/cripplingdepression/ general

The only thing that would make me want to kill myself less is money but since I have to work for money I guess I'm going to fucking kill myself.

>>39225995
any specific reason you wann a die my dude?

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>>39225854
i still want to die as well

>>39226008

I don't enjoy being alive. The only thing can make life bearable is escapism. I don't care about pussy or friends.

>>39225854
fucking alone and depressed as shit, I want a gf asap

breakups are horrible

I live in Portugal so I didn't even see the eclipse

>>39226034
rude but i laughed

>so depressed i dont bother to go outside to see the eclipse and just sleep through it

>>39225854
it was spooky, there were black shadows everywhere, looked like hell

>>39226059
how long have you felt like that?

>>39226063
a gf might not fix that problem, like you can be with someone and still be horribly depressed

>>39226086
i'm sorry my dude, did you at least sleep well?

>>39226094
it was crazy, all the cicadas started chirping and it cooled downlike crazy

>>39226100

>how long have you felt like that?

Last couple of years. I've always been melancholic but it's been getting stronger as time progresses.

>>39226176
i suppose you've tried therapy, meds, ect ect?

>>39226100
gf anon here. knowing myself very well, having a gf/bf magically solves most of my problems (not being ironic). I have this huge need of love, sex, cuddling and support, and also I love giving it back. I'm always happy when I'm with someone. I hate being this dependent.

I've been feeling better lately but I feel like the repercussions of depression still keep me optionless in bettering my life

>>39226196

Yeah, I was even admitted to a psych ward. Everybody tells me the same shit, try to be active, think positive thoughts. None of that shit works.

>Last gf fell for me at first sight and dumped her boyfriend to pursue me
>ditched the girl I was shagging to get with her
>dumped her a year ago and got /fit/
>not one sniff of female romantic attention since

What the fuck lads, shits getting me down.

>>39226218
when was the last time you were with someone?

>>39226327
what do you mean optionless?

>>39226337
you ever been on meds? they keep me out of the complete rock bottom

>>39226395
oh jeeze
did something about your personality change?

>>39226337
maybe you have adhd, originaljal;y

>>39226528
>what do you mean optionless?

>no education
>years without a job
>no friends
>forgot how to interact socially, especially with people my own age now
>bad teeth from neglecting while i didn't give a shit about myself

>>39226781
forgot to expand, I just don't have any money and don't know where to start to try to get out of this hole

I've been more and more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship with an effeminate guy. I think it's just my desperation and loneliness kicking in, but at this point I don't care if the qt is a female or male as long as they have long, slender feet and are vidya-obsessed weebs. I think I've been on this board too long and am self-inducing some kind of new mental hitch on myself.

It really ramped up when I starting talking to a guy on Discord about domming me with his feet. It didn't take off because I didn't like his feet that much, but we still talked because he was only one state away and seemed genuinely interested in my niche kinks. I even began fantasizing about spending time with him and being in a relationship. Then I had a severe mood swing and said some hurtful things to him for the fact that he was open to the idea of financially domming me and how I thought it was a very hurtful thing to do to someone (even though I asked for it) because (from my own experience) people who enjoy this level of degradation can't be mentally sound and happy. It culminated in an apology that then turned into a further argument as I became angry once more with us eventually stopping all contact.

I feel bad again because he said he was lonely and friendless and I felt like I was laying into him unnecessarily hard. I am also sad because of this idealized fantasy I made about him and I. I'm sure he is not some god-tier trap or femboy like I want him to be and I feel like my vivid daydreams are just making my expectations too high in a partner.

These feelings have now even begin to spread to a desire to make myself more cute. Of course I don't think I can. Even if I slimmed down and shaved, I would still be dealing with a masculine and (in my opinion), unattractive face.

To sum it up, I'm just really lonely, miserable, and terrified of aging.

