/off/ - Are you Depressed? Suffer from anxiety? Want to go mental

Here's me:

>Mum committed suicide two years ago, 7 days before my 17th birthday
>Being placed on a 8 month waiting list for CBT.
>Being placed on the max dosage for my anti-depressant
>sleep on average 3-4 hours a day.
>kissless and handholdless virgin

there are rarely days were i wake up and i am glad im awake.

i really wish i would just not wake up anymore. living is such a nightmare. i have almost no motivation to do anything. i just want it to stop.

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>>25615183
Iktf

You on any medication? I used to spend all my days just masturbating t.bh, until I got on my most recent AD which totally torpedoed my libido.Which help me gain motivation to start doing weights (in my backyard).

>>25615197
nah no medication. i havent been to a therapist or psychiatrist in years.

ive gone multiple times to different ones and nothing has ever helped.

all my girlfriends in the past gave either been abusive or tortured me. i dont understand why this happens.

this isnt the main reason im depressed but it is confusing and does toll self esteem.

Sup dudes. My mental health is okay but right now I'm on:
Wellbutrin
Trileptal
Effexor.

I like this combination, but I have no sex drive! I'm 24/f and it's annoying because I'd like to be able to want sex without going off a med and becoming manic.

>>25615674
this is why im afraid to go on meds. ive always had a really high sex drive and it worries me.

also thats alot of stuff to be taking. you take it everyday?

well heres another thread nobody cares about so imma just gonna hang around here.

you know its funny i never make my own threads but i like taking over them

My mood has been fluctuating so rapidly lately and so strongly, also i've been even more impulsive and given to risk taking behaviors than usual. i got myself into a really dangerous situation on friday and i wish something worse had happened to me

>>25616430
yes yes join the club friend. i often find myself thinking why couldnt i just die, or become incapacitated. or anything other than this horrible existence.

>>25615659

If it makes you feel better, there is a really really really good chance it's them and nothing to do with you. Unless you are explicitly a fucked up person, the right person will appreciate what you have to offer.

You just dealt with a bad bunch.

Or at least that's what I tell myself having dealt with very very shitty gfs and it helps appreciate being single and not with someone who makes me miserable.

>>25616444
unfortunately i think they can sense how unstable i am, so it might be me. they always seem to start off nice and average and as the relationship evolves they become psychotic. i have no idea what im doing wrong.

its definitely me though.

but thanks your words didnt fall on deaf ears

>>25616435

It isn't really that just some sick part of me is satisfied when I do self-destructive things. I made a post inviting anonymous strangers over to my apartment around midnight and then let some guy come over and got completely trashed. He wasn't as bad as he could have been but once I was so drunk I could barely move he did manhandle me quite a bit and make out with me etc. I'm okay with that and mostly glad he didn't do anything worse but another part of me wishes I'd been kidnapped or something

>no friends
>have moodswings most of the time
>anxious usually
>depressed
>virgin
>neec to take psych evaluation but too lazy to get it
>cant stop overthinking about sex

Diagnosed Borderline and Major Depressive. Also am a male so I have the double whammy of having these afflictions and getting made fun of for being a moody, emotional "girl". Yay!

>>25616470
thats a little more precise and yes i know where you are coming from. its definitely addictive to engage in those sorts of behaviors if you have an interest.

i might not be describing it correctly but i get what you are saying. if you read my other posts about abusive gfs etc, you see that there is some sort of pattern.

i saw this movie subsequent to those scenarios where this woman tortures this guy. like really sick stuff and its so terrible but i cant say i dont have an interest in it.

>>25616490
anybody can have anything it doesnt make you a girl if you have a certain disorder.

>>25616545
I know that, but try living in the Deep South with a bunch of rednecks as family.

>>25616506

I guess. This isn't a sexual thing at all to be clear, I just like being in danger. my ideal would be that someone would make some attempt to protect me but that's basically never happened

i have c-ptsd if it wasn't extremely clear. Also some kinda cluster b cocktail though my therapist is reluctant to nail down the specifics

>>25616555
oh i see so they basically just tell you to "man up" and stuff? some people just cant relate to it.
>>25616561
so what are you saying? you like being in danger but you want someone to protect you? lol idk why but i thought of princess peach granted she might not like being in danger but she is and then mario saves her.

idk just what i thought of

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Got in a fight with my "best friend" because for the past half a year or so, we've barely been talking and she's been spending 10 hours a day playing video games with some other guy.

