[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Free Show | Home]

Times You Just Wanted To Die

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

Thread replies: 108
Thread images: 13

File: IMG_9065.jpg (42KB, 600x388px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_9065.jpg
42KB, 600x388px
Fuck I need to get this off my chest. It's been killing me for a while.
>2015
>Uncle recently finished construction of his mansion
>Spent a little over 2.5 million into this masterpiece
>Has a huge housewarming party to celebrate
>invites my family and a bunch of other cousins and shit
>A lot of good food is served
>Mac and cheese is served
I am semi lactose tolerant so stuff like cheese really gives me the shits
>say fuck it and eat it and asks for seconds
>Hour Later
>Head to the up-stairs bathroom
>Take the most massive and ugly shit of my life
>Try and flush
>Half goes down but the rest just stays there
>Try and flush again
>Water slowly rises to the top of the bowl
>Water starts to fucking spill out
>It's on the floor before I know it
>Cover it with towels and shit and quickly leave
>I made out like a ninja and am not seen
>20 minutes later
>Entire bathroom floor and hallway is drenched with shit-water
>Everyone is confused af
>Uncle has not thrown another house party since
I later found out from my dad that it cost about $20k to fix up the piping and the wood flooring. They still don't know who did it since there were so many people.
>>
>>39529674
What kind of shit piping do Americans install in their houses for their shit to flood the house?
>>
>>39529747
I don't know but they also have paper thin walls and doors that can be busted down with a single punch.
>>
File: IMG_1614.jpg (62KB, 395x401px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_1614.jpg
62KB, 395x401px
>>39529674
Serves that fucking rich turbo normie right. You did real good OP
>>
File: 1501794865542.png (160KB, 248x454px) Image search: [Google]
1501794865542.png
160KB, 248x454px
>eat lactose-based foods despite knowing what it will do to you
why do lactose intolerant people do this? Don't say "because it tastes good"
>>
>>39529837
I didn't know how bad it would get. Im used to just pooping afterwards and my toilet sucking it down. The new low-flow garbage can't take my shits down. They are so weak
>>
Your uncle is a faggot and should have hired a better plumber.
2.5 million on a house and he fucking cheaps out on plumbing, what a fucking retard.
Your dumbass uncle deserved it.
>>
>>39529837
why do people serve mac & cheese at a party?
>>
>>39529674
Every single waking moment of my life starting about 2 years ago.
It'll probably get worse when I ask oneitis out next week and inevitably get rejected. I have assembled every last bit of social capital and deceptive trick to get the situation built up. If it fails, I have nothing left.
>>
>>39529747
>>39529777
Common in cheap ass mcmansions.
>>
>>39529913
This is going to sound really normie but just stay strong and hold yourself together. Has she returned any similar feelings?
>>
>>39529943
I don't fucking know. I like her because she's quiet and socially conservative (read:virgin), and I only talked to her a couple times. One of them, she left after answering a question I asked, but I didn't make it seem like I had anything else to say. So she could be nervous around me, or I could be human repellent. I have no clue, and the uncertainty is killing me. Plus I don't know how to time asking her out. Third conversation? If/When she laughs at a joke I make? Help with a problem in class? I don't have a clue.

And part of the reason I've even bothered talking to her is that I want to do everything I can to save her from the soul-draining cock carousel. Even if she breaks up with me in a year or something, I will have preserved her purity for a little.
I've been posting my story a bit around here. It's cathartic.
>>
File: 1502598086588.jpg (17KB, 307x309px) Image search: [Google]
1502598086588.jpg
17KB, 307x309px
>>39529913
describe the trick please
>>
>>39530097
I have to cover my ass around everyone I know. I can hardly handle the anxiety with just her, but having anyone else know would be too much.
So I have to weave all sorts of intricate, self-consistent excuses for doing things outside of my normal behavior to family (e.g. actually cutting a neckbeard because "it itches"). Thankfully, my friends from HS all go to different unis, so I don't have to work around that, too.
>>
>>39530150
whatever fIoats your boat
>>
You should have came clean you fucking scumbag. Imagine it from his perspective
>Work hard all life
>I rewards myself with a beautiful home
>Invite my brother and all my nieces and nephews
>One of them clogs my toilet and lets it flood
>The autistic fuck who did it doesn't even have the decency to apologize
>>
File: 9ff.png (198KB, 550x535px) Image search: [Google]
9ff.png
198KB, 550x535px
>>39530090
>>And part of the reason I've even bothered talking to her is that I want to do everything I can to save her from the soul-draining cock carousel. Even if she breaks up with me in a year or something, I will have preserved her purity for a little.

