Depression thread. Post stories, contact info, or anything else

For me personally the reason I am depressed is because I have never had any IRL friends and never had a gf, online or IRL. I'm a neet, fat, unattractive, and have a tiny penis but have no motivation to do anything to change because I have a spoiled and entitled upbringing. My only goal in life is to not have a family or get a good job or to travel the world it is to simply get a gf. However most women aren't turned on by self-loathing, zero confidence, and submissiveness in every aspect of life.

i have no reason for my depression. im just ment6ally fucked. i have had hard times in my life that many people are amazed i came out so well from, but even without those id still be the way i am today. its frustrating as hell because everyday i just want to not exist. to drink or smoke away my consciousness so i can finally get some damn peace. i push everything and everyone away from me and what i do keep is only held there by the immense web of lies i tell myself and others. the facade ive come up with seems to be very good at getting me what i want. the only enjoyment i get out of life is using people and making them as miserable as i left them. ive brought 4 girls to the brink of killing themselves because i caused them to love me with all of their heart and then just left. and 3 of those would still come running back to me at a moments notice. the only person in this world who sees through all this, my one true friend, wont even talk to me anymore because im just too sad. im too sad to be around. so i just sho0ve these feelings down deeper and deeper so i can truly believe this lie ive made for myself. but shoving them down deeper only makes them come back harder each time. and thats that.

24f
Chronic mod. to severe depression (current treatment: wellbutrin and paxil) and derealization
Aside from work and masturbating, i basically do nothing all day. Very antisocial at the moment. It sucks.

>>24238959
wanna talk? personally i find it easier to talk to and not fuck with people who share this shit.

should we make a group chat or some shit? might be easier than this. my depression leaves me liable to post in here once, feel shitty about myself and then not come back

kik chat?

suits me. maybe i can get some advice on what pills i should try next there

ok so my phones being wack about making it so if somebody could whip one up that would be appreciated.

gimme your kik and I'll start one up

>>24238998
>>24239000
Kik sucks. I would join a skype chat or a discord though.

>>24238978
I have kik but I never post my username on here

>>24239033
I don't have either of those, sorry dude. I have line?

>>24239034
If you want to add any of us then mine is aylalalu

>>24239033
skype is good too. i can start one of those if you guys want

https://join.skype.com/v0hJghq3iyjm

>>24239051
Going to join in a bit.

>>24238959
Kik me then. Dont have to post

>>24239066
Acargan13

Forgot to put it.

I conquered my chronic depression.

I get bouts from time to time but I'm a lot more stable now and actually truly happy.

>>24239076
congrats!

>>24239063
looking forward to it. and anyone else who decides to join.

>>24239076
:3 aw im happy for you. any recommendations besides medication?

Harambed
25 yo M who works a dead end job, bordering on alcoholic, and lonely.

>>24239122
It's my kik btw

>>24239120
I sought help from 3 different therapists, i think having my feelings and experiences validated really helped me get over some of the trauma i experienced. I was on antidepressants for a short while but was not satisfied with them and got off after maybe 6 months.
And honestly, meditation has been the biggest factor. I began meditating once in a while and then took it up as a serious practice, starting daily with just five or ten minutes. I listened to guided ones and ones that used positive affirmations. It was really uncomfortable, awkward, and just plain difficult at first. But i think i began to internalize some of the ideas, like being good enough, being me is okay, my feelings are valid, my experiences dont define me but do help shape my outlook, im in control of myself, i am good, etc.
Pema chodron has written some really amazing books that helped me deal with sadness and suffering.
Good luck anon, its not an easy road but I think its possible to feel better

>no talent
>no special skill
>mediocre in everything
>Nothing I do is good
>can't do anything right

>>24239392
>learned helplessness

File: 1469248802000.png (6KB, 493x402px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 493x402px

>>24239401
Congrats on finishing psych 101. Also, I'm still trying so thanks for jumping to conclusions.

