/general feels/

>>39518702
Thinking about lunch right about now. Anyone got any suggestions?

Money, man. Money.
Me and the gf are moving to Europe from North America in Janurary for university (I'm doing PhD, she's doing Masters) and even though we have our documentation, visas, financial guarantees and all that, I'm still constantly thinking about it. Anxiety isn't fun.

I'm in fucking hell rn because it's labor day, a Monday, and I have to work.

I'm a dishwasher, which means my day is utterly FUCKED because of the massive blitz of food and shit heading my way.

I only got an hour until my gauntlet begins and I don't even know if one of my coworkers is coming in today.

In other news, my nurse coworker's bra is showing, and it's a big one. My dick is also thirsty.

That being said, my sexual desires are superceded by the sheer internal rage and fear I have for today.

>>39518702
I want to go to a hooker tomorrow, but I am to lazy to leave the house.
2lazy2fuck

>>39518702
I think about the same shit everyday, same worthless thoughts that keep me down. So much time wasted thinking about the same things.

Feeling like I care too much about what everyone else in the world thinks.

On one hand I hate everyone I've ever met and have no friends and no family connections and like it that way... On the other hand I can't seem to have normal interactions or succeed at anything because I get anxious.

Not a total neet.. gf is a 7/10 lawyer at a really good firm.

Any tips? Am I looking at the world the wrong way? I feel worthless.

>>39518809
Please just go away. You are the exact opposite of a bot

>>39518702
I don't know how I'll manage to show up at work tomorrow. I'm drinking and smoking instead of doing anything nice tonight.

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>>39518809
>me and my gf

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm scared that everyone I try to be friends with will be pushed away by me.

>>39518755
Go get get a nice philly cheese steak

My life is for the most part over.
The only person I ever actually loved and ever genuinely loved me gradually left me, is now with a friend, who turned into a massive fucking asshole about it, along with all my other friends, who are glad to see me rot.
And I had one last shining opportunity to turn everything around that was so fucking surreal that it makes my soul ache at levels I didn't even know could exist, but I fucking blew it. I blew an opportunity that comes once in a thousand years because I misjudged a situation too quickly, now I can barely think, my entire life is speeding backwards, and I have entered the gates of Hell for the rest of eternity.
But you are my friends now, I guess. Maybe.
I wish I had some other emotion other than ferocious guilt gnawing at my chest and spine but I don't, and I likely never will.

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>>39518702
Just wondering how much longer I have to keep working this retail position before I get the chance to leave and pursue a career in journalism/photojournalism.
Also feeling an intense rage at how modern society has been slowly killing journalism. I feel like the only goddamn person on this entire planet who still reads print and not online articles written by a blogger, promoted by either biased media outlets or nu-politicians who are trying to push an agenda. Anyone can become a journalist now so true journalism has become a dying field.
I want to be a journalist and/or photojournalist, but the career outlook is so fuckin grim.

>>39519057
Man that sounds good. Thanks for the suggestion.

Thinking about how much I want to be intimate with someone and feeling lonely. I just want to someone to hug she doesn't have to be a 10/10

>>39518809
You're going to Europe with your gf... you have absolutely nothing to be sad about
>but muh anxiety
Fuck off, normalfag

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>>39519303
I share this feel. At the same time I'm somewhat scared of intimacy. It's a complex and conflicting feel.

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>>39518809
Where are you going?

Eurofag here

>>39519070
My story is kinda similar. All my close friends ghosted me for years because of a small mistake I made, and I wasn't even 100% responsible for it. Basically I overreacted to the shitty behavior of a friend and everyone took her side. I tried to fix it for a long time and things are kinda ok now but I'm still walking on eggshells all the time and she still hates me. People don't forgive you when you're a robot.
Anyway, just wanted to tell you that iktf.

>>39518984
my gf is a business owner, 7.5/10.

FUCCCCCCCCCCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

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>>39519663
forgot pic related. this quote is my mantra since the day I heard it.

I watched The Matrix for the first time last week and I have a huge crush on Agent Smith.

His disregard for humans and desperate need to get out of a human body is really cute to me. He is handsome and I like his hair. I want him to desperately fuck me while voicing his frustration towards the sexual desires of his human form.

I went out and almost bought a pair of stupid sunglasses because they reminded me of him.

I'm sick and I feel like shit.
Also I did some stupid shit on the weekend and I have to deal with it now. Nothing big, but I hadn't done stupid shit in a while so it's a bit sad to go back to bad old habits. Besides, I've wanked a lot lately and I've been lazy as fuck, so I'm feeling kinda guilty.

Life is good tho.

>>39519751
I'm also just distressed by the fact I can never find love again, not natural love anyway. This will haunt me forever, through lives, I will never end up where I was.

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Meh, just the usual. Working in a good job which I enjoy but it feels so empty the moment my foot hits my floor.

I have 300 matches on tinder or so and yet everytime I try to be myself and open myself up I either get unmatched or blanked.

Games just don't feel as fun anymore now that I can't smash them all day to forget my woes.

So yeah pretty okay.

>Tfw 6523 days without bf.
>Tfw no one to love.
>Tfw listening to music about love and affection,
>Can't imagine what it's like dammit.
>I can't understand.
>I wanna feel love, I wanna be loved.
But I guess not.

>>39520924
>300 matches
Is this normal for tinder users or are you just really good looking?

t. someone who wants to try tinder

>>39520966
Well my friend who's a rugby playing Chad (but is actually awesome) has 2000 or so, I think if you're ugly you'd probably get a lot less than even me, my /tg/ hobby friend had like 20 in 10 months. For reference - Northern Britbong

>>39518809
>More yanks (and yank lites) moving over here.
Please leave your horrible accents at the airport. thats all I ask.

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>>39519178
Work alone, get urself in danger because of super secret organizations that you work on. Release your documents, get hyped as a great journalist and someone making the world a better place, eventually die because of suicide with two bullets in your head

That's my plan anon. I want to damage corporations who obviously have shady shit going on and then off my life. At least I have done something then

>>39519178
It fucking is. I want to be a Journalist too, but I`m fucked because I`m neither a SJW, pop fadder or "alt righter" who will harvest clicks from the opposite views, by pissing them off.
What I hate is how some people still say that theres room for growth with in the industry, and still a place for it but thats counting places like Buzzfeed and worse: social media jobs.
I just gave up, I`m just gonna get my qualifications and get some job working in a shop.

>>39520933
Which songs anon?

hey
anon here...
i don't know how i feel and never been able to express anything.......................
however
i'm constantly thinking about my career .......... it's so hard to have a normal job in this country, not planning on living here though...i'll finish my masters here and hope to go to another country...in europe or america maybe to finish my theses ............. hopefully i can make it..
what is really annoying me,is despite the fact that i'm working hard and trying my best...there's no garentee i'll be able to get what i always wanted
i'm trying to read as much scientific articles as i can, so i can be able to write some.......... in both languages English and French
also i'm planning to die trying this year...i'll make things work even if i had to sell my soul to the devil (implying i didn't already)..hopefully i'm not all talk
i have a successful friend that i look up to, they're awesome............they really are....... i wonder if i can be just like him.. i don't know...
i have a SO, they're awesome ........... they're perfect to me....bipolar.. but i consider that as a challenge..i want to accept them from the bottom of my heart and give them a home they never found...i'm a shit human being..i suck at everything and i have no motivation whatsoever ...however i won't loose ,i won't die alone..i'll make a home for myself , i'll get what every degenerate gets easily..fuck them to be honest..they're born with a shitload of money they don't have to think about anything........i'm sorry because i'm better than some people;but i'm kind of thankful...i'll try hard, i guess that's the only thing i can do right now........

>>39521500
Guessing your African?

>>39521809
hahaha yeah i am

why does every thread i reply to die . . .

>>39518702
I'm wondering if my illness will be diagnosed soon enough for me to retain/regain my hair, reverse my memory and cognitive issues, remove the mini tumors that I have all over my body(if they don't stop growing it's gonna hurt all over my body.)
I'm wondering whether or not I'll be alive in a few years and if so if I'll ever amount to something.
I'm thinking about all the people that I've hurt by being selfish, undisciplined and dishonest.
I'm thinking about what a bad person I am and if I can truly become the person I want to be.
I'm thinking about my ex from 4/5 years ago, the only person I've truly connected to in my life. I made out with my former onetis recently (no idea how that happend) and I felt nothing for her, it only made me more depressed, all I could think about was my ex.
I'm wondering if she'll still like me when she comes back to my country next year.

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>>39521860
whats your degree?
Just wondering. And "I`ll die trying" and determined mentality is good but I mean you still have to have a life, I cant quite say it well but for example I was really like you with my career and well I finally got to the level I was aiming for for so long but I lost all my friends on the way, now I wish I had them and not this position you know? Sometimes our goals blind us. Just something to think about you know. Dont make the same mistakes.

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I'm trying to change my life. Most of my life has been isolation and boredom, but I'm trying to change that. There have been a few fun things that happened in my life, like a trip to a seaside resort thing with people from my old school, and going out drinking on graduation night. When I get into college, or equivalent if I don't get in this year, I'll try harder to make friends this time, and hopefully I'll be invited to parties and things. Maybe I can make my own fun, maybe I can go out camping some time.

I'm thinking that maybe after this, I'd like to try a career in the air force. My main concern is that my eyesight might not be good enough- I'm not exactly blind without my glasses, but monitors look blurry without them and looking outside with them is like seeing at a higher resolution.

I can't fucking sleep. I've got like 4 hours total over the last 3 days. Been laying in bed for like 3 hours this morning and just can't fucking sleep despite feeling tired.