I was lucky if I talked her into playing games with me once a week, and every time, we'd play for maybe a half hour or an hour and she'd go "Oh, he's on gonna go play with him we'll play with him later", and we never played later, not unless the other guy was offline.

1) She's a lesbian, no they're not dating.
2) He's rich and fucking throws wads of money at her, buys her anything she wants in a game, and spent $1,000 on her last month on delivery restaurant food ($40+ per order because of the crazy delivery charge and tip.)
3) He thought they were dating for 2 years and flipped out a month ago when she was like "What? We were never dating."

I've known her for almost half our lives, close to 12 years, that guy met her 2 years ago.

So, I told her that it seems like she's trying to pawn me off on anybody that talks to me because she constantly pushes me to go hang out with them, after not talking at all she'll send me 6 paragraphs of how I might fall in love with some random fat girl I meet in a game so I should go hang out with her. When I told her this, all she said was "It's easy to think I have other motives, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, in this case I'm just giving you a little nudge", which basically agrees with me that she's just been trying to get rid of me.

So we fought, now we're not talking, it's been 3 days and she's COMPLETELY ignoring me so I think I lost my closest and only friend. Even if we start talking again, then what? She just goes back to ignoring me for days at a time while hanging out with some random manipulative guy that doesn't let her hang out with her other friends without guilt tripping the fuck out of her?

I was gonna kill myself a week ago, but didn't go through with it because I thought things could get better.

>>25616626
The funny thing is, people I meet generally like me? But I can't form close friendships with anybody, even though they like me we typically only have one thing in common, I try to talk to them for a while but they either only care about the one thing that we originally met about, or if it's a guy they get really meme-spammy, or if it's a woman the conversation ends up being about sex and then ALL they want to talk about is sex. Don't get me wrong, I'm open about sexual stuff but I would like a friend, not just somebody that wants to sext and swap nudes.

So, I haven't been able to really form any friendships in years, no matter how hard I've tried. So I don't see it happening in the near future, either.

I miss my friend, I miss how we USED to be, not how we've been the past few months. I fucking hate this guy she met, I always have, not only after this shit started, but when she first met him SOMETHING about him made me really dislike him. It's weird, because I might have fought with one of her older friends but he and I never hated eachother. This guy? I've ALWAYS kind of hated this guy. There's some shit about him that's off, he's absolutely manipulative and uses his money to make her guilty and literally buy her time, and he's absolutely the cause of her losing a lot of her internet friends. She doesn't seem to see that him not letting her hang out with her other friends is why none of them play games with her for long. She gets them to play something that she's playing and they quit two days later, she doesn't get that it's because they want to hang out with her, not just play the same game that she's playing. And she only hangs out with them in the same cases that she hangs out with me, when that other guy isn't on. But he demands that they skype every minute that he's awake so that she can't play with anybody else.

So, basically fuck it. Some random cunt ruined a very long friendship by throwing money at her, and I miss her badly.

>>25616626
i think i saw this the other day. im getting a little confused here, like are you romantically attracted to her even though shes a lesbian?

shes being a shitty friend regardless and you dont need that shit. dont talk to her and focus on some new people. meeting people is hard, even harder to find people you connect with. but if someone that was a "friend" ignores you like that, theyre not really that good of a friend

>>25616645
I think I mentioned that things were going down hill the other day. I haven't said anything about us actually having a full on fight and not talking anymore.

I completely agree that she's being shitty. I'm not defending her at all anymore, I did for a long time, giving her the benefit of the doubt that oh, no it's not her, it's just that she doesn't want to deal with the other guy getting all weird and jealous. But at this point, I don't even think she realizes how he gets, I think it's been long enough that now she doesn't WANT to hang out or talk to me, it's like a Pavlovian thing. She's just conditioned to not hang out with other people now.

I'm not romantically interested in her, several years ago, maybe six months or a year before she even met that guy, she said that she thought she might be attracted to me and had a crisis where she thought she might be bi, she suggested we "date", and after two months of going along with it she decided that it was only a sexual attraction because she was comfortable with me. SHE thinks that I'm romantically interested in her no matter how many times I tell her it's not like that, specifically because every guy friend she has ends up confessing their love to her and trying to date her.

