ITT: Your a medieval doctor

What do I teach?

niggaa.

>>39543993
Liver has three lobes

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>Cardinal Giovanni sends you to the Plague district again
>Your mask is only half stuffed with incense
>Patients complain when you tremble with your fleam, because you have anxiety
>You tried to make your own mask, but it looks dumb

>give everyone a lethal dose of leeches

I'm researching how to change a man into a woman. It's not going well.

>>39544620
Try alchemy

>>39544650
I did anon. I tried turning a penis into a vagina but it just turned into gold instead.

>>39543993
huh, my nickname online actually is Plague Doctor, so this is my territory.
Back off, nerds.

>>39543993
>hello chad. are you ready for your leeches?

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>>39543993
>use my "esoteric" knowledge to heal people with "potions" and incantations
>or just saw off any suspicious limbs
>get paid
>people fear you for some reason
>you eventually get the plague and die too
>but you got to wear that cool creepy costume

Why the fuck is this thread full of fucking physicians or apothecaries or other pleb-tier quadrivium rejects

>Laryngitis
Herbs up bum

>Cold
Herbs up bum

>Heache
Herbs up bum

>Haemorrhoids
Saw arm off

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>>39544708
chaddington's the name. doctor. I just hope i can live to see my child and my beautiful wife stacicus.

>>39544771
*headache

orgigigigig

Upset stomach? Here anon, drink this mercury.

>>39544799
>headache

i'm pretty sure they had some type of hypnosis for that. After all the brain itself can't feel pain so it's almost a state of mind and people were really superstitious back then so it must have worked well.

>>39544587
a medieval plague doctor gound or whatever would cover my face and body and thus my shame making it more easy to socialize and act under pressure.

What do you mean I'll get ill from dissecting this rotten corpse with my bare hands? This stupid looking mask has a bunch of flowers in the nose compartment, so I'll be fine

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>>39544869
just rub an onion on it.

>wife of blacksmith is the biggest stacy in the entire village
>bullied me for reading books when I were studying to become a doctor
>one day she comes to me and says she is with child
>tell everyone that the child is lefthanded and so the mother is a witch
>she is burned at the stake

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>Try drawing your own anatomical corpus
>Suck at drawing
The Bishop laughed at me. I tried really hard, too.

Basically I'm going to put eels in your cunt.

>tfw no one will buy my snake oil

>be me
>doctor, plague times
>mixing together random grasses I found
>Chad Thundercock walks up
>"My wife is about to give birth, is there anything you can give her to help?"
thisgunbegood.oiloncanvas
>give crusty jar of horsecum and odd crushed herbs
>"Shove it up her cunt, it'll help"
>Baby is born with a slightly dented head
>get mother and child burned at the stake for having "beginnings of horns"
>go back to fucking around with herbs

>>39543993
Go back to the foundation

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>>39545030
>walking down to the tavern one evening
>as i'm about 10 feet from it i trip on my robe
>chamber maid from the second story window takes notice and starts laughing at me
>freeze, mabye if i pretend i'm dead it'll be better than being seen as a fool
>crowd gathers
>zounds.txt
>didn't want this attention
>"no-no it's alright i'm fine"
>brush myself off and manually walk the rest of the way
>crowd is still watching as i walk
>get to the door
>it's locked, taverns closed today
>shite
>awkwardly walk a U turn around the crowed. hear giggles.
>get home and masturbate on miniature statute

give me one reason i shouldn't sell myself to slavery.

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>>39543993
I would finish Plague's end and join the elves in Prifddinas.

>report old lady as witch
>burn her on the stake right there

>tfw my black magic didnt work on the stillborn baby

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>Lord of the House found the Homunculus Jars again

>>39543993
"am I in direct contect with th black plague? Good. Let me take off my uniform and mask! I'll finally die within a few minutes! Ahh thank heavens!!!

>normalfag patient today
>comes in complaining of an upset stomach, obviously I should administer wormwood
>but fuck this guy, perform a phlebotomy instead
>right on the verge of death I end the procedure
>pays me and agrees to a follow up next week
Who /devillish/ here?

My a medieval doctor.
>learn how to use you're you stupid fuck

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All he had was a cold, I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. Lol.

