Got any life stories?

>>5750635
three minutes

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>>5750635
Im a demon and everyone hates me...

Born on a mountain, raised in a cave
fucking and trucking is all i crave

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>>5750635
one time at school i saw a couplel of bullies trying 2 shove some1 into a trash can...

i walk'd over and said "hey lay off him!"

and then they walk'd away and dat boy was so gratful... he said "thank u so much" as i hurry'd 2 my next class... standing up 4 others is nice

I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

yeag

I am confusion!

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>>5750655
nice dubs

>>5750658
Do you have any idea how hard I laughed?

i was born ass-first

Your fortune: Bad Luck

But even at a very young age, Samantha had a mean streak. When she was about 20 months old, living with foster parents in Texas, she clashed with a boy in day care. The caretaker soothed them both; problem solved. Later that day Samantha, who was already potty trained, walked over to where the boy was playing, pulled down her pants, and peed on him. ``She knew exactly what she was doing,'' Jen says. ``There was an ability to wait until an opportune moment to exact her revenge on someone.''

When Samantha got a little older, she would pinch, trip, or push her siblings and smile if they cried. She would break into her sister’s piggy bank and rip up all the bills. Once, when Samantha was 5, Jen scolded her for being mean to one of her siblings. Samantha walked upstairs to her parents’ bathroom and washed her mother’s contact lenses down the drain. ``Her behavior wasn’t impulsive,'' Jen says. ``It was very thoughtful, premeditated.''

One bitter December day in 2011, Jen was driving the children along a winding road near their home. Samantha had just turned 6. Suddenly Jen heard screaming from the back seat, and when she looked in the mirror, she saw Samantha with her hands around the throat of her 2-year-old sister, who was trapped in her car seat. Jen separated them, and once they were home, she pulled Samantha aside.

``What were you doing?,'' Jen asked.

``I was trying to choke her,'' Samantha said.

``You realize that would have killed her? She would not have been able to breathe. She would have died.''

``I know.''

``What about the rest of us?''

``I want to kill all of you.''

>>5750931
I think I watched a documentary on this once.

i rubbed my willy and it made a milk

Once upon a time, Not long ago, Where people wore pajamas and lived life slow, Where laws where stern and justice stood, And people were behavin' like they ought to - good, There lived a little boy who was misslead By another little boy, And this is what he said: "Me and you tike, we're gonna make some cash", "Robbin' old folks and makin' the dash", They did the job, Money came with ease, But one couldn't stop! It's like he had a disease, He robbed another and another, And a sister and a brother, Tried to rob a man who was a D.T. undercover, The cop grabed his arm, He started actin' eratic, He said: "Keep still boy, no need for static", Punched him in his belly and gave him a slap, But little did he know, The little boy was strapped, The kid pulled outta gun, He said: "Why'd you hit me?" The barrell was set straight for the cop's kidney, The cop got scared, The kid, he starts to figure: "I'll do years if I pull this trigger", So he cold dashed, And ran around the block, Cop radios in to another ladie cop, He ran by a tree, There he saw the sister, Shot for the head, He shot back but he missed her, Looked 'round good, And from excpectations, He decided he'd head for the subway stations, But, (what) She was comming and he made a left, He was running top speed, Till he was out of breath, Knocked and old man down, And swore he killed him, (sorry) Then he made his move to an abandonded building, Ran up the stairs up to the top floor, Opened up a door, There guess who he saw? (who) Dave! The dope fiend shootin' dope, Who don't know the meaning of water nor soap, He said: "I need bullets, hurry up, run!", The dope fiend rolled back a spankin' shot gun! He went outside but there were cops all over, THen he dipped into a car; A stolen nova, Raced up the block doin' 83, Crashed into a tree, Near the university Escaped alive although the car was battered Rat-a-tat tatted

>>5750635
Telling my life story here is pointless, ehy would anyone care.
But to asnwer your question, my life is fucking insane.

yes let me share a multi part story op

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i've personally found two of my friends dead from heroin overdose. never touched it myself because fuck needles lol