I was raped over the summer, and even though I got a kit done and talked with the police, I haven't told my parents. It's killing me, but I'm terrified of what they'll think or say because they told me not to go out and I did anyway. I'm a stupid 18 year old, I know.

Anyway, I've been having nightmares every single evening, and have started getting these "flashback"-esque things that send me into a near panic if something reminds me of either of the guys. It's fucking with me hard.

I'd like to press charges, but I just don't know how to face the boys again, or my parents.

>>24239413
It's not at all you're fault. This is solely the fault of your rapist.

I just want to encourage you to remember that there is no "right" way to cope. The common narrative is that talking about your problems is always a good thing to do, but this is overly simplistic, especially in cases of trauma. If you do want to talk about it, you absolutely should. If you don't, you shouldn't. You don't have to listen to anyone who tells you they know what's best for you. And by the way, wanting to talk about it doesn't mean it wasn't traumatizing. Some people have this idea that if something is really traumatizing, you won't be able to talk about it. This is pseudo-scientific bullshit used to silence rape victims. It's not true, at all. People react to trauma differently. Some people cope by telling as many people as possible. Some people cope by trying not to think about it (and this doesn't necessarily mean they're in denial or "pushing their issues down"). People cope in almost every way you can imagine, and none of it means that their trauma isn't real.
There is no "correct" reaction to trauma. Some people go numb. Some people freak out. Some people don't really grasp what happened to them for literally years. Some people are fine after a week. We have a very narrow view of how people are supposed to respond to trauma, and this narrative leaves out a huge swath of trauma victims. If you find yourself reacting differently than you might expect, it doesn't mean your trauma wasn't real or that it's any more tolerable than anyone else's trauma.

>>24239413
I obviously know nothing about you or your parents, but I would hope they'd care more about your well-being now than having "been right" or you that you got yourself into a situation where that happened. I mean, I'd hope your own parents aren't going to victim blame you...


As for my own deal. Super shy and anxious, soul crushing loneliness, depressed because of the loneliness. Kind of a mess, just want someone to love and make me feel like I matter. Someone to cuddle with, be close to.

>>24239413
If youre in college go to your universities counseling department, most offer free ciunseling that will help. There are other non-uni organizations that can support you. So many people have been in your position and aee willing to help. Its a terrifying thing to face, but if you feel pressong charges is the right thing to do then do it. In 5 years the trauma will be greatly reduced and hopefully he'll have a criminal record. Id suggest looking for support groups and people you can talk to irl.
Why would your parents not help?

>>24239413
Were you drugged? Are the flash backs ones you're getting from time of lost memories?
This happened to me once. I couldn't press charges because there was no way they could find the person. I don't think I would though.. idk I feel that it would have just stayed with me more if I made it into more than it already was. I just hated men for quite a while. It gets better though.

You're the only one who knows if you should tell your parents. I wouldnt tell mine, they are the tough love type and it would have just upset me more. But just because they told you not to go out doesn't mean they won't be there to support you now.

Know it gets better. The shit feelings fade eventually. The memories do too. And one day hopefully look back and see how it made you stronger. That's what I do now. I was around your age and I'm 7 years older now. And in the future don't let it define you but don't hide it if you don't want. I tell guys I'm dating eventually but I'm not looking for pity, I just want them to see how I've grown from my past and maybe to be a little bit sensitive about mentioning rape etc..

18f

Dealt with depression since I was 12. Recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and have had severe anxiety since childhood. I've been on lots of different types and doses of medication and nothing makes me feel better. I take quetiapine which helps with the psychosis but that's about it. I have no reason to be depressed I don't think. I have lovely friends, a boyfriend, I do well at school, have a sweet dog, my parents can afford to buy me most things that I want, I should have everything anyone could want. I'm grateful for everything I have but I can't shake this deep pain that always seems to be in my stomach. I guess mental illness doesn't discriminate. My mind is trying to tell me to do dangerous activities and these impulses are the hardest to control. While on a break with my boyfriend I felt the need to be wanted and loved so I sexted with and sent nudes to my ex and I regret it so much but I couldn't stop myself. I also am desperate for any kind of drugs sometimes, despite being straight edge. Such a weird and scary experience and I feel like I'm going to collapse any day now.

