Depression thread. Just tell what are you going through, your

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poppin pills all day having a good time with bipolar depression and anti depressants : - )

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getting drunk and listening to music like every day
attempting to ignore suicidal feelings etc

>>23960254
I hate taking my pills. Those make me feel like not a human. I can't feel anything on pills.

>>23960263
Trying to ignore suicide as well...

I'm sitting here alone hoping something comes along to pull me out of this downward spiral. It's not going great so far.

Been watching the Office for 6 hours today. Anxiety is stopping me from getting a refill on my medication. .-.

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>>23960270
I read it with my voice

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alternative metal, ambient, atmospheric black metal, atmospheric sludge metal, avant-folk, avant-garde metal, black ambient, black metal, blackgaze, dark ambient, dark cabaret, dark electro, dark folk, darkwave, death doom metal, death metal, depressive black metal, djent, doom metal, drone metal, ebm, electro-industrial, electronic, experimental, folk metal, funeral doom metal, futurepop, gothic metal, industrial, industrial hip hop, industrial metal, industrial music, industrial rock, industrial techno, martial industrial, melodic black metal, melodic death metal, neoclassical darkwave, neue deutsche härte, nordic folk music, nu metal, pagan black metal, post-hardcore, post-industrial, progressive metal, rap metal, sludge metal, technical death metal, traditional doom metal, visual kei
>Skype:
la.furra.darketa

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sitting in dark room hoping everything will end soon

Who else here too apathetic both for suicide and trying to improve things? It's this weird limbo state I feel like I've been in for a year.

>>23960541
I'll add you. U seems to have good taste in music

Talked one of my best friends away from self harm today.
Also struggling with my own demons after a week or two of great self improvement progress one offhand comment has sent me into a spiral. Because what if ur was all for nothing.

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Lonely.

Moved to a new area about 2 years ago leaving all my old friends from HS/College behind. Tried to keep in touch but eh, you all probably know how it goes with that kinda thing. Tried making friends at my job but had no success, I mean I chatted to people all the time but I always felt like the guy who people would talk to last, if their friends weren't there if you know what I mean. Even online I've made very little progress, I used to post on /soc/ skype threads all the time but gave up after failing to connect to anyone who I added or added me. I guess I'm just not that interesting a person to talk to, every conversation I have with someone seems to stagnate after a short amount of time, I try and keep it going but I can tell when someone just ain't interested anymore. Tried various other sites like reddit with "meet new people" things going but same story. I joined a discord and thats been ok, they all seem to have their own little groups/cliques going but at least I've had some people to actually interact with, even played coop with someone! Probably just a 1 off but jesus I'm not sure how long it's been since I did that.

I know I'm not entitled to friends but dang I really do try and just end up getting nowhere. Trying to stay positive but lapsing at times, probably am right now to be honest.

Doubt I'm actually depressed, thought I'd just contribute anyway.

>be female, early 20s
>been through some very traumatic shit, never got through therapy because it's too painful to even talk about everything
>find drugs/alcohol.
>use & depend on drugs / alcohol to fill a void that I literally cannot help but to have
>find a guy and fall in love
>guy breaks my heart
>literally debilitated by stress and anxiety of new heartbreak and old wounds
>drinking daily, taking pills and smoking while already on probation
>could be drug/alcohol tested at any point but just trying to hold it all together
>failing miserably at everything. Unable to form bonds with people as friends. Terrified of even trying.
>feeling isolated because I am isolating myself. Drinking more to help
>yep
>how I have yet to actually succeed at killing myself yet I do not know

>>23960563
I know those feels.

I think about how I would go about killing myself a lot. Been that way for almost a decade. Never really find a reason not to do it either, it's just I'm not motivated enough to do it. I guess I realized a long time ago dying is as pointless as living.

So I've continued living an apathetic existence while my relationships with friends and family die a slow, prolonged death. I always feel alone, but maybe when I'm actually alone, I'll work up the resolve to go through with it.

>>23960596
What are your hobbies/interests?

Be completely honest. There's something you do during your spare time, unless you just sit and stare at a wall.

>be me,19/f
>literally have no friends cause social anxiety
>go to university on other side of country to be closer to boyfriend
>New start
>Get put with all foreign roommates who speak to each other in their own language
>start talking to neighbours
>fuck it up by being awkward as fuck
>no friends still
>boyfriend leaving country to work at google
>mfw got 3 more years here alone

I just have a general, all-consuming self hatred and lack of motivation to exist.

honestly these days uefa is the only thing that keeps me out of the bed at mornings and im not even that interested in it. at this point im not even depressed, more like i dont feel anything

>22, male, kissless virgin
>Basically no friends (online or offline)
>Shy/socially awkward
>Try hard to make friends but always get abandoned or used/fucked over because nobody cares about me as much as I do them
>Soul crushing loneliness, don't really care about being a virgin I just want human contact. Dream about cuddling a cute girl and wake up and wish I were dead. Just holding hands sounds nice
>Anxious about everything
>In college but no life plans
>Unlovable mess


Currently hating life because someone I thought was a friend started outright ignoring me and then said it's because I never had anything interesting to say. On top of that, my best friend (who I have feelings for) told me she can't go to Disneyworld with me and my family in October because she's going to be marrying her boyfriend that month, who she's only been with since March. She's the only person I have who I wanted to take who actually wanted to and could go.

