The Ultimate Childhood Trauma Thread

>>39508173
>Parents were poor and lazy
>They never let me leave the house apart from school because they didn't want to deal with any trouble I'd get into and I had nothing to do at home but watch whatever my father had on the tv
>Sat in my room mostly just staring out the window thinking about running away

That went on until I was like 16 and moved out and instantly became happier but still forever crippled by it. It's probably a big part of why I can't make or keep friends.

More like late childhood but my mom let me be sexually exploited by an older woman and it's stuck with me pretty bad in some ways.

>>39508173

My childhood was good and uneventful. However i have autism, and can barely function in most contexts.

I often wish i had a traumatic event to blame, but i can only blame genetics and myself

>>39508173

Catching my parents having sex when I was 12 was the most scaring thing that has happened to me. I couldn't speak with them for days after it happened.

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>Angry step dad comes home from late work
>tries to sleep on couch
>dumb sister thinks its a good idea to play games with him
>hear a loud impact sound from nearby
>step dad fucking threw a plastic chair against the floor out of sheer force of rage
>dumb ass sister runs to mom
>even though it was justified they separated after that
>lived in a shelter for 3 years

My discord is Frisk#6158 if you want continuations on how stuff got fucking worse
i still had no friends because we moved alot and i want to fucking die every day because of my retarded sisters being unable to do shit

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I beat myself up over what I did 9 years ago.

>be me, 7th grade
>my only friend from 6th grade left before the year started
>sit alone during lunch
>the table I sit at is a long table that seats about 18
>only people sitting here are me and a group of about 5 autists/losers at the other end
>start talking with the outcasts, become friendly, relate over video games
>become good friends with one of them
>alex, white guy, aspergers, natural orange hair.
>has kind of a temper but his family is well off.
>hang out every lunch, hang out at his house lots of times during school year, he hung out at my less exciting place too
>gave each other birthday presents
>summer comes, hang out more
>he teaches me things, like setting up an email and trash talking on Xbox 360, we're like family
But then
>8th grade starts
>mom asks why I don't hang out with any cool friends, says alex is a nerd and socially awkward
>contemplate it
>stop hanging out with Alex
>stop hanging out with the outcasts
>depression sets in
>close up and become isolated from everyone
>don't have any close friends for the rest of middle and high school.

I'll never understand why I did that...

Dealt with physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, you name it. Neglect caused me to be perpetually frail, small, and underweight. Physical abuse broke my nose and also I can't breathe properly anymore. Sexual abuse obliterated my ability to take a shit or have functioning genitalia (thanks @my uncle). Parents were always either violent and angry or asleep or dicking around on Civilization. Mother frequently gave me pills telling me they were candy. Mom choked/strangled me often, even to the point where I would pass out. She dropped me down the staircase, would throw me onto the hard floor, tell me I ruined her life, bite me, shoved me against walls, held my hand down on a hot stove, etc. She was also obsessed with my hair to the point where if I came home from school with a strand out of place (every day) she would yell at me, hit me with a hairbrush, threaten to cut off all my hair or stab me with scissors, and hold my face down underwater. On one occasion she was pissed at me for not finishing a chapter book (I was like 7) so she locked me in my room and I wasn't allowed to leave for food or the bathroom, couldn't do anything except read it. Eventually I tried to get out but was caught and she beat me with the table from my sister's tea set, to the point where I couldn't even get up. She made me walk across broken glass in front of a bunch of people who just sat there and watched it. Beat me with a broken wine glass. Made me masturbate in front of her in the bath. Even when I was well into my teen years, she would still choke me and at one point made me sit at a table doing only schoolwork for 12 hours straight.
My dad wasn't quite as....."creative" with the abuse, and was usually at work, but he did just as much if not more than my mom. In particular I remember he always threatened to kill me and my siblings with knives, blunt objects, strangulation etc. Threw stuff at us, beat us, shook us violently. (continued)