>>24239493
I second all of this

>>24239497
>bpd
>str8edge

Good luck, please stay off drugs.

Anon Here male 26 aussie no job, failed five year relationship. Found out about her infidelity and lieing afterwards. Feeling like walls closing in, started cutting / carving words into my self (arms legs chest u name.it) and wasn't a.cutter before. Feel I.have three voices my head at all times now (a depressive voice, an angry ragging.one and finally a psychotic voice locked in a mental cage) I hardly sleep, lost all trust. Recently started drinking. Just life fucked up in general and no clue how to fix it or where to even start

>>24239497
I kind of get your brain telling you to do dangerous stuff. Mine has always done that.

I guess what I did was I controlled the real bad ones. I don't drive my car off of bridges when I'm on them even though I really want to. Or lie down in the middle of a road.. but I will send nudes for attention. Or cut myself, but please dear god don't start that.. or drugs.

Both cutting and drugs have only made it worse. Waking up after being high (not weed) the day before makes you feel terrible because now youre not high. Cutting you wake up and feel a bit better but then regret the shit out of the marks you now have to hide and the scars that will stick around forever.

Try and find something that soothes you when you feel like that. I will go sit in my shower and let the warm/hot water just run over my head. Relaxes me. Or I go for a walk. I believe you need something to get your mind in a different direction when you feel like that.

Most people with anxiety/depression feel like they're going to collapse a lot. But once you see how life keeps going and going and going.. well for me that feeling kind of went away. I know Ill still wake up for work tomorrow.

Give it time. I was bad at your age. Now Im a good chunk older and I've been able to manage my mental illness much better.

>>24239531
i find that routine is the best thing for me. doesn't work for everyone, but if you can find yourself something to do regularly like a job, school etc then it might help keep you occupied so you don't focus on wanting to drink or feeling bad

>>24239499
Thanks. I appreciate you saying that. Ive spent a lot of time thinking and healing.

>>24239540
I did cut myself when I was younger but eventually stopped, luckily before it got too bad. Tbh I think I did it more for attention than anything at the time. These days I've ended up pulling out my own hair, eyelashes, eyebrows etc and I burn myself sometimes. It helps a bit but not worth it in the end.

It's good to hear you talk realistically about it, that you manage it, not that you're magically cured or 100% okay. All I want is to be able to manage my emotions and be able to trust and understand people in my life.

Keep going and good luck.

>>24239497
thats the shitty truth. depression doesnt discriminate and neither does any other mental illness. its a bitch but the best we can all do is look for the help we need. after a long personal experience of hiding these things away and self medicating with drugs and alcohol i can tell you thats no way to go about it. i recently got realeased from a mental hospital because i couldnt take any of this anymore and if i hadnt i wouldve killed myself. had it planned and everything. but you gotta find that one spark that keeps you going. wanna know mine? my cat. fucking weird right? everyone says you should do it for those who love you most, your parents, your friends and family. but i did it because my cat came up to me after i broke down crying after 4 years of not doing that. he put his paw on my face and just looked at me like he knew. and it just goes to show that anything can be that spark that keeps you going. it helps to keep it close. after all this im much more open. i spill my guts to anyone and everyone because it feels like getting 7 years of shit of my chest every single time. talking to people whove been through it helps. i personally like talking to people and sharing my coping skills because all my life ive done nothing but screw people over. i got off on hurting people and i sought after that little piece of joy as often as i could. but it feels better to see or hear about someone making the same progress ive made, or even more than i have. im not telling you this is all what you should do but keeping it all inside and asking why instead of addressing the problem isnt going to help. just turns you into a piece of trash like i was. get help where you can and that you feel is right. youll only hurt yourself and those you love if you dont. and for you or anyone else that needs a chat my kik is satanicallydubious and my skype is Caldwell Caldwell. i hate seeing people go through this shit alone. so i wanna be to you the person that i wish i had.

