Thread for lonely souls. The scope of this thread is gonna be

Bumping the thread since the board is quite active today.

>know lots of people who consider me their friend
>go out of my way to be as blunt as possible and generally ignore them outside of chit chat
ive accepted that i just prefer my own company, maybe one day ill meet someone who makes me feel otherwise but whatever, it is what it is

>>24373904
also op i cant make any sense of what youre saying

There could be a lot of reasons you or other people feel this way. It could be that you a lethargic attitude, in which you don't find the effort of getting past the first layer of person worthwhile so you just stay within first impressions.

Could be a fear of opening yourself up for a variety of reasons: trust issues, a dislike of who you are, or a strong predisposition of what you believe others to be.

Though I do understand where you're coming from with these thoughts. Despite having a rather friendly attitude I can also find it difficult to find someone worth opening up to.

>>24373904
Yeah, I know I write things in a garbled way, but basically it boils down to this: I feel like I can't connect with others or can't seem to find someone with whom I would like to connect.

I would personally chit chat with the people and not really ignore them, but when they become clingy or worse, I tend to avoid and ignore them.

>>24373949
I do open myself up, the problem you describe is actually what I find in others. They do not make the effort of going thorough and know someone better: either they just ignore me, or try to be with me without actually wanting to know more of me, like a temporary relief or thinking this is how a friendship should be done. That aside, many people (mostly in real life, but also online) actually are just what they show, which was also a disappointment: no interests, no open-mindness, quick to judgment, and so on. I'm the opposite of that, and while it wasn't like this in the past, I don't feel like it's easy to find someone like myself since a while.

>>24374002

It's certainly a problem when talking to new people there are a lot of reasons why people won't connect with one another. Sometimes it's fault on their own or the personalities don't connect well enough and the effort doesn't feel worthwhile.

The only real solution to the problem I can think of is simply trying to communicate with person after person in hopes of finding someone you can connect with. It's a difficult problem that's for sure and while /soc/ may be the best board for meeting people it's still not ideal.

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>>24373628
I guess I'm a lonely person. I'm 38 and although I get on well with people in both my work and social life I have very little interest in most people.
I live on my own and tend to spend most of my spare time on my own.

>>24374028
I'm thinking of going to the park later and attempt to just relax and be by myself, but I'll also contact a few people from here. One of the thing that also doesn't help is the fact that, while many others here (in real life I mean, pardon), tend to just stick with the first person they seem to connect a bit, I tend to not put that as a priority, but rather talk more with people that are more interesting yet distant, in other cities or countries even. There is an abyss of void and lack of interests between them, not always, but it's there. And I don't want to also pursue more than a relationship with the clingy people that seek me here when it feels like it would just be something physical and sexual.

>>24374072
what do you do on your spare time anon? Does the little interest steam from your relationships so far, or the people you see every day?

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i can make and keep friends just fine, even female friends. the problem is that every girl i've ever dated or even just had a thing with has left me. i've never gotten a break up text, or even an explanation.
it's always the exact same way too. they slowly get more and more distant until they start ignoring me a bit then just start full blown ignoring me completely. every romantic interaction with a girl in my entire life has ended this way. when i have a connection with a girl my first thought is "i wonder how long she would stay with me before she left". i don't know what i'm doing wrong.

i've tried to explain this to girls sometimes but they always have these crazy ass stories of them with 20 psychotic abusive exes who like threw them out a window and shot their dog so my just story just seems like a non problem to them.

>>24374081

That doesn't sound like a bad idea, keeping yourself relax and refreshed will help with your judgement. Honestly, a lot of people really just want to find someone they will contact with even if it's something basic or a vague interest. People are social creatures for the most part so when they find a similar interest (regardless of how important said interest is) they don't want to let that person go. Usually that can stem from having so few other contacts.

Also, I know what you mean about looking for more interesting or distant people. Finding out about new places, things, culture, and people is one of the primary reasons I come to /soc/ people bad or good are very interesting.

With clingy people it can be difficult because there desire to keep you with them can be for a variety of different reasons. Some good and most bad but it depends on the person.

>>24374084
I can tell you that both me and quite a number of people I know just end up in the same way. Though with me it never happened in real life, just online; in real life it's quite the opposite actually. Which makes me feel sad when thinking that (possibly interesting) people online could shut themselves up before even becoming proper friends.

>>24374111
Sounds like you also seek other people to talk with in a similar way to mine.
And well, as you say it depends. This girl that lately is very clingy is a very good person, but she is also quite overwhelming with her actions, and continuously asks me to go out, seeks me after work, messages me trying to get me to be with her. It's really just underwhelming, and she doesn't share anything of her. When we try to talk she also just wants to talk and doesn't listen properly. That's not how to get my interest going in the opposite sex, and while I might be happy trying to talk to her when she's not into the clingy/overbearing mood, it's really not what I think a friendship should be like. I will still talk with her, help her, share my interests, and so on, but just to conclude the example, this is not the kind of person that can stop making me feel lonely.

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>>24374081
In my spare time I go for walks with my dog, mountain biking, fishing, camping, make music, electronics and go to pubs for drinks.

>>24374162

If talking to them still makes you happy even though at times they can be overbearing perhaps this would best be just an issue to approach directly straight on? Tell them your issues with how they interact with you and ask them to change. Of course, you can't expect them to bend to what your desires are but a good friendship or relationship will take compromise at times.

Even if they aren't the person to help you with your loneliness learning how to approach people and find what it is that will ease your loneliness is a strong first step.

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>>24374167
Sounds like a wonderful variety of interests. Do you live in a particular place that allows you to easily cultivate all these passions? What I lack to fulfill such a life at the moment is a good job/money, and the right place to do it. I woudl like to do much more camping and mountain biking.
I'm also not the type that generally goes to pubs for drinks, but am thinking of trying to go into some from time to time. The problem is that many of the places are just full of teenagers or people that like weird cocktail drinks, and while I don't generally appreciate alcohol, I would like to at least have a more cultured atmosphere in it, or something that gives me a good vibe.
Something like here or in The Witcher: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hH7nd-0848&t=2m12s

Mostly giving a vibe with various people of all kinds properly socializing in a non-invasive, filled-with-complicity-and-amicable way. It's hard to explain, sorry.

>>24374178
In all of my experiences so far, even with people that wanted to change to stay with me, they would not compromise or think they were doing something wrong, go away for a bit, then return and beg (sometimes even in front of other people or calling at my parents' home) for me to forgive them and talk again. It's kind of not reassuring also, knowing that I might end up bonding with these kind of people, and I end up doing it more than with others.

I know everyone has its perks and quirks, but this seem to be the majority of people, and it's not limited to my city, my region or my country, since I traveled. It's weird how people interact today, and this comes from a previously shy person.

>>24374193

I do understand, inviting people into your life that only end up causing more trouble or drama makes you feel like you burned yourself. It's difficult to tell and it's not always a worthwhile gamble.

I just assumed people act differently nowadays because everyone wants to get personal very quickly. Instead of taking your time trying to figure out what sort of person you are, the person you're looking for, or the person you currently have as a friend/lover. People just have a desire to be fulfilled by establishing these relationships and overvaluing them.

I'm don't consider myself a lonely soul, just sort of a loner. I almost never have a hard time making small talk, initiating conversations, being friendly in general, etc. I work in the health care field and have great relationships with my patients. I get along with my family for the most part and I'm marrying my fiancé next year. I have "friends" I can text to hang out with, but I don't have anyone I'm particularly close with. The closest friend I have is a coworker, and that's probably because I see her often and we go out after work frequently.
I don't have close friends, or close relationships with anyone other than my fiancé. However, I don't feel lonely. I have always been independent and I like having time to myself. Furthermore, most of the time the people who attach themselves to me are needy and selfish. They want me to be their crutch because I have my life together and end up being the "mom" they call when they are drunk, upset, or fighting with their boyfriends. I still care, but I get annoyed because they don't reciprocate, and I would never want to burden anyone else like that to begin with. At this point in my life, I have no desire for relationships that are anything but sincere and genuine and with mutual respect. I can't seem to find that with anyone else. Idk... I think it would be nice to find someone else on the same wavelength.

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>>24374193
Yeah I'm lucky enough to live in the countryside in a seaside town, so plenty of scope for camping, fishing and mountain biking although the mountain biking isn't great here there is plenty of it and the scenery is good. I tend to go to local country pubs rather than the ones in town that are full of loud music and rowdy people.

>>24374215
You just wrote a very wonderful post.

>>24374232
What you described, minus the fiancé and having your whole life together (very proud of you for being into healthcare, I wanted to do that too in the past), is the situation I deal with when dealing with many friends, acquaintances or other people in general. It's kind of sad not being able to find someone else still different but also similar to you at the same time, that could be genuine and respect mutually you. My fantasy at this point is finding this kind of person that feels like me and getting to be with her, while enriching each others and finally being happier with finding something others never even tried to give.

>>24374245
Those problems are precisely why I don't go into those kind of pubs. It would be nice to try a country pub. And the place really sounds nice. Do you mind if I ask where exactly is it? I like to google places and hope to visit them in the future.

>>24374255

Hah, thank you very much I don't typically type out these sorts of idea so it's nice to receive some praise for them.

>>24374255
If you look up Jurassic Coast its on the south coast in the U.K its a wonderful part of the world. There is a pub here called the Square and Compass which wouldn't go amiss in something like the Witcher or Bards tale.

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everyone hates me even tho im rly pretty so i am always alone and im pretty sure i will kill myself because of it

>>24374288
I'll look into it, thank you very much for mentioning it. I'm thinking of traveling to the UK recently too (though it's mostly Poland/Serbia/Czechia that are in my mind lately)

>>24374299
Are you the one that likes metal and Satan and posted around here with that same image? I would also say that being pretty alone won't make you being appreciated. If you noticed for example I wrote in one of my posts that I don't do what others around me do and just stay with someone for physical pleasure/aesthetic. You shouldn't kill yourself, there is always someone that can appreciate you, but you should also enrich your inner part, not the outer one only.

Bumping the thread and seeking pubs (because I'm a curious human being)

I'm curious though guys. How do you 'make friends'? I mean, I get along well with people, and even end up doing things with them sometimes - but I lack this 'group of friends' most people seem to have. How do I find one, and how do I get accepted into one.

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This thread speaks to me, and it looks like it does others too. It's kind of funny how there are many lonely souls, yet we can't seem to find each other, the Internet helps, I'm sure a lot of us don't go outside haha.

As for me I am somewhat shy but csn speak to and get along with others pretty alright if they talk to me first. I have people I consider friends, but I feel like I'm never my true self around anyone, like nobody knows me properly, not even my family really. I feel lonely a lot of the time and turn to boards like this, sometimes I'll add a few people on Kik but usually I can gauge from a few conversations that we don't "click" or we aren't on the same page even if they don't think the same way and become bored and distant again, it sucks. And it makes me feel mean when I just cut contact like that.