>be young
>six siblings
>mom always in the hospital, dad working to pay hospital bills
>oldest brother is an aspie, constantly trying to kill himself
>a fucking ten year old trying to throw himself off of our second floor balcony, like what the fuck
>him and other older brother always in fist fights
>have severely disabled down syndrome sister
>most of my siblings, as well as me, have autoimmune disorders and mental issues
>on top of that, the autoimmune disorders cause me (specifically) to have hallucinations of people ripping each other apart in my bedroom
>fucked up.jpeg
>second oldest brother basically raising us while mom is in the hospital
Good now but I have really big issues socially, emotionally, and mentally. I had some issues with drugs for awhile such as weed and shoots. Weed wasn't too bad but shoots brought back the night terrors.
Analyze me, OP

Cont.
>Lost true virginity at 13, raped and blackmailed by a neighbor kid at about 10 yrs old
Forgot to mentiom

>>39508173
Being raped anally by an old hippie at age 5 or 6

At least I hardly remember and blocked it out for years, but I am not healed as of yet.

Embarassingly, I hated shitting when I was a kid from age 5 or 6 to age 13. I hated the feeling of using my anus. So I would hold it forever until I couldn't anymore. I shit myself for years. So many times.

Eventually I got used to it. Now I'm fine pooping. But when I recalled what had happened to me when I was a kid it all clicked and made sense.

>>39508529
>Sexual abuse obliterated my ability to take a shit or have functioning genitalia (thanks @my uncle)
>@my uncle

lol you deserved it

Also I meant shrooms** not shoots

>>39508529
(continuation)
I remember we had an old rusty railroad spike, which he beat us with a LOT. The thing hurt like hell. He gave me my first ever bruise, and it was far from being the last. My nose was broken when he pushed me off the back of the couch onto the floor, landing on my face. My nose was literally flattened and went off to the side, but I went to school the next day with no medical attention. I also recall he made me eat my vomit when I was a toddler bc I interrupted his computer game by, well, vomiting.
Ended up going to the school counselor every week by the time I was in first grade. Became well known among counselors as the fucked up student at every school I attended. Never had breakfast, usually no lunches and parents wouldn't let me get free lunches lest I tarnish their reputation. Forced to sit in empty rooms for prolonged periods of time if I wasn't happy.
CPS was called on us a few times, but they did absolutely nothing.

I could write a book or something about all this shit. But I honestly don't have enough self worth to believe I didn't deserve what happened to me, I believe my parents are good people. I love them still. I was the one who ruined their lives. I deserved it all. Who could blame them for doing that to me?

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>First day school get shouted at by a teacher
>Teacher also physically punished students, despite not being allowed too
>Get bullied for having asthma leaving me with a inferiority complex making me never feel good enough
>Helicopter parents so never got to have fun or go out to places making me socially retarded
>due to asthma couldn't play in many sports or keep up with the others in games of tag etc, so always picked last in sports and was never liked
By the age of 10 i was already having suicidal thoughts.

It may not be rape or alcoholic parents but it certainly was enough to fuck me up

>>39508880
Now I just feel shitter cause my life wasn't as bad. I fucking hate myself. I wish 10 year old me used that knife or I actually jumped off that building. I'm a fucking Pathetic retard. I'm sorry you guys who've been though way worse. Your stronger then me

Fuck modern medicine should of let me choke the day i forgot my inhaler. Spartans would of thrown me right off the cliff

>>39508763
you didn't deserve it at all anon. i promise you that, your parents are retarded and they chose to have children. don't think that just because CPS failed you that your parents were right.

>>39509068
Anon stop. Spartans had to throw babies off cliffs because every man had to be a hoplitewhen levied and they could affors no weaknesses. Our society is developed enough to not require that. That is a blessing for all of us. Doing that today would be Somalia-tier.

And as for comparing difficulties of one life to another, wtf are you a SJW. This ain't no original sin, privilege discussion. We all have our own challenges and difficulties. Our strife is personal and each one of us must own our past and present.

Fret not. You are strong.

