New secrets/vents/feels thread Get it off your chest. Now!

>>25196878
I have spent so long putting up emotional walls that I can't tear them down now... I would say I'm scared by that, but all I feel is empty.

One of the main reasons I abuse drugs and alcohol so heavily.

M21
I've been long distance with my gf for over 3 years. She isn't bothered about sex as much as she used to be whereas I am. I don't want to split up with her cos she's hot and nice, but I keep fantasising about other girls at my uni (like every day)

>>25196878
I'm in such a turning point in my life. I feel like I can see the wheels turning, like I can see the pieces falling into place. Gears. Notches. Rotating. Ever onward.

I am getting nervous in this movement. I know it is inevitable and in fact it is necessary for my own development.

I am always afraid of change and new beginnings. But it is something I must sit with a learn to accept. To get along with the change. To truly go with the ebb and flow of life.

There's a girl I used to talk to from here. She's from BC, vegan, very into books - smart girl, liked to write. Used to sing to me. Ella Fitzgerald. Haven't talked in years, miss her to death. Wish we could talk again, was always a pleasure. Hey M, if you're out there, let's go to Spain.

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Probably my least favorite part about life is the fact that you learn nothing from your successes and you learn everything from your failures.
I wish I had my old friends back; I wish they'd never left me in the first place but if they hadn't left I wouldn't have gotten the jumpstart I needed to be, you know, not an annoying miserable cunt who simultaneously pities and hates herself.

Granted I could try and go back to them now, but how the fuck do I know they even want me? And for some reason the idea of going back and begging for them to be friends with me again just feels wrong

I broke up with my LDR GF today. I saw it coming a long way away, but thought I'd be the one who ended it. She was completely different from me, and though I'm glad we tried to make it work, I think the love died months ago.

Hope you do well, D.

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I just found out that the one person I thought may be the closest thing I have that resembles a friend, just isn't. Let's call the first girl "J" and the second "S". Well, S was someone who I actually thought could be more than a mutual acquaintance. Unfortunately this is not going to be the case. I've read some messages, and their shit. I now get to go to prom with them, but the only reason that they are inviting me is so that I pitch in with them for their limousine. Overall, I will have to go with them, since their is no one else. I'm perfectly fine with being alone without them, but what else? "J" has taken the one chance I had to have a friend, and "S" has let her. Well, that was nice...I also really like dead bodies.

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I've been paying an effeminate cashier boy at a pizza place close to my house to step on the pizzas I order with his bare feet. $100 a pizza.

>>25198212
He's so lucky What an easy hundred bucks

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I'm happy I got my SSI but it's too late. I'm afraid of everything and I don't think any amount of therapy or money will help me feel right again or even stable.

>>25198243
He told me that I alone funded his new gaming PC. I also pay him $50 a month to grow his toenails out nice and long to get a lot of sauce caked underneath that he does not try to clean out. After a while he cuts them and gives them to me with the pizza.

It's great to see his face light up when he sees me. We always chat about his life while the pizza cools down beneath his feet under the counter.

Wish i could stop wanting people to like me so much so i could tell most of my coworkers how fucking useless they are. We care for people with brain injuries and most of the people i work with are so fucking retarded youd think they had one too.
Bonus points for leaving confidential info lying around in the open, sitting around not doing your job and not being able to put the right amount of peoples money back.
I feel like the only competent one on shift sometimes.

Also wish one girl i worked with was bi at least because i wanna date her, shes so cute

I graduated bootcamp in december of 2013, hit by a car 2 days before SOI...15 days in a coma, I spent my entire "career"(if anyone can call it that) trying to get brass to let me stay in.....now that I am out I contemplate killing myself way more times then I can count, because I honestly have no idea what to do with my life...

I'm really turned on by my best friend and I want to have sex with her but she is married and has kids. Her work schedule gives us a very small amount of time to hang out and her husband keeps tabs on her constantly. I want to at least ask her if she wants to have sex with me even if she would never act on it because she doesn't want to cheat on her husband. I just get the feeling she wouldn't cheat with me but instead some other guy if she had the chance.

