Give me pictures to write about

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>>39289468
So you fancy ya self a writer huh?
Write me something bout this then.

>>39289501
You know the yeti, you know bigfoot, you may even know chupacabra. All great mythological creatures in their time, but alas, not real. Until now.

Flat earth followers finally flew their drone beyond the ice barrier of Antarctica, and before the drone was shot down, they manage to capture and stream this single image. The fuzziness could be accounted to multiple things. The poor signal from distance or the snow storm, the bullet striking the device. But regardless, the flat earth society finally has their one irrefutable piece of evidence. The legendary snowfootacabra. His posture displays a deep longing. A wishing to be free. Perhaps nasa won't allow it to wander as its nature dictates. Perhaps its kind was hunted to extinction. In any case, the snowfootacabra needs your help. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is the largest animal rights organization in the world, with more than 6.5 million members and supporters. For just pennies a day, you can help us free this poor, innocent creature. Please find it in your hearts to help this beautiful being. Donate in the next five minutes and you'll receive this limited edition snowfootacabra t-shirt. Please, call now.

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>>39289840
>The legendary snowfootacabra.
You're alright Anon don't go to school tomorrow.
Do you mind if I post another picture and go again?

>>39289985
Go for it, I have no friends and I have no plans

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>>39289468
Thanks in advance anon, people liek you are what r9k needs

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>>39290022
Thanks
Nice dubs by the way

>>39290049
Another day, another 15 minutes I find myself gawking at the girl of my dreams in the classroom. She was everything a man could want in a girl. The cute, shoulder-length hair. Beautiful breasts perfectly perpendicular with her stance, even when leaning forward. Her posture which offers such little stability; just a taste of the adrenaline she makes me feel. Her fat middle finger, her shrunken fingers... She was just The One.

But me? I'm just a Naruto-style guy with a flattened Jimmy Neutron hair-do. Sweat drips from my brow as I contemplate how to approach the epitome of the human race. I somehow work up the courage about a week ago.

Stumbling towards her, tripping over my own feet, I mumble a hello. She offers a peace sign; nice, she comes in peace. We're off to a good start. I touch my finger to my mouth, wondering what to say next. "What those fingers do?" I blurt out. That was it. I reeled her in like a dripping wet trout on a hot summer day, she flopped against the floor of my paddleboat as I smiled down at her trembling form. It was then I realize that her stance had left her unstable. She was on the floor; I tripped and fell on her. Foamy spit dripped from my mouth and onto her cheeks. I felt hands pull at my shoulders, pulling me off her frail body. "Gotta blast!" I ran out the door, followed by a scent of human feces.

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>>39290479
Man thanks for the laughs and the unexpected feels. My oneitis, the girl (terribly) pictured here always used to say "gotta blast".

IT HURTS SO MUCH

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How about this one? Seems pretty original

Suicide false alarm from a friend. Back to our regularly scheduled shitposting. I'll start here; >>39290094

Halloween was always a special time for me back home. We loved carving pumpkins and baking the seeds, we decorated the house for trick-or-treaters and went door-to-door for candy ourselves. One year, when I was young, I went as iron man. I was so proud of my iron man costume, one day I wore it under my clothes to school; I just loved it so much. But that's a story for a different day.

What people don't understand about my illness, is its not just the feeling of a loved one's skin I miss. It's not just wiping my own ass or putting my own clothes on. It's the memories life the ones I have of Halloween that feel like distant memories, and today I'm condemned to go door-to-door as stephen hawking, assuming I can find someone who will push me to their doorstep.

October 29th 2016, I had enough. I knew my brother was cleaning the neighbor's in-ground pool for money, and I knew they'd leave the gate open for him. He was still sleeping when I summoned all the strength I had left in me. I tugged at my wheels until I felt inches from death, then tugged more. I pushed into the gate, to the pool, and took the dive.