I just want my friend back? Like, I just want things to be like they used to be, hanging out all the time, watching movies, just bullshitting for the sake of bullshitting, the shit we did for most of our lives together.

There's just none of that anymore. We barely talk. Hell, I went through our skype call logs, over the past few months we've hung out for less than she's spent hanging out with this other guy in the past 10 days alone.

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I'm depressed but it's because Melissa Joan Hart went from a quirky pioneering hipster teen who seemed like she'd be DTF after a few bong rips and adderall and turned into a pent up jesus freak even though she still looks like a jesusy milf who just needs a good slam fucking but would rather read or pray or some shit

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>>25616674
Pre-Jesus reminder pics

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>>25616682

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>>25616684

>>25616665
its sad but people change as they get older. theres more responsibilities and less time for other things.

i have a few stories of people i was best friends with for 10+ years becoming entirely different people to the point where we drifted apart and no longer talk.

is it sad? yeah but i accepted the fact that we are different people now.

>>25616674
>>25616682
>>25616684
>>25616687
lmao idk if this is as bad as some of the other stuff but i used to watch sabrina. she was def sassy and hot on there.

>>25616690
She has as few responsibilities as she ever has. She lives with her parents, she doesn't work, she doesn't drive, they only make her clean the kitchen in order to stay there with no bills. And some random fucking guy on the internet will buy her anything she wants, plus she gets money from her mother every once in a while.

Nothing in her life has actually changed, she's in exactly the same situation she's always been in, that's why nothing makes sense. She still plays video games 16 hours a day, except now she just plays with that guy and nobody else, when she used to play with a bunch of people.

Part of me fucking hates how she's been treating me. Part of me is pissed at how easily she can just get over us not talking and completely ignore me. And another part of me actually feels bad for her, because that guy only lets her talk to HIS friends, which is something I've noticed. When he's around, it's either just them hanging out, or them + one of HIS friends. It's never one of her friends that joins them in games.

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>>25616697
im joking about being triggered by Clarissa, i do suffer from crippling manic depression but i self medicate with pot, amphetamines, chain smoking and tons and tons of never taking anything serous and always having a smart mouth comment at the ready, also heres more slutty Clarissa pics because i think their fun

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>>25616723

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>>25616729

>>25616732
dat lazy eye, doh...

>>25616723
hehe i used pot and cigs as well. used to have an adderall script but no longer since insurance doesnt pay for it.
>>25616708
its just a metaphor it doesnt mean her life has changed, she changed as a person.

>>25616740
>its just a metaphor it doesnt mean her life has changed, she changed as a person.
I don't think she's changed, honestly I think she's the same as always, I just think that she's sick of me specifically. She's had a couple friends about as long, or longer than she's known me, and they seem like they're in a similar situation, except since I've known her we've always hung out CONSTANTLY and talked about everything, so I think it's a little stranger in this case. I mean hell, we dated the same girls, twice. She dated TWO OF MY EXES immediately after I broke up with them, then after they would break up we'd talk about how awful said girls were, etc. You'd think we'd be close still if we even went that far.

I don't know man. I miss her horribly, this entire situation about realizing that we've been driving apart has made me so stressed over the past two months that I've lost nearly 20lbs, I can barely eat without feeling like I have to throw up. Hell I ended up in the hospital at one point because of it, only to have them tell me there's nothing physically wrong with me after a ton of tests.

This entire situation is fucking stupid.

>I have an anxiety disorder, which makes this entire thing worse
>I'm likely depressed, I was diagnosed with it when I was younger but eventually when no medication helped they said I was "cured" and that's why

I really don't want to be alive, honestly the one thing keeping me from shooting myself is this fantasy about my friend coming back apologizing and telling me she missed me and she's sorry. But that's likely ONLY a fantasy.

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>>25616737
for what its worth that aint a lazy eye its just a bad angle, when i was 15 i would have put the fear of god into her uterus, i still would i guess like why not eh?

Hey guys I guess this thread is kinda dead but people seemed sad it wasn't getting much activity. I can hang around and talk for a bit, I'm fairly depressed myself.

I might not be super responsive but I'll check in.

>>25616626
>only friend

There's the major clue? She's trying to get you to make other friends and get you out of her hair. Also, she sounds like a cunt if she's leading a guy on with no plans for an actual relationship. Cut your losses and leave her to it. She's throwing you hints dude, take them and be done with her.