I've been bothered by something my friend said to me the other day. He told me about how his wife was away for a conference, and she was busy so she didn't have time to call or text him back. When she didn't respond for a long while he started to get paranoid that something happened to her. And then he told me "Well I started thinking about how shitty my life would be without her. But then I thought I would just get an apartment with you."

It's nothing but then I feel a bit weird.. like I feel like it's not something you'd actually say to your friend out loud? I don't know.

I'm afraid that me breaking up with her is the reason she's hooked on heroin now.

After a month long fling my Senior year of high school, I'd gone 8 years without having sex. Six months ago I lost the job I had for 4 years and within two weeks had slept with three of my former coworkers. I'm still sleeping with all three of them, some more frequently than others, but have still not been able to get a new job.

This is playing havoc on my emotions because I worked hard to have money to make up for my average looks and off-putting personality departments and now that I'm basically a broke NEET living back with my parents I'm suddenly rolling in sex.

Someone will think this is bragging but it's really not. I'm really confused and upset about all of this.

I cheated on my girlfriend who I'm going to marry once with some 18 year old slut and loved it. I regularly flirt and get pictures sent to me from girls on Snapchat. I steal Percs and Xanax from my grandma. I constantly lie and manipulate everyone in my life. I'm a fully blown drug addict. And everything thinks I'm perfectly fine

I'm so desperate atm I'm considering turning to sex work. But men scare me.

>>25198976
ooga booga

Today, a coworker made a joking comment to a superior implying that I was flirting with the superior.

I wasn't, but I can see why someone might think that. He's pretty chill, so we joke around and talk a lot at work. I think we're both just the type of people who enjoy having someone to banter with, so we do.

I only know my coworker said anything because the superior in question told me so, and the comment was probably made in a joking manner. I've just suddenly become paranoid that suddenly everyone at work is going to think that too (even though I realistically don't think that most of my coworkers even notice that I talk to him) and that it'll cause a problem somehow.

Actually, when the superior in question told me this, I kind of groaned, and he just laughed and kind of agreed that I might just have to deal with this now. Now I'm scared that he thinks I AM interested, especially since a lot of our conversations end up being about sexual stuff. I'm in a long term relationship and he knows it, but I've mentioned before that I've slept with older men (he's 16 years older than me) and now I'm afraid he's taking that the wrong way.

Should I be scared? I think maybe I'm paranoid, but I think I should stop talking to him, at least about anything fun.

>>25199005
You'll be fine. Most likely one of those things the superior is required to ask you due to the comment he heard. He wouldn't really have time to think about petty drama that small, he's other things that to think about. Besides men in general don't really care about that shit anyway. Whenever my coworkers would go on about drama I'd just nod my head politely while thinking about how I just want them to fuck off, don't think too much into it and keep having your banter.

Women shouldn't post in these threads.
If these are the extent of your problems please kys.

I seek the validation of others and I crave physical affection. What a horrible combination

>>25199098
No worries. On it, buddy.

I really wish for me to find a sweet little somebody(kind of like maria but like i barely know her so meh, that's probably just my heart being its hopeless romantic self, my brain refuses to let us fall so easy due all the bad experiences with love in the past) to call my own sometime soon.

this mr. Lonely thing is starting to get to me. I need some sweet company to be able to ease all my stresses and tensions.

>>25198973
I feel like I posted this five years ago.
It'll be okay. Trust me.

-Future You

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When I was 14 I went to butcher's and bought a pair of chicken breasts. I brought them home, where I proceeded to cut a hole in the meat. I would then heat it up a little bit and used it as a make-up fleshlight.

I never got any sort of disease out of it and it was a great simulation at the time.

>>25199129

Why are you so desperate? And why are you afraid of men?

The other day I wanted to tell you the engagement was definitely off. But then your friend died.

>>25198279
What the actual fuck.

I'm sitting next to my gf of 3 years who's nice as hell but boring in bed and not likely to change. Every time she says I love you I say it back while wondering whether there's any chance that a fucked up sexy girl I used to see would fuck me on the sly. I don't know if not ever acting on these thoughts is the better or cowardly thing to do. I also stick things in my butt, which she is totally unaware of.