>>24239542
Yer but it's fucken. Hard man. I just feel so alone and out of control. Worse thing is I am still stuck living with her and keep finding more and more out even when I asked her for the whole truth ect
I am going insane atm and just have been randomly crying and tearing up and I not an emotional person but I am feeling that fucked up I can't control my own body's actions. She really has fucked me up good huh. Worse thing is since it was a five year relation ship it's not like I don't love her in some way which is making this harder then it needs to be but I can't completely cut ties or my heart otherwise I am afraid I what I might do or could be capable of. Hardly any one understands what I am been going through with friends and can't talk to my family about this shit. I feel so alone and inadequate about my self. And feel I will never be able to trust the way I once did
Her or some one new. I will always play things close to my chest from now on and hide my own feelings and it kills me but I feel of I don't then I will just continue to get hurt spiraling me down a very dark road that I don't want to be on any more

>>24239599
gettin real tired of this overused pic.

>be me
>high intelligence stat but basically no personality
>solid 4/10 on a good day
>no real talents, get so bored with things so quickly, have a hard time maintaining interests or hobbies
>have friends but they forget I'm there half the time when I'm with them

And to top all of it off I've been single for 2 and a half years. Met a girl who I've fallen hard for, haven't felt this way about a woman since I met my first and only girlfriend 7-8 years ago. Me and this new girl talk sometimes, trade jokes and music Recs, but I know she's not interested in a relationship with me and it stings bad because of how crazy I am about her. Also feel kind of guilty for feeling this way about her.

I take medication that I'm told is for anxiety and depression. I hit a wall today. I've never felt zombie or dulled or anything like that but tO'Day I felt like I did before. I love life but the shadows reach for me. Kik is GeoH3ad, I'd love to talk to someone. Even just a normal convo

>you will never amount to anything
>there is nothing special about you
>nothing would change if you died
>you would be replaced by something better

>>24239700
Exactly my thoughts, except if I died things would change, people would be better off overall. I'm thinking it's about time I died anyway, I never wanted to exist in the first place

>>24239737
i wanna point out that theres always gonna be someone you make life better for. no matter who you are.

>>24239556
Thank you. I wish you luck and all the good health in the world too!

Like I said.. just give it time. Things start to get a bit better even if it's in a fucked up way. I'm always incredibly sad when young people end their lives because growing up gives you a lot of perspective you could never have had before!

>>24239034
Add me If you want: newtype10101

>>24239755
>implying there isn't someone that could make their life better
>implying I couldn't do better but I can't because fuck me

I've been alone for a long ass time, around 8 years now. No friends, Never had a Girlfriend. Family is just me in freeloader NEET/shut-in mode and my Mom. Sometimes I have these bouts where I get super down, they last for a few days, a week at most. (Today is one of those) Nothing in particular triggers it but its definitely loneliness. The loneliness sometimes turns to bitterness towards others, especially females, who obviously have an easier time not being alone.

It passes though and I'm back to fapping, video games, anime, twitch, and not caring about a GF or friends.

Fortunately this doesnt happen too often but when it does its pretty damn bad. Its crushing. Also no need to offer to be my friend or anything. I am not friendship material. I'm very boring and shy. I just wanted to type this because ehh. I guess it makes me feel a little better to get it out.

>>24239757
you can always do better. you gotta want it. i didnt want to kill myself in the end so i put myself in a psyche ward. i didnt want to continue to ruin my life so i got off my ass and changed things that were obviously wrong about myself. its hard and it sucks because you feel like theres no hope but i promise you there is.

