Stupid things you did as a kid.

>>39386073
Well you weren't wrong in that rolling paper around the edge would dull it

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>>39386089
This is a good thread.

>be 6
>wondering if mom would be mad at me if I took a piss on the carpet instead of toilet
>piss on carpet
>mom comes
>beats me with a belt until my ass bleeds and makes me clean it up

>obviously I was right

>Be 7
>Think to myself "today i'm going to dress nicely"
>Put on this kid tuxedo, even a bowtie.
>Go down to eat breakfast like normal.
>Parents is like "wtf?! eh.. go up and change your clothes."
>Be sad.

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>be like 5
>house has a dark no windows room
>supposed to be room for sister-to-be (mom was pregnant)
>didnt know so in my head it was just a dark room
>there is a lone mattress in it
>wonder whats this all about
>mattress probably soaks liquid
>therefore I piss in the mattress instead of going to the toilet
>I think i did it many times

I probably got grounded

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>>39386073
>be me always late waking up for primary school
>think to myself tomorrow I'm going to wake up really early to impress my parents
>wake up around half 5 and get dressed
>go into my parents room to tell them I'm ready
>they tell me it's saturday
>mfw

>>39386727
That's not stupid anon. You have the right to dress however you want to.

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>Be 6
>Have to go pee and my sister is taking an hour long bath in the bathroom
>Wonder if i can just pee in the garbage can
>Go to the kitchen and pee in the garbage can
>Feel accomplished and go back to doing whatever i was doing.
No one ever mentioned it but someone had to have taken that garbage bag out and noticed it was full of piss.

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>smear shit on wall
>tell mom i dont know how it got there

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>Be 5
>Sitting on the toilet with a waterbottle in my hand
>Didn't know how the human body worked yet so i thought i could pee as long as i was drinking water at the same time
>Started drinking and peeing at the same time
>Out of piss
>Really confused as to why it didn't work
>Asked my parests why it didn't work
>All they did was laugh and call me dumb

>open door while driving in the car
>mom has to do a crazy curves to slam the door in my face so i dont fall out

>get in fight with big kid in pre-k
>not gonna fight this kid fair, too tiny
>climb jungle gym
>call him over
>leap off jungle gym
>body slam him
>both wind up in nurse's office

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>be 4
>really liked Donkey Kong 64
>Older brothers liked to take controller from me if I left it alone
>Pissed on the floor where I sat so they couldn't take it

>wonder what its like peeing through a empty toilet paper roll
>uncertain of physics involved and afraid to hit the floor with my pee
>decide peeing in bathtub instead of toilet
>start peeing and carton of paper roll immediately gets soaking wet from my pee
>pee is just trickling down from slurry carton and my warm wet hands
>felt pretty underwhelmed by this experiment

>>39387102
Mark your territory

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>get put into new class
>pee myself
>mom has to bring new pants
>on classtrip
>pee myself
>mom has to bring new pants
>ride my bike
>fall down
>pee myself
my kiddie bladder was the worst

>be really young
>want some cereal
>notice that there's white water in a pot
>pour it into a bowl and make cereal
>notice it tastes bad
>pour it out (at least I hope I did so, I don't really remember)
>a few years later realize it's soap water

>used to hate shitting as a child and would hold in my shit until i physically couldn't any more
>used to shit myself at school (like kindergarten to first grade)
>would go to the restroom and just stuff toilet paper down my shitty underwear and then change when i got home

I'm certain other kids and teachers were aware I'd shat myself but never said anything

>Be young, maybe 4-5
>Wonder if I can bite through a drinking glass
>I could

>>39387358
get the fuck out of here lars that was scary as shit you tard

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>>39386672
>>39386768
>>39386958
>>39387026
>>39387064
>>39387102
>>39387135
this shit is why i'm never ever having children.

fuck no. no amount of roastie """love""" could make me want to raise a pissing machine

>>39387406
imagine going through all of that and then your child is a loser posting on r9k LOL
dont worry you wont have children anyway

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>be 5
>mom is ironing clothing in the living room
>has to go to the kitchen to do some kitchen stuff idk
>turns to me
>"anon, i'm going to go into the other room, this iron is very hot please do not touch this iron"
>"ok mom"
>"so what is the iron?"
>"it's hot!"
>"what do we not do to the iron?"
>"touch it!"
>she leaves the room
>walk up to the iron and place my full palm onto it
>steam comes off of my hand

>>39386768
your parents used to go in that room to get away from you to fuck
you cock blocked your dad by pissing all over his fuck space

>be kid
>cooking myself tomato soup
>put it on full blast and go to sleep
>mom wakes me with house full of smoke and a fucked pot

>>39387432
>dont worry you wont have children anyway
i know, anon, no reason to act so condescending

>>39387523
sorry didnt mean it like that were all in the same boat

>be 5
>mom has a shitty tattoo of her initials on the back of her neck that she hates
>think that everybody in the world has their initials marked on the back of their neck
>mom has some sort of christmas gathering at our house
>proceed to check peoples necks at the dinner table and ask them for their initials

>decided I want buttered toast
>forget the proper order in which buttered toast is made
>apply butter to bread
>place bread in toaster
>ticktickticktickticktick
>toaster catches fire
>wtf
>older sister walks in
>"WHAT HAPPENED ANON"
>me screaming in toddler fashion
>I JUST WANTED BUTTER ON MY TOAST

>>39387131
It was my fucking game dammit

>>39387549
its okay then
I guess this place made me way too defensive about everything
no wonder no girl wants to go out with such a defensive fucking pussy