AHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK IT'S MY FIRST DAY OF WORK WHAT DO I DO

theres nothing you can do you will forever be the doofus who shit himself his first day

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>>39367561
>first day
>trusting a fart

>>39367561
haha disgusting faggot

>>39367689
FUCK DUDE FUCK I KNOW. I NEED TO STOP TAKIG ADDY ITS WRECKING MY INTESTINES

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT AHHHHHHHHHH

>>39367561
Never change america never change.
Seriously though, just sit down and let everyone in the office wonder why it smells like shit

>>39367815
IVE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR 20 MINUTES IM ABOUT TO JUST FUCKING LEAVE. I DONT CARE, I CAN GET ANOTHER JOB

Just go command. Splash your ass with toilet water and dispose of shitty underwear

throw them out and freeball it

>>39367850
>Implying he wasnt commando already

>>39367850
Realistically, OP, just do this.

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>>39367561
lick it clean, eat your shit its healthy and natural
then throw away undies, wash your ass, where do you see a problem?

>>39367561
Clean the shit up with soap and water. If that doesn't work, wrap it in paper towels from the bathroom and throw it all the way to the bottom of the bin. After that you're freeballing, so don't do anything that's going to make you sweat.

>>39367561
throw em away and freeball it.

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>>39367561
holy shit anon your done for

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>tfw missed the toilet and pissed a huge stain on the outside of my pants during my first week at my first job
thankfully I did not have to be much around others for the rest of that day

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>>39368069
>piss stream splits out of nowhere and splashes on my pants

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>>39367963
>natural
what about it is natural? its literally what your body decides it doesnt need in its system

>>39367561
We need a timestamp to prove you aint b8in us m8ie 3.14

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>>39368069
FUCKING THIS
Happened to me the first week, I'm so glad it was in the ER so I pretended like I accidentally spilled some patient's urine sample on my uniform. I took it off and put a hospital gown which is for patients but everybody does it so no one gives a shit.

Dodged a fucking bullet there.

>>39367561
YOU ONLY HAD TO POO IN THE LOO

>>39368301
Stop masturbating so often, split streams mean your urethra is partially obstructed with semen.

>>39367561
I did image search no results.....

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And this is one of the reasons I have a fear of working.

>>39367561
Go to the bathroom, clean up, and go commando for the rest of the day. Don't trust any more farts, man. Whenever you gotta fart, just run to the bathroom.

>>39367561
This is what happens when you down on dragon dildos too many times.

Today was my first day at work too and I too almost shit myself.

It was only a 15 minute drive but right before I got there my stomach started hurting so bad that I was just gonna turn around and go home, but then the guy who hired me saw me and waved me over so I couldn't leave.

So I walk up and he greets me and the very first thing is bolt to the port-o-potty.
I go in and like 4 shits came out each one rocking the entire floor like a thud like bodies hitting the floor.
So this was my introduction.

>>39367846
No don't do that anon, just throw your underwear in the trash and just try to not shart in mart for the rest of the day

Is this a fat persons problem? I can fairly surmise if a fart is a gas or liquid.

>>39368447
why do dogs do it then

>>39369095

If it was a construction job you have easily laughed that off to him

>>39369739
Same reason they eat grass, to make themselves vomit when sick.

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>>39368301
>shake my dick to get the rest of it out
>put it back in my pants
>feel some piss leak out
>check myself
>piss spot bled through my underwear onto my pants

>>39367561
Paper towels. Lots and lots of paper towels.

>>39368888
Ding dong, your opinion is wrong

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guys there's nothing embarrassing about this
no one will notice

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>>39370840
This. Get some high quality dips and never worry about shitting yourself again.

>>39367850
>Just go command. Splash your ass with toilet water and dispose of shitty underwear
This is what I did when I shit my undies

and dispose of them discretely - wrap it in toilet paper until its a giant ball, throw that ball out in the woman's bathroom

>>39369444
No; it's not just a fat person problem, unfortunately.

>>39367561
Ignore all the poor, beta advice in this thread, op. Own it!

>Walk up to all of your new coworkers
>Guess what I just did?!
>I shit my pants!
You will be the most popular guy around for at least a day or two.

>>39371996
>>39370840
Get off /r9k/ please

>>39372145
>fap
>cum in it
>post fapping piss
>sleep super compfy
>morning piss
all without getting up

happen to me a few days ago

>be manager of a retail store
>some cuckold newbie messes up at work
>i get informed
>call him into my office
>yell at him so hard i shat myself
>fire him the next day

>>39370256
>Take a piss while taking a shit
>Piss goes through the space in between the seat and the toilet
>And onto my pants

S H A R T

originally

>>39370256
>>39372264
The trick on this one is to just splash a little more water on yourself at the sink. Wet your face and hair.
>Yeah, it seems I got a little overzealous splashing some water on my face. Oops.

>>39372195
You need to go to a Mental institute