>>24239755
I guess so, but at the same time no one would be seriously effected if I was gone either. My mom might be upset for a little while but she'd get past it. Plus if I was going to kill myself I'd probably disappear and leave a note saying I went out west to find myself, and then I'd just go somewhere I'd never be found.

>>24239765
There is someone who could make my life better but she's never want to be with me, and overall I'd probably just drag her down anyway, so it's better I guess.

I've suffered with depression since I was 17, I've very recently turned a corner (26 now). The hardest bit for me was the realisation that to keep myself going at a steady pace I'd have to put so much work into myself, exercise, sleeping right etc.

That and the most banal things people say to you are the best advice. Depression is hard work and it robs yourself of yourself, I wish you all the motivation and the strength to drag yourself out of hell as unfortunately you really are on your own.

>>24239892
But whos watching netflix?

I'm a transmasculine person and I should be excited about going to dorm at college soon, but between dysphoria and the fear that no one will ever refer to me by my name and pronouns, not to mention my family is fucked up and will excommunicate me from the family if I come out. On top of that I struggle with relationships because I was in a relationship which nearly caused me to commit suicide and I fear that I'll always be too scared to start another one. I've also stopped being able to connect with people on a platonic level because I don't want to get destroyed all over again.

Also I had a friend tell me i'll "have less of a chance of getting a boyfriend if I cut off my tits". I feel like an awful piece of shit who's going to disappoint everyone around me by transitioning.

>>24239926

The world relies on you to look after yourself, do you think you'll be happier with you yourself once you've transitioned, in those moments you can't sleep at night, what form of yourself will make you happiest internally?

Your first focus is to happy in yourself, that's the point you build from.

>>24239377
Meditation helps

Become self sufficient

I guess I should post and explain how I feel.

I started at my current company in one of the lowest positions, and eventually worked my way up to my title where I am today. I was about a month ago, doing some other things for the company and ended up not showing as much attention to my work for a specific project. That project was taken away, and given to someone who was recently promoted. They say he is doing a good job, and I don't doubt it. The thing that sucks is, I am now in a position where I am not really needed on a daily basis anymore. I used to be the go to go, the one who trained everyone else, who explained how things work and what was the next step in the project etc. Now I am just another engineer at this company, and it honestly makes me sad. After all the work I put in, the training of other departments in two other countries, they pretty much throw me aside and give everything I worked on to someone else. I thought no one, really cared

But I actually talked to a coworker at another department who wanted to see how I was doing etc.. and I found that touching and genuinely nice, while the other team I worked with for the last year, don't give two shits what I achieved, who I trained, and what I did for this client/company. It's almost as if in corporate America none of it matters.


I'm now at the point, where I don't think the center of my life should be my work. I need to settle down at one point, and move on with my life. I am seriously, a workaholic

>>24239051
reminder of the group made if anyone needs it.

Well, right now I'm laying in bed on the verge of tears because of how badly I handle social situations, and how one of the only people who talks to me probably won't do that anymore because of how stupid and awkward I acted. It feels like the world is crumbling around me, how fucking stupid do I have to be?

>>24240925
I know the feeling all too well, i'd be more than happy to try to help you work out your problems if you wanted.

>>24240925
as hard as real life gets and no matter who you might lose, there's always people on here who will talk to you and support you dude

>>24240954
It's not like it was even anything too huge, I was just stonewalling her every time she tried to be nice to me for no reason other than I was nervous and felt awkward. I think she even said goodbye to me when I left but I couldn't tell because of this stupid barking dog, so I just said "Jesus" because of the dog and walked away. For fuck's sake I'm just so fucking stupid.

>>24241999
I know that and I really appreciate people's support. It's not the same as talking to her, but at least someone gives enough of a shit to make an effort to talk to me.

>>24242636
Seriously just breathe deep and relaxm clear your mind. There is nothing you can do now. Be kind to yourself anon.
Social anxiety and feeling awkward is something most people have experienced, even your friend.
Theres always tomorrow. It will be okay

>>24238938
M8, what's your kik?