>>5751862
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, my pelvis still slamming wildly out of control into the overlarge cardboard simulacrum of a BBW woman that I had constructed over the weekend. "It's like I'm on fuckin' cloud nine over here!" I yelled for the fourth time in the last five minutes. This time it elicited a banging from the wall I was adjacent to, shortly followed by a shout: "Shut the fuck up David it's two in the morning!". I replied with a laugh and a "Fuck you, sis'!" while continuing to slam my rock hard 3.5 incher into the cardboard construction that I has festooned with random articles of clothing stolen from my sister's room. It turns out that the easiest to steal without her noticing were shirts, and so I had a disproportionate amount of shirts on the sexual muse that I had created. Ten shirts and nothing else, in fact, as everything else that I had stolen had been cruelly stolen back from me before I could affix it to my creation, which would have made it legally my property. At first I was saddened by this, but I remembered that someone had once told me that the key to fashion is layering. "Mistakes into miracles!" I shouted at the top of my lungs as I continued rocking my lady's cardboard life as hard as I could, clearly indicating through the noise that no one should come a-knockin'.
But come a-knockin', she did. I heard loud thunderous footsteps down the hallway followed by three meaty slaps against my door. "David, what the hell are you doing!?". It was my mother; I could tell by the thick and slurred manner of speech. "Don't come in mom, you wouldnt understand!" I yelled, consumed by fear, but with a tinge of excitement that I didnt understand. "David, you stop whatever you're doing right now so help me god" she quaked back at me. I didn't know what to do, caught between the ecstasy of my creation and the possible embarrassment and shame of my mother seeing me in this state. However a thought occurred Would you really be so ashamed to be caught by mom?

>>5751871
I was blindsided by this notion, and I let out an audible "What?", to which my mother, replied "The hell do you mean what!? I said stop this shit!". I considered telling her that I wasn't talking to her, but I figured that would only confuse matters, and matters were already pretty damn confused, though I didn't let that hurt my rhythm.
Unfortunately, my mind wandered back to the disturbing thought I had had, and I was too busy convincing myself of its falsity to hear my mother counting down from five, resulting in my shock when she burst into the room. "No mommy don't look!" I yelled, but didn't stop, as I turned my head to her in horror. "What the- David, why you fuckin' them boxes!" she yelled at me, recoiling a little in surprise. I didn't hear her words, as after I had turned to look at her I was hit by a shock. She was six foot one and 350 pounds; her fat rolls hung carelessly over her pink panties which I could only see a sliver of. She hadn't thought to dress before barreling out of her room to get me to stop, and so she was wearing only those panties and a blue see-through nightie. Her breasts were clearly visible, hanging a full three feet down her body with obscenely large areolas framing her cherry-tomato-sized nipples. Her myriad fat rolls seemed to be mimicking her breasts, like some strange fertility goddess. "All those breasts..." I thought, transfixed. After a moment of staring I looked up at her. Her short black hair was frayed and messy from sleep, and her large face was contorted in disgust and disbelief.

>>5751876
continueing still
Confused, frightened, and reeling, I replied "They're not just boxes, mom! They're...they're..." I paused and looked back at my work. Staring at its beautiful frame when suddenly I realized something. It had been only about an hour previous, and I was nearly done building her, having just finished applying some marker to the top of the head to simulate hair. I had been so impressed by my work that I had decided to reach down and draw "WOW" near the crotch so that I could later share in past-me's disbelief at just how good a job I had done. Remembering this, my eyes widened, and I slowly looked down, past the smiley face I had drawn on; past the cornucopia of shirts; and down onto the area that my penis, more erect than I'd ever seen it, was repeatedly smashing into. I gazed onto the word: "MOM" and my brain was sent into spasms. I looked back at her, the horror on her face matching the horror on mine, and yelled "...they're you!" directly before cumming harder than I ever have before.

>>5751881
that's my story thanks lole

I knew nothing about baseball. But that didn't stop me from signing up for pitcher at Ruggles Academy. It was dinnertime. A lone wolf eats a babydoll made of cabbages. Etc etc etc. In other words, the town crier was out of a job. This meant no more spring water for the village. No more soup for Old Yimmy. Not even a sop for Hamster the striped ferret blind in one eye. What does this all mean? It means our city is turning into a hitchhouse for bellomed swavers and snorpitious grunzlers. If that doesn't convince you to go Tory, nothing will. That's when Elizabeth Merritch slammed the door and collapsed on the bed. Why? Who? Whispering pups? You tell me. It could be that oversized fleshlight named Graceful Jenny which was at the breaking point not from girth but from overusage as they tend to deteriote after being soaked in lye water. Do what you want. I don't care. I'll be in the barn feeding the termites Devil Juice. Peace.