fucking kill me

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>be me
>be 23
>5/10, no gf
>always masturbating
>like, whenever i can rub one out, i usually do
>notice i'm always a little horny when i need to take a shit
>ask my med school friend
>tells me it's because the shit is pressing on my prostate
>idea
>eat a lot the night before
>massive turd brewing
>try something i've always wanted to try
>jerk off under my desk at work
>jesusfuckingchrist.png
>"anon? what are you doing? what's that smell?"
>i came so hard i shit my pants
>tfw fired
>tfw registered sex offender