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>>39543993
>be me
>plague doctor
>cunt daughter from neighbor knocks at my door, asking for help
>whatfuck.canvas
>"hey anon, you're a doctor right? my dad's dying, i need help"
>mychance.painting
>rush inside, put on my doctor's mask, then go to her father next door
>"you've come to help me, i hope"
>"stay still, old man, as i will fix you"
>give him leeches
>leeches fix everything
>as i help him she's bitching at me the entire time
>"thanks anon, now leave"
>noproblem.canvas
>get home
>take off mask
>report her for being a witch
>attend her lynching the next day
>mfw

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>be me
>beta plague doctor
>see 9/10 qt shopkeep everyday
>says stuff like "Hi anon nice mask" "Do you need more pork anuses today?"
>slowly build up the courage to ask her to court with me after 3 blue moons
>goes up to woo her with my knowledge on incense
>Chadximus the bishop and his group of faggot ass priests push me aside and say "sorry posie man but this maiden is taken"
>look to her for help
>this roastie is already gargling this mans mutton stick
>leeches start gushing out of my pocket as i sprint home
>fuckingroasties.anatomical poster
>chop up a plague victim and stick it in her lake water supplies
>accidently cause mass plague and end up killing half the village
>sit home and cry whilst jerking my medimeat into a meaty leech.
>Splooge out Black dribbly liquid
>o shit nigga
>mfw I got the plague as well
Fuck me man who here /plague/?

>>39543993
>Your
come on guys

>>39543993
lemme just slit your wrists and you'll be fine.
anemia is super healthy, after all

>>39543993
>just amputated a knights greivously wounded leg
Ha fucker thinks he'll survive the gangrene.

>>39546130
>be introverted european son of noble
>muslim friends introduced me to alchemy, practice it in my spare time
>can't pursue it as a career for obvious reasons
>dad notices me make brainlette tier elixir for a rash
>"you're destined to be a healer champ. just be confident in yourself and stare your master straight in the eyes!"
>"cmon champ, just give the clergy a firm handshake and they'll have no chance but to make you an apprentice"
>dad threatened to banish me if i don't
>tried to get training at local apothecary, but my dad refused because it wasn't prestigious enough.
>dad fell for the plague meme and forced me to work in it.
>have no idea what i'm doing. 90% of my job is just installing Adobe Leecher on people
>death follows me wherever i go, the peasants see me as the reaper. all of them cower in fear at my presence and beg for mercy
>none of them ever talk to me
>dad brags about how his son is a plague doctor to his friends
>everyone knows now. nobody wants to invite the enemy of pestilence itself into their homes.

plague is the ultimate automaton-tier profession

>>39543993
Were ancient doctors really that shit at their job or is it just us perceiving them to be bad?

>>39545680

Did this once.

>general plague
>also crops failing
>poisonous night vapors from the marshes
>rains of weird shit like frogs, fish, and actual shit
>called to treat rich patient
>grunting, tossing, turning
>bleeding from his eyes
>large bluish-black putrescences rupturing and releasing yellow pus streaked with blood
>fucker is as good as dead
>bitch daughter says she won't pay me until he gets better
>no fucking idea what to do
>her voice is like a treadle drill going through my skullcap
>apply mercury poultices to patient
>give patient arsenic suppository
>use my fleam to release a good bit of his blood
>fucker dies after four bells
>"why didn't you save muh daddy you only had one job and you fucked it up dr. anon you fucking fraud"
>chases me out into the street screeching
>point at her and scream, "SHE'S A WITCH! SHE'S WHY WE HAVE A PLAGUE AND FAMINE AND SHIT RAIN!"
>villagers get torches and pitchforks
>next day
>everyone recovers from plague
>crops are all coming a cropper
>afternoon rain shower is just fresh water
>later realize
>holy shit
>she really was a witch
>probably explains why i woke up half-man, half-chicken
>the fucking eggs man
>fucking eggs

>>39547140

They weren't that bad in general, at least through the Renaissance. Hospitals were also fairly decent.

Later on (18th, 19th centuries), some different schools sprung up that had some really shitty practices...would rather be treated by a medieval doc.

>>39547140

In terms of bloodletting or amputations or leeches, they just lacked the ability to gain medical insight and knowledge. The medical renaissance that occurred after the Middle Ages led to advancement; medicine was one place that the Greeks/Romans weren't all that great at (see their idea of the Four Humours and shit).

Hell, injections into the bloodstream first happened (and experimentally at that) only in the 1600s, and didn't really become a thing until the 1800s.

On the other hand, medicinal practitioners did have a load of homeopathic remedies that did work on limited conditions, and often were quite knowledgeable in natural treatments such as herbs and poultices. Even limited surgery existed to an extent. Just don't go to a classical or medieval doctor for lung cancer or anything serious. Or even semi-serious, really.

>>39547225
I think I know that girl man
>tfw mantis hands

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Who else /corvus/ here?

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>>39545404
>Apothecary bottled the Leakage Seepage

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>>39547389

Most certainly when Carthage must be destroyed

>>39546568
You fool, he's clearly too melancholic and requires five drachms of bogmyrtle tincture and 20 drops of henbane.

>>39543993
Help, I'm drowning in congealed spit from my mask.

>Se ansien hwonne bryd lesbregd mec
Ic beblonden baet bicce eac se blaecce cwealm.

Hope the robot doesn't confuse this for jibberish