/cripplingdepression/ general

>>39054556
Pretty bleak. I'm not sure why I even come here anymore. I just want to be alone. If I want anything, it's to not have existed. Worst part is my mom noticed (because I live with her) and now she's trying to find me "help"

>>39054598
i'm only ever here to make these threads
have you ever gotten help anon?

>>39054627
No. I'm not willing to take pills so I see very little use. However, I told my mom if she found a therapist she could afford, I'd humor her.

>>39054832
why wont you take pills? dont trust them?

>>39054842
I don't trust them plus they aren't natural.

>>39054946
i mean, glasses aren't natural. Or antibiotics. Or vaccines. Lots of great things humans have aren't natural

>>39054556
That album is gold. Never knew a death and gay boy

>>39054981
its a good album, hilariously enough only knew about it cus the first crip[pling depression threads used it, and i took it up whe i made more

>>39054923
>Why everyone turned gay on this board recently? Trap threads everywhere even /cripplingdepression/ guy is now gay.
It's not because you don't attract that you have to suck dicks.
i've been gay the whole fucking time you asshat

>>39054946
I take antidepressants and they're a meme. Change your argument kek

>>39054965
Visual aids existed for hundreds or years before antidepressants existed and most of the time, I can make my eyes water and see well enough.
>vaccines
Implying those are good
>>39055062
What are you trying to say

>>39055151
>I can make my eyes water and see well enough.
this is the greatest thing i've ever read.

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>>39054556
>oneitis posts snapchat story of her with her bf
>used to speak almost daily but since she moved to a different city don't as often
end me

>>39055270
did you ever let her know how you ffeel about her?

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I just found out my dumb Stacy sister it's going to need another year of college to finish her meme social studies degree, it supposed to be 4 years max and she is going forthe ninth year already, we have 4 free colleges in the city but she choose the private expensive one, I cant start college until she finish cause I need to pay rent and my mom has no money, my family treats me like shit cause I have no job and I don't study while she is the college one that is so close to finish every year and Im the loser, I have to do every chore in the house incliding cooking and cleaning because my neet autistic brother sleep all day and my sister yells at me for not doing anything while she is in college

Im gonna end it soon, im probably gonna finish to writte my novels by december and gonna let instruction to publish them when Im gone, I cant stand another two years of this shit, how you doing skelly? thank you for always reading

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>>39055280
i made it as obvious as i could have without actually saying it
made I should now ? ? ? although i'd feel douchey about it considering she has a boyfriend

>>39055568
yeah probably not if she's already dating someone

>>39055567
nine years? what
i'm doing garbage sorry that shit is happening

>start working out
>get nice haircut
>get nice clothes
>can only attract mediocre girls if that
>personality and life experience is so blunted from years of near isolation
>they just stop talking to me after like 1-2 conversations because i'm boring as hell

I guess i'm just too far gone. I don't know what else to do.

>>39055671
this is my nightmare. I have decent genetics so I should try.

>>39055671
>>39055730
I feel ya, people stop being interested in me as soon as I start talking.

Anyway, kind of just existing for now. Antidepressants and WoW numb the pain but don't actually make me want to live, just stop wanting to die. Gonna try TMS therapy soon if anyone's heard of that, supposed to be good for treatment resistant depression.

>>39055671
that's why you need to do some crazy things by yourself in order to have stories to tell. girls want to hear your stories so cREATE SOME FKN STORIES AND TELL 'EM!!!!!

>See girl I know in the distance
>Some dude comes up to her to talk
>She lights the fuck up
>In that moment realize a girl has never been that joyful about my existence in my entire life
>Intense depression strikes

>>39054556
>still alone
>still gay

Are we a fucking anomaly amongst our own kind or what?
I'm 11 beer in at this point and don't give a fuck about work.

>>39055933
everyone's havin' a rough day today.

>>39055902
but what crazy things can I do all by myself? can you give me some ideas that would actually be interesting to most girls?

>>39055931
Bad feeling especially when you like the girl.