Paralysis didn't allow me to feel the freezing water on my skin, it didn't allow me to feel myself suffocating. I didn't feel the water fill my lungs. All I felt was the beautiful sound of bubbles rushing by my ears in another, peaceful world. I was free.

I awoke in the ER. My chest was arching and trembling; I could see I was struggling to breathe. Water shot from my mouth and into my eyes.

When it was over, an ambulance sent me to the mental hospital. It was Halloween. The room filled with mediocre decorations, they slipped a poorly-made jack-o-lantern mask over my head.

What people don't understand about my disease, is I'm nothing but a turtle laying on it's back. I'm a possum playing dead in the middle of the street. (cont.)

>>39290094
>>39291238
Each tire passes inches from my helpless body, a tease but refusing to land the blow. ALS is the moment the psychiatrist asks what's wrong before realizing my lips can't form the words. ALS is being a soul condemned to being a spectator; being stuck in a chair unable to act, no; you just watch. The picture you see here is that of a defeated soul. Anyone who tells you hell isn't a place on earth is a damn liar.

>>39290906
I slip into my designer jammies and slump in my chair. Have you ever been so exhausted you can't bring yourself to sleep? The feeling has become all too familiar to me as I contemplate my eternity each night, hands folded in thought.

It's not easy being the king of hell. Torturing unborn fetuses that never found the lord, endless ethiopians that never heard His holy name.There's cancer patients that gave up on Him, there's people that just never quite found the message they needed to hear. But those aren't the ones who get to me.

Each night, I contemplate this special place in hell. A corner segregated from the rest, not permitted to pervert the plane with their sins. I'm talking, of course, of the jews.

The jews at first glance are an interesting bunch. The hell they inhabit consists of endless pennies thrown into lakes of fire, and instinct has them jump in each time, the penny just out of reach, and their last sight is the view of their burning jew friends seen through the smoke of their own burning flesh. The jew then returns to the lake's edge, and repeats this for eternity.

The problem is, these jews, they somehow always end up getting a penny. Against all odds and logic, each jew has a whole stack of pennies. And when i take these pennies away, soon enough they have them again. I just can't wrap my head around it.

Here are the guys that control the world, that killed our Savior, that deserve Damnation, and yet even in hell they somehow get their coin. What kind of ruler of hell am I to allow such a horrible thing?

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ayo here u go senpai

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cool thred opee

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MURKEM

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I really hope OP is still here.

>>39291801
I like this one, so I'm doing you first.

Many people just don't understand Polysexuality. It doesn't mean an open relationship, it doesn't mean I'm a whore. It means that I like my cutePartner to touch Xis slip-and-slide wet pu-thang while my other boyfriend touches my nipple penis. I sit with my other hand touching my other nipple penis, and my Genital Penis slipping from my cute pink panties. All the while, my other partner is having phone sex, and I'm listening to My Chemical Romance.

Other people just don't respect my relationships. So what if I have multiple partners? So what if I'm a girl with three penises? I'm a feminist because girls like me deserve respect. Polygamy is natural and just as real as monosexual love. If you follow me, please feel free to like and reblog this and add your own experiences. Please also sign the change.org petition [here] to legalize all polysexual relationships. Thank you!
-SelfDiagnosisIsOkay.tumblr.com

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>select all content with bannanas

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only babies eat these

>>39292026
(Another good one)
Back in Ohio, the country has its fair share of memorable bars. Some with shitty food and soggy fries, others with watered-down beers and mediocre chicken wings. But these country bars had something no city bar could offer; character.

I became a regular at a bar named The Iron Pony. I knew the owner, all the waitresses, and they all knew me. Sometimes a day drinker, sometimes a night drinker; whatever felt right that day. I collect disability for an unfortunate incident that occurred at a factory job, and I'm left with plenty to time to spend the whole day there, or just a quick beer. I pick up girls most nights, bang them, then never talk to them again, just like any other bar hopper.