I should probably stop trying to search for "that person" or "soulmate" who's going to complete me or whatever, because I think it's more of a problem in me.

>>24374645
I really want that. All I want is to have a group of people I hang out with, we wake each other up by visiting each other in their homes without announcement and make inside jokes

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I can't become romantically invested
I've always been a pretty social person, and I can honestly say I care about (some very few) people which is some of my family
But when it comes to sexual and romantic relationships it's weird
I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now, which is nice because I used to whore out a lot when I was younger so I never really was in a committed relationship before
The thing is, I want to care about him, I want to love him, I want to feel these things
I just simply can't, whenever we're talking and going through the motions it seems like to me that I say and do these relationship things like the "I love you"s and such because I feel like I should, not because I actually feel it, y'know?
Like if he were to die the next day, it wouldn't bother me any, I'd just go on with my day and do what ever it is I need to do
On the outside everything seems fine and dandy but it just feels like a hollow and empty experience, and it's just very depressing, but at the same time this is the closest I've ever gotten to love and I don't know if it is and I just can't feel it anymore or what

I hope I'm wrong, but I think I'm just not cut out for relationships like this
Is this like genuine autism or something that can be fixed or what, it sucks
And it's crushingly lonely

>>24374314
no, thats not me. i just like that picture

>>24374674
Same, except I don't search because I don't think such a person exists. I want friendship, but I fail to understand most social cues, and people make me very uncomfortable.

>>24374645
I have various groups of friends, but with that I also refer to just one or two friends in a particular city I lived in. I spent years with them before considering them this way. It's not about being accepted, it's about building one, together.

>>24374674
I think limiting yourself only to people on kik or from here is also a problem. Many people here just talk because they're bored, and don't really think of you as another human being. I dislike this kind of attitude.

>>24374697
I've read a very similar post to this one in /adv/ a long time ago. I wonder if you're the same person. I felt like that too with my ex, sometimes I would just say those because she would be saying them too, and probably not liking her and knowing she was also desirous of cheating didn't help. Did you notice if this sensation came up after you got with him, or was there before him too, maybe with others, maybe just not directly manifesting itself? If he's your boyfriend there is probably a reason for you to have chosen him, isn't it?
Having been in a similar condition and knowing how lonely it can be, in spite of the premises of a couple, I would suggest you to stop and analyze exactly what makes you not feel how you think you should: is it just the conventions of saying this or that word or behaving in a certain way? Not feeling something for him directly? You probably do this already, but I think that's important to do it again more in the future. If anything, I hope you can be happy and the problem can be solved.

>>24375066
many social cues are not exactly normal, at least that's what I got with people I talked with often: they're really used to other people behaving in this or that way, and when one deviates, being more at ease than he/she should be, they get uneasy themselves. At least that's my case sometimes.

>>24374697
I can relate to this. I've been in two long term relashionships (about 7 years each) they both slowly ended up turning to shit as they neared the end due to what you described, I don't seem to be able to express these feelings of love in a relashionships as they don't seem all that strong to me. I'm much happier when not in a relashionship and seem to find it easier to just have a fwb relashionship now where we usually get together hang out a bit and fuck. That seems to be working out just fine at the moment.

I think I'm in the right thread here. OP's post definitely sounded pretty relateable. I feel pretty lost in the world lately. I'm tired of being the outsider in every group I'm a part of. I never feel like an integral part of anybody's life. Hell, even when I make plans with people (which doesn't happen often) they'll manage to change the plans last minute to something their other friends want to do and I just end up ducking out early or something. I guess it's kinda selfish to just leave because nobody's paying attention to me but I feel like the problem's a little deeper than that. It's not like I'd need someone giving me constant attention while we're hanging out or anything, it'd just be nice to feel like I'm actually involved in things. Part of the reason that I leave is because it's painfully obvious that they'd barely notice or care. I don't have any trouble making "friends" with people, it's just hard making friends that will actually allow me into a group. It gets kinda tiring when I get invited to a party or an outing or something and get told to bring friends when the only people I'd invite are the ones who invited me in the first place. I just want to fit in somewhere, as cliché as that sounds.

>>24375319
I think you would fit pretty well with people that are similar to you and actually want to find the same people. Those you describe seem to be having the same mundane problem or wanting to use you more to get as much company as they can rather than enjoying yours.
This is a problem that is often there: people enjoying using others than actually enjoying their company, which could disappear at any time without further notice. I find that kind fo sad.

>>24375483
Yeah, I think so too. It sucks that people are unwilling to make meaningful connections. I just left uni a year early after 3 years and not a single person I was friends with has tried to keep contact. I lived with some of them for the full 3 years too, and they've just dropped the friendship the second I left. It's doing wonders for my self esteem. Sometimes it's hard to convince myself that it's other people's fault, but I really don't see how it can be my fault that I'm always the first to reach out to people.

I'm not lonely but I am certainly alone. Zero friends and I work from home. I never even see my clients. If it wast for my family always texting me, and by always I mean like once every 2 weeks, I am pretty sure I would fade from existence

>>24373628
this is describing me so well. i'm generally very good with people but at the same time i don't feel like i am, i think what's hard is that i can predict people pretty well like what their going to say about a certain topic, how'll they'll react, etc and i can tell when people are fake pretty quick. but it seems like everyone is so concerned about such petty bs and sometimes i just want to scream at them "are you fucking kidding me? their are people is this world who have been to hell and back and you want to make a big fucking deal about not being able to get the new fucking IPHONE?" and then the ignorance about nearly everything that has to do with the outside world and the judgmental people (i'm talking about a family member now) who will shit talk about other people while they've done the exact same shit, if not worse. i feel like i can't really open up to anyone because whenever i have it's been used to hurt me one way or another so i guess i have what's called trust issues

>>24373628

I've spent about the last couple years without really bonding with anyone but my girlfriend, who moved out to a different state to continue studying a while ago (I'm living in this place where I don't have any relatives or family). At first I felt I was probably not bonding with others because I spent most of my time with her but even after she left, I completely fail to establish a connection with others - and I am completely okay with it, to be honest. I don't dislike the feeling at all. Sometimes the few relatives I talk to get worried when they ask about the social aspect of my life. But I really enjoy my loneliness. Despite that, I admit there has been a few times I've looked for someone to talk to online but I haven't managed to keep in touch with someone, and I'd like to.
I know I'm okay but it feels like my personal limbo. I get home, I do my stuff, I cook, I work out, I read, I work on my projects and on my music, sometimes I visit this and other sites just to read about other people or look for a skype buddy for a bit but sometimes getting a phonecall, text message or anything at the wrong time makes me slightly upset.
I've considered going to the psychologist they have at work, either way it's free, and even though I don't talk to a lot of people, when I know I'm being heard I can keep talking on and on for hours straight.
I don't worry too much about it, I see it more as a temporary thing that will change when my life takes a different course, but I can't not notice I'm a very lonely person.

>>24373628
Look up schizoid personality disorder.

I became a shut-in for many years and realized I do not/cannot enjoy company. I want friendship but it's very hard and exhausting for me to maintain it.

I think many of my habits are rooted in fear of rejection as most of my childhood memories are ones of rejection and being bullied. I never became close with any members of my family and felt hated by my parents most of the time. My siblings hated me because I had a mean streak a mile wide. I took to escaping online, but my childish behavior must have been very off putting to people, because people didn't really like me online either.

I gradually cut myself from all friends irl and clung to an mmo years later. In those years I had learned to not share anything with people due to shame, since I was a shut-in and many of my peers were in or had graduated from university. I didn't want to be judged anymore so I decided not to have friends. I did meet my SO and he is the only person I consider my friend.

Eventually I moved and made a friend in my new location, but it has always felt hollow and I have not talked to her in seven months.

All in all I'm very lowly and I'm stuck in a state of arrested development. I hate myself so much and I'm controlled by fear. I dislike people because they cause me extreme anxiety, and in the end socializing brings me very little happiness. When I did socialize, I was always thinking that I'd rather be at home and online, even though I only ever watched people talk while keeping myself at a distance.

I can't really imagine what it's like to enjoy another person's company. I don't include my boyfriend in this because I don't think "life partner" is the same concept as "friend" or "support network comprised of friends," the people who chatter and eat and cook and go shopping and knitting and book clubbing with you. Mundane things normal friends do.
I

I can comment on relationships they pretty much suck. Finding the right person I've found is a complete waste of time. When I was younger I was really antisocial. I would constantly worry about what others thought of me. Felt like I was nothing more then a burden and I did nearly succeeded at suicide once. Though I had a family member catch me and beat the crap out of me for it. A year later she was the one who ended up suiciding sucked cause she was popular and had so much going for her. But it did make me realize suicide hurts people around you more then anything. I eventually got into online gaming mmos and over the course of a few years I got more social. I don't have trouble making friends though friend making is hard cause it's easy for people to just suck or be crappy friend material. But my advice is don't give up you will make friends even if they are weird or like games and anime.

>>24376839
I'm probably contradicting myself in regards to him, but I think what I mean is that he is his own person and I cannot rely on him to fulfill all of my needs in the way a stable circle of friends can nourish a person's spirit I guess.

I really wish life was different, and I wish I was a different person. I know only I can make these changes for myself, but it still does not stop the feeling of worthlessness and helplessness that is always on my mind, even if I am doing something else.

To be honest, I can't imagine what it's like living a life where a person doesn't say to themselves every day how they are worthless. How they're alone. How they hate themselves and hate others, because people are awful anyway. I haven't existed without these thoughts for at least a decade, though they are less invasive when I am less depressed and more active.

Even when I am a productive person they are still active, though.

Well, that's my experience of loneliness. A lot of it is self-created and rooted in fear and anxiety. I was diagnosed with depression when I was a child. I believe today I would also be diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, but I don't know what it would matter anyway as I've found medication to be ineffective.

I hope one day I can make a friend and feel something for it.