>>39054556
Recovering from summer relapse. Doing pretty good, weaning off the degeneracy; internet in general, and doing my exercises. Gonna add in yoga, meditation, and guitar practice back into the schedule soon.

Feels pretty good until the inevitable relapse.

>>39055959

I did like her, she made me very happy. It hurts.

>>39055946
My days been great since I started drinku mango.
I'm just really alone and dunno why since most other gays seem to get hook ups on the daily.

>>39054598
Anon it's something you should try. After a failed suicide attempt last year my mother sought help for me that I wasn't willing to look for. I am at a much better place and am so happy that I did not succeed.
You exist anon, don't let it slip away.

>>39055931
>BE THE LIGHT

>>39054556
i would drink with u but i am a homophobe

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Good news: my parents are gonna get me a small condo somewhere
Bad news: the reason they're doing that is because neither loves the other anymore and they wanna get divorced, and they need to sell the house. It was nice growing up in a family, even if I don't get to keep it, I suppose.

also good to see you back skelly. I always liked these threads.

>>39055959
Interesting things for stories:
>Go for a walk in the woods at least once a week
>Go camping
>Visit all the clubs in your area if you can
>Go to concerts, even if you don't really like the musician
>If you can afford it, definitely get into a hobby like dirt biking or 4wheeling.
>^^^piggybacking off of that, try to skateboard or BMX bike at a park

The idea is that you might come across something worth talking about. In the woods you might spot a deer or fox. At the club someone's gonna do something silly 'cause they're drunk. At the concert you might see something that inspires you. And girls wanna hear ALL of that, what in life made you FEEL something?

>>39056203
>Go for a walk in the woods once a week
I like this idea. I think i'll try to find a place.
>Go camping
Also a nice idea. I really do like the outdoors.
>Visit all clubs in the area
I have no one to go with and would just awkwardly sit somewhere. I have plenty of drinking stories to share anyways.
>Concerts
Same as clubs. No girl ever seems to like trance music either although there must be some because theres tons of smoking hot girls at the festivals.
>dirt biking or 4wheeling
I'm learning to rollerblade but no one ever seems to care, granted I know that isn't exactly as cool as 4wheeling or dirt biking. I always wanted to climb a mountain.

Anyways thanks for the ideas you've given me some hope of improving myself.

>>39056166
did she died originally desu?

>>39054946
Your brain isn't natural

>>39055671
what are "mediocre girls"

>>39055931
What is the difference between him and yuou then?

>>39055933
i dont fucking know
i want to date like straight people do
urgh

>>39056134
drink to death then

>>39056166
wow, thats insane rough. Good luck my dude

sorry for slow responses, i'm scatterbrained really bad right now

>>39056635

I don't know anything about him, I just know I've never seen that reaction from a girl before

>>39056675
ah, i got you. Yeah, thats rough. You friends with many girls/ date any?

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>I don't even actively feel sad
>Just dull, empty, and dead inside
>Don't even cry
>I just want to sleep or take drugs so I don't have to be consciously experiencing reality
I don't know if this is depression or not, but it fucking sucks.

>>39056733
that is depression my dude. its not always about being sad

>>39056707

Friends, yeah. Date, no.

>>39056742
i see. I'm sure you'll find someone who will light up to you eventually

>>39056739
It also translates into whenever I try to be social. Like, I feel disconnected and distant from literally everyone. I feel like everyone goes from not caring at all to mildly liking me. And the people I talk to find me annoying or weird even if the conversation went perfectly.

I don't even have money for fucking alcohol anymore man, been 4 months since my first break up and I can't get over it. Usually college keeps me busy, but sometimes it kicks in and I don't sleep all night long thinking of her.

>tfw everyone I know tells me that relationship was toxic for me
>tfw I still don't care bc I loved her so fucking much

>>39054556
I've spent the whole day having a tug of war with myself on whether or not to drive out to the bridge I plan to jump off of to kill myself. I want to go out there, park my car on the side of the road, hop over the pedestrian walkway barrier, and stand there for a while on the ledge. It'll either make me apprehensive about the whole thing, kind of talk myself down from the ledge I guess or I'll hit the right mental notes to persuade myself to just go through with it. I also want to see what kind of visibility I am dealing with considering it's nighttime. And if someone notices my empty car on the side of the road or even myself walking around, maybe the police will arrive, I can tell them I'm suicidal, and I can finally seek the "help" I have been suggested to go out and get so often.