One day, a girl with thick glasses, short jean shorts and a flannel shirt sits down at the bar a few seats away. Nervous, like it was one of her first few nights out drinking. So I offer her a drink, she smiles and accepts, and within an hour I have her giggling at everything I say between hiccups. I ask her to come home with me. I saw hesitation flicker in her eyes, but was quickly wiped away y a wide smile. She hopped in my truck and we were on our way.

I led her into my bedroom and opened my closet, and showed her the choices. Her jaw dropped with excitement, almost disbelief. So many fur suits for her to choose from. Whether she'd like to be a bunny, a fox, a wolf, a bear, a sea otter... She could be anything she wanted to be, I assured her with a smile. Her shock soon turned to disgust. "You fucking creep!" She lifted her bag from the bed and slung it over her shoulder, bending over to pick her phone off the ground. I seized the opportunity. Before she could stand, the door was slammed, her jeans ripped off, the tail slipped on, my penis slipped inside her, a cloth wrapped over her nose and mouth.

When she came to, I sat on the toilet, giving her her options. Stay, and be happy with me, or go. "I think I should go.." She managed.(cont.)

>>39292400
>>39292026
I banged her then. Hard. The cold metal of the tire iron met her skull and an audible crack echoed against the tile walls. I then slipped back inside her, one last time, as the life left her eyes.

From my shed, I lugged the barrel of acid I kept for all the girls I had to bang. Tears streamed from my face as I watched her skin bubble and fall from the bones into a pool that was once a beautiful girl. It's unfortunate to have to bang so many women, but they just don't love me the way they should, so I just hit it and quit it.

>>39291833
interested to see this story get written, to be honest.

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please write about this please and thank you

>>39291782
It was supposed to be like any other mission. My partner and I would be in and out, just like that. We'd plant the mic and the van would pick us up at the corner, and we'd be home free. Except the car never came.

We never heard what came of our escape route. We've lost all contact with the squad, and any attempt would be intercepted by the enemy. So we did all we could do; we hid in the closet and hoped to be rescued. Instead, the enemy came home with his surprisingly beautiful lover. He laid on the bed and the girl draped her slender body over his, their lips beginning as a slow embrace but in just moments clothes flew into the air passionately. I eyed my partner, Joe, awkwardly and he offered a sympathetic smile. I could see the lump in his legs and I knew what would happen next. "Come on barbie, let's just party for old times sake."

The mission had me away from Kent for too long, and Joe's charm was just too irresistible. Our clothes came off as we cautiously cleared a space big enough for us to make love. But the door creaked open, and soon the enemy's eyes fell on our naked bodies.
What happened next is a blur. A few lines of "Special K" later, the bed creaked under the weight of our four bodies, the scent of passion filling the room. I don't know who I am, what the mission is, who these people are, where I am, I really don't know anything. I can hardly feel my body. But I know one thing.

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l wanna see you do this one, OP

>>39291833
(This one will for sure be depersonalization because I don't know what I'm looking at)

It all changed when the armored Uncircumcised attacked. We sent our best men at those damn cocks, but their extra skin proved to be to their advantage. But let me introduce myself. I, am Pablo, and this is my son Carlos.
Pablo and Son is our mercenary company. We're a two-man team; he shoots them in the dick, and I circumcise the motherfucks. While they send their soldiers in waves to die at the hand of the Uncircumcised, we swoop in from the upper-ledges. I dig my blade into the cocks, and Carlos aims for the balls. We have over 300 confirmed kills, and well beyond that in just circumcisions and defertilization. Their numbers are dwindling, and soon mexico will be rid of the massive Cocks from the north. The blood is great, the pay is alright, but nothing compares to the pride I take in ridding Mexico of these illegal immigrant dickheads.

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ADSJFKLASFA;AFLS

>>39290049
God the girl in this picture is so fucking cute and pure. Please draw another one of her.