>>25199338
You have to feed it to your mom after you cum in it if you want this to be edgy. Also it has to be around 1950

>>25199686
Dude, i've been in the exact same situation (besides the buttstuff, because that's disgusting).
You have to talk to her and tell her how you feel about your sex life. If you cheat on her or dump her, you might loose the love of your life. Think about it really carefully before you do something.

>>25199759
Appreciate the advice, cheers.

I'm a femanon but I've been looking a guy with my best friends pics. She had a load of stuff on her phone she sent her bf, one day she left it at my place and I snooped. She's hotter than me and I wondered what it would be like to get male attention.

>>25199849
Kiking not looking

>>25199849
Post a pic of you and one of your friend and we'll decide who's hotter

I deleted my facebook and lost all my friends like 4 years ago when I moved to my new city for university.
I seriously have not had a single person I consider a friend since then...I just wish I knew how to meet people or had someone to talk to

>>25199849
That's quite shitty of you. For shame.

Lately I've been wondering if I faked it all this time to get where I am. I was a neet loser for most of my life. Now I'm successful. Good job, my own nice place, amazing city. Inside I feel like I'm regressing. When before I had thoughts of ambition, now I consider quitting and going back to the life I once had. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been much more emotional lately which is not like me. I slept with a girl and ghosted her because I felt guilty for having a one night stand with someone I didn't have a future with.

I almost killed my oldest son on purpose when he was only a few months old by holding his mouth and nose. I felt him struggle to breath and then stopped after about 30 seconds, I'm glad I did. He's 7 now and is just fuckling amazing. He brightens my day whenever he is around. I think it was postpartum depression.

I don't know how I feel about this. I'm in a great two year relationship with my partner and even plan on marrying this person in the future. Recently, I got a number from a server, I thought that person was attractive physically. I did it because I wanted to know if I could get their number, it only took 3 trips to this restaurant and some small talk to get it.

The part that I don't get is if given the chance I would sleep with the server and even asked when they're free to hang out. I still love my partner and I think I only want to sleep with the server to see what's it like. In the past I was never that attractive, I was a late bloomer so never had the attention of the opposite sex so now that I have the confidence and the abilities I was down to do it.

What's wrong with me, why would I do this to a person I care a lot about?

when I was young I used to wear bra's that are too big and revealing and get drunk quite often, and with all that I once sucked off my cousin in a local park. I quite liked it to be honest, but because it was embarrassing afterwards, we never talked about it

>>25200221
this is the shit i come on 4chan for, thanks bby

>>25196878
I am seriously contemplating suicide

[spoiler]probably the only thing I'd do well[/spoiler]

I hate being a ninfo.

>>25201363
you mean a nympho?

>>25196878
But seriously.... am I insane or did you all conspire against me? Maybe he started it? But how could no one spill the beans?
Being sexy is one of the things I want, but feel I will never truly attain. I'm always stuck between trying and not giving a fuck

I'm in an ldr but my boyfriend rarely talks to me anymore. I guess I should end it but I don't want to.

Just want to know what true love feels like. 27 years old, still a virgin, and never been in a relationship. The loneliness is really crushing sometimes.

I recently gave a local guy my phone number...

He won't do anything with it, I feel.

I'm not trying to depress myself, but it happens more than I'd like to admit. I'll give my number and I get nothing... The last man I tried asking out on a date turned me down and while it didn't hurt as badly as I thought, it only reminds me that I'm trash.

Oh well.

>>25202138
u sound lonely, wanna kik?

>>25202138
Try giving me your number and see what happens ;) kik me chris54541118344

>>25199649
Lol

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Recently, I found another anon on here who seemed like my exact double in terms of hobbies (including baking, which I don't think too many anons are into). We both wanted to chat at one point, but that kind of fell apart, the thread died and I don't have any way of contacting them now. I know it's odd to get bent out of shape over something this minor, but I've just been really depressed over it for a couple days.

I just want someone cool to geek out about sourdough starters, high-hydration dough and oven spring with :(

I fantasize about meeting a homeless woman who's not a drug addict, just down on her luck. I think about buying her lunch, we start meeting at the same spot every day and talk for hours. Winter starts and I tell her it's too cold and to come stay with me. She says she can't offer much in return and tries to make a sexual advance, but that's not what I want, I want someone just to be in the same room with, someone too take to the movies, someone to go out to dinner with, someone to take care of when they get sick.

