i dont have any friends now im all alone

im planning to end my pain soon
i have an alternative plan to help some people
but i have no energy
im glad you were my friend

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>>39097611
>>39097660
I know these feels. I lost a ton of amazing friends recently. Now its just loneliness.

>>39098349
i lost my one friend and also my first ever former girlfriend at one point
she was the only person i felt connected to
its okay though
shes older and more wise. i respect whatever she does. at times we all feel okay but later we break down
pray that i finally end my suffering if i can get the courage for it

>>39097611
i lost someone special recently too.

it hurts so bad. but i still have hope. someday he'll change his mind right?

i hope so.

>>39098382
she was never your girlfriend and you know it, your larping is what drove her away and is what is keeping her away even now. she just wanted you to be happy but you took advantage of her kindness and overwhelmed her

what if i never had something special to lose

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>>39098430
we are the true winner, friend.

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>>39098382
Yeah. Courage. I have tried killing myself a few times and obviously never had full success. But this time, its more of a deep muted anger. I`m pissed that I havent been able to do it. I`m angry at who I am. I`m angry at my friends who abandoned me and angry that I caused it. I`m pissed. I plan on doing it soon. It might not be the suicide I want, but its going to get done. I`ve had it.
But dont throw down your sword yet, I mean (and I`m going completely on a limb) but you still might have a chance at her? or speak to her? I like the "respect whatever she does", yeah. I dislike my old friends and how they left but I respect them and love them the same.
The worst feeling in the world, is finding company and then loosing it agian. I hope yours isnt too bad.

>>39098427

i can believe the larping part to some extent. i didnt want to ever overwhelm her either. thanks for giving me some perspective

>>39098559
you know what youve done, dont make these threads and pretend to be innocent. I only knew her for a couple weeks in july but she wasnt happy and wished you would stop. you clearly didnt and here you are.

she was worried for your mental health last I spoke with her too so you should take your meds and go to a doctor

>>39098613
Thanks for telling me

im sorry if youre reading this
im sorry for all the recurring disgusting behaviors i did to you
im sorry. i dont know if youll ever talk to me again. but i hope you are happy right now. taking drugs with you would be fun at a time like this

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>want to reconnect with an old friend that I haven't seen in a while to get rid of crippling loneliness
>haven't spent time with anyone outside of school in so long that the thought of talking to people outside of 4chan terrifies me

>>39098613
its funny i felt connected with her but i didnt see what my actions were doing to her
im really scummy and i just realized it.

>>39098643
she hated the drugs, you know that as much as I do. the fact that you pushed her to take them should eat at your conscience for a long time. last I heard she was in rehab which is why shes gone but thats nothing more than a rumor

I tried to be your friend too but you blocked me after 2 days, get help

>>39098697
it is eating at my conscience yes.
i dont think shes in rehab. and if she is then im sorry if youre reading for pressing you to take them. im very irresponsible and i shouldnt have enabled your calls for help and shouldve helped you cope in different ways other than drugs

but a friend told me that last night she was annoyed with me and in a call with her significant other taking drugs from what i heard.

>>39098753
i shouldnt have enabled your coping mechanism of taking drugs when you were down about it almost all the time is a better way to word it
sorry

>>39098753
well, I dont know mush so I cant help you but from my understanding she didnt have anything but you and an ex she hated.

from my experience the thing she wanted was to get better and for you to get better too. she just wanted you to be ok and worried about you a lot. if we wasnt pretending she would probably prefer if you stopped making these threads and focused on yourself and making friends. I dont know much about you and that aya person but she said her nightmare was becoming another aya to you

>>39098799
thanks
dont want her to become another aya yeah.
pretty sure shes happy though and off r9k probably. glad shes happy doing her thing now i hope

>>39098837
who knows what shes doing but for your health just assume shes ok and worried about you

you need to focus on yourself and make some new friends to not be as lonely, you need to get some therapy and take your medicine and stop spamming /r9k/ with threads if you can

its going to be ok, youre going to get better satori

>>39098876
I dont want to assume that
i made her laugh at me at least
im glad shes with other people having fun

im probably gonna feel really bad later on. my brain is messed up but im glad i dont feel anything right now. i took a lot of medicine

>>39098914
that other person is larping too, you know that just ask them for more info and they wont respond. believe in her like you remember her. ask yourself "would she really do that to me?" you know shes a good person

she helped me with my problems even though I was an idiot and didnt respect her but I know she would never wish harm on anyone unless she was really hurting. its good you took your medicine and honestly you would do well to maybe stop coming on /r9k/ for a while. this place is a pit of misery and taking a break will cheer you up if you can find other things to do

youre an addict to things just like her and you need to work on fixing that just like she hopefully is

Lost all my friends years ago.
Keep getting invited to these social gatherings from coworkers
Always fuck it up and come off as a weirdo
yeah, how I am at work, silent and awkward
thats how i am all the time
I'm sorry for disappointing everyone.

