Stories of misunderstood jokes

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>be me 3rd grade
>indoor recess
>not many toys so we just did shit impressions to make each other kek
>do drunk impression, thought it was funny
>kid tells on me to teacher who already hated me
>teacher calls home
>parents stay after school to talk to teacher
>mfw i get in school suspension

I tell story later, but for now I bump.

>Be 11 years old
>Black kid calls me "blondie"
>I call him "blacky"

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>be me
>girl mentions how she was once technically dead for some reason
>I put my hand up and ask if she is alive now
>she looks at me weird and answered in the affirmative
>everyone looked at me weird
>I chickened out and didn't say part two, which was the most important part.
>everyone just thinks I was calling her ugly

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>>39281438
>blacky
My fuckin' sides

in english class highschool
ratio is 2 guys to 8 girls
girl laughs at a lot of stuff
I try imitating as a joke to show how easily she laughs/flirt
My fake laughs sounds like a horse
>Everyone looks at me
>"wtf anon thats mean"

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>>39280344
>be me in 6th Grade
>We play a game with the class called "freeze"
>two people act out a scene and someone from the crowd calls "freeze"
>then that person taps one of the actors shoulder and he continues with a new improv scene
>be me and tell freeze
>two a kid and resume action
>decide to act out a shooting with the entire audience being hostage
>I get grabbed by the teacher and kicked from the school for two weeks

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>be 23 at the time
>at a drinking normie drinking party
>getting loose and feeling good
>start telling jokes
>going pretty well
>remember a jay Hickman joke from my childhood memories
>"I get arrogant when I get drunk. I'll go to the bathroom and hold my 2 big dick like a baseball bat and piss on my last three fingers. That or I'll pull out some hair and piss in my pants."
>normies think I'm being serious
>omg anon has a baby dick
>did inside when girls started asking at work how big my duck was

It's on 5.5 inches but shit.

>on the phone with a friend
>he mentions that tyler's sister is a slut
>don't actually think she is but
>unthinkingly agree
>"haha yea, tyler's sister is such a slut"
>tyler was in the room with him
>the phone was on speaker

>sitting in 8th grade science class
>grouped with my friend and 2 girls
>whisper something to my friend
>borrowing a pencil or something
>he yells out for everyone to hear
>"wtf dude jenna is NOT a slut!!"
>jenna is sitting right next to us
>she thinks i just called her a slut
>likes my friend for 'defending her'
>hates me for the rest of school
>all her friends hate me now too

> package got delivered to neighbors
> Ring neighbors bell, door opens
> Dog barks and runs out of the hallway
> Neighbor yells 'get him'!
> Catch dog and lift him up.
> Felt good I was able to catch him
> Neighbor was commanding to dog obviously

>>39281844
What the fuck is this image dude. is this your first day on 4cban and you dont know how to save or crop pictures?

>>39281532
>well jeez, you look like you've all seen a ghost

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>be in primary school
>probably about what Americans call 3rd grade
>sat in a circle taking it in turns to tell jokes to the class
>pretty mediocre shit
>"why did the chicken" etc
>want to push the bar but can't think of anything
>suddenly a bright idea hits me
>gets to my turn in the circle
>teacher says "anon it's your turn"
>I start forcing until I'm bright red and veins are forcing out my temple
>BBBRRRAAAAAAPPPPPPPP
>sit smugly waiting for uproar of laughter
>it doesn't come
>face starts dropping
>an icey wave of silence washes over me
>feel myself welling up a bit
>"anon go stand outside"
>I stare at the floor and stand up
>accidentally let out a little *brropp* as I'm standing up
>"now anon!"
>speed shuffle out of the room as the teacher apologises on my behalf

And that's how I became autistic

>>39281880
haha, this is like the anon who avoided getting mugged by saying he already had plenty of knives at home

>>39281861
those aren't jokes...

> invited for birthday party
> Dont know anybody accept the one who threw it.
> Just standing there in a circle with nothing to say.
> Some guy is joking a bit about going home.
> Said he will cuddle with his dog on the couch as soon he's home.
> someone comments its gay to do so.
> Ask the guy if his dog is male.

Only after the guy bursted out laughing. I realised how stupid the question was.

>job interview
>"so why should we hire you?"
>freeze up
>people lie to me and tell me I'm funny sometimes so I try to humor my way through this episode of social retardation
>"i can suck a mean dick" i say with the stupidest smile om my face
>another pause of silence
>"get out"

>>39282242
Holy kekaroo

>>39282242
Would hire (no homo)

>>39282242
Balls or autism, possibly oath