I think about killing myself everyday. Fucked personal history hasnt helped. Im depressed because the only way ill ever actually be useful is as miraclegrow. But i just cant figure out a good way to do it.

>>24242987
Theres nothing i want more in life then to make other people happy but ive proven that theyll just forget about me. But as these friends fall away its a smaller impact my death will occur

>>24243010
Im seeking help, meds are just be hurled at me have a pending appointment with a psychologist where i might get fixed. But meh. I will kill myself one just gotta get the plan right

>26 years old
>not married
>no gf
>still a virgin
>antisocial to the point where I kinda forgot how it is to have a normal conversation without metaphorically falling flat on my face
>no friends
>family doesn't really involve me in much
>work 7 days a week to pay off bills to my house so pretty much no time with family. All I do pretty much is work
>whenever I'm home I'm locked in my room with my laptop being my social life.

It's honestly getting to the point where I'm conditioned to think. That I was put on this earth to just work. When it comes to gun with the family, no one even looks at me but when it comes to work I'm number one priority. I have no one to talk to about my problems. It feels like I'm a balloon that keeps getting filled with air and is about to explode. I have no time to go out due to work and whenever I am off, I can't really even go out cuz you need to drive to get anywhere (did I mention that I don't have a car?) I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. All I really want is a friend or a companion to make this more bareable.

>>24242805
Well I had a rough day coping at work but I feel at least a little bit better now. I know she's felt that way before but still, I think she was trying to get close to me, some of it through other people, and I utterly cold shouldered her, I didn't even say good bye to her because I couldn't tell if she said it and I'm an awkward fuck and I didn't want to say it if she didn't first. She hasn't talked to me since, I think she thinks that I don't like her or I'm mad or something. I guess it's okay though, like I said before I don't benefit her at all, maybe things will be better for her this way

To those depressed: Things may look rough now, but don't give up. Trust me, things tend to get better.

22/m
just been a life time of shitty experiences, shitty choices, self destruction and general shitty luck.

Now im an alcoholic cook who is lonely and angry all the time. Maybe I smoke too many ciggs, drink too much booze to be really happy. Small things do it for me though. Who wants to talk about nothing?

>>24238740

>girlfriend doesnt say "I love you" anymore
>99% sure she's going to neglect me until I make the call and be the bad guy
>finances are low
>in debt
>failed at college for the second time bc I'm a fucking moron
>GI Bill depleted
>body too fucked up from first service to last in hard labor long
>discovered long undiagnosed heart problem
>no real marketable skills

Only thing keeping me going is my dad. He's the best guy I know and I couldn't off myself knowing how much he would suffer.

Still, I'm a pretty fucking useless human being.

I helped save some lives in as a medic in Afghanistan. I'll never be that important in my life, ever again.

I'm hurting.

>ex gf who i still madly love hates me for good reason and will never talk to me again, might even hurt hersef and there's nothing i can do about it
>gonna probably see her in 2 days and it will probably be the end of me
>been contemplating suicide for the past few months. Finally got some equipment and will probably do it if things don't get better. Which they probably won't
>20 years old and loosing hearing
>balding
>back problems
>all friends i made last year hate me
>dad might die soon or is showing signs of health deteriorating
>insomniac
>gonna go back to school for no reason and waste a shit ton of money.

>>24245764
At least you're still with her and she doesn't hate you

>>24245764
Why waste time going to college and shit?

Be a paramedic.

>>24239413
>hey told me not to go out and I did anyway

Sure It is the fault of the rapist, but i can't feel any sympathy for you.

I'm so tired. Why can't I sleep forever?

>>24242987
>>24243015
>>24243010
Don't do it man. You will get fixed, and you will make people happy, and most importantly yourself. Many others have despite impossible odds.