>>39098975
Well larping or not hearing about her laughing sort of made me happy
im not really surprised if i was being laughed at in another world by anyone. im an over the top loser

Hope your problems get worked out if you need any advice just ask me

>>39099013
you only disappointed yourself, and you push yourself to be stronger
you always get stronger

>>39099029
I'm not really alive to begin with, if that makes sense.

>>39099053
im not alive either
sounds like we died in different places

>>39099018
I want her to be able to laugh too, last time we spoke she could only laugh like a drunk that laughs at their own misery. thats not a laugh of happiness, its a laugh of pain to help mask the sadness and pain she felt. I dont know what her ex did to her but he clearly messed her up worse than any drugs did and I hope he dies in a fire. she seemed like she was a sweet girl before everything happened

thank you for the offer of advice but my problems are mostly fine now after starting therapy and I hope you can do the same too and get better like me

>>39099065
It's like being in a car, you sit and just stare out the window the entire time and just watch things.

>>39099073
I dont really want to talk about it because privacy reasons for them but they probably respect your feelings and your feelings are respectable

Tell me how long have you been into therapy because im just getting into it myself

>>39099093
yeah life feels like I'm in the passenger's seat and I'm just waiting for the driver to get to their destination

>>39099109
Ive been 3 times now, she convinced me to go back in mid july and then I went 2 weeks later and then again yesterday. Its really good to have someone to vent to and give me ways to help fix my problems like breathing excerises and other coping things. the pills help too but honestly seeing what she did scares me from taking them too often.

what do you mean by talk about it for privacy reasons? did she talk about me for some reason?

>>39099093
it feels like that for me too
when i was at the psych ward the nurse told me to look at her in the eyes and it was the first time i looked in anyones eyes for a year. it felt unreal just like everything else in a car ride

>>39099152
Good thing you started going. it sounds like you built a pretty fast chemistry with your therapist already. what coping mechanisms do you always use subconsciously?

No not about you dont worry
just for her and her significant other is all

>>39099166
it's a weird existence man, just watching people come and go, fade into and out of your life. waiting to be spoken to, laughing when they laugh, smiling when they smile. never feeling it, always just neutral, bored, and trying to find the means to pass the time

>>39099203
its weird
when i felt like i knew everything about peoples emotions
always expecting what they feel at one moment and expecting more in the next
feels like a fatalistic existence in itself
everything is fatal

>>39099238
always thinking you got it pinned, then the next you shift into another line of crazy. people are like open books and you think you can read them, but all you do is read how you feel about yourself. always expecting people to be to your standard, feeling worthless when they're not because they must hate you
so you just regress into your shell and feed yourself exactly what you want to hear. you just become an observer of people, eventually it just becomes nature

>>39099195
well, prior to therapy I cut a bunch and general self harm. also I didnt care about dying so I was reckless in everything like work and driving and walking and sleeping around (dont become gay unless youre healthy im lucky I dont have aids somehow thinking about it now).

now I cope with meditation, hobbies and a dog that I just got from the rescue shelter. he really helps and having him there to hug when I get sad or taking him on walks or anything like that which can distract me is amazing and I love that lil pupper so much.

I dont feel really close to my therapist at all, we havent gotten super deep into my issues sicne theres only so much 3 hours can do. it is the highlight of my week since I can just let it all out and get help and advice vs going at everything alone and giving up and crying

Im glad it wasnt me they were talking about I hate being in the spotlight. you keep saying significant other but she told me she didnt want to be with another person ever again potentially. is he someone new or did she go back to her ex? I hope shes ok whatever it is

>>39099319
dogs are like babies
wish dogs could roam around everywhere so you could just mount one anon.
sorry

3 hours is a lot more than i get. now i feel really set back for my therapist session goals wew.

She was with her ex last night yeah in a call. they went to sleep together

>>39099374
yeah I wish I could bring him with me everywhere, hes precious and I love him so much. I meant 3 hours in total, I only get 1 hour each meeting sorry for the confusion. how do you know about them doing that? it seems like something she would never do again and I find it hard to believe sure it isnt larping?