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Not gonna make it to winter. Going to die by my own hands this week.

>>39522119
i'll get my basic license in chemistry this year and then try to study masters in the same university

>I finally got to the level I was aiming for for so long but I lost all my friends on the way
>I wish I had them and not this position
1.friends don't last if you became a neet
2.if you kept your friends, and was a wageslave you'd really regret it, because you can always make new friends or get in contact with old ones, but you would never regain your lost years,nor your health for all that matters
3.if they didn't support you ; nor respect what you're doing they aren't real

i have two best friends and i'm trying to keep them no matter what,we understand that we're busy and know the importance of our studies, however we try to catch up once every few weeks you know

Alright so it's been almost 2 months since my only ex-girlfriend broke up with me. She let me experience the whole intimacy thing for the first time, from holding hands to sex, at the tender age of 26. She broke up after 3 months for a rather vague reason ("I feel obligated to be with you" she said). I'm still not entirely sure what to make of it. Maybe we're just too similar and too different in just the wrong ways. Both inactive, preferring to stay indoors, but no common interests aside from board games and only the most entry level video games. We simply ran out of stuff to do together. I'm guessing at some point she realized she wasn't looking forward to spending the weekend with me anymore and that's when she decided it was time for her to end it.

Today I had a little talk with her on normiebook because she started working at a new place and we're in a shared group of friends so we stay on good terms. In a conversation with one of our other friends she off-handedly mentioned she was still single. Gave me some strange feeling of relief because I had a nagging fear maybe she was already seeing someone else.

Anyway, she's still on my mind pretty much all the time when I'm idle, especially after talking to her (which I don't do often). My mind is conflicted. On one hand I cherish the idea of maybe coming back together, which is not even remotely likely to happen, but if we keep hanging out together it might not be entirely out of the realm of possibility. She loved me once, perhaps she can love me again. On the other hand, I don't know if that would do me (or her) any good in the long term. I've come to realize that I am not satisfied with the way I lived my life. Bringing that into a relationship wouldn't be fair. I want to improve myself first. Got a job, saving up for driver's license. Started working out at the local gym on a regular basis, losing weight and gaining muscle.

I'm gonna make it, bros.

>>39522298
>liscence in chemistry.
Your going to have no trouble getting a job mate, jobs in science particularily Biology and Chemistry are pretty good and open. And immigrating will be a lot easier with qualifications like that, at least to europe.

And yeah I didnt become a Neet. Nor was I wageslave, I just put a lot of work and effort in to getting to this job. I`m trying to patch it up with them, but I treated a lot of them like shit, but its the cost I deserve really.

Honestly I hope you get what you want anon. Goodluck.

>>39522504
thank you so much anon that's really comforting
thank you !
i won't disappoint you

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>no gf
>shit job
>depressed again

fuck i hate myself

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>>39518702
This girl I like thinks I'm a weirdo. Bout to overdose on some tylenol probably. Cya lads.

>>39522459

Stay positive like that and keep working to improve your life, we're all gonna make it.

Worried I won't get a job that reflects either my education or experience and will have to go back to retail, just like everyone told me I'd do with the degree I got.

I've pretty much made it and everyone is praising me for making it except for my oneitis which is my flatmate i thought she rejected me cause i was ugly and fat although we slept together and made out. She told me she doesnt want a relationship and is not ready for it and wants to be free during uni. Im a grown up man and still have crushes and fall in love and cant get over women. I made it from 280 lbs to 185 lbs with decent programm and diet and got fit af but still invisible to her.

I'm fucking afraid of failure. Just started a CS degree in literally the best uni in my shitty country, got in without paying a dime, but I barely made it. The statistics say that after the first semester a little more than half drop out.

I have this one chance, and if I fuck it up, i'm done. I'm a lazy fuck up who never expected to get this far. It doesn't help that I'm depressed, I feel like my brain has rotten away. I didn't even feel happy that I got into this university.

I just want to make something out of myself. If not with women or art, then a degree and a good job, so I can at least pay my parents back and make them proud.

The guys in here mentioning that their closest friends cut them out of their lives......this is my biggest fear. My two best friends are married now while I'm single. I work my ass off to stay in touch with them and at least once a month.

You have my sympathy and well wishes.

>>39521489
Sorry for the late reply frend.
https://soundcloud.com/olliemn/belated-valentines-day-ditty

https://soundcloud.com/olliemn/the-saddest-clown
This one isn't about love but it make me sad.

I think I'm actually depressed..for the longest time I kinda just thought that I was sad and depression was a meme but lately I've been feeling so devoid of energy I can't even get out of my bed a lot of the time..really sucks man

>>39523404
>Im a grown up man and still have crushes and fall in love and cant get over women

Crushes are normal at any age, anon. It's how you learn to deal with them that makes you a grown up.

>>39523404
Move on damn. You sound do beta. Come orbit my enormous dong instead chubby

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>>39518702
There's nothing on my mind other than pure transcendence.
I have already casted away all my earthly worries as I achieved nirvana.

Experience tranquility.

Money. I legit have $50 left after all bills & expenses. Real life hardship for real. Women & virginity are like the last things in my priority list right now. Thinking of selling my phone but I need it for job & internet.

>>39524173
>he has money left AFTER bills and expenses
>he somehow thinks its an actual issue

literally fuck off unless you get to the point where you have bills piling up

>>39519037
>implying that a gf would make you happy
I don't think so

But also
>>39518809
He is a fucking faggot

I have been thinking about how romantic love is not a possible thing by human beings, as everyone has this sort of "curriculum vitae" that their potential partners MUST comply with (women especially have this). It is getting to the point where even normie women say that "love doesn't exist".
Sort of related to this thought, is that how are women so turned off by anything less than hyperchad yet complain so much about "toxic masculinity" and "male chauvinism", and any sort of male that is any less agressive or "manly" than Chad Hypercock is disregarded to the point of even being feminized by women themselves.
I mean what if I'm a dude that doesn't care too much about facades or about being this dominant dude? I mean I am scared to death of even getting to punching someone, is that automatically a reason to invalidate my whole existence?
I would love with all my heart (and I'm still willing to) if only women allowed to be loved.
Maybe I sound too fedora or too reddit but I felt a sudden urge to express myself this way.

>>39524220
Okay, maybe I chose the wrong approach. I'm not american so my $50 equivalent left is for food & shop money. How am I supposed to last on $50 for a month?

>>39524458
you said after expenses implying these 50 bucks were pure savings

Thinking about entering the military, the problem is the narcos may kill my family if i do it

I can't stop thinking about her, and I think she likes me too. We've been texting constantly for the last month. But she has a boyfriend.

I've become super lonely.

I've been thinking about how dumb it is that people and the media place such a huge emphasis on virginity. Why should it be a bad thing that a guy isn't constantly seeking out sex? I hate how women bitch and complain until it's bad thing to call them a slut or bitch but men get fucking nothing. It hurts a little to be called a virgin. I'm not this way by choice, I've just been fucked up for most of my life and have trouble relating to girls. Losing virginity shouldn't be a goal and it doesn't make sense to make fun of someone for being a virgin.

I think it's good to wait until you find someone you love to have sex with them, I think that makes it more intimate.

I've been asked out 2 or 3 times, straight up offered sex at a party, and had so many missed opportunities to ask girls I liked out but I never capitalized on any of it. I used to not care but now I'm wondering if I'm even straight. I just can't seem to really connect with girls, they feel so distant from me. I'm definitely spending too much time on the internet, but I've been thinking about this. This sounds super cringy but I just want to be able to love someone.

>>39518976
Feels that I am acquainted with as well
The train is going in circles
God I hope so fucking bad that this is temporary

>>39519070
Shit I know that surreal turnaround feel. I also blew it and now I have no idea what to do. In fact it was so surreal I can hardly remember it and it's almost as if it never happened.

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Living requires so much effort. I sometimes wonder if it's worth it.

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IM ON METH AND I AM GOING REALLY FAST RIGHT NOW WOOOOO COME AT ME SHADOW PEOPLE U CANT FUX WID DIS

>>39518702
I keep thinking about how much I hate my life and myself.

>>39524694
I've been this way for over 3 years anon. The ride's just getting started kiddo.

>>39518702
Hope hurricane Irma fucks my shit up

>>39522146
>wanting to have friends
>wanting to party
You're already a normie because of your mentality and desires. Fuck off.

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Am I gay or do I just dislike women?

I'll separate my reasoning into a pro/con type of list.

Reasons I might be:
>I find dicks attractive big time
>I find some men attractive
>I think being gay is comfy and wouldn't mind it
>Have had legit crushes on multiple men
>Get super annoyed by girls, idk if I can handle a gf
>I feel more at peace when I think of getting a bf
>Vaginas don't turn me on anymore

Reasons I might not be:
>Maybe I'm shy and afraid of girls?
>I still find some women super attractive
>Had crushes on girls
>Maybe I'm just starting to hate women?
>Maybe I just have trouble relating to girls?

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>>39524957
I'm a failed normalfag, I'm welcome here. When I become a successful normalfag, I'll leave.

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>>39518809
>Means the gf
GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW

Just the constant underlying sorrow of being a faggot incel. College is shit too.

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>Be me
>Starved for female attention
>Develop crush on this qt Korean girl at my college
>Friends assure me that she's single
>Work up the nerve to ask her out, with their encouragement
>Wait one excruciating night and another even more excruciating morning for a response from her
>It turns out that she has a boyfriend

Fucking kill me lads. I'm tired of this and I can't go on much longer being eternally cucked by the universe. Help.

