Robots feels and thoughts

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>Tfw feeling tired and like shit all the time lately
>While shopping saw a woman wearing a white top with the sleeves pulled off her shoulders with bra straps poking through the sleeves
>On the drive home tried to understand the logic - if she was gonna have the straps down then why not take them off altogether as they are clearly serving no use just hanging down the arm like that

>>39180281
Just feel really pissed off and stressed out for no reason. Like always. Nothing that special.

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>>39180281
Anyone else here feels like the game was rigged from the start?
>develop terrible anxiety due to all the drunken fights my family had when I was little
>don't go to kindergarten nor socialise with other kids during the most important age for developing social skills
>no paternal influence due to father leaving family and also being a deadbeat alcoholic
>mom is not present most of the time due to constantly being at work, only non-school activity is watching pre-recorded Futurama episodes on repeat for hours
>depression and low self-esteem worsened by isolation and pure-O
I feel like a fundamentally flawed being without a single chance of being reshaped. All I want is to fry my brain with drugs and alcohol to the point where I can't feel anything anymore.

>tfw fucking hate school
>tfw fucking hate working
>tfw no gf
>tfw live my whole life behind a mask
>tfw probably one of the last robots on this board
>tfw obviously want to kms
>tfw thought my depression was gone
>tfw ftw
>tfw there's no way out
>tfw only 20 and want out
>tfw can't imagine how it will be at 30
>tfw just end me

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>>39180281
I thought educucking was bad, working hard and being around normies all day, especially around crush - that was depressing. School-shooter, suicidal depressing level. But I'm a neet for a little more than two months and I'm still deppressed. Typical day goes like this: I wake up pretty optimistic, my mood starts plunging in the afternoon, and the evening is total shit, and then I struggle to find my sleep in bed. All this with a lot of fapping and a lot of rage sessions. And it's not like I'm handicapped or autistic in the medical sense of the word. I used to be a semi-normie in school, but my past rapidly caught up with me. I made efforts back then to be really charismatic and social. Now I'm a nervous wreck.

I'm back to uni in a few weeks and I'm afraid. Afraid I'll lose and or will struggle to adapt in my university dorms. I'm sad over nothing and angry over nothing.
This world of vapid consumerism. The elites have all the power. Nothing ties me to my past - I'm a mongrel as well. This girl. I fell in love really hard. I would have died for her. She had a flame burning in herself. Now where is she? Off to London? School of anthropology or something (arts/japanese language). I know she'll meet someone better than me. She's cause of what became my downfall. Once I was rejected by her it was a steady but sure downard slope. Or maybe my sadness had been dormant. IDK. Tomorrow i'll wake up and feel cool, then in 24 hours I'll be posting like this again

>>39180666
I feel you.
>tfw can't do drugs because it seems like my mind don't like it at all
>weed makes me have panic attacks and makes me want to kill myself, more than the usual thought
I could try other drugs but it wouldn't end up well. Have you tried drugs ? If yes, what effect does it have on you ?

>>39180713
I feel you too.
>tfw HS drop out
>been a NEET for a little bit more than a year now
>depression sometimes goes away then comes back stronger than ever
>obviously no gf and virgin
>tfw the void
>tfw only 18 years old

>>39180490
>women
It's hard to understand them

>>39180783
This picture doesn't mean much, but I have a hard time expressing myself, may it be with words or anything else. What do you do during your days as a NEET ?

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>>39180783
>>39180918
Posted without the picture

>>39180918
>What do you do during your days as a NEET ?
Typically get up at 11 AM cause I like my sleeping schedules correct for what they're worth. I browse the internet, read some news, research some politics, visit some political chat rooms. then I eat. In the afternoon I may play some CS GO and then stream my favorite TV show or anime series. In the evening I watch the TV journal and then watch a movie or shitpost/play all night long. I'm 18 too. That used to make me happy back when I was 15. Now theres this sadness I cant shake off. I always tell myself itll go away in one month or so. It neevr does. If only I could talk to my crush.

