Why do I want to feel more depressed? This is an odd feel. It

Why do you think I feel depressed ?

>>39429556
I don't know. I think i deserve mine, i was always a waste

It's called masochism. It's kind of like enjoying being fuck in the anus.

Can't say there is anything wrong with that... Only YOU make it wrong by problematising that.

I felt like that for a long time. I think it came from this delusion I had that everyone felt sorry for me when I acted depressed and it was a form of attention that I wouldn't otherwise get. There's a certain sense of identity that you get from being a depressed person as well.

I have been diagnosed with depression, but I no longer want to continue going on being the depressed type. I'm ready to try and be happier now. This is mostly because I've realised that nobody really cares and if you tell anyone that you have this condition, they will be nice to your face about it but 9/10 it will put them off of you. I managed to get a girl to like me a few months ago and I messed it all up because I told her that I have problems with depression and then she abandoned me a couple of days after.

Get out of the cycle, OP. Forcing yourself to be depressed all the time is exhausting and not at all good for you.

>>39429629
No one pays me extra attention because i don't see people anyway. I deserve this though. I'm a weak fucking idiot.

Who the fuck gets depressed in a middle class household, weak people who can't do anything and have been shit on since birth. Maybe your right but that just makes me even worse. A stupid little cry fucking baby who should just man up but he doesn't

I'm sorry a thread had to die for my post.

>>39429732
Yeah, see, you're doing it right now. Stop with the excessive self-deprecation. I would say seek help but from my experience it doesn't really do much. Therapy doesn't work for me and neither do meds. It's all just a matter of time before you get sick of making shit worse for yourself. Until then, hang in there.

Depending on how your situation is, it may be due to it being comfortable and known. And by the sound of >>39429732 you probably have quite a comfortable living situation.

Are you NEET? Are your family willing to look after you regardless of spending long periods of time doing nothing? Do you have much drive to go out and do something?

It may very well be that your living situation is comfortable but fosters depression through your inaction, in which case you don't want to change that because actually changing your life, even for a potential positive, is effort and risk spent on something when you're already comfortable.

Because it's the only thing you can feel so you relish in it.

If a man punches you long enough you start to say "I like it." Its psychology related. I felt the same but then I burnt out, something burnt in my brain and i knew it was never gonna be the same.

>>39429904
I'm not comfortable at home

>>39429933
Maybe this is it. I think i lost the ability to feel a while ago. Sometimes I want to cry but I can't i just yawn a ton

Do people normally feel feelings. Like nothing serious but do they feel, i can't even remember what my "base" state was

>>39430105
I've come to realize that yes, normal people do feel things like happiness and anger, and the catalyst is many things for them. It took me a long time to understand that people think with their emotions, and that the way I was, was different from everyone. I never had anyone in my life to tell me anything differently, so I spent my entire life assuming everyone was like me. I was wrong.
For me, happiness was a foreign entity. It made me more uncomfortable being happy than being sad, being sad felt good to me for some reason. It was like an addiction where you constantly down yourself and fall into a spiral and you derive some sick pleasure from it. It's masochistic behavior but that's how we're wired. It's not your fault.
My depression has gotten to the point where I'm not in complete apathy. I can no longer feel anything, not even sadness. My brain is even telling me that I've always felt like this, I've forgotten all the emotions I used to feel, I can only remember the words that were said. My memories are fading too. My anxiety still present, but I no longer feel it. My body shakes, sweats, and my heart starts to pound and I breath heavily, but on the inside I am a void. I only show emotion physically, but on the inside I am a black hole.
None of this is normal OP, and we may realize that ourselves, but our brain is a powerful entity that can change our perception of reality at random. Maybe normies have a normal functioning brain, they're able to control their thoughts and feelings. People like us are damaged, our brain runs our lives in a destructive manner. A lot of people say that we have weak minds, but I would argue the opposite. Our thoughts and feelings are too strong and they end up taking us for a walk as we strap ourselves on the leash. It's a viscous cycle of constantly battling yourself, and it will always be that way.

>>39430390
>I am in complete apathy*
see my brain is fighting with me again

>>39430390
Do normies always feel these emotions or only sometimes. Like are they emotionless until something happens? Rr do they always feel a little something?

I know how domestic abuse people feel. I want to be hurt and slapped around. It feels good. I hate myself, stupid weak cunt

>>39430605
Well "by good" I'm not even sure what that means but I think I "like" it. I'm not sure i do want to be hurt more for some reason.

>>39430605
Yes, but they may not be aware of it themselves. Have you noticed that a lot of people have a default mood? To them that's normal and they probably don't even think about it, but they feel it. That's what I mean when people think with their emotions, they use them as a gauge for everything, then they'll use their brain. More often than not they follow their intuition and how they feel though.
Took me a long time to understand what intuition was because I never felt that way in my life. Like I said, I've always been the observer, studying people and trying to figure them out so that I could join in. I don't know if this is relevant, but I am autistic. It's why I think the way I do and why I have an window-like view of the world, constantly looking in and trying to understand what I see. Keep in mind that this is all my perception and it relates to me relative to the experiences I've had. My reality is just one in the sea of many that people face, there is no true answer, just blindly guessing and trying to make sense of it all. The most important thing you can do is try to derive your own meaning and values yourself instead of trying to follow mine. Use what I say as a tool, not as a mantra for your personal life.

You are part archon and you feed from your own negative energy

>>39430706
Surely people can't be that happy constantly. Their always smiling and laughing. I miss even being angry and sad. I used to be one of them, I can't remember how i felt it's maddening

That's an interesting observance I think I can understand them a bit better now

>>39430807
Of course they're not happy all the time, just as you're not angry or happy all the time either. It's a fluctuation, but normal people tend to have a solid sense of self. They understand who they are and what they are, people and things have little impact on their lives beyond fleeting feelings. If something bad happens, they will get sad, but since they're sense of self is omnipresent they quickly rebound and become themselves again. Happy things or sad things, all of this will build you, but it's up to the individualistic nature, your perception, with how you let it affect you. I don't have all the answers because I am not normal myself. All I can do is compare people to myself and try to understand why, using my own perception and experiences guide me to a conclusion. That conclusion may be wrong, but it's the reality I face. Everyone is the center of the universe, everyone processes and interprets things like how life built them. It also works in reverse. The world is a complicated place and there are so many systems that can be broken down to the simplest forms. Everything has a pattern, and depending on how far you zoom in and out on the picture the equation can get quite complex.
There's a lot of things to consider in this life, and I'm still trying to understand myself. It's hard because I am self aware that I strap myself and thus everything I perceive I take with a grain of salt. I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make anymore. Maybe I'm just trying to give you insight with how I see the world so that you can live easier. I don't know.
I just hope that one day things can make sense to you like they have for me. I just hope one day you can feel happiness again, that life isn't as random as you think. Keep looking, answers are everywhere, it's all about how you notice them and knowing why. At least for me.