Anyone ever commit a crime if yes, what did you do ?

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>speed limit 30mph
>do 31mph

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Candy bowl on someone's porch during Halloween says to take a handful. I take two.

I took a shit in the middle of the fucking street

>>39570557
I took the whole bowl of candy. Ha ha!

I ripped the tag off my mattress.

This comment wasn't original enough apparently so I'm typing this up to make it more originaller.

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I crossed the street even though there was a red hand telling me not to cross

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>>39570444
Smoke weed

Originlll

I hid in the bushes and followed a man around for weeks, incrementally marking parts of his path, to determine his schedule.

>>39570444
I watched the documentary

I wish I could visit her but I'm sure I'm not the first one to think of it and I'm sure the guys crazy enough to try are more her pace

I want to molest that crazy loli.

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>>39570444
a cop pulled me over for speeding
i waited a bit for him to get out of his car, but then decided to find another place to pull into because it was on a narrow country backroad and I was holding up traffic
when I pulled into the driveway, i waited a while for him to get out, but he just left

i got arrested and charged with felony evasion of arrest the next day, but i didn't get convicted

I don't know if it's illegal but if I print out the wrong lotto tickets i throw them out

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>>39570444
Didn't pay my bus fare
Crime of the century right here

>>39570457
savage, I reported you to the local law enforcement

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>>39570744
What? How? the fuck. Not original btw

In about 2000, I masturbated fantacizing about my niece, Lani. She looks like Star Trek Seven of Nine! In 1985, at my sister's wedding, I stuck my crotch on the hot tub drain because it kinda sucked. In 1985, I tried to get a dog to lick my dick. From 1998-2003, I fantacized about leading a Catholic army like Dune, of Mexicans or Brazilians? That was dumb because they're niggers. In 2003, I played tag with a black girl about 7-years-old. She reached for my crotch. In high school, in the library, Carlos and I said 'juicy' or 'toxic' as a way of evaluating girls. In 1988, I cheated on my SAT by talking in the hall during the break -- two problems. On 9/9/1999, I killed a CIA nigger on purpose with my car. :-) In 1982, when I was 12, I babysat Kevin's kids. I changed a diaper because I thought that was being professional. In 1975, when I was about age five, my brother, Keith, put my penis in a vacuum. In 1977, when I was about age seven, my brother, Danny, got me high on gas fumes and we sucked each other's dicks. Distracting? At about age five, Jay Weinrick and I touched dicks to each other's assholes.

Broke a pane of glass at a bus stop.

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i've done a lot of shit
bought and done almost every drug out there
trafficked weed, LSD, and ecstasy
got an MIP when I was a wee lad and a PI later
broke into my old college house three times and trashed the place since no one lived there
cleaned up pretty well, im an accountant now
if you looked at me you'd think i was baby face child
and yes i know i'm a degenerate faggot, it's all I have

got in a fight, tried to kill a guy,

i'm a really nice person though LOL

i swear

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>>39570744
he hadn't gotten out of his car when I began to move forward, and I never exceeded 20 mph as I was looking for another place to pull into

>>39570785
everyone i've ever talked to about it has taken my side of the story
the really fucked up thing about it is that my mugshot is still online
it's one of the first things that comes up when you google my name

apparently he had called another cop to back him up because he thought I was running away from him (at 11 mph), and that cop crashed his car on the way over
according to the state of tennessee, it was my fault that cop crashed his car, and my charges went from misdemeanor evasion to felony evasion

>>39570444
>smoke weed
>even though it's illegal

Possession of peeps with intent to meme. Did a five year stretch for that one. Piss easy time

>>39570444
Beat the shit out of a girl for denying me sex.

>>39570846
>>39570846


you're lucky you''re good at math, every one of these, I cleaned up and turned my life around stories involves that they either had connections or that they had a marketable skill they were really good at.

>>39570444
>"that girl's good looking, wish she would be my gf"
>reverse search image
>she's 12
>mfw no face

>>39570733

I change my mind, she's fat and gross now.

>>39570903
nah man accounting isn't really about math, software takes care of that shit
it's mostly about the application of rules

ive drifted the shit out of my car on busy roads also I pracited drifting on some country dirt roads that some people live on everyday for a month straight. other than that nothing else.

I take all the napkins at McDonald's. I also grab tons of mustard packets that I can use at home instead of buying actual mustard from the store. I do this even when I order something that doesn't go with mustard, like hotcakes or ice cream. just so I have more mustard for my mustard hoard. I also have an Arby's Sauce hoard, a Taco Bell Diablo Sauce hoard, an iodized salt packet hoard, a pepper packet hoard, and a plastic spork hoard. Used to have a shitload of salad dressing packets and sour cream packets from Wendy's but those went bad.

