Actually depressed

I've never been happy except maybe kindergarten. Been going on 4chan since I was 11, I was depressed before then and still am now at 20

>>39400021
i think i've always been like this and it has only gotten worse over the years
it sounds weird but i feel like i'm not even real now

>>39400021
Yeah. I never found being around froends fun, played video games only as a way to waste my time, went from a severe insomniac (~2 hours a night) to a hyposomniac (~13 hours a day). No motivation in life, hurt myself to feel things. Gonna kms soon. I wasted all my potential through apathy and sadness and I have nothing left.

>>39400021
From pre K to sixth grade it was me being sad but hopeful for the future. Then when I was 12 my older brother was killed looked up to him a lot it destroyed me. Everyday I feel guilty for being an irresponsible brother. Many other things have happened but that was the start from being a reclusive quiet person to extremely depressed now that I am 19 even my mom has given up on finding me help I never dealt with my problems and now they pilled up so high trying to fix them would be pointless I am mentally gone everytime I go to the outside world I get stared at like a freak in this small town glad but also not glad to see there are other people like me that have felt a form of sadness since early parts of their life

>>39400021
>memepressions

when will this end

>>39400021
Yep. Currently 23, depressed since I was 13.
Life is a meme

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That's me! Been depressed since I was 11/12 and I'm 24 now. I smoke a lot and drink heavily to dull the pain. Making lists help. Lists of shows to watch, books to read, etc. I like lists more than people.

>>39400208
Who do you guys think pays the shills that try to change the social attitude of /r9k/

Everything in life crumbled when I was 8. Constant relocation due to crummy abusive stepfather's job, siblings lost in custody battle, molested more than a few times. Now 20, trying not to let that define me but I still feel like a pile of shit. I wasn't meant to be born.

>it gets better

any day now, haha....

>>39400021
I'm 22 and depressed. I have always been emotionally unstable I must recognize, but I think my depression actually started in 2015, when I started to not feel fully rested from sleep, and that eventually evolved into insomnia. I think I have both anxiety and depression but mostly depression, I also suffer manic episodes, which makes me affraid I have bipolar disorder or something. Since two months ago when I quit benzos cold turkey all my symptoms got a lot worse.
I need a psych real soon

I still have journals that I wrote in when I was a young teenager (I'm 27 now). when I was 15 I described 'an inexplicable melancholy' that had begun to surround my life. I didn't know what it was nor what to do about it.

I know what it was, what it is, now. I still have no solutions.

>>39400021
I was unaware and functioning until 16.
Dog died. Crush rejected me, I became a bigger outcast. I wasted 5 sold years of my life stalling, sleeping and becoming disillusioned and reserved. I reflected upon everything i did, who i was. I cringed at myself, so I stopped enjoying things. I wasn't participating in life. I got on medication and now I'm trying to salvage my identity.
I want to die, But first I must do something mean in the world. I don't love myself but I know someone else could love what I leave behind.

>>39400288
* Meaningful.
Correction.

>>39400228
A joo?

>>39400021
The only reason I haven't laid my head on the train tracks is because I'm still a NEET and can do what I want to every day. I still hate who I am and what my future will always be no matter how hard I try at this point. I know I can't do this forever but I'll milk it for as long as I can. Even fucking homelessness sounds more appealing than surrendering 3/4 of my time to working for fucking pennies knowing there are affirmative action niggers out there making 6 figures. I seriously doubt I'll make it to 30.

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I'm at that stage of depression where if I wasn't living with family, I would retreat into solitude. There's a good chance I would never speak to another human being again.

Also, numbness

>>39400351
>train tracks
Kids use the train anon, why not just hang yourself? They are similarly successful.

>>39400351
>do what I want to every day

By this you actually mean do nothing at all worth mentioning though, right?

>>39400351
>affirmative action niggers making 6 figures
you seriously need to stop browsing /pol/. please, please go outside.

>>39400373
How is having a train run over your head less efficient than a method where you can be "saved" and end up braindead?

>>39400388
As opposed to what? Watching netflix and drinking at a bar?

>>39400393
I wouldn't be this pissed if I were just high on /pol/ memes. I know a retarded sheboon firsthand who now manages a fucking tech company at 23 years old. If I had followed her path I'd be drowning in debt. Women + minority in tech is guaranteed success, why even try when the game is this stacked against me?

>>39400463
>How is having a train run over your head less efficient than a method where you can be "saved" and end up braindead?
People can find you on the tracks and stop you. The mortality rates are the same. However, you can scar some people by kys on tracks

>>39400463
>As opposed to what? Watching netflix and drinking at a bar?

It's your story, numale. You say you can do what you like, but I think the truth is you don't do anything worth mentioning.

>ew, why would I want to have anything to do with him?

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>>39400488

>knowing there are affirmative action niggers out there making 6 figures
Women getting rich. Faggots getting rich. Niggers and all kinds of shitskins getting rich. Football players mad rich. Even animals have jobs and are respected and considered heroes (i.e police dogs, military dogs, etc.)


> However, you can scar some people by kys on tracks
If I did it I would love to shower normies with my blood and get them traumatized for life

same but i gave up on happiness in my early 20s

>>39400021
I've been hospitalized and put under supervision out of fear I'd an hero when I was 11
I'm 25 now
they tell you it gets better
they lie

>>39400021
Got a major depression diagnosis. Recently. My parents dragged me out of my NEET cave and took me to a major university medical center to get a diagnosis.

Looking back, my mood and outlook started to deviate significantly from the norm when I was about 12 or 13. That's when I had a teacher scold several times for being so "negative."

