>take a shot with the professor during office hours

>>9170006
>Professor gives you a handjob during office hours

>professor shows you nudes of his wife on his phone during office hours

>>9170006
>Professor fucks you during office hours

>go to office hours
>professor is eating some horrible smelling food

>>9170006
>> take a shit with professor WHILE writing a paper
True story. Working with someone whi has the Churchill gene is very interesting.

>taking a shit on the professor writing a paper

>>9170043
>take a shit with professor

Kek

>>9170006
>play pubg with the professor during office hours

>>9170043
>be professor
>autistic student comes in
>ohgreat.png
>asks me for help on his paper
>don't really want to deal with it, try to give him some random advice about citations
>full autism mode engages, he basically wants to read every sentence he's written aloud and have me approve or edit it
>fuckthat.jpg
>tell him I need to excuse myself, maybe he should come back later
>he says okay
>I get up to go to the bathroom
>he gets up too, I figure hes leaving
>nope
>follows me to the bathroom
>I get in a stall
>he gets in the stall next to me
>silence
>sound of a megaturd plopping into the toilet
>then, he starts up right where he left off

>>9170050
>>9170063
I meant to say shot. This is what I get for phone posting.

Academia tip: always shit in a bathroom outside of your department to avoid awkward encounters.

>>9170063
That student's name? ALBERT EINSTEIN.

>>9170063
Fuck man why do you have to be a dick with autistic people? They didn't ask to be born like that come on. That's just mean.

>>9170080
Autists should be euthanized. Same with all disabled children the moment it's discovered they're going to be born like that.
There is absolutely no reason in this day and age for Down's Syndrome people to still exist and be a burden on families and society

>>9170084
It gives fb likes and special points though.

>>9170084
With regards to downies, the decision to terminate a pregnancy is harder than you think, especially if it wasn't easy to get pregnant in the first place.

You'll understand some day after you graduate from high school, Herr Professor.

>>9170094
Women shouldn't have any right to decide over their own pregnancies. Men, perhaps a doctor, should have the power to stop a pregnancy at any time. Women are irrational and cannot think properly. You cannot put anything in charge of them.

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>had to suck dicks with my professor after closing hours

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>>9170084
look at this dumb normie scum trying to prevent the singularity

>>9170098
Had to? Fuck, I didn't know getting endorsements on arxiv was that hard.

I kissed my professor on the ear yesterday.
She asked when was my birthday, I told her it was September 4th(true), then she told me to give her a hug. I also went for a kiss on her cheek instinctively but she is smaller than me and tried to lay with her chin on my shoulder so I ended up kissing her ear. She didn't look weirded out or anything. During classes she is always looking at me. Too bad I wasn't wearing any perfume or anything, that would've been a killer.
I don't know how to advance any further. I

>Be undergrad in research group for chemistry at smallish university
>Get invited by the grad students to halloween party
>only undergrad there
>All of my TAs and professors that semester are there
>PI dressed in some leather daddy outfit
>O-chem professor recognizes me, grabs me and makes me do 3 shots with him
>Physics TA pulls me aside later that night to talk about how depressed he is and how he can't get any girls because he's bald
People will say this never happened, but it did.

>>9170110
>Physics TA pulls me aside later that night to talk about how depressed he is and how he can't get any girls because he's bald

Fuck man don't say those things, it gets me depressed. I wanna respect my professors but every time I see them I have a feeling some of them could realistically be virgins and it makes me feel really sad man. I really cannot imagine what would happen if one came out to me and told me. I don't know if I would laugh or cry.

Why don't universities have alpha male seminars to help with this kind of shit? It feels bad to have to pity your professors.

>>9170111
>mfw uni gives out a free GF to everyone with a math major

>>9170113
I know this is bs but to be quite honest this would also fix the problem.

>>9170063
Thanks mein friendo, the laugh was great.

Probably shouldn't be on my phone during lecture, but this stupid bullshit is too funny to pass up, I'm afraid.

>>9170075
What a reddit-tier meme my lad. Maybe you should go back there.

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>>9170006
>eat magic mushrooms with professor and fry in sulfur springs outside of the research station.

