Chad-presenting semi-autist AMA

How do I stop being so nervous and anxious around people? I get so nervous to the point where I'm shaking and I feel like I'm going to throw up if I'm not in my room by myself.

>>39227326
How do I speak with a woman I like and convince her to be my girlfriend and then eventually wife?

>>39227423
This one took me a while. You have two options: anti-anxiety medication or an anti-depressant, or if that isn't an option, you just have to force yourself into more social situations. One way or another your brain needs to suppress the amygdala's fight or flight response - you can do it with medication, or you can do it by becoming so accustomed to social situations that your brain no longer perceives them as threatening. Additionally, act like you aren't worried - if you project long enough that you aren't worried about being in social situations, eventually you really won't be. "Showing up is 80% of life", so just keep showing up until you're over it. Take it slow, give yourself credit for each small step but don't give up until you're comfortable, which is your goal. Godspeed.

>>39227453
Replying to you in a minute, obviously this is complicated

>>39227623
how do you show up. show up to what? I show up to work every day but it doesn't seem to help at all.

>>39227623
Thanks man. I don't think I want to take medication. I don't really want to be around normalfags but I still don't want to be anxious in general. Your advice helps though. I'll keep it in mind.
Thanks

>>39227453
(1/2)
Firstly, Get the word "girlfriend" out of your head. Nowadays it scares even the introverted nerdy girls, or at the very least, it's not worth the risk of using it before she does. It's a sad reality of our culture, but I assured the ending of the best relationship I ever had because when she raised doubts, I said I thought of her as my "girlfriend". Done, over. The new words are "exclusive" and "unexclusive". If you're exclusive, she's your girlfriend.

Now, as far as speaking with her - be very friendly and kind, make and hold eye contact (there are actual scientific studies about how sustained eye contact alone can cause two people to fall in love), ask her things about what she cares about, figure out what you care about and be able to talk about it in a way that shows you have some passion and ambition (programming for example is great because unless they're programmers they don't know what the fuck you're talking about). Make jokes and don't be afraid to take risks with your humor as long as it doesn't cause a fundamental disagreement in her values as those usually land the biggest laughs which REALLY help you. I'm talking humor about uncomfortable, taboo shit - women love that and take it as a sign of you displaying your masculinity. You must do all of this without being a pushover, and still retaining some inherent mystery. Your mystery and suffering is your greatest ally. This does NOT mean you should try hard to be mysterious or depressed, but rather, try hard to seem *kind of* mysterious, and at *times*, a little sullen. Watch Drive, study how Ryan Gosling interacts with Carey Mulligan. Get it down, practice in the mirror so you know you don't look creepy. Sprinkle that behavior in with genuine friendliness where appropriate.

>>39227453
>>39227926
(2/2)
If you can convince a woman that there is something more to you, she will remain interested until she figures out what that something is - so you never tell her what it is until such time as she is desperately trying to figure out "who you are". At that point, you get vulnerable, tell her about your pain and how she mends it, and she falls in love with you. From there, keep her happy by being good at sex, telling her you love her NOT as a habit or expectation, but say it when you feel it and mean it. And you have to mean it. If you make it this far, as I know you can, she'll say yes when you ask her to marry you.

>>39227926
>The new words are "exclusive" and "unexclusive". If you're exclusive, she's your girlfriend.
Triggered.

>>39227766
No problem man, glad it helped. I used to have really bad social anxiety so I hope you can get past it.

>>39227963
I know dude. It's not an impossible term in this day and age, but it is a risky one, and it just takes time before it's safe. I only make the distinction because you can blow your chances by trying to reach the "girlfriend" zone instead of just letting it happen naturally. Put aside the semantics, worry about getting her to fall in love with you, then you can say girlfriend with no issues.

>>39227652
Work isn't the best setting to get comfortable in social situations because it's a naturally stressful environment. Everyone's nervous at work for one reason or another. Go to a bar, be around people there. Have friends? Go out with them and be around people. Don't have friends? Literally go on bumble, switch to "BFF" and make friends that way. Your options are limited once you're out of college so swallow your pride and actually seek out people to interact with. Go to a meetup. Join a class. Go to open mics or shows (these are really good for talking to strangers). Do whatever it takes, don't prevent yourself from doing what you want just because it's inconvenient.

>>39227963
just the idea that she'd be dating/fucking other people at the same time as I'm trying to get with her is enough to make me give up. unexclusive = nope

I'm working at a restaurant as a buscuck for the time being (gonna quit after this semester). I get along with the cute waitresses and most of the guys there. Unfortunately, there's this one guy who is a fucking asshole. He's very good at his job, but he's the type of person to suck up to managers and boss you around, despite having the same job title. Furthermore, while I'm friendly with the girls there, I do want to sleep with a few of them. How do I navigate the work environment, in the regard of dealing with my asshole coworker's shitty attitude and actually sleeping with one of the waitresses?

I know you shouldn't shit where you eat, but that really only applies if you care about your job. The restaurant industry is degenerate anyway, so it's not like it matters that much.

How much will completely overhauling my physical appearance and clothing affect how women or people in general respond to me? For example, getting below 12% bf and getting some muscle + wearing well-fitted fashionable clothes.

>>39227326
how important would you say is it to have a cellphone? i save a lot of money by not buying one/paying all those bills. I'd be really pissed off if I got one and then just never ended up using it for any calls or texts because no friends.

