times you walked out of social situations?

I once tried to write an english essay, but I just sat at my desk panicked for about an hour and a half. I had epididymitis (guessing also from anxiety since I've never lost my virginity) and what made me walk away was feeling a soft tissue-breaking sensation in my balls, followed with more pain then usual.

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>me several years ago in community college
>waiting in line at cafeteria to get me some tendies
>really attractive girl asks me if I am in line or not
>freak out, have a panic attack struggle to make the sound of "NO" and run away
>she says something like "Hey, you don't have to...) and I cut her off and blurt out that I was leaving anyway
>speedwalk to the bathroom and try to pull myself together.
>never ate lunch

There is no hope for a robot.

I left a lot of jobs like that.

>have job interview

>get anxiety cant eat or sleep

>dont show up.

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>>39167364

>have to take a speech class in community college
>stress out the entire night before because I know my presentation is shit and the teacher is a hardass who will flat out call you out for being too nervous, told me on my first presentation I looked "scared to death" right in front of everyone
>wind up just saying fuck it and not going, failed the course

there's also been a few times where I've been late or gotten lost while going to take an exam and I got so anxious at the thought of having to walk into class covered in sweat from having to rush to find the right place all while being watched by 100+ people that I just said fuck it and went back home and failed. I am fucking pathetic.

>finish two year college
>had previously made a cowardly confession of affection to one of my classmates in the last few weeks
>graduation ceremony comes around
>I'm close to the stage to receive a paper and handshake from some people
>she spots me and tries to get my attention
>ignore it and immediately after that leave the entire thing without so much as saying hello to anyone
I don't regret it.

>>39168161
Similar experience except I showed up
>interview at Starbucks
>lot of people there (mostly girls cause of course girl job but I needed the money)
>find a table in the corner for myself
>realize everyone is nicely dressed
>wait about a half hour
>two people come out and start interviewing everyone one on one at each table
>the interview questions sounded really difficult to answer and everyone is giving fine answers
>see them about to approach my table next
>start freaking and sweating
>they get to me and say "are you mr. Anon?"
>freak out quickly answer "no I am just waiting for my order"
>they of course said oh and moved on to the next person
>pretty sure they knew I was lying since I was sitting there for a long time
>when no one was paying attention I quickly got up and made a hasty retreat
>felt bad

>Have to take a foreign language class in college
>Taking Japanese
>Bunch of normies in the class, wtf where are the autistic weebs
>The area I decided to sit are the most normal of the normies, can barely interact with them, they never interact with me
>Class has a lot of "practice the language by telling others about yourself"
>Panic
>Can never find a partner for it, and professor has us switch to a new partner every few minutes

I dropped the class halfway through the semester because I couldn't take it any more.

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>>39168360

holy fuck I can totally relate. we had to partner up every day which wasn't so bad because we were assigned partners but the oral exams and skits we had were nerve wracking for me. I fucked one oral exam up so hard that I still cringe when I think about it, I still remember the professor's disappointed face and tone like "oh this poor thing, he's retarded but he's trying so hard".

Anxiety is such fucking bullshit. What purpose does it serve to modern humans? None, it's fucking 90% maladaptive in developed world. Human brain is fucking pile of shit

>>39168394
I hate the skits and public shit. Ask me how to say a sentence and I'll do it but don't make me talk about myself, I don't know what to say in English, a language I barely know is asking for a lot. What language were you taking? Japanese?

>>39168420

yeah, it was japanese. I've been thinking of going back to school because I never finished but that would mean either having to go through japanese again or trying a different language.

>>39168401
Actually you are a fucking pile of shit, human brain is doing fine

>>39168444
I'm gonna try French this semester. Half of the Japanese class is already gone since it's still in English characters. I'm also trying to learn as much as I can before the semester starts. Just keep trying anon, you can do it. You've got me rooting for you.

>>39167364
>get job interview
>it's over the phone
>get panic attacks frequently
>talking over the phone has a 90% success rate
>decide against calling the employer
>went back to posting on r9k and wishing I had money

>>39167364
>spring semester of college this year
>becoming more and more miserable
>become intensely frustrated at the perceived complexity of the concepts and problems in my math class
>stormed out mid-lecture several times and went home, also skipping the classes after that one
>eventually just refused to go to class
>about four weeks in too behind to catch up on anything
>have mental breakdown 4 in the morning on valentine's day after doing work all day and night and not making a dent
>drop every class

Some more
>play Destiny a lot
>go to friend's house
>he's playing pvp and doing good
>I play and do trash
>storm out and leave less than an hour after getting there

>in high school
>playing basketball during pe with the high school's basketball team
>seldom play basketball
>they get annoyed by my lack of skill
>"PASS THE FUCKING BALL"
>I just dropped the ball on the ground and walked off the court

>>39168401
It doesn't serve any purpose. It's just a random illness that affects people without reason. It's like cancer but instead of killing you like cancer does, it drives you to kill yourself.
My theory is enviroment triggers mental illnesses though, so if you live a natural, stress-free life (i.e a farmer) you will never develop or trigger them.

