Greentext me the most embarrassing moment from your life

>sister gets me to fall for the nursing meme
>i'll go do this nursing stuff and make some bank
>do my research
>it takes 8 years of school to get a job that pays more than 100k a year
>realize i am working in a field completely dominated by women and gay normos
>tfw 7 years of your life wasted chasing a meme created by and for women

>>39634395
Thats not embarrassing, you will end up with a solid job

>be me. 8 years old at the time
>be in a camp with my school. no bid deal, we do this every year
>i want to impress this girl that i like.
>teachers make us go to the beach
>put on my bathing suit
>see her in bathing suit
>make my move
>go talk to her
>"you have a great dick"
>mfw

Probably in 9th grade when I sneezed blood in my crush's face. I've done worse stuff since, but I'm so far gone now that I don't really register embarrassment.
>laying in bed, drunk, and staring at the ceiling
>realize I'm peeing myself
>tell myself I'll wash the sheets in the morning and just go back to staring at the ceiling

File: VIR_305156_23298_eres_una_enciclopaedia_viva_de_how_i_met_your_mother_segunda_parte.jpg (15KB, 600x286px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 600x286px

>>39634545
>Probably in 9th grade when I sneezed blood in my crush's face.
sounds very similar to my story
>be me, 16
>first gf
>lights are off, lying on top of her, making out with her
>she feels something dripping on her face, thinks its spit, embarrassed to say anything
>I realise my nose is bleeding
>me: "I can't believe it, it's a nose bleed"
>we both rush to the sink
>she washes my blood off her face, I spray blood into the sink, its peppered all around the fucking thing, the sink is covered
>we go back to the bed once it stops, I curl up into a ball and angrily talk about how humiliating that was, how it could only have happened to me with my bad luck
>she laughs with me at the situation, tries to make me feel better, wants to get back to spooning and making out
her mocking me with that event for months made me feel better about it, but its still my most embarrassing moment. She said I was pic related from HIMYM, implying cause I was horny and had boners all the time around her that thats what caused it.

>>39634714
Nobody here will sympathize with a Norman
>"haha I was so quirky and my gf was like laughing haha xD"
Fuck off

>>39634714
Your most embarrassing moment was when you made out with a girl at age 16 and had a gf who wanted to make out with you?
Wtf are you even doing on this board

>>39634902
>>39634890
I BLED ON MY FIRST GIRLFRIENDS FACE AFTER BARELY A MONTH OF GOING OUT IT WAS EMBARRASSING YOU GOTTA ANYTHING MORE EMBARRASSING?!

>>39634714
I was sitting in the school hall because I had a bad enough bloody nose that I was getting sent home. She came by and we talked and a sneeze snuck up on me.

>>39634937
TRY BEING A 29 YO KISSLESS HANDHOLDLESS HUGLESS VIRGIN WHO NEVER EVEN GOT CLOSE TO HAVING A GIRL TO BLEED ON

>>39634937
>YOU GOT ANYTHING MORE EMBARRASSING?!
Every single waking hour of my miserable existence

>huge diaper fetish
>really screwed up my sexuality growing up
>I used to steal diapers from grocery stores because I was too embarrassed to buy them
>one time I stole a diaper out of a package when I thought no one was around
>at the other end of the aisle was one of the hottest fucking women I've ever seen and happened to be the manager of the store
>"Hey put that back! I saw you!"
>face went white when I heard her
>dropped the diaper
>turned and ran out of the store
>got in my car and raced off at full speed

File: kissss.gif (2MB, 275x152px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 275x152px

>>39634958
>>39634975
I'm sorry guys, I feel bad now. You remind me of a conversation I had at a house party once with a mate of mine when we were both drunk. He told me about how no matter how sad I might be or the troubles I'm going through, there are guys going through far worse that have had far less (with respect to women). you've put things into perspective. in all seriousness I would like to hear your embarrassing stories though

every day i wake up is the most embarrassing moment of my life

>>39635023
This is some next level baiting dude lol

>>39635023
i would like you to get out of this board

>>39635006
That's pretty funny, I still don't understand the diaper fetish thing, and I hope you've gotten over it.
>>39634953
shoulda stuck tissue up your nose, thats nosebleed 101

File: full[1].jpg (36KB, 600x736px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 600x736px

>messed around online with a 34 year old married woman when I was 15
>pic related
>parents found out
>saw all the emails too
>mom threatened to disown me and dad took me out for milkshakes at denny's to laugh about it
Equally the most humiliating and the most hilarious moment of my life.

