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>>5634673

I have a crush on Sisti and it's unironically driving me crazy. I go through the motions of the day thinking about her the whole time. Half the time I feel a dreamy sense of love which feels great, the rest of the time I feel a sense of anxiety. Normally when I like an anime girl I just fap to her and make her my phone background and shit like that, no stress. Somehow this is beyond all that, she's too real. I can't stop comparing her to teenage girls I knew in the past, which inevitably leads to how they rejected me or led me on en route to their Chad boyfriends. I wish I could stop this, I know Sisti (and Rumia/etc. too) is better than any of those bitches in every way. I know that but the small leftover voice of the loser I was in high school keeps telling me otherwise. Fuck, I thought I was over and done with that mindset long ago.

Leave it to a 16 year old fantasy anime character to bring about all this inner turmoil and deep seated psychological conflict. Am I gonna make it guys? Will I be able to love Sisti as my real 29 year old far improved self or will I keep getting dragged back to that high school loser mentality that I thought I had lost years ago? Maybe this battle is what having a waifu means for me, I've never really used that word before. In any case I'll fight to the bitter end.