I do not eat ketchup or catsup. Whenever people are over they ask for ketchup or catsup, expecting me to have a hoard of that too and I have to remind them this isn't a ketchup household and it is forbidden in my home.

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I killed a man in Reno once.

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>>39570859
>apparently he had called another cop to back him up because he thought I was running away from him (at 11 mph), and that cop crashed his car on the way over

My very existence is a crime against humanity.

>>39570859


sucks,

im debating trying to get my record expunged in 2020, cause it will be like 20 years.

i got into a retarded fight when i was a moron kid, and now that shit haunts me, people look at me like im a bank robber,

>>39570593
that wasn't a designated shitting street?

>>39570950
what an awful fucking post my god

>>39570790
Terry are you taking your meds?

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>>39570444

wtf I'm literally watching the SVU episode based on this story right now

>>39570985
I'm not a pajeet

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>>39570981
if you think you have a chance of getting it expunged, you should definitely try
there's no reason to let that follow you around if there's a chance you can get it off your record

>>39571113


im gonna wait til 2020 and then talk to a lawyer to get it removed. And, figure out how complicated it would be, because Normies, who i am sure had plenty of fights look at me like i am Dillinger.

but im a fucking unlucky ugly fuck so i am the one who actually gets busted for a fucking retard ass fight. The people at jail were like you got busted for that? tellign me i had to be set up or some shit.

The only thing good about it is it gets my out of jury duty forever,

i tell them a little of my story and how i think of courts and the prosecutor is like Good Bye

>>39570444
>tax evasion
>felony fraud
>grand larceny
>possession and trafficking of schedule 1 substance
>unauthorized access to a computer system
>trespassing

im actually a pretty boring person, but my life sounds edgy i guess. never been caught.

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>>39570790
terry is the realest of niggas

I used to steal shoes from Nike, Adidas, Mizuno, New balance from my previous job for extra money, never got caught stole about 30+ pairs over the 6 years i worked there, this includes t shirts, flip flops everything related to sports, my best clients were niggers kek

My insurance dropped due to not paying it and had huge fine.

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>>39571189
sucks that you're the one person who actually got in trouble for getting into a fight
how much time did you end up doing

>>39570444
i had a really bad eating disorder in high school and when id binge id steal food from people when the trash was empty

>Breaking the speed limit daily
>smoking weed often
>Racing on the highway
>Drifting on the street
>1 of my 2 cars has no inspection
Really nothing

I went to court this morning for felony criminal mischief.

Basically I broke something expensive accidentally and didn't pay for it. Since I was working when it happened and the thing was company property I assumed the company would take responsibility and by asking me to pay they were trying to basically scam me. Because they're scumbags.

Anyway the case was adjourned in contemplation of dismissal. If I pay restitution in the amount that the thing cost and do like 20 hours community service and stay out of trouble for 6 months it's dismissed like it never happened. Poof, gone.

I still think that they're scumbags tho. Fuck you Benjamin Brooks.

>>39570444
Did the crime
Did the time

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>>39570962
they really are a bunch of fucking buffoons, but it's not as funny when you're risking years in jail because two cops decided to be dumbasses

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Racial Assault when i was 15. Fought a guy who was 2 years younger than me, but pretty big compared to me.

Foolishly called him a nigger many a time to try provoke him after he was talking shit about me.

Luckily that was on my juvenile record and doesn't matter.

Stole alot of shit from shops,
almost got arested for another racial assult about 8 months prior to the first one.
Vandalised property

Sold MDMA for a few moths.

probably some other stuff but my memory is pretty shitty these days

>>39570444
I shoplifted once, that's about it if you don't count pirating

>>39571466

just like a day, but like a year of probation,

but that shit is stuck on my record.

And yea, oh being in a fight right of passage bla bla yea pshhhh and i get busted for it

>>39570444
I killed Jesus.
My ancestors did so basically grandpa did lol.

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This is the shit Ive been caught for.
>1 count of shoplifting for getting caught stealing a crate of beer from a shop on the way home from school.
>1 count of vandalsim for trashing some kids flat with a baseball bat as he owed me money.
>1 count of drink driving
>1 count of drunk and disorderly
>another count of vandalism for smashing up some guys car who owed me money

Shit I havent been caught for doing
>Fighting with leftists at various demonstrations.
>Fighting in arranged fights with other lads at football.
>dealing weed, coke and ecstacy.
>Torturing some guy who I caught red handed stealing from me.
>Various drunken pub and night club brawls.

>>39572111

>Racial assault

>Get into fight with giant brutish nigger
>he calls you a cracker, whitey, says kill whitey, says he hates you for being white
>crickets chirp

>>39571255
L33t hax
Bet you did a quick Google search and download a premade rat...
Or just used the girls laptop in front of you in class when on a break