>>9170067
in my entire 23 years on earth i have never shit in a public bathroom and i don't intend to start now

>>9170046
German intellectuals, everyone

>>9170110
that sounds comfy and very much relatable
t. mathfag grad student

>>9170006
>watch drunken professor 1 make racist comment
>watch drunken professor 2 get offended
>both come to blows
>no one ever speaks of that again

>>9170101
stop just fucking STOP

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>>9170006
>>9170035
>>9170110
>>9170336

Sounds super comfy, famalam.

Would probably kek super hard if I saw >>9170458 though.

But we all know >>9170042 is the most common.

>>9170110
I went to a grad party as an undergrad, a professor was there who stopped my and lectured for me on ten minutes as to who I should work under at my grad institute and then had me take a shot with him.

>>9170485
let's just say it was super awkward watching them interact at the orientation party this year

>>9170372
I've tried to do that but every so often I get the need to shit immediately. How do you manage that? Do you never go to malls? Do you never go out to eat?

>>9170501
idk i guess i just have good control of my bowels and a bit of luck
i almost exclusively eat out and i spend very little time in my apartment since i'm a phd mathfag and i spend all my time studying and reading shit with my colleagues

>>9170516
You spend little time in your apartment? Do you shit once a day?

>>9170521
mayb like once every two or three days
once a day if i'm regularly eating fibre or something

>>9170526
>mayb like once every two or three days
Shit man you are living in easy mode. I have to shit once a day. Last time I shat in public I was eating steak at a mall and right after finishing I feel a powerful shit inside me and I spend like 20 minutes in the shitter there getting rid of the demons.

>>9170532
i would want to die if i had to live like that
especially since i'm ocd as fuck and i basically have to shower after every shit

>>9170115
>>9170113
Don't worry, as soon as human cloning is allowed we'll be able to raise our loli GF's like God Almighty intended us to do.

>>9170372
Hah. I was like you, my friend. Your time will come, don't worry. The stomach jew forgives nobody.

>>9170067
When I worked in a lab my professor would always forget his tube of Preparation H in the bathroom, one of the Chinese grad students would always leave the bathroom filled with thick clouds of pot smoke, and the toilet overflowed more than once and flowed into the office of the angry Russian professor next door.

Public restrooms in any workplace are always the worst.

>>9170537
>i basically have to shower after every shit
I wonder if this had a psychological effect on you and is the reason why you don't shit too often. Showering is expensive, it takes a lot of energy and is also unhealthy if done more than once a day. Your brain is protecting you by giving you rare shits.

>>9170540
pls no take my shekels but not my stomach ;~;

>>9170553
>unhealthy if done more than once a day.
mate i live in the florida panhandle
if you lived here and only showered once a day you'd be the most disgusting walking pile of sweat and grease and filth and your skin would breakout with pimples and other infections within days

>>9170553
>>9170570
either way i just plan my shits around my showers so it works out
i just like knowing for a fact that there's no fecal matter on my exterior

>>9170458
>tfw i want to be the racist professor
goddamn i can't wait to be an old mathfaggot who can do whatever he wants even though i probably won't

>>9170101
that's nothing
i secretly want to marry my phd advisor
she's a qt korean and she does complex variables all day long and acts like a literal anime character i can't handle it

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>>9170544
>one of the Chinese grad students would always leave the bathroom filled with thick clouds of pot smoke

GOD DAMN IT JIAN YANG

>>9170573
>i just like knowing for a fact that there's no fecal matter on my exterior

There's shit on EVERYTHING man
Your hands currently have someone else's fecal matter on them

>>9170593
mate if my ocd was rational i wouldn't be showering after every time i shit
don't start telling me shit like this or i'll fucking freak out i swear to god

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>>9170598
Kek, at least you know its irrational. I would tell you to seek a psychologist experienced in behavioral therapy, but that OCD-ness might actually be helping you with your PhD. But it will probably be better for your mental health to try to address the issue, instead of avoiding shitting in public spaces. You know, patterns in human anxiety have been found between cortisol levels and relieving themselves...

>>9170084
>Being this neurotypical
Must suck not to be part of the next step of human evolution, huh?