Fuck, some days I just want a civil war to happen just to see what the fuck would happen because I'm so miserable

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>>39180281
>have a basketheap car I've had for almost a decade I'm working on in garage
>lots of things on it are squared away and I'm thinking it's time to try starting it up
>finally after months get an entire weekend (wageslave) to myself
>all of a sudden neighbors on 3 sides come out of their houses to hang out in their yards
>don't want to attract their attention so put the keys away and put the cover back on
maybe next time

>>39180831
Yeah, I got a crazy panic attack on weed not so long ago as well, eyes pulsating, completely alerted being, like every feeling had an infinite echo, felt like I was raped or something after it ended. Coke is by far the best. Expensive, but you feel like everything that have ever bothered you just washed off with a single bump, you're full of energy and nothing can perturb you from bliss. The only problem are last minutes when trip is about to end and you get anxious, however no mood swings happen, so it's alright. Only topped by chugging the entire whisky bottle while playing FPS all by yourself. You should consider moving up the degenerate ladder and try shit like LSD or crack, there's a poison for everyone.

>>39180983
We almost have the same days, sleep schedule excluded. What keeps me away from my thoughts are vidyas. It was much more effective when I was 15 too, it still works now but someday it won't work anymore. I'm currently replaying Mass Effect, the lore and all the mysteries around these games keep the void thoughts away. It'll last only a few days but at least I'll think of something else during those few days. I don't know you or your mindset but maybe you could try a story heavy game, of course some of these games makes the void even bigger because they're depressing. What kind of game do you like ? Maybe I can help you find one to keep away the thoughts.
>some days I just want a civil war to happen just to see what the fuck would happen
I think that a lot. It'll eventually happen, both in Europe and the US.

Is acceptance of your situation a bad thing?

Everyone has a different reality, thus nothing I do matters. How I act, how I guide myself does not matter. I am a brush stroke a canvas that hold many paints, and together we form a mash of color, almost devoid of beauty. Ultimately I am lost to myself, to everyone I know and my family, forever in flux. Never to know stability, forever disconnected. There is me, everyone one else a player, we all are playing for keeps.
Only relative truth is meaningful, all useless information shall be discarded. Anything that doesn't benefit my self will be thrown aside. Those that stand by me can, those that stray behind waived.
I am the only driving force on this planet, not to dismiss. Rather so I can hug and thank. Once I am stable, that I am in position, I will show everyone around the love I wished. The love that was dangling in front of me.
I'm so sorry for what happens, I just want to help, doing it however I can.

>>39180666
>tfw already at that stage with drugs
I miss being able to feel.

>>39181136
>What keeps me away from my thoughts are vidyas.
I nearly only play CS GO now but having grown an inferiority complex when I lose I get pretty sad (quite pathetic I know). Also it's full of normies. I used to love videogames like Fallout, Deux Ex, Far Cry (1) and recently I completed Skyrim. But right now it's like a slump. Try going through the New Vegas campaign again and got bored. And Im just frigging 18 for fucks sake I'd expect that at 30 not 18. I was such an adamant player a few years back.

All that can really take my minds off things now are shows and movies but they only last for a little time. I set to myself limits that I'd only watch 2 episodes per day so I can enjoy it for longer. I'd be open to suggestion for new vidyas thanks

>>39181378
You still here Oppee.?

>>39181378
Here are some games I'd recommend:
>Mass Effect
Until the 3rd, to "fix" the ending of ME3 there's a bunch of mods. I'll be doing my first playthrough with a mod that changes a lot of stuff, I don't knw what to except yet. Don't go for ME Andromeda, this is SJW bullshit, a shit game.
>Dragon Age
Origins is good, gameplay is a little old for today but still enjoyable. I didn't like DA2, felt like shit. The latest, Inquisition, has some SJW shit in it, but overall it's a good game, just don't except a DA Origins level of good. DA:I DLCs are god tier though.
>Deus Ex
May it be the first one, Human Revolution or Mankind Divided they're all top tier, even though MD was a big disappointment, it's still great. It just ends brutally, feels way too short.
>Modded Skyrim
You can either mod it into a survival realistic game or a complete non sense game, a lot of mods are available. Modding Skyrim in itself absorb lots of thoughts, would recommend.
>God Eater if you like weeb stuff
Basically a simplified Monster Hunter with anime style.
>Assassin's Creed from the first to the 3rd
After AC3 it all goes downhill. AC Unity is good for graphisms if you have a powerful PC.
>Far Cry 3
It's a good FPS, takes some time to complete at 100%. FC4 is shit.