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>reluctantly attended a small social gathering at coworker's home, coworker drove me there
>everything's going fine, I'm controlling my autism and anxiety so far
>then six or seven more normies waltz in, the normie brigade and my heartrate are both increasing
>then the fucking unspeakable evil happens
>they ask to play Charades, and force everyone to have a turn, including me
>forcing a robot playing charades is like forcing a prisoner to get fucking waterboarded
>my turn comes, I got "dollar" but had nothing in my wallet to pantomine to anyone since I'm a broke fuck
>after embarrassment and frustration I just end up sitting down and saying "yeah, it was 'dollar' but I had no money to show you."
>normies notice that I'm the only one who's actually lost a point in this game
>with each normie pantomiming, I get more and more nervous, knowing my turn with arrive and I can't fucking stand public presentations or inane "stand in front of ten people and act like a fool" games like these
>Before my turn begins, I mumble "I'll be right back" and leave through the back screened door
>...
>I fucking jog the fuck out of there, despite the fact that I have no goddamn clue where I am or how I'd get transportation
>I keep running, saying "fuck it, fuck it all, fuck all of them"
>I walk for what seems like a half hour, and come accross some older normie walking his dog
>As polite as possible I say "hello sir, do you know which way it is to get to the doormatories?"
>He looks surprised and says "woah, that's a long way, but yeah just go straight and take a right."
>I walk another twenty minutes, finally find my dorms, halleuah

The feeling of jogging away from the normie party was honestly one of the most frightening but satisfying moments of my life. I had no clue where I was, and I didn't care. I just had to escape at all costs.

TL;DR - Fuck normies, fuck social gatherings, and especially fuck Charades.

>>39167364
The important question here is why didn't you predict that if you failed the class you would be here writing this post about it, never able to go back ever again and change circumstances while you had your one shot. Pathetic.

And while you're on the topic of anxiety, I get anxiety that I'll become needlessly as much of a loser as you by dropping clear chances just because they feel momentarily overwhelming. You make me sick because you're what I fear most in life of becoming.

>>39168741
>>39168760

If you're not only posting here but have such a visceral reaction to posts like this then you're probably fucked t.b.h. You are angry because deep down you know your fate is inevitable. I suggest coming to terms with it now because if you don't you'll wind up shooting up a school or something.

>>39168665
Literally running away into the night is actually a sort of fun experience, at least in my opinion. Maybe its just the novelty of it because I never actually do anything of value and running away feels like an action with some metaphorical weight.

i had to give a final presentation in front of class of about 100 ppl. i was super nervous. about 30 seconds in, my voice started to shake and i coudnt talk right. then my mind went blank. i just stopped and said "im sorry, i need to go to the bathroom". i just turned and walked out and never came back. i walked straight to my car and drove home. i got an F

>>39167364
>middle school
>walking past a bunch of girls taking group photos
>they call me over
>I freeze like a retard and look at them
>they grab me and put me front and center in the group
>They're all giggling and shit, oh god
>spaghetti starts leaking from my pockets
>right before they take the picture I sperg out and break free from their arms and literally run away

>>39168779
I'm the 'disregard females, acquire currency' type. When we lay out money or take out loans for classes, we'd better fucking pass them rather than hiding away and choosing failure just to avoid some normies' turning up their noses at us. If you can't handle being around normies don't enroll. It's about planning. If you don't plan, you're just another brainlet waste which is honestly the most normie thing there is to be.

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>>39167364
I got invited to a girl's birthday party once. My autistic self thought she was interested in me because we only knew each other for about 2 weeks before she invited me.
>I end up going even though I know I will spill spaghetti because I am socially autistic
>As I walk in she introduces me to her boyfriend
>oh.jpg
>Party lasts about 2 hours and I didn't say a word to any of the ~15 people that showed up and all knew each other
>Left early after pretending to go the bathroom and didn't say goodbye

>>39168840
Absolutely. It was such an insane mixture of adrenaline and gratification.

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>>39168161
I know this feel. Also:

>have job interview
>can't eat, can't sleep, sick with anxiety
>drive to the place where the interview is
>sit in car for two hours browsing phone until it's time to come home and pretend to your parents that you actually had the interview

>>39168842
>caring what normies think
>wanting normie approval at all
>not shitting your pants on stage and finishing the presentation while the crowd goes into uproar
You should have become a NEET if you can't handle exposure, Now you've achieved nothing but throwing money away. Faggot!

>>39168881
correct behavior. escape succubi and their spells

>>39168920
don't go back. If partying doesn't come natural to you it never will, and you will always be an extra in their life at best if you attempt to infiltrate the normie social world.

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>>39168967
well, that was freshman year of high school. haven't been invited anywhere since

>>39168991
You can still make individual friends, some of whom will be more socially well adjusted. But actually becoming cool if you're not naturally born into it is rare.

>>39168840
>Literally running away into the night is actually a sort of fun experience

I wasn't aware of how badly I want to do this.

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>>39167364
>Last year of high school
>class gets picked to organize big school event
>will have to interact with lots of people
>don't want to go but don't want to fuck over my group
>30 min bus ride to school
>show up, lots of people there
>anxiety rises
>sit down for a few minutes
>leave