>>9170101
>I told her it was September 4th(true), then she told me to give her a hug.
>I don't know how to advance any further. I
Just ask her if she wants to come over write a paper sometimes

>>9170621
so far it's just sort of worked and i never really get the urge to shit when i'm out and about unless i'm sick or something
if it ever becomes an issue i may address it but i'll let it be for now

>>9170006
>professor does a Biergarten lecture once every semester
>instead of a normal lecture he goes to the Biergarten with everyone, he also takes his whole department
>just drinking there
>he also shows exam questions there
I still failed one of his exams because the answers I wrote were apparently not quite the ones he wanted

>>9170584
Yeah, you are way deeper into it. I started noticing her because she would always look at me. Then a friend of mine got the hang of it started teasing me about it because he saw her giving me some chocolate because I won some challenge on the first class(which he missed).
>>9170638
You don't get it. I've know her for not even a year. She is probably 12 years older than me. She is my calculus teacher, I'm currently having calculus 2 with her. But I know she has some interest in me. I got in a very small class with her now for calculus 2, less than 15 people. I think we can use this to have some small talk during the break. I hope so.
Also, she mentioned that she is single in a very subtle way today. She said something about when she had a boyfriend when talking to the class(and me).

>>9170689
Shit, with today I mean yesterday.

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>>9170584
>she acts like a literal anime character I can't handle it
>The very STATE of the intellectual in 2017

>>9170588
Since when do asians smoke weed?

>>9170689
>she gives you chocolate
kawaii as heck my dude

>>9170697
i just got done with a terrible breakup and i'm not going back to dealing with shitty stereotypically modern-western women
i just want to pay my advisor's head and then do qt maths with her is that so bad?

>>9170705
>pay
pat** holy shit time to get off quatrechanelle

>>9170700
are you kidding me, lad?

>>9170705
go back to Asia wingchung

>>9170712
i'm cuban tho y u gotta b like that

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>>9170697
>implying von Neumann wouldn't have wanted to marry a perfect 2D cutie

>Professor thinks you're crazy and always keeps one hand below the desk holding a gun while you're visiting him.

>you think the professor is crazy and always keep one hand below your notebook holding a gun while you're visiting him.

>Professor answers your questions during office hours like a normal person

>>9170794
>Professor answers your questions during office hours like a normal person, but you don't understand it.

>>9170722
>cuban using his limited internet access for /sci/.

Man wtf are you doing.

>>9170814
i'm living in florida mate
how the fuck am i supposed to do a math phd in that communist hell on earth?
much less find a qt korean advisor

>>9170794
>like a normal person
the average IQ where you live must be astronomical

>>9170766
>>9170786
>you're jealous of your friend who has a mexican standoff with his professor every day during office hours but you're too shy to say anything

>>9170817
Fuck man you should have become an olympic swimmer instead of a PhD

>Extremely distinguished professor in his field (literally mentioned on the wikipedia page for the subject)
>Sits in a cafe outside of math building working most of the day
>Spends half his time looking at passing girl's butts
>One time I saw him, brow furrowed, scribbling furiously on his legal pad, go peek over his shoulder to see what kind of revelation he's having
>He's drawing cartoon flames on the paper

>>9170826
came here legally on a Visa i actually suck at swimming tbf
oly weightlifting is more my thing

>>9170832
Wtf how did Cuba allow you to get a visa and move? I am calling bullshit on that "legally" thing. Explain yourself cuba boy.

>>9170283
Fuck you it was funny.

>>9170837
apparently back in the day they had an agreement with the US gov't where cuba held a lottery every year and the winners received visas and flights to the mainland

here's a news article from the year i was born talking about it:
>http://www.nytimes.com/1994/10/13/world/visa-lottery-for-cubans.html?mcubz=1

i immigrated in september of '95 and became a citizen a few years later. it's p nice since so many people die trying to float a raft from cuba to the florida keys and also i get to be happy i'm not a disgusting illegal

>>9170829
>Spends half his time looking at passing girl's butts
Who doesn't do that?

>>9170850
Ah ok. That's nice for you buddy but you shouldn't shame illegal immigrants. I mean, you understand their plight. Why would you insult them?