>>23960563
I've been there since 2011. I remember two years ago I thought police was cartel (I'm mexifag btw) pointing their guns at me and they would kill me and shred me, and don't even feel fear, "Now this shit will ends... meh" then they let me alive "We're looking for a fucker whose kill a woman, we thought you was, sorry joven" Then I get mad because I have to carry on

>>23960618
>failing miserably at everything. Unable to form bonds with people as friends
>feeling isolated because I am isolating myself.
It's even worst when you just resign to failure and isolation, please, tell me you'll try to escape from there. Idon't wanna see someone else in this hell.

>>23960618
Does your name start with "K"?

My countries being invaded by Muslims
The internet is full of faggots
I have to prepare for a civil war while trying to find happiness in a place as bad as the Weimar republic.

Take your pick lads.

Was depressed but got a job and a car and I'm self sufficient now. I can't bother with this depression shit cause I got bills to pay. Sure I'd like everything to be easy or simple but it's the challenge of life that drives me forward.

>>23961006
depression means you dont give a shit about anything really. im studying, well, because i have to but i dont care about it or anything else

31/m. Trying to convince myself not to give up.

Stuck working two shitty jobs after dropping out of my PhD program 4 years ago. Watching all your peers get better jobs, start careers, go on vacations, just be normal adults makes me feel like an idiot.

Only girl that ever told me she liked me quit talking to me two months ago after 4 years. She raised a bunch of red flags, but I did like her and I feel horribly guilty about being a bit relieved by it and also that I couldn't help her like I wanted. Online thing.

Virgin and no significant relationships at 31. If I ever start dating, I'm terrified of revealing this to my partner. I think by my 30s I'm expected to have some knowledge of what to do in a relationship. I have no idea how to please a woman. I don't know if I could actually sleep in the same bed as someone else.

I'm lonely. I don't see the friends I still have often. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not close with my family. Most of my off time I just spend by myself, indulging in distractions from my loneliness. I'm right on track to become a bitter, middle aged cynic.

I've tried to kill myself before, if I can't improve myself I think it's only a matter of time before I try again. I don't see the point in continuing my existence if I've objectively fucked up enough to become irredeemable. Why is so frowned upon to end your life if you know that you've screwed up?

Girlfriend and I broke up last Monday because she has her mind set on moving away because nothing here makes her happy. I gave this girl everything and it wasn't enough. Love her unconditionally, always had fun together and she gave me something to look forward to each day. But now she's cutting all ties to this place and moving west to start fresh. I don't blame her and won't hold her back from it, but it hurts. There were small signs that I picked up on that she wasn't happy and talked to her about it, but the breakup was so unexpected and I feel empty. Been drinking everyday since.

Well. I've had mdd for 11 years.. ya I'm kind of old. And a girl of that makes any difference.

I just can't care anymore. I don't care about living. I don't care about making myself better. I do things that I hope will kill me faster but in a very not obvious way.

But I have a really good job and I still work my ass off as a night student so everyone thinks I'm fine.

My doctor did change my meds today. Cipralex to cymbalta to go with my wellbutrin.

Idk I just wish it would fuck off. I wish I could care.

I felt my story would be interesting but it's not. One of my most recent scars went all keloid on me and looks like shit. So that sucks too.

Idk if you want to talk to me and ask questions I have a lot of experience and may be able to shed some light. Or if you feel you can help me. Reply and I'll info you!

>>23961014
Maybe you don't care because you don't find it challenging.

>>23961185
Whats mdd?

>>23961185
How old are you actually? How do you find the willpower to work your job and work your ass off as a student and all that? Are you that person nobody would suspect is basically in pieces? Scars from cutting? What's missing that would make you okay?

Depressed because I'm lonely and can't even talk about it without women being like " he's just whining because he can't have sex. "
I just want a cute gf.
Women just expect so much from a guy,
Pick ip artists make money by teaching guys to talk to girls, wtf is wrong with the world that this is what it came to?
You have to day the right thing and the right time like its a game.
Why can't I just bee myself?

I just hate society and want to get drunk, I'm going to die a virgin, never experience cuddling while watching game of thrones or the walking dead,
I'll never go on a date or hold hands in.public with a girl
I want to hold her hand
Ugh I fuckkng hate it all

>>23961233
Stop being a faggot no one cares. This is the truth about living as a man. No one gives a fuck and no one ever will, what PUAs teach beta males is "No one gives a fuck, women are all cunts, swing enough times and you will hit one".