I tend to be fairly lonely but I've gotten to the point where I'm simply used to it for the most part. I'm sort of generic in the whole "I'm shy until I get to know you, then I'm a loud and obnoxious goof" yet I have a hard time even having the desire to get to that point with people. Every time I've opened up to someone I either wind up being stuck with someone clingy, someone I grow to hate due to them being an awful person, someone that grows to hate me, one that drifts away slowly, or someone that falls in love when I feel nothing for them. I've grown to generally stay away from people because I know they'll either disappear, cling, fall in love, or cause unneeded drama and it's maddening because all I used to want was someone I could just talk to about whatever whenever but I know how unrealistic that truly is. With the one person I've been friends with for 10 years now I simply despise and just put up with them just so I'm not completely alone, and finding someone to be in a relationship with would not be a solution since I'm completely horrified of them after some terrible ones. The worst thing is I love talking with people I get to know and can talk for hours, but I also feel like I can't let people get that close and desire isolation.

tl;dr I'm an idiotic loner

19/ f
I grew up never having any friends but suddenly this year people want to be my friend however I hate them all because I find them stupid and I cannot connect with anyone. I wish I could hug someone I relate to.
They all seem like slaves to their emotions who value those over the truth and dishonest about who they are.
Also I'm kind of /pol/ so people would hate me anyway if they knew me.
Lastly I'm really annoying when I'm being myself, even my mother hates talking to me because I'll ask her about the philosophical meaning of a silly movie like sausage party or explain to people exactly why something they say is "weird" is actually not weird at all and to be expected.
Kik: solitheon

>>24375526
Like you say, from time to time it's difficult for me to also accept that it's not solely my fault if people don't keep connections: the fact is that we're getting more and more used to just talk conveniently at any time we want, and true, meaningful friendships are hard to come by. I see my father and many other adults having friendships that last years, doing favours without asking ever anything back. Going into bars and having free coffees or just getting material for free because of these friendships. Nowadays people always ask you things, they think "We're friends but the rest comes first", and the rest also includes "Having new friends available when you're gone".
But there are people that won't stop to that or think like that, so don't lose hope anon.

>>24376795
>I don't worry too much about it, I see it more as a temporary thing that will change when my life takes a different course, but I can't not notice I'm a very lonely person.

I notice that very often lately, and I fear that without doing something it will stay so. That's also why I opened the thread, to voice my thoughts.

>>24376839
>>24376877
I know you will anon, and I'm sorry you're in that condition at the moment, but you can also do a lot to change this situation by starting to twist it around and feel worthless to consider yourself in that way. It might not always work, but attempt it. One last thing: they say that friends make for the best life partners. Maybe there is some truth also with you and your boyfriend.

>>24376850
The beauty of the people is their 'weirdness' and different attitude and experience. That's why I enjoy talking with others, but not when there is too much shared or forced on me. I'm very sorry about your experiences. Go out often, take walks and try talking with some people at least once per week or more if you can later on.

>>24376936
This is surprisingly similar to my experience.

>>24376936
To continue: you shouldn't exactly stay in the state of hating those people you've known for so long, you should be honest with them and talk directly about them. We both know this might make them go away, but they also need to try and get beyond the state they are now, unless the problem stems just by you hating them and not them behaving in the ways you described without chance of change. I would try anon.

>>24376955
That phrase, "I wish I could hug someone I relate to", makes me remember how many times I wanted to physically be close to many of the people distant from me that I could connect with, but never could because of the physical distance between us.
That's not exactly an overtly weird behaviour, in my opinion many others do that. I'm not sure what you mean by "I'm kind of /pol/", since I generally go there only randomly and it makes me just think of random anti-jews posts or images of explosions/happenings etc., but I think you can easily grow to detach something you feel can be an hindrance with relating to others with you. Not saying that you have to do that primarily though: I think there are surely people you can connect with even with the problems you list. While I wouldn't ask my mother the philosophical meaning of a silly movie, but rather something else that is maybe less silly, I don't think your behaviours are weird. She probably sees them weird in her own eyes, and many people go through "conventions of speaking", in where they feel like needing to establish some words before proceeding to talk. Among this "I know it's silly" "I'm going to be honest" "I don't mean to sound (x) but," and so on, which are generally taken from others used to talk this way.
I might contact you later if I find some time, but I would say that it will be useful for you to realize when to be yourself and when not, and wait for people to re-open and warm themselves to the possibility of being open-minded rather than simply judgmental.

>>24377012
>>24377012 #
I guess. I kind of dislike them anyway, I could be tolerant but I don't find to be worth my energy in most cases. Most people I meet lack self awareness and are very unaware of why they think/ feel or do things thinking that they are good people when in reality we are all shit. I also tend to lose myself with others and hanging out with someone in a way that isn't stressful for me is a lot of work.
I'd rather not make friends just for the sake of not being alone because that turns out to be far more depressing.
I'm in a constant limbo of wanting to be around others because I crave contact and wanting to be alone because being around others is only enjoyable in theory and not in practice.

>>24377361
>being around others is only enjoyable in theory and not in practice.

I sadly experienced this a lot lately. But you don't have to find friends just for the sake of not being alone, my hope is that you can find nice people to talk to, more decent than those that just think they're good and behave like shit.

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19/trans/usa

RedMatzoo

>likes
Undertale music
Drawing
Trans girls

>dislikes
"Hi how are u"
Pic begging
Random dickpics

Im a pisces if that means something ; - ;

>>24377408
I don't mind if people aren't "good" as long as they're honest with themselves.

>>24376996
Yeah, it would be pretty nice to have that kind of mutually beneficial friendship. Most friendships I have feel like I give a lot and get very little back. I almost feel like a caretaker for some of my friends, they'll only talk to me when things are going badly for them and none of their other friends want to talk to them about it. Sometimes I wish people wanted me around for the good times as well as the bad.

>>24377676
I once was told by someone that I needed to escape this kind of toxic environment, the same you describe. I will search this person's post later with more time.

>>24377676

It's difficult but it might be best to drop those friendships and look for new ones if you aren't satisfied with how they are treating you. There is always the option to talk to them about the issues as well if you think they'll listen.

>>24377361

From just the few posts you've made I originally got the impression that you were someone a bit uptight and believed yourself to be above others. Though the more I think on it the impression I get is someone who is simply very curious about life.

Being /pol/ can be a very dangerous path to go down especially when you start believing every stereotype about someone before you get to now someone. That person you could connect with may never get the chance because you push them away because of their birthplace/heritage.

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>every time i try to socialize it ranges from awkward to downright painful
>still feel the urge to do it

I always thought my disconnection from people was more: depression>don't enjoy much>therefore I can't have a shared interests with anyone.
That is, my enjoyment of things is so dulled it's unsettling when I see people enjoy things normally. Whereas two people would talk to each other and be psyched that they have something in common, I always see the person in question liking our mutual interest so much more than me that I question whether I liked it in the first place.

But seeing some other people that are well off yet have this disconnection thing going on makes me think I've got more than just depression going on.

>>24375185
But everyone seems to already have one - so you need to 'join in' somehow, if you're late to the party. Of course, they get built through the years, but at my age, nearly everyone, except for people like me, already have one.

>>24378474
>Of course, they get built through the years, but at my age, nearly everyone, except for people like me, already have one.

It's a catch-22 situation. I'm guessing you're in your mid-late 20s?

>>24378495
Early 20s, actually. I'm about to turn 21 - but I'm not in murrica, so this isn't something special for me.

>>24378498
Then you still have time to make friends and build social circles. I guess you go to uni, join clubs over there.

It's a lot harder when you're over 25 and should have a sure idea of where you're heading but don't.

>>24378528
There's no clubs in my uni, there's only the equivalent of a frat in my Swiss uni. I guess I'll try joining that.

>>24378536
I guess you could try meetups.

>>24378536
just make yourself talk to people. half of the time it gets positive results

>>24378579
I actually have a group work class, started 2 weeks ago. I'm talking to the guys I met there and drank with them once when the frat had a free beer event on campus, but other than that, not much happened.
>>24378578
Meetups like?

>>24378583
Whatever interests you. Go to meetups..com.

I'd go to gaming ones but I kinda feel to square for them, especially since geek chic is popular now.

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Gonna turn 21 years old in one hour.

Kissless virgin. It's all my fault and I know it, I decided to take interest in nerdy stuff in one of the most normie countries in the world and I never actively seeked out girls, and now my inexperience combined with my shyness and the fact I'm dense as fuck makes me completely unable to start a conversation with any girl. The only way I can lose my virginity at this point is if a girl takes the lead big times and literally pushes herself on me. Wonder where those girls are tho.

At least I have my vidya.

>>24378891
>At least I have my vidya.

Vidya becomes a chore if you depend on it.

>>24377924
OP I'm curious. You sound similar to me with the way you describe interacting with people and I was wondering how many actual friends you have.

Cause I'd say I only have between 1-3 people that I would call actual friends.

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>>24378914
Lucky me I have lessons 8 hours a day, run, bike, do some lifting because otherwise I look like a skeleton and I think girls want some meat on the bone, and also have to watch anime and shitpost on 4chan.

I feel lonely when I go to sleep, look at the ceiling and think "shit son, you didn't talk to anyone that wasn't my mom on the cellphone all day, what are you doing?". On these moments I really, really wish I had a lover that knows everything about me, just to share all this stuff I do, and then I want to know all the stuff she did.

I promise myself I'll be more social tomorrow, that I won't die alone etc.

Next day I repeat the whole thing. I hope I'm gonna make it.

>>24378891
I'd probably be in the same 'group' as you hadn't I gotten a GF when I was 16. I'm about the same age you are too. I feel for you breh. Just go out and get them grills. It's the easiest in your age.

My girlfriend moved to France this August. When she left I felt this horrible emptiness inside me and I instantly tried to fill it by hooking with people. It was fun at first, now it's just kinda whatever. I'm tired of online dating. It always ends up being a bummer in the end.

She messaged me the other day and told me she'd been popping t3's and drinking a lot. She told me she feels alone and isolated in France and here I am stuck in fucking Canada by myself and I can't do anything about it.

Everyday's been pretty empty. Yeah I talk to people and they keep me company sometimes. Maybe I'm not as lonely as I think am. As of right now everything in this city has become meaningless. I want to leave, I feel like I need to start again. I spend my whole day high, not eating, and just droning through my work and school days, hoping for something better to come.

I've been listening to Solace by Earl Sweatshirt a lot. Sorry I'm like this Mom.

This girl I was seeing dumped me for her ex last week. The guy she spent the last 3 months saying she'd never go back with. I was there for her all the time. She went through some very, very traumatic shit and I was there.
Whenever she needed me.
And (I thought) she did the same. Maybe I was too caught up in my illusion of her to see if something was off.
But goddamn, she swept me off my feet. I never thought I'd have a shot with her, you know? She's so beautiful and popular in college and I'm just a weird nerd.
Yet she went out of her way to say she thought I was the love of her life. And after you've gone through as many shitty stupid relationships as I have (to the point of actually getting engaged and being dumped), that means something.
Now I can't do anything but drink through my days, flunk my tests in college and worry the few friends I have.
I feel this gaping hole in my life, just making it shittier.
Goddamn, I feel so fucking alone and pathetic.

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>tfw part of being a better person requires you to be isolated until the process of bettering yourself is complete
>socialization is an important part of the human experience and is vital to a healthy mental state

I can't win.