>>9170837
>>9170850
here's a doc from the US gov't also talking about it
>http://photos.state.gov/libraries/havana/885/pdf-english/cuba_lottery.pdf

my dad was a surgeon back in cuba so i bet they were pretty pissed that we got to leave. honestly i don't even like to think what my life would be like if i my family hadn't been as lucky as we were

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>>9170006
>take a shot at the professor during office hours

>>9170859
because i have enough respect for this country to understand that violating its laws is a disgusting thing to do and is something i would never dare to do of my own volition
i understand the desire to want to live a better life in a better country, but such things should always be done legally and in accordance with the will and desires of the country you're trying to move to

i can understand the situation moreso for countries like cuba or north korea (hypothetically) where there is a totalitarian dictatorship restricting peoples' liberties such that they couldn't leave the country even if they were accepted at their intended destination, but the reality is that the only country that fits that bill and to which the US is the most easy place to flee is cuba, and the US and cuba do apparently even then have legal ways for cubans to emigrate (though the real solution is to abolish the dictatorship tbf)
but people from e.g. Mexico have no fucking excuse and they disgust me with their brash and wanton disrespect for such a great country as this

>>9170859
>>9170870
btw, before Obama repealed wet-foot dry-foot during the last months of his presidency to spite Trump, it was actually still technically legal for cubans to raft their way to the US from cuba

seriously though i don't understand why the white house doesn't just slap its dick onto the Castro manor; this isn't the cold war anymore who the fuck is going to do anything about it

>>9170870
Fuck man, calm down. You won a fucking lottery. I think that if you hadn't won that lottery you would be one of those "disgusting" illegals. Don't be such an asshole.

And sure in a legal sense, illegals are "wrong" but at least stick up for your own kind. We are all hispanics trying to thrive. I am not mexican or cuban and nor am I an illegal but I can understand the mentality of illegals. The least you can do is not insult them, man. You know how shit is out there. It really pains me to see a fellow hispanic trashing his own kind.

I need you need a quick reminder. Can you go visit /pol/ for like 30 minutes? Go mension you are hispanic, get told "God damn Pedro go back to your country" and "All shitkins should just die" a couple of times and then maybe you'll remember that WHITE PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US. So at least stand up for your own kind.

>>9170883
>thinking it's okay to violate the law
>thinking illegals are "my own kind"
>thinking i give a shit what white people, brown people, black people, or you think about me, my heritage, or my motivations
what the fuck are you on about faggot
are you some sort of social "sciences" marxist? because the amount of ideology you're spewing is making me sick

>>9170883
>>9170897
it seems to me like you should take your marxist collectivist bullshit to a collectivist country so you can stick up for your "own kind" over there you fucking racist
god bless the liberty this country affords me to live as an individual. you've clearly never experienced the hell of communism.

>>9170897
>>thinking it's okay to violate the law
It is not okay to violate the law, but this is a special case in which you should stick up for your fellow hispanic because if white people had their way they would even send you back to Cuba, despite being a legal citizen. Again, go take a look at /pol/. They don't even like legal immigrants. They think the US should be 100% white.

>>thinking illegals are "my own kind"
I meant hispanics are your kind. And you don't have to defend them but at least do not condemn them like you have been.

>>thinking i give a shit what white people, brown people, black people, or you think about me, my heritage, or my motivations

You should because again, if white people had their way...

>are you some sort of social "sciences" marxist? because the amount of ideology you're spewing is making me sick

No, I'm a math undergrad. I am here legally because I am a student and I also want to go for a PhD. I thought you were cool, but you are really mean. And no, I do not subscribe to any ideology. I am just saying that we should protect each other because if white people got their way you and I would be sent the fuck back, despite being here through legal means. They hate us.

>>9170901
I do not support communism. Obviously free market capitalism with a rigorous set of anti-trust laws and a sprinkle of socialist programs is the best economic system

>struggle with concept
>think today is the day you finally go to a professor's office hours
>line of students waiting outside office
>get anxiety, turn around and leave

this is why I was a straight C student in college.

>>9170910
>sprinkle of socialist programs
nah

>>9170907
>i dont subscribe to any ideology
>despite the fact that i'm an ideologue
okay. you're going to get far in life with that level of self-reflection mate

i suggest taking a break from being a raging close-minded racist and considering things from other view-points some time

>>9170924
You oppose medicare? Jesus fuck do you hate your dad?

>>9170928
Standing up for myself is not an ideology. But oh well. Call me when the neo-nazis win and you are sent back to Cuba against your will.