These are the ones that come on the top of my mind.
Do you watch Game of Thrones ? A shame it became too normie. I'm still excited for the next season, which is what I've been waiting for since the 1st: white walkers finally getting beyond the wall.

>>39181159
Depends on the situation. What is your situation ?

>>39181934
>>Deus Ex
I played Human Rev, but my pleb PC can't run the latest. May try the first one.

>>Modded Skyrim
I was huge into modded Fallouts, but recently it just feels like a chore and the game crashes so damn often. May try it but I doubt I'll have the courage

>>Far Cry 3
Finished it last month, great game.

Otherwise thanks for your suggestions. May get either Deux Ex or Mass Effect.

>Game of Thrones
No, not into the whole medieval fantasy setting when it comes to films/shows. At the moment I'm watching Ghost in the Shell, and t as well. There's a shit ton of normie shows coming out in September so thatll keep me busy probably

>>39181934
But anyway thanks for the suggestions. I'll look them up who knows

>>39181123
just dont pay attention to them, if they try convo just say you're busy and need to focus/concentrate on your project

OR

maybe you could ask them to help you, or perhaps just talk about the car, what you're doing with it, the work, etc. Nothing wrong with being a little friendly with people even if you dont want to talk to them

>>39181130
I could probably get my hands on some LSD if I tried hard enough. I'm affraid that it'll end up badly, worse than with weed. LSD causes hallucinations doesn't it ? If I don't have the right state of mind it could get intense in a bad way. I don't know shit about drugs yet I want to try them, even though there's 50% chances for it to turn bad.

>>39181666
OP is still here, playing Mass Effect. This game is what awaken a passion for everything beyond Earth. I wanted to do something related to the stars, an astro physician. Then I dropped out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGF-f3arb04

>another satanic trip witnessed in a day
>2 in a single thread
Satan pls.

>>39182027
>>39182044
You can also emulate tons of games if your CPU is good enough. If you like doing the same thing over and over again I'd recommend any of the Monster Hunter games on PSP. PSP emulation is great, games usually run nicely even with a shitty PC.
The Dark Souls games are among my favorites, except DaS2, but I didn't recommend them because they don't help at all with depression.
Another one I didn't mention; Diablo 3 (or 2), it's just killing things, I got 200 hours out of it, if you like the genre give it a try.
As for the shows, maybe you'd like Hannibal.

>>39180281
I think I should cut down on the coffee a little. I like the taste of it and it's nice to have a nice hot cup straight from the pot in the morning or on winter days. I only drink 2, sometimes 3 a day but I dunno. Read it has benefits but I don't want to form an addiction or something to it. Also I'm unironically considering doing Mannrobics, in private of course.

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>>39180281
>doing shitty construction job as a helper
>owner of the house has a little girl
>the girl runs into me on her way into the house
>first time in years a female even touched me
>she looks up and blushes, then says:
>"Hi"
>feelings of adoration and captivation fill my heart
>SAY SOMETHING ANON
>"H-hi...."
>she smiles and runs into the house
>I can't stop the feelings
>think about how a little girl makes me feel this way
>start to wonder if I'm a pedophile
>don't think like that anon
>think of how I wish women would stay this cute and innocent
>realize even a little girl gives me anxiety
>mfw

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>>39180281
I think I have lost the ability to enjoy anything. I keep trying new stuff or stuff that I used to enjoy in the past, but I don't get any joy or pleasure from them. Realizing that just makes me feel worse. As a consequence, I'm losing motivation to do anything at all. Why work if I can't feel good about it, even when spending my money? Why consume any sort of media when they just feel like a chore I have to get through? Why travel when every place feels the same? Why bother trying to get a gf when all I want is to be left alone? Why live when I don't enjoy life?