What do?

>>39524949
Same. North Carolina here.

>>39525073
oh shit im in the 336 where u at ncbot

>>39525044
Kill the bf

>>39525135
this is the only correct answer i see

>>39522459
>I'm gonna make it, bros.
yeah well i hope you dont normiescum

>>39525101
Uuuugh. I love his voice so much. I wish he would nonchalantly tell me how much humans smell and how dumb we are while he shoved his cock into my mouth.

>>39518702
Feeling like on the edge of something of which i can't escape. My brother killed himself after blowing his brains out. i'm scared of losing touch with people, when im alone like right now i feel like my hand is in a pit of fire and i can't remove it. i want to kill myself and i wouldve if my borther didnt beat me to it but i cant let my family live thru that pain...not again at least. One of his firends is a lot like me and i guess im trying to hold onto something but he doesn't want to be friends with me. i feel like everyone will start to desert me and also dont feel like this other guy actually wants to stay friends with me. i actually think he might have led to my brothers suicide, which very likely an irrational thought. idk how else i will know for sure if any of these people i can stay friends with especially since theyr not my friends. I feel like time is running out but i dont know why

it's my birthday today and only one person [family member] remembered. didn't get invited out ir anything. so i'll just drink wheat beer and hang out with you guys

>>39525254
Happy birthday dude, nobody should have to experience that.

>>39524979
Were you always attracted to men, or did this develop during/after your teenage years?

>>39524630
Do you feel any connection with males? It does not necessarily mean you're gay, some people cannot connect to anyone regardless of gender.

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>>39525254
happy birthday from a really high dude im sorry to hear about that one time i forgot my dads birthday and felt so bad then i remembered he was never around when i was a kid and always tried to pit me against my mom im on lil tweaked ramble here arent i wtf was i talking about i dont know oh ya my dad is a piece of shit thinks that my schizophrenia isnt a real disorder and that its just an excuse when i literally suffer everyday at the hands of it plus my polydrug addiction and at this point if he wasnt paying for my car id be like fuck off dude you feel me anyway dont do meth and happy birthday

>>39525000
You still don't belong. Give me another reason besides "I'm a failed normalfag"

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>>39525073
I said this out loud today, "I hope hurricane Irma comes and kills me and everyone else" and got admonished for the rest of the day and publicly shamed on Facebook (for something said privately, in person) by people that just the day before were saying that they don't give a shit about hurricane Henry survivors, and "fuck 'em" and laughing and calling them niggers.
These same cocksuckers are shaming me and saying how selfish I am for thinking this way. None of them called each other out for what they said about hurricane Henry and it all stayed private between them and us. Literally anything you say can be leaked and result in worldwide shaming. Can't trust anyone. They can say all the improper things they want and the one moment I open my mouth to say something that isn't basic and bare minimum, procedural speech or agreeing politely with something, I get fucked

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>>39525254
happy birthday anon! hope its better next year

I have a programming class tomorrow and that's pretty horrendous.
I don't even know if I want to do Electrical Engineering anymore...

i have no friends. when i did have friends one was a douche to me. i was hoping to help me change my life like going to the bar. he would cockblock me. i didn't really like working in retail him and his mom ruined it for me. mom called up complained about my bagging and friend ruined me cashiering. i didn't like cashiering because of anxiety.

>>39525268
>>39525331
thanks 4 the birthday wishes anons. It's honestly not so bad i just wish someone cared enough to have even a pity hangout w/ me

>>39525456
Start playing the guitar, that's my main hobby now :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC3ulAI1Wtk

>>39525476
dog im fuckin twacked but ill get in discord with u if u want

>>39525456
dog i can relate the only friend i have is this guy that sells me crank and wants to fuck me and if he straight up told me ill give u a discount id fucking do it id take his pole and insert in directly into my docking bay u feel

>>39518702
Hey same man. Gonna have to figure out how to live with myself soon. How are you thinking of dealing with it?

>>39525118
336 here too. Camel city represent

>>39525403
That's bloody bonkers my guy. Forget those clowns, they sound like rubbish people

>>39525221
There's so much about him that I want to know. Does he need sleep while in the Matrix? Does he need to eat? Can he eat for pleasure, does he even feel pleasure?
Is he plagued with human desire while trapped in the matrix? Does he fuck the other Smiths? Jerk off? Maybe he secretly enjoys pursuing humans.

I wish I could see what his robotic physical form looks like. I love his human manifestation, but I'm very interested in the potential robot on human tentacle sex we could engage in.

>>39525254
happy birthday from ncbot

>>39525619
ayy my fuckin guy das my guy right there u my guy glad to see you aint forgot the homeboy lol im white af and hallucinating all over the place lol

>>39525672
No worries senpai, I wonder how many other Winston bros are on this site

Stanleyville to be exact

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I found a girl on Omegle she's completely real no way I could be getting catfished.
She's literally perfect, dyed hair, hourglass figure, 5'0 cute as hell, loves anime, two years older than me
Three days before I go back to my second last year of high school she breaks up with me because it's long distance and it's too much for her. Rip me

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>>39525697
im right near winston downtown theres so many random niggers that walk by its crazy its like their asking me to buy crank from them shit

>>39525735
That's wild, rarely do I ever go downtown
From the sounds of it though that's probably a good thing

>tfw I have to be up at 5 in the morning to return to FoTech

I guess I'll be bidding goodnight to you and the other bros here. See y'all round.

winston represent

I met a robot that I ended up really liking alot. He seems to be increasingly busy lately so i wonder if I came across as too clingy. I also worry about things being different between us if we ever meet.
I have pessimistic thoughts and i feel unworthy of someone so qt.

>>39526057
Just talk to them senpai. Ask them about the busy thing. Dont be like a sad puppy about it though just be adult you know? Not saying I have the knowledge or exoerience but it makes sense no?

>>39526057
do you guys live close?

tfw the crank is making you post so fast 4chan gives you 30 second cooldown

>>39525403
That's retarded. I mean I'm ambivalent on defending your initial statement but the response is certainly inappropriate. I hate it when people whine about someone to another person. Like if you have a grievance just fucking talk to them shit. We're just human

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>>39518702
>watching teens drinking and smoking in the park by themselves
>that was me once

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>>39526295
I can feel this man. Friends and I would go on "adventures" where we just walked around to random places. We found a quarry once, would go down into the sewers. What changed? Why does it feel worse now? How do you think you be happy as an adult? Well now we could travel, but that's money I don't have.

>>39526191
Yeah i know I just don't want to come across as needy

>>39526207
I don't know about crank but no, we live a fair distance. Same country at least

>>39526400
long distance relationships are always sketchy amigo its just a matter of time til one of you meets someone close to you then decide youre better off with them

My father is such a fucking asshole and I want to give into my violence and sock him in the face. All I have to do is wait till December and my finances will be enough to get me out on my own two feet but fuck he makes so diffucult to not go "fuck you I'm leaving". I would be on the street if I did that

>>39521088
Americans don't have accents moron

21 M. The thoughts of suicide went from ''imagine that'' to something soothing at my lowest points. I think it's gonna be bad down the years after the losing the benefit of the doubt that maybe things'll get better.

>>39526379
>What changed?
Dad shot himself and I stopped being a teen.
Why does it feel worse now?
He didn't even say goodbye or let me know, I found him 2 days later with his head painted on the floor. That and knowing some of these teens probably have loving parents.
>How do you think you be happy as an adult?
Probably letting it go and finding someone to explore the rest of my life with.

>>39526447
Is giving into your desires such a bad thing? Just knock him out.

A few nights ago after I played a show, someone broke into my car and stole about $2000 worth of music shit. I mean it's my fault int the end for leaving it in there for a couple hours but it sucks. I don't live in a bad neighborhood at all I guess my guard was let down.

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It's been maybe ten, maybe eleven years since I talked to anyone other than my mother, who's only there occasionally to drop off money and ask how I've been. I've been on 4chan for a long time, but some days I think I'm talking to fake people. I completely forgot the art of normal conversation and I can't maintain a single one. It's not that I'm awkward, it's just that I literally cannot say anything. I forgot how to talk. I can still make noises with my mouth but it's weird, demented, like a deaf person talking...

When I talk to people online I feel like I'm just talking to different personas of myself. I don't know what it is but I think I died a long time ago and I'm just in purgatory now.

>>39526432

We're not dating at this point and i know that. Fug these feels

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>>39526447
my father is a complete ass too so i sympathize with you.
>come to florida to visit dad as a surprise
>instead of welcoming me he grills me on "why the fuck i came there"
>forces me to go see the family on his side that i couldnt care less about
>later admit to him i had a pill addiction
>treats me like trash and tells me if he had found me with pills he wouldve beat me
>get schizophrenia (not surprising as it runs in my moms side of the family combined with my drug use)
>dad thinks im making it all up because i dont want to work or go to school (literally told my psychiatrist that hes not convinced mental illness is real)
ya hes a real class act but he pays for my car and that shit has air conditioned seats so whatever i live states away from him now with my mom

>>39518702
Thinking about how I am completely unable to enjoy things. I have no dreams, no hopes, no passion. Everything I do, including leisure, I do it because I have to. That's what people does. It's not that I wish to leave everything behind and go on adventures or anything. I don't have the slightest interest in that. Or in anything else.

>>39526620
Do you hate him?

>>39526546
This makes me very, very sad.

>>39526546
the fact that people like you exist amazes me.

