom of shirt and hold the ball in*
*walk into the net*

there, solved your dumb sport

>>78095616
>In Argentina
>playing footy with the lads
>some brazilian bros want to join the game
>literally the most embarrassing day of my life

you guys can play, holy

hello foreign.

>slip and fucking die on the grass due to neck snapping
fuck you juan

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*gives the ball for your penalty*

DON'T FUCK IT UP ANON

>>78095991
>*kicks the ball directly into the keeper's hands*
h-heh..
Captcha: Keilor Vargas

>>78095824
kek

I know this feel, I was visiting a friend in Utrecht, Netherlands several years ago, and he plays lower division football there. So he invited me for a game between his bros.

I wasn't even good in school and I was easily the best player on the pitch there, most goals, most assists, most dribbles, most everything.

>>78096072

Most gay

>>78096232
true, you rekt him leaf

>>78096072
stop lying, faggot

>>78095580
>dribble a bit
>opening for a player
>waiting to time the pass so player can go through in complete clear
>parents at touch line
>PASS PASS PASS PASS THE BALL
>pass it earlier than i wanted/needed too
>amounts to nothing

>pass back
>look around for the big cunt up front
>point towards him indicating a big punt down the field so I can get a knock on
>start running towards their goal
>goes out for a gk

*hoof the ball with all my strength towards opposing team goal*

>>78095824
I don't know how to play. I'm a complete "perna de pau"

*picks up the ball*
*runs away while farting*

>>78095697
you now remember when pepe was fun and not ruined by /pol/redditors

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>>78095580
>see someone making a run on the other flank
>try to switch the play
>goal kick

Dribble

Take a shot

Miss completely

Say my bad

Hold my leg and pretend to limp a bit so it seems that that is the reason I missed.

>>78099961
Kek

>>78099994
>Look at the ground, shake my head in disbelief and pretend to stamp down some turf
>The pitch is actually in perfect condition
>Cry myself to sleep

>>78099994
>>78100046
Kek

nothing worse than when someone makes these threads and an Amerishart tries to fit in by pretending he played in his youth. fucking cringe

>>78096072
and then the ball clapped

>>78095824
>play causal football with bunch of exchange students 2-3 times a week
>chat with the two brazilian guys
>"you play really good anon"

it was the best compliment i've ever had
my footy confidence is perma-boosted now

>>78100089
What if they were just making fun of you, anon?

>>78100089
>causal football
I prefer consequential football

>>78095824
Played in a league with a Brazilian team. Literally the dirtiest and unsportsmanlike team ive ever played against. Styled on them and got the shit kicked out of me for it kek

>>78100147
cringe.
>>78100068
This guy predicted it, too

*tears ACL*

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>>78100171
>56%

>>78100111
i am usually super resistant to accepting compliments but i know this one was sincere

you guys don't joke about that r-right

>>78100115
lel'd

>playing with the lads
>im average close to bad
>A gf of a friend comes to watch and brings a girl
>I suck so i just dont give a fuck and play normally
>mid game we chat a bit and i say that if i score ill dedicate the goal to her.
>in, 3 minutes and i actually score.
>look at her and wink
We fucked 2 days after. Football literally got me pussy i love the sport.

>>78100197
We do, but if you're actually good at footy they definitely meant the compliment. We tend to be nice to people from other countries

>>78095580
*Toe punts at you*
AVE ITTT

>>78100232
>Colombian friendship

>>78100253
I fucked the friend of the gf not the gf of my lad i would never do such a thing.

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>you will never be a Brazillian playing footy with the lads

>>78100251
W-Wes?

>>78100275
Oh. Good lad, then. Good lad.

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>>78100276
>I suck so I still don't play footy with the lads

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> Join the university law team
> Never start a single game
> play 5 min average every game
> made it to finals
> lot of injuries that day
> "you gotta start anon"
> sheeeeit
> pick the ball from a hoof, sprint half the court, shoot and score
> no one is cheering
> "anon the ball was out from the start"
> haha yeah

tfw

>>78100234
you are, not to suck your dick but every Brazilian i've met have been friendly af

>>78100147
Nah, you are just mad because we called you fat. But we only do it because you are fat.

>Be in HS
>Girl I like plays soccer
>Eventually get her as my gf
>She eventually plays me for fun
>Never played """football"""
>This'll be a piece of ca-
>Get tackled to the ground and get the ball stolen by gf
>Fuck up my wrist and can't move it
>We stop and she feels horrible about it
>Try to play it off but can't cuz it hurts like fuck
>I pound gf to distract me from the pain
>Go to ER since my wrist is swollen
>Find out I broke my wrist
>Gf breaks up with me a month later for a soccer boy
Bitch broke my wrist and broke my heart

>>78100394
True

>>78100346
Kek

>>78100346
TOP KEK oh poor lad.