>>39228289
So fuck her better than anyone else can.
I'm with you man, so what I did is I got really good at sex with practice. Start with some girl you don't care that much about and literally practice sex with her until you're a god. Then, after one night with a girl, she'll WILLINGLY become exclusive with you because no one else can fuck her better. This is my actual strategy that I use all the time because if girls are sleeping around, they are ultimately looking for the perfect fuck. Become that.
I legit had a long-term girlfriend who was open about having been a slut, so I fucked her often, at length, and with gusto, and she never slept around. She was literally always fucking me and getting incredible, scream-inducing sex every time - she got SORE from it, and mentioned it often with a smile. One time during sex she said to me "I want you to fuck me every day for the rest of my life" and she meant it. When I broke up with her she told me she didn't want anyone else. She still doesn't, and talks to me from time to time with the clear intent of trying to get me back.
Dick isn't that big? Learn advantageous sex positions. Contrary to virgin faggots all over this website, a huge monster "BBC" or whatever the fuck is threatening and usually painful to women. It helps if it's a decent size, but how you use it is 90% of the appeal. Learn how to eat pussy well. Become a student of sex because it's a science that can be exploited.

>>39228374
I've fucked a girl at work before and it worked out fine, so I say go for it. It gets trickier if you start dating long term, but that's a different question than what you're after it seems.
If he has the same title as you and doesn't have authority over you, remind him of this the next time he tries to boss you around. If he demands you do something that isn't your responsibility, let him know. If he demands you do something you should be doing, tell him you're aware you should be doing it. Stand up to him, don't fight or be deliberately aggressive but stand your ground nevertheless. He's not your manager, so fuck him.
Luckily this confidence will improve your chances with the women because they'll like that. They probably think he's an asshole too. Firstly, pick the one (1) girl you want to fuck, as that's basically the best anyone can do in a situation like this, with few circumstantial exceptions. Check her out when she isn't looking and she will feel your eyes - some bizarre phenomena that I can't explain is the evolutionary human ability to "feel" eyes. Eventually she my even catch you, which is good - look away but don't cower. With caution and consideration, sprinkle in some flirtation. When you think there's mutual flirtation going on, ask to "hang out". She might say no because it's work, but if she says yes, then from there it should be pretty easy.

>>39228398
Both will help you a lot. Working out is the best you can do for both your physical attractiveness and self-confidence. I knew an ass-ugly kid in high school who wrestled that managed to date one of the best looking girls in his grade because he was in good shape. I work out every day and it regulates my mood and makes me feel like I can aim my sights higher with respect to women. I really recommend regularly working out, as someone who used to abhor it.
Be careful of the pitfall of "fashionable" - what may seem fashionable to you could be awful to women. My advice is to keep it simple - I basically wear solid color t-shirts and black jeans. Good shoes are important and a personal choice. All black outfits look good, sometimes even all white if you can pull it off. As with everything, research it vigorously, don't go to some faceless place in the mall, and ask people who know what they're talking about for advice. Maybe even go to >>>/fa/ , I can't vouch for it because I never go there, and I'm sure many think it's shit, but it's a good place to start at least.

>>39228812
>>39228398
to clarify, I don't mean like rgb(255, 0, 0) solid-color shirts, but interesting solid colors. Sand, dark green, etc.

>>39228645
>If he has the same title as you and doesn't have authority over you, remind him of this the next time he tries to boss you around. If he demands you do something that isn't your responsibility, let him know. If he demands you do something you should be doing, tell him you're aware you should be doing it. Stand up to him, don't fight or be deliberately aggressive but stand your ground nevertheless. He's not your manager, so fuck him.
>They probably think he's an asshole too

He does this thing where if you're not moving fast enough or running around the kitchen like a headless chicken, he thinks you aren't working hard enough. Shakes his head in disapproval and those condescending actions piss me off. The girls there have mixed feelings about him. On one hand, he actually does do a good job of keeping things sorted, but his attitude is very off-putting.

how helpful is a nofap

>>39228923
Extremely
not because of the effects it brings, but because of the feeling of self control it gives you
the people who fap every day do it because they're addicted, if you can stop on a whim, you're leagues above any addict

>>39228869
If that's all, then I'd just ignore him. Don't let him piss you off - he's a fucking busboy too. Don't give him power over you because he has no tangible power over you anyway. Your manager's opinion matters, not his. Seriously, he can fuck himself. Worry about doing your job and getting the girl you want.

>>39228923
>>39229063
If it's more than a day or two days long, then not at all. You can do it to prove to yourself that you can and if you're actually addicted, but there's basically no psychological or physiological evidence to back it up. Just jerk off once max a day and you'll be fine, and don't spend more than 30 minutes on a session. If you think masturbation is somehow responsible for your lack of pussy (it's not), then take a day or two off. The point is this: don't use it like a drug but enjoy it with the recognition that it's a normal thing to do. It also reduces your risk of prostate cancer later in life to clear the pipes regularly.

>>39229063
Jerking off is something I do regularly when I get the opportunity, but I can go for weeks without any problem if I can't for whenever reason like if I'm on a trip or something. I don't get laid so that's pretty much the only form of sexual release I get. I don't really see a problem with anything like that.

>>39229119
There's really no problem with that, and it's actually healthy. There are no studies against masturbation. There *are* studies against addiction, so again: don't do it like an addict and you're okay.

>>39228923

I think mamy people het the wrong idea about it. Its not bad but when its an addiction and it interferes with everyday life then its a problem just like drinking.

Also you should stop watching porn as it warps your perception about women an what sex is about.

I still fap but just not to porn and life way better. Not like superhero status but just better in small ways.