Anyone here ever have a psychotic break? This happened to me

>A jogger passes me by
>Hear what I think are gunshots
>Believe the race war has started
>another jogger goes by, warn him of the murder that has just taken place (he calls the cops)
>Walk back into the city, interpret the cars driving in groups as the fascist mobilization of society
>Determine to stop the race war by immitating saint francis of asisi
>Cop notices me walking and orders me to stop
>give him a look as if to say "fuck off"
>tackles me and puts me in handcuffs (felt sexual to me)
>Sheriff comes and is nice and asks me if I'll go with him
>Agree
>Believe I've inadvertently been chosen as the leader of the whites due to my claim in the book
>Think they're taking me to a secret command bunker
>Get there and feel like I'm hitler in the bunker, enemies closing in, everyone about to commit suicide
>Overhear cops standing outside my room laughing "I thought we were going to have to send in a swat team to get him out of there"
>Convinced Obama has a swat team on the way to extract me from the doomed city
>Walking around psych ward
>Nurse warns me that im approaching the pediatric side and to walk away
>Stand frozen, just thinking "Suffer not the little children to come unto me"
>warns me again, dont move
>Physically removed and put into restraints
>Realize I'm in a psych ward
>Watch TV for weeks
>Every show is about me or coded messages about the race war
>Hear weather reporter say "A wave of lesbianism is spreading across the midwest">Get out of the psych ward
>Watch nasa jim videos with friends
>Seriously freaked out about aliens
>Drive around again
>See glowing red lights in descending lines as I'm out driving
>The prospect of a Warhammer 40k like future really freaks me out
>See busses filled with children
>Horrified that the same state that moves them around to educate them would send them to war
>Remember /lit/ meme about Julius Caesar's Notes on the Gaellic Wars being all about corn
>In Iowa, Corn Everywhere
>war's coming
(cont)

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>return home again, symbology everywhere
>the book the Godfather is propping up a table, evidence that the town is controlled by a criminal underworld
>My facebook posts are changing the world around me through manifestations of the collective conscious, china brain thought experiment
>Promise to bring the 90's back
>Crystal pepsi back for a limited time
>Go deeper and deeper into synchronicity
>Do magic with hand signals
>Become completely catatonic and non responsive
>Think I'm suffering from Jerusalem syndrome
>End times are here
>My hometown was the new Jerusalem
>AI taking over, Singularity happening
>Horrified that humans were attempting to immanatize the eschaton
>Parents drive me to the hospital
>Keep warning them not to demanatize the eschaton (achieve it without divine "magic"
>another month of tv watching
>Recover, read Capitalism and Schizophrenia in the hospital
>Mfw I just caused the social machines to short circuit by amplifying the flow of desire

>>39187319
I'm hiding this thread. I'm not feeding your retardation

What visual acid trip did I just read

>>39187319
Really enjoyed reading it anon, thanks.

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>>39187319
>>39187328
>>39187337
anon.... if you're not larping seek help

>>39187337
Take your antipsychotics, bro.

>>39187337
I think the government is trying to contain your thoughts because they see you as a threat

Dude, get some nice antipsychotics. This is no way to live.

t. schizo

>>39187431
I've been off of them since January without problems. Had to go to court multiple times about it.

>>39187452
I would go on 4chan and there would be threads about government agencies being able to insert thoughts into peoples heads using microwaves. Once you get into a delusional state of mind, it keeps building and building.

>>39187473
did the court make you take your meds?

>>39187403
I forgot the part where I heard Alex Jones voice telling me "Only you can put out the fire. Put out the fire." There was also a moment where I realized how profound the name infowars was. Modern politics is just who can spread memes more effectively. It really is an information war.

>>39187473
Did your doc say it was OK to go off them? In my experience it's standard to stay on them for 6-12 months after you're discharged.

>>39187534
yes, the sheriff came to my house once a month to escort me to the hospital for a long lasting injection of invega. I got off by asking my psychiatrist to switch me to an oral prescription which I told her I would take only if I started having symptoms again. They actually wanted to transfer me to the state's long term residential facility, and once I recovered they refused to take me off the meds because they said that was what made me better. I think I just recovered over time.

>>39187522
honestly if you want anti-mind control magic there is usually one thread up on >>>/x/ about it and also tin-foil hats are a meme you use wooden hats

>>39187577
i dont know much about schizophrenia but i think that episode may have been stress related. you started you story about publishing your story, maybe that was stressful for you

That sound like fun in a weird way.

>>39187632
also thanks for sharing your story, interesting stuff

>>39187632
I do too. I'm adopted, and my birth mother who had been secretly stalking me on facebook contacted me for the first time after she read it. The book deals with a horribly failed romance that caused me to drop out of college, so that was also fresh in my mind. Turns out my birth mother also had a brief psychotic episode about 6 months prior. Also, the election caused me a great deal of stress, so I attribute it to all those factors.

>>39187638
It was actually the most exciting part of my life. Like an acid trip that lasts for months. TV was actually amazing. Really terrifying stuff though too.