File: Podling-in-Dark-Crystal.jpg (121KB, 1400x700px) Image search: [Google]

121KB, 1400x700px

>>39635058
>>39635067
I'm digging myself a hole I guess, I'll stop talking now

File: Screenshot_20170504-113313.png (532KB, 1440x2560px) Image search: [Google]

532KB, 1440x2560px

i ain't retyping aII this shit

>>39635070
I ran out of tissue. The nosebleeds I get are really, really bad.

>>39634395
The nursing philosophy of care is a valuable one, any doctor or PA who looks down on you is a dick. I'm in med school and love my nursing bros.

Also- being the only guy in a group of women and homos means you'll fall into a leadership role naturally. This pisses feminists off immensely, I think they call it a "glass escalator"

>be me
>be 9th grade
>the year just started
>i got into trouble with a gang from school and they threatend me and such
>i was afraid for my life so i told the teacher about it
>suddenly the entire class calls me a "snitch"
>get mental breakdown and burst into tears
>the entire class watches
>i feel embarrassed
>fast forward to now. 18 yo
>still cant frogive myself and i still feel traumatised

>>39635097
ah that explains it then sorry, Mine aren't too bad they're just common. Had one when I brushed my teeth tonight

>>39634305
>first year of high school
>some weird ass tradition about buying presents for a random person in the class for christmas (the limit was 10 bucks i guess)
>buddy got your oneitis
>he agreed to switch
>she's big into anime
>she listens to k-pop
>decide to buy her something related to the cute anime boys
>calendar with half-naked drawn asian men it is
>the day comes
>hope she will like it
>she looks visibly disgusted by your gift
>she stares at you with pure animosity, somehow knowing it was you

I don't even know what I was thinking at that point. My social circle, back when I had one, would mock me for it until graduation.

>>39635023
The 29 yo virgin part and never showing up with a gf at family gatherings is pretty embarrassing.
But i can pick a specific moment in high school

>be like 17 yo
>eat something bad at lunch
>a little later, walk around part of school i never come
>for some reason the girl/boy bathrooms are switched
>suddenly have to poop really really bad
>run to bathroom
>run into wrong bathroom
>only notice it when i sit down
>luckily no girls around so start taking a huge liquid shit
>suddenly bell rings for next break, bathroom fills up with girls
>they giggle about how bad it smells
>i pull up feet, convinced i can sit it out untill break is over
>my retard friend calls me on my 2004 flip phone
>girls start screaming because they realize someone else is in
>my face turns red
>decide to just run out pretending to be sick
>bathroom girls and hallway people start laughing at me
>im nicknamed toiletboy the rest of schoolyear
fml

>>39635116
I don't get mine as often as I used to, thankfully. Usually they would be bad enough to get me sent home, though.

>born
>the rest of it

>worked at a grocery store
>a friend of mine raped me
>the next week he came up and said you liked it up the ass
>that kind of emparriing
>co-worker made fun of me for it
>it made me cry

File: shock.gif (1MB, 320x180px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 320x180px

>>39635177
Holy shit that's bad, shoulda waited out tho. If it makes you feel better I'm still a virgin, don't let it get to you too much. Just engorge yourself in religion and 'wait' till marriage to make yourself feel better. is there anything you could do to improve how appealing you are to women? confidence? looks? fitness? hygiene?

>5th grade
>fart in class, loudly
>funny at first
>only my table noticed it
>black girl loudly declares with audible disgust to the teacher that I farted
>get very defensive for some reason
>"FARTING IS NATURAL, EVERYONE DOES IT!!!"
>begin to cry
>just like I always used to
this was the exact moment I decided to hide and repress my emotions for the rest of my life.
this was the first and only time I had ever felt truly embarrassed, and so to avoid feeling it again I decided to stop feeling at all. it was my biggest mistake.