>>25617068
What's wrong, buddy? Want to talk about it?

>>25617161
Easier said than done. Trust me.

27 fa khv
Going in for therapy in a couple days
What should I tell them?
Just dive straight into it or ease them into my hellish existence ?

>>25617217
Well I'm just a sack of shit who can't into social. I drive everyone away by being clingy or aggressive or some other shit I shouldn't be. I'm confident enough to get friends, and I lose them all when they seem like they're getting close.

my story pretty damn long, too long to type here( hate typing on phone ) pretty busy guy. (musician, networking, work). almost 2 years ago i have been living on my own while still in highschool, nowhere near financially stable. I meet new people all the time but about 3 years ago something really fucked me up, no closure, no recovery, all a loss, and i had to just move on with it, there was actually no control I have had over this. Im quite disappointed at how far i have let my mental state degrade into this incredibly bitter, cynical, apathetic, degenerated 18 year old. I never project it in the slightest, my closest of friends dont know how much i have deteriorated, letting them know wouldnt help cause they dont know the solution, and they cant really understand the gravity of the situation not to mention they would only respond with sympathy which on thing will most definity not help, I very much also find such a reaction unfavorable, someone feeling sorry for me wont help me for shit, it will just annoy the fuck outta me. On top of this shit, constant amounts of disappoints pertaining to my living situation, financial situation, commuting, friends, and my music have kept adding to the list of inner turmoil and stress. Also pretty disappointed in myself, this isnt bullshit insecurities, this is honest self evaluation of myself and my behavior. Im very much keeping myself in check but i would just catch myself being such a piece of shit due to my apathetic mindset that has exponentially grow this past year. I cant tell my friends nor people who i meet cause I cant be known as some depressed musician, if i wanna pursue music i gotta do it right. i cant just tell anyone cause they either wanna sympathize or will give shitty advice google already gave me. (i somehow fit almost 2000 characters some imma continue on this)

>>25617234
so if you don't want sympathy or shitty advice, what are you posting here for?

i mean, it's an honest question. if there's something i can do that would be useful? but it seems like you closed all the doors.

>>25617234
same guy here. last part isnt long desu. I sorta just go by pretending i guess, it's more like I have 0 outlets to vent that dont involve me doing it alone. I feel like i just go through all the bullshit on my own, and it constantly reminds of the sitaution the got me here in the first place. Everything is just so fucking crazy now and i cant control it, im welcomed nowhere unless i offer rent money, I have been homeless at times but never ever begged, never did scumbag homeless people bullshit, just tried to get enough money from my job until im not homeless, which has put me in a financial trap cause i basically cant move from this, trying to save up for a car and shit but it just seems impossible. I can barely afford clothes and cycle through the very few i have, so i come off as fucking homeless even though i dont act like im homeless which fucking sucks so fucking much. I just want the car but its so fucking expensive yet help so much, but i cant even keep uo with my basic utilities. I can barely fucking keep up with anything of any component of my being. I stay mentally stable to where i can function normally, pretty proficient socially. I havent died yet. I have progressed pretty fast on jazz guitar despite my short amount of time playing yet not skilled or funded enough to perform live (well). idk. I sit the bench outside one of my favorite coffee shops playing maj9ths and dominant 13ths hoping she will just say, "Hey I know things are pretty crazy right now, but its okay, I believe in you, you got this." but at the end of these episodes, without fail, I always end up alone, and each time messes me up a little more.

>>25617250
for some retarded reason I feel like if I talk to people who feel like i do, i might find someone who understands, and can comprehend the full gist im putting down. but honestly we all have different situation, different ways of handling them, different trains of thought, different outlooks, etc. so its almost impossible to find proper ventillation, im getting so bad, I even went on /soc/ for some form of a solution. These series of post are likely just a reaction from a numerous and continuous amounts of disappointing endeavors thats have consistently persistented since jan of 2017, the month i graduated. Maybe i just need a win idk. I really just dont know bruv, things just arent going right and theres no cushion to fall on, no net, just the hard concrete pavement of very harsh reality.

>>25617285
so you do want sympathy, but not fake sympathy?

