Jokes

>>7869765
What did the bartender tell to the neutron?

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>>7869765

>>7869765
If I wanted a joke I'd ask for your GPA

what ?

>>7869765
Yesterday I went to the library and asked for the one book about Pawlows dog and Schrödingers cat. The librarian told me that it did ring a bell but he didnt know for sure if it was there.

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>>7869765
>Doing physics or chemistry instead of math

That's the joke.

>>7870192
love it!

>>7869765
I don't know the origin of this one, but our linear algebra lecturer told it at the end of his last lecture in first year. Origins would be appreciated.

A group of mathematicians and physicists were invited to a conference in Geneva so decided to take the train there. The all of the physicists went and lined up and bought tickets in a very organised fashion. However, only one mathematician bought a ticket. This confused the physicists greatly. They all went ahead and boarded the train, and as the ticket inspector was coming around, all of the mathematicians all gathered and hid in a single toilet. The ticket inspector, who knew what was going on, knocked on the door of the toilet. The mathematicians slid the ticket under the door and that was that. On the way back, the physicists, willing to execute their newly learned trick, went and sent one person to buy a single ticket. This time however, the mathematicians didn't buy any tickets, and the physicists were still confused. Once again, the ticket inspector started coming around again, and this time, both groups into the toilets, mathematicians in one toilet and physicists in another. Once they were all in, one of the mathematicians knocked on the door of the toilet and the physicists slid a ticket underneath the door.

2 atoms walk down the street
the one says
>I think I lost an electron
>r u sure?
>I'm positive

>>7869772
what?

>>7870297
for you, no charge.

>>7870339
i don't get it :/

>>7869765
>"money is the root of all problems"
never heard it like that. it's the root of all evil. way to pussify the joke, whatever fucking idiot drew that up

>>7870350
You're right, thus:
Woman=Evil

>>7870365
except it doesnt really work at all, since the first equation would read women=time+money instead of time*money

>>7870339
XD

>>7869765
The Bible actually says it is the root of many kinds of evil

>>7870350
>For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. (1 Timothy 6:10)
You don't know the quote yourself, bucko.

What's purple and commutes?
What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?

>>7870297
nothing
>>7870339
fuck you asshome>>7870647

>>7870593
Sqrt(money) = +/- evil

>>7870616
>The love of money
Care to revise your equation

>>7870661
XD

>>7870339
i kekked so loud i woke up my roommate

>>7870779
XD

an engineer and a mathematician walk into a brothel. they don't have any money so the owner strikes a deal with them. Every minute they can close the gap between them and the girl standing on the other side of the room by half the distance. The mathematician leaves in a fury claiming he'll never get there and the engineer stays.
the owner asks him,
>why don't you follow your friend?
and the engineer replies
>eventually I'll be close enough for all practical purposes

>>7869765
A mathematician, physicist and chemist are stuck on deserted island. A can of food washes ashore on day.

The chemist suggests letting the can soak in salt water as the salt crystals that grow will break the can open. They try soaking it in water but it doesn't work.

The physicist suggests throwing at a coconut tree to open it. They try it but it doesn't work.

The mathematician looks at the can and then back at his friends. He then says that he has the prefect solution: suppose we had a can opener.

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>>7869772
>>7870339

>>7870192
ahahahaha

>>7869772
Is it "For you, no charge?"

>>7870475
no they said time and money
women = time * money
time = money
women = money*money
>x *x = x
women = money

>>7870826
kek'd hard

and orders a drink

A tachyon walks into a bar

>>7870848
Nice but not great

>>7872902
Not particularly funny, but I find it remarkable someone would make a comic about this topic.

Baby, you must be Lagrange since you've got me maximized along a boundary

>>7872908
>>7872907
this is not that funny but it is well done at least

>>7869788
1.0
fite me

>>7870293
kys

this one's really hard to get:

what do you call your girlfriend?
a neutron

what do you call her after you break up?
a proton


g-get it... beta decay? (•o•)

>>7873209
keys

>>7869765
i have one apple and another apple. I have one apple + one apple = two apples
>to find a woman you need time and money. woman = time x money
wut

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician goes on a hunting trip.
They chance upon a deer. The physicist takes a shot and misses the deer by 10 cm to the left. The chemist takes another shot and misses the deer 10cm to the left. The statistician then shouts "WE SHOT HIM WE SHOT HIM"

>>7873833
*10cm to the right

a piece of bacon and a sausage are frying in a frying pan.
the sausage turns to the bacon and says "man its hot in here". the bacon says "Holy crap a talking sausage!"

>>7869765
A farmer had a problem. He got some horses and wanted to build a fence around them in the best way. He called his local university and they sent him a mathematician, a physicists, and an engineer. Physicist built a circle. Mathematician built a triangle around himself, and said I declarde the outside of the triangle to be the inside of the fence.
[Spoiler]the engineer was too busy sucking the horses cock[/spoiler]

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the gay bar and suck some cock."

>>7873833
how did you fuck that up, you had one job.

>>7873852
nice caps jackass

>>7870196
Your social life is the biggest joke, anon.

>>7873923
>what social life
>kekekekekekek

ITT: Highschool faggots.