When was the last time you were happy? When and where do you

>>39221652
Holy comfy
orogore

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>>39221652
The last time I was happy was when I knew nothing about sex and hadn't gone through puberty. Finding out about girls ruined everything. Happy days are long gone.

14 when I was not cynical and severely bluepilled

>>39221652
probably when I was 14-15
I would go to school & do average/well
had friends
came home and played minecraft
would watch porn 1-2 times a day and enjoyed it

...I'm 21 now, I haven't laughed in years, I'm addicted to porn, have managed to quit playing video games, but I'm suffering through my degree and haven't even managed to hold hands with a girl.
I keep telling myself I'll have a family and a decent job...but all that seems so unattainable. I've been considering suicide most days in the last year

Im always happy for the 10 minutes right after i get high. I look forward to the 30 minutes a day i get to be happy. I try not to do it too often or I build a tolerance

Last time I was happy was July 28th. Then I got into a fight with my gf that ended it all. Now I just want to disappear.

The last time I was continuously happy was in 2008 when I was 18. I don't know what happened. I'm pretty sure it was abuse from childhood finally catching up with my head.

I'd be happy if I mutilated the people who hurt me, but I'm too much of a coward to do that.

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>me as a kid
>"I can't wait to be 13!! I'm gonna be a teenager and everything will be awesome!!"
>turn 13
>end up in poverty and tormented all throughout middle school

High school was better but not by much. I'm 20 now and I'm not as miserable as I was back then, but I haven't felt genuine happiness in a long time. Just taking one day at a time trying to improve myself and my life.

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>>39223564
How do you stay productive when you aren't happy and don't see yourself being happy?

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>>39223964
I used to smoke weed a lot but I quit. Sometimes I draw because I want to eventually pursue a career in art, but I haven't had the energy to lately.

I've been going to the gym to get back in shape and feel better about myself, it helps take my mind off of it. I think once I finish my personal goals I'll be happy.

>>39224088
Ja feel. Good luck anon, I think I might just be lonely now. I feel like the shadow of that hangs over me. I don't really have anything to look forward to. I guess just improve until I can get opportunities. How does one take pain when they have little happiness in their lives? And if I gain it ill be afraid to lose it again. Maybe value progress in itself

2005 desu. it's been downhill ever since

>>39223964
These comfy rooms make me happy do you have any more?

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>>39224183
Thanks anon, I haven't had friends in a long time. Being constantly bullied/beaten up made me really anxious and I can't trust most people.

There's nothing for me here but I'm moving away soon to start over. Self loathing fuels my motivation to keep going and improve myself until looking in the mirror doesn't disgust me anymore. That's pretty much the only way I numb the pain now.

Good luck to you too.

>>39224244
Bumping,comfyasfuk

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>>39224244
Just a little bit of what was saved from an old folder.

>>39224267
I've known people who have been bullied and been able to have good relationships. Hell one was bullied by these two bitches in fucking college like wtf. I can't give as good advice as them, but if you don't open up nothing will ever get in. I guess let them prove themselves first? We're all gonna make it anon

>>39221652
2009 was the last time i was happy. don't even really remember what it's like.

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I feel like a lot of people would answer bekng around friends or family for the latter question. However I feel like I'm trying to be too much of a lone wolf. I don't like the vulnerability of needing other people. Maybe I can aim for a different kind of content, you don't get everything you want in life

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>>39224244
Here you go, originally of course
Don't mute me or else robot

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>>39224244
Just dumping one last one befote i go take a nap

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>>39224338
>I can't give as good advice as them, but if you don't open up nothing will ever get in. I guess let them prove themselves first?

Yeah, I know that nothing will ever get better if I don't try and I'm not against making friends. I've just been alone for so long that actually meeting new people scares me. I'm afraid of getting hurt again, but every time I think about socializing in real life I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

I'll probably just wait until I move and go to college to make some friends, it'll probably be easier if I'm in a school setting. In the mean time I don't really mind talking to other anons on here, I'm not in a huge rush to make friends.

Thanks for the advice though.

>>39221652
Late May-Mid June of this past summer. I don't think I'm going to back that happiness ever again.

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>>39224476
I like this one

>>39224491
I knew a shy girl who became a cashier at a grocery store and she seems more outspoken now with that experience

>>39224338
>>39224465
>>39224476
Much appreciated, thanks. Hope you have a good day my man

>>39221652
There has never been a period in my life where I was mostly happy, never. There have been happy moments and extended periods where things are mostly positive but even then I would not call it happy. There were not too many birthday invites when I was a child, there were not too many party invites when I was a teenager, there have not been too many job offers when I became an adult. And as things stand now I don't see myself becoming happy in the future either.

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>>39224520
What happened?
Summer is bittersweet to me a bit

>>39223490
Are you still together? What caused you guys to have a fight?