>>25617285
>>25617303
anyway idk man like you say i can't pretend i get your situation really, but i get feeling like your attempts are futile.

i'm probably bipolar and should get some jew pills.

and should probably get off 4chan for the night in a bit

well another wake up. how unfortunate

>>25617314
i would just like to be able to express this side of me without any one thinking im some depressed crazy person. No one knows how to handle such information without them changing their view point of me. I dont need anyone to always asking me "you good?" thats the type of shit that makes me not only regret telling a person, I also start to dislike the person. I have issues like everyone else in this world, so of course i need a point in which i need to vent it. That momemt in which i shared a completely hidden part of me, isnt my whole personality, just like if you had a shit day, you tell me about it, I listen, give me relatable 2cent, but at the end of the day i know this guy is gonna be okay, he just needed the right person to cool down with. I dont think he's negative because he was pissed off his toaster broke then he got stuck in traffic, he just has issues he needs to vent. Same shit with me on a different scale. Im still me, there's just a bitter after taste somewhere in there.

I'm in a relationship with a girl for almost 4 years. I've realized that while we have a lot of things in common, she is more of a friend to me than a lover. It almost feels like I'm dating a sister or a cousin.

Apart from that, she is terribly abusive, does not like me hanging out with certain people, always checking my phone and shit to see if I'm talking to other people.

She wants kids and wants to get married some day. I want neither of those. I suffer from severe anxiety, and she has always been helpful with it. We almost broke up twice, and when I finally wanted to go through with it, I just couldn't leave.

I'm afraid I'll never find someone like her, but she is making my life depressing. What do I do? I know.. I can just break it off with her, but it's very hard to just stop when you're this involved with someone. It's like a horrible addiction that you can't stop.

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>>25615138
I'm gonna toss a coin to decide on offing myself here soon. I live like this, and look at me, I have no excuse, but I still do it, and when I try to be "normal", it hurts. I want to live, but I've been dead for so long, hoping my heart would restart itself, that I just am getting to the point where the.. equation seems to sum up to suicide. It would be better for everyone; I seriously make everything I touch worse.

>>25618256
i don't know if any of that was directed at me but yeah i get your point

>>25618262
in life there comes a point where you have a problem. When you have a problem, the natural notion should be that you want to stop the problem aka, a solution. If she's making your life terrible fucking leave, you can give every excuse about why you cant solve this issue, but at the end of the day, the problem is still there and you're still facing the consequences of do nothing but letting the issue progress and letting yourself regress. the choice is yours man. There's more to life than relationships, leave that very escapable trap and rebuild, look the trees, drive around the city and check out the cool shit it has to offer, meet new people, etc. Theres so much art out there that you should be experiencing, stop dengenerating yourself in this obvious lost cause of a relationship

>>25618295
there was nothing directed towards you trust me, i've just experienced a lot of life

This is dumb. As an asshole with all these problems, the last thing I want to do is be around other assholes with these problems

i'm 18, been alone for 2 years, the world right now seems like it's going to shit and I can't do anything about it. SJWs and radical feminist pushing their stupid belifs into society, religious people, democrats its all stupid idk

>>25618471
You're 18, so no offense but your loneliness and despair are really trivial. Sorry, but that's the way it is, you're on the precipice of adulthood and your life is going to change dramatically at least once (but probably more than that) in the next three to five years.

As for the political stuff, all of it is cyclical.

>>25618481
>so no offense but your loneliness and despair are really trivial
Depends on why he is alone desu, if half his family is dead, I wouldn't call it trivial.

>>25615138
I don't have any sad sob story to use as an excuse, nor do I have any medical issues or attention deficits to blame.

I probably do have depression, but it doesn't really matter as it's all self-induced. I'm going to kill myself about 5 years from now. Really don't like being alive. I hate it and I don't want to be here anymore. The reason I have to wait 5 years is because I'm still working on a contract. I have bills to pay and I want to leave my family with money as compensation for the investment they lost on me.

I've got a a lot issues right now.
I already posted this in the secrets thread, but my biggest thing that seems to be bothering me is not having friends of the same gender.

relationships arent whats currently bugging me, its friends and friendship etc.

idk, it's very lonely.

I'm dealing with a lot of shit this year, and i just wish I had a friend to talk to. maybe not even talk to, but just talk about anything else with to distract me, get shit off my mind.

also, im the only person who wants to get into a good state of mind again, because when im depressed i can't do drugs.