"Hey there champ; how are you holding up? Just another Friday

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Haha fuck that, what's the point of being a tryhard? There's no fucking prize at the end. Get drunk, smoke pot, and jack off. Nobody was born to pay bills and then die.

>>39309833
Actually I'm still at work, just phoneposting.

Nice dubs btw imaginary dad, miss you

>ywn go late-night job hunting with your Dad, listening to the Drive soundtrack and giving every manager in sight a firm handshake, afterwards getting tendies from Chick-fil-A

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>>39309886
"This isn't a discussion, champ. Your mother and I both know you have so much potential. From the moment I saw you wriggling in your mother's arms with my own eyes I knew you'd be something great--there just wasn't any if's and/or but's about it. Your mother already ironed your dress shirt and left it on the door. Since I never bought you a tie, I think it's only fair to pass down your grandpappy's favorite onto you tonight. Now come on, champ, I'll be waiting in the car outside. We can discuss firm handshaking techniques along the way."

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>>39310075
Haha yup, you go wait in the car while I do a couple more bongs and look for the nipple clips.

>>39309923
>>39310075
I firmly shook your hand, answer me!

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>>39309923
"I love you too, champ; your birth was one of the best days of our lives. Having a child, raising them from the ground up, and sending 'em off from the nest prepared to take the world head-on is one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can have, and I want you to know that feeling too. Remember champ, we're only doing this for your own good. After all, I know that the only way to open up that door of opportunity is to firmly grab its knob and give it a handshake. Now let's get going, champ."

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>>39310110
"Get in the CAR, Sonji"

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>>39310313
Why don't you go out to the garage and start it up. Don't worry about the door, I'll get it. Roll the windows down. Just hold on, I'll be right there.

I really love these threads.

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>>39310489
"Haha don't keep me waiting too long now, champ! Your mother's planning a special treat for us when we get back. Best not to keep her waiting. And remember champ: firm handshakes. It's the first step to your new future, champ."

>>39310624
Okay dad! I'm ready to enter the workforce. Where to first?

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>>39310680
Dad suicided in the garage like the loser he is. You're the man of the house now honey, luckily I bought that insurance. No more talk of that work nonsense. Come to bed, mommy needs her little man ;)

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>>39310680
"I'm glad you finally came down, champ. The time of day--or should I say night--we're doing this was making your old man a bit sleepy! Regardless, I'm willing to stay up till dawn if it means getting you a job, champ. I thought the first place we could shoot up could be my good friend Hilbert's bakery down by Bluebirds. I talked with him before and I think you got a good shot, champ. They're in need of a cashier, so I think you should fit in just fine with your number-crunching aptitude and all. All Ol' Hilbert wants is to meet up with you first. Remember champ, the first step to a good impression is looking them straight in the eyes and giving them a firm handshake. None of that "limp fish" stuff around here, champ. Now, let's get going."

>>39310861
These threads give me meaning and hope.

>>39310731
This is a pretty r9k turn of events.

>>39310861

Th-thanks dad, but what I really want is an ltgf

Dad can you pull over? I need to pee and can't hold it

Fuck you dad, you worthless fuck. Hey maybe if you raised me better i wouldnt be such a NEET. Im just waiting for you and mom to die anyway. I will live on your inheritance and NEETbux.

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>>39311006
"All right champ, we're here. Hilbert will probably be working the front counter and tonight seems slow, so there won't be anybody in the queue. If he isn't up front, just give him a call, he already recognizes your face from the family photo I keep in my wallet. Now go and get 'em, champ. Remember what I taught you: firm handshakes all the way. I'll be waiting here in the car."

Hello Mr. Hilbert
>Stares at the store clerk's face
>Grabs hand and violently shakes it.
>Runs back into the car
d-did I do good?

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>>39311141
"Champ, I decided to give you two a bit of privacy and stare into the moonlight instead. It was a night just like this that I met your mother with a firm handshake and we danced the darkness away. Nevertheless, I believe in you champ and your handshaking skills, but we're not done yet. Next stop is my good friend Gilbert's (Hilbert's brother) pizza place. Even if by some chance Hilbert doesn't give you the job, we aren't giving up that easily, champ. We raised you better than that. Now let's get this DeLorean another go."

>>39311249
Hello Mr. Gilbert
>Stares at the pizza man's face
>Grabs hand and shakes it with the confidence of a Chad.
May I please have a job?

i love these fucking threads. thx for posting anon

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>>39311285
"Mamma mia t-this handshake! The color, the texture...the firmness--it can't-a be! I've only felt-a this type of a grasp-a once before, it's no questioning that you must be his-a son! Young man, you start-a tomorrow at 8:00 AM sharp. It will-a be a pleasure working with you now doubt-a. I'll call your-a father right away-a. Arrivederci!"

>>39311502
>color of a handshake
??????

This thread made me cry.

I miss my dad

We did it bots! We got a job! Dad will be so proud!

>>39311502
Fuck you I won't work for a dirty spaghetti nigger

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"Champ, I just got the call from Gilbert but that look on your face says it all. I'm proud of you, son. Your mother thought it would be a good idea to bake some of those chicken tender treats you enjoy as a lil' reward for our job hunt tonight, and I can certainly say you've earned 'em. The confidence you showed as you left the car each time told me there were certainly a few firm handshakes to be had this night. Now let's get ourselves to bed. Early to bed early to rise I always say. I'll be dropping you off at work tomorrow and then going to mine. And I'll even say it again: I'm proud of you, champ. Now let's go home."

Dads just going to start uniquely bitching in 6 months about your crappy pizza place job

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Wallpaper for those few who don't want Dad always looking at them--but who doesn't?

God I wish my dad loved me

>>39309833
OK dad, that could actually be interesting i always wondered how deer tasted.

>>39311681
can i get a 1920x1080 version of this wallpape with dad in it

>>39311926
"'Course you can, champ. Now I'll fully admit that I'm no "tech-wiz" like you kids these days, but I feel rather proud with how it turned out. Just needed a bit of elbow grease and firm handshakes to the tick-tack board, you know. champ?"
http://imgur.com/a/vVqaX

>>39311681
NO! Is this the end of champposting?

>tfw I literally got a job after giving a store manager a firm handshake

I think he likes these threads

>>39311502
Has this copypasta ever gotten this far? Holy shit champ got himself a job.