Jesus Christ, anon, all of your future relationships are doomed to fail with this line of thinking. This is some of the most controlling and archaic thinking I have ever witnessed on this site, and I don't say that lightly. You're over-analyzing what a relationship should be and with other nuggets like "deceptive trick" you are really setting yourself up for failure by not basing a relationship off of genuine feeling and emotion. Yes, some logic and thought goes into relationships as well, but you are truly giving a new meaning to being a robot.

If you continue with this line of reasoning and mindset, even if she does say "yes", you will be doomed to fail someday, or you will end up destroying her psyche with your eventual guilting and overpowering.
>>
>(((39530166)))
>refresh thread watcher
>see italics
>excite.jpg
>it's this fucking faggot again
I won't even give you a (You).
>>
>>39529674
well if nobody found out it was you and he was a richfag anyways, why would you want to die, situation went as well as it could have
>>
>>39530170
He deserved it solely because he's a boomer. All boomers are scum that should be tortured slowly.
>>
>>39530221
I am not being deceptive around her, I mean I'm trying to mask myself from everyone else to brace for fallout. All I mean by the "reason I bothered talking" is that my anxiety is too strong to consider a relationship solely for myself. I took action here because I genuinely believe it could help if by some cosmic miracle I succeed. If she rejects me, fine, but I will have gotten over the agony of not doing anything in the face of danger.

What is wrong with helping someone save herself for marriage? We've all seen the statistics on what sex does to the psyche.
>>
>>39530221
>>39530299
How am I controlling? I just want to do what I can to help and then get some closure either way.
>>
>>39529747

I honestly wondered about this for ages because of Ameripoors always posting random stories about blocking up toilets and those neurotic tales about being super paranoid about shitting.

The problem is they have really weird toilets compared to normal first world countries. Like, a normal toilet has a decent sized exit to the pipe with that curved, deep pool that allows your shit to flush away with ease.

Ameripoors have wierd shallow ledges with small exit holes and they basically shit onto this ledge then wait in fear to see if the shit they've done is going to fit through the exit.
>>
>>39530299
>>39530319
I have no idea why two separate people replied to this but here I go anyway.

I understand trying to put on a different kind of face to be socially acceptable or mitigate injury to your mental health in the case of breakups, letdowns, etc; that's not the qualm I have. The thing that's wrong with "helping someone save herself for marriage" is that you're imposing your goals and values onto someone who is entirely their own person. You have this hero-complex that you somehow think you're responsible for her life and her well-being, and you aren't. If you go into any relationship assuming responsibility for a person's life and their actions, you're being controlling, or at least are trying to take control passively. It just isn't healthy, man. It's her body, it's her choice how to interact with it.
>>
>>39530150
>So I have to weave all sorts of intricate, self-consistent excuses for doing things outside of my normal behavior to family (e.g. actually cutting a neckbeard because "it itches").