>>39056772
Yeah i mean thats like model depression right there

>>39056776
want to talk about it anon?

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I don't know what's happening to me. I used to have friends but I stopped talking to them and I don't know why. I miss being around people but I feel so uncomfortable and stressed out when a conversation goes beyond small talk
I've joined a few discord servers but I just feel out of place in all of them.
Everything is so slow and bad. I want to die.

>>39056795
my dude, you can go to an emergency room and get help there. You don't have to resort to this method to get help. It sounds like you really don't want to die but really need help

Been in Japan for almost 3 weeks and going home day after tomorrow. Of course I had no luck with women here, partly because I spent most of the trip busy with work and around other people who weren't trying to pick up chicks, but mostly because I have no confidence, especially when there's a language barrier. The girls here are so damn cute, too, wish I could've pulled something off.

>>39056797
Idk man, I mean she's gone for good, and it hurts, to see the person you said to everyday "I love you" to just be normal friends again, she even help with my self confidence, calling me handsome and shit, but something changed with her. I guess it was other dude, bc the day right after we broke up, she changed her profile pic on FB to one with a close friend of hers.

>>39056824
when did this start?
Also have any hobbies? Maybe find a discord where you could slip into conversations easier.

>>39056827
Ah, well both of those are a problem. I dont even know how i would pick people up who i dont share a language with

>>39056843
sometimes its best to just, cut those people out completely. Could you do that?

>>39056880
I tried, I deleted our conversations on WhatsApp, all of our pics are deleted (that really hurts), but we are in the same college, and I had the bad luck to be in the same physics lab with her. Luckily a friend of mine saved my ass by joining her as working pair, but I guess that leaves me alone in the lab, more work for me to keep me busy. Yay

>>39056647
it's ok skelly, we still love you

>>39056880
I joined one for mentally ill people and a few for some stuff that I guess I like but it's not the servers, it's me I just can't
I don't know when it started. it was kind of gradual I guess. I responded to texts less and less until I stopped getting any.

>>39056952
ah i see, that sucks man. Sorry to hear that

>>39056957
thanks im glad someone does <3

>>39056959
woudl you wanna talk to me?
I'm the same way though, im shit at responding to people and im not really sure why. Just kidding its because im a depressed jackass i know exactly why

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>>39056824
I don't think anything can help me. I cannot fathom how talking to a therapist will help me. Talking is such a short-term solution. It only helps me in the moment. I spent most of the day two days ago talking to people about my issues and it cheered me up in the moment and very briefly after, then I went back to wanting to kill myself.

I am not convinced that medication will do anything either. I see so many people talk about how they've been on different medications for years and they are still a lifeless shell.

And nobody takes me seriously anywhere. I get pretty severe mood swings and people just laugh it off and treat more or less like that's just who I am. Like last night I was at my friend's house. There was a bunch of people over and we were all doing our own things. My friend was playing Overwatch and he did great and won. I play and lose horribly. Then I go and see what another person is doing. We play a splitscreen game and he kicks my ass. Another person joins in after I've got a few games under my belt and have familiarized myself with the game. At this point I'm second place for the first game because the guy that was kicking my ass continues to sweep, but then after the first game of all three of us, the other guy who never even touched the game begins overtaking me and at that point I just get third place over and over and it turned my mood upside down and made me so irritated. They were just laughing at me and it made me feel worse. It's like everything I fucking do I am the posterchild for mediocrity or being overtaken by everyone else. It's so fucking irritating.

>when did this start?
>Also have any hobbies? Maybe find a discord where you could slip into conversations easier.

Was this directed towards me? I'm not sure because you quoted your own reply to my first comment.