>>24377012
I know I shouldn't stay in the state of hating them, but even when I tell them about it only a few things change. Over the past couple of years I've been fucked over, had things stolen that I lent and every time they say they'll pay me back eventually they wind up dodging the subject when I bring it up once they can afford to, cheated out of money, and generally treated as someone below them. I got to the point where I told them off about their behavior and exclaimed my hate loud and clear, but very little changed. I guess I'm also a sucker for punishment and am that terrified of being completely alone because here I am still around them

>>24379736
Sounds like you need to ditch them even at the expense of not being alone.

>>24379826
I know you're right, and I have tried before yet they keep worming their way back into my life. I just need to get serious and actually get them to fuck off from my life forever

>>24379884
If you're gonna keep them make sure you get something out of them since it's not really a friendship anyway.

>>24379906
Yeah, it's more of I'm a secondary wallet for food and booze at this point since they keep saying they'll repay or pay for me at some point but never do

I was about to post a big reply to everyone from my last post, but the computer died and I lost the message. Will rewrite something better later, for the moment I'll bump the thread.

>>24380115
That's really not good, I would be clear with them that I can't afford this all like this and if they go then it wouldn't be a major loss. Maybe sad for discovering it ended up like this, but I think it would be better to just make leechers go away rather than stay.

>>24380370
I do my best and tell them they gotta pay for their own shit but then they get moody and occasionally pull the "you're making more than me" card, so it really is better to be done with them

I want a female romantic companion that can be my partner in crime. I mean like someone to come home to and travel with. We still have our own lives and whatnot.

>>24380477
Just withdraw slowly, so they don't notice.

hi

>>24380477
Do like >>24381375 says, also that is no good reason for taking your money. I am being helped a lot by a friend of mine, he is paying for a lot of things for me, and he says "I earn too many money, don't worry about it".
But what will happen when he needs those money for something related to him, his family, urgency, holidays, something serious, medicines, and so on? Or his own family? I feel like shit every time he does that, and they should feel too. A friend telling you "You earn more than me anyway"? I would feel like a piece of trash saying something like this, a leech. They are no friends.

>>24380522
There are many girls that say they want to go on adventures randomly when coming home. You should write this in the skype thread or ideal mate thread.

>>24381749
Hello there

Bumping the thread before going away for a bit. Hope you guys are doing well.

Hello! I could definitely use someone to talk to.

>>24382970
If you don't mind a delayed reply, you can post here and I'll check it tomorrow after I come back from work. I sadly need to go now, but there are others roaming the thread too.

>>24382970
Still here, anon? You can talk to me.

>>24383037
>>24382979

Thanks a ton! I'm still here. I feel like I'm just that girl people go to when there's no one else around and it's really starting to wear me out. I've always had trouble with depression, but I'm starting to really worry myself.

>>24383049
>but I'm starting to really worry myself.

What has changed?

No clue whether it fits in this thread, but here we go:
I don't know why, but every social occasion feels like a chore. I go 'cause its expected and i try telling myself its better than doing nothing, but i know i won't really enjoy myself. I've got a small group of close friends of which most have gone abroad, so I end up going out with people from university that I only "befriended" cause we bumped into each other at a house party and happened to play the same vidya. They aren't anywhere near my "proper" friends though. I get along with them alright, (though any conversation is gonna be superficial and mundane at best) but I suck at talking to people I don't know. I'm usually not very interested in what they have to say and I know damn well they won't care about what I have to say either. I much prefer silence to some forced small-talk anyway. My close friends all have no problem socialising with random people, but I just absolutely can't figure it out (even with sufficient alcohol level). I'll usually get on with people alright once I know them a bit, but that pretty much only happens through some other friend and through marginal effort of my own.

I've never been good with girls either, but ever since my ex left me I just feel like any attempt at the opposite gender is futile. She was the only girl I've been with and the breakup fucked up my mental state pretty badly...

Either way I just feel fucking empty. I don't exactly have a problem with being alone, but it is nice to have someone you actually connect with, either way i have no clue what to do.

sry for the wall of text

>>24381838
I'll have to try it

>>24383049
I can relate to that a lot. It sucks feeling like a disposable friend. Sounds like you're in a similar situation to me, I've been struggling lately and am really starting to consider seeking professional help.

>>24383049
Very sorry for not replying earlier. What you describe is something I felt often, because people would first go to check on others or stay with others, and then when those people were not available, they would check on me and ask me to provide or do things. It felt like I was disposable and just useful for that, which wasn't exactly nice.
I can tell you that it doesn't depend from you, if it happens, but it depends mostly on people behaving this way. Nonetheless, there are probably those that do see you as a good friend, and it might be your own impression that the situation is so. My advice is not to take this thought of being 'the last resort' as something that is a constant or a given, because there are high chances that is just an impression you get from some behaviours you saw. You can also make new and better friends, here and in real life if you want, that won't go to you just when no one else is around. You're valuable as a person, and it's good that you posted here. Be strong anon, I'm sorry to hear about your depression, and I hope things improve very soon for you.

>>24383166
I think you should try a different kind of experience with friends, and many people go through conventional actions to socialize, which also left me a bit clueless from time to time: the fact is that they expect you to do this or that generally, or say statements, laugh a lot, turn around and stop laughing and feel the void inside. It's something I rarely do, rather I talk genuinely with them. This has the consequences of making them do:
1) a full opening of themselves to me, like they really are
2) or they close and we don't socialize.

It's not only you anon, my opinion is that people are too used to these kind of conventional actions that are a bit shallow and mundane. And yeah, having someone with whom to connect is important, but you will probably find someone else soon, a right person with whom to be, I'm sure of it.

>>24383733
Same advice for you dear anon

Hello I'm lonely and depressed. Have a lot going on in my life. Looking for someone to talk to. I'm a bisexual top. I'm 6'4 around 260 Kik me chubbyguy1980

Bumping the thread back.

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For me I'm surrounded by a close band of childhood friends who I can count on and whom they can count on. We always hangout whenever even if one us living 2 hrs away from all of use will go to their place or they come down to our place. 3 out of the 6 of them have a been taken for a good long while now, hell one of them are already married and one is engaged and another one soon to follow. And I'm not bitter towards them just glad they found someone who makes them happy. So for me and my other bro the one who lives two hours away are the only ones who have trouble with women. I've been single for the past 2 years and I've been putting myself out there and usually I'll get a reply or two from someone and the first couple of conversations go great and then after couple of days it just fizzles out. The last 2 girls I was would talk the fuck out of whatever and would legitimately try and get to know me and I would do the same but for a while now I feel like I get brushed off to easily. I don't know what it is but I feel like I keep setting myself off for disappointment every time I'm ready to invest in someone. I mean half the time the other person doesn't know what they want half the time so it always ends up getting fucked up Fuck I just miss bonding with a someone of the opposite sex who actually cares about you. Sounds like a majority is being used like an emotional pump n dump in this thread.

At this point I've tricked myself into a loop of depression and then feeling like everything is gonna be alright. I'm tired of it

>>24386578
Does this happen only online, or also in real life?

Bumping the thread for the day. This night was kind of difficult for me, I read something and it made me think of how close it was to something I desired to have. Probably not gonna look decent for work, but I don't care much at the moment, overall I'm glad I read it in spite of it making me a bit sad.
Hope you guys are doing okay, feel free to write more in the thread while I'm away.

>>24388318
What was it you read that made you feel down?

I feel like I’m slowly becoming more and more antisocial. I’ve always been a loner. Looking back, I suppose I just didn’t like the shallow experiences others offered. I did try to share deeper parts of myself with others, but it always seemed like every time I did, that information was thrown back at me when the friendship hit a rough patch. I thought it would get better with my college years, but college was filled with the same shallow people from high school, only having different names and faces. They were either interested in partying, chasing tail, or elevating their in-group social statuses. I ended up graduating college with one or two friends that live hours away, feeling more alone than ever.

Unsurprisingly, dating is even a bigger disaster than this. I’m still single, at an age where most of my peers are settling down, getting married, or expecting their first (planned) child. Being essentially homosexual with a tenuous home situation does complicate my dating situation but I can’t help but wonder if there really is someone out there I can share my life with where a long term relationship is a realistic option, given the average quality of single people I have encountered so far in my life.

The sad thing is that I do have a few friends I could try to reach out to, and I could always do something with my siblings, but I just can’t bring myself to reach out. My ability to make new friends is markedly impacted as I feel the time I spend talking to new people should be better spent on the friends from my past. I feel trapped. Some days I feel like I’m walking alone down a darkened corridor with no end in sight. I feel it’s getting worse.

I honestly miss the days of Yahoo Chat/Messenger, where you could talk to the same small group of people every night and there was enough distance to allow you to express your opinion freely to a group of strangers but intimate enough to feel like you actually mattered to other people.

>>24373628
Fuck OP, I haven't felt anything for another person for as long as I can remember. People like me and even love me and I hate it because I can't make myself feel anything back. I feel alone but still can't connect with people, even if they feel connected to me. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Been in therapy and shit and they don't know what to do with me. Gave me a bunch of different meds, nothing helped.
I'm just a junkie now, alone in life with a dead end job. I don't even feel sad, just empty.
I thought I might have something with somebody online. It was really confusing for me and they ended up deleting me anyway so it doesn't matter anymore. I don't know what I'm doing.

>>24388381
It was a manga, Happiness. It's difficult to say exactly what makes me sad of it and what not, because it's from multiple POVs in the story, not just related to a situation or a character. I can tell you that whenever I feel sad for these things I feel anyway more happy that I experienced it.

>>24388823
Do you watch House of Cards? In season 4 Doug ends up talking more to his brother, because of a few things happening. He starts to bond more with him and his family as well, and fights his own inner demons. I can tell you that you reminded me of him partially, and I think you should try to both reach out more your siblings, as well as seeking in different places someone that you can be with.

>>24388901
many people randomly delete without reason, but my advice to you is not to bring forward or put forward this problem of yours, as in: don't think constantly "I have this problem" or "I should feel something and I'm not, as usual"; just try to go with the flow and don't worry if you can't feel something. If someone interests you rather than giving you more than interest, then pursue the interest anyway. You can possibly teach your brain and body to adapt to feel something 'different' from what you usually feel, aka the nothingness, with time.

>>24388823

Bumping. How was your day so far anons?

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Well, I will be going for the night. Sending good thoughts to you all.

>>24391002
Goodnight anon. Sorry for only seeing the thread so late, but you seem like a pretty swell dude for checking in on the people here. Sleep tight.