>>9170929
medicare funded from my taxes? yeah i do
my dad is very industrious and concerned with his health. he's 64 and in better shape than most people in their 20s in this country. plus his conscientiousness has left him pretty well-off financially. i'm not worried about him a bit. and if for some reason he did require assistance, that's what i'm there for

>>9170931
>Call me when the neo-nazis win and you are sent back to Cuba against your will.
yeah sure i'll be sure to call you when i travel back in time to the 30s and move to Germany
you be sure to call me when your persecution complex bears any fruit

>>9170932
What about retired people who aren't so lucky? Do we just throw them in the trash?

>>9170934
>you be sure to call me when your persecution complex bears any fruit
You are blowing things out of proportion. If I had a persecution complex then I'd be telling you to go outside to protest and I'd also be protesting myself.

I don't think we are being persecuted, but I do believe that there is a group in the US who hates us (just go to /pol/ to meet them) and the best we can do to protect ourselves in the case they win more elections is sticking up for each other. You know. Don't insult other hispanics at least.

>>9170935
>lucky
hard work and a good diet sure is lucky wew
why should i be penalized for their lack of forethought and discipline?

>>9170938
>le Drumpf and the republicans hate non-whites
you sure seem well-informed and well-adjusted
fyi cubans in the US are amongst the most conservative and right-wing demographic in the US

>>9170939
I don't know man. Imagine that your dad started having rough medical problems with procedures that would cost him all the money he has saved (some surgeries will surely take hundreds of thousands of dollars from him) and then also imagine that you already died and can't help him.

In that case, do we throw your dad into the trash?

>>9170942
that's why we have health insurance
which should be non-public and subject to free and open market competition
i just had surgery earlier this eyar in fact, and so did my mom and dad a couple of years ago

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>professor is really funny in class
>is boring as shit everywhere else

>>9170941
>>le Drumpf and the republicans hate non-whites

That's not what I said. Everyone knows that /pol/ is not typical republican or conservative and neither is Trump. They are their own thing. If you think /pol/ is republican then I think it's time for you to go back to >>>/r/eddit

>>9170938
I thought Hispanics hated being called Hispanics because it reminds them that they were colonized by the Spanish.

>>9170953
>but I do believe that there is a group in the US who hates us (just go to /pol/ to meet them) and the best we can do to protect ourselves in the case they win more elections
hmmm really sendin my noggin fora joggin there boy

>>9170956
Maybe SJWs do have a problem with that so that is their justification to use retarded words like latinx but not me. Hispanic is just a word and all I have been saying is that it pains me to see a hispanic shitting on other hispanics.

>>9170959
>all hispanics are illegal
>shitting on illegals is an afront to hispanics
nice racism there love it proud of you

>>9170958
>hmmm really sendin my noggin fora joggin there boy
But /pol/ did win an election. Trump is the /pol/ candidate. Everyone and their mom knows that Trump is not republican in terms of ideology.

I mean, /pol/ even makes memes about how they won the election. So again, just go to their board. MEET THEM. You'll see what I mean.

>>9170961
Most illegals are hispanic, that is just a fact of life. And fellow hispanics should at least be empathetic to those people.

>>9170963
>le pol is a hivemind meme
i think you're the one who needs to meet them

>>9170966
>be empathetic to a criminal just because of their race
uh???

>>9170967
/pol/ is just two coins of unlimited autism. Classic /pol/ and lefty-/pol/. Both sides are literally retarded and beyond autistic. I think we ought to fear both sides, but the classic /pol/ is more dangerous in case they get mainstream.

I mean, I have said it many times. GO TO THEIR BOARD. They hate all hispanics. Some days ago I was reading one of their discussions about DACA and an american poster literally said that even legal immigrants should just be forced to work in labor camps and be given no medical assistance or benefits of any kind until they die.

THAT IS WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU AND ME.

>>9170968
No, you are simplifying.
Now I realize that instead of talking to Cuba boy, at least 5 /pol/ apologists have jumped here to do some damage control.

Anyways, what I said was:
>be empathetic to a criminal because of their race because in the case white people get their way and start attacking us then at least we will have numbers to vote for pro-hispanic politicians who may be able to protect us

And obviously that is extreme so I am open for the other solution: get rid of racists in america. No racists = nothing for me to fear = no reason for me to defend illegals.