Find a better job, buy some nicer clothes, start hitting on every woman you find attractive until one agrees to a date. Other wise STFU whining because you're not the only one living in a shitty world where no one gives a fuck. You have options but you refuse to take them because you refuse to take the hard choice of doing something to fix the problem rather than whining that it exists.

>>23961257
I find it depressing that I need to find a better job and change my clothes. These ate the only things women care about? They're more interested in how much money you make or what clothing you ate wearing, it's fuckkng tragic that it's considered a problem if you aren't making good money to buy her shit or wearing a brand mame not currently in fashion.

>>23961311
Women don't care about men. This is reality, DEAL WITH IT.

I've been where you are, it can't be changed, toughen up buttercup.

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>21/m
>tried to kill myself by slitting my throat 2 years ago
>survived (obviously)
>got on meds, therapy, the whole nine yards
>feel decent now. Not really 'happy', but okay.
>stopped giving a shit about school (my English degree is gonna be useless anyway)
>set aside a few hours a day for online classes and devote the rest to making music
>I have stopped trying to find a gf, I see my one friend once or twice a week.
>don't leave my house other than that unless I'm buying food, booze, or drugs
>keep having writers block and just end up getting high or drunk
>I have a decent voice and some musical ideas but none of the motivation
>mfw there are people years younger than me who are already famous and I haven't done a single gig

I don't really know where I was going with this. I'm kinda drunk, so sorry if it's a little rambling.

I was diagnosed by my GP and a few doctors about 5 years ago with depression. I'm not working or studying and I feel worse and worse about it every day. I have a gf and family for support but my family doesn't know that I'm depressed at all and my gf doesn't know to what extant I am. I also have just one friend but he's not that good of a friend.

Music and just watching a lot of TV shows is all that keeps me going honestly.

I got kicked out of my house, and I don't really care. I'm aware that I should care, that my heart should ache for with a sense of something deep and profound, but I just don't. I'll occasionally cry and forget why I started crying. I'll only get up when my body hurts too much from not eating, or holding a piss in. I just constantly feel heartbroken, and I don't know why. I've never been in a relationship. I just feel like nothing except an ache in my chest that makes it harder to do anything. I want to die, but don't have the energy for it. I've failed a bunch of times, and that just adds to the list of failures I have floating around my head. I'm a fuck up, this much I know. I'm a shitty friend. I'm a shitty person. I'm just shit, and I wish I wasn't. I'm aware of my talents, but I don't give a shit about them. I'm aware I have friends, but I don't want to burden them with my shit. I want to cut, but lack the resources or privacy to do so. I just want to feel something, and focus on something different than fucking this.

Reading this thread made me feel a little better when one realizes that other people are going through the same shit.

Been depressed since high school through university.
Not really sure what is the cause.


>5-HTP supplements

Any of you fuckers tried these yet?
My wonderful government just scheduled these, now i need to convince and pay a doctor to get them again.
Found they would keep my mood from dropping too low.

>>23960693
Which country?

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http://vocaroo.com/i/s1oGBosvIPTo

>>23962491
England

>Be me 24/m
>Do everything i can to drive people and "friends" away from me because all they do is make me feel worse.
>The tiniest thing goes wrong and i will dwell on it for days. Weeks even.
>I believe i have been depressed since i was 8 when i was someone get executed point blank with a shot to the head. Told my parents what happened and they think i am full of shit.
>Go on for 5-6 years before parents think i am actually abusing drugs at the age of 13.... Take me to get some help. The therapist prescribes me something. When taking them i phase out and dont remember anything "auto pilot" if you will
>Finally get a job. Fucking hate it. Everyone talks down to me. Causes shit for me. Just annoys me for shits and giggles.
>Now i refuse to get a job because i am doing 35 hr days and sleep only when i get tired. Sleep is generally disrupted by night terrors and nightmares.
>Now i fill almost my entire day with 100%ing games and stuff just to keep myself busy and not think.
Also side not was mis-diagnosed with terminal cancer at 15 lived with it for 6 years. Told only 10 years to live.
When i was told the truth my reaction was... Oh. Too bad.

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Tranny here.
I'm broke and lonely, and about to be homeless.
I wanna talk to somebody. Maybe someone can help me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg0L5PmqWWo

Can somebody watch this and tell me if you'd pay to see me do weird sexual stuff to myself?
I'm entirely broke, but being a porn-actress is sorta my dream job.

Do any of you folks know how to build a set for that?
I'm damn-near close to eviction.
It makes feel pathetic and worthless.

Is my ass fuckable enough? or should I take a bunch of pills to forget that "I" ever existed.