Nobody gives a fuck about your stupid reasoning for anything. You have a neckbeard, for fucks sake, you're not relevant.
>>
File: DCcGRFPV0AE5iPV.jpg (248KB, 1200x1015px) Image search: [Google]
DCcGRFPV0AE5iPV.jpg
248KB, 1200x1015px
>>39530442
>you're imposing your goals and values onto someone who is entirely their own person. You have this hero-complex that you somehow think you're responsible for her life and her well-being
Because I'm fucking right, you liberal twat. There are choices that can severely damage one's life. Or are you saying you shouldn't tell somebody to jaywalk on a highway?
This is just as ridiculous as feminists saying women working is freedom. Yeah, right, Arbeit Macht Frei.
>>39530495
It's not a horrid neckbeard, I at least keep it combed.
>>
File: 1488400637693.png (210KB, 581x581px) Image search: [Google]
1488400637693.png
210KB, 581x581px
2 days ago when i relapsed on meth

guess its what i deserved for being weak willed

maybe dad was right about me
>>
>>39530435
As an Amerifat, I find this description hilarious and eerily accurate. I've found that nicer hotels have good toilets that have a highly pressurized system that takes up very little water. The bowl is still the same, but the force will squeeze it all through the small opening. Hopefully this is the same tech they'll be using for newer houses and apartments in the coming years.
>>
>>39530525
>comparing suppressing someone's sex life to literal suicide

Dude, you're fucking delusional. I gave you the benefit of the doubt with a few posts, but I can see that you're past the point of basic reasoning via communication. Hopefully you have some turnaround event in your life before you get that far.

Armchair psychology bonus round!
You have claim to very little in life, to include happiness or a sense of purpose, so you grossly indulge in trying to rectify those shortcomings by feeling personally responsible for very personal facets of other people's lives.

This isn't normal, man. I really do hope that you can find a genuine relationship without being so bizarre about it.
>>
>>39530525
Not jaywalk*
fuck
>>
>>39530525
>It's not a horrid neckbeard, I at least keep it combed.

Oh, yeah, that's really making a difference. Fucking end yourself.

That other anon is right about you, by the way.
>>
>>39530319
You seem so blinded by love its actually anoying , i have been there and im just gonna tell you one thing .
Watch out , i too once tried to admit my feelings to save a quiet shy girl and it ended in me discovering she was a whore for black guys . Even if she rejects you there is a lot more to do in life than just chase after pussy , dont elude yourself
>>
>>39530539

I don't understand how an entire country can be this autistic about toilets, of all things. I mean. I'm completely serious when I say all the tales of paranoia and shit disasters confused me for years and years until someone finally pointed out how different and impractical your toilets are. It has to be some sort of deliberate ploy to keep you scared of shitting.
>>
>>39530597
>"suppressing"
Ha! This wouldn't have been an issue just 60 years ago, but now it is. How can you so easily ignore mountains of evidence showing the damage hypergamy can do? And I already said, I don't try to dictate what hopeless degenerates do to themselves. But when I see a tiny shining light of morality in a hellish darkness, of course I'll try to keep it from going out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3qkf3bajd4
1:12:45 is when you want to start. You are incapable of deviating from the mind virus of leftism. But I will try as hard as I possibly can to prevent her from falling into the same pit.
>>39530624
>t. Shlomo Shoahbergman
>>39530643
Sex before marriage is degenerate. If I find out a dark past to her, I won't care what she does afterwards. She'd already be lost.
>>
>>39530690

She's not interested in you. You know this already. She's never made any effort with you. She only knows who you are because you've forced one sided interactions with her.

Apart from all that, the notion you would date her just to protect her purity is white knighting and autism on a superior level.

She's an adult now, she's going to fuck sooner or later and she's going to love it and fuck some more.
>>
>>39529837
Nobody, not even my own body is gonna tell me I can't have delicious milkshakes.
>>
>>39530690
>this fucking fedoracore vernacular
>the jew boogeyman (I mean, I don't like 'em either, but come on)
>talking about events 60 years ago, when women in America, were indeed, suppressed

Dude, I'm having more fun talking about fucking toilets with this dude >>39530685 than I am watching you fall apart at the seam.