I can't tell if it's loneliness, low self esteem, or a hero complex that makes me want this.

>>25198976
There are safer forms like "massage parlors, " they are pretty safe and you just jerk guys off, most of them vet the guys and there are people there so the guy wont try to hurt you or cheat you. but why not get a job at McDonald's or something with a high likelihood of being accepted?

In high school I lived close to this really stunning girl. Hottest in the entire year. Every once in a while I would hide and wait outside her house watching the family come and go. One day they left and didn't lock the front door, I took my chance and went in. I found the girls room and went through her stuff, I wore some of her panties, jerked off on her bed, I even stole a really nice bra and panties set and took it home. I am still friends with this girl and she has no idea.

Fast forward 15 years, I am married, 2 kids, good job etc, and I did the same thing to our neighbours when we said we'd feed their cats while on holiday. I said I would go over. Went through all her stuff, tried things on, found her vibratory etc.

Last one, one day at work, a young attractive couple came in before getting a flight. They asked if they could leave their cases with me for a few hours to safe carrying them about. I agreed and put the cases in my office. While they were away I opened the pink case (presuming that was hers) and found her underwear. Again, tried some on, jerked off, then put them back where I found them.

There have been many other times I've gone through females underwear without them knowing but these 3 really get me going. I love my weird creepy secret. No one suspects a thing.

>>25196949
Are you me? Im in that spot now i had to restard my life recently and a lot of my life shattered.

Plus i am scared of getting close to people from it

I'm 36 years old. When I was 16 I was forced to have a paternity test because of child support. It's the last time I've ever had a needle touch my body. I am terrified of having any sort of medical procedures and have fainted at the sight of blood being drawn. I have HSV-1 which I know because I had an ex many years ago who had it and I've gotten a cold sore breakout a couple times. My longest relationship was with a woman who would mentally (and rarely physically) abuse me. I stayed for over a year because I couldn't imagine anyone else accepting me.

I've spent about 5 years as a near hermit who works from home and spends all my free time playing games and watching movies. In the past 5 weeks alone I have spent at least 300+ hours gaming. I've absorbed so much media content over the years that there's not a lot that interests me anymore. I've never been suicidal in my life, nor am I now, but earlier today for the first time ever I felt like I could actually be capable of doing it when I was ready to go.

I'd never considered myself to be lonely, as I enjoy my solitude, but I dream of having a companion who accepts all my flaws and will play games and watch movies with me, I've never been suicidal, and am not now, but for the first time, today I felt like I might be capable of it eventually.

I've never been diagnosis with dysphoria but I still takes hormons and present as female because I failed as a man and look way better as female (everyone says so).

Since I transitionned I've been fucking with plenty of hot guys. I now have so much sexfriends, my life never has been as good as nowadays.

I'm not a fucking tranny, I'm just an androginous boy. I went from a useless virgin geek to a fucking whore. I have no regrets.

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I go to Omegle to boost my self esteem when I'm feeling down. In a very specific niche category that's mainly dominated by females(don't think it's some creepy shit like justin bieber)

Not being skipped by cute girl really feels great and having them obsess over me feels good.

I had one girl who really really liked me. She was 2 months from becoming legal and she kept sending me lewd snaps had a dd/lg fetish and I made her cum in a snapchat call while moaning for me. It was the most alpha thing I had ever done. This girl had an amazing fucking body and had a cute face but she would much rather talk to a guy living thousands of miles away rather than talk to a guy from her school or something. I never understood why. She really liked my voice and she was getting off to it and it was fun at first....

One day I just decided to not respond to her even though she had called me multiple times because I felt like this was better for her. What I was doing to her wasn't right. She was obsessing over me and I was keeping her from having any real relationships. She was telling me how all the guys in her life until now were shit and none of them had made her feel special like I made her feel.... idk maybe she fetishzed me because I was 3 years older than her and it made her feel more mature or something but I'm pretty fucking beta I'm not great at this... making words into sentences thing and somehow she really liked it.