>>24245764
Theres a lot of resources for vets, especially depressed vets. Please seek some options. How can you fix the relationship with your girl? Is it worth the effort for you? Good luck

And it makes me sad that no one seems to have taken my tip for practicing meditation seriously. :/ it really saved ny life, I think it can help others too. Ibhave so many resources if anyone is interested in learning more

I'm not depressed, but I'm resentful. I hate that people can turn out to be so shitty and self centered. I hate how people can turn out to be so selfish and I hate how they can neglect people who genuinely care about them and who want to help them.

I wish I had never spoken to more than half of the people I've met through the internet. Almost all of them have turned out to be spineless cowards. I wish people could be open with the shit they're dealing with and I wish they could cope with it without being cunts about it.

>>24247666

Never post crap like that here in the depression thread ever again.

>tfw she's never coming back

>>24239076

How'd you do it? Do you still have periods of self loathing?

I lost 70lbs last year, down to 185lbs with some muscles & got rid of my man tits. Up to 215lbs again... Tits are back...

Feels bad man.

I was so much happier with a better body.

My gf is suffering a lot. She can barely do anything anymore, just laying in bed and crying. She is stuck several states down at the moment and I'm preparing to meet her again soon, she is in so much pain. I am going to bring her up here and take care of her full time basically. Depression has consumed her life but it can't consume our love. She always apologizes to me for being bad or sick but she will always be best girl to me. She is so scared I'll find a reason to leave her. I care for her, I provide her love every waking moment, but she still fears me leaving. How do I show that we are together forever?

This is why I am depressed a little too--she is so scared and sad and I can only do so much.

>>24238740
m/22
Been through 4 years of college, multiple technical diplomas, and several other certifications.
I am effectively bankrupt. After all this school, I still cannot find a job. I have no money. My cellphone is cut off, the bank is hounding me, I have no job prospects, few friends, no girlfriend, my family cannot help, no one who can help me get a job, because everyone I do know is in the same boat. My life is a wreck and I have no way to make it better. On top of that, my situation is causing me so much anxiety that despite being /fit/ I do not think my resting heart rate has dropped below 100 in the past eight months. The first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is how shit my situation is, and it is the last thing i think of before falling asleep. I would just like to go one hour without the thought of suicide popping up. The worst part is that given that my education is all tailored towards a technical environment and almost every job listing requires a both criminal and medical history, if I seek help I can kiss goodbye to my only hopes of getting a job in my field.

Always been in some kind of depression, I had very unforgiving teenage years that seriously stunted my social growth.

26 now. Not a social retard but I loathe going out, I don't like being near people. My last girlfriend completely ripped my heart out. She used me then just threw me to the curb. This wasn't my first relationship, but for some reason the cut from this has hurt me so much I've fallen back into a depression I haven't been in since my teen years. Last month I OD'd on some shit, was a very bad week. Had to actually wait a couple days after the fact to get feeling back in some of my extremities.

I feel like I will never find someone like her again while simultaneously wanting to fucking kill her and myself. If it's not a woman using me, it's my own mother sending me poision pen letters about how I don't help her and that she raised me etc etc


I ran out of steam last month, I'm running on fumes right now. I haven't told anyone what I've done, and I don't plan to; being in a ward for a week doesn't sound fun to me and I've already been there and done that.

>>24251218
Im this fag, i explained a little already: >>24239377

I get into really bad negative moods sometimes but they dont last longer than a day. I used to have lows that lasted weeks, like unable to leave my house unable to feed myself just constant crying and well, depression. All that is pretty much gone, most of my work now is in regulating the negatives and trying to keep a balance. I get manic sometimes too which can lead to a low period after, so i try to manage my highs also. Everything in moderation.