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>post on random suicide forums
>get no response
>post on random depression forums
>get nothing

Can't afford actual therapy and can't come to terms that I'd rather die than admit my issues to a real human being in person. This is probably gonna go on for another 40+ years too.
>call suicide hotlines
>get platitudes
>text suicide help centers
>no nothing
>try online CBT readers
>give up the next day

>>39226528

Effexor then Lexapro, they didn't work.

>>39226649

Funny you should say that, my doctor prescribed me Adderall thinking it will give me a boost in energy or some shit, it didn't do anything.

>>39226781
i see. Small steps might help, starting with like, just going out of the house could lead to something more

>>39226834
How old are you if you dont mind me asking? Maybe guys are just an option you've never thought about before.
Also i know that feel, i really want to be cute but i dont think ill ever be

>>39226869
There are community therapy centers, are any of those around you?

>>39226873
gotcha. Hated both of those

>>39227066
I am 22. I'll admit that I've been attracted to fem guys' feet for as long as I've been sexually attracted to anything including women and their feet, but I was always ashamed. I've changed quite rapidly in the past year or so. I daydream a lot about being in perfect relationships with women, but now I also daydream about the same thing with guys just as much and I have no issue with myself over it. I am perfectly comfortable with my thoughts. I even kind of want to tell two of my friends, one who is gay and the other who is bisexual just to have someone to experience these feels with.

I was reading an AskReddit thread a few days ago about male sex workers and some of the guys made me jealous. They were college-age kids who were not escorts, but had an arrangement with particular men. There was a guy who was propositioned by a wealthy doctor on the street about being paid $500 to be naked and hang out with the guy at his house (no sex). It made me jealous because I wish I could be cute enough to do something like that. And since I'm 22, I'm just losing time.

Going to go to the store and buy a big bottle of cheap vodka with all coins.

>>39227216
That seems normal my dude, glad you're comfortable with it.
I just wanna post nudes online. I'm 23, rapidy approaching gay death

>>39227256
Eugh, vodka makes me so sick

>>39227376
>I just wanna post nudes online

I can relate kind of even though I'd rather just tease and bully with only my bare legs and feet.

While I don't think I'll ever be cute, I think I can be handsome by just working on my body a bit more (but I'd rather be cute/fem so much more). The only upside of being masculine is it is viable in the long term I think. I guess my best hope for the future is to find a younger, cute fem bf I can hold and show affection.

>>39227503
>I can relate kind of even though I'd rather just tease and bully with only my bare legs and feet.
heh, cute. Feet are ok, more into armpits UwU
My dream body is andro as fuck, and my dream life is being a stay at home dad with a cute masc bf and/or work a part time job or something
cute fem bf would be great.

>>39227542
Armpits do nothing for me lol, but it's an interesting kink for someone to have.

>My dream body is andro as fuck
same

>my dream life is being a stay at home dad with a cute masc bf and/or work a part time job or something

My ideal scenario would be on the other end of that. Being the breadwinner while my boywife plays vidya at home and waits for me to come home (and hopefully he's a good cook).

>>39227706
That sounds wonderful desu
in bed rn, hence the other rarely used trip

>>39228085
The only sad thing about the relationship is I always imagine us both committing suicide together as his youth fades away and he can't sustain his cuteness any longer. I've actually cried over this fantasy (and many other fantasies). I guess it's a way I cope with the crushing depression. Crying feels good, at least it used to.

>>39228171
Oof, that's a really rough fantasy. Like, maybe unhealthy rough. Wouldn't ideally you'd love him no matter what?

>>39228198
Yes, I'd like to think in reality it would never be an issue. I'd love him always. Like I said, I just like to cry and thinking about my actual life doesn't do the trick anymore so I just envision these wonderful scenarios ending horribly and it works every time. Like coming home to find them having killed themselves and just holding them as I cry or even getting some type of break up text/phone call at work and just slumping down against the wall and crying uncontrollably not understanding what I did wrong to end it.