As for toiletanon, I really don't get it either. I've yet to travel out of country, but even I get that other countries do their indoor plumbing much better than here. I think it's just an oddly culturally ingrained thing now, like people would legitimately freak if they saw a squat toilet here. And to be fair, people from wherever you're from would also find it odd if they saw one of our dumb contraptions.
>>
>>39530760
Not if I can help it, mate. She's moral on her own, and I'd only be reinforcing it; acting as a bulwark.
And women in general are chased after, even more so when they're traditional. Try getting out of your liberal bubble for a little--it might even help in your quest to brainwash and destroy all life on this planet.
Also, your reddit spacing is triggering me.
>>
File: hippies btfo.jpg (73KB, 600x478px) Image search: [Google]
hippies btfo.jpg
73KB, 600x478px
>>39530770
> when women in America, were indeed, suppressed
And yet they were recorded as being happier back then, when they didn't have the """freedom""" to self-destruct. Nowadays, a woman trying to moral has it almost impossible, because men like you "adapt" by pumping and dumping without commitment. And the roasties keep roasting.
>fedoracore
I don't know how else to say it. On a basic level, I feel an instinct to protect and preserve what is 'good.' I won't force it, but I will do what I can within my meagre abilities. And then I get called a white knight while people sperg at me saying
>"dude lmao she's going to be a slut it's HER CHOICE"
That's white knighting. Celebrating moral failure and the loss of all that is good.
>>
>>39530685
more like a ploy to keep the plumbers busy
>>
File: sadcat.jpg (2KB, 123x125px) Image search: [Google]
sadcat.jpg
2KB, 123x125px
>>39529674

Right now, acted like an asshole to a girl and probably made her cry.

>>39530435
hahahahaha, as an American this is so true.
>>
>>39530798

Very soon she's going to meet the first of many guys who makes her cunt drip with pure, unadulterated lust and he's going to fuck her brains out and your opinion, which has never mattered to her, will be even more irrelevant.

Here's some le reddit may may spacing to upset you even more.

>here's a bonus le liberals destroying le world may may green text to really get those impotent tears of rage flowing

>white knight
>>
>>39530770
>>39530867
>>39530900

I really need you guys to rise up against this oppressive plumbing insanity and champion a revolution of normal toilet ownership.
>>
>>39530901
This has to be a troll. Even my anarcho-communist acquaintance isn't this stupid.
>>
>>39530924
We must secure the existence of unblocked pipes and a future for all mega shits.
>>
>>39530934

>your oneitus dripping with pure lust as she slides herself onto any cock but yours is stupid
>>
>>39530951

Less wall, more plumbing reform
>>
>>39530934
You're confusing troll for baiting, my guy.

>>39530924
I'll try my hardest, man. If we want to be completely gross and honest, I pee in the shower (while showering) just to avoid the horrible ergonomics of the American toilet.
>>
>>39530537
He was, very much so.
>>
>>39530973

Everyone pisses in the shower. Aim for your feet to prevent tinea.
>>
File: AEBil3p.jpg (296KB, 1596x1213px) Image search: [Google]
AEBil3p.jpg
296KB, 1596x1213px
>crazy abusive mom
>frequently have to spend weekends or short chunks of time at aunts house
>aunt is chill af
>cares about me
>gives advice
>cooks good food
>treats me as good as her own kids
>suffers a severe stroke
>25% of her brain is dead
>non-verbal and paralyzed on one side
>whole family is devastated, me included
>months go by
>she's recovering fairly well (as well as possible)
>regained extremely limited/stuttered/slowed speech
>walks slowly with a walker
>thingsarelookinggoood.jpg
>hanging out with my cousins, aunts kids
>get a little high and play video games
>suddenly smell toast
>without thinking pause diablo and yell out "I SMELL TOAST AM I HAVING A STROKE?"
>immediately freeze up
>atmosphere in the room completely changes
>stutter, "m-my bad haha... cuz one of the symptoms of a stroke is smelling toast"
>blank faces staring back at me
>get up and go to the bathroom
>hide in there for 30 mins