>>24385705
Hey everyone just looking for friends Kik me chubbyguy1980

I am really terrible with people. I have always had a lot of difficulty making friends, and I have had no luck after graduating highschool.
Due to life separating me from the few friends I had, I now have none. I've never had a girlfriend either at 24.

I just find it very difficult to socialize with people I've just met. This usually kills things right off the bat. People think I'm weird or they mistakenly believe that I don't want to talk to them and then they just stop interacting with me.
Because of this I have just gotten used to begin alone, so all of my interests are solitary pursuits. It just perpetuates itself because my lack of social experience makes it very difficult to gain any social experience.

Get in a fight, get some scars.
Turn the volume of your life up quite a lot.
Stop been so metropolitan middle class.

>>24391726
>get in a fight, get some scars

If only you knew anon.

>>24390430
Somewhat better. Might be getting a job soon, so that's something. :D Yours?

>>24392308
Very nice news, am glad. My day is going to start in a bit, so I wish you guys a good one.

>>24392287

It is interesting that you only choose take ownership on what it is the easiest to achieve. That will lead you to the feeling of premature enlightment, but if not followed trough will bring you back to origin.

There are many of us that compulsibly get off on self inflicted melancholy, Piazzolla and The Cure are almost a religion in my home town.

My advantage, which I just recently discovered, is that before I forgot how to listen to my natural instincts, in the traditional hunter-gatherer sort of way, I was living a semi feral life. Then I moved to the city, and shit happens, and then you become this silly parody of a French existentialist.

I wonder if you ever were able to be you, without the need to think about who you think you are, in the disociative nirvana-like process of living the now by feeling and not thinking.

Thinking to be able to feel, to be able to develop empathy is a common trend of the used up turn of the millennium bourgeois.

Or maybe I'm overthink it, and you just needed someone to whine to for a bit, and not some one with an external evaluation.

>>24392287

You can call me Nemo, if you fancy.

Bumping the thread from oblivion

>>24392436
>>24392519
Do you think you ended up actually becoming a French existentialist?

Bumping the thread. Tomorrow is gonna be interesting in regard to feelings.

Way too deep for me, even alienated from the lonely people.

>>24395043
Haha. How's life today?

>>24394310

A silly parody of one, yes.

The nausea did start for me in the cold and hard touch of a pebble picked up from a puddle of clay and autum rain.

But to get there you girlfriend needs to ran away with an electrical engineer, while you are unemployed, and OD in Manchester. You need to discover that you cannot really write, and your musical talent will never be at par with the druggies and drunks that don't really care about what they play, but call you up for gigs because you have professional grade gear.

And shit like that.

I broke out of it by not trying to reach tomorrow. I take it a day at a time.

I file a lot more things in my Fuck It folder nowadays. It's not easy most of the time, though.

>>24373628
Pretty much me, I have one very good friend though. The weird thing is I am slightly extroverted; I like talking to people. I just don't really connect with anyone. I have never had a real romantic relationship, and have few good friends. I'm pretty normal, people like me well enough, but I just don't connect well with many people. The worst part isn't necessarily being alone, but the fact that it seems like everyone around me has a group of friends they fit super well into, it seems like they have a significant other who they really connect with, but I guess it's just not for me.

>>24395762
I can imagine, but I'd say that you sound like someone that criticizes himself more and more after what happened, and you should be wary of that. There is much you can do with your talents, also enhancing them if you want them to improve.

>>24396112
The groups of friends are there for me, more or less in a detached way most of the times, but I do care about them and will not forgive whoever hurts them. The connection with a significant other instead... probably gonna be missing for a while.

>>24396554
Bump to salvation

With the weekend around, I can finally dedicate myself to more than just work for more than a few hours per day. (spoiler: it never ends up like that).
What are your plans for it anons? How are you guys doing today?

I've ended up dealing a bit with some people that seem to be interested in me. I'm considering whether to force myself open and try to be happy with them, which is probably not going to happen.

>>24398427
Not this weekend, but next weekend I will meet up with my friend and hopefully acquire some acid
Protip: psychedelics are an excellent tool for introspection

>>24399263
I personally don't enjoy drugs, for reasons that go from having watched friends dying from overdoses to just not liking weed culture when it's about that. But I did hear of people capable of introspecting with them. It's just that it seems sometimes like others use those to try and feel something that can distract them from living in a rut. But that's just my judgmental opinion. With it aside I do hope you'll have fun dear anon.

leaving for the night, enjoy

>>24373628
I genuinely believe that my life would be 100 times better if all I had was good looks. The fact that I'm ugly sits in the back of my mind all day. And I don't want to forget because I feel like I'll be hiding the truth from myself. I walk around with my head down all day. I have gone many days without saying a single word to another person ( and I'm in college). I want out of this shit life

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Ive struggled with pretty bad social anxiety for most of my life. have always had a really hard time making friends and dont even get me started when it comes to women. I dont know why I feel this way about myself. I feel like such a child and I want it to stop and feel better about myself but I just cant. I think too much.

The worst thing is that all I want in this world is a girl to love me. I could care less about money or having to do a lot of work, but I know the only thing I will never have is true love. Why has God forsaken me?

I can't even tell if I want people in my life or not anymore.

I'm the cause of my own loneliness but at the same time I almost am at peace with the state of things. Part of me wants people in my life, but another knows I can only end up dissapointed.

>>24396112
Are you me? I sure don't remember writing this.

I have not felt this alone in a long time. I'm in a failing relationship that has been sinking for the past few years but I've refused to jump ship out of fear and hope that it can turn around (it never will). Our sex life could not be more dead. She doesn't respect or have pride in me. She disapproves and looks down upon me because of my interests in anime and gaming. She used to be more interested in my geek aspirations but over time she has "matured" (her words) and does not find the amusement anymore in such things. We have nearly nothing in common anymore. And yet we are stuck together because we stupidly bought a home together a year back.

I have no idea what to do. I have no one to talk to. I have no real friends I can really talk to about serious shit. I just feel so alone despite not actually being alone that it makes me want to scream or cry sometimes but I can't because it would just start a fight.

I just wish I could have someone who would listen and care about what I have to say and be supportive.

I guess I don't really have a point in posting this. Just needed to get it out.

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I suppose that I could say that I'm lonely, albeit I don't feel the emotions associated with it much anymore. It's a sort of odd existence I guess you could say, or rather the reality that not everything seems as bright or works out as everyone hopes that it should in life. I'll certainly keep going, go about the daily motions, try to live as I should, but the beating of my heart has no other significance other than to keep my body moving. I'm not sure if it can beat for another anymore, but it's better not to speak in absolutes.

I've always loved the idea of soul mates you know? That sort of deep passion and romantic edge to it all, it's a very wonderful idea. I'm not sure if I can believe in that anymore, or even love to an extent. To see others around you take it for granted, squander it like it's nothing, it really does change your outlook on things. To have an opportunity for such happiness being snuffed out by obligation or some manner of keeping up appearances, it's sad really.

So yes, I'd say that I'm probably lonely, or at least I am in one context of the word. Romantic loneliness perhaps, but then again at this point I'm not even sure if I'll ever be able to find a remedy. To stand alone for so long really does take it's toll, especially when others assure you it's not any issue on your part. Maybe it'd be best to just stick to my thoughts and daydreaming instead.

Leibe ist tot.

I've been a loner my entire life. I had a small circle of friends growing up and I genuinely thought they were my friends and a few of us actually went to the same university but ill be damned if I've talked to them in a few years. Since getting to university I've had no friends, sure there were a few people I thought were friends. But when I missed a week of school recently not one of them asked what was going on.

I am a shy and quiet person. Combine that with social anxiety and I don't make friends quickly, let alone finding a girlfriend. Yes I am a lonely person, though at this stage in my life I have come to accept that I will always be lonely. No one wants to interact with me and the few people who I thought were friends turned out to not actually be friends.

I have been lonely every since being a small child when I was forced to be isolated. Because of certain events, I was basically mute all throughout school. I have not come out of my shell, and shelter myself from everyone irl without knowing better. So recently, I have made a few skype friends. Only to realize that online friends are apparently not real friends, which is no wonder the ones I have become attached to, left me without warning. I am 18 now and think it may be time to get a boyfriend. I have had two recently before(ldr), and they were terrible experiences..I was treated badly. I am now very paranoid. I go on 4chan to browse other boards because of shutin hobbies mostly, but it seems that when I try to make any friends, people just think I am weird or not worth talking to, or just want to talk to several girls all the time. It doesnt help that this board has pornography, which i look down upon. Being this alienated hurts my feelings. It just makes me more comfortable to try and make friends online instead of irl, yet even in the lowest of the low, I am still the outcast.
I have a major issue with thinking I am obnoxious. I never talk to/message someone first because I expect them to, and if anything otherwise, they do not like me and therefore i should just forget about them. But I have found that the type of person to be consistent and patient to someone as shy as me is a rare breed. The worst part is that I myself have ghosted others because i found them to be fake or undereducated, so I know what it feels like to not want anything to do with someone. i am very loyal and would just like a friend that enjoys my company and might even have something in common. But I find that unlikely to happen. I feel numb. Life is like a burning high rise for me, and I just want to leap off sometimes.

I've been on and off depression.

I've tried dating sites, fucked one girl at my job and still regularly talk to her but she doesn't like me in that way anymore.

Past year has been good for me socially just I haven't found anyone nearby who wants to hang and actually talk to me regularly outside of internet friends.

I just want friends nearby my area...I drove out to a girl who was an hour away and fell in love for a bit...but yet again she didn't like me in that sense and we went out separate ways.

Found another girl who liked me...and we had 5 dates but the first 2 sucked...the third really made me like her a bit...then the last few I was just getting annoyed because she was non-opinionated on anything, just said idk/idc about whatever I asked her and had a hard time planning stuff. I think I mainly broke it off was because she wasn't like the girl I fell in love with and everything was so hard to do and wasn't easy....she liked me..and I started to like her...idk...I'm fucked up and just want friends...

>>24400758
This gonna sound weird but....is your name Phoebe?

>>24400008
was i sleeping when i wrote this?
>>24383733
i am also in a similar situation. i did not realize that so many other people felt like they are just a digital item that can be easily disposed, never a first choice. Hopefully we will all find happiness and put some kind of stop to the process. do not hesitate to get the help that you need, the sooner the better i suppose.
>>24379507
it can be hard to find a balance for most, but it is also difficult to see when it will pay off really
>>24378348
quite the paradox isnt it
>>24376936
i can relate to this so much. It seems like everyone is either a problem or something I cannot have, and start to question if i am some narcisist that is never happy with anything. Yet the people who are super clingy and have terrible morals, its not because I am a special snowflake, its because of their mental issues, or constant need to create drama, and do not actually care about you, its a built up image their selfish mind has. And when its someone that drifts away, its like a feeling of being worthless or a bother. Do you think you need a relationship to be happy or are you just redpilled? I think that you seem selective of who you associate with, and that is not a bad thing. However if you are spending time with someone just because they are there, it may be more worth your time doing a hobby you enjoy possibly, a distraction.