>>39221652
I remember I became very happy before going to sleep the 29th may 2016
My birthday was coming to an end

>>39223964
>How do you stay productive when you aren't happy and don't see yourself being happy?
That's just it, you don't. When you are down you will most likely stay down.

I can't remember. Maybe playing TF2 alone if that counts.

>>39224551
>I knew a shy girl who became a cashier at a grocery store and she seems more outspoken now with that experience

That's good, I need to work on that too. I hate being so shy, but I can't blame all of it on my past.

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>>39224568
It's the usual robot response to curse the world and go back to whatever we were doing. I think a lot comes down to will, and,you can't make someone want. You can talk to them no? Explore options? What is the alternative? Staying as you are?

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I like to think it was around 2011, but I remember crying around that time a lot too, for reasons that don't make much sense to me now. I remember a lot of comfy feelings from that time, and even when I was sad, most of the time it was sad in a comfy way if that makes any sense. I remember drinking my mom's tea or milk with sugar and browsing /jp/, and it was really nice. I remember playing Minecraft and trying to make my house just like the Shinonome house in Nichijou. I was into reading about scary things at the time, and that was really fun. I eventually got on antidepressants for the things I was sad about and they stopped making sense to me. Somewhere along the line my parents broke up, but I can't place when exactly because it kind of blurs together. From there on things kept getting worse. I thought I had fun for a little bit in 2016 when actual news outlets reported on cartoon frog shitposting, it was really funny to me. Now politics is a fucking nightmare and I'm trying to stay away from it while still hoping /pol/ wins out without me. Seeing all of this shit every day makes me feel unhealthy. I need to get away.

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>>39224757
What scary things did you read? /x/ creepypasta and storms were super nice to me. Maybe the contrast between the outside and the warm inside

Last time i was happy was about a year and a half ago, before I graduated Uni. The reason is simple, I don't have a single friend anymore. Not a single solitary person I can go somewhere or do something with. A life like this, of absolute isolation, is a hell worse than I thought possible.
I know a lot of you are lonely, and I thought I was too in school. I only had like 2 friends in high school. But the difference between even 1 friend and zero is such an enormous gap in loneliness, I couldn't believe it. I can and have dealt with 1 semi friend before. I was never prepared for this.

Last time I was briefly happy? December when I banged a tinder girl. Last time I was consistently happy? Age 14-15. Public high school was new and exciting after 9 years of private school, no smartphones, you tube just came out. I was almost popular and girls liked me and I had tons of pubescent energy; was in decent shape. But eventually my sheltered, clueless upbringing came to the surface and ruined everything.

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>>39224943
Ayy I also had 2 friends in high school, went down to one semi friend, and now I'll be at zero soon. I'm also a failure. Kinda makes me wonder why I do anything. Although I shouldn't be doing things for others no? I should do something because I enjoy it?

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>>39224954
Hmm. Makes me wonder how to be happy as an adult. I'm such a conflicted person, I liked that I saw my friends everyday in school and now I'm lucky to see them once every other month, but now I also don't want to make friends.

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>>39224833
Lots of /x/, I remember tulpas were big around then, but that's not exactly scary. I remember reading up on LSD dream emulator and other spooky game things. Investigations around weird things like that were always fun. It was really fun back then when I actually thought some of the more out-there stories could be real.

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>>39225122
Yeah I remember lsd. Should have tried an area code thread or something. The only creepypasta I remember is the portraits of course and pen pals. There was also that one where the guy is on a subway and is taken to like other dimensions. No end house was alright. I read this cool thing some guy did about The Thing from the perspective of the monster. Don't know if I'll be able to find it though

>>39221652
The last time I was happy was about a year ago before I went on my year abroad and realised how little I meant to my friends back home.

>2013
>Playing Bioshock Infinite
>Eating Chinese takeout

I was and still currently am a NEET but things just felt better back then. Now I just want to fucking kill myself.

In the case of consistent happiness/having yet to lose my innocence, it was around age 10, before my mother had a ~decade's long struggle with opiods/pain pills that fucked up the lives of everyone in my family (especially mine, as the oldest of all my siblings).

As for a daily kind of happiness? It's hard to say. I have days where I'm very content but it's hard to call that "happiness" Same when it comes to being excited about something - it's hard to call that happiness as well. - it's always about something outside of myself (a new book released by an author I like, etc.). t I don't think I've been "happy" since I went to see a Miku concert in 2016.

When and where do I see myself happy in the future? I don't. There isn't a path in my life that I can see happiness at the end of.

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>>39221652

When I was walking with my boyfriend on campus at 3am a couple months ago.
> I don't care for much but I care for you.
> " Jeez."
> What?
> " That made my heart skip a little."

>>39221652
Truly happy, I don't know. I take resting bitch face to the max and it sort of blends into my life a little. But I did have a good few weeks lately.

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>>39225302
The thing is it actually will draw you back to work if all you do is shitpost. At that point you'll be like at least I'm doing something, at least do e.