We never talked about it again after that.
>>
>>39531213
Fuckin hell that sounds pretty rough, making a joke at the wrong time has always made me wish I could disappear
>>
>>39529674
Gf did this and scream the second that it took place so 2 of the shipts didnt make it out and then i cleaned it up while laugh and went back to bed.
>>
File: lol10.gif (660KB, 361x324px) Image search: [Google]
lol10.gif
660KB, 361x324px
>>39530924
>>39530951

Make toilets great again!
>>
>>39529870
Do you take pride in how heavy your shit is?
>>
>>39530525
So if you did get in a relationship with her, what would you do to preserve her purity? Would she be restricted in any way? Would she be able to leave you if she wanted to?
>>
>>39531500
>Would she be restricted in any way? Would she be able to leave you if she wanted to?
Not aside from the obvious of not cheating on me.
Of course she'd be able to leave. But I would protect her purity by not going into the relationship with the expectation or goal of sex. I would just see how far along we could get, with the possibility of getting engaged a few years down the line. And all the time we would be together, means she isn't being subjected to all the pressure to engage in the vile hookup culture of unis.
As I said, she's already the chaste type. I'd just like to help shield her from temptation.
>>
>>39531213
I know your pain. My uncle gets seizures every so often (he's 60-something and he's had about 8 or so) and we were at Chuck E. Cheese for my cousins gay ass birthday and the strobe lights went off and I said "gee way to give me a seizure haha". Made things awkward for a while
>>
>>39531538
haha you are such a fucking beta white knight holy shit
no girl will ever date you, especially not this one
>>
Every second of every day.
>>
>>39531579
Still here? Have another (You).
>>
>>39531608
somebody is incapable of keeping track of the poster count i see
i'm a different anon, you're so pathetic anyone can see it
>>
>>39531538
Well I don't really see why everyone's sperging out over that. From the way you had a bit of a rage and posted those infographics I thought you'd be going for a traditional woman should not have any input or individual thought kinda thing. As long as you remember the girl is a complex person not a caricature you should be fine.
>>
>>39531538
I just schlicked reading your story and thinking about how miserable you are
>>
>>39531659
You'd be hard pressed to find any traditionalist who thinks like that. I just reject the notion of equality of function that has been pushed by the left.
I don't want a sex slave, I want a partner in life. And that means someone who is feminine, not an ersatz man working on a "career."
In any case, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that that will never happen. I just don't want to see anything else go to shit. It's pretty infuriating to watch that simple idea get laughed down scornfully, so pardon the sperging.
>>
>>39531538

Objectively one of the most painfully naive and white knight ridden things an omega has ever written.
>>
>>39531719
>using an sch- word
Either you're a master troll, or (((someone))) that shouldn't be listened to.
>>
>39531773
>abstaining from sex outside of marriage is now white knighting
The lack of self-awareness of these people.
No more (You)s.
>>
not ur fault dude ur uncle just did a shitty fuckin job at doing the plumbing at his scuffed ass mansion
>>
>>39531754
I reckon you should keep ideas about inequality of function to yourself when finding a girl, especially if they are extreme. Just out of curiosity, do you currently have a career? Because if you want a partner who is not focusing on a career, then you better make sure you make enough to support them.
>>
>>39531806

No, it's the hilarious and actually quite sad complete lack of awareness that people are mocking you for. The notion you are protecting this mythical girl from some imagined culture that wants to ruin her, the "I'm not going into an adult relationship and having sex" bullshit, it's just fedora tipping on a mystical level.
>>
>>39531806
>thinking people actually get a kick out of a three word combination on a Nigerian bee-keeping image board