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>Attempt to kick it
>Get timing wrong
>Ball goes under foot
>Have to awkwardly jog back to get it again

CRINGE

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>kids drop ball from the top of a wall
>decide to kick it back for once in my life, instead of throwing it with my hands or ignoring it like a supreme Beta
>mfw it flies right into their hands

>>78100346
LMAO nice one

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>when you see the ball coming towards you

>>78100068
>he never played highschool sports
LMFAOOOO that fucking sucks kid

I scored a goal in a tournament for my school once but my dad didn't arrive until second half.

>>78100521
t. nerdy kid with glasses who wasn't allowed to play sport

>be goalkeeper
>team is average
>have 10 shutouts out of 16 season games
>go to states
>win every game 1-0 or 0-0 and in PKs
>win states

Fucking loved that shit. Sucks that you retards couldn't ever even imagine something like this and will call it fake

>>78100521
cringe
>>78100068
British Nostradamus ladies and gents

>>78100529
See>>78100539

Funny that a Brit is calling an American a nerd though lmfao you queers all look nerdy as fuck.

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I'm gonna play tonight.
2 hours of Futsal.
3 teams of 5 players.
Apparently some of them play very well and I'm old as fuck.
Haven't played in ages.

Wish me luck.

>>78095991

Why would you let a one legged player take the penalty?

>be British, a beaner, or nigger
>think Americans don't have some of the best organized youth sports in the world
>immediatley remember you live in a third world country
Kek

>>78100566
>can't play sports
>because he is too fat
>calls himself human
lmao

>>78100539
cringe again
>>78100068
This man is a prophet.

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>>78100276

>>78100559
just pace yourself lad

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>>78095580
alright i got this

*cuts inside*

>pick up ball
>tuck beneath my arm and run straight at them pretending im Ezekiel Elliott
>stiff arm a few knocking them over
>spin off a few more
>reach the end zone and spike the ball down celebrating my touchdown
>"this isn't rugby mate"
>get pissed and walk off

>>78100566
cringe
>>78100068
This guy is on fire

>>78095580
>poor first touch
>hurry to get it back
>turn around to protect the ball
>pass it backwards because it is the only option left

>>78100644
Sounds like Man Utd lol

>>78100566
>He says as America enters it's 52% year

ITT: Der AmerikANUS gets BTFO

>>78100837
Can you imagine being fat?

>High school cup final
>up 2-0 and cruising,i'm playing particularly well
>misplace 5 yard pass right to an opponent
>lunge in and try to rectify my mistake
>completely take him out and hurt him in the process
>he hobbles off injured and I get a red card for my troubles
>lose 5-2

Minibus home was one of the worst experiences of my life

>kick it as hard as I can downfield
>tell everyone I'm the sweeper and that's what I'm supposed to do

>>78100852
n-no
h-haha

;_;

>>78095580
*passes the ball back*
Y-you too

>>78100577
>spics
>human

>living in Brazil
>considering yourself the same species as Caucasians

Wow lol

>>78100867
Cringe

Also

>British education

LELL

>>78095580
*slips*

>>78095580
>wonder why he kicked the ball to me
>look around nervously
>see some jacked cunt that looks 20 running towards me
>pass ball back to someone who knows what there doing
>go back to standing awkwardly in defense or goalie position trying not to get ball kicked in my face for the rest of the game

>>78101007
>his race is his greatest achievement
>he's still fat

>>78099977
Holy niggers you lost get over it you fucking turbo tumblr faggot

>>78095580
*clears the ball*
I can't dribble and you know it.

>playing some footy
>see a guy free
>kick the ball as hard as i can
>hits him in the face
>he starts crying and goes home
faggot

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>>78100068
You do realize soccer is popular as fuck with kids nowadays... Tournaments everywhere.

>>78095580
*smashes it first time into the upper corner from 30 yards out*
This really happened, too

i got another one but happen to a lad.
>at uni lunch time
>were playing on a plaza some footsal
>people at both sides eating cause thats where people normally hang out
>some dumb kick it too hard and ball goes a bit far
>lad thats really bad at it goes to pick it up
>for some reason he steps on the ball trying to pass it like that and look cool
>stepts on it bad
>bad rolls bacl and he falls face first
>everybody laughs real hard
>i saw somebody spilling some food because he laughed too hard watching my friend fall
He never played with us again.

>>78101127
based guy

>>78101097
he is a faggot but youre a bad at making passes too.

>>78101071
A canadian didn't win the election, why are you so invested?

>>78101127
>this gif is unironically a school in USA
>american education

>in college choir
>go on tour in Brazil
>do singing workshop for middle schoolers
>afterwards they have recess
>see them playing soccer on pavement with busted up old goals
>get together a few lads from the choir
>ask the kids if we can play against them
>proceed to get fucking smoked 10-1 by kids who haven't hit puberty
was kinda embarrassing to lose to 6th graders but was fun

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ANON, TAKE THE PIZZA!