>>39526729
yea i do, if he wasnt paying for my health insurance (which is a lot cause muh disabilities) and my car id have nothing to do with the guy. when i was a kid he would show up to visit me once every 3 months or so buy me something expensive to try to win my affection then just leave as if he had done his duty as a parent. He basically chose his work (he makes well into the 6 figures at a finance company) and his new family that he married into after my mom divorced him over me. all he really does is try to control me when he doesnt understand a damn thing about me hes hispanic too so now i hate spics even though im half spic so thats cool

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>>39526546
i feel sort of like this but ive only been NEET for 3 years, i probably have a future of neetdom in front of me and that makes me want to an hero sometimes and sometimes it feels really good to not have financial burdens but its just i dont know. so empty

>>39526821
Are you happy with the way things are going in your life with your mom?

>>39526923
yea my moms been with me through thick and thin shes my #1 supporter we talk a lot and she just cut my dad out of her life and i dont blame her at all hes such a prick. when my mom had psychosis while they were in college together he just treated her like she was a freak then when she had whatever depression its called after you have a baby he basically gave her the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps champ" sphiel but anyway yea my mom is very good to me and she used to be an alcoholic so she sympathises with my drug problem. my grandad is the one that really pays for me and my moms living expenses (my moms a neet too hasnt always been but is now)and unfortunately hes gonna be passing of cancer soon but with the inheritance and his investments he made from owning an electrical supply company hes basically set us up for life which is something im so grateful for because of all my mental issues i know i couldnt hold a job but anyway yea thats the corena family canon

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I think I'm in love with my best friend. I can either confess my feelings and come out of the closet, ruining the relationship I have with my family and possibly have the man of my dreams, or do nothing stay safe and hurt.

>>39526515
My condolences anon. I haven't dealt with a lot of death but my best friend's dad had an autoimmune disease that attacked his heart and lungs.
He's got a gf and lives with some of his friends and is about to graduate now.

>>39526546
You could try reading aloud or talking along with a podcast maybe?

I'm going to drop out of college tomorrow probably. I never wanted to go to college in the first place, but it's what my mom wanted me to do and sometimes I just go along with things to make my life easier at the time. I went for a year and didn't pick a major because I have no idea what to do with my life. The college I'm going to is somewhat expensive and I realized that I can't just keep going aimlessly spending a shit ton of money. I hate college, but at the same time going to college just seems like a good thing to do and makes people see you in a better way. I feel like after I drop out people aren't gonna see me the same way. I'm also scared that I won't be able to get a real job in the future

>>39527111
I don't like my stepdad. He's not awful but the few times we do interact he's been kind of a cunt. I know I should help out more but if you're going to act like an asshole about it I'm not going to care, so I'm kind of an asshole too. Have you tried just talking to him? I've had this idea of "just talk" cause what else is there? Although as far as my stepdad I feel like it would be about how he's a workaholic and I see work as throwing your life away. I don't know if I can handle 40 a week but now I've reached a point where if I'm not on 4chan I go hey I did something.

>>39527456
Hmm, dont know what to say about it. I think the problem was going without knowing what you wanted to do in the first place. Goos luck anon, I hope you do better than me

>>39527456

That's what I did, now I'm 27 and still not making shit. Go from job to job to job, each one sucks and doesn't pay. My high school friends are all working career type jobs, have gotten married and have kids on the way. Don't be like me, pick something like STEM and just push through it cuz there ain't shit out here if you don't have a degree. Or join the military.

>>39527539
when i try to sit down and talk to my dad he always turns it back on me and emphasizes the fact that im a failure because of my disabilites and innability to "get a 4 year degree and actually contribute something to society" which is a pretty naive world view lets be honest. at this point i think he cares more about my step sister (who he never told me is actually my half sister or not) than he does about me cause shes about as normal and uninterresting as spic stacies come. but im sorry to hear about your stepdad believe me i know how rough it is when someone youre not even related to comes barging in like theyre the damn mayor or something

>>39527802
Ja feel. I'm just suggesting alternatives, but it's not like I have all the answers. I guess the cliche advice is that it isn't worth it, especially if there's a light at the end of the tunnel. What do you get the bux for?
Why do you think that worldview naive? I mean it's one thing if some retail bitch is giving you that talk lol.

>>39518702
I keep thinking about this bit of music that was recorded in early 2001. A pre 9/11 world when I was a kid.

Time moves so fast. This summer just sped right past me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZuikjeK6Do

>>39528180
>This summer just sped right past me.
Totally. June and July I worked 6 days a week, August was kinda fun but it felt like it was 10 days long.

>>39522778
>no one responded to this
didn't get expect this sort of feel

I've lost 17 pounds in the past 4 weeks by doing Weight Watchers. Now I'm at 203, and I have 68 more pounds to go until my goal. Also finally gonna start working out tomorrow to preserve what little muscle mass I have. Wish me luck, rowboats.

I would like to permanently move on from the current girl I am infatuated with. Unfortunately, I have to see her regularly for at least the next year so this will be rough, and I definitely need to meet a new girl and hopefully acquire one of those magical relationships.

Homework.
It's my first semester of college and the sudden workload has me thrown off. I miss not having obligation, how do I get that back?

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>>39528619
I didn't do it brah, fuck a bitch. Hoes ain't sheit.

>>39528809
good on you anon. time is the great healer

>>39518702
I feel like im standing over the line of normie and robot, and everyday I want to take the decisions that would lead me to the life I desire so much, and yet I come back here and do nothing about it. I go to college, I love my family, I have friends who support me, hell, I thiink it wouldnt be that hard to get a girlfriend if I actually tried, and yet im this 22 y/o KHV loser who may or may not lose another two college courses this week because he didnt study/made his homework.

My mom just told me to kill myself tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is also my 24th birthday

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>>39518702

Here's a tip for you from a Boomerfag--

You will NEVER let go of your past failures--even in your 50s you will remember humiliating things that happened to you in 4th grade and think "WHY????"

You just have to remind yourself that nobody else remembers them.

I get really sad when I think about my first and only kiss.
She made me feel like I was at the center of the earth and that I belonged.
Turns out she was just drunk and didn't really care.

>>39518702
Seasons are changing, which always fucks me up without fail. Especially the transition from summer to fall. I think out of all the seasons, I feel the least out of place in fall. The light just takes on this soft quality of dusky twilight that makes it feel perpetually like I've overslept yet again and have 3 hours at best to frantically make the best of a nearly wasted day. It's less harsh on my eyes and feels intimately familiar.

I work now, so I don't have that dread of going back to school. Shit never lets up now. Now that I don't have school, though, this time of year is just a reminder that I'm getting older--further out of touch with people my own age as much as the ever increasing number of people with younger bodies, quicker minds, and more untainted ambition than me .

>>39524458
Buy in bulk man, pasta and rice are huge, pack lunches and don't eat oht

>>39528984
Fuuuuuuck man, I dont know why but I feel you, part of the reason I may still be a KHV beta, I just want my first anything to be special and with someone I can trust, its fucking sad that most people around you dont care about it.

>>39518870
Fellow dishwasher who had to work today, hope you had a good shift man

Pussy shit but I don't care.

She was my best friend for a while before we became romantic. We split a year ago. My fault. She said she wanted nothing to do with me by the end of it all, then got a new boyfriend within a couple months.

It fucked me up badly but I ended up getting over it after months. But a couple weeks ago she messaged me asking if I was doing okay. Then I find out she split up with her boyfriend around that same time.

And now it's all fucking starting to come back and I don't know whether to respond. We haven't spoken since last October when she said she didn't want to hear from me anymore. I don't know what she wants from me. And after feeling so good for so long this has come as a surprise and it's fucking me up a bit.

>>39528715
why do you need to move on from her? does she know you like her?

>>39529220
Don't do it man. You're her second choice. Have more self-respect than that.

>>39518702
I'm tired and thinking of how much I hate college. Thinking of how I've lost touch with most of my old HS friends. Thinking of how awful I feel for ruining things with the coolest girl I've ever met in years. Listening to our music playlists and lamenting.

>>39529077
I wish you the best of luck, anon.
It will all be worth it.

>>39529220
don't get attached, have sex if it's available

>>39529240
She's in a relationship with a fuccboi who doesn't allow her to speak to guys or befriend guys. We used to email very often and got rather close (in the same grad cohort and both of us come from identical backgrounds.)

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>>39518702
>can't let go of the past and every single day of my life think about how unhappy I was in high school and how badly I fucked my life up because of my depression arising from the way I was treated back then
>look up people who wronged me on Normiebook
>they all look happy and probably don't even remotely give a fuck about me or are sorry about the way they rejected, bullied, or ignored me
>they're all carrying on about their lives and actually more or less successful and marrying in their early-mid 20's
>meanwhile, I'm broke as fuck, working a shitty job where I barely get any hours making $9 an hour, still living with my parents, don't have a car, and can't go back to school until I pay off my student loans
>I'm also a virgin who's never had a single gf
>wondering what exactly led to my current circumstances, if I'm just fundamentally broken or just extraordinarily unlucky in, just for one example, being incredibly unable to find a job up until this year

I just want to make money at the moment so I can be "normal", live away from home and have my own car. It's what's been filling almost my every waking moment and my primary drive for the past couple of years now. To that end, I've been saving my money, looking for a second job, making every excuse I can to save every fucking penny I have.

I've also been feeling alienated from everybody else because no one I've ever met has had the same tastes in vidya, music, movies, etc. I'm fucking surrounded by plebs and casuals, and it fucking kills me. I just want to meet someone I can share my tastes, thoughts, and opinions on shit with IRL without them turning my music off when I show them what I've been listening to or rolling their eyes at me when they listen to nothing but shitty mainstream pop.