>>39182487
>Why live when I don't enjoy life?
I get anhedonia a lot too, anon. Except for the travel part. I've been wanting to travel to some deep jungle with Indians for some weeks now and I used to travel a lot as a kiddo

>>39182487
Just wait until it sets in, becomes normal. You accept it and it becomes your mask.

>>39182423
Maybe you want a child, someone to care about and help growing up. I had a dream in which I had a wife and a child. In real life I absolutely hate children and don't want one, I couldn't even take care of one. But in the dream it felt nice, it felt like I had a family of my own.

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I really hope my relationship will work out. It just started and I really like them but I'm nervous. Lately everyone I know has been tiring their back on me and it's making me scared they are going to do it as well.

>>39182487
Watch french film A Man Asleep by Perec.

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>>39180281
>tfw feel alienated from the system and just can't wait for it go down in flames

>>39182423
>work shitty jobs only a few months per year once the money gets to tight, until I get fired
>rest of the year, be sedantary bum (a bum with a home but no money and no friends)

Anyway that was the uninteresting intro... here comes the good part

>take long walks
>erryday
>go to parks
>alone
>once a very scary dog growled at me, came very near me (didn't notice him as I was reading)
>trusting what I saw on TV, life-saving situations against grizzly bears, I made a point to not show fear
>try to stare the dog down
>he growls even more
>see all my life behind my eyes in a second
>he *barks* at my face...
>fear for my life added to humiliation, because it's a rich neighboohood, everybody there enjoys the weather with their friends, I was the weird guy alone, now I'm the little pussy perv that even dogs detect as undesirable
>fortunately when dog started barking, an owner showed up and took the dog

... well fuck that was still not my story, that was related to your post... ...anyway... Point being,

>always alone
>my tongue has become completely useless, not for speaking anyway
>100% of people ignore me, act like I wasn't there (compare to a girl alone, that will (too) often be approached by strangers)
>but in parks, sometimes a kid will come up to me
>throws me a ball
>or just comes very close (they don't say hi, they didn't learn that yet, they just stare, a bit afraid, and are delighted when I manage to smile despite the terror and the sour feels, knowing that...
>parents will usually scold the child in a heartbeat for approaching a stranger

so yes, kids...

even better than animals.

I guess these kids who throw me the ball, contrary to adults who could care less about another lonely bum, the kids see me as the lonely kid at school in the playground, and they were taught you shouldn't be afraid of the lonely kid, who only would want to play.

Of course you're not a pa1do, kids are just better at being human.

>>39183013
There's truth to this. In that short time frame of a child's life before they learn the evils of the world, they are truly amazing

The secret to life is that it's awful.

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>make music for years
>never made anything good despite putting in best effort
>want to quit but im a friendless NEET who only works on making music and listens to podcasts

>>39183708
What kind of music do you make ? Do you have a soundcloud ?
I made 2 crappy songs with song effects from Skyrim as a joke, I'm pretty sure the music you make is far better than these two pieces of crap. I also do mixes of songs of vidya when I can't find one on internet. I'm good at mixing already existing music, at making it, not really.

I just turned 24 this summer, I just realized that I am really far away from ever having a gf, like ever. I probably wont reproduce, and this troubles me

>>39183922
It is probably better to not have an offspring considering what the world is coming to

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feeling annoyed

>getting like 5 texts every minute from all my friends to go out
>girl i fucked last night keeps hitting me up to hang out again
>girl im fucking tonight taking forever to get to my place

sigh

>>39183955
Originally GET OUT NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>39180281
I've been masturbating crazy amounts recently, I'm an 18 year old virgin and I think my natural instincts to want to fuck things finally kicked in, it probably only gets worse the older I get.

>>39184173
Don't fap too much anon. You could work out and try doing nofap, the benefits from it aren't a meme.

>>39184173
>it probably only gets worse the older I get
Eh, I was like that at 18 too. Now at 23, I masturbate like once a week. And that's mostly out of boredom rather than horniness

>tfw hiding in a bathroom at my sister's wedding because the dancing started.