>>39228272
Ah, I gotcha. Sometimes I think about that kinda stuff as well. Still sounds really hard on you emotionally

>>39225854
anyone else look directly at the sun today?

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>>39225854
I've been sinking farther and farther down into the abyss. I just finished my summer classes at my university so I've got like 2 weeks to just play vidya and do some work around my house. However, I've been watching more anime about romantic relationships and it's killing my soul. I feel like if I don't make some type of meaningful connection to girl in my upcoming semester I might just fucking lose it. I can barely keep myself together long enough to interact with regular people anymore.

>>39228312
It is hard on me. I've been thinking about suicide so often lately. I just go to work and sleep/sulk in bed the rest of the day, spending most of each waking moment thinking about these ideal relationships, sometimes with the negative endings involved. I feel like I am chasing some unattainable fantasy. I also spend way too much time here and this place is so toxic for the most part. Just reinforcing all of the negative things I feel about myself. I stick around here because I hope that one day I find some lonely cute boy who's also a tortured soul and we can just be together and find comfort in our shared experiences and company even if we don't live in the same state, I could endure it if I meant I was with someone. But I know they probably don't exist here and if they do they are most likely looking to manipulate me in some way.

I think I'm just going crazy.

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>26 neet hiki khv etcetc
>don't take care of myself remotely
>damaged a nerve in my leg 2 months ago, still done nothing about it, but have drop foot and limp every where
>eating more than a small meal hurts my stomach a lot, like a stabbing pain
>broke my glasses, just deal with barely being able to see shit instead of fixing them
>eat once every 2-3 days, live off cigarettes and energy drinks
>yesterday take the first shower I've had since May
>brush my teeth while in the shower, after shower look in the mirror in detail
>they're fucked
>one tooth is now constantly sore at the root, the plaque and gum disease and all that good shit going on too
>just yet another fucking problem I've done to myself that I'll no doubt just have to adjust to and learn to live with rather than do anything about it
>spent most of today just staring at a wall and wondering how many of these sorts of things I need to do to myself before I truly realize that I've self sabotaged enough to finally kill myself with courage
>set up my first dating site profile 3 days earlier and now figure I might as well delete and not bother because I'm disgusting

i think the worst thing, the shit I actually regret the most - not the physical ailments I've bought onto myself, not the lack of taking care of myself or anything - it's having done nothing I can personally be proud of with my life. I just want a talent I can be proud of. I want to be exceptionally fucking good at what I'd like to be good at. But that'll never happen, and that's what keeps me up at night.

There's a girl that I think is the most beautiful in the world with the prettiest eyes in the world who doesn't know I exist.

So you know.

>>39226869
i fucking feel this feel deeper than i've ever felt a feel before
anon, even if you only got one (you), please know that i appreciate what you're going through

Hey my dudes, i literally can't stay up any longer so I can't respond anymore. I'll be around some other time, or if you give me discords I'll friend you on that if you wanna talk later

>>39228517
Thanks for the chat, I'll catch you again when you make another thread. (I'm the guy you've been replying to within this past hour about our gay feels.)

>>39228428
>39228428
you need to get on the state health insurance and tackle your medical issues first buddy

>>39228693
not american, friend.
the government can subsidize some shit that they deem is ok, but I'm a neet on neetbux so no matter what I can't afford (nor am in a position where I care about my life or well being to have the motivation/desire to fix anything).
I was told I need surgery for my leg, that alone I can't afford. Let alone dental and whatever the fuck else I've done to myself.

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>>39228727
and idk why I said 'let alone' that many fucking times

>>39225854
im 30. how the fuck do you think i am?

i grew a goatee. i see some grey/white hairs. WTF? im like half fucking dead. i mean my ass in going to be in a fking coffin. and what's worse is in the grand scheme of things, i mean in the BIG grand scheme of things - my death in 30-50 years means absolute dick.

oh i also bought a frozen pizza so it all kind of evens out.