>>39529440
It cant be that hard to not find turbo normies. Go to a game store that has magic tournaments or some shit. Where do you live dude? Stop caring about basic bitches, but don't become that asshole who judges people he doesnt know

>>39529859
Yeah, I'm going to start going to fighting game tournaments and seeing if I can find friends like me that way. When I get money, I'm also going to start going to live music shows and shit, which I've never really done.

>>39518702
How bored and self censoring I am now.

I used to give no fucks what happened

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>>39518702
Career. I am 22 and Im running out of time.
I was attempting at making a youtube channel, but now Im not sure if I want to do even that. I need to figure out a career plan fast.

I would give anything to start my life over. I'd set my self on fire or die from a thousand cuts if I could just start over and retain the smallest knowledge I do now. I dream about it all the time.

>>39530345
Who's this qt2d grill?

I want to kill women and harvest their bodies so much it's been getting hard to leave the house. I mean, I don't actually want to kill them I just get this urge whenever I see a pretty girl out there and it's hard to ignore it

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>>39530428
Fanart of Lili from Tekken

>>39524766
This guy seems cool
Let's hang out sometime

>>39530756
yea now that im further into this meth binge i kinda regret the relapse but cant undo what ive already done now can i

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Why does Yahweh put more girls into my life that are exactly like my oneitis. I mean its nice to talk with people like her then it usually results in the same thing.

>>39530785
That's the thing about binges eh. Want to stop because you know you should but if stop you will be back to square one and all the progress you made was pissed away.

Still when ever I relapse I tell myself it's ok and it ain't the end of the world. Come down don't hate yourself and get back on the wagon.

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>>39530975
yea youre right thanks for telling me that i was starting to hate myself even more than initially required amount to do meth

>>39518755
buy a can of beets and eat them with a fork, it's healthy and cheap if you pour out the water with the excess sodium

>>39518809
I hope you both get blown up by Mohammed.
Unless you're both white nationalists, which I doubt.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD? IS THERE A CHEAT CODE THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT? WHY CAN'T I BE A NORMIE?
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I used to be a shit neet. I never ate, I slept rarely, I just sat in my room and did absolutely nothing but lie around and wait to die. A few years ago I tried to overdose, my brother found me and took me to a hospital. After a stay in a mental institution I promised my family I'd try and find something worth being alive for. I "turned my life around". Got a job, made like 2 friends, even had a gf. But no matter what I did or what I do, how many things go "right" in my life, I still feel horrible inside. I have no desire for any of this, I thought that if I tried I'd be happy but I'm not. Now, I feel the same as I did when i did nothing, except i'm not allowed to do nothing anymore. I have a job, I have bills to pay, I have people I have to communicate to and associate with. I'm never alone anymore.

I'm thinking that no matter what I do to "fit in" as a normal functioning adult, I'll never really understand it, and I'll never be happy. I'm thinking that I want to be happy and I don't know how

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>>39532472
being alive sure is painful, right?

>>39532511
Are some people just not meant to be happy? I feel like the past few years have done nothing but give me more things to be unhappy about. I've been drinking a lot more lately, a coworker of mine joked about me being an "alcoholic" when I told him that I drink every night before I go to bed to help me sleep

I feel like shit and I'm probably going to die soon. I have some serious issues with my digestive system and I need surgery but in no way can I afford it.
My job fired me last week because of my condition and I live in a shitty right to work state so I have no workers rights and now I'm screwed financially and can't even afford the $200 medication that helps me feel better.

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>>39532569
who knows. ive tried to find happiness through both substances and sobriety but it always eludes me somehow

>>39532628
that sounds awful im sorry youre having to go through that. id offer my help but i cant even help myself anymore so ;_;

Almost 30, have no career or money to show for it. Fucked around with college after military, got a bullshit chemistry degree in the hope of going pharmacy, but I'm beginning to accept that that's not what I want to do, so pretty much starting from square one. I thought by now I'd be married with several kids. Constantly regret not dating a specific girl in high school, always run scenarios through my head about what if, maybe id be married with kids, i don't know.

>>39532794
Thank you for caring anon. <3 On the bright side I don't need food because I can't keep anything down.

>be 27, about to start a new job in a big city away from my hometown

>obviously a little nervous I might fuck it up but managing to keep a cool head

>other than that, I've always had a problem with my lips being dry, chapped and peeling, gonna dry pounding water on a regular basis to hopefully have normal lips and speak normally

>also my sister is 32 years old, living with our parents and a longtime NEET, clearly mentally ill. I worry more and more as time goes on that I share genes with her

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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
wanna scream

>tfw somehow got a management position at work
>tfw now overseeing over 40 people
>tfw I heard one of them introducing me to one of the people the other managers hired
>"here's our boss"
>i'm just a 24 year old kid

i don't know what the fuck i'm doing

>>39532975
leave some chapstick in your car

I apply some on my way to work almost every day

works wonders

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>almost 27
>all i have is a shitty job i work one day a week at
>nobody even likes me there

>had a happy period over the summer but now slumped back into depression after i was convinced it could never happen again
>becoming distant from friends because i can barely communicate with them. can't even have a conversation man
>genuinely feel too mentally incompetent to succeed in life when i leave home
>22
>feel like this necessitates suicide
>wanna just gap overseas for a bit then walk into the desert or something

>>39532975
>clearly mentally ill
What's her diagnosis?

meth relapse anon here. ran out of the stuff a few hours ago absolutely not buying more. its time for me to get some sleep. god speed robots. we're all gonna make it

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>>39533328
none of us are going to make it. this isn't a place that people come back to, just to share happy stories about how they 'made it.' it's a garbage board, filled with garbage people whose only solace is talking with others about how garbage we all are. it's a vicious cycle of self-destruction, and none of us will escape it forever. it doesn't get better. it will never get better.
the best any of can hope for is to cling to each other and delude ourselves into hoping, praying, for these feels to leave for a little bit. just a bit.

>>39533262

Nothing specific, it just seems to be a combination of slight autism, low IQ and a bitchy, confrontational personality

>>39518702
I feel so alone. I have no friends at all, not even online friends. I spend every waking moment browsing this site. I have no interests or hobbies.
I just want to end it all. My mother is the only reason why I'm not doing it. And she's relatively young (late 40s) so she's not dying anytime soon. I don't know what to do.
Just wanted to get this off my chest.

>>39533482
Welcome to the club. Based on your description, you're a textbook robot.
Try to not take solace in that.

>>39533482
>not even online friends
Online friends is a meme. To truly develop friendship you have to have real life memories with them.

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>watching a 10 viewer girl streamer
>she's below 5', skinny, with massive cow udder titties
>drunk as a skunk
>has a personality nearly identical to my old high school oneitis
>feeling nostalgic and depressed watching her
>she then proceeds to knock her drink straight over her computer

Made my night a lot better.

>>39533501
I know. My post sounded pretty much like everyone here. Even though I don't browse this board as much as I used to.
>>39533567
But what if that's the only way I can talk to other people who aren't my mother? For most of the time I don't mind not having friends, but sometimes, like now, it really hurts. I guess I have to accept the fact that maybe I'm not capable of having a friendship. I can't even hold a conversation with my sister.
/rant I guess. Thanks for reading, robots. And sorry if any typos, English is not my first language.

>>39533652
>I can't even hold a conversation with my sister.
Why? I mean she's the closest person besides mom.

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What's on my mind?
>loneliness
>failure
>why can't I regain motivation?
>future looks very uncertain
>can't stop thinking about Piety/Chara
>why don't I ever see my friends anymore?
>why don't I ever see my family anymore?
>why do I keep pushing people that care about me away?

>>39533733
>>can't stop thinking about Piety/Chara
Stop being orbiter.

>>39533788
Not even orbiting. They have been extracted from mine life.

>>39533663
We don't get along well I guess. We have nothing to talk about. Also, she's the total opposite of me. Outgoing, friendly, extroverted, has a lot of friends.

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Why did everyone I know have their future planned out and have a target to pursue when we were young? I was better behaved and did all my work while they screwed about, but they're the ones making headway in their lives while I'm rapidly stagnating. I've got one year left of my meme degree, then I'm stuck in the real world... And I have absolutely no idea what I could do for a living.

>>39533810
So you take after mother or father (being introverted)?

>start new job a few months ago
>work nights at grocery store
>think I'm doing ok work, generally
>boss seems to like my work
>same with one of the managers
>some things can be improved, of course, but I'm still newish

>lead hand came in this morning
>(i work 9pm to 6am weeksays; he works 5-2 today)
>anyway, I'm off doing some facing to kill the last 10 minutes of my shift when the front hand comments on how the deli staff took two smoke breaks in 20 minutes
>he said something like "don't know why we have nights, when the morning crew gets just as much done in a couple hours as the night crew does all night"

I'm not sure how to take it. Pretty sure it wasn't directed at me, as he was quite impressed with my work about a month ago. I'm sure he'd tell me if he had any issues with my work, but whatever.

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>>39518702
>had serious health issues last year during 3rd semester of uni, missed most of it and half of 4th semester
>now owe 8 classes that I'm retaking right now in September
>take one exam and do well I think I might have passed
>a few days later realize that during the 3rd semester because of my surgery and other issues I forgot to register for the classes
>took the exam for nothing
>will still owe the 4 classes at least till January when I can actually retake them after actually registering
why am I so retarded

and even worse, whydo I hardly care

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>>39518702
I fell for some dumb bitch and drank so hard I had to go to rehab. Completed rehab, desperately unhappy sober. Fell promptly off the wagon and realized what a dumb ass I was again for falling for some useless bitch I literally forget and don't care about in no time.