Currently back at school for my last semester and working on a second novella inspired by the experience.

>>39187638
It's all fun and games until you get paranoid. There's nothing fun about thinking that the entire universe hates you and wants you to suffer for eternity.

>>39187699
> Trump Derangement Syndrome
Fuck off normie

>>39187722
I actually supported Trump from the beginning and voted for him. Its just the race war isnt all that fun once you think that every minority you see is about to murder you.

>>39187767
Honestly we're getting to the point where I wouldn't rule it out.

>>39187820
That was actually how I rationalized the thinking to myself. I read about how Carl Jung had psychotic visions right before the outbreak of WW1 and described psychosis as a primal connection to the collective unconscious. My delusion was evidence that my delusion was correct. I also got freaked out about the wild success of Knausgaards book Min Kamp. (Popular despite deliberately choosing the title of Hitler's book.)

>>39187319
im comming for you Damien...... i cant waitt....,,,,

>>39187887
Sounds like a pretty typical Bipolar 1 manic snap. Ive had two so far with experiences mirroring yours in many ways. I thought that I had been selected as the messiah of earth and my will was controlling reality through carl jungs idea of the collective unconscious. I was also in communication with what i believed to be mother theresa and ghandi along with several other nameless entities. The antipsychotics usually make them go away for me but if I stop taking them I guarantee the "entities" will come back and ill start perciving everything as coded messages.

>>39188451
Same here. I've had experiences like OP described a few times. Not on medication now but I also stay away from other intoxicants besides the occasional alcoholic drink. These episodes ruined my life basically. Every time I had something good going I destroyed it and alienated everyone.

>>39187337
>a book titled "Capitolism and Schizophrenia" exists, isn't some satirical nonfiction novel and (assuming OP isn't larping) is provided to schizophrenics in hospitals
Literally how is any of that a good idea.

>>39188538
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Oedipus

I remembered seeing it mentioned on /lit/ and asked my dad to get it for me when he visited. He did express shipping and got it to me the next day. My parents really felt bad about getting me committed.

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>>39188451
For me it was Soren Kierkegaard. I thought he lived a double life as a terrorist throughout Europe, was abducted by aliens, ad communicating with me telepathically.

As a schizoaffective person I occasionally confuse fantasy for realty and have to be like "wait a moment... thats not right." I've gotten better about it as I've gotten older, but my childhood and teens were like one stuble acid trip. Also when I first discovered masturbation I could ligit trick myself into full on believing I was fucking fictional people (zelda, peach, that bitch from thunder cats)

Worst part is that on bad days I forget I'm a real person (my base assumption is that im a pair of floating eyes or a camera without a body) and that non of my actions have consequences because im not real. I jist feel terrible some days.

>>39188755
I relate to the fucking fictional girls. A couple times I felt like I was having intercourse with a succubus.

This rabbit hole is just a little too deep for me.

Good luck

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>>39188572
Any book that non-satirically includes analysis like pic related isn't worth the paper it was written on. I sincerely hope you didn't take any of it seriously when you read it.

>>39188821
The analysis of mimetic desire is probably the most profound development in late 20th and early 21rst centuries. You can't expect to understand Deleuze without first understanding Lacan. See also Rene Girard and Nick Land.

>>39188821
>>39188903
Also https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libidinal_Economy

Do Americans ever have to pay for this kind of involuntary medical 'treatment'?

>>39188978
I'm on my mom's insurance so that paid for the $1000 daily cost. I'm not sure what happens if you cant afford it.

>>39187319
this is what a severe manic episode looks like folks

THEY WILL SEND DOGS ON MARS ; THEY WILL CATCH YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT AND MAKE YOU JOIN THE ASTRONAUTS SYNDICATE AND SEND YOU ON MARS TO LIVE WITH DOGS.
TELL THE MOTHERFUCKERS IL BLOW UP THE WHOLE BUILDING IF THEY GET CLOSE TO MEEEEEEEEEE:

I think I almost became schizophrenic, but I walked off the path

>good mood: would think all the girls passing by me on campus were talking about me
>every girl in class thought I was the hottest guy
>every girl who touches her hair or preens her clothes is doing it because I'm in the room (these are signs that woman sees a man she likes)
>auditory hallucination: whenever a girl speaks on the "edge of my hearing range", that is, the range where you can hear them speak but you really can't tell what they're saying....my mind would fill in the blanks so that they were talking about me

>bad mood: everyone on campus thinks I'm a psychotic, totally fucked up, autistic, retard
>I mention in an Philosophy of Ethics class how our school symbol, the dolphin, is messed up because dolphins rape other dolphins, form dolphin gangs, and pimp out dolphins
>a few days later in class in group with girl, she randomly mentions she has "autistic brother". I think its because she thinks I'm autistic because of the dolphin thing I said and other stuff I said in class
>everyone that walks by is a shadow, because I don't look at them when they walk by. They're like 7-8ft tall shadows as I stare at the ground and keep walking.
>Common audio hallucination: "Is he crying?" Breathing fast, tense body, I wonder if sometimes i cry but I don't notice I cry, my eyes get watery. "Is he crying/"
>Professor says "If there was something wrong with you, you wouldn't be here!" I think he's talking to ME SPECIFICALLY, mocking me, basically saying why are you here kid, you're fucked up in the head