>>39225321
First love? Take a moment to appreciate what you have now. It could be gone. You could be like some of the worse off on this site, also take a step back every now and then, bird's eye view maybe, so you don't lose it

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>>39225339
I can feel you on that bleeding into your life bit, what made the last few weeks good?

>>39221652
When I listen to the music of that person, I think that there is always me in supreme bliss.

>>39225483

I've tried working in the past and I was consistently miserable. The money was good and the work wasn't too tasking but I still hated it. I'd rather die than get another job.

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>>39225575
Who dis?

>>39225861
How will you live? If you don't sow you don't reap

>>39225901

>How will you live?

By taking a leap from a tall bridge.

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>>39226106
I'd say try stuff out first but I've been there, and don't know if I'll get out. I just hope you find what you are looking for, and that it is not horrible

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>tfw you can't remember the last time you experience genuine joy

It feels like it's been like a decade at this point. I think I'm too far gone.

>>39226275
How have you lived all this time?

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I'll dump a bit of comfy for y'all

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I find that I'm happy when I can focus on the moment, and not worry about the future or regret the past.

>>39221652
About 3 hours ago.

My sub blew me in a stairwell downtown.

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Exercise and eat right too.

>>39226314
By coasting along. If it weren't for some fortunate circumstances in recent years I probably would've just destroyed myself with drink or something. For now I have found a safe solace but I still can't seem to enjoy things anymore due to the demons in my mind. If I went on vacation I'd spend it all by worrying about everything resulting in a panic attack.

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>>39221652
I don't know where is this but I will find it and I will sleep in it!

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Life can seem banal at times. It's easy to overlook the little things.

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>>39221652
Last time I was happy was when this qt and I used to speak on and off and she had some interest in me but she ended up moving a few states away back with her ex

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Everyday is a blessing and an opportunity for personal growth. That first part wasn't original... Maybe there is hope after all.

>>39225321
aww that's so cute :)

Select all images with cars

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>>39226412
Is there any sort if system you could make to tackle these problems.

>>39226486
For me having to improve felt like I was trapped in a prison, or a slave. Having to get better and wanting to get better were very diferent things for me. Having to do pushups would make me want to shoot myself, but wanting to do pushups is another story

>>39226751
>Is there any sort if system you could make to tackle these problems.

What do you mean? Like some kind of couping mechanism? I've already tried CBT but after 6 sessions had enough and just said I was better. I just can't delude myself to think another way. My thought process is primarily negative, probably brought on by some kind of PTSD combined with neuroses.

My earliest recollection of experience crippling anxiety was aged 10-11. We had moved and I had to start at a new school. Going from a school with just 50 kids to one with 300 was a massive shock to the system. A year later I started high school and naturally fell victim to the bullies since I was an easy, weak target. The first two years were hell.

>>39221652
whenever someone remixes nintendo music, its like mozart to me

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>>39227143
I see, hope you get better

>>39227153
I used to listen to a lot of Majora's mask remixes

https://soundcloud.com/steele_music/majoras-lullaby-stone-tower

https://soundcloud.com/rozenus/terminas-demise

Then of course there's Theophany's album and zreo. Have you seen Terrible Fate yet?

My doctor says I'm depressed and tries to shove his drugs down my throat, last time I remember having fun was yesterday when I was walking around town.
The drugs help alot.

earlier today, whilst reading the new adam lanza info drop

>>39227143
I can't but to see CBT as cock and balls torture.

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Time for me to sleep. Thanks for the thread guys.

>>39228111
thank you anon, it's been comfy

>>39221652
>>39222982

That LOOKS hella comfy, but imagine how often you'd hit your head when shifting around or getting up.

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Just close your eyes and smile big and wide for 5 minutes. This is an easy way to just hack into the happiness feedback loop and make you feel happy for no reason.

>>39221652
April 3, 2004
4th grade
Parents were on vacation
I was staying with my moms friends mother
She lived in a single wide trailer
2 bedrooms, 1 bath
Walls made of paper, you could hear a turd plopping in the bowl from outside
All we ate for 6 days was McDonald's, breakfast, lunch and dinner
I did not shit the whole time I was there
I had never shit in a toilet that wasn't mine
Mom figured out what was going on
She gave me 3 warm Fleet Mineral Oil Enemas
This was after she had given me some Chocolate Laxatives
Knelt ass up in the shower for 30 minutes
Finally the pressure was too much and she turned the shower on
I stood up and had the most wonderful liquid diarrhea
It blasted out , like a freight train, it seemed endless
The feeling and the warm pressure caused me to get the first erection that I can remember having
Mama called he good boy
Then she realized that I had an erection and called me her Big Man
She showed me how to masturbate and I had my first ejaculation in a soapy tub being held by my naked mother

I can not begin to tell you how many fetishes I have as a result of that afternoon

It was a cold Saturday, we had a bit of snow
It was Alec Baldwin's 46th birthday