Riddled with debt, desperately trying to get my life together and sort my debt out but it's a bit of a tar pit to escape.

geopolitics haha big brain

>>39529440
m8 what the fuck is normal even. normal dies with the boomers sorry to say. our generation cannot buy house with yard. we are condemned to rent and live in shitty apartments for the rest of our lives owning very little and having no friends and no working social mobility. when are you people gonna wake up and realize we're living in the fucking dark ages here, stop trying to be happy start trying to fix this shit. The reason you're so god damn depressed is because it's too hard to be happy, you have to do too much, it's fucked up and it's not your fault, the world has just gone insane, it continues to put up that expectation of normalcy, through media mostly, but it is simply not there anymore. The only ones who have it are the rich and they are also the ones who make it seem like other people can have it.
Just accept your fate as a martyr, give up vidya and start writing your magnum opus.

>>39518702
I fell for the college/uni meme. I should've just act stupid ever since I was a little kid. My parents were proud of me when I was little, my grades were all good, it all went to shit during high school. I didn't get straight A's like they expected of me, regardless I got into a good class but then dropped to a lower level class the next year. This is where they should have realised I'm an incompetent fuck. Then I got another great result from another standardized test, only got 1B and 9A's, which I don't deserve because our batch got lucky and got the questions and answers to the exam questions, it was a matter of who could memorize better, instead of who learnt more. I got into kind of an ivy league college, and ended up with a 2.6 CGPA, I managed to pass all my subjects but they were all literally one mark from failing. Now I'm in university, which my dad has to pay out of his own pocket, because I chose this programme, Architecture, instead of Computer Science in a public uni, which is subsidized, so I could just fuck up without having to care about money. I'm lagging behind and I know I am going to fail this semester but I can't drop the course because I'm already 2 years in, and my dad has spent around 40k. All my siblings who did worse in school than I did are doing great, getting an average of 3.5gpa per semester, which makes me feel so much more incompetent and useless. I'm already comparing myself to my peers, now I have to come home and compare myself to my own family. The worst part is that they won the genetic lottery while I didn't. I had brains going on for me, well not anymore. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't talk to people about my problems because of lack of friends and if I did have friends, they could never relate to my problems.

>lying down to sleep
>roll on my side
>see a giant tick running at me
>nope.jpg
now im wondering if i aint got a tick somewhere that i cant see

I hate being around people and greatly enjoy being alone, yet I feel envious of those with a group of friends to rely on and fall back to

Going to college next year and unsure whether I really want to do this or not
Can't remain a neet forever but it still feels scary and weird

>>39518702
I live in the third world and I'm poor, unemployed.

>dad tells me to go out more
like my brother who's borderline alcoholic? or like my sister who's 15 and probably slept with more 20 year olds than any of us?
why say something like that? i'm saving like a motherfucker because he didn't bother to have more than a couple of hundred bucks for my drivers license, after that i was on my own and he has the audacity to demand i pay rent and blow my money on parties

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this thread is useless. no one is going to ever reply to anyone else. there are too many people on this board that desperately need to vent to someone else, but not enough people even capable of listening.
god.
im so tired.

>>39522288
Wait for the snows Anon.

>>39524590
Find a way to challenge him to a fight, and train hard, then destroy him.

stayed at girls place 5 nights out of the week last week, love spending time with her and hanging out. think about her a lot but i dont know if she feels the same we never talk online and aah oof ow

>>39518702
Afraid that I'll continue past patterns of behaviour--cycles of long lasting depressive episodes that are effectively sabotages my progress in life. Afraid that I will use or haved used depression as an excuse for laziness.

>start speaking to girl late last year
>already kinda knew eachother
>talk all day every day
>become really close friends
>months pass and I get strong feelings for her
>one night when I'm hammered and shes drunk we talk
>she says out of the blue "I love you"
>I'm shocked and reply with "I love you too"
>keep going back and forth saying "I love you more"
>end of the night comes and we're both sobering up
>I ask her if she meant what she said earlier
>she says "I cant really remember, I dont think so"
>feels shit man
>really awkward the morning after and for a few days
>week later she goes to a party
>she takes a guy home with her and he sleeps over
>she keeps sending pics of me and her
>she goes to the cricket that night with him
>I get insanely upset
>I loved her so much and this happens
>so upset that I feel disorientated
>I tell my close friends I'm going to commit suicide
>one of my friends girlfriends talks me out of it
>feel the most depressed I've ever felt in my life for next week
>cuts arm because I can't feel anything
>hurts like a bitch
>I start smoking copious amounts of weed every night to forget about her
>get to a point where I smoke so much I feel stoned 24/7
>lung capacity disappears entirely
>mental state dies
>I look at myself in the mirror and I look so sick that it makes me throw up
>I eventually move on but never lose feelings for her
>she gets into relationship with that guy but I feel to stoned to give a fuck

>I smoke heavily and drink heavily every night for four months
>do permanent damage to my brain
>can't concentrate on anything

>half a year later she messages me
>she broke up with her boyfriend a couple weeks ago
>go straight back to talking everyday
>go back to being really close
>what the fuck am I doing

Slowly starting to remember that no matter what I do people will leave my life. This fact hurts and I feel as though there's nothing I can do to change it. Honestly wish I would just go to sleep and never wake up because I'm such a loser

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>>39536608
It's an endless cycle my friend, love is one of the craziest things. Honestly I hate having emotions they make me act outside of my logic, at the same time I enjoy these said emotions. Except when they bring me unreal amounts of pain that I cannot explain

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>>39518702
In my dorm room. Shits awful. I can t help but feel bad, bored, surrounded by normies. Uncofortable stomach pain, and I hate typing on a laptop. Yesterday I talked with an american girl and she was nice. Today a cute thai girl looked at me in the cafeteria. I wish I could do something. I used to be eloquet annd willing to do things, had a few people I hung around occasionally, I was a cyborg. Now its all gone downhill and I feel bad about it because I think I could do something and I feel guilty as fuck

Why can't I just stay home watch TV and play vidya?

>>39536735
This girl, I just love her so much and I know I'm gonna end up hurt but I just can't leave her, I can't talk to any other girl because they just aren't the same. Never has someone stressed me out so much

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>>39536746
Wrong picture. Im sorry I did not see the bottom caption too well. Here is a better pepe, sorry black anons

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i was rewatching anime from my childhood and remembered how much of a boicrush i had on this qt

also just the fact that everyday i put off getting my life together is just making it more difficult to do so at all. until i'm inevitably trapped in poverty, and i end up dying alone.

>>39522288
let it go for now anon

wait until winter for a comfier, hypothermia-induced death

>>39536756
I feel you man. Aside from all the memes and shit where people will say that "you got cucked" and blah blah. Enjoy your life as best you can and do whatever the fuck you want

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>Parents want me to go see a shrink
>finally agree to make them happy, get the referral and everything
>insurance doesn't cover mental health stuff
I don't know what to do, I already told them I was going to do it. I'm thinking about just going out for a few hours once a month and telling them I'm getting treatment

tonight i grabbed my mother by the neck and threatened to kill her
a lifetime of her abuse and tonight i finally snapped
i feel like my soul is being eaten alive from the inside
i don't think im going to live much longer

>>39536952
tell them that it doesn't get paid for by your insurance, they'll either pay for it or just tell you not to go. don't lie to your parents when they clearly want what's best for you, why are you hiding it anyway?

>>39527456
Update: dropped out officially like 20 minutes ago. Feels good and bad because it's what I wanted to do but probably not what's best for me.

>Tfw coming to terms with the fact I'm a recluse
>Tfw don't even want sex or a relationship anymore
>Just want to do my own thing and "enjoy" my time up until I get the balls to end it all
>Tfw ironically have no motivation to do anything other then sit and browse here all day
Anyone else feel the same?

>>39537365
What are you going to do now anon? I could never quit. My family would hound me until I get bakc in

>>39537396
Felt the same a while ago, then gradually began to enjoy vidya and TV again

i don't get how people with avoidant personality issues can remain calm
i fucking hate doing anything out of my comfort zone and would rather drop dead, but i still try because doing nothing only makes me more anxious than i already am
i wish i could be as uncaring as those people

>>39518702
Although I'm constantly surrounded by friends, I constantly feel alone. There's some family things going on that has kinda distanced everyone in my family even more. Things have been really stressful and been worrying about things like university and such. I don't think I could handle a relationship or even necessarily want one, but I want the comfort of knowing someone understands and loves me.

>>39529258
He was the second choice in the first place.
She was madly in love with me for years.

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>spend all of summer working
>too busy to feel anything but tired
>fall rolls around, summer job is done
>"HEY BUDDY TIME TO LISTEN TO SUMMER MUSIC AND REGRET NOT GETTING /fit/ AND GOING TO THE OCEAN"
>"WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, WHY NOT LOSE YOUR MIND OVER FUCKING UP AS A HIGH SCHOOLER AND MISSING OUT ON YOUNG LOVE OR ANY SOCIAL INTERACTION WHATSOEVER"
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE ONLY IN YOUR EARLY 20'S GRAMPS, IT WAS ALWAYS TOO LATE TO ENJOY ADVENTUROUS YOUTH"
>"JUST KEEP GOING INTO THIS MAJOR THAT YOU HATE, DON'T WORRY, EVERYBODY'S LIFE GOES TO SHIT AFTER 25 SO IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ENJOY WHAT YOU'RE MAJORING IN"
EVERY
FUCKING
YEAR

>>39529349
It's not available, there's distance involved.

got a 20 presentation in class today talking about greek gods and stuff. I have it more or less rehearsed so hopefully it goes alright and i don't spill any spaghetti.