>>39635255
I took braces (again) when i was 28 to fix my teeth, braces will go out in 6 months or so.
I had really bad teeth, im hoping that will help.
My posture is really bad after years of low self esteem.
Also my social skills are non existent, as soon as i got out of school i took a job in security with the goal of meeting as few people the rest of my life.
By now i kinda regret that, not the job part, i like working in security, but i just never meet people and only now i realize how that fucks me up.
I have no friends and every conversation im in is just awkward because i have no social skills.
I dont consider myself ugly, especially since i got my teeth fixed, but my bad posture and inability to hold a normal conversation makes me unattractive

>>39635383
>I dont consider myself ugly, especially since i got my teeth fixed, but my bad posture and inability to hold a normal conversation makes me unattractive
just work on fixing your posture, regaining some confidence, learning how to talk to people. You'll pick it up and make progress slowly if you just start trying. And soon you'll be fine. We can all be normies if we put the effort in!

File: 1491273805793.png (135KB, 393x325px) Image search: [Google]

135KB, 393x325px

>>39634305
>imagine the smell of that pus mmmmm
>trolololololol xD
>You can't even go in to get your hand sowd on-sown on-sewd on
>my dick is 9000 trillion lightyears long
>when the aut confesses then regrets so goes into full denial
enjoy the mad

>be me in 3rd grade
>friends with another kid
>he's not really very nice, as close to a Chad as you can be in 3rd grade
>he's at my house playing with legos
>i build this huge thing
>walk out of the room to get water or something
>when I come back he smashes my building
>run up to him and push him against the wall
>bite the shit out of his shoulder
>no idea what I was thinking, just retard strength and attacking with whatever I could
>literally forbidden from talking to him
>all throughout school people know me as that weirdo who bit Garret
The kid died the summer before 9th grade though so it's alright.

>>39635475
>The kid died the summer before 9th grade though so it's alright.
of what, the bite??

>>39635505
Kek no. He sneaked out at like 4am and he and his friends stole their parents car and crashed it and died.

File: You Chose the Words That Would Hurt me Most.jpg (103KB, 722x690px) Image search: [Google]

103KB, 722x690px

Not exactly "embarrassing" but maybe you guys will get something out of it
>be me, 4th grade
>huge insecure faggot
>anger issues
>everyone avoided me
>reading book about nerds or something, Revenge of the Nerds I think
>Chad whose brother died the week before comes up
>"that books suits you, anon"
>"shut up faggot, your brother killed himself because of your ugly face"
>he becomes visibly upset
>"YOU DO NOT GO THERE!"
>continue making jokes about his dead brother for a year
>he and his friends throw acorns at me
>I tackled him and punched him in the face, school didn't see
>for some reason instead of kicking me out the school called up both in to 'settle our differences"
>we both say we're sorry, I start crying
>didn't think anything of it, thought we just said that to get out of trouble
>one day I'm taking a test in the hallway
>he passes by, his friends start harassing me
>"cut it out man, he and I are cool now"
>mfw I realized he actually forgave me even though I constantly made fun of his dead brother
I went all through elementary and high school and avoided that kid the rest of my days. Nobody really knew about that at our high school except for he and I. I was so fucking ashamed I could never even look him in the eyes in the hallway. But it all worked out because he was the most alpha Chad quarterback imaginable and I was an embarrassment who failed suicide and spent weeks out of school and nobody even cared.

>>39635549
>He sneaked out at like 4am and he and his friends stole their parents car and crashed it and died.
this is the most CHAD death I've ever heard

>>39635094
"and on this episode of 'stuff that never happened'"
I find it very unlikely that absolutely nobody in a crowded place did not help you when they saw your legs break or saw you crawling on the ground

>>39635564
>But it all worked out because he was the most alpha Chad quarterback imaginable and I was an embarrassment who failed suicide and spent weeks out of school and nobody even cared.
this seems like a just series of events that occurred to both of you

File: 1495076745321.jpg (49KB, 640x772px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 640x772px

Paid for battlefield 3 with nothing but quarters because the coinstar jew would have left me a dollar less. Held up the gamestop line until it was out the door. I fucking hate being poor as shit some days

>>39635609
It worked out in the sense that we both got what we deserved. I was the shittiest type of person and he the best, and our high school pecking order rank reflected that.