My studies started to take a hit during junior year in high school. Really lost an interest in my studies and started to have periods where I would feel hazy and unable to focus.

I couldn't hack the STEM courses in community college and majored in political science.

I went to a medicore state school and earned a BA, but after that everything has been downhill.

Got my prescription for Lexapro today anon, has anyone taken this shit before? I swear to god if it makes me get fat I'm going to fucking end it all.

>>39400489
Most people don't

I forgot you're going to be remember by future generations for your mediocre wagecuck position

>>39400021
Been depressed since17, I'm 27.
Funny, it was about this month too.

>10 years in limbo

Yeah, i remember first having thoughts of suicide when i was 13, 25 now.

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>>39402190
Yeah, as with all antidepressants don't expect much. They rarely work and are basically giant memes unless you're naive enough to fall for a placebo.

I'm on it now, I feel less awful (e.g., I'm not crying several times a week), my life feels "tolerable" and I rarely have suicidal thoughts anymore. The only side effects I have are nightmares, no libido, and fapping while on them doesn't often feel enjoyable.

While I like masturbating, it's more than worth it for me.

>>39400245
when you make the move from moderately depressed to severely depressed
that's when you're fucked. they say it's impossible to get out of severe depressive state without kikepills

>>39400198
You should definitely consider following the steps of your piece of shit brother and end your life. You are never going to amount to anything in life, and things will get worse, unimaginably worse, each single day. That whore of your mom will be happier without the burden of having to look into your ugly, dead, stupid eyes everyday knowing you are a failure just like your dad. I bet she regrets every day putting you into this world. Luckily your brother hasn't had the chance of living longer: we all know it's partially your fault, however. People will always consider you the strange one, the odd one, the one to stay away from: end it Anon, it's for the best.

>>39400306
gotta do something MEAN
so what are you planning elliot?

>>39402403
>The only side effects I have are nightmares, no libido, and fapping while on them doesn't often feel enjoyable.
These are my experiences also. I have to try so hard to cum and it's not very enjoyable when i do, also have nightmares all the time. I stopped taking them and it was even worse though, i was woken up by nightmares multiple times a night.

>>39400262
ur lucky u didnt have a seizure faggot.

>>39402403
>>39402477

Man, I don't want to lose my sex drive, reading up on them seems like a pretty fuckin' common side effect. Maybe I'll double up on my maca powder intake.
I'm not too worried about nightmares, as long as it's not spiders.

How do you guys find your ability to actually do things? All I want to do is draw but sometimes I just feel so shit that I can't.

man i used to have crazy nightmares when i was a kid, now my 'dreams' are fucking stupid. also, why can't i even get laid in my dreams? literally not even once have i managed to fuck a grill in my dreams, life truly is hell.

>>39402612
>How do you guys find your ability to actually do things?
I still feel without energy at times but it's better than it used to be. I used to watch streams all day and sometimes not even eat but lately I've felt much more active.

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Been depressed since like 2013, but I found a way to keep it at bay by numbing my brain with entertainment media. At times it gets bad but going to sleeps usually "resets" my mood. Right now I willingly turned down a life changing decision of a well paying comfy job out of the country. It's like my very self CRAVES misery and the thought of my life getting better is unacceptable to even think about, I get physically sick. I should be put down like the worthless sack of shit that I am.

Been depressed for a long long time. The doctors diagnosed me with ADHD then ten years later admitted it could have been undiagnosed depression.
Nowadays I take meds but they don't really help that much. I kind of gave up on being happy, so I've immersed in escapism. It's half the life I want to live, the other half is consumed by drugs and alcohol.
Does it get better? Probably not, but at least I'm an adult now.

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>>39400021
I haven't been depressed until about I was 21 and started drinking heavily. I'm 23 now don't drink anymore but I've lost all my friends real life and online. I haven't killed myself because I would like to see what I look like at the end of this cut and my boss gives me a glimmer of hope everyday from the stories he tells of himself and his son. Funny how when you want to better yourself by quitting alcohol and partying, and change your life people just abandon you. Surprised even my online friends did too after I started going to bed earlier.

>>39402403
>Yeah, as with all antidepressants don't expect much. They rarely work and are basically giant memes unless you're naive enough to fall for a placebo.

please get out edgy kid
antidepressants do work

I'm mid 20s and have been diagnosed since I was 12

I'm starting to get sick of all these depression dick measuring threads though. It feels like a lot of people use it as a way to gain sympathy. Of course just feeling like that doesn't stop me being depressed, it just makes me frustrated.

>>39400021
Do you think it's possible to lessen the depression by finding others with depression or even trying to go into a relationship with some as depressed as oneself? I hope so. I can't remember when I truly had an happy episode. At age 24 now I lost hope aswell and I don't think it will get any better
>>39400245
:(
And they ask me why I can't get over the hopelessness. God I hate it and I have to go to the hospital tomorrow to listen to the same bs

>>39400021
I've had several episodes like this. The latest one started a little over two years ago and is still ongoing.

Its worth it to say in a thread.
Tell me what happened to you.
Tell me how you feel now.
I've lost touch too.
Now it's all I have for conversation.
So please, give me the satisfaction of companionship, through the only thing I could have in common with anyone.

Depressed since 15 but I wasn't a happy child either. I can't count the times people asked me if I was fine since I was always pretty stoic even as a kid.

They've had me on pills since 11-12 and I've been to a psychiatrist so many times but they don't help you in any way. I can't imagine someone even remotely liking me so I am on the surface content with dying alone but it still hurts.

Little fucking kids mock me.

everything is either boring or horrible
does that mean I'm depressed?