>>39056977
Hey, I'm still alive tho, that's good. Thanks for the talk Skelly, goodnight

>have a gf
>have friends
>both of them legitimately like me
>still can't shake the fear of the inevitable moment when it ends
>still as sad as I was back then
I feel like a little whiny bitch for not having the time of my life. I'm not even an introvert, just a guy beaten into a shut in lifestyle who doesn't know how to enjoy things
I'm really sorry for posting here, robots I know I don't fit here, but at least I can pretend I do here.

>>39056977
You're pretty nice and non-judgmental of other people's problems, hard not to

>>39056995
well, its about repetition that can help change outlooks and get good patterns started. It can take a while, but it can be really insightful sometimes.
How long have you had these mood swings?
Also im not sure, i'm feeling kinda out of it right now and i dont know what i meant bu that.

>>39057008
sleep tite my dude

>>39057018
Mental illness really fucks us up. Its not your fault my dude. Don't apologise for having good things. There is no such thing as robot culture anymore this board is garbage, you're as welcome in here as the next person.

>>39057055
i'm pretty non judgey unless people are being huge jerks, in which case i just dont respond to them.

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>>39057018
People like you irritate me to no end. Maybe I romanticize the thought of a woman who I am attracted to also being attracted to me, but I just cannot fathom how anyone who is in that situation doesn't feel on top of the fucking world. I had a small and very brief taste of this in high school and I felt like a fucking TurboChad. It just irritates the shit out of me. I get that there's more to life and happiness than a healthy romantic/sex life, but it just makes me so bitter that you've got this thing I can't really even understand the concept of and you are still somehow depressed.

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>>39054556
>mfw realizing it's not possible to be happy around my family

>>39054556
>make reddit account to reply to giantess thread about the protest and the girl that got run over
>post was basically me saying "pushing identity politics is what the elites want because a divided and weakened middle class is easer to control and take advantage of " and "antifa or alt-right you are racist regardless of side"
>get banned by a mod 30 minutes after posts with message "we dont need nazis in our subreddit"

???

>>39057093
lmao my mind seems to be in another place i ment giant ass not snusnu

>>39057083
mental illness my dude. i've had a fantastic life and yet here i am wanting to die. its not really about the things you have, even the people

>>39057092
whys that?
>make reddit account to reply to giantess thread about the protest and the girl that got run over
>giantess thread

thanks for posting your fetish in the depression thread :V

>keep having flashbacks of memories of my dead uncle, killed by liver disease two days before this past Christmas
>keep regretting not spending more time with my dad, who is dying of the same disease
>keep wondering how the fuck I ended up a virgin at 25, and why I do nothing to change that
>keep asking myself if life is worth it, just looking ahead, I can't see anything that will make life better, only worse over time
>getting older
>family dying off
>having to work a job that makes me feel like it's daily micro-suicide for my brain

Examining my past, I can pinpoint the exact moment it all went so wrong. It was conception.

>>39057083
I hate myself for it too. But the moment you get someone to like you, it all starts spinning around the fact that one day she won't. One day you're losing her. And everything you say is one step closer to ending it, one more chance to fuck it up, one more day that you'll look at and feel helpless about after its over.

I feel good when I'm with her, sure, but the moment we part ways I feel the fact that next time might be the last crawling up. It's an awful lot like what skelly said here >>39057118
Being I'll is suffering, but I think you're right to hate me

>>39057120
Spend more time with your dad. That is something you can fix right now
Losing your virginity is not a big deal, it can seem that way but its actually a pretty dumb concept that society likes to shove down peoples throats. You are fine.
What's your job anon?

>>39057080
I've really started to notice the prevalence of my mood swings about a year or so ago. I think they've been around for longer, but they weren't as severe. The past three years have just been a blur of stagnation and depression.

I am a very bitter and envious person who can get triggered into a mood swing from just a thought or observing something. Maybe I'll think about all the people who are successful and do things they enjoy or I'll see a bunch of these obnoxious foreign Chinese kids I always see fucking everywhere wearing their designer clothing and driving luxury cars I'll never afford. It makes my blood boil. I can't even play games anymore because I get so easily angered.