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feel da fear bitch

>>39292331
"Only babies eat these," he said as he gently juggled the ghost pepper between his hands. "Don't you want to try a really hot pepper?" Billy said with a smile. "You know, you're a real pretentious asshole, you know that?" I replied. Chicken noises were his response, of course. "Alright, I'll try your stupid pepper." His expression grew grim. He drew his middle finger to his lip and gestured for me to follow him. We went into his bedroom, and he shut the door behind us and locked it. He peeled back his carpet from the corner of the room to reveal a massive pentagram in the center, which I unknowingly stood on. Inscriptions and illegible languages outlined every stroke of the occult symbol, and circles of burnt flooring marked the edge of the circle. He gathered black candles from a drawer and placed them on the old charred parts of the floor. His voice reached a depth I had never heard from a human before; his words echoing as if repeated with just a seconds' delay. The curtains drew themselves closed, the drawers slammed open and shut, then a sudden calmness set in the room; an unnatural unpleasant ease. A burst of light shot from the ceiling; a single pepper slammed down, stopping only an inch from the floor, suspended midair. "Take the pepper," said whispers all around me. Bright white eyes dotted the dark walls, all telling me to take the pepper. In that moment, I knew it was my life's purpose. This was the highest point in my life; the most crucial moment I would ever have. It was my responsibility to the human race to eat this pepper; my one and only destiny. I was the chosen messiah for this pepper, and my friend knew all along. He looked at me, his face filled with sorrow. "This is your moment. The fate of humanity is in your hands." As I reached for the pepper, I felt the universe shake. Not the room around me or even matter, no; the spiritual fiber of the universe. (cont.)

>>39292923
>>39292331
I felt time move backwards, forwards, and smash into a singularity as if everything before and after and that has ever been or ever will be converged into this single point; a defining factor in the course of not just human existence, but the entire fabric of everything in existence in every single timeline in every single dimension. My hand felt the burning red skin of the pepper, and I pulled it from its invisible podium, examining the shining glow. I shrugged. "I'm not really feeling it bro." Billy looked at me, shrugging. "Alright, think about it, and let me know soon, because Josh might want to do it." Okay thanks I'll let you know."

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>>39289468

this is the kind of thread that makes me like r9k
good job

>>39292584
One of Van Gogh's lesser-known pieces of art, this piece, creatively named 1468541259397 is unfairly unappreciated. In the months leading to Van Ghogh's presumed suicide, he poured his soul into this portrait; that of a wide-smiled boy with glistening eyes. The picture has a magical, awe-inspiring vibe to it, but closer examination provides a morbid reality.

First, the smile seems forced; faked. Like a smile you give through tears to someone failing to cheer you up but you admire their efforts. The smile is that of someone who can acknowledge that others care, but knows better to think that they can help. A smile that knows it's too late for you; a hope that your demise won't harm your loved ones.

Second, the eyes are glistening and lack focus. The eyes stare blankly into space, not at the viewer, not in any specific direction; nowhere. They glisten from tears welling up inside them, the undersides of the eyes puffy with the oncoming and continuous sobs of pain. The sobs from someone who has lost all hope, who can't even find the energy to brush their hair, or wipe the oil from their face. The last thing worth examining, is the color of his shirt. Green is a color that often represents new beginnings, like the coming of the spring. Perhaps this piece was Van Gogh's last cry for help; a hope that someone will appreciate the cold winter he endured and assist him in finding his spring. But alas, this piece remained unnoticed, a portrait of a man that's lack of reception killed his creator.

>>39292612
My parents loved my husband more than I ever could; they promised he'd bring me a full, happy life with kids and a big home. I instead got microwaved popcorn, campbell's soup, rusty pans and cabinets without drawers. I became a bitter woman in my old age as my old, infertile husband let himself wither further and further into nothing. And it gets much worse.

I always knew something was off about him. I married young, pressured by my mother. "You won't stay average-looking forever," she'd always told me. But this shy, insecure old man was never who I had in mind. But I never quite knew what it was for certain.

I was going out one night, going christmas shopping for my nieces and nephews, and he kept asking when I'd come home. I was getting frustrated that night, and yelled "whenever I damn feel like it carl!" I slammed the door behind me and headed for the mall before realizing I forgot my purse. I turned around, went home.