>>39189160 (continued)

>Work in tea shop. There's this guy there DAVE who I really, really fucking hate. There's this super nice, pure girl who works there and he talks about dirty shit around her making her uncomfortable. Randomly while working she screams "I QUIT", because he's obviously bothering her but she ends up stays working there for at least another year or so
>DAVE walks back and I see his hand bleeding. "Anon, why did you bite me?" Hear girl I work with go "What?"
>I have no recollection of biting him. I bit my brothers when I fought with them as kid. I don't know if he hurt himself somehow cooking and then said that as a joke, or if I really did have a psychotic break and bite him
>DAVE is talking to girl about "some guy". He uses a name that's not mine but I'm convinced he's talking about me. "I used to think there was something a little strange about "Steve", but now...."
>I quit the next day never went there again
>Masturbate to various Yoga Sex Gods and then as I move towards Christianity I masturbate to Joan of Arc reading Christian Prayers about Joan of Arc
>As punishment for that....had hallucination of Satan trying to get me to sign a blood contract with him. Nothing can make him go away, he won't go he wont' go. I eventually think of Jesus and a wall of crosses. He hates this. Jesus says, "To make Satan go away, you must ride him." Satan gets on all fours and I ride him. He screams in agony of the humiliation of this

>>39189181

Anyways, I haven't experienced these symptoms for years Now I go to neither of these ups or downs, just through self help books, balancing out my mind. My mind is an empty ocean, to which I let thoughts arise to the top. I can disagree with the thoughts that appear in my mind. Not all thoughts that appear in your mind or true. Often, they are randomly generated and wrong.

I begged Joan of Arc for forgiveness for what I did....if hope she has accepted my forgiveness. Sometimes I think she has, but I still feel disgusting, terrible, vile, for desecrating the best Saint ever. I didn't come to this mindset, I think I would have gone off the deep end. I also stopped smoking weed. I think that caused a lot of this paranoia.

>>39189193
Shit dude, you've got me second guessing myself now. I thought all the same stuff about all the girls in college wanting to fuck me, but now I'm wondering if that wasn't just prodormal symptoms.

>>39189181
> Jesus says, "To make Satan go away, you must ride him." Satan gets on all fours and I ride him. He screams in agony of the humiliation of this
lmfao

>>39189193
To me it just sounds like you're larping armed with a few hours of Wikipedia spelunking mental health pages under your belt. To which if you are, please stop. it might be a little fun to go around on the Internet acting like you've got "depression :^(" or something for sympathy points but clinically diagnosed schizophrenia (phrased loosely since it generally goes deeper than that) is GENUINLY a struggle.

>>39188903
I'll tell you, buddy. These types of books are what you get when you give an air headed college professor with a big lexicon a tab of acid.

Fuck this thread is giving me flashbacks. I'm not truly schizo, but I cold turkey withdrew from alcohol and benzos, withdrawing from either one of those without a tapering process can kill you, and I had a mental breakdown with full blown paranoid delusions. I ended up destroying my smart phone and computer I saved forever to get because I was convinced the government was watching me and all of this shit.

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>>39187319
Damn son those delusions are getting out of hand, I've been in that place and also dealt with other people in that state, it all feels so very real and there's nothing you can do to convince someone otherwise. I really do hope you recover, it's hard work processing all those invasive thoughts day after day night after night, it's an awful thing to live with. Really hoping you can overcome it friend stay strong.

>>39189772
>because I was convinced the government was watching me and all of this shit.
You know I wonder how legitimate schizophrenia react when it's been 100% proven the government does do this (of course the government isn't as intimate and in depth with their spying as a schizo would believe)

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>>39188538
Patients need their entertainment, yo.

>>39190176
Hopefully they only precieved it as entertainment.

>>39187699
>The book deals with a horribly failed romance that caused me to drop out of college, so that was also fresh in my mind.

That means your novella pretty much has to suck.

Sorry to have to break the news.

I wrote one of those once, and it sucked. But one of the leaders of the Lodge of Guys Who Wrote Novellas About Horribly Failed Romances that Caused Them to Drop out of College contacted me to let me know that such novellas always suck. They always end with you turning into Hitler, too - that's a pretty standard trope. Or if the novella doesn't end that way, you actually try to turn into Hitler in your real life, which works out poorly for most.

Honestly, the only reason THIS SIDE OF PARADISE doesn't end that way is because Hitler hadn't happened yet.

I'm one of the lodge leaders now, so it was my job to reach out to you.

Now that you're in the lodge, we may contact you again to assign you a task. We are behind many phenomena that are usually attributed to other, more well known lodges.