>>39099408
No they were really together in a call. she was pissed at me for making threads and taking drugs plus cutting. he convinced her to not message me and to not post in the threads because she was annoyed and on drugs most likely
then they went to sleep. and yeah.

i heard from a close friend of her ex

she said my presence was becoming like her exes before she blocked me and that she didnt like it.

but i guess she felt lonely and wanted to be around him again. he said she was lonely and talking forever. hope she is happy too
she probably is

>>39099408
sorry for spilling information
but i doubt any of them are reading or care

>>39099481
well it sounds fishy to me but if you trust the source then ok. she seemed to hate him a lot and unless hes way different from what she described that doesnt sound like him at all. I hope shes ok and maybe I just have a bad image of the ex. they were together a long time right?

dont worry yourself too much over her she was super flaky to everyone and I would be willing to bet shes moved on by now and hoping your alright

>>39099553
I was always flaky too and cant put anything on her at all for things like that

yeah my source is trustworthy. i feel silly saying that but yeah it'd be quite a bizarre thing to lie about.

she already moved on yeah. did it quite fast. glad she is in a neutral state or moreso at this point.

>>39099597
at least shes ok then, you need to move on too. I know it hurts but just try to remove anything that reminds you of her. delete her contact info, remove old dms or whatever you have of her and just try to forget. if you dont think about her its much easy and you can limit yourself to like 1 breakdown every couple days until they stop versus constant pain

>>39099628
i stopped seeing myself as a person to her really. i pretend im an alien and not some sperg annoying her in reality who takes the little brother thing too far
i dont feel real and im not real right now

thanks for the advice but im not deleting anything of her. listening to her recordings are nice and looking at pictures of her are like seeing a family scrapbook thing

>>39099671
ok well be careful with that because in the end youre prolonging the healing process and hurting yourself more by looking at those things. my therapist said its good to grieve for a couple days but then you need to try your best to move on and get rid things that cause memories and panic attacks. good luck to you though you do whatever helps you cope that isnt self destructive and eventually youll be fine

>>39099723
thanks anon those are good choices of words to go by.
i dont feel bad listening to her recordings or seeing her pictures. i dont really want another friend and nobody will ever top her. i feel wholesome knowing her existence was around in my life

>>39099780
you said the same thing about aya, youll find someone even better if you just believe and dont give up. itll take time but theres plenty of other people out there and you can absolutely find someone even better than her. I enjoyed what time I spent with her but shes pretty broken as far as I can tell and you need someone healthy and caring

>>39099813
i dont think she should be compared on a scale to aya though.
she cant be better than anyone to me and she has a special place inside me for her. i talked with her every minute practically and spent my entire life with her in chats and voice calls etc. it felt like i had a family. the developments that happened and me eventually getting blocked is unfortunate. but im going to consider that the death of my personality. i decided im never going to make anymore close friends. i feel okay with that and its a good feeling. nobody will ever take her away from my messed up mind

>>39099864
*nobody can be better than her to me
but anyways long post sorry

>>39099864
you know thats not what she would want. she wanted the opposite of that and you know it so please dont give up on finding others. its nice that she spent so much time with you but that sounds like codependancy and its very unhealthy to do so dont seek that out again.

I didnt meant to compare her to aya as a person, just that you felt the same way when he left you and then found her. now that shes gone and you feel this way you can find someone new. Like I said though try not to go to crazy and make them your life

>>39099919
i didnt make her my life
people get sad over friends they lose because theyre close to them. i didnt stick around her just to feel safe. she was my best friend.
i know i was unhealthy about my reaction
but i cant really say anything about it
getting blocked by her and cutting myself then being sent to the psych ward is a painful memory for me. i didnt really think

>>39099919
anyways sorry for going on about my feelings
im bad at phrasing things and a lot of people know it. she has a special place in my heart is all i should say

>>39099942
well its good that you can reflect on all of this now. honestly compared to your other threads it seems like your doing a lot better and the medicine is helping. please use this time to work on yourself and improve your life and whatever you do don't stop taking them. you can make more friends and more memories to drown out the painful ones. youre alive and that means that you can keep moving forward towards happiness

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>>39097611
you have ur inner context of your mind,sole,and imagination....think about it

idk im just sayin random shit

>>39099987
thank you. if only i could take all of them at once so i could never feel bad again. id rather not go back to the monster i become that cries all the time. nothing is painful to me right now
i just hope the other me never comes out again. all i can hope for is to one day end my suffering one day if things get too rough. i can opt out by taking meds or dying.

>>39100036
dont stop taking the meds but dont overdose, if you feel those feelings then tell your doctor the meds dont last long enough and you need longer lasting ones. also make sure to get enough sleep and food and water to be healthy

>>39100067
i will!
thank you. i have kat in my conscience now. im never going to be lonely again as long as i think happy thoughts of her

she always told me to think of being hugged by her
so ill do that.