I opened the bedroom door to see my ex husband (right) and another man in a fur suit (left) having wild Anal Sexual Intercourse in our bed. I watched for a few hours to be certain, but I knew it was true. He was a furry. I'm the first in my entire family to get a divorce, and the shame it has brought me is awful. "Why didn't you just wear a tail sometime?" "Maybe you were a cover up." I didn't know where else to go, so please help me out here /lgbt/... Is it my fault?

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I appreciate what you're doing OP

>>39293338
this image has had me laughing for a good five minutes and this thread has kept me busy for a good 2 hours, the pleasure is mine.

Its a family tradition that for every male's birthday, he extinguished the candles with his urine. The belief was that urine carried a small amount of his DNA, and bits of it would evaporate, slipping into the atmosphere; a constant drop in the bucket, so to speak. Our females, in turn, did nothing because women are property. When they turn 18 they start stripping, that's it.

Our lineage comes from a long history of success, from part-time landscapers to full time bartenders. The women don't make much stripping, they're all pretty ugly besides my niece, who's actually pretty hot. Me though, I made it big. I saved my landscaping money until I could finally afford one of those fancy John Deers. I started mowing the neighbors' lawns, which used a lot of gas because our nearest neighbor was a mile down the road, but the pay was good. I moved out after a few years and went to the suburbs, I always was a little rebellious. I met a cute girl (on right) who is definitely a female, and now we're dating. The guy on the left is a childhood friend of mine. We gathered for my birthday and I guess my family ritual didn't sit well with my baby. My friend laughed at her discomfort, familiar with the tradition, but she stared in shock. I always knew she had a little feminist in her. But that dumb bitch stands up without saying a word and makes for the door. I jump down from the chair and in front of the door and yell, "hippity hoppety women are property!" and my friend closes in behind her, bringing a glass beer bottle to the back of her head. That dumb bitch is gone now, I always knew I couldn't find better than my niece. She was paying rent though, so I gotta move back home with ma and pa.

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Completely original never seen before post

>>39292286
I always dreamed of being a model and practiced doing some amateur shots. I had the body, the skin, the eyes. But every modeling agency told me the same thing. My jawline just wasn't right. I approached more plastic surgeons than i could count; they all said my head is too small, they can't shave it down without making my head inhumanly narrow. So I sit here, writing this note, taking my final picture. Broad jawed is beautiful. So what if my head is square? So what if my lips are inappropriately too close to the chin I don't have. I'm not a cube-head, I'm beautiful. Please, don't let girls like me do this. It's too late for me, but not them. Broad is beautiful. I'm sorry everyone. Also please like my recent on insta its nudecelebsforfree, thank you. Goodbye cruelly-correctly-proportioned-jaw world.

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5/9 WORLDWIDE

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>>39289468
Damn, OP.
You're pretty good at this.
Especially for just writing shit up on the spot.

>>39293773
I'd bring it back sometime when I get bored again but that'd make it unoriginal and we can't have that.

I met this cute guy at a bar, he offered me a few drinks and I figured, hey, what the hell? I was getting pretty tipsy when he invited me to his place. My drunkenness arm-wrestled my caution and won, and I climbed into his truck and we were on our way. He lead me up to his bedroom and he showed me his fursuit collection. "uhh.." My intoxication and shock had me at a loss for words, and I could tell he read my disgusted look. Anger filled his eyes unlike I had ever seen before, as if pure hatred radiated out of his pulsing pupils. I made for the door and tripped, and he ran past me, out the door, to lock it from the outside with a key. I've been in and out of consciousness, I think he drugged me, and every so often, he giggles behind the door, "which suit will you choose?" There's a panda, a fox, a dog, a cat, a wolf, and a lion... This is my damn life on the line and it lays in the hand of a fucking furry. I pick the fox; furries love foxes. I put on the costume and note the smell of blood, sweat and feces on the inside of the suit. I knock on the door, and stutter, "I'm ready." The lock clicks and opens wide, revealing my captor. He dressed in full jewish garbs, finished with the yarmulke. He held fist-fulls of coins and begins tossing them with startling strength at my feet. "Dance for me, goy!" The pennies sting my feet and I hop in pain, and he laughs more, "stupid goy whore, dance!" I hopped on alternating feet easing myself slowly towards him while he howled with laughter at my pain. While his eyes closed with hysterical delight, I struck his adam's apple. His yarmulke flew from his head and across the room. I slipped out the door, only briefly glimpsing at the writhing jew on the floor.