>>39537457
Just gonna work part time I suppose. If I kept going it would've been a big waste of money cause I was taking classes for a major I had no interest in pursuing. My mom's probably gonna hate me now but I can't keep doing stuff just to make her happy

>>39537696
That's the same thing, for my dad. And there's no angerig dad without heavy repercussion on my ultra heavy gaming computer which he co-financed because he's a nerd

>Tfw wanna do the programming project I set out for self but keep on holding off or doing little bits at a time because am scared of failure

>>39537652
What did you work? I only had cashier or waiter openings in my town Too social, I knew I would have fucked it up. Id much rather clean the backdoors

>>39537695
Good luck anon. Just remember not to care because no one else probably cares either. And if you say retarded shit just laugh it off. Actually try to say retarded shit because it will give you something to laugh about later on.
I never had any friends and was a complete social outcast in school, but when I figured out how to do it, I became really good at giving presentations and could do it somewhat confidently even though I sucked at socializing in most other situations. It was interesting when I realized that I was giving better presentations and was less nervous than other peoples who seemed like total normies

I wanna die die die die die die
I'm a retard
I'm ugly
It feels like every week I become less able to speak in coherent sentences
And my therapist doesn't even seem to care all that much

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I saw this guy being hit by a truck the other day, I still see him hitting the ground hard, his arms and legs flaiIing. Not only that, but I lost my last bus to go attempt an exam I didn't really study much for, and then I started thinking about dropping out again. I had been stressed out since forever so I finally broke down and cried when I returned home. I was alone, returned alone, came in the house completely empty and saw no one telling me hello and asking me how I'm doing.

It's like no one really cares about me and just cares about the results. I was aware of it, but it really hit close home when that guy on the bike was hit by the truck, that could've been me and nothing would have changed.
I can't even sleep. When I close my eyes, I still see the guy hitting the ground.

>>39518702

Same here dude. Its really fucking me up lately.

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>>39538025
my mom is pretty much the only person on the planet i feel genuinely cares for me, my father has all but disowned me and i dont have and friends so once shes dead its going to be a miserable existence indeed. just thinking about it makes me want to cry

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>>39538116
I wish I had somebody who cared for me. Both my mom and my dad were raised by psychos so it kind of rubbed into them.
>I get a high grade
>"grats"
>I get a low grade
>"WTF ANON THIS IS NOT WHY I WORK MY ASS FOR EVERYDAY"

Of course I have also a twin sister who likes to abuse me and an older brother who's a straight As student so my parents believed that I could do the same as him, just because he could.
Too bad I'm stupid, depressed and kind of hopeless.

>>39538258
yea thats pretty much how my dad is. he views me as an extension of his status and is pissed that his son is a schizo drug addict neet and cant brag about having a "successful college educated" son to all his co workers at his finance company

>>39538314
which is ironic because in all my formative years my dad was off working and i was raised by my mother ( they got divorced when i was a baby, good choice mom) not having a father figure fucks up children for life

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>>39538389
it's okay senpai, I'm here with you

>come home from work
>sit in my car staring into intensely on one spot
>can't think of anything and feels like im not there
>body is trying to move to leave but has 0 energy
>fails and drops back to a stationary position after moving even ever so slightly
>took me an hour to get out of my car and into my house
>people staring at me as i stare at the ground with my body on autopilot
>can barely remember the events even now
These happen a lot, but they've been getting worse lately.

>>39538870
also earlier that day
>feel like im shutting down
>everyone is invading my personal space
>go the to a single bathroom and curl into a ball in the corner with my heads in my arms between my legs
>sit there for 20 minutes not thinking and unable to move
>can only hear whats going on around me but am completely empty, can't focus, and can't feel time passing

Just general crippling emptiness. I don't care about anything, and even though I could make my life a hundred times easier if I did the few things I should right now instead of later when I want to sleep, I'm just gonna put it off until the last possible moment because I don't care about it and I can't motivate myself to do much more than exist on a day to day basis.

>>39539034
Living with this feeling while in uni makes me want to sudoku

>>39538870
>>39538930
sounds like you may have the tism

The world hates me and I can't seem to understand why. Can't feel emotion and it's hard to understand what others are feeling, and whatever I try to respond with is nothing that they were thinking. People feel and think with their emotions but I can't feel, so I try to logically work out stuff with my brain. It's hard because I can read people in the moment, but can't tell what they will do. Feels like I'm constantly blind and live second to second.

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She always tries contacting me, saying she misses me and apologizing for making me hate her... I was talking to an aquaintence of ours and he even said that she was talking about me a lot. I miss the fuck out of her but ive given her a lot of chances and she still does shit that makes me so angry. I try to move on but her trying to contact me doesnt help at all.

>Pic related, she texted me this the other day, didnt respond

>boss tells me they're going to have a huddle
>the only word that registers is huddle
>join the meeting
>hear my other boss say something about how I'm not in the team and shouldn't be there
>dont fully register it but get a huge feeling of everyone hating me and thinking im weird
>start to feel dumb and everyone staring at me
>start to shake and feel like I'm about to explode
>the rest of the day is spent looking at the floor and feeling like I'm not in my body

Why can't I concentrate on what people say? I hear what they're saying but it's like it never hits my brain, it's too busy focusing on all the other noises going on and it feels like I'm being bombarded with sounds. Then I get lost in my head trying really hard to hear what they're saying but end up concentrating on random noises instead, and when the conversation is over it's like being snapped back to reality and all I can do is draw blanks. What's wrong with me?

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>>39539466
>Having someone who misses you

Just man up and tell her how things are.

>>39539626
I have this exact same problem. Had it for as long as I remember, and its like I know nothing of current events with people, be it family, work, friends and I'll overhear things like so and so is getting married or something and I'll ask what, when? Then I get weird looks as if I'm retarded.

>>39539668
Fucking same dude. It's awful, it's led me to be really insecure when to talk because sometimes I don't know when I'm being talked to, then when people get upset it just feeds that anxiety. I feel incredibly sensitive to everything people do, right down to the way they look at me and their body language. Don't know what they're thinking or feeling, but all they do is make me feel awful about myself like I'm just a nuisance.

>>39539645
Eh maybe. I was thinking about asking her to go this concert we once had plans for... I dont know though, shes just some dumb hoe that im infatuated with. I do my best to push her away and nothing has worked, guess she really does care..

>>39539697
Holy shit, are you me? At big gatherings with family or friends I've recently been having this weird sensation too, where I'll stop for a moment and realise everyone is talking to everyone and I'm not talking to anyone, then I start thinking well why aren't I? Then I question myself like it's something wrong with me, then my heart starts going wild, and I become really uncomfortable to the point where I want to leave.

>>39539787
I feel this way too. I think of other people more than I think of myself. In fact, all I do is think about others and how they must perceive me, but I don't know how they do and what I should do to change it. I'm also way too honest and forward with my feelings and things with double meaning often go over my head because I take everything literally.
All I do is think about how other people feel about me and it's led me to not know anything about myself and become a blank slate. When someone comes into my life I end up adopting their behavior and feeling how they feel, and when they leave me I end up going back to being a blank slate that can't feel anything other than everyone hating me.

My mother is about to die

>>39539822
>all I do is think about others
I'm the opposite of this, I just think about myself and what do I say and where do I put my arms etc. I can relate though because I get all wound up and tense speaking with new people, so I just let flow what comes to my mind and often it comes out awkward and just stonedead kills the conversation. God, it's awful shit. I'm in uni now though so I'll try to work through it.

>>39539822
Really hitting home. I've been through a ton of meds recently, none work, CBT, didn't work. There's a voice in my head and it's constantly saying what's wrong with me? I try to act like a normal person as much as possible but underneath I'm not, dunno how I've got this far, but it's got to the point now where I'm after any escape I can get.

I drink constantly now, nearly every night, and I make common mistakes such as spelling errors or switching words, whilst very rare I only notice them immediately after I've done it. I've tried different drugs too, done MDMA so much that I probably have no dopamine left in me to even enjoy things anymore.

>>39539947
Why are you here then anon? And what is she dying from?

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I just passed my driving test (and its not an USA driving test so it wasn't that easy, most people pass after like 4-5 times) but i am fucking scared as fuck to drive, how the fuck do i stop this feeling before i kill someone on the road because of me being a pussy?

Being a failed normie is probably worse than being a robot. At least you know your place.

>>39526466
On what level of american retardation are you? every single language spoken in the world have accents which vary according to the region it is spoken. Not only does american english has an accent, but several accents. (Texas, Florida, New York). Please break the chain and, unlike you father, dont marry your cousin.

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my exes have kids, getting/gotten married, and are generally happy people with careers and all the social and romantic success that could be expected of them: pretty girls who always seem to have found The One after throwing me out like yesterday's paper

the prospect of sitting down in silent house and sending the same fake ass fucking cover letters to the same fake ass fucking job postings just to maybe kinda get a job that isn't embarrassing for me to have at my age (27) while I can picture clear as day the full, vibrant lives nearly everyone I know is living and have lived since we graduated high school is too much. It's too fucking much.

I'm going to kill myself soon.

>>39539976
Cancer

She is in the hospital with my dad and he said she wouldn't want me to come see that

>>39539990
I'm UK, done a ton of lessons, did my test failed it and I was literally sweating the entire time. I don't wanna go through that feeling ever again so I gave up and I'm a fucking loser now who can't drive.

If I were you I would just spend as much time as you can driving, anywhere, it's simple repetition repetition, Also congratulations.