>>39100087
thats good, maybe treat her like your waifu and just imagine her being with you forever in spirit while trying to make your life the best it can be for her to make her happy and smile

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>>39100158
i will try to make her happy
i want to make everyone happy for her
i'll do anything for her
sorry being gushy

>>39100192
thats good, take those feelings and act on them. use the warmth she gave you and spread it to others! being gushy is much better than crying so do it all you want

>>39100210
i feel like i absorbed her personality
i can act more social with people in a way

>>39100210
i can feel myself wanting to get out and cry
its coming back soon
this sucks
being me
i wish i wasnt even alive

>>39100260
itll be ok, you need to find a way to cope and distract yourself. find some people to talk to on omegle or something and just relax

>>39100279
man this sucks
its coming back
i can feel it
oh god
this is terrible
haha
i hate myself so much. come on
im trying to stuff my feelings. it feels like hell.i did it for now. christ
i almost ended up crying
i hate this brain of mine
fuck
it hurts really bad
sorry
im
fucked up in the head
trying to not exist
i dont exist
im nothing
okay
i feel better a little

>>39097611
what's the pic from?
xx

>>39098427
Fucking hell I hate being reminded this but thanks anon, I know I'm a shitty person who brings other people down with my depression and clingyness. That's why they all left me.

>>39100420
its ok, just dont do it again. nobody likes being bragged to about their friends gf but its even worse when its fake and they know. imagine how she felt? she told you multiple times to stop I think too. the past is the past though just dont make the same mistakes twice.

you can do it, you can beat your emotions satori

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>slice of life mangas
>reading about ordinary life because you don't have one

when did people all become tortured celebrities?

>>39100485
yeah
im just seeing a mirror of myself really
she never really loved me
and she hates me
im insignificant to her and im just a mentally ill loser.
it doesnt hurt because i know i will never try getting close to anyone again
i dont want to bring anyone down
she left me because i was overwhelming her
and im toxic
i hope one day i can peacefully suicide because this pain i feel is too much to bear. im going at it alone but i hope i can pretend im just not real for the rest of my life

she never loved me though. and she did tell me to stop. im a piece of trash and im supposed to rot in the end. she wants me to die
im just a blip in her mind
she never liked me
im a shadow of her ex as she said
shes with her ex now though and happy
she didnt want me reminding her that she couldnt be with her soullmate
but i gave her that courage to reconcile with him
and im glad shes happy
im thrown away but thats mean to happen anyways. i am trash
and now, im nothing
and i will stay that way

>>39100674
Our friend, Ota, likes this song a lot. It's fitting when you see everything around you start to crumble.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eXL-kTzBJ0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eXL-kTzBJ0

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>>39097611
I lost my last friend recently. I confided a lot in him and trusted him and he ghosted me like some roastie bitch. Fuck the world and everyone in it.

>>39100674
well, if theyre truly back together then at least be happy you helped them. Im sure shes thankful for what you did and Im pretty sure she doesnt hate you. Dont be too down on yourself, youre not trash or anything just because you couldnt be someone else, find someone new and be their soulmate

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>>39098349
I'm pretty sure I'm about to lose one of my only 3 friends. He's been dodging me for 2 months straight ever since he got a girlfriend who he met online and lives like 6 hours away from and has only met her once. We've hung out like 2 times in the past 2 months we used to hang out at least once a week and during past summers we would hang out like 3 or 4 times a week.
In the end its not so bad but I'll miss him as he's been my friend for almost 7 years and he's one of the only people I feel I can actually talk to about stuff.
I guess I'll just go back to social isolation like I self imposed on myself as a child.

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I used to have a small group of amazing friends and after moving for university 3 years ago I have spent nearly every single day in my room. I'm such an autist I repel everyone I try to make friends with and the depression has lead to a couple anxiety attacks and moments where I really thought I was going to end it. Today The fellings of anhedonia are pretty bad, nothing stimulates me, nothing keeps my attention, nothing makes me happy. My mind is a gray emptiness and yet it's complete agony.

>>39100811
i am happy i helped her
she probably doesnt even think of me anymore
and i dont think she will
she already forgot about me
i just had a panic attack again while talking to my parent
i wish these could stop

i woke up just now
the pain is too much
im crying again
i hate myself
i miss her

i cant stop crying
it hurts
she was probably laughing at me earlier
it hurts

i dont know whats wrong with me
i keep crying
it hurts
she wont ever talk to me again
im terrible

take your medicine, you'll be ok

>>39097611

Who does the art for these covers?

>>39102830
i cant take any right now
shes gone
it hurts
it hurts
i want to die
it hurts so bad

i want to die
its too much
im so lonely
i cant make anymore friends
i dont know how to
it hurts
my head hurts.

>>39102916
What's your discord? I'll chat with you.

>>39103061
trash#5133

here it is
sorry