>>39635646
>It worked out in the sense that we both got what we deserved. I was the shittiest type of person and he the best, and our high school pecking order rank reflected that.
exactly, it speaks very well of your character that you realise this. It's the first step in in improving your lot in life

>>39635574
https://www.news4jax.com/news/local/vigil-held-for-14-year-old-boy-killed-in-crash

>>39635023
Really a master bater
>>39634714
How sad you must be to imagine such scenarios you probably came up in your mind while trying to escape the miserable reality you're living and then write them down just to bait even sadder people.

>>39635667
I think anyone in that scenario would feel immensely guilty. Though I do think I've done a decent job of improving my life at least as far as my impact on others is concerned.

>>39635211
Serves you right stupid whore

File: 1489603670855.gif (2MB, 500x400px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 500x400px

>>39635697
It wasn't baiting and both stories were real, if you were to call me ignorant of /r9k/'s sensitivities you'd be correct though
>>39635715
thats nice to hear, It was horrible what you did, and I'd feel extremely guilty too. But you were very young, and you've both atoned for it and realised it as a horrible thing to do.

>>39635686
>police say alcohol was a factor in his death
Chads eternally BTFO

>>39635747
The part that really gets to me is that all throughout high school I never once approached him to set things right, even though I always wanted to. Like I said, when the teachers made up apologize I didn't mean it. It wasn't until I realized that he actually forgave me that I felt like a piece of shit for it. In other words, I never gave him a real apology.

>>39635794
>I never gave him a real apology.
maybe try find him and give one, talk to him about his life, meet up or something. if you're talking about it to autists on /r9k/ it must still be affecting you

File: IMG_0015.jpg (33KB, 850x478px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 850x478px

Mine happened like 30 seconds ago
>texting female that I kind of know
>she's being very sexual
>instead of continuing to dance around it I just say, "do you wanna have sex?"
>no response

Why am I so autistic? Why would I ever think that would work?

>>39634305
>hate some stacy in my grade call her a slut or whore or something I don't even remember what
>her older brother two grades above beats the fuck out of me after school while the whole yard watches me eat shit
>spend the entire rest of the grade fighting because literally everyone thinks they can fuck with me over it until I finally get transferred out

If you ever have kids don't send them to public school.

>>39635794
The thing with socially active Chads is that things like that dont stay in their heads that long.
While you keep thinking about it for months and years, he has other things happening in his life to distract him and to take his attention.
At night all he thinks about is that party next friday, how to make Stacey spread her legs again, what to do when Steve and Jason hang out with him, etc

>>39635686
>August 2014
>Summer before 9th grade
>2014+3 = Summer before 12th grade
Aha! Statistically speaking high school seniors have not come of age at this point in the school year. Ban this faggot, mods!

>>39635903
I'm 18, faggot

>>39635211
What the fuck did you say and what the fuck "emparring" means?
Please someone tell me

>>39635686
How's the hurricane by the way?

>>39635947
My family and I left earlier today. I don't think it'll actually come to Jacksonville though. We live right off the river so there's a good chance of flooding regardless.

>>39635881
Especially something as juvenile as that. He obviously knows it was just kid meaningless kid shit.

>>39635944
i meant embarrassing. him and his girlfriend moved to New Hampshire, stole a bunch of video games. kind of made me laugh on facebook one of his status was no one called.

File: 1490804078933.jpg (9KB, 384x384px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 384x384px

>>39634508
>>"you have a great dick"
Just to be clear, she said to you, right? You didn't tell an 8-year-old girl she had a nice dick, right? Right?

>>39635939
I believe you just found that in your daily news and decided it'd be fun to be retarded and lie on the internet

>>39636104
>You didn't tell an 8-year-old girl she had a nice dick, right? Right?
I assumed he was that autistic when I read it

>>39635465
>This post
What does anon mean by this?

>>39636072
Did you like it up the ass? I really cant manage to get mine inside. I dont think its too thick but its starting to be a problem.