>>24400792
no

What you need is an emergent agency. An emergency. Something that will wake up the wonder and purpose you had as a child and is all too much sold back to us in the form of music, videogames, politics and all other relation.

>>24400835
Oh..Okay. Sorry, but I'm kinda interested in talking...if you don't mind...

>>24400895
possibly :/ i am getting reverse cuck vibes though.

>>24400921
>reverse cuck vibes

How did you get that just from him asking about your name?

>>24400936
chalant

>>24400921
Well I promise not to cuck I guess? You just reminded me of someone I know who visits 4chan is all..but if you don't want to I understand.

I got kik/steam/sc/discord...so name on those is Kahel.

>>24400951
WTF does that mean and how does it explain you thinking he is a reverse cuck just from asking about your name?

>>24401015
Don't worry about it. They mentioned they were paranoid from the start after bad relationships. I'm just some lonely guy trying to make friends. If they don't wanna talk it's fine, not gonna force anyone to talk to me.

>>24401037
I don't care if she talks to you or not. I'm just trying to understand how a brain makes that leap from "Is your name Phoebe?" to "Reverse cuck".

I guess it has been more not being able to relate to someone rather than being physically alone.

It started off as physically alone because I was raised by just my mother, who has learning difficulties + schizophrenia. She'd shut just the two of us up in the trailer for months at a time, and I'd miss a lot of school. Didn't fit in at high school because I didn't have enough social exposure early on, and I developed schizophrenia in my teens as well.

Left home at 16 with $10 in the bank, no family members, no friends. I never felt so lonely as when I developed a lung infection at 17. I woke up finding it hard to breathe, stumbled into the kitchen of a crisis accommodation unit, and lay there on the linoleum realizing I didn't have anyone to take care of me. I was only as strong as the weakest part of myself.

Fit in very well during undergraduate at university, dated a few guys, group of girlfriends to spend tutorials with, but never found anyone I could really relate to. The more I tried, the more upsetting it became.

Started postgraduate medical school this year, and I misjudged my peers a bit. I thought they would all be sheltered, naive, wealthy kids, and I was stand-offish. They are all a lot nicer, more down-to-earth, and hard-working, than I realized. But even now, I don't feel any kind of connection.

And most of the time that's okay, but sometimes, especially at night, I feel a bit like I'm 17 years old again and lying on the cold linoleum, fighting for air.

>>24401114
How did you survive when you were on your own with no money? How did you get from that to medical school?

>>24400781
Gonna add to this cause I was just ranting after getting off work..

Started when I was around 14 when I realized I was depressed a lot.

I was almost molested multiple times as a child, but never hit me till I was older. Grew up in a world of drugs and alcohol with my father verbally abusing me most days and my mother's boyfriend physically abusing me and her and him fighting a lot.

Moved in with my drunken father around 15 so I could get away from the physical abuse, to wind up attempting suicide a few times but just ended up cutting myself badly and heading to the hospital and being berated for hospital bills...but I was alive I guess.

Slowly lost interest in friends and keeping contact, no one bothered with me so I never bothered with them.

But I always wanted a companion of the opposite sex...they just clicked for me emotionally and so I kept getting attached and lead on by girls a lot of my life. Being used by people for their own personal gain because I needed the pleasure of helping people to feel any semblance of being loved. So I tried for years to find that love clinging to anyone who even spared more than a minute of their lives with me.

I moved away finally and got my own place but still feel empty...I see people my age having fun...being in relationships....being happy and I feel like I'm missing out.

I try to be social but it never works out...I just wanna feel loved and have a emotional connection with someone who actually cares about me...right now I have only one true friend and even then I feel like she doesn't even like me as a friend and I have to constantly be reassured.

I haven't had it as rough as many people but I relate to a lot of the people in thread..

>>24400921
what in the fuck is a reverse cuck

>>24401147
I live in Australia, which has a decent welfare system. I moved into crisis accommodation for adolescents with a diagnosed mental health condition; $50 in rent a week. Worked in hospitality for a couple of years while I finished high school online. Worked over the holidays + weekends and relied on Centrelink during undergraduate.

This year employment hasn't been sustainable due to the high contact hours of medical school, so I am pretty worried, yes. I received a small scholarship from my university though, will be old enough to qualify for Austudy next year (high rates than Youth Allowance, a welfare payment), and will be able to take out a low interest loan in my penultimate year.

hello thread

bipolar/very emotional writefag/artist idk. Living with some roommates in a smallish town on Vancouver Island. Experienced severe depression for a long time and extreme dependency on my significant other for a long time. Went from shit relationship to relationship chronically for a long time. Got raped and beat up, that kinda stuff. Dealt with a small drug addiction that lasted until I ran out of money and then idk, moved on I guess.

Play lots of video games. Fighting games mostly nowadays. Just super lonely and dont know what to do with myself alot of the time. University is going okay but im sandbagging on my courses.

I'm a lonely soul, I like to dream and I spend alot of time in my own head. I thrive in relationships but I haven't had any intimacy or male attention in ages and it kinda kills my energy. I'm gay if it matters.

I think I'm worth it I just don't get out much to see other people. I do play 3rd strike with a friend occasionally and go to a local for traditional games but nobody there is like, date material. I don't want a shallow relationship either and its hard to find one here.

I like photography too but I have alot to forget and taking pictures just makes me sad alot of the time.

>>24401186

I should have added this but I'm an insomniac and I get really lonely at night. I usually just drink it off with wine or something but lately I've wanted someone to talk to really bad.

Someone that gets it, I guess? Idk. This is embarrassing.

>>24401207
Wanna chat then maybe? I play some video fighting is not my forte though.

>>24401231

I would love to honestly, save me from this awful sleep dep.

wanna shoot me something to chat with? I have skype/steam/email etc. If you give me steam or skype I can do it on my phone in bed and be cozy.

Anyone wanna add me on discord? I just made one and nobody i know has one.
P. S how the fuck do you add people?

>>24401244
Kahel is my steam/Skype so pick either I'm on both right now.

Be cozy!
>>24401249
No idea but I have discord too same name..

>>24401256

Add my steam

http://steamcommunity.com/id/AndromedaRebirth/

Too many Kahels desu

>>24401260
Kahel with a blackman crying in lol right niow

You want lonely? Try being disabled and holding Alt right political views. Good fucking luck getting decent friends when everyone who's like you is super paranoid about giving out any way to contact them and you can't mingle IRL

>>24400183
Is there no way you can maybe sell the house or decide who is going to keep it and properly divide the money? It sounds quite bad.

>>24400629
Leben ist schwer. I understand well what you mean in regard to romantic loneliness. I think it makes me stop to even try having relationship, when people do not really care or have consideration toward someone that respects them and wanted to do something concrete in a relationship rather than just finding a temporary distraction.

>>24400758
Online friends can be friends. I found many good friends here. Sadly there are also many false friends, like you mention, but that happens as well in real life. If anything, it happens more in real life for me. Consistency is important on both sides, but also the openness of others and you toward each other: there are many people that might think of you being weird for having this or that hobby, but if that ends up becoming a motive of shun, then it means they didn't really want to bound with you in the first place. Unless you go around killing people I doubt you do extremely weird things.

>>24400921
>reverse cuck

Huh. Did you happen to post in a skype thread with the image of a computer and telling to another anon that he was a reverse cuck? It's not the first time I read these words.

>>24400951
being concerned about something doesn't make someone a reverse cuck, maybe one just cares about something else. That is, if I understood the definition of Chalant.

>>24401114
I hope things keep looking better and brighter in your future anon.

>>24401186
>>24401207
>>24401244
Sometimes that feeling hit me as night as well. I sadly can't spend much time playing with others (note: I want to, just a lot to deal with lately), so I won't be much of company I'm afraid. But I might add you on steam later anyway, I prefer to try rather than just dismiss.
Also, I'm very sorry to hear that taking pictures makes you sad, I enjoy seeing what others thought worth of capturing.

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881KB, 1080x767px

>>24400758
Damn. You're like the female version of me. Especially when it comes to online friends. Thank you for posting. I strangely feel less alone. :)

>>24401293
My brother's a autistic paranoid schizophrenic asshole with dyslexia and a gambling problem, and he still pulls more tail than me. Get over your shit dude. I just have adhd

>>24401373
i guess i can see where you are coming from. its the same everywhere.
image of a computer? no, i have not visited one of those in a while and havent even been on g. and me either. reverse cuck has been around a while now a youtuber says it all the time its an ongoing joke thats only recently gaining traction so i was partially being memey, did not mean to offend them. i guess i misunderstood sorry. chalant being really straightforward and overemotional when they could have just used an initial? idk. i was judging from both posts. Also they use kik and discord. my sides.
>>24401558
thanks anon. it makes me feel a bit better to know there are others like me. do not lose hope (:

>>24401373
>Leben ist schwer. I understand well what you mean in regard to romantic loneliness. I think it makes me stop to even try having relationship, when people do not really care or have consideration toward someone that respects them and wanted to do something concrete in a relationship rather than just finding a temporary distraction.

You understand me then, as well as the direction that I'm coming from. I'm not sure what my stance on things is at this point, all that I know is that the will is almost none existent when the reality of it seems as if others around me don't want to put as much effort into a relationship. So I sympathize with you friend, it's hard to care about the world around you when not even a single soul cares enough to return those feelings entirely.

anyone want to chat on steam and maybe play games but mostly just chat? ;-;

>>24401852

which is your steam anon?

I am pretty lonely, but at the same time use to loneliness I guess. I definitely had/have social anxiety and lead a very isolated life, but it seems like my issues go beyond that. I've always been ignored. People aren't exactly mean to me, but they don't really want anything to do with me. No one talks to me. No one invites me anywhere. I'm not worth anyone's time. I am lucky enough to have one friend, but she lives far away and we don't see each other that much, plus I feel like I'm boring and hard to be around when we do hang out. Besides that, I'm a kv at 25 and have no other friends, not even online. At this point I feel like it's too late, that I've missed out on too much and all my opportunities are gone. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, because I don't want to continue to live how I do, but I feel there's no other choice.

>>24402045
Don't miss the new opportunities by focusing only on the past ones.

>>24373628
This is the most incoherent bullshit I've ever read. Proof read your shit dude.

>>24401373
It's thoughtful of you to go through everyone's messages. I hope things look better and brighter in my future too.

It is comforting to read everyone else's messages; I have a similar upbringing with drugs/alcohol/abuse/incarceration within the environment and family, although that didn't follow me when I left home. It's good to read what people are honestly thinking.