>>25202923
I'm so fucking curious what you look like. I'm actually fucking dying to know. Because I've had 3 friend in the past year transition, people I had known for a very long time. All beta virgin nerd losers but none of them turned out great. I think they're happier with themselves....

I fell in love with someone who lived like ten thousand miles away. We had an LDR off and on for like seven years.

She dumped me ... 2 years ago? She's nice and comfy as fuck with her newest boytoy. Meanwhile I've been struggling to find anything meaningful with another human being, let alone a woman. Funny this is, I thought she was crazy as fuck until I got back out there and realized--you cunts are fucking insane. Feminism ruined you, and you smile about it. Now I'm just accepting that I am growing more and more disinterested in having a relationship ever again.

Also found out not long ago that I went my entire life with high functioning autism and it was never caught. Also have adult ADHD, BPD, OCD and early onset schizophrenia. With all of that in mind, I'm probably better off having accepted I will never find love again.

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>>25202932
I don't look that good. Still have my huge guy nose. But I look attractive according to my sexfriends.

>>25202937

Would smash... with a bag of rocks.

>>25202966
Go find yourself a cunt angry anon.
Love does not exist.

I'd fuck anyone that i'd mildly attractive and outright asked me.

>>25199649
jesus fuck, i know it's bad timing, but you have to fucking do it. Do not get trapped like I did. I didn't end up married, but holy shit, I was on a rollercoaster for two extra months that I should have just ripped the bandaid off of. Maybe the bridge wouldn't have burned then.

>>25202926
Whats the category?

Been in a loving relationship for a year and a half, could definitely see a future with her... But our sex life is struggling lately, and I met another woman who is absolutely depraved and very into me. Connect the dots. Haven't done it yet, but I plan to.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
You can't give me all this love and then just take it away
You built me up and now you're just leaving me here exposed out in the open- subject to weathering and erosion and the effects of time
Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

>>25203046

hahahaha faggot. Did you get your first taste of women?

>>25203053
I am a woman
>hahahaha
I'm the faggot?

>>25203046
I hear ya. My ex of 7 years got a new boyfriend. It feels like I'm back to square one, but at least this time I know and do feel like it'll get better.

That being said, i'm coping in the worst way along with that hope so..

Im a high school english teacher. Ive been tutoring one of my students who I know to be trans. Shes very cute, and has severe daddy issues. So far ive botten a few hand jobs and a blow job. Really hoping to tao that ass soon.

>>25203105
I mean, i'd call you a piece of a shit if I wouldn't do the same, but you should make sure that doesn't end up blowing up in your face.

>>25203115
Dude. Ive been teaching for 15 years. This isnt my first rodeo. You cant believe how many teachers fuck students, or how often students will throw themselves at you. Five years ago, some girls parents paid me $50 an hour to tutor her. She didnt need tutoring. Let her grades slip one quarter because she just wanted to hang out and get high and fuck.

I've never posted before but I've been an oxy addict for like 6-7 years. I have a career, live "comfortably" as far as anyone is concerned. No one knows the extent, even my close friends think it's just casual weekend usage every once in a while. I'm too scared to try to stop cause it would upend my life and I think I've finally found a way for this balance to work. It's impacted my life profoundly not even necessarily for better or worse. Idk I'm scared and I don't see a way out.

Tutor in university,
Fucked a few of students for higher grades (They gave the offer)

>>25203073

In that case, my how the tables have turned. You'll be alright. Getting crushed sucks. You have the benefit of having a vagina and not having to actually try for anything.

I have a drug abuse and people think it's just a weekend-thing. I pretend to make new friends so I can go to their house and look through their medicin to get benzos. I also only pretend to be interested in my ex so I can score free drugs.

>>25202923
>>I'm not a fucking tranny, I'm just an androginous boy.
yeah, right, if that makes you feel better...

/soc/ is cancer and should be deleted

>>25203384
When I say that I mean I never thought of myself as a girl. And I still don't see myself as a girl.

>>25203149
Try kratom it's a great alternative to oxys and waaay less addictive
I take it in small doses and it's improved my life dramatically