*hoofs it to you up front*

>>74823140
*catches the ball with my hands*
*runs to the opponent's goal*
*throw the ball in the net*
*win*
Woo!

*shins it out of play*
i'm helping

why am I up front, I'm a right back

Good job I'm Emile Heskey.

>>74823140
*I open my ass and the ball goes directly into my anus, effectively ending the game

>>74823182
>effectively
kek

>>74823166
Do you even cut inside?

*puts too heavy of a touch on the ball and the goalkeeper simply picks it up*

*puts on robe and wizard hat*

File: this-ridiculous-double-flop-is-a-big-reason-many-americans-still-dont-watch-soccer.jpg (30KB, 620x465px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 620x465px

*ends the game 0-0*

Greatest living passer of the ball to be honest.

*flicks it on the big man*

>>74823221
*collapses under my own weight*

>>74823258
*presses on his chest repeatedly, breathing sweet life into the fat fuck*

*grab defenders dick as I shit my pants*

Nothing personnel

File: podolski-germany.jpg (41KB, 768x432px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 768x432px

>>74823140
*torpedoes the ball under the crossbar*

nothing personel you smelly chavs

*complains to the ref*

>>74823140
As a defender, I usually either did this or passed it sideways. My record is: 2-1, 1-2, and 1-0

I'm a center back, sorry laddie

>not cutting inside