Anyone else closer than ever to suicide?

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Me, I'm getting ready to commit suicide by train

If I could tick a box with "don't wake up tomorrow" I totally would, but killing yourself is too much of a pain.

>>39631971
>killing yourself is too much of a pain
I thought so too for a while, but life's gone too far lately. I'm a literal walking husk. I don't even care if I scream for no reason, play vidya I'm not interested in or pull the trigger. It doesn't matter anymore and I'm too tired from this race to keep on running. There's just no other way I see. My only remaining dream is for flowers to be put on my grave.

>>39631922
Not yet, but when I move out, the concept of being completely alone is enough to make me think of tying the noose.

Suicide is dumb, even if your life is shit you should still live it out until you die.

You never know what could happen, but death is definite

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>want to tell stories
>can't write well
>can't draw well
>any attempts to improve remind me how stupid and inept I am
>nerves and vision slowly getting worse
Getting pretty close

I really was. I set the date and method, but pussied out and told myself to just experience everything pleasurable that I realistically can. I don't know how much longer I can go, things aren't too bad now since I drink and smoke a lot, but my future is non-existent. When I run out of money/get kicked out of home I'll probably end up going through with it.

I hope I lose my virginity before I die though, even if it's with a hooker.

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I want things to get better for me, I really do.
It just doesn't seem realistic at all.

I'm just daydreaming, living in a haze and aren't able to look myself in the mirror anymore. I hate myself and totally understand why everyone else would.

>>39632101
I can't stand it anymore. I hardly have it in me to live for another month, much less decades. Thinking about the possibility of living out my oncoming future gives me the symptoms of an incoming panic attack. I just can't do it.

>>39631965
Why not just jump? Seems faster and less terrifying

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>>39631922
>already attempted suicide and was dumped in a psychiatric ward for a week

>>39632101
Pretty sure I have dementia so am I supposed to just hold on until I can no longer control my bowel movements, my mental capacity has been reduced to that of a two year old and I eventually die because my body is no longer able to regulate my breathing?

>>39632800
>Pretty sure I have dementia
What are you experiencing? I've recently noticed I sometimes forget something I did just a few minutes ago. Makes me worried.

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>>39631922
Getting closer. Just like every year.

>>39632855
I haven't been diagnosed so it might not be, but a lot of issues with focus, memory and language that never used to be there. I'm so much dumber than I used to be.

Focus is things like getting distracted by my thoughts and not even realising it for ages, sometimes even around other people. Memory is just struggling to remember what I've done earlier in the day, and basically having no concept of what I've done earlier this month or year. Even remembering what time I got up yesterday is a struggle. The window of time my mind can comfortably occupy has shrunk substantially. Struggle to remember names, words, phrases. Often misremember names and have to look them up knowing I probably have the wrong one. The language stuff, not getting jokes, not understanding metaphorical language or implicit meaning and mixing up words in spoken sentences or using the wrong words entirely.

If you're worried you should probably go talk to a doctor, in case it gets worse. I think what brought mine on is isolation, so if you don't see or talk to people at least a few times a week you should probably do something to change that. I was a NEET shut-in for years and I only started experiencing this after I moved out on my own.

>>39632978
>your mind is literally built to self-destruct when it realizes it's stuck inside a robot's body

Feels bad man.

My alternative to suicide is going bad.
Break the law, do what you want, live the thrill of the chase.
If they catch you, then think about suicide.
Make your last days on Earth worth it

>>39632119
just start, don't let your inagination go to waste

I guess so. I havent really been tired or depressed lately, just in a apathetic melancholy state. Does anyone know what I mean? I dont know how to describe it.

>>39631922
Yeah I might do it tonight Im gonna buy a rope I have access to a gun but it's not mine and wouldn't want to burden that person with that. Altough the temptation Is there for a really easy way out. As long as I'm gone I should be fine