I am not looking forward to next year, when we start clinical rotations and are in hospital from 8 am to 5 pm. Being around people is exhausting. I feel more isolated after our interactions.

I have been with someone for 3 years, but I haven't felt anything meaningful for him before. I just don't want to be alone, because it escalates into a black hole where I lose motivation to do anything or get out of bed. He wants to move in together, and I have to tell him at some point that I've never thought of him as situated in my future. He's there while I'm waiting until I meet someone I can relate to, but I don't think it will happen (for most of us, actually). I thought it was mutual.

My savings are dwindling and I'm worried all the time.

I wonder a bit whether I've already met someone who has similar thoughts to me, and felt things in the same way, and understands, and I didn't recognize it or blew it.

>>24402952
I have been incoherent on 4chan for 5 years. Thankfully people manage to go through it.

>>24403161
People do not open themselves easily, you might've met them and not having blown anything since there wasn't anything put forward maybe. We all tend to avoid showing vulnerable sides of us. You could maybe find a group of friends online that you talk often to, in discord, skype, and so on, but meanwhile you need to be constant on your achievements too.

Try to not be too brutal when saying the truth to him, but be firm and truthful as well, without being too shy or timid. Make it clear that you maybe can't stay with him, the job requires you, other pressing matters matter to you, and you want to stay alone for the moment being and until it passes out later on. Hopefully it won't be too stressful.

The situation with the work is gonna be hard, but I know you can do it. Do your best, you're helping out many people with your efforts.

>>24403204
Yes, I suppose blown it in the sense that I wasn't observant enough. I have a lot of friends, just none I want to connect with. Made a few attempts before. There was someone who I knew was seriously depressed, and suicidal in the past, and we had very long talks. I thought maybe it was someone who I could relate to. Then he revealed all of those behaviours were because he was lightly bullied in high school. Which sounds terrible. But I have three missing teeth (replaced them with bridges) from when my mother knocked me out. I can't understand his own dilemma at all.

That is good advice. I haven't broken up with him yet because he's a good person, and I think maybe I should just settle down with someone who is nice and treats me well instead of chasing a fantasy. I'm 24 and haven't been in love, strongly attracted to anyone, etc, before, so maybe this is all there is. I'm ambivalent. It's nice to be able to articulate that to someone, I've never thought it through before. It's just been a nebulous alphabet soup and I've acted on instinct instead, which is why we've been together for 3 years. I suppose there was a reason behind the instincts. Thanks.

How are you doing?

22/m
all I do is either work or nothing and i aint got nobody nowhere to care. I make it a habit to not bother others and I try to keep to myself. In the past i've given everybody else my problems and bullshit and learned that its not their problems its mine. Also relationships are memes and they've all gone the same way. I'm not boring, I'm not that nice. I'm genuine yet love being sarcastic. I tell the truth yet am untrustworthy. I'm a cook yet hate eating. I'm skinny as a shadow and loud as a raindrop.

notice me~

>>24403355
h-ha ha I guess i'm in this thread alone too. Story of my life I guess. Story of my life.

>>24403351
I am currently quite tired. Generally on Saturday I also feel a bit lonely, but it's not exactly lonely. It's more of a pressure to 'adjust' my life, or attempt to communicate, bond or interact with others. Most of the time there are good things happening, but they are shadowed by a huge majority of worse things happening.
I got used to answer that it goes "Normally" or "Normal". I am unsure of what could really detach this situation from continuing, or if one successful bonding, successful for more than a brief time, would this time work. As I wrote many times before, I am unsure about a relationship lately, also for problems like those you and another anon around here faced. It's not easy to bond for me, and even worse when I'm the only one doing it genuinely and earnestly.

>>24403355
How many of the things you do and are outcomes of your decisions are done to appeal to others before you?

>>24373628
I feel the same way. Im actually considered popular and lovable at my college but I can't help but feel so alone despite everyone around me praising me.

If the people who like me actually kew about my pain, my fears, my trauma and the fact that I drink, cry and self harm behind closed doors, they'd write me off as crazy and drop me in a second.

>>24403464
>How many of the things you do
>and are outcomes of your decisions
>are done to appeal to others before me

Umm, what? Please explain

>>24403505
I ended up growing more and more realizing that everyone is a human being hiding 'secrets'. The person you meet and talk to and see decently dressed could be hours later naked in its house, fucked or wishing for someone to die. Someone else could be behaving charitably and so in one occasion and then spend the nights drinking and lashing out and hurting others. There are many things that are actually traumatizing: your fears, your trauma and your problems are not worse than those.
But I would say that you should treat yourself better, friend. Not to not let others escape, but to be good to you. I'm sure things will go well in the future for you.

>>24403512
probably wrote it in the worst way possible, the sleep is real.
I meant to say that you seem to care much about others seeing the real you, and that your actions might be driven toward fulfilling that rather than directing them to your own happiness.

>>24403527
I care that others see me, not what i can pretend to be. I guess? I don't know man I just say like it is because it be like it is.

>>24378528
>harder when you're over 25 and should have a sure idea of where you're heading but don't.

>being me
>mexican blue collar
>26 yo next month
>all my friends are dead
>Last time I smiled was like tow months ago, a little girl gave a smile,
>don't had any interest in making new friends in last six years
>all alone, since 4 years ago
How much do you think I'm fucked? Seriously, I need a reference to try to change or give up at all and an hero

>>24403799
you can safely try to change. You will smile more, and make others smile with you.

There's nothing i want more than to make someone happy.
I tried my hardest, but it feels like i'm incapable of doing that.
It feels like it comes naturally to other people. I've read dozen of books, studied for a hundred hours, i still can't make sense of it. I get called a robot a lot.
The future looks bleak, i'm growing weaker, my acquaintances are leaving me for more interesting people.
There's no purpose to life if i can't share my affection, time and happiness with someone else.
I had periods of optimism, where i believed i could become a worthwhile person to someone, i'm growing weak and discouraged now.
I haven't told any of my friends how i feel suicidal. The last of them are growing more distant and soon it won't matter what happens to me.

>>24405267
I think it's important that you try to make yourself happy first. If your acquaintances are leaving it's their own problems, you can find other people that will stay later on. Feeling weak happens and you can't stop it, but you can realized taht you feel like that because you want to improve yourself, and sticking on doing it, sometimes successful, sometimes not, but keep trying like you are. Because it always matters what happens to you, if not for the people you drive your attention to, to those that you haven't met yet and could.

I'm considering whether to try and reach out to some people or not today. Might post something here as well. I hope you guys can have a nice rest of day.

Bumping the thread while I consider still what to do for the night.

>>24405722
>>24406266
Good luck with whatever you choose to do tonight anon, and whatever it is I hope it's a positive effect on your life.

>>24406354
Thank you for your kind words dear anon.

>>24401293
can I ask what the nature of your disability is. I have mild CP and that's not code for cheese pizza couple that with depression anxiety and I'm trying very hard to convince myself I don't have arthritis

>>24407001
One important thing I learned from disabilities and injuries is that you need to think that you are more sane than you are (healthy related, not just mentally) and imagine you being healthy, training and so on. Mind is powerful with these things.

Bumping for the day, hope it will be a good one for you guys

another lonely anon here.

I've started growing fond of being alone actually. I have PTSD among many other problems. I spend a lot of time doing research and designing tech. Sometimes it seems like a coping mechanism, when I'm doing math or building circuits/schematics I'm more focused on that than my social status.

Really all that shit is stupid anyway. Friends are fickle and relationships all end the same. My coworkers are out drinking and doing lines to cope with life. I just dab and design shit. I may be crazy and alone but I think I stopped ruining my life, or giving other people the chance to at least.

While my peers focus on partying and rubbing their genitals against others, I'll just mope here and maybe make something cool to show for it.

I'm married. I know a lot of people believe that once you find that soul mate that's it, you're not lonely anymore. But that's not true.

My husband has a lot of friends and is very popular. I have two friends who lead their own lives and we talk maybe once a month. At work it's hard for me to connect with people. I met my husband on 4chan and while he's very loving, I can't expect him to fulfill every social needs due to my antisocial behavior.

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>everyone tells me i'm charismatic, good looking and funny
>i'm still a kv

how do i stop hating how i sound and caring worrying what people think of me?

>>24408510
Whenever I realize that I'm falling more and more into apathy and accepting being alone, I try to seek out other people. As you can imagine, it gives a lot of troubles and disappointments. But sometimes there is hope in there. And it so happened when I kept away hobbies like going out and drinking (they just made me feel void, especially with the wrong people) and instead decided to go walk, photograph, hike, swim, and other things. You can also feel less alone there, from time to time. You don't need to revolve your life about thinking of your peers.

>>24409177
I would say that it's better to have few friends but good ones. Try meeting some people here or in other circles near you, at your wrokplace, or if you don't work, going around, seeking new activities, and so on. It's important to find people that will open their minds to you, not just temporarily convey sense of reliability because of you both dealing with each other like in a workplace or with a colleague/acquaintance. I'm sure you can find many good people, and few other decent friends.

>>24409517
I have the same problem sadly (minus kv, I need to google what is it again because I'm bad with acronyms), and I feel ashamed, ugly, unworthy, unattractive, and I'll leave you to use Thesaurus for the rest.
My advice to you, that is also the advice I should follow, is to continue living by listening to what others say, not what your mind is. Because you might not perceive reality as it is.

>>24410172

Yep, I'm not a kv, but I often wonder if I would be able to kiss properly again after so long has passed since the last one.

I feel every word of that.
Even when I hang out with friends daily, even when I was married, hell, even around my child I feel as though I am alone, like I am the only person who will ever truly listen to or understand me.

I stopped looking for a true connection years ago though. It just felt like so much work to interact when I am always the one making the call to hang out or starting the chat.

Maybe everyone is just pretending to like me. Or I don't make a significant enough impression for them to think of me.

So I hang out irl on occassion, have fleeting connections with 4chan, and bury any pain under booze, drugs, and pornography.

Sometimes I write. But sometimes I think how can I write a story that people can connect with when I don't know how people connect.

I dunno. Just try to do what makes you happy, fuck everyone else. Once you're truly happy and having a perfectly good life the perfect person for you will find you and fuck it all up.

>>24411029
One of the direst problems I have is that I don't know what makes me happy. But it's nice to hear you write as well anon. I wouldn't bury pain in booze, drugs and pornography, but what I try to do to cheer up is as destructive as those means probably.
I would say you should go into places, or search online, where you can find someone that is interested in being genuine, not just being in a relationship.

Going to sleep and bumping the thread. I'd be happy to hear from the anons of the past days (and from the new ones too) how things are going after posting here. For the moment I'll wish you all a nice rest of day.

