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Anonymous
I want to kill myself 2017-08-31 07:31:05 Post No. 39421202
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I want to kill myself 2017-08-31 07:31:05 Post No. 39421202
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I'm 31yo i live in a shithole 3rd country. I never had luck with women in general, my mother was really shitty when i was young, my father died when i was 13 he was an alcoholic and he didnt know how to write or read but he was a really hard worker man.
I was sexually abused when i was 5 and then again when i was 7 (the assault didnt fuck my shit up but makes me really shy and quiet). In february of this year i had a major psychotic breakdown, i was on a psych ward for 4 days (bipolar diagnosed) and after that being on meds for 4 months (risperidone and valproate) i was literally a zombie. I lost my job due this episode and im jobless since then. In january my fiance left me after 8y, but we keep seeing each other until may, the reasons she told me for the breakup was the usual women shit (I want to find myself, i want to travel, i want to fix the relationship with my family, i love you more than anything in the world but i got hurted and promises and pretty words wont be enough, and this one the most shitty, i dont know anon, i feel im gonna end up with you, like being 35yo and marrying you and having children with you). After 3 months or so, of no contact from her (i send her a couple of mails, when i was really down, telling her things like, i need to know if you dont love me anymore, i cant keep waiting for you even if you told me not to i do and i want to stop, i need to move on, with no replies) she finally told me, after confronting her on fb, " Youre right i should be honest im not in love with you anymore, and your attempts to make me feel guilt doesnt gonna work". Shes dating other men now and i cant even go out of my house without feel anxiety.
Im broken inside, im depressed as hell, im crying every night. I have no job, no friends, i only feel some kind of happiness when i think about suicide.
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>>39421202
Move to a new city, get a job and/or social hobby activities where you meet new people, for example martial arts, which will also help develop your self-esteem, assertiveness and help with your anxiety.
No need to thank me for the sound advice. I do it for free.
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What's stopping you from killing yourself? your life seems shit
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>>39421266
I used to be really fit anon taking care of the diet and training hard. But since a couple of weeks ago i cant even eat. When i try to swallow food like noodles or rice i puke. I lost 10kg. And i want to move on to some other place but im broke as hell.
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>>39421273
My mother and the fear of failing. I have no access to guns so my way out ticket is a rope and a knot.
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>>39421311
Is it possible to get a low wage job doing labour or data entry or courier or serving coffee something like that so that you have to leave the house and speak to people?
How can you afford to live at the moment.
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Get off the meds. Risperidone is a chemical lobotomy. You'll still feel like shit but at least you'll have your personality back
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>>39421339
I send a hundred (literally) of resume in these late 2 months (after they took me away the medications) Looking for any kind of job, i only get one interview.
Im my country we have some kind of neetbux (after you lost your job and only for 8 months) something like $160 bucks per month. with that money i help my family. I buy some cigarettes and thats all.
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>>39421350
Fuck risperidone was shit awful. I felt like a zombie, with no will, sleeping 16 hours a day, and when i was awake i only though in die. I was alive but at the same time everything seems so unreal and dead. I wasnt able to even focus to read a sentence. And my peepee was dead.
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>>39421424
I slept for 72 hours on that shit before and used to see spiders on it
Fuck normalfag doctors for even thinking of prescribing that shit
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>>39421507
Are you still taking that crap? Do you had psychosis too? Why those fuckers prescribe that?
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>>39421384
What about zero-hour contract work or whatever you call it. Day labourers and other work cash in hand with no contract. There must be a school or office near you that needs a cleaner or something.
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