>>39635614
>Paid for battlefield 3 with nothing but quarters
I did that with a pizza delivered to my home, i paid 15 euro with 0,05, 0,10 and 0,20 euro coins.
It was pretty funny tho cause it was late in the evening and while he was counting i kept asking him number-questions like what time do you stop delivering, what time do you open, how much is the big tuna pizza, how many deliveries did you do tonight.
He was so polite to keep answering me but had to start over nearly every time

>>39636173
Nope, he actually lived across the street from me. His family lived there until this year.
I love how you retards will believe the most farfetched shit but when I post something that actually happened you pretend I'm lying.

>>39636104
I went fully retard. We were both 8 and i went fully retard. She started crying. I changed schools 2 months after

>>39636181
No. I'm not autistic. I have /those/ moments sometimes. Like the time i put 2 coins in my mouth instead of M&Ms

>>39636386
>No. I'm not autistic.
>but I do autistic things
okay lol

File: 51Ph--rN0pL.jpg (37KB, 499x500px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 499x500px

>>39634508
>mfw

>Didn't put a fucking mfw picture

kys

File: 1503131564237.jpg (34KB, 600x549px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 600x549px

All of you guys have some weak most embarrassing moments, let me tell you a doozy.
>be me 15
>curious what a blowjob feels like
>we have a dog
>you know where this is going
>grab the peanut butter
>smear that shit on my dick with 1 finger repeatedly
>shit feels cash
>dad walks by bedroom on way to bathroom
>i go deadly silent
>THE DOG WON'T STOP LICKING
>not like this FUCK
>he notices
>my brain completely shuts down
>coping defense mechanism activate
>dad: "feels good doesn't it?"
>me: "what are you talking about?"
>luckily he didn't dare to come in and actually see it
>he fucking knew though
>he just laughs and goes in the bathroom
>my face burns brighter than the sun
>JUST

>be me, 15
>school ski trip in Austria
>girl I like is on trip
>get put in groups based on skill level
>me and girl in same group
>lined up alphabetically with ski instructor telling us shit
>girl is next to me cause has same first letter of surname
>cold makes my nose run and gives me loads of phlegmmy gross shit
> try to clear my throat
>mouth is slightly open
>sticky green mucus flies out
>lands on her skis
>hope she doesn't notice
>she does
>looks at my face with snot running out my nose with pure disgust
>don't know what to do so just smile at her
I'm a cunt.

File: 1503623468711.gif (1MB, 680x680px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 680x680px

>Be in high school
>Pretty much best friends outside of school
>Use IFunny and find a lot of edge
>Send edge to him mainly and we talked a lot
>He doesn't clear his fucking chat
>Parents check phone and think I'm a crazy terrorist who for some reason took from what they read in the chat that I thought "If this girl didn't go to homecoming with me Id cut her head off or some shit
>What my mom told me but she's foreign and is inept at saying shit straight. She always stretches is and you cant trust her word. She's delusional
>Probably out of context from one of the videos, wasn't even planning on going to homecoming.
>Incredibly long email sent to my parents
>Forbaden from speaking with him
>Haven't really had anyone over at my house since
>We talk at school and hang sometime but he can't come over or anything
>My parents brushed it off because I mansplained them
>They think I'm a terrorist or something
>Mfw

>>39634305
>in South Africa
>found a budget African porn film crew while searching for unspent ammunition in burnt out tanks on the border
not sure if I should I continue this

File: 1503951919250.jpg (9KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 300x300px

>>39636674
All your dad did was laugh it off?

Anyway, I've got one, I've posted it here before.
>be me
>grade 3
>live with pretty religious parents
>not really any friends
>no idea what masturbation is
>in class
>gotta poop
>ask teacher to go to bathroom
>get to bathroom, coast is clear, i can shit in peace
>i dont like people hearing the sound of the ploop ploop when my shit hits the water
>as soon as i get in stall and sit down, two older kids walk in and start talking
>ohshit.ttf
>carefully and slowly lay paper down in water so no ploop sound
>dont want to make any noise so it takes a while
>these guys won't leave
>paper finally in bowl, silently let out my log
>wait for them to leave before i flush
>takes a while but they finally leave
>flush, wash hands and leave washroom
>principal is there
>says that i was masturbating and was in a lot of trouble
>everyone finds out
>for four years known as "orgasm boy "

>>39634305
Accidentally linked an rp site i frequented in a skype call filled with normies. They di