loving every laugh

Posting like that only draws more attention because now instead of the typical blue linked post number, there's just a jumble of green ones that catch the eye, making everyone more curious to look up the post number to see what was so horrifically different about that post that you feel the need to spend time out of your day to edit a post to change it to a non-active number.
>>
>>39531754
>I want a partner in life.
haha, no you don't
>>
>>39531823
Working on getting an engineering degree. And I'm not insane. If she needs to work, she can, it's just not ideal, and I want a society where a wife doesn't need to work.
>39531848
>imagined culture
Except your reaction and assumptions proves the opposite. It's ingrained in you bastards that relationships = sex, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I admit that I have my own feelings that are a bit sappy. But you, I pity you. You're incapable of feeling anything but a base impulse to destroy.
>>
>39531885
Sure thing.
>39531893
I told you I do. What do you want? A fucktoy?
>>
>39531897
>>and I want a society where a wife doesn't need to work.

Enjoy the slow spiral into what anachronistic guys like you consider "a most dismal and dreary future" *tips fedora*
>>
>>39531910
>I told you I do.
You don't. You have a hero complex, trying to "save" a girl you've barely spoken to by dating her. Partner implies a partnership. You don't seem to actually care about her opinions on the matter at all. How could you, when you've barely even spoken to her?
You're in college. This is middle school tier infatuation. Grow up.
>>
>>39531897
>It's ingrained in you bastards that relationships = sex, when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Nobody has said that, self-cuck, but entering into a relationship as an adult with the intention of not having sex is objectively numale and ridiculous.

>I admit that I have my own feelings that are a bit sappy.

You're like an emotional and naive 13 year old boy.

>You're incapable of feeling anything but a base impulse to destroy.

What else do you tell yourself about people who have experienced more life related things than you ever will as you stroke your trimmed neckbeard?
>>
>39532015
>you don't seem to care about her opinions
The reason I'm attracted to her is because of her opinions. She's not into hookup culture.
Reading comprehension, anon.
>39532020
This is tasty bait. Don't you have anything better to do than kick the downtrodden on an anonymous imageboard? How about you upgrade to beating up homeless vets for fighting in a war your superior intellect has deemed to be wrong.
>>
File: 1504593492548.jpg (141KB, 695x779px) Image search: [Google]
1504593492548.jpg
141KB, 695x779px
>>39532077

How about you stop being a numale coward who tries to change the subject every time you get utterly destroyed?

The top half of pic related is you.
>>
>>39532095
>Hollywood consults him for one-liners

Jesus Christ, these never get old.
>>
>39532095
So be it.

Well, it was a nice chat, and talking to people like you helps remind me why I fight and keep getting up every day. So thanks, I guess. Have to go to sleep now.
>>
>>39532077
>The reason I'm attracted to her is because of her opinions. She's not into hookup culture.
That's a nice little sidestep of how you haven't meaningfully interacted with this girl much if at all.
Let me just address how I know I'm right about this:
you say here >>39530090
>And part of the reason I've even bothered talking to her is that I want to do everything I can to save her from the soul-draining cock carousel. Even if she breaks up with me in a year or something, I will have preserved her purity for a little.
if like you said she's not "into" hookup culture then you aren't saving her from anything. then why are you doing it? the line above encapsulates it: you have a blind infatuation with this girl combined with a desperate hero complex to "save" someone so you can feel worthwhile. you seriously don't even care if the relationship succeeds or not as long as you "protect" her for a bit to give yourself some meaning.
>>
>39532286
>you seriously don't even care if the relationship succeeds or not as long as you "protect" her for a bit to give yourself some meaning.
Come on, I want to sleep. No, I would like it to succeed, but I am saying that it's not the only good thing that can come out of it.
Go ahead, try to argue that college isn't just a massive orgy. A stable relationship is a buffer to that, and I might as well throw my shitty lot in with someone who has the same general attitude.
People exist within a wider community, no matter how much you try to atomize them. It's the same thing on this site, where you have people talking about escorts to """solve""" a virginity """problem.""" I don't want her morals to be one-sidedly eroded if I can help it.
And frankly, I don't understand your unbridled hostility towards me. What did I do to you?
>>
>>39532369
>Go ahead, try to argue that college isn't just a massive orgy.