Pick your poison /pol/. I defend illegals out of fear of you, or you racists get the fuck out.

>>9170969
the fact that you haven't spent any reasonable amount of time ob pol could not be more blaringly obvious
further, the fact that pol elected trump has no bearing on trump's actual policies, which i clearly realize you are not familiar with

you need to go outside more. or stay in more. do one of those two more

>>9170973
this has all been me, buddy
take a break and go smoke a fag, you're not thinking clearly
though i guess that's just your brain on ideology

>get rid of racists in america
the totalitarianism of the leftist always peeks through
go move to a country that doesn't believe in liberty and leave me alone

>>9170032
>>9170035
>>9170043
>>9170063
>>9170101
This is a good thread

>>9170979
I really don't want to keep repeating myself. The only point I will keep repeating is: go to /pol/. They probably still have discussions about DACA or threads about how much they hate "beaners" that you can go join and see with your own eyes how much they care about you. You think being a legal immigrant means you won't be their target? If you a non-white sounding last name and slightly dark skin then you are their enemy and they will do all they can to destroy you.

You can be aware of them and resist them, or you can ignore they exist. Red pill or blue pill Cuba boy, what will it be?

>>9170987
you're going to keep repeating yourself because you haven't actually spent any reasonable time on pol and you're locked into your ideological echo-chamber
i've been on fourfaggots since 2007 and have browsed pol since the Trayvon Martin incident
you really need to get your head checked because there's no way you'll make it through grad school with critical thinking skills and close-mindedness like that

>>9170948
>health insurance or welfare
>when you could have mutual aid
>preferring people who dont do anything related to medicine to make money off of your well being over tax funded welfare
>you have to be wealthy to parctipate in the market
>"free market"
wew lad

>>9170987
>>9170991
>then you are their enemy and they will do all they can to destroy you.
i love that you still think you don't have a persecution complex

>>9170992
care to phrase your argument in something resembling the Queen's english? because that was absolutely incoherent

>>9170991
That will be a blue pill then. Good luck Cuba boy. I'll leave you alone now. You have made your decisions and there seems to be nothing I can do to help you. But if you are going to remember this exchange then at least remember one thing: I warned you. And you can't ever say I didn't warn you.

Cuba boy, you were a real human bean... and a real hero. Maybe we will be lucky and /pol/ will never win so it will ultimately be unnecessary to resist them. I pray for that every day, and I hope you do to. (Real human bean... and a real hero).

I loved hearing from you Cuba boy (Real human bean... and a real hero). You know, we aren't so different. We are both into math. We may both end working as professors of mathematics. We are one side of the same coin, Cuba boy (real human bean, and a real hero).

So I will never forget that you were a real human bean, and a real hero.

>>9170994
i dont want to argue with you after reading your conversation with anon. I refuse to let a teenager who knows very little about economics and social organization outside of neoclassical and to a lesser extent dem"soc" propaganda to give me a headache.

>>9170997
>still not taking my advice
i'm glad i live a happier and more well-adjusted life than you do
stay mad and passive aggressive; you'll make great strides i'm sure of it

>>9171000
checked; all your post was good for

>>9170638
>wanna come over for differential topology and chill

>>9171002
I don't know about you man, but I live in peace. But I am not ignorant. I know there are people who are working against my peace and every now and then I must step out of my peace to defend it and maybe help bring others to peace.

That's what I tried to do here. But it's hard. I am not perfect. Maybe a better man would have been able to convince you. I may not be taking your "advice" but I will keep your words in my mind. Maybe one day the memory of you, Cuba boy, will have an effect on a decision of mine. We have both influenced each other through this discussion and we can't erase that. We now share something. A part of us is the same and all I know is that you are a real human bean, and a real hero

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTOz9026U0s

>>9170709
Would "paying for head" really be that bad?

>>9171006
It's a bit sad really. Women are really dumb so if you can't even trick one into sucking your dick for free then that shows you are even dumber than them.

>it's a "every female student wants to fuck the professor" class
why I only take classes from ugly people desu

This thread is fucking trash.

File: 1499721881159.jpg (37KB, 489x451px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 489x451px

>>9170006
>go deer hunting with supervisor
>accidentally shoot him
>I'm now first author on the publication we're working on

>>9170063
The chad evacuation vs the virgin appointment