File: 1503774915387.jpg (65KB, 480x411px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 480x411px

>>39634305
>be me first day of high school
>get sprayed by a skunk while walking to school
>tell dad
>makes me go to school anyway
>hope no one notices
>everyone notices
>get called stank 'til i move cuz divorce
>mfw

>22. Smoking weed with 2 shitheads
>Sudden negative paranoia, probs cuz these 2 were blowing my high
>Start making this uncontrollable small high pitched scream noise
>Decided to go home. Passed a playground
>People stared at me and started to leave with their kids
>Start making noise whenever someone gets near me and it sets off my anxiety
>Make it home, ride out high in bathroom.
>Next day. Sober up. Though it was all in my head.
>See guys from yesterday
>"Anon, wtf is with you and making that noise"
>Hasn't gone away since. Idk when I make the sound but I think it's linked to my anxiety.
Am I gonna be reeeee forever?

one time a girl wanted to have sex with me so i stuck my nose in her mouth and called her a vile succubus

i was just "bee"ing myself though

love yourself robots, don't ever let normans tell you what you are

>>39634305
>talking to an elder in my community
>he gives me an eagle feather from his fan (BIG HONOR)
>tell him theres something i want to say but im scared to
>he urges me to say it
>"you smell like my boyfriend"
>stuff a chocolate muffin in my mouth to avoid saying anything else retarded

>>39636834
What else was he supposed to do? I was in complete denial and he didn't dare to come in and see the horrific scene.
How tf do you masturbate in 3rd grade tho? And why would the principal even assume you were or care?

>>39635881
>>39635821
Thanks anons, this made me feel a little better. I still can't stop thinking about what a piece of shit it makes me but at least I'm not as worried about him always thinking about it.

>be me, 15
>sophomore year high school
>band goes to a thing where we can play solos and get ranked
>give it a try
>going to prove myself this time
>work tirelessly to master my solo
>play it decently in warm-ups
>get in front of judge
>spaghetti
>do horrible
>everyone else that went got perfect marks
>teacher posted a congrats to everyone who went
>except me because I essentially got a failing score
>tfw he passed out the pins to everyone but me in front of the whole band

>>39637235
My orchestra is doing solo and ensemble next month and I still haven't started practicing my piece.
Fuck that's going to be me

>>39637095
>having a bf
>being a roasite on /r9k/
SWERVE, THOT

>>39634937
Getting cheated on very publicly two years ago which initiated a chain of events which led me to fall from chad-hood and turned me into a full-blown robot.

>no girl has remotely expressed interest in me since

>>39637095
Pls be tsalagi

>>39637547
>The cheated on
My ex cheated on me with strangers and so called friends. Everyone knew but didn't say anything cuz "they didn't want to ruin the relationship" like wtf doesnt him cheating already ruin the relationship?

>>39635465
What the FUCK did he mean by this?

oreg

>>39637619
ojibwe

>>39637881
Gesundheit
oregami[/spoiler[

File: 1504665140447.png (11KB, 343x543px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 343x543px

>be me 11
>messing with le lightbulb in my hand
>grip it hard for no reason
>pops in my hand
>didnt hurt
>running around at full speed for a rag to stop my half missing thumb
>never told my parents why i was pacing around like a retard
They never knew which was nice

>>39635686
>all those Chads and Stacys that showed up to his funeral

How many people do you robots think would show up to yours?

>>39635177
>The 29 yo virgin part and never showing up with a gf at family gatherings is pretty embarrassing.
I am lucky that my uncle is a robot so it isn't too embarrassing. It also helps that I actually learned to give less fucks than is healthy

>>39638650
Very few if any

>>39635177
i was the toilet boy in my year because I regularly got late too class. During the finals I had to convince my teacher that I wasn't cheating because I took a 15 minute shit in the middle of the exam

File: 20170910_002045.png (274KB, 1440x1441px) Image search: [Google]

274KB, 1440x1441px

too lazy to re type this
posted it like a week and a half ago

>>39635276
I know that feel. I was a big crier in elementary school and now I don't feel anything

>>39635094
>left the tv
Even though its fake my sides are still in orbit

>>39637005
I can't stop laughing hahagaksldnfbdhs