How do you honestly expect anyone to rationally argue against hysteria and hyperbolic nonsense?

It's like you believe posting like this absolves you of being challenged.
>>
>39532400
You were literally just posting that almost all relationships involve sex. Sadly, that's true these days.
Again, what do you gain from this? I have my values, you have yours, we disagree. I have provided my inner thoughts and sourced where I get some of my beliefs, you have just spent the better part of the night hurling invectives.
>>
>>39532369
Click on the post id to reply, or use two >>
>>
>>39532369
You seem to be ignoring this, so I'm going to make it very clear for you:

>you haven't meaningfully interacted with this girl much if at all.

>you haven't meaningfully interacted with this girl much if at all.

>you haven't meaningfully interacted with this girl much if at all.

i didn't think i had to point this out to you, but I guess I do. It's because of this that it's clear you're just childishly infatuated with this girl, and you have a hero complex to "save" her, and also to convince yourself to try. i mean, look at your excuses. if she rejects you, its okay, you "tried to save her". if she accepts you and then breaks up with you, its okay, because "you kept her pure for just a little bit longer". there's no discussion of your actual compatibility with this person, unsurprisingly.
>And frankly, I don't understand your unbridled hostility towards me. What did I do to you?
the only way you'll ever break your horribly unhealthy ideas about relationships is if someone straight up tells you, because it comes from lack of experience. if it comes off harsh, thats because it is, but you're way too old to be acting like this and need a quick dose of reality.
>>
File: IMG_1316.png (172KB, 389x343px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_1316.png
172KB, 389x343px
>>39529674
My fucking sides are in pain from laughing, holy shit!

I'm adding this story to my /r9k/ greatest hits of the year list. Dude your story is right up there with the likes of:

>sniff jizzer
>the Olive Garden sperg
and finally
>the 20k shitter

Congrats on making on the list my dude.

BTW is there any further update on sniff jizzer? I know that he was since outted on plebbit by his cousins friend. But has there been anything else?
>>
>>39530435
What kind of shitholes are you guys seeing? I live in NY in a house that's over a century old and has none of the problems listed.
>>
>>39532836
>>the Olive Garden sperg
i gotta know that story anon. lay it on me
>>
>>39533010
So I'll give the short of it because it was long, ok here we go:

>guys cousin is staying with his family because her parents were arrested
>his cousin is a total bitch
>she's always making snidey remarks
>they're at dinner at Olive Garden
>it's him, his mom, and his roastie cousin
>his mom is drunk and his cousin too
>they start making fun of him for being a loner shut in
>anon has some serious dirt on his cousin
>she's an actual prostitute
>he looses it and puts her
>she starts crying and his mom takes her side and tells him to say sorry
>he refuses and spergs out on his mom too for being a degenerate single mother
>he walks out of the restaurant to cool off
>he's calmed down an so did his mom and cuz
>mom still wants him to say sorry
>right as he's about to cuz makes another smart ass remark
>he goes off on them again
>he walks home
>>
>>39532836
What about the robot who dated a whore?
>>
>>39533116
holy shit that whole story was a ride. wonder what happned later
>>
>>39533116
*he outs her

Correction
>>
>>39530901
this was hard to read. shit bait.
>>
>>39533144
Yeah me too, sniff jizzer is still #1 though. Man what a mess that was.
>>
>>39529674
>get water on floor
>$20,000

What a shitty mememansion. Who puts wood in the bathroom anyway?
>>
>>39533206
I've never heard the tale of the sniff jizzer. Please tell it to me papa
>>
>>39533344
Oh man this is long, hold up gimme a bit I'll do my best to summarize.