22 years young. I go to jail. Again. Monday. Spontaneous spurts of work, then I manage to find a reason to leave, most of the time I get fired. Battling addiction with benzos, in a phase of recovery. I was prescribed prozac, so I'm trying that for 3 months. Trying to get out of this cycle, everybody I know is graduating from college, buying homes, traveling, finding a career, buying cars. I'm glued to repeat and continue making poor choices. Why can't I feel the weight of all my decisions? It's a shame my best thinking brought me to this point. I know I can turn things around but I need to find the patience and discipline. I need out of this lifestyle.

The dream is free, the hustle is sold seperate.

Friendless shutin. My depression has caused me to have little motivation to pursue my hobbies. I cannot maintain a boyfriend due to refusing to go on cam and apparently that makes me a bad person. I start college in a matter of days and do not know how I will survive, with extreme social anxiety and all. I try to look for friends online and try to be a good and fun friend but I end up getting ignored. If I just had one close online friend for the past three months maybe my summer would have been a little less lonely. Simple tasks like getting out of bed or doing a leisure activity has become a nightmare. I need to get out of here as I cannot stand my loud parents. I had passionate dreams to work toward but will probably end up NEET. If I do not find comfort I may just end it in the next couple years or so.

25. Been depressed to varying degrees for pretty much my entire life. It's something I think I'll always have, but my circumstances definitely impact how severely I have it.The past 6 years have been the roughest, had an especially rough patch this past October to June, I was almost non-functional at that point, but I recovered a bit and am pretty okay now. It's tedious though.

>>24253890

>I start college in a matter of days and do not know how I will survive

Start using the mental health facilities at your college as soon as you can. Seriously, my depression and anxiety fucked my college life, and I lost what could have been some of the best years of my life because I refused to get help. Also start going to clubs/activities and keep going to them, even if no one talks to you at first. That was a major mistake I made, I would go to a club once or twice and give up when I saw everyone else making friends and I was still alone, but I've since learned that sometimes for people like us it just takes a really long time. Like, months. Which sucks and sounds like hell, I know, but it gets easier the more you go, and it does eventually pay off.

I just cut off the only 2 friends I had (both female) because I developed feelings for them and they (or any woman for that matter) would never reciprocate those feelings. I'm not attractive so I get it and I can only really do online dating but I don't know I just feel so lonely without a girlfriend or without a friend in general.

But nobody cares about my problems since I'm male, right? Looks like women are getting all the replies

>19 Female
>Depression, Severe Social Anxiety, SPD, Inattentive ADHD, Ex-Mute
>I have abandonment issues. Everyone I've ever had a deep connection with (whether that be romantically or friendship) has left me. I guess thats where my depression began.
>Ever since realizing that, Ive been through enormous amounts of stress/disappointment. I take care of 2 older siblings with severe schizophrenia. Both refuse to get help, and they are both very delusional to the point of barley being able to recognize their own names. I deal with crying, literal screaming, and most every kind of abuse from them. While looking after them is exhausting, I love them to death and I try my best to help no matter how I can. I put their needs before my own. This whole situation just seems to be spiralling out of control. And while I want to be there for my siblings, I can barely take care of myself anymore. Im at the point where I want to off myself and rest in peace. But I couldn't stand the outcome of leaving them while they need me.
>My siblings may not have left my physically. However, they left me mentally. I was best friends with both of them. We were a trio. We would do everything together. Inside jokes. You name it. Now the best response i get from them is a slap in the face or a fuck you.
>Even though I am thankful I don't have schizophrenia, I still have other mental disabilities that haunt me through my everyday life. And because I have family who are more fucked up than i am, my problems always seem to get pushed aside. "Things could be worse". Yeah, but they could be a hell of a lot better too.

Moderate/severe undiagnosed depression
Have medical issues, no job due to them,but looking, every day is the same, don't get to see friends much,

Kind of shitty upbringing meaning that my parents didn't teach me life skills and now I don't know how to do a lot and am a lazy fuck who is scared of a lot of things like change even though I need it, feel like a nobody cares for me really and the whole world is just shitty. Killing myself crosses my mind frequently but I could never because I love my dogs too much and my brother/friends.