>>39294174
I haven't laughed this much in a long time. You have a gift.

>>39289840
>Flat earth followers
>Drone

2/10 realism
10/10 shitpost

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here you go anone this one is pretty comfy

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I am empty.
I would love to restart from zero.

I'm not OP.

>>39294927
Jeremy sat at the bus stop bench, thinking about his lot in life. Gregory sat next on the ground next to him as Jeremy said that he wasn't good enough for the seat yet.
"You know what?" Jeremy asked no-one in particular.
"What?" replied Gregrory, who had often been regarded as "no-one in particular" by all those who met him.
"Sometimes I feel like giving it all up. Becoming like one of those Tibetan monks that they have in China. Like I could just give away my entire identity and all that I own to someone who needed it and start again as a clean slate."
Gregory stared up at Jeremy, his eyes full of hope.
"Really?"
"Of course, it's a very noble gesture. Makes a man more worthy of entering the kingdom of heaven when he inevitably carks it."
"Maybe...I could take your place?"
Jeremy paused, reconsidering his existential crisis.
"On second thoughts, no."
Gregory's heart sank, as it often did.
"But I tell you what I'll do." Jeremy continued. "You can be the one to make the noble gesture. You can cast your name aside, leave all your possessions to whoever wants them and fuck off to China."
Gregory considered this gift from multiple angles, trying to work out how it would benefit him.
"Thank you?"
"You're welcome, my friend."
As Gregory forlornly wandered off (trying to work out how he could get to China with only twenty dollars in loose change), Jeremy watched the sunset.
"Sometimes, I'm just too generous for my own good."

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Robot Lincoln

i want the words out of my brain

stealing the next person to post under me from OP

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Pretty fucking great thread OP

>>39295870

"You're gonna fucking talk, Vincent. Your own mother sold you out. And your own mother will be here to involuntarily splash about in the spatter of your blood pool if you DON'T talk soon. You can't keep your eyes on them forever. They can't help you hear. You might be able to see them, but they can't see you. They can't hear you, they can't feel you, they don't give a fuck. So let's just make this easy. You give me the coordinates, I walk away from here, I leave you and your mother to the care of our highest safety officials, I get you a clean slate. What the fuck is it gonna be, Vincent? You wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?"

"Neigh."

>>39295870

Alternate: "Who's a good boy? Who's a cutie boy? Whoooooo's my favorite boy? Whom? Youm!"

"Janice not while my friends are here please."

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Give us your best

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asdfghjkloiuytrewertyujhvcvvcv

>>39296007
dmt? opium? no

soy sauce

john dies at the end

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You should write something about this image.

>>39295950
>>39296362
nice way to kill the thread eh

>>39296088
OP here dropping by to say the movie was a disgrace to the book.

I'll write more soon if I find the energy to get out if bed

>>39296362
FUCKING FURFAG GET THE FUCK OFF MY BOARD

>>39297394
i forgot there was a book holy wow

a trip to the library is in order

>>39297932
There's John Dies at The End, and This Book is Full of Spiders(?). I read them both first, was honestly very disappointed in the movie. I really wanted to like it.

OP here again. I'm enjoying doing this and for the sake of simplicity, so I don't have to be making new threads/checking on them, I'm considering making a subreddit. I know reddit is trash, but at least it's organized. Good idea, or not?