>>39539990
Europe?
It's hard and pricey as fuck where I live, not gonna pass it either

>>39539951
I have alexithymia so that could be why I focus on other peoples emotions more than my own. Sometimes I can't distinguish if what I'm feeling is theirs or mine. I also just start talking but it's all based on nothing and I'm just winging it, but it's always the wrong stuff because I can't reciprocate emotion. I just can't process it in general, it's not how I feel and think, I use my brain for everything. I think I realized that I was different a long time ago, it was always hard to understand other people's perspectives and that they had their own thoughts and feelings. Often I would ask kids my age if they could see through their eyes and think, like me.
>>39539959
I do this too. I come home as fast as I can and end up drinking or listening to music. If I don't do something then I feel like everything is going to end and end up having a complete break down when it starts to overflow, which could take weeks or days depending on what is setting me off. It's always a gradual process though. I ended up smoking weed every day for 2 years, not because I enjoyed it, but because it was my routine and not doing it felt wrong, like I was hurting someone

>>39539990
It can take a year to get confident in driving, depending on how often you drive and if you drive in the city or outskirts.
But if your nervous it also means your on alert when driving and act carefully, so I would say that your not some kind of traffic danger.
Experienced drivers while confident can also get sloppy and starts to drive faster in general.

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I want to fight and die as a martyr for my countrys independence but our nationalism is tainted with left wing internationalism and uni intellectualism

Anyone else think like me, where their intelligence has destroyed their life? I'm saying intelligence as a strong common sense thereof.

Example, my brother is the total opposite of me, he's basically at a chav level, he sleeps around, never had a real job, he's got kids to different girls etc and somehow I'm sure he's enjoying his life even though it's technically a wreck. I, on the other hand have always worn protection with girls, never thrown away money, never embarrassed myself to the point where my family hates him etc, his friends never really last, but then I'm also on the other end thinking I wish I had his life, no care in the world. I wish I was just a piece of shit sometimes, but because I'm now seen as the dependable one of the family etc I can't do that now. It's like I now live to serve everyone else whilst he enjoys his life?

>>39540040
Sorry to hear anon. If it was me though I'd go, jump in a fucking taxi and see her.

I have very little reason to live anymore.
I am deeply uncomfortable with my circumstances and I believe I may have fucked up my life for good, for all time, yet my actual soul has been hollowed out, intentionally too.
I can't do this anymore.

>>39540050
go get checked for autism, you sound exactly like my brother and he's on the spectrum

>>39540003
I guees im a failed normie. I have a job, a car and an appartment. I've cut off contacts with most of my friends and never had a gf.
It sucks because I don't even know what I want, being alone feels safer but I've never been truly happy that way. Being among people also give me some anxiety, like social pressure.

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>moving into optimism stage
>things are going really well
>see thread
>mind gets flooded with past and current feels
>spend so many hours in these feels threads back in the back


Fuck you, OP

>>39540041
I failed once too, after i failed i just took like 5 additional lessons (went on to try actually finding a guy who is fun to drive with so i learn more, its better than having an old fag who says some stupid uneccesary shit all the time), it was cheaper than buying more tests and trying to pass them

>>39540048
Yep, Poland. Had to do it twice+ additional lessons so i had to give the fucking jews quite a bit of my money

>>39540104
Thanks!

I don't even care about driving fast or some shit, i just want to be safe so i don't kill someone

>>39529402
Leave another mans woman alone dude

Can I live on my own with a job at walmart?

>>39540230
It's called a rut. If you happen to find the way out let me know, I'm exactly the same.

>>39540283
depends on the job and if you have debts or not, but as entry level sales associate probably not. they're shit at giving out hours and have a really high turnover rate because of that.

managers though I'm not sure, maybe it's more sustainable.

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>mfw has to stay at uni dorms
>wants to heat up my meal really bad
>want to do it now because my favorite show begins soon
>afraid to leave the room because normies in the kitchen

Help me out, anons, how do I do that
Do I say hello or anything if someone is there

>>39540414
Just go heat your meal and avoid eye contact if you don't want any interaction. If you make eye contact with someone walking past you or something just say "hello" and smile like a normal human being.

I've been haunted by every stupid thing I've ever done 24/7. Being an autist with a good long term memory is hell.

>>39540017
I bet you think water has flavor too. Fuck off

>>39540460
>Being an autist with a good long term memory is hell
tell me about it... so many things I wish I could forget

>>39540456
I don't know how to do it, act normal. I always feel watched, not in a mean way, but every time it's a constant struggle to speak to people or even walk normally. I used to be normal as a kid

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>tfw have a chance of working both in the game industry and film/vfx industry

Fuck what do i do, this choice i have is literally killing me slowly from the inside, i don't know what to do. I am 24 now, i don't want to be 40 and be like "the decision i made 16 years ago was fucking shit what a fucking retard i was", if you were me what would you choose?

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>>39540343
Curse of the wagie. being around supportive people is a no brainer. But you also need to make something happen yourself.
I hope you get better m8

>>39540345
Is there any entry level job that could have me get at least 500$ a month? I just want to move into an apartment

>>39540503
I know how you feel and I know it's hard
But is a short moment of social discomfort worth a comfy hot meal while you watch your TV-show?
You have the entire evening to recover from it

>>39540510
Take control of your own life dude. Don't ask for anonymous opinions.

>>39540510
Game industry, simply because it's a growing industry that's in high demand for new talent

>>39540414
Then miss out on your meal. Geez louis this is literally a first world problem

>>39540511
So hard, so damn hard.

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I just realised that my eyebrows are connecting to my fucking hair. What the fuuuck.

>>39540569
So is the movie industry desu. Every movie that is releasing now has some sort of CGI in it. And its getting easier and easier to create indie films.

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>>39540601
Trim that shit

>>39518702
i have been NEET for 5 years anon i really want to get a job

I am losing my memory, concentration, and emotion. Everything about me is now paralyzed and stale, and I can tell that the core of who I am is sceaming for it to stop.
Fuck, I want my old life back... I'm not nearly as fearful anymore, but that's what frightens me more, the emotional numbness. Fuck someone please kill me.

>>39540233
It's just a prank bro
sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I hope you are able to feel better and feel optimistic again

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>>39518809
>Anxiety isn't fun.
is this what you do? just come here and trigger people?

>>39518809
I'm moving to hell, with myself. Fuck you.

What do you do when you want to just give up on life, give it all up, but there are too many ties to cut before you can?

Brother has health problems, he lives with me.

Father owns his own business, I'm his right hand man.

Mother and Sister would go crazy if I killed myself.

I just want this shit to end, I'm on the brink and I've been through every meds, CBT, fucking self help shit. It's getting too much to handle now and it's massively creeping out of my person to the point where family and friends now know there's something wrong. I cry myself to sleep nowadays, and I need drink to sleep so it makes the mornings even worse. I just wanna end it...

>>39539990
Yea I think it just takes time and more practice to get over the fear. When I first started driving I was really paranoid and would get anxious in a lot of regular driving situations. It's been like a year and a half now and it's gone away for the most part, except for the part where you stay cautious to be safe

My only regret in highschool is something completely retarded, I just wish I joined the orchestra and learned to play the violin, I could've talked to the cute asian girls that were in there.

>>39540546
I ended up going, didn't see anybody. Still burned my hands carrying on the way back because I was afraid people would come in while I waited

I'm feeling good lately. I've been busting my ass at work and made enough money to buy a car, pay my rent on time, and just yesterday I paid off my entire credit card.
Meanwhile this girl I like and work with is getting along really well with me, I'm trying to take my time to learn her before making a move, but it's making me happy to learn new things from her.

All my friends took my ex's side and have started to ignore me. So I decided to 'take time away from them' because they are just ignoring me anyway. I just feel so God damn lonely and I'm out of cigarettes and wanna die

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>>39541466
>had a gf
>have friends

how about you get the fuck off this board with your shitty normie feels? You have nothing to complain about

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>>39541073
i feel this. if it werent for the grief id cause my mother and the fact that id die without seeing evangelion 4.0 come out i wouldve killed myself long ago

>>39541531
most people on this board are fat degenerates who complain about nothing because they are vile human beings.

>>39525245
feel you anon, post city and we could maybe meetup

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>>39518702
My problem is probably the most common one.
It's the complete lack of experience with girls.
People say it's easy to talk with them, but every time I did that they seemed boring as fuck.
The main reason was because all of them didn't want to talk, they wanted to have this mindless chat that goes nowhere.
And I never liked that. I would just stay silent, if I didn't have anything to add to a conversation.
Years passed and I went to uni. Our group only has 4 girls.
One is a rat, the other one is pretty but occupied, and the other two are basically attention whores.
I barely have any interest in talking to girls irl anymore.
I've turned 21 a few month ago and I'm still a virgin that never had a single gf in his life.
I've lost some weight, got myself into semi-passable shape.
Sometimes neighbours ask me:
"Wow anon, you're looking pretty good! I wounder who's gonna be the happy bride?"
"I don't have a girlfriend"
"How come someone like you doesn't have a girlfriend?"
Then I just say that I'm too busy for that and try to change topic.
The worst thing is the feeling I get everytime someone who had or has a gf talks about it.
Or it's other people spending time with their gf in front of me.
I feel like they're just trying to show off. Ignoring it kind of helps, but I steel feel this void inside of me for the rest of the day.
I'm not saying I've given up, but I barely have any motivation to try.
Girls are slowly become nothing but an object to me. Like a fruit, that's hard to get.
Every men crave it, some get it a lot, some get a few and me...

I don't want to complain to often, but I felt like I could do it this time
I feel empty anon...
tl dr : > tfw no gf