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I could write a book on my childhood from before birth I was destined for isolation not joking my parents actions were fucking me up since before birth but I don't blame any of that it is in the past I can get over it

>>39509297
this

its not a contest anon, we all have different pain but its pain nonetheless

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>>39508763
Poster of that long essay of shit here.
Don't trick yourself into thinking that just because someone else has it worse. The damage was still done, so regardless of whether you lost your pet cat or you got anally probed with a hacksaw, psychological trauma is psychological trauma. Everyone who goes through shit will invariably think "I shouldn't be upset, other people have it worse" regardless of what happens. I get it too, despite my life story quite frankly being so comically and ridiculously abusive that it sounds completely fake. It's just another symptom of the damage.

Hope everyone in this thread recovers in one way or another. Best of luck.

>>39509372
anon?
are you still here?

my post is very original goddamnit

>>39509444
Still here.


congratulations on your original post btw

>>39508616

no he/she didn't and also you are a loser

>>39509482
i just want to tell you again that you didn't deserve any abuse. i felt sad reading your experiences. also my life has always been horrible too but i wasn't physically hurt like you so i can be grateful for that.

>>39508529
>>39508763
Are you boi or gurl? I wish I could hold you and tell you everything would be alright

>>39509545>>39509534
>>39509510
>>39509231
I'm a guy, and thank you. Your support really means a lot to me.

>>39509578
your replies mean a lot to me. i'm having a sad night and my only friend in the world won't answer me so i felt like i could at least try to reach out to a person to make a small difference instead of just feeling that crushing loneliness i can't escape. but my issues are obviously miniscule compared to your troubles, not that it's a competition of course. anyhow i'm just glad i could make someone feel a bit better when i'm feeling so low every night.

>>39509578
Fug

I'm a guy too who was verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused but not as severely as you

I wish I could hold you anon, only people who have been through it themselves can really understand

>>39509617
Hope things get better for you. You're a very caring person from what I can tell, you'll surely make more friends. Good luck tonight.

>>39509633
Thank you so much. The sense of empathy and sadness caused by hearing about other people's suffering really is hard to put into words, I'm glad you care so much.

>>39508556
You sound like a product of incest as eel as you and your siblings. That many generic disorders isn't a coincidence

>>39509654
it feels like i was born to make people leave me or dislike me. but i'll still try since someone has a little faith in me. good luck anon, many e-hugs being sent your way

I remember my brother and sister doing a lot of sexual stuff with me as a really young kid. My brother and sister never talked about it again, and likely try to pretend it never happened. It left me as a sexual deviant for most of my childhood which never really stopped and overall fucked a lot of aspects about me up.
I remember my mom having a boyfriend who was way younger than her as well, and I guess I felt some kind of subconscious emotional neglect due to her always spending time/giving a fuck only about him. The reason I say subconscious is because the only time I confronted these feelings were a dream I had of three strange grublike things in a room with a male and female wolf. One of the grub things tried to approach one of the wolves only for it to snarl and bite, causing it to recoil. The symbolism in the dream was pretty fucking obvious, but I never considered THAT to be necessarily traumatic. At least, I didn't know the extent to which my mother would truly begin to act as the wolf acted in the dream until much later in life when another relationship she had with a person much younger than herself ended fucking awfully. That was in my teen years, though. Not very interesting.

>>39509700
Many e-hugs are being sent your way as well.

>>39509578
Anon did you ever get out of it? I can say you didn't deserve it. You were an innocent child who had monsters as parents. If I could hold you close and tell you you are worth more than that I would.

>>39508293
How? What did she do?

>>39509754
I got out when I grew up and was able to move out, so yeah. Thank you for your kind words.

> Be little brother
> Argue with big brother
> big brother slap
> get minor dementia
> last time i remember anything clearly

I could have been a doctor, maybe.

>>39508763
Ok everyone, I'm gonna be trying to go to sleep now. If there's any interest, I'll start another thread for this tomorrow.
Thank you all so much for your kindness, I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am to hear from all of you. You're all so amazing and supportive, not just to me but to each other. It's been a genuinely uplifting/heartwarming thread.
Night all, stay safe.