>get picked first because brazilian
>get assigned to goal once they realize I suck

>>78095629
that's your own net, Ahmed

HEADS!!

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>>78101514

>>78101514
*Disappears into thin air*

>>78100068
I'm more embarrassed to have played soccer actually.

>>78095580
*cums*

>>78101476
what's Brazilian education like

>>78101311
it's a girl, apparently

>>78102172
>being this mad
>mad at hues
lel get your teeth fixed chav shit, fucking wanker

>>78102185
im not even british but good try you fucking mud warrior kys stop eating rotten monkey soup

at least i'm not running around with HIV surrounded by macaco and poverty ridden shanty towns

>play football with the lads at the local leisure centre in englel
>"MAN ON MAN ON"
What did britbongs mean by this???

>>78102278
means you're about to get your fucking legs crumbled to dust

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>>78095580
Freshman year of high school our P.E. teacher made us play divegrass with a fucking rubber soccer ball inside a gymnasium. A bunch of midget chicanos took it so seriously that they specifically brought divegrass cleats to play GYM SOCCER. Then they proceeded to just dribble the ball aimlessly for minutes on end and get it stolen every time. Fucking CHIs.

>>78102226
>im not even british
lel, grab a double decker on tesco for me too lad

>>78102313
>living in britain means i'm born here
brazilian education lmfao i bet you think monkeys are edible too fucking retard 3rd worlder

>>78102278
man on = somone clsoe to you, probably from behind
switch it = pass it over to the otehr wing
time = no opposition player near you
goal side = in front of the defender

cant think of any more

>>78099994
a black Canadian? now I've seen it all

>>78102324
You need to go back

>>78102334
HAVE IT = short simple pass
x's ball= im going to miss this header

>>78102278
akta rygg, pucko
>>78102334
we need a thread for this kind of terms in different languages

>>78102343
soon

>>78102445
Those terms in Spanish would be useful for me...

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>>78101661
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jATpzcUuHuA

>remember coach's words pre-game
>roight lads, hoof it to the tall lad up front
*hoofs it*
>goal kick

>>78102606
>the comments
lel

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>>78102606

>>78102606
hot

>>78102343
How many layers of irony are we on

>>78102606
waow

>>78095580
*Scores from 25 yards out*
*Jumps into stance*
TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
*Wakes up from dream*

>>78103597
*Gets picked up by Barcelona*

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>>78096072

>workout a ton in middle and high school
>play football and soccer
>had school record for field goal distance due to monster cannon of leg
>town opens new indoor soccer complex
>make a team with the small but skillful mexicans
>i have no skill moves besides touch it long and run faster than the other guy
>do this 1000 times every single game and it always works
>end club season with 52 goals in 40 games
>league golden boot
>0 assists
>mexicans didnt invite me back the next year

>>78095580
>Kick it away from the area with all I can
That's why I play as a goalie

>>78101311
That's a girl, Achmed.

>>78104315
>i have no skill moves besides touch it long and run faster than the other guy
>end club season with 52 goals in 40 games

No wonder mexicans have 0 WC.

>>78095991
>place ball
>while walking back for the runup stare at the keeper in the eye and in one cornere repatedly
>kick it in the opposite corner
i had to take only one penalty in my "career" and it worked. It was during a final too.

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>mfw offside

*dribbles until I lose it*

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>be fat 9th grader
>join recreational soccer football whatever you want to call it club
>was the worst club in the city league
>was the worst player
>tried to workout and get healthy but it was too late at the time
>full of pity looks every game
>almost had a chance to score a goal in the last game in the last moment but completelt choked.

I have never played soccer since then and now I just ride horses to show and stuff. I became healthy but i still get too many horrible flashbacks of the soccer days.

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>>78100566

Really makes you think, uh?

>>78107267
Wew lad

>>78108217
Yeah and I have always loved football since I was a young one. Shame its simply not meant for me.

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>>78101007
>americans
>caucasians

>>78109041
That's because you are too fat

>>78095580
>kicks it in a ditch.
Sorry anon I have to go,dinners ready.

>>78102606
what goes through their heads when they do stuff like this?

>>78109339
Pretty much the same stuff that goes through your head all the time
>"mmmhmmmm... dick's"

>>78109855
The leaf knows.

>8th grade
>making teams for the school's footy tournament
>only one team per class, all players must be from the same class
>oh shit
>convince the responsible teacher to allow our class to have 2 teams since we have a lot of dudes and most would be left out
>tournament lasts all school year and you only place each team once
>class derbi is the second to last game of the year
>year long banter marathon until the match day
>it all ends in a dissapointing 2-2 draw (the only draw of the entire tournament)