I'm still in here but I'll probably have to move soon because a few people have knocked.

>>39180281
Good thread. We should have one of these going every day.

>Tfw you lay in bed counting sheep, desperately
>Get to 100
>...Fuck it I'm getting up and checking 4chan

It's not even anxiety I'm really trying to enter zen mode but it's just not working.
How come I have to be EXHAUSTED to fall asleep?? Shit sucks

>>39184341
Try to see if you can manage to get someone to piss/shit themselves. Bonus points if it's the groom

>>39183890
I don't have a soundcloud. This is the closet thing to an actual track I've finished in a while. Everything else is just drum workouts or abstract bleeps.
https://clyp.it/usdlvplv

>>39184341
Fake a diarrhea, or tell them you feel like throwing up, that could work.

>>39184384
Try doing some exercises before going to sleep, you'll fall asleep more easily, I think.
>tfw always tired so falling asleep fast is easy as fuck
Always being tired sucks though.

my mom might be dying soon[\spoiler]

i dont feel well at all

>>39184484
This is bretty gud anon, makes me think of a music of a 2000s anime. Keep making music !

>>39184499
Don't lose hope.
If she might die, she might as well survive, no ?

I'm about to go to school for an associates science degree that will let me get an outdoorsy job. I'm so disillusioned with the idea of friendships and romance I just want to be away from everyone with a nice doggo out in the woods. If I was me 2 years ago I'd probably be going in to school obsessing about finding a gf. I'm done chasing women, its such a god damn chore and it never works out. I'm just going to focus on my school work and probably drink a lot on my free time. Thankfully I got a dorm room by myself so I don't have to interact with anyone if I don't want to.

There's an increasingly high chance that I will get some kind of an advanced degree before I get my first ever date.

>>39180831
>>39181130
Stimulants, Benzos or pain pills coupled with heavy drinking are probably the best drugs for robots IMO.

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>>39180281
I have never been so low in my life. Everything is weighing down on me and I have no one to talk to. It takes all my restraint not to cry in public.

I think I'm going to kill myself soon. I'm scared

>>39185208
I feel the same. My friends aren't the same anymore with me, barely talk to me. Some of them talk to me just to feel good about it.
I went to the mall with my mom in the week, I didn't expect that much people. I was biting my finger until we were back home, my finger was bleeding. When we had to go to the cashier my mom went to take something she forgot, leaving alone for a few minutes. I couldn't see anything beyond the finger I was biting. I wasn't moving. I got back into reality when the woman behind me asked me with a smile "you're not moving ?". I can't stand people anymore, I can't stand much things anymore. I wanr to either kill myself or kill everyone else.
If I was a normie, I'd tell you to not kys, but sometimes that's the only solution, some people are not fit for this world. I know I'll kill myself someday, it's just a matter of time.

OP here, I'm going to sleep. Don't let this thread die fellow robots, express yourselves !
>tfw going to sleep at 6.40am

>>39180281
>constantly getting new medical problems
>too many to even count anymore
>no friends, no family, completely passive towards everything
>neighbors and teens on my street scared of me
>i dont even talk to them theyre just afraid of me because i look like a creep
>sit around listening to music and reading manga when not working
>probably getting fired for giving off "bad vibes" to customers
i want out

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>>39180281
who here is /MAX APATHY/?
There's so many things I want to do right now but have no motivation to take the first step

>>39180281
>I want to kill myself.
Originoli

>tfw women cross the street when I walk near them
>always give me 'that look'
>tfw barely feel anything anymore
>tfw can't sleep

>was gonna finally ask out girl I liked for a long while
>literally spent days mentally preparing
>casually getting some food before dropping her off
>in parking lot
>group of redneck assholes drive by
>"You'll never score! Give up now!"
>drive off leaving into night
>I feel sick

I want to find those fuckers and disembowl them but I guess since that's not an option I'll just listen to Hawthorn Heights and cry myself to sleep. Just like highschool.