>>39057118
They are mentally ill and so am I

>>39057174
ahhh
makes sense

>>39057172
So its a jealousy/envy thing. Which comes from a lack of self esteem or something?

my dudes, it is time for me to go to bed, as much as i dont want to work tomorrow.
goodnight friends, i'll try to be around more

>>39056203
Topkek. "So hey, I was walking in the forest last week, I saw a MOTHERFUCKING FOX! Now can we have sex?"
Try traveling, parties, try some fun drugs. Girls like that.

>>39057162
It's not the being a virgin that gets to me, it's that I've never felt intimacy, have never had someone love me or care for me in that way. Basically
>tfw no gf

But I can handle that - have done so for my entire adult life. My job is a decent paying tech support gig at a university. To most people, it would be a godsend, but to me it's just a 40-hour timesink that I struggle to even keep my eyes open for these days. I constantly worry about being fired for bad performance, cause for the past few months, I just can't be assed.

I feel like once my dad dies, something will happen. It will either bring me out of this emotional fugue, or I'll do something drastic. I don't know, and can't know. Fuck. Even typing this is like observing someone else, and by admitting that, it's like watching someone watch someone type this, ad infinitum...

>>39057195
Yeah, I would say jealousy/envy are two of the main factors in why my quality of life is so horrible. I have absolutely no self-esteem or confidence in myself. I hate the way I look, think, act, everything. The way I'd like to project myself towards others never fits quite right with the way I end up acting. I think my lack of confidence started early as I'd get into a lot of verbal/physical confrontations with other kids that usually always ended with me crying. I've also had a very tumultuous relationship with my stepfather.

Fast forward to now and here we are. I do fantasize about going on a rampage and killing as many people as I can before killing myself, but I know I'd fuck it up and be a laughing stock.

My friend showed me this video yesterday and said it reminded him of me. They couldn't stop laughing while I just sat there in silence. They get entertainment out my misery.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSm5mkp-CYM

>>39054556
I'm just so fed up with everyone. I posted about it and talk to a counselor about it but nothing helps, I genuinely hate the people I'm surrounded by. They are miserable pathetic pieces of shit that only give a fuck about themselves. My Dad is a complete asshole, leaves my family to go party and pretend he is 20 again and is dating someone literally half his age. I know he's using drugs and alcohol all the time now and it's pathetic to watch a man in his mid fifties play teenager. My mom isn't even around that much, she's either out or sleeping at a friends house despite having kids at home. I have to leave for college soon and am leaving behind 2 siblings who will have to deal with this shit for a few years. I know they will be alright but I can't help but feel bad for them, I got more of a childhood than they did. Friends and family of my parents see what they do but they never try to stop it or intervene in anyway.

I get it, I'm 18 and I should grow up; but it's fucking hard to pretend I'm doing good when I don't have parents and only one friend who actually texts me. I just sit alone on the computer and I know I can change that but I really don't want to. I feel hurt all the time, I'm a sensitive guy and my parents aren't there and I've grown apart from nearly all of my friends.

This sounds pathetic but yesterday I just kind of hugged this pole in my house because I can't remember the last time I embraced someone with genuine love. I'm just done with it all, fuck these people and their miserable fucking lives. I'm leaving soon and never looking back go fuck yourselves.

>>39054556
doing shitty, I've felt awful for over a fucking month now over a girl who lied to me for 4 months. I can't get her out of my fucking head, this is terrible and I want to die.

I'm turning 21 in 6 days. I'm still a virgin and haven't had a date in years. Sitting on the verge of tears as I watch everyone I knew growing up turn into a successful person while I sit here and contemplate suicide and why I let it all fail. Help.

im pretty manic atm but i think it can hit soon. not looking forward. i usually self harm and listen to dark ambient a do downers and lay in bed in the dark.
im not diagnosed bipolar but i think i am. i go from auicidal depression to a leta do a bunch of shit im god attitude every few weeks. when i was depressed i cut myself over a failed test and atm im saying lmao

>>39054556
Noopept mitigates much of the hangover. 20mg before bed, and 20mg in the morning. Now that you can function the day after you can focus on sorting yourself out.