>confession time?
I don't really know if this is a confession or I just wanna share for once coz I know that's one thing I lack but here we go. I've always been distant to people around me, from friends(close ones that ive had for years) and new once and i ant seem to make any friends atm because of my tendency to back away whenever I feel like I'm sharing a part of me too much. I've been the type who always had some walls around me even tho I do talk to people. Dont get me wrong, I'm not very introvert, I can be out in public and talk and chat to people but they have to be really interesting otherwise I'll loose focus and get bored(felt that a lot whenever I meet some new people). But when I do meet people that I do like and enjoy the company I cant help but put up walls. Sometimes I'll just lie about myself to not share too much or just tell half lies. I don't know for sure why I do this. I know im protecting myself partly coz people lied to Me a lot before but i just get this lobely feeling sometime coz i cant find anyone trustworthy enough to share myself with. Well right now I'm trying to change, I try to share a bit more than I do to people and be more open but I don't know, not sure if I'll ever get to the point of that sense of security to talk and share all of me to someone. So that's why I'm lonely. And yes this is also a part of me trying to get over that issue of sharing something deep.

I've always found myself with friends who leave. they only stay because i have a car and can drive them places and i end up third wheeling. guys i meet call me a freak but i'm always willing to try a friendship. I'm open to texting daily and i work the night shift so i'm up all night doing nothing. I can generally keep a conversation going, so if theres anyone in the 904 area, hmu maybe we can hang out and see if theres a click.

>>24412583
thank you for sharing this anon, and thank you for trying. Continue in fighting it and become actually open, make the walls go away and do not create new ones, let other people see the way you are, you're alright already so.

>>24412914
You need to stop being open to favouritism with assholes unless they pay you anon. Why do they call you a freak? Do you think do something in particular that makes them talk so?

>>24414488
I'm forcing myself to stay among people lately. More than feeling alone, which still happens shortly after, I'm still feeling more unaccepting of myself lately.

It looks like lots of the stories already posted here described my situation pretty well. Basically, I can't click with anyone. I don't know if the problem is me or if it's this new city I'm currently living in, which is WAY different from the city in which I was raised. Either way, I don't have any real friends and I'm afraid that it's starting to affect my academic performance. Maybe when I finally get out of here, things will change. But until then.... *sigh*

>>24415825
How different are they anon? How was your previous city?

>>24416578
Bump from the bottom. The days are going fast and all the attempts to improve them are not going well. One can only continue trying. I hope you guys will have a nicer day than mine.

Still considering whether to open a new thread or first get in contact with you guys and others here. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to decide with a bit of rest.

>>24416578
I wish that wasn't such a hard question to answer. Articulating the differences between two societies is not easy.
There’s not a lot I can say for certain, but I guess I can tell you what I've observed. In my old city, I saw people connect all the time. I mean, truly connect. They would often talk with each other for hours with nary a moment of awkward silence. In fact, it wasn't uncommon for conversations to get to the point where it wasn't just fun for the folks talking, it was even fun just to listen to them, with the banter eventually escalating to the point where it resembled the humorous dialogue of a well-written sitcom. The banter I hear in this new city is so weak that I feel like I'm in a preschool, listening to three-year-olds who are still learning how to verbally express themselves. Awkward pauses are common among people conversing, even to the point where folks have to break the silence with the dumbest topics, like how there's snow on the mountains nearby, but no snow down in the valley. Does that sound like two people connecting? No, it doesn’t.
This basically sums up my experience here. If the other person doesn't have anything to say despite the fact that we have lots in common, then there isn't a lot I can do before I'm forced to start thinking up excuses for why I suddenly have to leave.
What is the cause of these differences? One can only speculate. I suspect that it has something to do with this society's strong image of what the ideal human is, encouraging people to conform to its rules instead allowing them to explore themselves. How can a person be himself if he's never given the chance to discover who he really is? In my old city, we were encouraged to develop our own identities, and in doing so, we were able to relate to each other in ways that helped us form some incredibly strong friendships. We understood each other. In this new city, no one understands me, and I feel like I don't understand anyone else.
Why do you ask?

>>24403527
some of us are real, at least.
some of us would be naked OUTSIDE the house if allowed.

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So growing up my 'rents were abusive. Me mum grew up without a father and my grandmother did her goddamn best for her after being an abused woman. My father grew up traditionalist as fuck with 3 brothers and a super stable home. Mums home was not. Mums dad left when she was 2 and she chased him ever since, he never cared. Dad had both 'rents till more recently. Mum resented her mother for whatever reason. Dad used mum for a kid born out of apathy and the wrong reasons (me). They both had their issues with each other and they both used grandma (mums mum) for the answers. When she figured out they are both full of it she stopped helping them. After this time I came around and all she wanted was to be part of my life but she wasn't allowed to. After 14 years of not seeing her (22 now) I finally went to go see her.


She is the most amazing, understanding, strongest person I have ever met in my entire life. There are no real words to describe the beauty she has to give to this world. She agrees with me on almost everything and has come to the same questions and conclusions in life as I have. She has the same tastes and the same politics. She is the most amazing and emotional artist you will ever meet/see anything. I love her, I truly do. I met her in a time when I thought hiding from love, friend, people the world was the right way to go. She has opened my eyes in so many ways I cannot begin to describe it. I thought I was truly alone but love comes when you are least expecting it. Pic related. Its abstract art, there's no definition to it take it as you will.

21/m/USA
Lonely
Kim is Tylerthrowaway
Down to talk about anything

>>24419322
Because I am having the same problem in this new city as well.

>>24419625
That's wonderful anon.

>>24420245
Any idea why you're having so much trouble in this new city?

>>24421388
People don't have the priority to socialize properly or find proper people to talk to, or even talk properly in the first place. They just stick to conventional things, like in my previous one, with the difference that here is a mixture of very kind behaviours and very cold, kinda feeling like betrayal behaviour. It is quite similar to Japan in that sense with more directness and similar work hours, but in Japan is slightly worse.

>>24419625
hey anon, i know the painting is abstract but for me it looks like two penguins, and older one and a younger one swimming is the ocean at the break of dawn. Its a beautiful painting

op's a dude right? i'd read their tracts and musings if they had a vagina. but effort if not

lostboyfromla
or
anonymousjordonleon

i swear he'll have phone sex with you and he doesn't even charge just ask for his number

>>24421494
it's wonderful that you said that, anon. Penguins generally mate for life, and I'm sure their friendship would also last as long.

>>24421504
I wonder if you're his friend.

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I feel like I make more effort with people than they do with me. I feel like I'm someone people only hang out and talk with when there's nobody else around for them.
I have some irrational fear of being abandoned by people. This doesn't make me clingy, although every bone in me wants to be, especially with my girlfriend. I go from bottling up my anxieties of people suddenly disappearing from my life, to letting it all gush out when it becomes unbearable. I don't mind not having a lot of friends. I know the ones I have are gunna stick around. I just feel like I don't connect with people the same way everyone else does. I constantly crave the attention of people but I never act upon it because I hate that kind of mentality. I'm a NEET also. I have little interest for that outside world, this naturally makes me feel disconnected. I find it really difficult to trust people, always assuming that they have another agenda I'm unaware of and aren't telling the truth. For example my girlfriend just now told me she's out with her friend and the first thing that comes to my head is 'Is she really?' I hate thinking like that, but I feel I become obsessed with these thoughts.
I dunno where all this was going I just wanted to get it off my chest.

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>>24373628
Getting older and more bitter as years go on. Seems there isn't a night I'm not drunk to nurse the loneliness. Not even trying to sound like an emo cunt. I'm pretty much on my own and have accepted I'm just a sidenote in people's lives. I'll probably end up committing suicide when I'm out of the military and isolated away from society.

>>24421569
I often feel like that, but I think what really bothers you is the fact that you become clingy knowing you are a NEET and feel disconnected from the outside world. You should try to overcome this, especially if you have a girlfriend. I imagine she is distant from where you are?

>>24421625
You're in military, I'm proud of you, but you need to stop the drinking. Rather, start considering what to do after military life and get to learn something that you really like doing.

Time for another day, then the weekend. You guys take care with the hurricane and all that.

I hate who I am. I am turning 28. Got out of the Army at 24 and Ive been trying to get on my feet since. I am repeatedly sucking at college. I feel like I am genuinely fucking retarded. I have next to no focus. Everyone else seems to pick up on shit so much quicker. How the fuck am I struggling so hard in community college? I got out to help my family, spent most of my savings putting the downpayment on their house. Bought my youngest brother a car, practically gave my car to my other brother. I am 28 with nothing to show for my life. I am tired of living but I dont want to die. My life is shit and I hate everything about myself.

>>24424235
You have a wonderful heart and you say you have nothing to show? You need to be proud of the fact that you are capable of helping others, but what you should be careful about is not forgetting to first and foremost help yourself. That is the exact same problem that I have. And I've heard it in 3-4 languages now, don't get where I am anon. You can turn everything around in a very little time. Focus on seeing what complicates your life and amend it.

Bumping the thread while my hopes for something special tomorrow grow.

Hopes that died about 1 hour ago since the plan has changed with another plan, but not everything is lost. It would make me happy to read from other posters here in the thread again.

Oh hey, this thread's still up. I'm >>24375319, but it's been several days since I even opened this thread so my ID may have changed.

>>24421569
I feel like I totally understand this post. I rarely ever trust people because they're pretty blatant with their true agendas and usually they go against whatever agenda they claim to have. It's hard to make meaningful connections with people when you can't trust them as far as you can throw them. It's good that you manage to hold a relationship though, you shouldn't let that slip. I find it hard to find a serious relationship because I just plain don't trust most girls I get involved with. Usually that's proven a good thing because they end up dicking me over but now I just assume that's what'll happen and don't even give people a chance any more.

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I just found this thread, and am not sure that I can fit with its theme, but I have the same sort of feeling with women only. I have friends who are very close, some of them are women, I've bonded with them in a very strong way, but I haven't felt anything regarding romantic love towards a woman in near 5 years. I go out, have fun, have one night stands every couple week/have some FWB type of things, but I haven't been able to bond with a woman on a romantic level since I was 23.
It feels very lonely because I really want to share my love and affections with a woman, but I just can't seem to find one that doesn't annoy/bore me after hanging out for a while. I don't want the perfect woman, but it's very hard for me to find a woman who has thoughts in her head and doesn't just obsess over her phone. It's quite disheartening.

>>24412583
Yeah dude, thanks for sharing.
I think it's perfectly fine not to share all of you with others.

>>24426258
Try finding her in various places, all kind of people can have something different and nice.

>>24427969
It's mostly troublesome when others, more than listening, are judging.


Also good morning everyone.