It's worth it though it's a goddie
>>
>>39533344
>guys cousins father dies in accident
>cuz and her mom can't support themselves
>they move in
>his cuz moves into his room
>they put a make shift sorta wall to split the room
>obviously his cuz is super depressed and never leaves her "room" and just lays in bed and cries all day
>he hasn't jacked off in a long time because of this
>one day he comes home from school early
>calls out to see in anyone is home
>no response, no cars in garage or driveway
>goes up to his room and calls out his cousin
>no response
>holy shit I'm finally alone! Time to jack it
>watches porn on his laptop on loud volume
>he's jacking it
>he sees his cousins bra laying on the floor
>he commented on how she always smelled really nice
>he picks her bra up and sniffs it as he's jacking
>he jizzes huge load all over the place
>he looks over and sees his cuz just standing there staring at him
>he panics starts crying and runs out of the house to the park
>it's getting late, he decides to go home and face his doom
>his mom and aunt are in the kitchen chatting
>he says hey, they says hello back
>nothing? What?
>goes up to room
>his jizz has been cleaned up and his laptop was shut off
>wat?
>it was cuz, she spared him
>he says sorry and thanks
>thing are awkward between them obviously so they don't really talk to each other
>mom one day says bring cuz with you when you go out with your friends she could use some socializing
>he asks if she wants to go to gym with him and his friends
>she agrees
>her and one of his friends hit it off
>this is good news because now she'll actually leave the house so he can watch porn and jack it in peace
>at school people start giving him funny looks

Story will cont. in part 2
>>
>>39529674
>cousin has a wedding
>go to the church
>cuties everywhere
>ceremony ends everyone is going to the party
>before that everyone is standing up for a picture in front of the church. we are waiting for the photographer
>cuties from the family of the husband are talking to me, they are telling me how good I look in the suit
>w-well thanks y-you are gorgeous too
>they are giggle
>we are talking about stuff I am trying not to sperg out
>after the photo everyone is going to their cars to go to the party
>one of the cuties kisses me on my cheek
>"we will meet at the party anon"
>I get so nervous because I know I will fuck up
>I tell my parents I can't go because my stomach hurts and I will call a taxi and go home

I never wanted to kill myself so much then that time at home, sitting and thinking about what if..
>>
>>39533559
Part 2

>turns out a friend of the cousin browses r9k and sees this green text story and knows from the details who it is
>she spills the beans to everyone at school
>this story made it onto plebbit because one of the classmates copy pasted it there
>his mom is a plebbit browser and sees the reposted tale on plebbit
>he comes back on r9k the next night blaming r9k for this mishap
>everyone on r9k keks hard
>he spergs out and says he quits 4chan forever

Hahahaha
>>
>>39533559
>>39533650
Holy shit what terrible luck. I'd unironically kms if that happened or run away from home.
>>
>>39529674
>sims_in_a_nutshell.txt
>>
>>39533650
i hope this i real. i want this to be real. how could something like that even happen
>>
>>39529674
Fat ass murican floods a mansion with the power of shit
>>
all day everyday. id like to just fall over dead or just dissapear from the planet. i just cant an hero for some reason though but if someone was like "hey man want me to shoot you in the forhead until youre dead with a shotgun?" id feel euphoric but i just cant bring myself to do it, too intense and to many worries. my mom knew a guy who shot under his chin and has to be in a wheelchair now and she was just like "that was divine you know, god wanted him to suffer for being an idiot" and if i did it i just know thats the kinda shit theyd say that "hell have to answer to god blah blah".

it probably sounds ridiculous saying i wanna die but cant do it out of worry but one day when im like 50 and my parents are dead and bo obe will notice me gone from home even weeks at a time i might go in some woods and hand cuff myself to a tree with a pistol but no food or water

i just feel like i dont like anything besides smoking or chewing tobacco but ive quit since i dont want cancer but it was a relaxing thing to do
Thread posts: 108
Thread images: 13


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible.
Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/


If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
DMCA Content Takedown via dmca.com
All images are hosted on imgur.com.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoins at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties.
Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site.
This means that RandomArchive shows their content, archived.
If you need information for a Poster - contact them.